Hello, To many of you you may not ever have met me, to others you might remember me, well a version of me I like to forget,

I at one time was known as Bubba McCoy in e feding, wow seems like a life time ago, well I recon it really was. Those of you who hade my old facebook probably will know where this post leads, though not all of it.

Why Am i typing this.... Truth is I miss the friends I made in this hobby, i have often wanted to come here and post this, but was afraid.. :/ So here i am, after a night of work. first night having the internet again after 6 months,

So a short history, i think...

in 2014 i kinda had a a ton of things fall apart, My health, thanks to being at the time 300 plus pounds and not in the good way. then My wife's health began to falter, she being mid 40's,

That and a world of things i was to afraid of letting out, sent me into a deep deep depression, Truth is I battled depression all my life, the way things ended here made me feel so horrible, I felt as if i failed, that on top of my other issues just was crushing, but I worked out of that, it was hard but I did. Back then though I while useing my wife and kids as a reason to want to get up to try, I only put a band aid on what was a damm about to break,

late 2015 the monster known as depression came back, I knew why, it was always the reason why, The main reason everything fell apart over and over, After sitting on the side of the highway watching the diesel trucks zoom by, thinking how easy it would be, just a few steps and oblivion, freedom, peace and quiet,

My thoughts however drifted to my family, to what friends i had, both on and offline, Not the first time i was one bad choice away, though at the moment seemed like a good one, So I thought it though, I made a choice, to finally face the true reason for my depression, MY Gender Identity, Pretending everyday to be a person I was not, As a rpgamer it seems ironic now that I think about it. Fact is I always hated the reflection in the mirror, Not just the out side, but something deeper, So I turned around and went home, I promised my self no matter how hard things got, I had to do something and oblivion was not the answer,

Next day I went to therapy, A Lot of things I locked up, I had to finally face and deal with, That was a year and a half ago, And sure not everything is sunshine and roses, I have had a rough go of it after my old jobs Boss retired, But i have not sank into the despair and depression that i have in the past,

However since that day i have gone back to school, about to head back and finish my GED, then I am starting college, I am going to become a therapist, Maybe one day i can help save even if it is just 1 person, from depression, all my pain will have been worth it.

But tonight i realized unlike the past I have really come along way and no longer do I give up and quit.

that and I really do miss this game and the people who play it, However I am smart enough to know I have little time for too many hobbies, however I would like to be a fan. Maybe get a chance to talk to those of you who know me in my past life and perhaps you will get to know the real me, and I would hope that you would like me still. And to those who don't know me and read this, I would love a chance to get to know you.

Who knows when the time is right, maybe I can get a get a chance to play this game again.

Wow, sorry for the long dark post.

Anyways,
Good night
Sincerley
Jamie Lynn Pape