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  1. #61
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    Re: DEFCON ARC DISCUSSION THREAD -- UNCUT #7 IS ON THE AIR!!

    The Rundown Wait No The BAWS

    Dane +½ Dan Ryan+ ½ Lindsey Troy + a dash of Murray. Makes a pretty good dish.

    BAWBAGS
    It’s a small thing, but the one thing that i really did like about this seg was the merch. Haven’t seen merch since I did the whole cast angle. And atleast we’re back to calling the SoHer the SoHer, makes my heart happy.


    RCR vs. PCP
    Nice tag team match. Flowed really nice.


    No Means No
    I dided this.


    Off-Mauve
    Eric and his fool, Dane being all dane-ish and BBD being….well hungry.


    Harmony vs. FDJ
    #girlcharacter amiright. Try and give them a win and they want a PPV match.


    Not Tonight
    Natas apparently needs someone to tell him not to do something that’ll get him hurt.

    Territorial Pissings
    Dane flexes a lil power here with Ryan. Then there’s an agreement of killing the people across the ring.


    The Bruvs vs. The SHLARPS
    ANNNNND just like that you called it the Hollywood Heritage Championship. Because fuck me right.

    Old Yeller
    Sean Jackson promo to move this forward with Natas.


    Mushi vs. Penn
    Rob had RL stuff. I picked up the slack and pumped this out. Yes, there might be a little bit of a theme beginning. OH and Penn was never going to win clean and you have to keep MUSHI a huge threat or there is no character. MUSHI is unstoppable. A juggernaught. If Penn beats him by Pin or Submission while Mushi is starting something with Sam Horry then there is really no reason for Sam Horry v Mushi, other than personal issues. IF Sam beats MUSHI that will be a huge face win. If asshole Penn wins with a pin or Sub then it’s nothing more than Mushi losing to Penn. Does nothing for any of the characters.

    These Are Not the Droids you're Looking For
    BBD pissed himself!


    Does It Really?
    We all knew this was going to make it into a ring at DEFCON. Impulse has been a great FOIL for Penn. Depending on the outcome of DEFCON perhaps one more match, No Holds Bar, I quit match in a cage surrounded by a cage, floating in a pool of hot sauce.


    Box vs. JACK HUNTER
    You know I”m screaming for BOX to kill Hunter. It’s almost the same type of hate for me as Angus and Penn.


    Road to Redemption
    Could we be seeing the beginning of a redeemed Eugene Dewey with battle scars and all?


    Won't Get Fooled Again
    Foreshadowing the match and DEFCON


    Mom and Squid vs. SURE! and BAWS
    Really good tag team match, moves everything forward.

    Overview:
    Honest to god the card was full of let’s move things to DEFCON. Everything had a reason and a point to each segment. I know the Bedlam thing was to poke fun at the handler, but meh… the only reason I knew he was apart of DEF was cause of his parting comment. So that was about 3 second err...30 seconds of my life I won’t get back. Because of reading the card twice and then feedback. Not much to complain about, to me the best segments had to be Sean Jackson’s promo and Eugene Dewey and Impulse’s stuff.

  2. #62
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    Re: DEFCON ARC DISCUSSION THREAD -- UNCUT #7 IS ON THE AIR!!

    Okay, I’m going to try and go through the old shows that I haven’t feedbacked yet. Can’t say I’ll hit every single one, but we’ll see how it goes. I’m also not going to hit every single thing because these things went up weeks ago and I hate your face.

    DEFtv 66
    I like the Rain City Ronin a lot. Said it before, but they’re probably the characters I’d root for the most if DEFIANCE was a real wrestling promotion. A real shame that Straw’s vanished into the ether, because the vikings match was very solid, and put both teams over as credible forces.

    Nice seeing Hoffman claimed a win over Harmony. Obviously there’s the Frank caveat, but these BRAZEN guys can’t just job all the time without getting anything back. That makes ‘em pretty pointless. His win was a story device for the ongoing Frank vs. Harmony feud, but that’s totally fine, and it keeps Hoff relevant. Plus, he’s a Box guy. No shame in losing to him.

    That particular storyline is progressing nicely. Fits Harmony’s inner fire well for her to be all “I DON’T NEED YER HELP!” to her big dopey sidekick, and it’s giving us a more considered side to Frank that I’ve not seen before. Loved his interaction with Penn: great little set-up for their match.

    I obviously knew nothing of Wayne Dewey prior to the last few shows, but I immediately feel at home with him. Really good writing. Like how his mere presence seems to humanise Eugene and calm him down. Immediately invested in this character, and when Box beat the tar out of him to lure Eugene away from his match, I was upset. Classic heel manipulation from Box with his interpretation of Kelly’s unfortunately ambiguous ultimatum, too.

    Saying it now: The Hollywood Bruvs are the two best heels in DEFIANCE at the moment. I hate everything about them. EVERYTHING. Fucking Segways. Ugh. No Sharp or LAR on this show, though? Whack.

    Impulse vs. Penn was pretty much as good as I expected, which means very good.

    Ryan/Troy/Box seg was business as usual. Decent talky-talk. Box getting the shot over Troy is just easy heat. Bit long, though. Lost a lot of momentum towards the end. I think about a third of each character's dialogue could've been sliced-out to produce a more effective seg.
    DEF: The Murray Brothers, Jack Hunter, Jason Natas.
    LoC: Andy Murray.

  3. #63
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    Re: DEFCON ARC DISCUSSION THREAD -- UNCUT #7 IS ON THE AIR!!

    DEFtv 67
    Impulse going all WWE on our asses, opening with an in-ringer. I like it. We don’t do this enough. Decent little face promo to kick it off. I like the balance of this feud thus far, with the face constantly fighting from underneath. That’s exactly how it should work. Penn just comes out and shuts him down. Great opener.

    Horry vs. Cole. Why is there a segment within the match? Why is babyface Levi Cole playing heel? Why is there another segment in the middle of the match? The actual action is alright, but I hate the formatting, and to get Cole’s alignment wrong is a huge blunder.

    Okay, Andy Sharp still exists. Good. Classssssssic shit from the worst bunch of arseholes in the fed, stacking the odds against smiley nice guy Andy S. This was great. Really fast-paced and exciting, and Mikey’s bunch of dorks were great at ringside. I absolutely LOVED the ploy with Elise getting herself disqualified but murderising Sharp enough for Kendrix to take advantage. But Sharp’s too strong-willed for that, and fights through the biggest bag of fuckery ever. Struggling to find any real flaws in your work at the moment, lads.

    Other Bruvgang stuff: Teaser Trailer was effective, LAR match continues to set things up after muted feud week for these guys last time round.

    Pretty sure there was supposed to be a seg between the Cayle/Dane seg and the actual match. Oops.

    Lots of Attitude Era-style booking going on in the Dewey/Box angle, particularly with Dew trashing the Conclave. Not a criticism; just an observation. I can’t fully get behind Dewey after this, but he’s coming-off a gigantic heel run, so I guess that’s the point. He’s not gonna change his character overnight just because his brother’s been battered by the worst cunt in the company. Good progression. Length is an issue again, though. At least half of the Dewey stuff could’ve been trimmed. Did enjoy Dewey taking the high(er) ground with Collins.

    Frank vs. Penn was great. Loved it, especially the harder edge Penn seems to be wrestling with.

    Main event was a good-ass match. Box slapping the mic out of DR’s hands was great. Fuck yer promo, indeed. Action was great, but could’ve used a little more commentary to help with the flow. Nonetheless, the wrestlers left nothing in the tank, produced a really nasty war of attrition, and it was pretty cool to see the match end with the first pinfall.

    Pretty decent show. Where was the development in the FIST story, though? That’s my biggest complaint, really. Nothing at all from the fed’s marquee feud. The only mention of Lindsay Troy, in fact, came during a throwaway commentary line in one of the other matches.
    DEF: The Murray Brothers, Jack Hunter, Jason Natas.
    LoC: Andy Murray.

  4. #64
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    Re: DEFCON ARC DISCUSSION THREAD -- UNCUT #7 IS ON THE AIR!!

    DEFtv 68 Beef

    Right to Business
    Nice hype seg for the main event and the matches coming up on DEFCON. Constantly building the “close but not yet…” theme. Loved these angles and this is a great continuation of them.

    BAWBAGS

    This seg was hilarious! I can say that because I barely wrote any of it. Steven went all out the last two weeks and pretty much stepped up, wrote this seg, and most of the tag match as well. It was awesome! More on that later. Loved LARs line about “playdough” in reference to MIkey Money. And obvs more DRAKE!!!!!!

    RCR vs PCP
    LOVED THIS, PERFECT contrast in styles on full display here as PCP has amazing heel fuckery tactics and funny spots. (loved the mic bit). RCR go over as aggresive and technical sound wrestlers. Clearly the more talented of the pair, they got the win here despite a million attempts to cheat by PCP, fantastic writing.

    No Means No
    YUS! Curtis Penn says fuck no to the match. Love it, this is completely 180 of a “typical” feud, and I couldnt be happier about that. It helps keep my interest and my attention. Penn is a dickhead. Sooooooooooooooooo good.

    OFF Mauve
    Dane orders Bobby to get Cayle and bring him to him mostly unharmed. If Lindz-c-yie Troi is in the way, then she will be collateral damage.

    Harmony vs FDJ
    AWESOME! Terrific climax to this feud. (I know there is still a match to go). This is a terrific way to set up the PPV. FDJ hurts Harmony when Rage fills his eyes, then he realizes what he’s done and backs off and gets himself counted out. Great story they are telling here.

    Not Tonight
    Jason Natas isnt allowed in the building, He needs to be resting and eating Chunky Soup. Cayle advises his buddy to go home… now he’s all alone…. Uh oh.

    Territorial Pissings:
    We’ve seen Eric Dane 3 times after the second match.(and we know of at least 2 more coming) Thats not good. The seg itself is tho. Good writing, and foreshadowing, this one could have been done on uncut to be honest to tone down the appearances. (was the match made by uncut? Or just after? I dont member). Dan Ryan and Dane are a hell of a team.

    The Bruvs vs The LARP
    Shout outs to Steven on this one. He probably wrote 50% or more of this match, and 100% it’s his first real match writing experience ever. He killed it in my opinion. This was hilarious, fun to read, and competitive. Other than a few formatting issues he took right too it and just cranked this shit out. Kudos buddy! This is just the beginning.

    Old Yeller
    Sean Jackson with a seething promo about Natas and the feud they have had thus far. Jackson is poised for big things in the future (if his character stays), and he’s just about done with Natas. At DEFCON he wants to put him out of his misery.

    Mushi vs Penn
    WOW! What a vicious match for Curtis Penn, he looks like a million bucks, and is pulling new (really old) moves from his repertoire like the Tope Suicida. Loved the suplex to the outside as well. Nice brawl/wrestling/and finish. This match was good all around for me, and is my MOTN so far. Loved Sam saving Mushi only to have Mushi flip.

    These are not the Droids you are looking for.
    Loved this one. Andy Murray surprises Bobby Dean by returning a little early, and then gives Chase after the large henchman. Comical and serious. Well done

    Does It Really:
    WOW well done here. Nice culmination of all the playing and back and forth. Loved how this came to a head and i am looking forward to this DEFCON match in a big way! Impulse finally gets the big face thumbs up (chuck norris style) from me.

    Box vs….Let’s be real….It’s a murder.
    <3 Bronson Box promos. This was straight fire This was a massacre with a couple hope strikes and it was the most entertaining squash i’ve ever read. As big of a Box and Hunter mark as I am this should have never happened, and should happen every week too. It was fantastic, but could it have been saved for a PPV? (I kid!!!!)

    Road To Redemption:
    Eugene Dewey with tha SupaFace moves. That was a quick shift but I like it. This was a great interview hyping the hell out of DEFCON. Box vs Eugene might be my favorite match on the card, I cannot wait This has been stellar, now I expect a war!

    Won’t Get Fooled Again
    HAhahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahah@ cup of coffee. Great segment here by the SUPAFACE group/nongroup. This was very realistic and believable. Loved the bit about Dean being stuck in a door. Hype!!!!

    Main Event:
    The worst part of tag matches is four entrances. Feel like I’ve been reading forever and the match hasn't started (that coming from a guy who writes the longest entrances ever so ignore that.) This was a very good match and some nice stuff moving towards DEFCON. Lindsay Troy and Dan Ryan has been kinda dead the last few weeks - although Dan Ryan has had some other good promos. So it was nice to see these two finally having a little more tension before the match. Unfortunately the hype train was huge then kinda derailed a few weeks ago, people probably got busy, the same thing happened in my feud a bit, as its felt a little more like the Dan Ryan show featuring Lindsay troy than the Dan Ryan vs Lindsay Troy. This helped mitigate that a little bit and brought me right back into the PPV match. Although I will admit Box vs Eugene /Murray vs Dane feels like a bigger match.

    Good go home, felt a little light show wise, but I think weve seen some length related complaints lately so maybe its perfect size!

  5. #65
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    Re: DEFCON ARC DISCUSSION THREAD -- DEFtv 66 IS LIVE!

    Gonna try and view this through a critical lens, as I expect very high standards from this fed, and the go-home show is typically one of the biggest of the arc.


    Just straight-up skipping anything I had a hand-in.


    RIGHT TO BUSINESS, THEN
    Cayle was in this but I didn’t really contribute other than saying “aye, works for me,” so I guess I can talk about it.


    So I liked that we just cut straight to it with no bullshit. Second week in a row that we’re kicking-off with an in-ring segment, which is kinda unique for us. Dane’s opening gambit was as well-played as I expect, particularly “The Little Squid Who Could.” Nice touch having LT coming-out where everyone would’ve expected Cayle, and rather swell to have Gigantor the Asian Baseball Dad interrupt her right-off the bat as well. Also… keeping it brief = mega bonus points. All in all, I think it was an effective little way to set the main event up.


    To me, though, the FIST feud hasn’t got a whole lot of juice at the moment. Ryan and Troy didn’t have any interaction on the previous show, and all we got this week was a few barbs back and forth (not including the main). There’s not been a great deal of progression. Couple of strong talky segs in the first few shows, but not much since. I hold you two to the highest of standards, so I’m not saying it’s been a bad feud or anything, but I’m getting more of a pedestrian vibe than I expected. Not saying the characters should be beating the tar out of each other every time they meet, but it feels like they’ve been in the same place since DEFtv 65, pretty much.


    I am sure there are external circumstances that have contributed to this, but it’s still a shame.


    BAWBAGS
    Still think “totally obvs” isn’t quite as catchy or obnoxious as “totes obvs,” but whatevs, don’t listen to me, I can’t write heels worth a shit. The Bruvs were gloriously obnoxious in the opening stages (Drake, FFS) and I stand by my assertion that they’re the best two heels in the fed at the moment. Good to get some words and stuff from LAR, as it feels like I’ve heard him speak a grand total of three times since he signed-up. I love how badass and assertive he is throughout. LAR is a really good character, and it’s a shame Jonno has to bounce.


    RONIN VS PHENOMS
    Incorrect formatting on the entrance music, tut tut. Billy told me this was awful: it wasn’t awful, it was pretty much exactly what it needed to be. RCR trying to wrestle through PCP’s immense fuckery, and I especially enjoyed The D’s little mid-match mic spot. Good stuff all-round, and RCR look particularly strong going into the PPV after knocking-off the Vikings and these two shitweasels in conseuctive weeks.


    NO MEANS NO
    Holy fuck, this was good. As much as I love frothing paranoid crazyman Curtis Penn, I adore stripped-back iceman Curtis Penn just as much. The feud with Impulse has been very well done indeed, and is definitely among the top three or four feuds going into the pay-per-view. Penn just absolutely shuts Impulse down here, completely burying any chance of a rematch really early in the show, and that leaves me super exciting to see what comes next. Something’s gotta give, right?


    OFF-MAUVE
    10/10, best description in the game. I, however, will be continuing to open my own backstage segments with four words of description . Good set-up seg for what comes later on. Not too much more to it than that, really. Still enjoy the BBD/Dane dynamic and never want to see it end. Would prefer it Bobby wrote a little more, though…


    HARMONY VS. FRANK
    This was fucking dynamic. Would’ve liked some announcer preamble, because the straight cut to it was kinda jarring, particularly as they just sit there and say nothing as Harm’s coming down. Still, the rest of this was note perfect. Love Frank not really wanting to rasslefite Harmony, so he starts fucking around with the square dance and what not. AWWWWWWW CM’MAAAAAAAAAAAWN THAT WAS THE BEST SQUARE DANCE IN THE GAME! I still want Harmony to curse less (like, a lot less), but the post-match promo was solid. I really buy into her anger at Frank for handling her with cotton wool throughout the arc, and I think this story has been very well told as a whole.


    TERRITORIAL PISSINGS
    Eric Dane is all over this show thus far, and I dig it. This was great. Two guys who are utterly above standing across from one another and being petty little name-calling shitbags. So much tension in the air with the subtle (and not-so-subtle) threats and barbs. Dane and Ryan have shitloads of great chemistry, so here’s hoping they come together more often in the future. This added a whole lot of juice to the main event, and makes me worried for my own character’s health and safety, which is kinda weird. The vibe I get from Dan Ryan and Eric Dane is that they both respect each other, but there’s very little trust between ‘em, and rightly so.


    BRUVS VS. SHLARPS
    Perfect match introduction with the announcers putting the rest of the card over, but hey, it’s a really shame Andy Sharp hasn’t had much face-time lately. Again, that’s sucked a lot of the life from our SOHER feud, and while Mikey Unlikely has been killing it, the character can’t do everything on his own. I love how these little arseholes seem to start every match with rock, scissors, paper. Nothing wrong with this at all: very solid little match with the faces going over in the end, and props to Steve, who hasn’t done a lot of match writing but, from what I understand, wrote a lot of this. It was good.


    Pretty interesting dynamic with this feud in that the faces seem to be having all the luck. Excited to see where they go from here.


    CRUSTY PIN VS. MUNCHYGOHOOPY
    90% of this was excellent. Great pacing, great action, great commentary. Really good stuff. I love the continued evolution of Curtis Penn as a wrestler: guy clearly has some serious strong style chops to compliment has rampant bullshittery, and it was cool seeing him pull a tope out of the bag. Mushi was treated respectfully too, and came-off like the monster he should.


    The ending, however, was weird. Why on Earth would Sam Horry come down and yank the chair from Penn’s hands, particularly after his fight team getting messed up the other week? Makes no sense to me. No context, no explanation, nothing. Just a random-ass spot that completely caught me off-guard.


    DOES IT REALLY
    So I guess is where things get interesting after the fire Penn segment earlier. Impulse’s opening promo is good: it’s not overly cheesy or preachy, he’s just out there calling things from his perspective, and he’s not afraid of calling-out Penn for being a big piece of shit. I like that. Not a fan of spineless babyfaces at all, and we don’t seem to have any, which is nice. Penn comes out and turns the heat up. More good words from him. One thing I did find odd was Penn harping about his time in the business, when Impulse, I imagine, is just as tenured. That fell flat, but the rest was solid, but I like how they booked the match with Pulse hinting that he’d planned on provoking Penn into attacking him.


    BOX VS. SILLYMAN
    MURRRRRRRRRRRRRDER. Good job, Evan. Effective selling of the Boxman’s post-Conclave destruction rage, and Jack Hunter is dead. RIP.


    ROAD TO REDEMPTION
    Wait, the Conclave is in Utah?! SOUND THE KLAXON. This was really, really excellent. Absolutely loved Dewey’s sorta remorse for smashing Bronson’s place up, because that’s what gets me on his side going into the DEFCON match. Absolutely brilliant babyface material comparing the “value” of the damage wreaked on the ‘Clave versus Wayne. I missed Dewey’s face run, and I’m kinda sad that I did. I honestly don’t have a bad thing to say about this. Seg of the night by some margin.
    DEF: The Murray Brothers, Jack Hunter, Jason Natas.
    LoC: Andy Murray.

  6. #66
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    Re: DEFCON ARC DISCUSSION THREAD -- DEFtv 66 IS LIVE!

    FEEDBACKS, YEAH!

    Right, to business then: I do love an in-ring seg. This set up the tag match main event well. Liked the interplay between Dan Ryan and the crowd, nice touch. Two on one heels v face ensues befre cayle superface murray comes to the rescue. Good solid stuff.

    Bawbags: Hope you liked.

    PCP v RCR: Love PCP, obvs. They are so douchie it's amazing. Doing everything they can to avoid having an actual wrestling match. Some nice in match mic work too. Solid win for RCR.

    No Means No: Penn is such a dick as he gives us his own unique take on events between he and impulse recently, love it! No match at PPV?

    Off Mauve: The Bobby Dean and Eric Dane story is totally odd couple, but you guys make it work. Bobby is sent off to do the BAWS' bidding!

    Harmony v FDJ (NOT FDR!): Short match but nice finish. FDJ has to fight Harmony at DEFCON!

    Not Tonight: Very sensible words and somehow a raging Natas sees sense to fight another day.

    Territorial Pissings: Dane and Ryan talking strategy after some heated exchanges over who's dick is bigger! Again, sets up the tag match well. Will these two be able to work together?

    Bruvs v Sharp and LAR: Hope everyone liked it. Thought it was a good match to lead up to both respective matches at DEFCON.

    Old Yella: Jackson addresses the crowd and gives Natas the old career ending threat while he's not in the building. Top Heel stuff from Jackson.

    Mushi v Penn: Really good match, MOTN for me. I don't know what a TOPE SUICIDA is but seems Penn tried pulling out all the stops here. Boy it read impressively! Cheap count out win for Penn.

    These are not the Droids You're Looking For: Big Murrr is back in town and I was left with the image of Bobby Dean running? Has this ever happened before?!

    Does It Really?: Impulse tells his side of the story, Penn takes exception. Great back and forth. Impulse turns his back on Penn and Bang! The match is confirmed. Nice twist with Impulse, down and beaten, but seemingly in control the whole time, after all, he got what he wanted.

    Bronson Box v Jack Hunter: OH THE HUMANITY! JESUS CHRIST! FOR THE LOVE OF GOD WHY?! Jack's dead right?

    Road to Redemption: I can't wait to read the PPV match. Box v Dewey has been awesome for weeks now. You guys are killing it and this seg was on it too.

    Won't Get Fooled Again: FACES! Face interaction between Cayle and Troy, getting ready for the main event. Andy Murray joins his bro for the first time since the big injury and then big lols with the Jonny Bedlam hi, good bye!

    Main Event: For someone who is new to writing matches I am learning from the rest of you guys and this was great. Thank you! I was surprised to see Dane pin Cayle but I guess that's the aim of the game, keep us guessing!

    Solid go home show before the ppv. Looking forward to it!

    Steve

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    Re: DEFCON ARC DISCUSSION THREAD -- DEFtv 66 IS LIVE!

    Note: ANYONE WHO'S BRAND NEW TO THE FED that's curious to know more of the history between Eugene and Boxer, re-read the last handful of Uncut's. I did two "History Lesson" segments that detail a lot of their history. Especially Eugene.
    I also have creative input in: Felton Bigsby, Viking War Cult, Don Hollywood, MDM4 and a few others... #BRAZEN

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    Re: DEFCON ARC DISCUSSION THREAD -- DEFtv 66 IS LIVE!

    Not gonna break down the entire show because I'm too lazy to read it again, but up and down this was a solid go home show with all of the major angles moving forward to the point of PPV frenzy!

    It was good to see Dan Ryan and Lindsay Troy in multiple segments again, too!
    Stand up. Defy!
    www.DEFIANCEwrestling.com

    [There was a commercial, or your stream froze, pretend we have a Diva division and a piss-break match came on; whatever, just, give me five minutes okay? Everybody crapped on the idea of commercials and I need for five minutes to have passed, dig it?]

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    Re: DEFCON ARC DISCUSSION THREAD -- DEFtv 66 IS LIVE!

    Quote Originally Posted by Justin View Post
    Not gonna break down the entire show because I'm too lazy to read it again, but up and down this was a solid go home show with all of the major angles moving forward to the point of PPV frenzy!

    It was good to see Dan Ryan and Lindsay Troy in multiple segments again, too!
    FYI to eeeeeer'body. This right here is MORE than acceptable feedbacks. Feedback= thoughts on the show, nuttin' to do with lenght.

    I whole wholeheartedly agree with Justin, near flawlessly executed go-home show top to bottom.
    I also have creative input in: Felton Bigsby, Viking War Cult, Don Hollywood, MDM4 and a few others... #BRAZEN

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    Re: DEFCON ARC DISCUSSION THREAD -- DEFtv 66 IS LIVE!

    I enjoyed the show very much and am glad to see that Troy is still the same sarcastic as hell character I know and love. The Eugene/Box stuff is awesome, and while I haven't caught up on the complete story, what has been talked about and shown so far in the last two DEFtv's is enough to make me want more.

    Ooh, and the Bruvs remind me of Gamble/Shakur back in my time at PRIME.

    I'm really excited to get started and be an actual party of the story here.

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    Re: DEFCON ARC DISCUSSION THREAD -- DEFtv 66 IS LIVE!

    REAPER
    I'll go ahead and group all your work here together to save repeating myself. First and foremost, between this stuff and your stuff on Twitter? Heck yeah man. Talk about jumping in feet first. Good descriptions of the characters and the surroundings. That's something nobody should ever skimp on in this hobby imo is as many visual details as possible. The dialogue, you obvious have Reaper down pretty pat, but sometimes the other character sounded a little LIKE Reaper. Remember contractions and stuff for more "casual" characters like Terry "why they are here" should probably be "they're"... just here and there, weird nit picky stuff I pick up on because I'm a basket-case, but hey, feedback right? Overall, LOVE what you're setting up with Reaper being this unstable maniac, unconcerned with the usual "pro wrestling trappings", out to make an impact as violently as possible. Good stuff, especially considering who you're feuding with next arc.

    That last segment was the best of the three, btw. Excellent work sir.

    ANGRY LITTLE WOMAN
    Good final word / set-up promo before the PPV.

    B-ROLL
    LOOOOOOOOOVE shit like this. Very well written teaser, love the pretense of the random b-roll shoot.

    POKEBRUV GO!
    Fuck you guys for being so good at this.

    PENANCE
    Top notch promo sir, (I have some idears btw.)

    THE FINAL (CHEAP) SHOT
    My thoughts? ... well...

    I also have creative input in: Felton Bigsby, Viking War Cult, Don Hollywood, MDM4 and a few others... #BRAZEN

  12. #72
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    Re: DEFCON ARC DISCUSSION THREAD -- DEFtv 66 IS LIVE!

    Quick and dirty UNCUT 20 feedback.


    I like Reaper already. Great start with the constant Tweeting, and three segs on his first UNCUT. I know two of them were repurposed roleplays, but the point stands. What I like about these segments is that in the first one, we learn just enough about Reaper’s motivations to get invested in the dude, but he doesn’t give away so much that he blows his ambiguity. Strong element of intrigue around this weirdo already, which I really like. In one show you’ve introduced us to both Reaper and Terry by dropping just the right amount of friends. Looking forward to finding out who his first target is.


    Perfect promo from Harmony. Really, really great. She said everything that she needed to and came-off as strong without being overly harsh, and I didn’t notice a single curse word. I thoroughly enjoyed this segment and while I’m still worried Frank’s gonna kick her head in, she looks great going into the PPV.


    UNCUT misses Drunkbros. That is all.


    B-Roll was suitably ambiguous. Very nice.


    Of FUCKING course the Hollywood Bruvs come through with the Pokemon endorsement. Love the way these guys just satirise the shit out of every single moronic trend in pop culture. Great Murray-pleasing “AWWW C’MAWM!” moment too. Fun seg. Zero complaints. The D killed it at the end.


    Evan and Damien have killed it this arc. I think I’ll just end-up repeating my previous feedback if I go in-depth, but I loved Wayne’s clear breakdown of Box and what makes him and Eugene tick. The Box section was good too.


    I also liked the Troy piece. Always enjoy it when people fuck with the formula, and this brought me back to an old-school PTC roleplay, albeit in a condensed format. Effective way to add a little oomph going into DEFCON.


    Great UNCUT all-round. One of the best so far.
    DEF: The Murray Brothers, Jack Hunter, Jason Natas.
    LoC: Andy Murray.

  13. #73
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    Re: DEFCON ARC DISCUSSION THREAD -- DEFtv 66 IS LIVE!

    Quote Originally Posted by Murrr View Post
    I also liked the Troy piece. Always enjoy it when people fuck with the formula, and this brought me back to an old-school PTC roleplay, albeit in a condensed format. Effective way to add a little oomph going into DEFCON.
    I love that after ALL of Ryan's talking over the arc that Troy has no-sold beautifully, it's this one simple gesture... one TINY little laaaast poke that goes too far.

    Brilliant little extra segment to punctuate the whole Ryan / Troy arc going into DEFCON.
    I also have creative input in: Felton Bigsby, Viking War Cult, Don Hollywood, MDM4 and a few others... #BRAZEN

  14. #74
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    Re: DEFCON ARC DISCUSSION THREAD -- DEFtv 66 IS LIVE!

    Uncut Ten...possibly the best Uncut yet!

    Three segs from one of The Reaper. Usually this is too much but I think it works with the Uncut format and I was impressed with what I read and liked the progression between each one. Looking forward to see more.

    Harmony's seg was great. Shows the fight and determination in the woman despite fighting one of the toughest guys in Defiance. She's gonna bring it!

    B-Roll. No idea who or what's gonna happen with this but I guess that was the point. Written really well and has caught my attention!

    PokeBruvGO! I love writing with my bruvs! So Enjoyable. Very happy that other people are enjoying it also!

    Penance: I can't say anymore than I have over the past two weeks about how much I love this feud. So much history between the two and they've been on it week after week. Can't wait to read the PPV match. Great stuff.

    The Final (Cheap) Shot: Short but so so so sweet. Really nice touch here, very clever!

    Well done everyone!

  15. #75
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    Re: DEFCON ARC DISCUSSION THREAD -- DEFtv 66 IS LIVE!

    On The Horizon:
    DEFMAX tournament sounds freaking awesome. Can't wait to see the rest of the line up!
    #Hyped!

    Angry Little Woman:
    Harmony laying it down for us here. Telling us all what to expect come DEFCON, I've got my ticket and I'm looking forward to their match up. Good stuff here.

    B-Roll:
    Was definitely excited reading this, as expressed in previous feedback this is a great 'intro style' segment. Keeps the mystery up just like it should for the audience.

    PokeBruv Go!
    Awesome shout out to the current Pokemon Go! craziness. Every segment from Unlikely is always at the top of my list of favorites since I've been reading the shows. Always funny, always unique, someone I definitely look at when trying to think how I can improve upon my own writing.

    I want a #HollywoodBruvs Hoodie. Seriously, we need there in real life. Unlikely claiming the DEFMAX crown already. Excellent.

    Penance:
    Andy Murray laying out for us exactly what's going to happen to Bobby Dean at DEFCON, I sure hope Bobby has a plan to escape because I don't think Andy is going to let him out of the ring still breathing.

    Once and for all:
    Really in depth dialogue here that I enjoyed a lot. Honestly being so new to Defiance, these pieces that go into the history and bring up past events, I really love that. It gives me a bit of history to the story while not destroying my brain with knowledge. I'm really rooting for Eugene on this one simply because everything about Bronson just makes him seem like an unstoppable monster to me. I loved the ending!! I wasn't expecting Bronson to appear in this segment but his addition made this segment that much better. Definitely my favorite of the night. (Sorry Bruvs)

    The Final (Cheap) Shot
    Damn… I don't know if Dan Ryan is going to be able to survive the wrath that is coming for him. Again great piece of knowledge to fill in gaps for someone who is not so aware of the history between the two characters.

    Overall:
    Loving UNCUT, I love what it does for us as writers and the opportunity we get to add more to the 'show'. As for my stuff thank you for the positive and constructive feedback about my work and I apologize for the unintended formatting issues that my writing may have caused I will make sure to prevent that (hopefully) in the future. You guys rock!
    Quote Originally Posted by jayshort View Post
    Triple X: And, don't worry about Jason. He'll keep ending careers, destroying lives, and redefining what it means to be most insane son-of-a-b[BEEP]tch this industry has ever seen in Stalker's World.

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