DEFtv #58 - FEEDING THE BACKS OR SANTA HATES YOU!
#Well done everyone, there was nary an error that needed fixing other than a few ticky tack backspaces for randomly odd spacing.
#Next show's deadline is going to be 20th most likely, so I'll get the runsheet and backstage updated ASAP. I still want us to get on a roll for 2016.
#We'll be taking a free period after the next show until after New Years. I may or may not add the runsheets in advance to get them done and out of the way (both on the private forum and backstage).
#Anywhoozle, good work all, lets get on with the feedbacking and the show producing, close out 2015 strong.
Re: DEFtv #58 - FEEDING THE BACKS OR SANTA HATES YOU!
Line ‘Em Up: Me and Lindz. I wrote one, we powwowed and decided on another direction then scalped the first seg for good lines and wrote a whole new seg. Didn’t know it’d be the opener, great placement.
Keyes vs. Wolfe: Good stuff. Great use of yet another “active NPC” in Joe Wolfe. One of the veeeery first characters added to the doc. Interested to see where James takes Wolfe. A slow build over the next few arcs and he’d be great fodder for the SoHer division. Hope to see more from Keyes over the next few arcs, but having someone in a holding pattern like this with a few one off matches over the course of an arc hurts nothing.
Really really like having… well, stuff before the rundown. We need to make use of that cold open spot more often. Again, kudos to the segment placement this week.
I LEFT THE WASTELAND FOR DEFtv!
Right? My settlers need me goddamnit.
Donovan vs. Hugo Gonzales: lol… okay, Hugo Gonzales, Gerardo Villalobos Corey Nunez collectively known as The Barrio Boys are my own random ass high-dea that actually hasn’t even been used in BRAZEN yet, so this was sort of their debut apperence. Remember in grade school when the administration hires some “stay in school, don’t do drugs, dance/singing/whatever” group to come do an assembly for the kids? That. Three former street thugs who turned their life around thanks to their former high school principal turned manager Mr. Salazar who’s pretty much just Edward James Olmos from the movie Stand and Deliver… but anyway. Good match, the evolution of Donovan continues.
Prey - Part 2: Much improved from last week as far as the descriptive text. Love the very proper way he speaks, love the third person. Very weird, very cool. Keep up the great work my friend. We've never really had a lot of spooky monster heels in DEF, so you have a really great opportunity to creatively kick the door in over the next few arcs.
Team HOSS boys vs. Butcher & Cole: VERY well done recap that made Butcher and Cole look fantastic in defeat. Sooooo glad Team HOSS is back in the sandbox. Very well written.
Sam Speaks: Wandered a little but the end was nice with him popping off to Angus and leaving in a huff. Looking forward to you two kicking this one up a notch over the next couple shows.
Omega vs. Natas: Not my favorite match on the card. A few editing mistakes aside I think it could have benefited from more OOOOH’s and BOOOOO’s and what not. The end just sort of happened, really focus on that build. Look at what the writer did in the last match as an example of what I’m talking about.
Fan Interactions: Cute interaction, love seeing Sloan utilized like this. Funny, to the point, didn’t overstay his welcome, foreshadowed Harmony/Penn. I’d call that successful. Possibly could have used another once over for spelling and what not but overall good seg.
Sell Crazy Somewhere Else: LOL… Dan “The Rock” Ryan with the well played “IT DOESN'T MATTER… “ really really love the character development here. Ryan dances so well in that grey area as the grizzled short tempered asshole veteran, impressed by nothing and no one. The ending of this seg made me laugh. Perfect balance of intensity and chuckles, Brunk.
Dan Ryan vs. Andy Sharp: Would have benefited from some flavor text or some announcer babble in the middle to break up the action some but other than that one gripe, well written.
Seriously?: Me and Dames.
SOHER Match: What a killer group we have for the SOHER division right now. Harmony, Chance and Boo-Penn (their celebrity mash-up name, just because) all four work brilliantly off one another. Much respect for the slow build of Harmony, she’s shined as a character the last few arcs… ooooooone tiny bit of advice. I’d get with James or one of the other dudes good with moveset revamps and take a long look at Harmony’s moveset. Really keep her size in mind.
You Guys… : LOL, I swear to Christ this bromance between Zander and Booya might be my favorite thing in DEFIANCE right now. Well written, fantastic character work. Like I said on the last card, the little network of similarly motivated smarmy heels (HOSS boys, Penn, Booya) really tweaks my world building button. I might even call this my segment of the night honestly.
Main Event was me. *bro hug @ James* … watch yo’ self.
I also have creative input in: Jane Katze, Viking War Cult, Don Hollywood, MDM4 and a few others... #BRAZEN
Re: DEFtv #58 - FEEDING THE BACKS OR SANTA HATES YOU!
LINE ‘EM UP - The personality of the characters shows in this segment with Troy’s snarkiness, Boxer’s Boxeriness, Jane’s uptightness fighting for her client, and Kels just being the boss and not wavering when she makes a call. I like the fact that Boxer not only wasn’t negatively affected by the call (like some heels would be), but thoroughly up for the challenge.
KEYES vs WOLFE - I can’t say enough how much I prefer that we save the heavy reading for PPV only. Truth is, most TV matches don’t mean much, that’s not saying anything about THIS match, but man, I just really like being able to cruise through our shows.
As for this match. First off, COOKIES to Ben for getting the format right on the first try, it’s very much appreciated. Liked how you had Wolfe uncertain of how to react to the oddity that is Henry Keyes, showing the kids green-ness. A short crowd popper, get Keyes in there, give him a few good shots and then pop the crowd with the BELL CLAP. Good work.
THE RUNDOWN - I did this. I know it might be odd for this happen after a segment AND a match, but I’m okay with tinkering with the formula to make things fit properly.
DONOVAN vs GONZALES - I kept it as written since it felt more like a segment than a match, which is fine (it’s also reflected in the record keeping). In any case, Jake is becoming quite the firebug. It’s been said a bunch already, just keep working on it, Blue, you got the right path now.
PREY - PART 2 - Hah, it’s funny because that first reference is clearly pointing someone out who has been super annoying and disappointing. Good play on that. This was a good next step from your first full segment and it just makes me look forward to doing some stuff with Omega vs Dusty at some point, even Omega vs Ty to help push this character forward.
HOSS vs BUTCHER & COLE - Exactly what it needed to be, which was a straight up dismantling that highlighted the new and improved HOSS up until Dusty and FDJ make the big save at the end. Sethrow doing what he does, getting it done right.
SAM SPEAKS - Hah that Angus quote about a fireball making Sam the hottest wrestler in DEFIANCE, that’s a good line… Liked it overall, kind of unexpected how it turns out, but it leaves you with a few ways to do things with this frustration sooner and later (as we’ve discussed).
OMEGA vs NATAS - Okay, my bad on not reading the segment prior to this and then making an adjustment to the opening commentary. That said, I appreciate that you (Ed) made the effort to create some flow from one bit to the next.
One thing to point out that Ed does here:
Omega used his power to just wear Natas out. With Natas being out of ring shape his stamina was not there yet to withstand the impact from these moves.
This is a perfect example of summarizing a portion of a match, rather than write out how Omega picked up and slammed Natas with moves A, B, and C and take a lot longer to do that, he uses a single line to IMPLY that that just happened. Pointing this out just in case anyone might wonder where my view is on summarizing. Then moved it along at what you could guess would be the end of that sequence by pouring on a little more detail for a transitionary section:
Omega sensing that the end was near, picked up Natas and whipped him into the corner. The big man ran into the corner looking for a spear but missed and hit his shoulder against the ringpost. The ring shook as Natas was able to pull Omega from between the ropes and prop him in the corner.
Basically, summarize where you can so that you can pour on the detail where it really counts the most, yanno? Just little things like that help.
Natas moved to the opposite corner before racing back toward Omega, drilling him with a corner back elbow smash. Jason threw his hands up in excitement as Omega stood in the corner. Jason turning back around to look at Omega and saw something that sent chills down his spine for a brief moment.
As for the match itself, again, it makes Omega look like the biggest, baddest motherfucker in DEFIANCE after one match. It also continues to show Natas’ struggle, though I have to admit I should have probably suggested one or two fewer matches so Natas isn’t just getting beat every show, but still showing his struggle to return to form.
FAN INTERACTIONS - Poor Mike Sloan having to deal with Curtis Penn AND a flood of fans backstage. Poor, poor bastard, hah. Curtis Penn being Curtis Penn is never not amusing at the very least. Not exactly what I was expecting from this segment when thinking about Jon and Tracey working together, but it works and I have no issue with how it plays. For instance, I have absolutely no doubt that Penn would be oblivious that he doesn’t even know who Harmony is, or he’s just an enormous douche, either or is true.
SELL CRAZY SOMEWHERE ELSE - Seriously, Brunk wanted me to look at this to make sure it was okay to add to the show. This is Brunk 101, being better than most anyone else at cutting a good wrestling promo segment that covers two topics perfectly. The FIST and the match on the show he’s on his way towards. Dan Ryan skating around in the tweener ice rink too, showing respect for Andy Sharp, but being dickish enough to say “nope, not gonna lose.” and being amusing with it. Big ups to Seth for taking the fall here so Dan Ryan could get a highlight victory.
RYAN vs SHARP - I just want to say again how nice it is to have the important part of a match readable in a single scroll. So much less struggle for my antsiness and inability to focus at times. Solid effort, I might have added a couple more paragraphs to it, given both a little more action, but otherwise the money is still going to be in a rematch when Sharp has had more time to establish himself. I also want to point out something, if you use the commentary at the end of the match to transition to the next segment of the show, I’m totally fine with that. I’ve seen this a few times on this show and when I went in to check, before posting the show, I didn’t see any purpose in adding arbitrary [addition scene display content between these blocky parentheses.]
SERIOUSLY - Eugene losing his cool as the pressure mounts, this is wonderful… Okay forget it, I’m not going to break this down, because seriously, (pun intended?), I have no words for this segment. Honestly folks, between Dames and Evan, Lindz and Brunk, these four are the standard you all want to reach for when it comes to writing your character in DEFIANCE. That’s really all I’ve got to say about this segment and the segments these four have been producing together for several arcs now.
BOOYA vs HARMONY - Eeeeh, I think a lot of this promo at the beginning of the match should have been in the segment earlier on the show… I know you said you tried to combine your idea with the one I gave you, but here’s my issue.
1. There should have been a little more detail put into Crank and Penn “getting into it”. What I mean is, rather than say “Crank immediately gets into it verbally with Penn…” because there’s not a lot of reason given for it, Jon and Dan can elaborate on it in a segment or an on site bit, but it should have been like Crank is doing something and Penn is annoyed with him being in his business. Have them start to kind of get into it verbally.
2. Should have probably went with the finish I gave you. The reason for it is because the way I described it, cVc and Penn are arguing on the floor, Navarro is distracted by this right when Harm has Booya beat. Harm gets up and is all mad and is hollering at the ref and Penn and cVc, then she either takes a shot from cVc or Penn (ding ding ding DQ) or the distraction is enough for Booya to catch her with something cheap out of nowhere for the win.
Now if you’re wondering why I didn’t read it first and then tell you to change things? Because it’s your match, it’s up to you write it how you want. This is my opinion and doesn’t affect anything going forward, so it’s me being nitpicky.
YOU GUYS - Seth, I and Murr did this. It was fun. Natas showing that fire was fun.
CONTENDER GAUNTLET - We’ll just skip over Ulfric getting destroyed… Like giving Bigsby a little time to talk, but then immediately making it look like the kid is going to get destroyed, only to give Boxer some serious “I’ll show you” offense. Good stuff. Then we get to the real entertainment value. I know that Gary was very pleased with how this played, so that’s a good sign. Like Thorpe being cocky in the face of Bronson Box, young and giving no fucks knowing he’s got the game to roll with the likes of Boxer. Evan did exactly what needed to be done here, he made Thorpe look good against one of DEFIANCE’s longest running top guys, which gives Boxer a nice feather going into ASCENSION. Also, thanks to Gary for being willing to step up here, I know efed ego tends to get in the way, but like I said about Andy Sharp, there’s money in rematches. This is a good way to open the door to future stuff happening between these two, which I like seeing.
Re: DEFtv #58 - FEEDING THE BACKS OR SANTA HATES YOU!
So.... I got here and wanted to get caught up on the latest show... so I started reading and reviewing and it took until the end of the show for me to catch it was the wrong show entirely. THAT BEING SAID....I'm posting this feedback anyway, because.... well because I typed it!
So in the next few days ill read episode 59 and beefy dax that one too when I'm not such a moron and stoned. HERES MY THOUGHTS!
Line em up
This is great! I have a short experience with Bronson Box/Jane Katze elsewhere, and really dig the character. He writes it so believable with little accent sections here and there. As someone completely new to Defiance it's going to be a long show of learning characters. Lindsey Troy is a name I've heard before, and I think this Interaction shows off a bit of attitude from her. So we have a Match upcoming for the FIST, and these two will be included, only if they can first run gauntlets each!? Awesome! Loved the seg.
Henry Keyes vs Howlin Joe Wolfe
Nice match, with a crazy finish. lol. The match style here is different as well, but not bad. I can appreciate the abbreviated style. Henry Keyes picks up a big win with the surgically (or robotically) repaired arm. Good stuff.
So the first match was a dark match? Or the intro just came after? Either way, this commentary team is comical and informative. Nice intro, love the signs. This gem: “Keep telling yourself that, buddy... Meanwhile, the rest of us living in reality are going to be”
Jake Donavan vs Hugo Gonzales
Woah, Very descriptive match, very good writing. So apparently Donavan loves to shoot fireballs at people. Mental note taken, stay the fuck away from homeboy! This was a great way to get both characters over. start with the attack, move it to the ring, Hugo has a short comeback as a Brazen guy getting some air time, then BOOM. Fireballs errrrrrwhere.
Prey Part 2
OMEGA is a creepy fucking dude. always referring to WE. Watching a female could be construed as a sexual thing, but now he's watching Andy too, so there is def more to the story. Enjoyable character this is a little different way of making a debut and I enjoyed it thoroughly.
Trinidad & Aleczander vs Victorious & Cole
When the team of Trinidad and Aleczander came through the curtain I instantly thought Squash. This was anything but! Great fire and competitiveness from the BRAZEN boys. Really liked the surprise getting over with the fans, as well as the Hot tag at the end, only to be snuffed immmeadiatly. Then all hell breaks loose when the winning team takes advantage of their foes post match. Awesome!
Nice interview from Sam Horry, Who is facing Jake Donovan at Ascension. (The things you learn reading a show) Enjoyed this bit as well. He is not a interviewee who is long on words. He is to the point and in your face. I like this guy already. Hes not fucking around, he’s back and he’s going to make an impact.
Omega vs Jason Natas
This was a nicely written squash job. Natas did just enough to get some quick momentum a couple times ducking and dodging. The debuting monster ends this brutally. He is poised to go on a tear and it starts with Jason Natas.
Curtis Penn is an asshole and its awesome. Mike Sloan is not happy to be working for/with him! Now I can see why! The man treats him like shit. Then here comes Harmony, who Curtis mistakes for just another one of his fans. No dice, She tells him to keep watching and he will notice who she is. Great segment. Intrigued by all participants.
Sell Crazy Somewhere Else
LOL Loved the ending to this one. Nope… are you crazy? Nice face seg here, really comes off like a nice but tough guy. Onto the match!
Dan Ryan vs Andy Sharpe
Sharp starts the match off like a ball of fire and surprises the much larger opponent. Really starts running away with it before Ryan catches up. The majority of the match goes to Sharpe only to be crushed in the end. Very nice story telling in this one, way to keep both characters looking good.
Eugene Dewey and Bronson Box in a very tension filled segment. I was hooked from the go. Very good info here, telling their history a bit and helping a new guy like me out. Great writing!
Johnny Booya vs Harmony
I love the concept of an injured champion with someone fighting in his place. Harmony doesnt want that, she wants the champion. In a pretty good match she fights anyway. Unfortunately CVC hits the outside first and costs her the title by DQ decision. She gets the win but not the title.
Aleczander and Johnny Booya Bro out backstage before running into Jason Natas. Natas gives some backstory as to why he’s still getting in shape and then dares the boys to keep teasing him as he walks off. Gets a nerd for his troubles.
Bronson Box runs through the Gauntlet and even though it was not easy, he has his shot! Next week Lindsey Troy gets the same opportunity. Great match writing throughout this one, some cool surprises and nice spots. Box had a great story on this show.
Re: DEFtv #58 - FEEDING THE BACKS OR SANTA HATES YOU!
I had printed out the PDF of 58 because James and I were going to discuss it on the After Party....and then the After Party went off the rails. And now the print out with all the notes/feedback is gone. I'm blaming Christmas.
Here are a few points I remember, though:
- Theme music is italicized and centered, kids. This is a recurring theme that's missed in several places on the card.
- I liked the change of direction Evan and I finally decided on for the cold open. It flowed a lot better and made more sense.
- Keyes vs. Wolfe: I thought the Test (Feat?) of Strength coming at the end was an odd placement given how 'rasslin matches usually go.
- Rundown coming after Keyes/Wolfe was alright - I'd like to think Kelly wanted the hot opener to make sure Keyes wasn't going to go disappearing in his airship again (playing off of the seg on 57).
- Donovan vs. Gonzales: I would've liked the lead-in better if it had been its own separate seg. I also want to remind everyone to keep continuity - Angus is the head booker of BRAZEN, and him putting down the developmental talent like he did at the end of this match is a total head-scratcher.
- I'm looking forward to when Ed will have Omega in a feud with a writing partner.
- I don't think Sam was sufficiently angry in his monologue via satellite. Jake's hitting too close to home with his interactions with Jeanie (and it's Jeanie, right? Not Elizabeth?) and Sam doesn't get heated until right at the end. Would've liked to have seen more intensity earlier.
- I want less talky-talk from Harmony. We get it, all #thesedudes #outhere gotta put on their big boy panties, and Harmony's gonna add in the cliches about how they gotta fight a girl whether they want to or not. I want to know at what point she's going to forego all of that and just straight-up punch a dude in the face without the big song and dance number for the lead-in. Maybe it's on the horizon (I'm rooting for it to be).
- Brunk and Damien are just too good with Ryan and Eugene. Regarding the Eugene/Bronson segment specifically: there was way too much talky-talk from Bronson here and not enough Eugene to balance it out. Like, Eugene would just sit back and not say anything as B rambles on for a couple paragraphs?
- I'm still not entirely sure of this Angel/Alecz/HOSS dynamic here. I get that, in theory, Angel's supposed to be pushed as a singles guy now and Alecz is gonna dick around with Booya as the Super Muscle Bros for the lulz. But there's still too much of a Team HOSS vibe here, even if Cappy's just a background guy. And maybe there will be more of a distinct separation in the coming shows and over the next couple arcs, but right now it still feels like Team HOSS vs. Dusty and then Booya's over there waiting in the wings for the derping.
- I think Evan did a good job with the gauntlet match itself but outside of Thorpe, nobody on paper was really going to give Box much of a challenge here. Bigsby does make sense given the past history with the Conclave and we were constrained with the booking since other potential candidates already had matches booked for the show. Them's the breaks, and the match still came off well despite it.
Last edited by QueenOfTheRing; 12-30-15 at 09:12 AM.
Re: DEFtv #58 - FEEDING THE BACKS OR SANTA HATES YOU!
- Loving LT and Box playing off each other in this. The snarkiness is delicious.
- I love Henry Keyes. There, I said it. Nice little opening match.
- Donovan is seriously slipping through the cracks of sanity. Solid match up that showed off one of our BRAZEN talents well.
- Okay, Sharp has a stalker now too. Omega is getting weirder and weirder, and seems to be looking to pick off the established names. Nice segment.
- BRAWL! Good match that showed the new team HOSS as an absolute force and Griffith and FDJ aren't taking their shit.
- Sam is pissed. Donovan is going to get fucked up.
- Very good debut match for Omega. Pushed him as the cold monster and further pushed that Natas is out of shape and struggling to get back into the game, well done.
- Oh look, a segment I helped write.
- Oh Mr Ryan, would you like a little more salt for those fries? He's a little overconfident and you know pride comes before a fall, right?
- Mr Ryan looks strong and Mr Sharp gets a good outing. Nice match.
- OSHIT RUN FOR COVER, IT'S GONNA BLOW!!!!!!! Box just absolutely laid the verbal smackdown on Dewey. Love it.
- Oh lookey, I wrote this. On re-reading, I feel James had a point on the ending of the match. It does seem a little bit "too much going on" if you get my drift?
- Okay, my only issue with this seg being where it is, is that Booya supposedly just went through a match and that doesn't come across in the segment. Other than that, SUPER MUSCLE BROS!!
- This gauntlet match is golden. Really puts Box over as an absolute bohemoth.
Spotted some spacing issues in a couple of places that needed fixing. Not sure if thats a google docs to website issue. There's also the odd point where the end commentary of one seg and the opening commentary of the next part of the show don't quite blend into each other (Sam Horry interview into Omega vs. Natas for one). They may seem silly little things, but it'll help the flow of reading it they were fixed. Yes I'm being anal rententive there, but that's me
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