“Guess where Ol’ Joe at? Ain’t the fuckin’ BURBS, IS IT!? Naw, it’s the pits – fuckin’ cocksuckin’ streets. Doesn’t anybody fuckin’ litter anymore!? Ol’ Joe’s been sprawled on that pavement for five consecutive nights and he ain’t found a SINGLE GODDAM FUCKIN’ SMOKE BUTT! The hell kinda...

(ABRUPT-OPEN: LOWELL, standing with BEV, dressed in a white tank top and Sean John booty shorts, smoking a cigarette. The scene: a bus shelter at midnight. LOWELL looks especially Leaned, a permanent dopey grimace on his face.) LOWELL: “Not gonna lie, I dragged Bev here under the premise that...

Mounds of cocaine like tiny anthills on the dark oak plain. A gaunt, angular face, half concealed by drawn hood, oversees the disorder and disarray. FINAL WARNING letters strewn about the man’s desk, others jammed in a waste paper basket by his feet. The year is 2006. A cigarette ignites...

Every now and then, on the Lean, I get mean. I mean, mean. Like I get all sandy, catching feelings, then tearing into them, eating what I find inside, but wasting most of it. Think I care about starving kids in Africa? Pfft! Not bloody likely! </Cocky English accent> Just… sometimes I get...

(CUT-TO: LOWELL, at the bar, with a cup ‘o lean. A bunch of well-dressed twentysomethings crowd around.) LOWELL: “WHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! One step closer! Watch me make it rain!” (LOWELL digs in the pockets of his tight leather (???) pants, and “makes it rains” with nickels and dimes… and pennies…...

(FADE-IN: Naw… you think we’d start out **** out like that? With a *****-made “fade” transition? Think again. Think for all those Asperger’d, alcoholic, ass-lovin’ plumbers out there, graspin’ a forty, stone-cold grip. Unscrewed, tossed-away cap. Brown bag soaked with condensation. It’s...

Option A: dont wanna work anymore, ever. just ride bike & smoke rocs. // Option B: -- LUMP A FEW'A YA, WHUT? If you wanna know how Joe feels, listen to this. That’s his mother****in’ frame of mind right there! That’s the attitude of a winner, of a champion! Not some galactic-name havin’...

Who wants some of the BOUSSE~! with the title on the line?

When I was in my early twenties, an Afro-American man approached me on a street corner, penniless and parachute-pants’d. He explained that he was once a very popular entertainer, but that he’d since lost the fortune he’d accrued. I felt sympathetic to the man’s plight, and therefore did not mace...

(FADE-IN: A tall, tanned, barrel-chested man, with a Fabio-esque flowing shoulder-length mane, stands confidently before a mural of a setting sun and several undressed women painted on a brick wall. Arms extended outward on each side, blue and yellow tassels hanging limp from his biceps, Bruce...

Wanderlust “The Scourge of Monogamy,” “Mystic-Wanderer,”“Lusty” Real Name: Alistair Yeshe Wren Height: 6’3” Weight: 226 lbs. Hails From: A quaint, little New England town called who-the-****-knows! ... Seriously, though, no one has any fucking clue. There’s speculation, however, that he fled...

(FADE-into nothin' `cause Jared Wells ain't worth it.) JTP: "So I verbally rape you... and all you've got to say is that Ol' Joe's a wannabee rapper? C'mon, ya stupid fuck, make some fuckin' sense! Say somethin' that'll piss me off and get my riled! I've been toilin' in the shit for ten odd...

(FADE-IN: Joe the Plumber sits, peeling an apple with a filthy hunting knife. As he feeds himself apple slices, the juice running down his chin, through his unkempt beard, his eyes remain transfixed on the camera in front of him. He continues to meticulously scalp the piece of fruit held captive...

(FADE-IN: Joe the Plumber stands in the middle of a cheap motel room, a bottle of beer in one hand, a blunt in the other – both fighting for his attention. It's shortly after the Detroit house show, and the Gristly Beast is still attired in his wrestling gear... That is to say he's dressed how...

Missed that Detroit deadline- WHATEV (FADE-IN: Joe the Plumber’s once again decided to cut a promo from a stranger's house. Having just tinkered with the garbage disposal, smoked about a pound of hash, snorted an eight ball of coke mixed with Ajax, and taken a fistful of varied prescription...

JTP: "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH! F*CK YOU, EDDIE MAYFIELD, YA F*CKIN' GUM-FLAPPIN', DICK-TAKIN', SEMEN-GARGLIN' TROUT! I'm'a do some sh*t right now – yeaaaah, s'bout to get CRIMINAL!" (Joe turns and KICKS the bathroom door, causing it to fly off its hinges and SMACK a cleaning woman in her...

MEMBER INFORMATION: Name: Devin Woods Email Address: originaldwoods@hotmail.com AIM/Yahoo Messenger: twesean (AIM) Preferred Method of Handling: Don't have one. Best Way to Contact you: PM WRESTLER INFORMATION: Name: Joe the Plumber (born Joseph Theodore Plummer) Nicknames: JTP, the...

TWW got a call late Saturday night, informing them that a sports bar, called Binga's Winga's, was having a slow night and that if they were interested, there was some space to setup a ring. TWW pulled together a few of its "stars" and drove over in a van… on the way there the van died, and the...

(FADE IN: "THE ANIME ADONIS" HARDBODY is once again chillin' with some Jews… this time in a mattress store. HARDBODY and the Jews bounce up and down on a bed, whacking each other with pillows, until feathers EXPLODE into the hair and float slowly to the floor. HARDBODY plunks himself down on the...

“Yer muther's such a f*ckin' whurre, Billy, but I lovez `er fer it.” - BILL JUDO SR, 1978 ... Life Lessons (CUT-TO: The outside of a Joe Camel High, named after the cigarette company in 1988 for a handsome sum of money that went to purchasing a new furness, as the school had been without heat...