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  1. #1
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    Alex Reyn Application Form

    Handler Information

    Name: Lunacorva
    Email Address: Lunacorva@live.com
    Best Way to Contact You: Skype (Lunacorva)
    eWrestling Experience: E-fed Roleplaying at World Wrestling Xistence. I still consider myself a newcomer to E-Wrestling though
    How did you find DEFIANCE?: I looked for Angle E-feds still active since it's a style of E-Wrestling I wanted to try.

    Writing Sample

    SAMPLE PROMO:

    (This was my character's introductory promo on WWX)

    The small glow of a campfire flickered in the woods. It's lone dance casting shadows across the trees as a young man sat on a log calmly poking at the flames with a stick, keeping the fire burning.

    "Tell me." he began to speak slowly, raising his head to stare directly at the cameraman, face calculating and expressionless. "Have you ever heard the story of the East Wind?"

    No response.

    "No?" the man smirked. His tone was soft, low, almost a hum as he shifted his position, leaning closer to the cameraman.

    "Once upon a time, in lands long forgotten, there lived a tribe of warriors. This tribe lived alone in the wilderness, surrounded on all sides by vicious horrors that would make grown men weep. To these men and woman, survival seemed like nothing more than a fanciful dream.

    "But these people were proud, and they were fierce, they worshiped their warrior spirits, and they vowed to claim the land as their own. It took years. But finally, after years of combat, of toil, of war, hope, glory and courage, the tribe of warriors clawed their way to the top of the mountain and finally claimed dominance over the land!"

    The young man was smiling now, as if recalling a fond memory.

    "And the spirits! Oh, the spirits who had watched over them were elated! They could not be more proud of their children for what they had accomplished!"

    The man's mood darkened suddenly. a look of disgust growing on his face.

    "But then, something unforgivable happened. The tribe of warriors, secure in their dominance... began to relax. They became complacent, slow, lazy! PATHETIC!!!"

    He screamed the last word out and it echoed through the forest.

    Silence fell for several seconds before the young man began speaking again. His voice once again cold and expressionless.

    "The people of tribe had become cowardly and weak. So the spirits decided that they needed to be put down. One day, reports came into the village of a young man from the east. The man walked alone they said, and wherever he went, a chilling wind seemed to follow him.

    "The people of the tribe were hopeful, believing the man to have been sent by the spirits to bless them, to reward them for their achievements."

    He chuckled cruelly

    "Well... they were half right."

    He continued.

    "The elders decided to send their finest warriors to greet the traveler. Only one would return, his eyes plucked from his sockets, telling his people about how the traveler had slaughtered his friends one by one, skinning them alive. The warrior died of his wounds soon after."

    The man smiled

    "But that wasn't the end of it. Soon after, the people of the tribe began to see strange figures from the corner of their eyes, hear voices whispering in their head.

    "Then the disappearances began. When a tribesman's panic began to reach levels that bordered on madness, he would suddenly disappear. Only for the other tribesmen to find his shredded corpse nailed to the door of his home. The pattern continued for months as the traveler toyed with his prey. Stalking, hunting and killing. The traveler spared no mercy to any man, woman or child.

    "Finally, only the oldest man was left. Surrounded by the bloody corpses of his friends and loved ones, he tearfully begged to know WHY? Why had the traveler done this to them?

    "'Because you became weak.' the traveler said 'And that is an insult that cannot be tolerated.'

    "And then, he committed the cruelest action of all, he let the old man live. Alone and terrified for the rest of his days. And the old man spent those days telling every warrior he would meet about the tale of the East Wind. The lone stranger who sort out the bravest, strongest warriors in the land, and weeded out the worthy from the impostors."

    As the fire began to fade, the man stared into the camera.

    "Warriors of Defiance, be warned. For I am the East Wind. And I am coming for you."

    Wrestler(s) Information

    Ring Name: Alex Reyn
    Height: 6'0
    Weight: 190 lb

    Hailing From: Parts Unknown

    Alignment: Heel

    Gimmick: As stated in the above promo, Alex Reyn essentially considers himself to be Natural Selection incarnate. Weeding out the strong from the weak. He values courage, ability, pride and perseverance and despises cowardice

    Wrestling Style: Alex Reyn uses a combination of high flying manuevers and swift, hard-hitting strikes. He often executes a three part game plan. First softening the opponent up with accurate, lightning fast punches and kicks before picking up the pace with several running attacks to essentially run rings around the dazed opponent. Finally, he will go all out with his high-flying.

    Three Weaknesses:

    *Lack of strength: Alex Reyn is not the biggest wrestler in the business and is therefore not the strongest. His moveset is notably lacking in techniques that involve hoisting an opponent of their feet.

    * Very poor chain wrestler: This is a consequence of him focusing on his strikes, and aerial moves. He's spent much less effort in basic chain wrestling and relies on his speed to avoid being caught in locks and holds

    * Pride: Unlike most heels, Alex is an extremely proud man to the point where he will NOT allow anyone to beat his opponent but himself. This means he refuses to take advantage of distracted opponents and would actually attack the man who CAUSED the distraction in the first place. Even if it costs him the match


    Three Strengths:

    *Speed&Agility: Alex Reyn embodies the old saying "It's hard to wrestle a man if you can't grab him". Using his speed to dodge basic strikes and holds, and his agility to reverse big man moves (A suddne clap to the ears stuns the opponent long enough for him to turn a power bomb attempt into a hurricanrana, a swift elbow lets him reverse a chokeslam into a complete shot. ect.)

    * Genre Savvy: Alex has studied wrestling for a long time, so he's wise to the common mistakes that so many wrestlers make (Staring down at the ramp when someone's entrance music hits and getting rolled up by the opponent as a result, spending too much time showing off ect.) and is quick to take steps to avert those common mistakes.

    *High pain threshold.

    MOVESET

    Ten regular moveset moves:

    1) Multiple Hurricanrana variations
    2) Multiple DDT Variations
    3) Swinging Neckbreaker
    4) Shooting Star Press
    5) Multiple punching combos
    6) Multiple kick variations
    7) Springboard crossbody
    8) Diving Crossbody
    9) Diving Hurricanrana
    10) Running or Missile Dropkick to side of the opponents knee while said leg is draped across the bottom turnbuckle. Crushing the knee sideways against the turnbuckle

    2-5 trademark moves:

    1) Running Springboard Suicide Crossbody
    2) Striking Spear
    3) Alex Reyn whips his opponent into the corner before hitting a running splash in the corner. Then he whips the opponent into the opposite corner before spearing them in that corner
    4) Corkscrew Moonsault
    5) Running Dropkick or Van-terminator to head or neck of cornered opponent

    1 Finishing Move: "East Wind Cutter" (Elevated Rolling Cutter)


    Last edited by Lunacorva; 06-15-15 at 08:28 PM. Reason: Fixing up the weight issues people had.

  2. #2
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    Re: Alex Reyn Application Form

    Heya, I'm James (handler of Dusty Griffith & Tyrone Walker)

    Welcome to the process. Here goes.

    1. Think you'll need to up the weight of this character. 6' 150lbs is really, really skinny. Make him a welterweight/middleweight (170-185lbs) and you're good to go there.

    2. Your moveset is solid, no complaints there.

    3. I'll let some of our others pass judgement on the writing sample.

    4. Gimmick: As stated in the above promo, Alex Reyn essentially considers himself to be Natural Selection incarnate. Weeding out the strong from the weak. He values courage, ability, pride and perseverance and despises cowardice

    4a. Do you mean weak from the strong?

    4b. That sounds more like a babyface than a heel to be honest.

    My big question to you.

    5. Are you willing to write matches? It is a non-negotiable task in DEFIANCE and everyone is expected to chip in.




    I'm a soft-yay right now, will wait to see how the rest of the process (the others who chime in) plays out. Still need three more votes to be accepted.
    I'm a Fig Newton of Your Imagination.


    DEFIANCE WRESTLING ~ Stand up. Defy.
    * Dusty Griffith: the Unbreakable Pillar of DEFIANCE
    * Tyrone Walker: the Ol' Man River of DEFIANCE

    RED LINE WRESTLING
    * El Habanero



    GOOGLE DRIVE ~ jmsnrs716 @ gmail . com
    GOT A DOC, NEED A INVITE, SEND TO ABOVE

  3. #3
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    Re: Alex Reyn Application Form

    The writing was solid, for what it was, I would like to see what you would do promoing against an actual opponent, but this does show that you have writing ability. Is this an actual legend, or something that you created?

    As for the size, weight, I agree with James, 6' 150 is way too skinny, my 17 year old son is 6' 180 and a former high school wrestler and thats a pretty good weight/height ratio for lightweight, even then i would suggest maybe 190.

    Moveset lis okay, lots of high impact stuff, remember that high fliers have to have something between the high flying, though I see you state he doesn't chain wrestle well. i don't see a lot of heel in the mindset, more of a face, pride alone doesn't make a heel, especially not the way you've written it here.

    I'm a soft yes as well, I'd like to see you address the things that have been brought up so far.

  4. #4
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    Re: Alex Reyn Application Form

    Alright, thank you gentlemen. To answer your commentary:

    To SenorJames

    1) Alright. I'd actually intended him to be 200 pounds originally, but when I looked up 6'0 200 pounds on a BMI, it listed it as overweight. And since I'm trying to play a smaller wrestler, I dropped it down. You have more experience in this than I do though, so I'll listen to your advice.

    4a) Yeah, I'll fix that up.

    4b) The reason I ultimately consider him a heel and not a face, is because while his ideals are noble, he goes FAR past the point of what is acceptable in his crusade to enforce them. Bottomline, Alex Reyn is SADISTIC and I honestly imagine that while the fans might cheer that AT FIRST, they'll ultimately side with the opponent, even if that opponent is normally a heel himself. Simply because even HE doesn't deserve what Alex does to people. I tried to hint at that in the legend. The East Wind tortured and murdered people for the sole crime of not living up to HIS expectations. Now obviously, the wrestler Alex Reyn isn't going to be killing anyone, but the principle still applies. He might have good TRAITS, but that doesn't make him a good person.

    5) I'm going to be honest here: I LOVE writing matches.

    To Mr Ulfric

    1) If you'd like, I can provide some examples of promos against other people:

    A CHALLENGE TO THE RED WOLF


    A young man stood outside a hospital at night, he stared at it, back turned to the cameraman and looking up at the higher floors.

    "It truly is a miracle what you accomplished." he began. Still facing away from the camera. "An injury like that, few men would have survived. Even fewer would have the courage to do what you did. Sacrificing a piece of your humanity? Putting yourself through such pain, such AGONY?! I read the reports, you reacted badly to the aesthetic, they had to perform the operation WHILE YOU WHERE STILL CONCIOUS!"

    He turned now and grinned savagely at the camera.

    "I admire that Mr Wulfman, truly I do. A warrior like you is EXACTLY the kind that this world needs. A man of strength, courage and dedication."

    "However..."

    His head tilted quizzically to the side.

    "Merely hearing about a man's strength isn't enough for one such as myself. No, I need to see it first hand. I need to see the fire that rages within you as you fight for your life! So heed this warning and be prepared Korath Wulfman. For I am the East Wind. And I'm coming for you first."


    YOUR WORDS MEAN NOTHING


    OOC Note: Forgot to put the promo as a Mayhem promo, sorry.

    Note: takes place immediately after Korath Wulfvain's promo.

    OOC Note: The sudden switches to third person are NOT typos, they are very much deliberate.

    *Camera suddenly flickers.*

    *Static*

    *Random images*

    *Static*

    *The face of Alex Reyn is seen, almost completely obscured in shadow.

    Alex: If you think I am brave, I am not. If you think I have honour, I do not.

    Alex: Honour? Courage? Those are human concepts. In his youth, they might have meant something to him, but not anymore. I didn't challenge you because I wanted to prove myself Korath, I did it because I NEED to. Is the lion being courageous when it strikes down the gazelle? Does the virus show honour when it slays the knight?

    Alex: Everything in this world has it's purpose, it's reason to exist. Mine is quite simple, I am the trial, the struggle, the tribulation. I find the greatest warriors, and I see if they truly deserve to hold their title. You are my first subject. This isn't a test for me Korath, it's a test for YOU. I have a duty, and a purpose that reaches far beyond mere pride. I am Darwinism incarnate! I am the champion of Strife! Natural selection incarnate!!

    Alex: I AM the East Wind. And I'm here.


    EMBERS IN THE WIND.


    In the forest at midnight, the light from a campfire flickers.

    "Damien Price. The rising star of WWX... I've been watching you child, watching you soar to the top. I like your ambition boy, you remind me of someone I knew long ago.

    Alex Reyn, eyes hidden in the shadows.

    "Perhaps you've heard of him? Icarus. The boy who flew too high and had his wings burned off by the sun. Icarus was a fool. Not for flying high though. Ambition is after all, the greatest of virtues. No... what made him a fool was his inability to uphold his pride. He tried to claim dominion in our world with wings of mere paper and glue. And so he was cast down like the weakling he was."

    A hand reached out into the fire and grabbed a handful of the burning embers. Ignoring the intense heat.

    "I say this to you as a word of caution young one. Come Ravage, you will be doing battle against the East Wind, the champion of Strife. I exist for the soul purpose of eliminating the weak from this world and if I find your abilities to be lacking, I will have neither pity nor mercy. You may think that you have the right to be arrogant, that your previous victories make you the veteran and I the underdog. But I have been slaughtering warriors before your civilization was more than a village of mud huts."

    He crushed the embers in his fist.

    "So take heed Damien Price. For I am the East Wind. And you're next."


    YOU STILL DON'T GET IT DO YOU?


    *Camera cuts to Alex Reyn*

    "You know, I would almost pity you child. Almost. The ignorance you displayed in that little speech of yours truly astounds me. Time and time again you mortals think that I'm on the same level as you, that I need to prove myself to you. I'm really not sure how I can make this plainer: I am here to TEST you, to either ascend you to greatness, or remove those who don't have value. I eliminated Korath BECAUSE he was a broken warrior. I gave him the chance to rise up once more and he failed. TWICE. That is why he no longer deserves respect."

    He growls at the camera.

    "As for you Damian. I'll admit, there is one thing you said that is true. This is NOT a battle between equals. At Ravage, all your accomplishments, all your abilities, all of it shall become meaningless when you step onto the battlefield with the East Wind. So I truly hope you have what it takes to impress me child. Because if there is one thing worse than a weakling, it's a weakling who thinks himself a God."

    "So take heed Damian Price. Because I am the East Wind. And you shall regret your blasphemous statements."

    ---------------------------------------------------

    **Commercial**

    Cameras return from commercial to the backstage area.

    Lydia Rose is backstage, talking to Damien Price. The camera is unable to pickup what they're saying however and the two of them exchange a kiss before Damian leaves, obviously to prepare for his match.

    As Lydia Rose begins to head back to her Locker, the lights begin to flicker. Looking up with a scowl, Lydia rolls her eyes and keeps walking.

    The lights shut off entirely.

    Muttered cursing is heard as Lydia searches in her pocket for her phone. Finally she turns it on and uses it to illuminate the room.

    Alex Reyn is standing directly in front of her.

    Lydia jumps back in shock, barely managing to keep in a scream. She recovers quickly though and glares at Alex Reyn. Who only stares at her impassively.

    The two stand there in silence for several minutes. Finally, Lydia growls.

    "What do you want kid?" she says.

    Alex Reyn tilts his head.

    "You're not afraid of me, are you?"

    This time, Lydia smirks.

    "What? you think you're the first bully I've seen? Nice try boy, but if you're hoping to use some pathetic little light show and use me to play mind games with my boyfriend, it's not going to work. In case you haven't noticed, my boyfriend is a Triple A Champion! So if you think these cheap tactics will help you beat him, you're out of your mind!"

    "I do not care about Damien Price. It is YOU who I am interested in Miss Rose."

    "Sorry Junior, but I date MEN, not little boys. And word of advice: If you think my boyfriend can be overlooked, you're sadly mistaken."

    Alex Reyn ignores her, instead moving closer and Lydia, in spite of herself, takes a few steps back.

    "Don't you dare touch me!" she snaps.

    "Tell me Miss Rose, have you ever felt pain before?"

    "W-what?"

    "Have you ever had to struggle for your life? Ever had to fight to survive?"

    He's circling her now.

    "You're a weakling in a world of warriors, a non-combatant hiding behind a superior creature. You know I don't tolerate weakness."

    His hand is suddenly around her throat and she is lifted into the air. Genuine fear lights up her eyes as she struggles for breath as Alex's thumb presses down onto her larynx, his eyes perfectly calm as hers are wide and panicked. She realises he's going to kill her if she doesn't do something!

    SMACK!!

    She lashes out, punching Alex across the face as hard as she can. Immediately she drops her and she collapses to her knees, holding her throat as she coughs violently.

    "What- what the Hell is wrong with you, you F**KING PSYCHOPATH!!!" she manages to get out, some blood comes out of her mouth.

    It's not as much as the blood leaking down Alex's forehead as Lydia's punch has actually busted him open and he's already beginning to don the proverbial "Crimson Mask".

    And he's SMILING.

    "Just as I expected." Alex says, sounding enormously pleased. "You may appear to be weak Miss Rose, but there is a fire inside you that is the equal of any warrior.

    "However, that fire is sheltered, weak. You may have the HEART of a warrior, but it doesn't mean you are one. Fortunately, I am willing to be charitable. Here is my warning dear child. You are going to lose everything. Your friends, your family, your home, one by one I will take them away from you until you have nothing left but yourself. And when you have nothing, when you find yourself alone before the East Wind, it will be up to you whether you defeat me and ascend to greatness, or fail and are cut out like a weed. Our battle approaches Lydia, I suggest you prepare."

    With those words, he slips back into the darkness.


    **Commercials**
    -------------------------------------

    2): I made the legend up myself, though I had two inspirations.

    The general idea for the character came from the Goddess "Strife" from the Pony POV series. Who is the concept of Darwinism and Natural Selection.

    And the title "The East Wind" came from the third "Sherlock" episode, where the titular character tells John about an old ghost story his brother used to tell him. About an East Wind that comes and sweeps away all that are unworthy.

    3&5) Same here as what I said to SenorJames.

    4) I also mentioned that he uses swift jabs, punches and kicks to soften up his opponent which serves as his replacement for chain wrestling. As well as mid to low impact moves like DDT's and Neckbreakers.

  5. #5
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    Re: Alex Reyn Application Form

    So...

    Quote Originally Posted by Lunacorva View Post
    Name: Lunacorva
    ...IF THAT IS YOUR REAL NAME....

    Here's the deal:

    We've got two super over heels on the roster who I think are better representations of "Natural Selection Incarnate" than Alex Reyn is right now. James and Blue are right - your gimmick as written is a little wonky. The writing sample's alright; I wasn't wowed but it wasn't terrible. It was solid.

    I think the guy needs to be one thing or the other: reincarnation of the East Wind (high flyer) or NSI (HOSS). If it's the latter....we've got Bronson Box and Mushigihara already, so I'm a no. If it's the former, I'm a maybe. I don't think the spooky/eerie stuff will fly here in DEFIANCE, so if that's a gimmick trait you're married to I may be switching that "maybe" to a "no."

  6. #6
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    Re: Alex Reyn Application Form

    To add on to a few other folks' critique about the gimmick feeling a little off, I think a risk that comes with a high-flyer that's also a heel is that so many high-flying moves are super exciting and pop a crowd. I think the moveset could definitely benefit by a few sinister/conniving/brutal moves. If this were my character (and this is just a suggestion), I'd word the gimmick a little more like this:

    Gimmick: As stated in the above promo, Alex Reyn essentially considers himself to be Natural Selection incarnate. Weeding out what he perceives to be the weak from the strong. He portrays to others the ideals of courage, ability, pride and perseverance and despises cowardice; but actually, he manipulates the definitions of these characteristics to completely self-serving ends

    I'm holding off on my yay/nay for the time being and could be swayed either way. It's a good sign that you're responding to constructive criticism already.
    ---
    Henry Keyes, DEFIANCE

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    Re: Alex Reyn Application Form

    The thing is, I don't like this idea that to be a Heel you need to tick every single box on a heel checklist. That you have to be boring, AND you have to cheat, AND you need to be a coward. ect. ect.

    I like it when the heel has some traits that make him different from the stereotypical heel. Like a heel that refuses to cheat for instance.

    I remember Paul Heyman once making a really good point about Raven that honestly stood out to me: https://youtu.be/d9KMgW1bKn0?t=1m14s
    Last edited by Lunacorva; 06-15-15 at 10:20 PM.

  8. #8
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    Re: Alex Reyn Application Form

    Quote Originally Posted by Lunacorva View Post
    The thing is, I don't like this idea that to be a Heel you need to tick every single box on a heel checklist. That you have to be boring, AND you have to cheat, AND you need to be a coward. ect. ect.

    I like it when the heel has some traits that make him different from the stereotypical heel. Like a heel that refuses to cheat for instance.
    I agree that heels shouldn't necessarily check every box on the heel survey, but:

    - he's a high flyer
    - he's courageous
    - he despises cowardice
    - he sometimes takes it too far, but he's also genre-savvy
    - he's not convincing as a Ramsay Bolton flay-you-alive type

    Where is the heel?
    ---
    Henry Keyes, DEFIANCE

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    Re: Alex Reyn Application Form

    Well I mentioned the heel part in my reply to SenorJames:

    "The reason I ultimately consider him a heel and not a face, is because while his ideals are noble, he goes FAR past the point of what is acceptable in his crusade to enforce them. Bottomline, Alex Reyn is SADISTIC and I honestly imagine that while the fans might cheer that AT FIRST, they'll ultimately side with the opponent, even if that opponent is normally a heel himself. Simply because even HE doesn't deserve what Alex does to people. I tried to hint at that in the legend. The East Wind tortured and murdered people for the sole crime of not living up to HIS expectations. Now obviously, the wrestler Alex Reyn isn't going to be killing anyone, but the principle still applies. He might have good TRAITS, but that doesn't make him a good person."

    As for the lack of brutal moves in his moveset. Things like drapping the opponent over a table, handcuffing each of the opponents limbs to a seperate leg of a table then hitting a Shooting Star Press on the table so that the force of the table breaking wrenches the opponents limbs out of their sockets are spots not moves. They're not going to be in his regular moveset for obvious reasons.

    If you really think I should change his designation to Face, that's fine, but I honestly see him as a villain.

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    Re: Alex Reyn Application Form

    I agree that a heel doesn't have to tick off all the boxes, neither does a face, a face can take things too far as well, especially when pushed by a great heel. The promos were okay, I wasn't blown away by them and the dark/spooky/attemps at heelish comments are a bit overdone, they were almost funny rather than scary, simply because most were a bit cliche. May I ask why you want him to be a heel? What are you hoping to achieve as a heel with this character here in DEFIANCE?

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    Re: Alex Reyn Application Form

    It's not so much I want him to be a heel, I just feel that he is a heel. I originally had been considering Face for him, but the more I thought about it, the more he seemed like a villain rather than a hero.

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    Re: Alex Reyn Application Form

    Let me step in here for a second.

    We already have at least two heels who think they have higher values than everyone else but brutalize them because in reality they're nutjobs, and whether you agree or not, that's your gimmick and why you consider it heel.

    As for the 6'0" 200lbs BMI thing, yeah, a regular dude at six foot tall and two hundo is overweight. However, and I can't believe you don't know this, wrestlers have muscles, and muscles weigh more than fat.

    So, to be flat, this character is fucking terrible and would not work in DEF. If for none of the reasons listed, then because I hate flippydoos and I don't want to read it.

    However.

    The writing sample was solid, and you seem amenable to working with people who have ideas and whatnot. So, I propose you go back to the drawing board character-wise, and see what else you can come up with. Meanwhile we'll hold all of those soft maybes for you.
    Stand up. Defy!
    www.DEFIANCEwrestling.com

    [There was a commercial, or your stream froze, pretend we have a Diva division and a piss-break match came on; whatever, just, give me five minutes okay? Everybody crapped on the idea of commercials and I need for five minutes to have passed, dig it?]

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    Re: Alex Reyn Application Form

    Let's put this in concrete terms. You have a character with roughly the size of a Shawn Michaels, Hurricane Helms, or (charitably) a CM Punk. These are not imposing or intimidating characters, which is what you would like us to believe Alex Reyn is. In terms of physical dimensions alone, he'd be one of the smallest wrestlers in DEFIANCE, and not easily able to exert his will on too many others on the roster. Considering you started with a weight of 150 pounds before revising up to 190 based on feedback, it makes your characterization look unrealistic, bordering on silly. Typically, a guy like this who wanted to knock people around would need a really big dude backing him up as his muscle -- think Diesel or Luke Gallows. It's something to think about.

    Another thing: It takes a strong writing talent to pull off a "righteous heel" character, one who abides by a certain code but still gets heat for his heelish activities. Evan is currently handling the epitome of that character in the form of Bronson Box. Box is written in a well-defined voice with the necessary nuance to strike the proper balance. What you've presented in your sample RPs is a pretty one-dimensional character who is not so much a fully realized person and more a trope, all smirks and darkness and superiority. You want us to believe he's both noble and sadistic, and I propose to you that you can't have it both ways. If Alex Reyn really believes he's the East Wind, he's at best amoral, he's above what lesser beings would consider to be right and wrong. That makes him villainous, yes, but definitely not in possession of anything you'd call good characteristics. This is maybe what you've been trying to say, without articulating it this way.

    You've been great about responding to feedback so far, so I hope you'll accept our constructive criticism in the way it's intended. There's potential here. Try reworking your core concept a little bit.
    DEFIANCE WRESTLING
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  14. #14
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    Re: Alex Reyn Application Form

    @Justin:

    "We already have at least two heels who think they have higher values than everyone else but brutalize them because in reality they're nutjobs, and whether you agree or not, that's your gimmick and why you consider it heel."

    True

    "
    So, to be flat, this character is fucking terrible and would not work in DEF. If for none of the reasons listed, then because I hate flippydoos and I don't want to read it."

    That seems a little biased, but okay.
    @PositivelyKen:

    "Let's put this in concrete terms. You have a character with roughly the size of a Shawn Michaels, Hurricane Helms, or (charitably) a CM Punk. These are not imposing or intimidating characters, which is what you would like us to believe Alex Reyn is. In terms of physical dimensions alone, he'd be one of the smallest wrestlers in DEFIANCE, and not easily able to exert his will on too many others on the roster. Considering you started with a weight of 150 pounds before revising up to 190 based on feedback, it makes your characterization look unrealistic, bordering on silly. Typically, a guy like this who wanted to knock people around would need a really big dude backing him up as his muscle -- think Diesel or Luke Gallows. It's something to think about."

    I never said he'd be knocking people around. In fact, part of the reason I started considering him as a heel is because I started thinking about the tactics he's use as a smaller wrestler against a larger powerhouse.

    I imagined him likely targeting the legs of the bigger man, hitting dropkicks on the knees to knock him down, wrenching on the legs, basically putting the guy in so much pain that he can't get up, allowing Alex the freedom to hit his high-flying moves without fear of the big man catching him in midair.

    Then I thought:

    'Wait, so my guy is going to be trying to break this supposed "heel's" legs, while the heel is fighting to simply stay standing? The more that I think about it, that would actually make the audience sympathetic to the OTHER guy.'

    "
    If Alex Reyn really believes he's the East Wind, he's at best amoral, he's above what lesser beings would consider to be right and wrong. That makes him villainous, yes, but definitely not in possession of anything you'd call good characteristics. This is maybe what you've been trying to say, without articulating it this way."

    Yes, that is exactly what I've been trying to say.

    Also, I would argue against him being One-dimensional. Yes he's all smiles and darkness and superiority. But he also genuinely appreciates strength in others. He WANTS them to improve themselves. He's cruel, but he has a code of honour and pride that hates cheating. That's at least two-dimensional. That's not a three dimensional character, but I think that's sort of the point. He's discarded any traits that don't relate to what he believes is his "purpose". He doesn't have things like favourite foods or tv shows or political opinions because he sees them as distractions.

    I'll try to keep listening to feedback. I may argue, but I AM listening to all of it.

  15. #15
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    Re: Alex Reyn Application Form

    Quote Originally Posted by Lunacorva View Post
    @Justin:
    "So, to be flat, this character is fucking terrible and would not work in DEF. If for none of the reasons listed, then because I hate flippydoos and I don't want to read it."

    That seems a little biased, but okay.
    Justin runs DEFIANCE so if he doesn't want straight-up flippy-doos, a straight-up flippy-doo isn't going to get in.

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