It may be an overused cliché, but the air in the Jungle was electric. Something in the arena was literally filling the air with so much static electricity that people in the crowd had been giving occasional shocks to one another since they took their seats. But that’s for later.

There was a standing room only crowd buzzing with anticipation for thirty of the best wrestlers from around the world all competing in one match, an over-the-top-rope lottery rules battle royal to crown a BATTLEMANIA Champion with a lot of prize money on the line!
The crowd had a little time to get settled in before the sound system came to life.

“Who are you tryin’ to get crazy with essé? Don’t you know I’m Loco?”

Cypress Hill’s iconic hit “Insane in the Brain” brought the crowd to their feet as a chubby man in a shirt, tie, waistcoat, and lucha mask strolled down the aisle, microphone in one hand and a briefcase in the other. His name was El Gringo Loco, the main host over the last four and a half years of the EFG show, and some say that he actually believed himself to have grown up in Guadalajara despite the obvious fact that he wasn’t Mexican at all.

He was greeted with chants of “EGL! EGL! EGL!” and he carefully avoided any of the hands reaching out for him. Eventually he reached the ring, climbed the steps, and stepped through the ropes. He took up a spot right in the center and looked out to the crowd.


Pretty good pop from the crowd. His tagline was simple but popular, and the fact that BATTLEMANIA was about to start on top of it got the crowd excited.

EGL: “I’m your host, El Gringo Loco, the Manager de Campeones. I put Buzz Aldrin and Neil Armstrong on the moon, and coined the phrase ‘being pushed to the moon!’

“I want to thank you all for coming to watch the biggest event of the year, EFG’s VERY FIRST supercard event! We want to thank our sponsors for tonight,,, and our MYSTERIOUS and SEXY benefactor who has put up so much prize money to go to the winner!

“It was four years ago in August of 2010 that we held our pilot episode, and since then EFG has grown into Guerilla Wrestling & Broadcasting, Inc. allowing us to bring YOU our first ever event, BAAAATTLEMAAAAAANIA! Tonight, you will witness the thirty best wrestlers in the sport today, with thirty of the biggest sets of cojones that put Ron Jeremy to shame, fighting in one match… One battle royal with ONE SURVIVOR! And some of those huge sets cojones belong to women! We welcome everyone who wants to step into this ring here in the jungle and compete. We welcome anyone who wants to come in here and risk being thrown over that top rope down to the floor below!

“Tonight, our thirty combatants will fight mercilessly and tirelessly for the glory of becoming the first Campeone de BATTLEMANIA, and the contents of THIS briefcase!”

El Gringo Loco held up the briefcase for the world to see, soliciting a chorus of cheers from the crowd.

EGL: “But that’s enough introduction. I don’t know about all of you, Muchachos, but I want to see some ACTION!”

The crowd sounded their agreement and Loco left the ring to take his spot at the broadcast table. The cameras panned the crowd and spotted a man sitting in the fourth row, wearing a business suit.

EGL: “That’s Wayne Everett, the owner of ANZAC Pro Wrestling in New Zealand. He’s a very nice man and bought me this giant wet burrito to mention his promotion! I hear it’s beautiful in New Zealand this time of year. I also hear that he’s here scouting new talent, Australia’s own ‘Cyclone’ Jordan King at the top of his list! He’s always looking to bring in the most exciting new talents to APW. Thanks for the burrito, Señor Everett!

“Now that I’ve effectively paid for my burrito, I can’t wait to see who comes out first. This match will start with two people and another one will join in every three minutes. I want to see how my bets pay off. The suspense is killing me!”

“Turn the Tables” by Saliva blasted into the arena and Emevlias Stastias made her way to the ring. The young Tommy Gordon, filling ring announcer duties, introduced her.

T. Gordon: “Introducing the VERY FIRST BATTLEMANIA participant, EVER… Hailing from Joliet, Illinois, and weighing in at 126 pounds, she represents Red Line Wrestling and is the master of the Bombdrop… EMEVLIAS… STAAAASTIAS!”

Stastias sneered at the fans as she entered the ring.

EGL: “And here you have it, the first ever entrant to BATTLEMANIA is Emevlias Stastias! What a dangerous woman to have to get into the ring with. Who is number two?”

The roof was nearly booed off of the Jungle when “The Best Around” by Joe Esposito hit.

T. Gordon: “And the second participant in BATTLEMANIA… From Chicago, Illinois, and weighing in at 245 pounds, he represents High Octane Wrestling and is the master of the Jesus Complex… MICHAEL… LEE.. BEST!”

Boos upon boos as Mike Best raises his hand threatening to hit small children, little old ladies, puppies, and anything under the sun as he strolls arrogantly to the ring. El Gringo Loco can barely be heard over the boos from the crowd.

EGL: “Mike Best has been a walking radiator in the weeks leading up to BATTLEMANIA. He’s been talking trash with anyone and everyone he can find and has drawn a lot of heat to himself. He’s an eight time High Octane Wrestling Champion, a former DREAM Women’s Champion, and from what I can tell by his comments towards my former co-host Chris Hopper, a pretty stand-up guy!”

Mike Best was in no hurry to get into the ring, slowly pacing around the outside. The referee urged him to climb inside, but Mike Best took the time to jaw with some fans instead. Eventually, the referee’s warnings had convinced Best to poke his torso under the bottom rope, but only for a second before sliding right back out, much to the fans’ dismay.

EGL: “To the untrained eye, this may not look like much. But I can tell you from the standpoint of someone who knows about battle royals, having once won the King of the Chicken Pen in Guadalajara, that this is brilliant strategy. You have to pace yourself in these things. Mike Best has drawn the second entry and he’s got a long way to go if he wants to win this.

“Of course, this works to the benefit of Emevlias Stastias, too. She can get in a little siesta here!”

Emevlias Stastias stepped out to the apron and caught Mike Best as he turned around with a running knee. Stastias peeled Mike Best off the floor mats and rolled him into the ring.

EGL: “Well Emevlias Stastias did say Mike Best would be one of her main focuses in BATTLEMANIA. I guess she wants to try to get him out as early as possible.”

She quickly rolled back into the ring after him and ran him to the opposite side of the ring, where she used his momentum to toss him over the top rope!

EGL: “Wow! Talk about a narrow scrape. Mike Best was lucky to land on the ring apron.”

Stastias stomped away at him, trying to knock him off of the apron, but Mike Best held onto the bottom rope for dear life!

The crowd began to count down.






“Bring the Noise” by Public Enemy & Anthrax brought the fans to their feet! They gave a pop to the next entrant in BATTLEMANIA.

T. Gordon: “Entering at number three, from Minneapolis, Minnesota… representing New Edge Wrestling, Austen Impact!”

Austen Impact came running to the ring and joined Emevlias Stastias straight away at trying to kick Mike Best off of the apron and out of the match!

EGL: “The fans are loving Austen Impact’s arrival here.”


EGL: “OOOH! What an enzuigiri out of nowhere to Austen Impact! Emevlias Stastias calls that ‘LISTEN!’ and I’m not sure Austen can hear anything right now.”

The enzuigiri gave Mike Best a chance to roll back into the ring under the bottom rope. Stastias waited for Austen Impact to stand up before she tackled him and let the punches rain down onto his face!

EGL: “Whether she knows it or not, she’s just given Mike Best some relief and a chance to catch a breather.”

The fans begin another countdown.






“Dance with the Devil” by Breaking Benjamin kicked in and out came Al Envy!

T. Gordon: “The fourth entrant, representing New Edge Wrestling… From Fort Worth, Texas.. AL ENVY!”

Envy sprinted to the ring and went straight for Mike Best.

EGL: “I wouldn’t want to be in Mike Best’s shoes. He has twenty nine enemies and cero friends in BATTLEMANIA!”

Al fed Mike Best a couple of stiff forearms and then unleashed a few muay thai kicks. As soon as Mike Best was down, Envy turned his attention to Emevlias Stastias, helping out his stablemate from NEW, Austen Impact.

EGL: “Envy helping out his friend Austen now. That friendship has to give them an advantage in the early goings here, but who knows how long it can last in a match like this?”

Envy grabbed Stastias by the head and spiked her into the canvas with a DDT.

EGL: “And she just got planted with that DDT! But out from nowhere, Mike Best with a lariat that nearly decapitated Al Envy! He got the full weight of his body behind that one.”

Austen Impact came up from behind Mike Best and clamped on a hammerlock.

EGL: “Austen Impact with shades of Pat Gordon, Junior there, using that hammerlock! I wonder if Madman Szalinski is doing a shot right now?”

Impact spinned Mike Best around into a fisherman’s gutbuster. Al Envy dragged Stastias to the ropes to try to shove her over the top, but she did her best not to go over. Al called Austen over to help him. The crowd began another countdown.






The crowd came alive to the sound of “Rise” by Skillet.

T. Gordon: “Entering at number five, from Los Angeles, California… She is representing VOW… Reya Serra!”

Reya Serra bolted down the aisle and joined the fray!

EGL: “¡HOLA! Reya Serra goes straight for Mike Best, tearing into his chest with those knife-edge chops. Everyone wants a piece of Mike Best, and I guess she’s no different.”

Reya Serra threw a roundhouse kick, but Mike Best ducked under and hit her with a German suplex. Elsewhere, Austen Impact and Al Envy were still trying to get Emevlias Stastias over the top rope, but she had wedged herself between the ropes in the corner.

EGL: “Mike Best folded her over like an accordion, and that’s why he’s my top pick to win BATTLEMANIA tonight!”

Mike Best turned his attention to Austen Impact, hitting him in the back with a forearm. This allowed Emevlias Stastias to back up Al Envy with a kick to the head. Best whipped Austen Impact into the ropes and planted him with a spinning spinebuster! Elsewhere, Reya Serra had taken Emevlias Stastias to a corner to use her as a punching bag.

EGL: “¡O Dio Mio! What a spinebuster from ‘The Icon’ Mike Best. Austen’s body sure made an Impact on the mat!”

Al Envy turned his attention to Mike Best, with the intent on helping his friend, Austen Impact. Envy nailed “The Icon” in the temple with a punch. Then he fired off another, and another, until Best was getting wobbly. Al grabbed him by the wrist and whipped him across the ring, but Mike Best hooked his arms on the top rope to put on the breaks. Envy charged in, but Best lowered his shoulder and sent him to the apron with a backdrop!

Crowd: “5…”





T. Gordon: “Entering at number six, representing CWR, the ‘Distorted Angel’ Amber Ryan!”

Amber Ryan made her way to the ring and climbed up the steps. She ducked in through the ropes. Meanwhile, Austen Impact charged Mike Best with a clothesline, but Mike ducked and Austen ran right into Al Envy, knocking him from the apron to the floor.

EGL: “We have our very first elimination, and Austen Impact can’t believe it. He’s beyond belief! Mike Best suckered him in and he eliminated his own friend, Al Envy, from BATTLEMANIA! There goes his support system!”

Austen Impact was in shock that he had just inadvertently eliminated his friend, giving Mike Best ample opportunity to grab him by the tights and send him over the top rope, as well!

T. Gordon: “Al Envy has been eliminated! Austen Impact has been eliminated!”

Amber Ryan caught Mike Best with a punch, and then another punch. She followed those up with two kicks to the thigh, a knee to each kidney, and went to cap it off with a spinning back elbow, but Best stepped away from it. In turn, he poked her in the eye and folded her over and whipped her into the ropes. Whatever Best was going for, Amber Ryan countered it with a tilt-a-whirl headscissors, taking him face-first to the mat.

Elsewhere, Emevlias Stastias had turned the tides in the corner and was feeding Reya Serra full of punches as the crowd counted along.

“THREE!” punches.

“FOUR!” punches.

“FIVE!” punches and seconds until the next entrant.

“FOUR!”seconds until the next entrant.

Ambery Ryan had tied Mike Best up into an Indian deathlock and gave him a curbstomp!

EGL: “On the next episode of our show, I’m going to give some advice on how to make friends. I hope Mike Best listens! He could use a couple in this BATTLEMANIA match!”

“SIX!” punches.

“THREE!” seconds until the next entrant.

“SEVEN!” punches.

Amber Ryan ran him into the ropes and threw him over, but he held onto the top rope and just narrowly avoided the floor! She had already turned her attention away from him.

“TWO!” seconds until the next entrant.

“ONE!” seconds until the next entrant.

“EIGHT!” punches.

“Can’t Tell Me Nothing” by Kanye West.
T. Gordon: “Entering at number seven, from Boardwalk Wrestling, ‘The Marvel’ Matt Meyhu!”

Matt Meyhu came to the ring and snuck up behind Emevlias Stastias as she was winding up for the big tenth punch. He shoved her right over the top rope and to the floor.

T. Gordon: “Emevlias Stastias has been eliminated!”

EGL: “Matt Meyhu is impressive, seizing that opportunity to eliminate Emevlias Stastias right after he came in. Our very first entrant into BATTLEMANIA is gone now, all thanks to him. It’s no wonder he’s the golden boy of the Meyhu family!”

He grabbed Reya Serra, who was still slouched against the turnbuckles, and drove her face-first into the mat with a FlatLiner. He then pulled her up into a standing headscissors and motioned his thumb across his throat!

Mike Best took an opportunity to sneak up behind Amber Ryan and raked her face when she turned around. He took her to the ropes to try to throw her over, but she put her hand on the middle rope and tried to fight it.

EGL: “I think he’s looking to give Reya Serra an EgoTrip! He has her up… ¡WOW! He sent her over the top rope with his patented move, all the way to the floor! And she landed face-first. I’m sure she’ll send Meyhu the bill for her dentist in the morning!”

Reya Serra had been eliminated at the hands of Matt Meyhu’s dominator finisher, the EgoTrip.

Having successfully tossed two people from the ring, Meyhu turned his attention toward Mike Best, who was growing frustrated trying to get a very feisty Distorted Angel over the top rope. She just wouldn’t go. Meyhu pulled Best away from Amber Ryan and Mike was furious, telling Meyhu that he was a “moron” for interrupting him because it would have helped both of their chances to have another person eliminated. It quickly broke down into them trading punches.

EGL: “Mike Best is ENRAGED by Meyhu stopping him from eliminating Amber Ryan, and why wouldn’t he be? Another person out is Best for both of them! But they’re trading punches now. One from Mike Best. One from Meyhu! Best! Meyhu! And Mike Best with a poke to the eyes! That’s a classic technical wrestling hold right there and a very good tactic here. It’s going to make things difficult on Matt Meyhu if he can’t see what’s going on or where he is in the ring!”

Meyhu stumbled away and took a knee. Meanwhile, Amber Ryan ran at Mike Best with her arm stuck out for a clothesline. Mike ducked under and took her over with a crucifix driver.

EGL: “The Jesús (EGL pronounced it the spanish way, hey seuss) Complex! Amber Ryan looks like she’s out. She could be the next elimination!”

Another countdown from the crowd as participant eight would soon be out.






“Monster” by Skillet fills the Jungle and the crowd boos the arrival of “The Masked German Monster” Lord Raab.

T. Gordon: “Entering at number eight, from Cologne, Germany… Representing WEW, SCW, and 4CW… LORD RAAB!”

EGL: “Here comes Lord Raab, representing a plethora of places. I taught that word to El Guapo on his 40th birthday when I told him he had a plethora of birthday presents! Speaking of presents, it looks like Lord Raab brought a present for his competition.”

Lord Raab brought a metal trash can to the ring with him. The first person he clobbered was Mike Best. Second was Matt Meyhu, who was just getting back to his feet after the eye poke. Amber Ryan finally started to move after taking the Jesus Complex crucifix driver, and Raab saw her, too. He stalked her, trash can ready for use.

EGL: “The ring looks like a train wreck at the hands of Lord Raab and his garbage can. And now he’s got Amber Ryan in his sites!”

Amber Ryan stood up and collapsed right back to the mat in a heap when Raab blasted her in the head with his trash can, which was getting a sizeable dent in it.

EGL: “That shot with the garbage can is still echoing out here! Raab doesn’t have much to do but look at his carnage right now. He can practically pick anyone to toss out at this point!”

Lord Raab’s pick was Matt Meyhu, and the Masked German Monster dragged him to the corner to try to shove him over the top. Meyhu stretched out his body and held onto the ropes for dear life. Raab kept trying to force him out.

EGL: “‘The Marvel’ Matt Meyhu looks like he may be in trouble here. There’s not much keeping him from going over the top rope at this point, but still he refuses to give up!”






“Nightfall” by Xandria hailed the arrival of “The Ripper” Danny B.

T. Gordon: “Entering at number nine, from Brighton England, representing CWR and OCW… “THE RIPPER” DANNY B!

Danny B rushed toward the ring, sliding under the bottom rope, and resting on her knees before him was his former partner, Amber Ryan. Danny looked at the canvas and directly to his left he saw the trashcan that Lord Raab had brought into the ring. Danny B looked down at the trashcan, looked back at Amber Ryan, then grabbed the trashcan off of the canvas. He lifted it up into the air and looked out at the crowd, who all shouted not to do it, but Danny B brought the trashcan up and down crashing on top of her head anyway.


EGL: “I’m loving every minute of this action! There’s no love lost between Danny B and Amber Ryan. Ever since they split up their tag team, these two have hated one another!”

Amber Ryan crumpled back into a mass on the canvas as Danny B then turned his attention to Lord Raab who was still trying to get Matt Meyhu out of the ring. Lord Raab had managed to get Meyhu over the top rope and onto the apron. Meyhu slowly made his way back to his feet on the apron and Raab began driving punches down onto his head. Meyhu clung onto the top rope with one hand as he swayed back and forth on the apron.

EGL: “Matt Meyhu is in serious trouble here, taking one punch after another from Lord Raab, and he looks like he’s about to go!”

Right when it looked like Raab could have finally got the upperhand on Meyhu, Danny B walked up behind and brought a clubbing blow down across Raab’s back, which was most likely a huge mistake as the big man turned and just stared at Danny B. Meyhu was able to step back into the ring with Raab’s attention now fully on Danny B. Mike Best was taking a rest away from the action in a corner.

Lord Raab grabbed hold of Danny B with both hands tightly clenched around his throat and tossed him across the ring, right next to Amber Ryan.

Danny B and Amber Ryan both started to stir at the same time, and saw one another when they were both on their knees.

EGL: “Danny B and Amber Ryan have realized they’re right next to each other, and now they’re having their very own slugfest in the middle of BATTLEMANIA! Things couldn’t be more heated between these two!”

Danny B and Amber Ryan traded punches. One from Amber Ryan! One from Danny B! Amber Ryan! Danny B! Both of them were trying to battle his or her way to their feet as they did so. Amber Ryan cut into Danny B’s chest with a chop. And then another! She was back on her feet and Danny B still wasn’t quite on his. Amber Ryan scissored his arm and planted him to the mat with a DDT!






“Till I Collapse” by Eminem cued up.

T. Gordon: “Entering at number ten, from Houston, Texas… Representing HOW… SCOTT STEVENS!”

EGL: “I’d say I wonder if Stevens and Best could work together, both being from High Octane Wrestling, but after what these two had to say about one another I don’t think that’s an option!”

Scott Stevens made his entrance, climbing into the ring. He went straight for Mike Best, who had been resting in the corner. He punched Mike Best a few times, but then Best gave him a low blow!

EGL: “What a brilliant move by Mike Best! Scott Stevens will be able to fill in for Justin Bieber after having his cojones punched into his throat.”

Amber Ryan had mounted Danny B and was feeding him full of punches. Lord Raab was back at it trying to force Matt Meyhu over the top rope. Mike Best planted Scott Stevens to the mat with the Hall of Fameasser!

EGL: “Goodnight Irene! Mike Best just nailed Scott Stevens with the Hall of Fameasser, and he looks like he’s out like the lights at my house in Guadalajara. Now he follows it up with the Best in Show standing moonsault!

“And Lord Raab has gone back to trying to eliminate Matt Meyhu, but he still can’t get him over the top.”

Mike Best made his way back to his feet, grabbed hold of Scott Stevens and pulled him to his feet as well. Best shoved Stevens into the corner and began fighting with him trying to get him up and out of the ring in the corner.






“Die, Die My Darling” by Metallica blasted through the Jungle.

T. Gordon: “Entering at number eleven, from Parts Unknown… Representing Boardwalk Wrestling… ‘THE MESSIAH PARIAH’ ATAXIA!!!”

Ataxia ran to the ring and headed straight for Lord Raab. Ataxia grabbed him from behind and bundled him over the top rope while he was trying to eliminate Matt Meyhu!

T. Gordon: “Lord Raab has been eliminated!”

EGL: “I don’t know if these two from Boardwalk Wrestling had forged an alliance before this event or not, but Ataxia sure saved Meyhu by eliminating Lord Raab!”

It wasn’t long before Ataxia and Meyhu started to go at it, exchanging punches. Elsewhere in the ring, Amber Ryan hit Danny B with a double stomp. She then pointed to the top rope and climbed up.

EGL: “This is a dangerous, dangerous move in a match like this! Anyone could easily come up from behind her and just shove her over the top rope!”

Mike Best, left Stevens in the corner as he saw out the corner of his eye what she was doing and raced over to try to make EGL into the Nostradamus of wrestling, but Ryan had already let fly before he could get there. She flipped from the top rope with a moonsault, but her stomach took the damage instead when Danny B got his knees up! Best then turned his attention back to Stevens who had left the corner, and was now promptly pushed against the ropes as Best continued to try and get him out.

EGL: “Well she may not have been eliminated but she still paid the price. Danny B gets the knees up and she’s undoubtedly going to have trouble digesting food for the next three weeks.”

Danny B went back to grab the trash can, but it had been crumpled up beyond use, so he just chucked it from the ring instead. So Danny B waited for Amber Ryan to get up, measuring her. Once she was on her feet, he nearly cut her in half with a spear!






“My Songs Know What You Did in the Dark” by Fallout Boy gets a pop from the fans.

T. Gordon: “Entering at number twelve, from Paradise, Michigan… Representing both HKW and GPW… M...J… BELL!!!”

MJ Bell sprints to the ring, blowing a kiss to a Japanese man in the crowd as she passes by.

EGL: “There’s another log thrown onto the fire here. MJ Bell has rivalries with both Amber Ryan AND Danny B! Wait, was that her boyfriend, Kenshin Takemura, in the crowd?”

MJ slid into the ring under the bottom rope and the first target in sight was the downed Amber Ryan. Bell climbed on top of Ryan and began delivering stiff forearm shots to her face, lifting her head up off of the canvas before delivering each blow and then letting her head fall back to the mat hard. Ataxia and Matt Meyhu were still going at it near a corner, when Ataxia finally got the upperhand by catching Meyhu with an uppercut that launched Meyhu back against the turnbuckle.

On the opposite side of the ring, the battle between Mike Best and Scott Stevens continued; or the battle of Mike Best trying to get Stevens out of the match that is. The two men had been locked in a struggle for a while now, Stevens struggled to stay in the match while Best struggled to get his cohort of HOW out of the match. Best was finally able to get Stevens off of the ropes, as he lifted him up and over the top rope. Stevens landed on the apron, but the fight had taken a lot of the wind out of Stevens, he tried to get his composure back, but Best backed up along the ropes and then ran, catching Stevens with a huge clothesline that turned him inside out onto the apron and caused him to fall to the outside of the ring.

T. Gordon: “Scott Stevens has been eliminated!”

Danny B was ready to make his way over to pull MJ Bell off of Amber Ryan when he was cut off by a charging Mike Best that leveled him with a running boot to the side of the head. This was enough to have MJ Bell take her eyes off of Amber Ryan long enough for Ryan to flip the switch as she twisted Bell over into the center of the ring and Ryan was able to take the mount. Ryan then began delivering fists of her own down on top of Bell until she became too winded and fell off top of Bell.

Having Matt Meyhu secured in the corner, Ataxia took a few steps back into the ring making sure not to step on top of any of the other competitors laying flat on their back. Ataxia then charged toward Meyhu, but Meyhu was able to duck under the body splash attempt from Ataxia. Ataxia hit the turnbuckle hard, but quickly turned in place only to be caught by Meyhu with a big boot that sent Ataxia over the top rope and out onto the apron.






“Real Solution Number 9” by White Zombie hit and got a small pop from the crowd, but mostly boos.

T. Gordon: “Entering at number thirteen, from Prince Edward Island, Canada… Representing VOW… CASANOVA ENGLISH!”

EGL: “Casanova English is entering at number thirteen. A lot of people consider that a lucky number, but even more think it’s one to be avoided! Will it be lucky or unlucky for him?”

Casanova English strolled down the aisle and slid into the ring under the bottom rope.

EGL: “Casanova here is well acquainted with both Reya Serra and Stacy Jones, wrestling with both of them in VOW. Reya Serra is gone but Stacy Jones is still to come! I wonder if they’ll get a chance to mix it up tonight.”

Casanova English went for Mike Best, firing off a couple of punches and then putting him into an armbar. From there, he transitioned into a Russian legsweep. Casanova then locked Mike Best into a guillotine choke.

EGL: “Casanova English has that Guillotine Choke locked onto Mike Best! He could put him to sleep, or even make him tap out, but either way Mike Best wouldn’t be eliminated. The only way to get someone out is over the top rope!”

Feeling that Mike Best was fully out of the way Casanova released the hold, made his way to his feet, kicked at the downed Best who wasn’t moving in the least and then made his way over to the corner where Matt Meyhu was still trying to get Ataxia out of the ring. As Casanova approached though Ataxia caught Meyhu with a backhand that sent him stepping back toward the center of the ring, where Casanova caught him with a drop toe hold that sent Meyhu down to the mat face first, but instead of planting with the ring he connected with the downed Mike Best hitting a headbutt on the way down. Ataxia then entered back into the ring through the ropes.

Meanwhile, Amber Ryan and MJ Bell had moved their fight to one of the other corners. Danny B saw this and came charging in with a body splash. MJ Bell had moved just in the nick of time and Danny B sandwiched Amber Ryan into the corner.

EGL: “I think Danny B was looking to take out two birds with one stone there as he went for his former tag team partner Amber Ryan, and MJ Bell, the woman he never got to beat for the OCW World Title. Bell was just barely able to STAY OUTTA HARMS’ WAY though!”






The Mjolnir Mix of the Halo 2 Theme got the fans excited.

T. Gordon: “Entering at number fourteen, from Buffalo, Wyoming… Representing DEFIANCE… EUGENE DEWEY!!”

MJ Bell took down Danny B from behind with a lungblower. Danny B rolled around, holding his back in pain.

EGL: “MJ Bell calls that move the Backdraft and it certainly seems to have taken the wind out of his sails! Eugene Dewey is the next person in. He’s an interesting person. He loves the fans and his video games!”

Eugene Dewey entered the ring under the bottom rope and the first person he ran into was MJ Bell right after she had hit Danny B with her signature move. Dewey being a more good natured human being took a step back as to not get into a confrontation with a woman, but Bell swung for his head. Dewey was easily able to avoid the move, but when she swung for his head once more the good nature was beginning to wear off. Dewey shoved Bell off, only for her to come charging toward him, he sidestepped any move that she was planning and as soon as Bell turned around she was hit hard with a running shoulder tackle from Dewey.

EGL: “I’ve got to say it’s pretty obvious that Dewey was trying to avoid any kind of confrontation with Bell, but when push came to shove she just got leveled with one of Dewey’s signature moves that he likes to call The Biotic Charge!”

Dewey wasn’t getting to rest though as a now fully charged Ataxia came head to head with him and the two men began trading blows and ending up in a corner. Probably wasn’t the best idea of Ataxia to end up in this position again considering he had just been able to make his way back into the ring. Amber Ryan had finally made her way back to her feet, and seeing MJ Bell on the mats made her especially happy.

Ryan made her way over to the downed Bell and lifted her back to a standing base. Whatever Ryan had in mind, however, came to a screeching halt when the two women were caught from the side by a massive double clothesline from a back to his senses Mike Best that drew a huge jeer from the crowd on hand. Best just struck a smirk and shrugged.

EGL: “I’m not going to lie if there was anyone in this match that I thought would take a cheap shot on women it definitely would have been Best, and I’m not going to lie I’m kind of happy it finally happened! Go Best!”






“Mach 13 Elephant Explosion” by Masafumi Takada brought nothing, but jeers from the fans.

T. Gordon: “Entering at number fifteen, from Mito, Ibaraki Prefecture, Japan… Representing DEFIANCE… “THE GOD-BEAST” MUSHIGIHARA!”

The huge Asian took his time making his way to the ring.

EGL: “Look at Mushigihara; he’s a BEHEMOTH! It’s going to take a lot to eliminate him, I can tell you that right now. He might be my new number one pick to win!”

Danny B had slowly been able to make his way back to his feet, and see the downed women he gingerly picked Amber Ryan up and pushed her back into a corner. He began slowly lifting Ryan up into a seated position on the top rope and then began climbing up along with her. Danny flipped Ryan’s legs over the top ropes and to the outside so that he could come to a full standing base on the second rope, then he began slowly making his way up to the very top where the two began struggling for dominance.

EGL: “I don’t know why in the world he would be risking so much right now in this type of match, but if I’m not mistaken it looks like Danny B is trying to set Amber Ryan up for his top rope double arm DDT known as Ravenheart! Don’t do it Danny it’s not worth it!”

Mushigihara had finally made his way down to the ring and entered via the ring steps. Once inside of the ring, the first thing that stood out to him was current DEFIANCE competitor Eugene Dewey and Mushigihara made a b-line across the ring to where Dewey and Ataxia were battling catching both men in the corner with a huge body splash.

EGL: “I’m pretty sure Mushi wasted half of the time between entrants to even make his way into the ring as we’re down to about a minute before the next entrant now, but I’ll be damned if he didn’t make an impact when he got inside of that ring! Eugene Dewey and Ataxia are now being served up on a plate for Mushi with syrup! In case you didn’t get that joke, he made them into PANCAKES!”

After making quick work of Dewey and Ataxia, Mushigihara turned back to the center of the ring and looking right back up at him was Mike Best. Best wasn’t about to run from a fight either, instead he brought his boot down and stomped on Mushigihara’s toes, then brought his boot up into his knee causing the big man to drop to one knee, Best then wrapped his arm around Mushigihara’s neck and planted him in the ring with a DDT. Best then quickly made his way back to his feet where he raised his hands in the air in victory, only to be caught in the side of the head by a dropkick by MJ Bell.






“Acid Rain - Liquid Tension Experiment” blasted only drawing more negative reaction from the fans.

T. Gordon: “Entering at number sixteen, from Halifax, Nova Scotia, Canada… ‘THE INCREDIBLE’ IAN BISHOP!”

EGL: “And here comes Ian Bishop! Things are really about to heat up, now, because I know for a fact that MJ Bell can’t STAND him after what she described as an abusive relationship. It was pretty insane, to say the least. I’ve seen less drama watching ABC’s Revenge, Sundays at 10PM Eastern!”

Ian Bishop quickly made his way down to the ring, slid in under the bottom rope, and the first thing that caught his attention was the power struggle on the top rope between Danny B and Amber Ryan. Both had now found their way to a standing base on the top rope, and Ian casually walked up behind Danny B who was within the closest reach. Ian reached up and shoved the back of Danny B’s trunks causing him to lose his balance and go flying outside of the ring.

T. Gordon: “Danny B has been eliminated!”

EGL: “Those two have been fighting up there for at least the last five minutes and it was that simple! A push could have eliminated Danny B, but everyone else was so caught up in what they were doing that it didn’t cross anyone’s mind besides the new guy with the fresh perspective!”

Ian wasn’t finished though, as Amber Ryan had fallen to a seated position on the top rope he made his way up to the second rope and looked to begin struggling with her in the same fashion as Danny B had done. Across the ring MJ Bell had pulled Mike Best up into a seated position in the corner as she made her way across the ring and came running back through looking to hit Best with a basement dropkick, but as soon as she reached the center of the ring Mushigihara had made his way back to his feet, snapped her up, and planted her in the center of the ring with a swinging side slam.

Ataxia and Eugene Dewey had made their way back to their knees from the attack of Mushigihara and were trading blows until Matt Meyhu came out of nowhere, grabbed both men by the neck and planted them both back down to the canvas with a double DDT. Ian Bishop continued to struggle with Amber Ryan until a look of ‘fuck this’ crossed his face, Ian grabbed her by the hair, slammed her head down into the top turnbuckle as he dropped back down to the canvas, and he pushed her off the top rope causing her to tumble down to the floor outside.

T. Gordon: “Amber Ryan has been eliminated!”

MJ Bell had climbed up the other side of the ropes and was chopping into Ian Bishop’s chest. She was able to hit him with a kick that dropped him off of the turnbuckles, but on his feet. She motioned to the crowd and jumped off the top rope, taking him down with a flipping neckbreaker!

EGL: “What a Blockbuster by MJ Bell and she has Ian Bishop right where she wants him, now! Like I said earlier, she really hates him and wants to get some payback for the torture he put her through when they were dating.”






“Bullet with a Name” by NonPoint played and out came the 6’5, 278 pound Mark Kingston.
T. Gordon: “Entering at number seventeen, from Richmond, Virginia… Representing NAPW and the defunct REBEL Pro… MARK KINGSTON!”

EGL: “The ring is looking a little crowded with nine people in it, especially with someone Mark Kingston’s size! He has an impressive frame. He’s clearly the biggest competitor in the ring right now and he’s my pick to win BATTLEMANIA tonight! I like to hedge my bets, so I have money on a lot of people.”

MJ Bell went running, looking to score with her Burning Mage shining wizard on her most hated foe, Ian Bishop. The crowd was anticipating it, but what she got instead was a big boot from Mark Kingston. Kingston turned his attention toward Mike Best, looking for the big boot, but Best grabbed the closest person to him, Casanova English, and threw him in the way of it instead.

EGL: “Smart move by Mike Best. Sometimes you have to break a few eggs to make an omelet, and Mike Best has been in there a long time, being the second person to enter. I don’t think he’s trying to take one of Kingston’s size sixteen boots at this point!”

Matt Meyhu charged Kingston, but Kingston scooped him up and tossed him over his shoulder with a fallaway slam that knocked all of the other competitors down like bowling pins in the process! Kingston peeled Meyhu off the mat and hoisted him up over his shoulder, carrying him to the ropes to try to throw him over the top. Meyhu grabbed onto the top rope with both arms, trying to fight it.

EGL: “Matt Meyhu looks like he could be in trouble here! The ginormous Mark Kingston is looking to throw him out of the ring!”






“Turn Down” by Rittz.

T. Gordon: “Entering at number 18, from the Carnival Grounds by way of Greensboro, North Carolina… Representing himself… J… B… RONIE!”

EGL: “YES! J.B. RONIE! He’s one of my favorite wrestlers and he’s no stranger to #HardcoreForking! I know he’s going to do great tonight at BATTLEMANIA!”

J.B. Ronie got in the ring and immediately peeled Casanova English off the mat by a handful of hair. He got a running start, flinging Casanova over the top rope and to the floor! Mike Best hit Mark Kingston with a low blow, which in turn freed Matt Meyhu. He winked, and followed it up with a snap DDT. Best told Meyhu that he was now beholden to him and should do whatever Best says for the rest of the match. Meyhu waved him off.

T. Gordon: “Casanova English has been eliminated!”

J.B. Ronie then went for Eugene Dewey. He hoisted Best onto his shoulders in a fireman’s carry and took him down with a neckbreaker. Then he brought Dewey into a standing headscissor and crossed his arms into a straight jacket, lifted him up and drove him down in a seated straight jacket powerbomb!

EGL: “ROTTENBOMB! ROTTENBOMB! OH THE HUMANITY! Eugene Dewey is going to need an extra life after that!”

Elsewhere, Ataxia was trying to eliminate Mke Best. He had Best about halfway over the top rope, but was struggling to get the job done. Best screamed and shouted for Matt Meyhu to help him, emphasizing the point that he’s beholden… BEHOLDEN!

EGL: “Mike Best has been in there since number two and he’s had a lot of close calls, and I mean a LOT! But nobody seems to be able to get the job done! I don’t think Ataxia is going to be able to get him out!”

J.B. Ronie saw Ataxia trying to eliminate Mike Best and walked over. He put his hands on the bottoms of Mike’s boots and helped bail him over!

T. Gordon: “Mike Best has been eliminated!”

EGL: “I can’t believe it! I’m in complete shock! I’m speechless! I can’t even talk! Mike Best has been in there longer than anyone else so far. He’s come in at number two and lasted so long, but now he’s been eliminated! And I had more money riding on him than anyone else! I can’t afford to lose another pinky. I’ve already lost three!”






“I Will Not Break” by A Sound of Thunder whipped the crowd into a frenzy.

T. Gordon: “Entering at number nineteen, from New York, New York… Representing VOW… STACY JONES!”

J.B. Ronie,
Jones rushed toward the ring crawling in under the bottom rope and the first person in her sights was one of the two who had just eliminated Mike Best, Matt Meyhu. Jones darted across the first instinct that crossed Meyhu’s mind at this point was punt to the cunt. The move caused Jones a little bit of damage, but it wasn’t as much damage as if there had been dangly parts there to absorb the blow.

EGL: “I’m still in shock at the fact that Mike Best has been eliminated, but I think the fact that Matt Meyhu just tried to kick Stacy Jones in the balls is making up for that! Just goes to show you’re not thinking with your full train of thought in these kind of matches!”

Once fully recovered she took a step back and brought a superkick up square into jaw of Meyhu for a little bit of retaliation on behalf of the cunt kick. Meyhu staggered backward into the ropes and Stacy latched onto a leg and tried to hoist the bigger opponent up and over the ropes, but that wasn’t going to sit well as the man who had helped Meyhu eliminate Best, Ataxia, caught her in the back with a clubbing axe handle blow breaking up the elimination attempt.

On the opposite side of the ring Mushigihara and Mark Kingston had locked eyes on each other being the two biggest men in the ring and instead of using their size advantage against the other members of the match were slugging it out in a blow for blow fist fight.

EGL: “HERE WE GO! It’s the battle of the bulge! A fist from Mushigihara! One from Kingston! Another from Mushigihara! And another from Kingston! A chop from Mushigihara! A chop from Kingston! Another chop from Mushigihara! And Kingston folds him over with a knee to the gut! It looks like Kingston is going for a double underhook powerbomb now. There’s no way he can get the 317 pound God-Beast up though, is there?”






“Charisma” by WASP. Boos from the crowd.

T. Gordon: “Entering at number 20, from Stuart, Florida… Representing LoC… DERECHO!”

Derecho came running out and slid into the ring, quickly rallying up some troops to break up Mark Kingston’s attempt at a double underhook powerbomb and usher him toward the ropes. Ian Bishop, Ataxia, and Matt Meyhu all joined in, trying to shove Kingston over the top rope. On the other side of the ring, J.B. Ronie, Eugene Dewey, Stacy Jones, and MJ Bell had conglomerated around Mushigihara.

EGL: “Unfortunately, much like how many licks it takes to get to the Tootsie Roll center of Tootsie Pop, the world may never know if Kingston can lift Mushi for a double underhook powerbomb! But now two groups have formed to try to get both of the big men out!”

Each group struggled to throw its target over the top rope. This went on for a couple of minutes.






“King of the World” by Porcelain and the Tramps played in the Jungle.

T. Gordon: “Entering at number twenty one, originally from Slaughter Swamp, South Carolina, but currently residing in Los Angeles, California… Representing UGWC… EDEN MORGAN!”

EGL: “Another talented young athlete joins the fray here in BATTLEMANIA and it’ll be interesting to see what she decides to do with those two groups that have formed trying to get the two largest competitors out of the match.”

Morgan joined in the group trying to eliminate Mushigihara, possibly because Mushi had about 40 pounds on Kingston, but more probably because he was the closest target when she entered. MJ Bell left the group and spotted Ian Bishop across the ring in the gathering around Mark Kingston.

MJ Bell yelled to get Ian’s attention, and when he turned around, she caught him with a running Yakuza kick that sent him toppling over the top rope and to the floor!


EGL: “MJ Bell is ECSTATIC after eliminating Ian Bishop from BATTLEMANIA! It looks like that just made her YEAR!”

Mark Kingston was finally able to fight his way out of the group around him with a big knee lift to Derecho, an elbow to the side of Meyhu’s head, and a few punches to Ataxia. Meanwhile, MJ Bell walked over to Stacy Jones and hit her with the Backdraft lungblower from behind. MJ Bell took a few steps back and ran in with a shining wizard.

EGL: “THE BURNING MAGE! MJ Bell just knocked Stacy Jones the F out!”

MJ Bell picked up a limp Stacy Jones and bundled her over the top rope.







The 1% logo flashed on the screen as “No Apologies” by Jussie Smollett signalled the arrival of Aidan Morag.

T. Gordon: “Entering at number twenty two, from the Bronx, New York… Representing both F1X and Boardwalk Wrestling… AIDAN MORAG!”

EGL: “Aidan Morag’s prediction that he and Ian Bishop will be the last two standing has already been proven to be more myth than math. Ian Bishop is already gone and Morag hasn’t even made it to the ring yet! And flipping off the crowd hasn’t won him any fans, but I’m loving his attitude!”

The boos were almost drowning out the sound of El Gringo Loco’s voice.

Mushigihara had gotten loose from his group and he charged at Mark Kingston. Kingston charged right back. They met in the middle of the ring shoulder blocking one another. Neither man budged.

Morag got in the ring and went straight for Matt Meyhu, doubling him over with a kick and then firing off a few punches. The match pretty had pretty much descended into punching, kicking, and shoving.

EGL: “Space is at a premium in the ring right now with ten people in. There’s not a lot of room to move in and this may hamper the efforts of some of the people who like to use their speed to their advantage. OH! Aidan Morgan just force fed Matt Meyhu that turnbuckle!”

Mushigihara and Kingston were just shoving one another in the middle of the ring, trying to get the other to move. The God-Beast eventually started backing Kingston up, little by little. J.B. Ronie found Eugene Dewey lying on the canvas and started to stomp on all of his limbs, ending his stomping by scraping his boot across Dewey’s face.

EGL: “There’s the Ronie Stomp!”

Elsewhere, Derecho had MJ Bell down in a corner, where he repeatedly kneed her in the head. Eden Morgan had Ataxia’s legs tied around the ringpost in a figure-four leglock in yet another corner.

EGL: “Eden Morgan with that figure-four around the ringpost and Ataxia is howling in agony!”






“Man of Constant Sorrow” by Charm City Devils rang out.

T. Gordon: “Entering at number twenty three, from Caballo Estates in Harlan, Kentucky… Representing DEFIANCE… SAMUEL TIBERIUS TURNER… THE SECOND!”

EGL: “Another DEFIANCE competitor enters and Samuel Tiberius Turner the Second looks impressive! There are three DEFIANCE members in the ring right now, by my count.”

Aidan Morag was in the process of giving Matt Meyhu a rope burn when he walked right into a big boot from Samuel Tiberius Turner II. Turner gave Mayhu an extra shove, putting him into the same corner as MJ Bell, who was sitting on the mat with her head against the bottom turnbuckle. Derecho took a walk and STT II charged in with a splash into the corner!

EGL: “Luckily for Bell, she was well underneath the impact. Morag just got flattened in the corner!”

In other action, Mark Kingston was winding up, waiting for Mushigihara to get off the ground. Kingston was loading up for the Richmond Lariat!


EGL: “Kingston just about took the God-Beast’s head clean off his shoulders with the Richmond Lariat! What a clothesline!”

MJ Bell had gotten back to her feet and started to mix it up with Samuel Tiberius Turner II. He gave her a thumb to the eye to take control of the exchange. Eugene Dewey found what was left of Aidan Morag after STT II’s corner splash and started to try and shove him over the top turnbuckle.






“Blue Suede Shoes” by Black Sabbath rocked the Jungle.

T. Gordon: “Entering at number twenty four, from Tupelo, Mississippi… Representing VoW… BLUE SUEDE BRUCE!”

EGL: “Don’t you step on my Blue Suede Bruce! I know Mark Kingston didn’t like it that Blue Suede Bruce had turned his back on his tag team partner. Kingston is still in this. I wonder if Kingston will get to vent his frustrations or will Blue Suede Bruce have his number?”

Blue Suede Bruce made his way around the ring, heading for the ring steps. He had to stop dead in his tracks as Aidan Morag was finally bundled out by Eugene Dewey right in front of him.

T. Gordon: “Aidan Morag has been eliminated!”

EGL: “¡HOLA! Someone needs to put up a sign: ‘Beware of falling bodies!’ Blue Suede Bruce almost had Aidan Morag land on his head there!”

In all of the congestion, Blue Suede Bruce had ended up going toe-to-toe with Matt Meyhu first. Blue Suede Bruce fed him one big right hand after another.

EGL: “Blue Suede Bruce is taking it to Matt Meyhu, and Meyhu has to be getting tired. He’s been in this match for fifty one minutes, and has lasted longer than anyone else so far! I wonder how much longer he can last!”

Blue Suede Bruce put Meyhu in a bearhug.

EGL: “Let Me Be Your Teddy Bear! And he’s wearing Meyhu down!”

Meyhu was starting to fade; he was almost as limp as a wet noodle in Blue Suede Bruce’s arms. Luckily for him, Mark Kingston had managed to make his way over and took Blue Suede Bruce down from behind with a chop block, which he then turned over into a Texas Cloverleaf.

EGL: “THE FUCKED UP LEG SYNDROME! THE FUCKED UP LEG SYNDROME! Mark Kingston just got in behind Blue Suede Bruce, completely blindsiding him with that chop block, and locked in the Fucked Up Leg Syndrome out of nowhere!”






“Thunderkiss ‘65” by White Zombie blasted through the Jungle as a small mosh pit formed in one part of the crowd. Dave Rydell sauntered out from the back, basking in the cheers from the crowd.

T. Gordon: “Entering at number 25, from McLean, Virginia… Representing UGWC… DAVE RYDELL!”

Rydell charged toward the ring, making a quick entrance into the match up onto the apron and through the ropes. Rydell ran toward Mark Kingston who still have Blue Suede Bruce in the submission hold and caught Kingston with a clothesline that forced him to break the hold and in the process leave Bruce for Rydell to pick up the pieces. Rydell yanked Bruce back to his feet hoping the hold would have done enough damage to try and eliminate him. Rydell shoved Bruce back into the ropes and fought to try and get him up and over, but there was still life left in Blue Suede.

Mark Kingston slowly made his way back to his feet after taking the vicious clothesline, but waiting for him again was the massive Mushigihara who clinched him up into a massive full nelson and the two struggled until they found their way into a corner. Kingston fought hard trying to break the hold, but the massive strength of Mushigihara was too much for him to overpower, and Mushigihara lifted him up in the full nelson and flopped him over the top rope, but Kingston was able to grab hold of the top rope and hang on for dear life as Mushigihara began reigning down lefts and rights trying to force him from the apron.

EGL: “Mushigihara has Mark Kingston just inches away from his night being over! Kingston refuses to give up and he’s still hanging on. How in the mundo is he still hanging on???”

Matt Meyhu who had been a target throughout the match was doing his best to try and avoid any contact with the other competitors as he rest on the bottom rope hoping that no one would pay him any mind, but that wasn’t the case as a big boot dropped down on his midsection from Derecho. Derecho then lifted Meyhu up from the canvas and tossed him across the ring where he ran into Samuel Turner. The force from the back to back blow caused Turner to stumble through the ropes onto the ring apron where Eugene Dewey seized the opportunity to try and push him from the apron.

Dewey drew back and sent a massive kick into Turner’s gut that caused him to fall from the apron, but the referees on the outside waved it off as not disqualifying him from the match because he had gone through the ropes and not over the ropes. Turner reached back into the ring under the bottom rope and grabbed hold of Dewey’s legs yanking them out from under him, causing him to fall to the mats before entering back into the ring.

EGL: “Turner went THROUGH the ropes, and you have to go over the top rope to be eliminated. That’s why his chances are still alive in BATTLEMANIA.”






“Stranglehold” by Ted Nugent cued up the arrival of Amp.

T. Gordon: “Entering at number twenty six, from Kansas City, Missouri… Representing Boardwalk Wrestling… ‘The Living Legend’ AMP!”

EGL: “Amp has arrived! He’s a top pick for a lot of people to do well and possibly even win BATTLEMANIA! I know he had a lot to say about Amber Ryan’s ass. It’s too bad she’s not still here!”

Just as Amp was about to make his way into the ring Dave Rydell gave up his attempts of getting Blue Suede Bruce out of the ring, and from the corner of his eye he noticed Eden Morgan resting with one arm on the ropes. He turned and charged toward her hoping to catch her off guard, but what he wasn’t expecting was the fact that she was fully ready and he had just fallen into the trap she had set. As Rydell approached with enough speed to not get stopped, Eden grabbed hold of the rope with both hands and dropped. Rydell went flying over the top rope and outside of the ring, his eyes never wavering from his target as Morgan shot him a wink almost in slow motion.

T. Gordon: “Dave Rydell has been eliminated!”

When Amp got into the ring he went right to work on Matt Meyhu, who had found himself in another corner. Amp laid into him with kick after kick before bringing Meyhu out of the corner and planting him face-first on the canvas with a bulldog.

Eugene Dewey and Mushigihara were squaring off in another section of the ring. Mushigihara had Dewey’s throat draped over the top rope and was pushing all 317 pounds of his body weight down onto Dewey’s shoulders and neck, trying to strangle him against the rope.

MJ Bell and J.B. Ronie were both punching away at Derecho in one of the corners. Mark Kingston took a walk on Ataxia’s chest, making his face turn different shades of purple.






“Everybody’s Got Something to Hide (Except for Me and My Monkey)” by the Beatles got all of the fans in a good mood and they soon cheered the next entrant.

T. Gordon: “Entering at number twenty seven, from Gary, Indiana… Representing ACE Wrestling… JASON ORION!”

EGL: “Jason might be the smallest competitor in BATTLEMANIA, at only five foot six and 150 pounds. The fans seem to love him and he’s excited to be here. Look at his little legs flying down the aisle!”

Jason Orion got into the ring and ran right at the much larger Mark Kingston. Kingston easily scooped him up and threw him right over the top rope into the front row! However, Jason Orion landed on a fan’s lap and his feet never touched the floor.

EGL: “This should be outside interference! That person, I don’t know who they are, but they just saved Jason Orion from elimination! Of course, anything goes in the Jungle!”

Jason Orion hopped from the fan’s lap to the guardrail, and sprung right back to the ring apron. He climbed through the bottom and middle ropes and charged Kingston again. Again, Mark Kingston picked him up and sent him soaring well over the top rope into the crowd, this time on the opposite side of the ring!

Once again, Jason Orion landed on a fan’s lap. This time, it was a different fan, of course. Orion hopped to the guardrail and back to the apron one more time.

Mushigihara had backed away from Eugene Dewey and took a running start, looking to crush Dewey’s windpipe between the God-Beast’s leg and the top rope. Dewey, however, had managed to move out of the way, leaving Mushi crotched on the top rope! Mushigihara’s eyes widened in pain.

EGL: “Eugene Dewey got out of the way just in the nick of time, and I REALLY don’t envy Mushi right now! I think Mushigihara might have just become the last of his kind!”

Eugene Dewey backed up...

Eugene Dewey: “SHORYUKEN!”

Dewey went for his jumping, twisting uppercut, but Mushigihara swayed his head back and Dewey missed, crotching himself on the top rope right in front of the God-Beast! Mushigihara put a hand on Eugene Dewey and shoved him over, to the floor. He then made his way back into the ring, very tenderly.

T. Gordon: “Eugene Dewey has been eliminated!”

EGL: “I thought for a second that Dewey might have put the big man out, but Mushigihara is still in this!”

J.B. Ronie walked away from Derecho and MJ Bell. He found Eden Morgan and whipped her into the ropes, right where Jason Orion was standing. Ronie lowered his head for a backdrop, but Morgan hooked her arms on the top rope to put on the brakes. She turned around toward the crowd, tapping her head to tell them how smart she was. Jason Orion, meanwhile, grabbed the top rope and latched onto her head with an inverted headscissors, pulling her over the top rope and sending her to the floor!

T. Gordon: “Eden Morgan has been eliminated!”

EGL: “And there goes Eden Morgan. Apparently she didn’t see Jason Orion standing on the ring apron. It’s easy to miss him!”

Jason Orion posed in celebration of eliminating Eden Morgan, much to the joy of the fans who cheered him on.

Mark Kingston had spotted Blue Suede Bruce, who was looking the other way, taunting Eden Morgan, who had just been eliminated. Kingston chop blocked Blue Suede Bruce’s knee again and locked in the Texas cloverleaf.

EGL: “OH! Mark Kingston has the Fucked Up Leg Syndrome on Blue Suede Bruce… AGAIN!”

After a bit of Blue Suede Bruce writhing in pain, Kingston used sheer strength to lift him from the mat, still in the Fucked Up Leg Syndrome. He held Blue Suede Bruce over the top rope and dropped him to the floor.

T. Gordon: “Blue Suede Bruce has been eliminated!”

J.B. Ronie walked up behind Amp, who was brawling with Samuel Tiberius Turner II near the ropes. Ronie bundled Amp out over the top rope from behind, catching him completely by surprise!

T. Gordon: “Amp has been eliminated!”

J.B. Ronie then spotted Jason Orion, who was still celebrating on the apron. Orion had never re-entered the ring and was in a very prone position. J.B. Ronie ran up behind him and crashed into him with a knee lift, knocking him off of the apron to the ringside floor.

T. Gordon: “Jason Orion has been eliminated!”

EGL: “Well Jason Orion’s participation in BATTLEMANIA may have been short lived, but it was definitely memorable! Such athleticism, but let it be a lesson to get back in the ring when you need to, and not waste time with celebrations in a battle royal!”






“Keep Your Hands to Yourself” by Georgia Satellites got a good reaction from the crowd.

T. Gordon: “Entering at number twenty eight, from Clarksburg, West Virginia… Representing APW… JAMES “RED DUKE” JACKSON!”

EGL: “WHAT IS THAT? He is TALL! Almost as tall as J The Ripper! James Jackson stands six foot nine and weighs 315 pounds, he might be the BIGGEST person in BATTLEMANIA!”

The largest man in the tournament slowly made his way toward the ring and one man in the ring was doing a complete double take back and forth between Jackson and Mushigihara. That man was the one person who had been involved in the match the longest, Matt Meyhu. Meyhu did his best to organize the rest of the participants in the match to all surround and get Mushigihara out of the ring before Jackson could enter.

Once the rest of the participants caught on to what Meyhu was throwing down they knew exactly what needed to be done. Meyhu, Ataxia, Bell, Kingston, Ronie, Derecho, and Turner all put the rest of their problems aside as they rushed Mushigihara and all began trying to push him back toward the ropes.

Jackson made his way up onto the apron while the seven other competitors continued to fight with Mushigihara and it looked like their attempt was going to be futile. Not to be the type to let a plan completely fall through as soon as Jackson stepped over the top rope and into the ring Meyhu let loose of his grip on Mushigihara and noticed that Mark Kingston was leaning over the ropes a little more than he probably should have. Meyhu grabbed hold of Kingston’s legs and tossed him the rest of the way over the ropes and to the outside.

T. Gordon: “Mark Kingston has been eliminated!”

EGL: “I think the biggest thing to remember here is never trust Matt Meyhu! He organized this entire troupe to get on top of Mushigihara and like the coward he is took advantage of Mark Kingston hanging over the ropes way too much!”

Jackson made his way over to the group and began tossing the rest of the competitors across the ring. Jackson latched onto the back of Ataxia’s neck and tossed him across the ring. He grabbed MJ Bell by the hair and tossed her like a ragdoll. Then he tried grabbing hold of Derecho by the hair and obviously he wasn’t aware of just who the King of Hell was, because Derecho quickly turned and began driving fists into face of the larger man. It wasn’t Derecho’s first run at a man larger than himself and he wasn’t about to just be tossed around the ring. This sidetracking only left Ronie and Turner trying to get Mushigihara out of the ring, and he easily pushed both men off thwarting their attempts.






The familiar theme song to the 1980s sitcom Perfect Strangers, “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Me Now” by David Pomeranz, played through the Jungle. The fans got nostalgic thinking about Bronson Pinchot’s performance as Balki Bartokomous.

T. Gordon: “Entering at number twenty nine, from Orlando, Florida… Representing New Era and LoC… SHAWN-JESSICA HART!”

Boos from the crowd, but Shawn Hart didn’t come out from the back. The screen showed Shawn Hart in the back of a jeep in the real jungle, with his half-sister Felicia driving.

Shawn Hart: “Faster Felicia, faster! We’re gonna be late!”

Felicia: “I’m driving as fast as I can. I told you not to get Brazilian wax!”

Shawn: “Hey! When in Brazil, do like the Brazilians! ‘Mmmmmm I right? Now ya mule. YA!”

EGL: “It’s Shawn Hart! But he’s still on his way to the arena! Will he make it on time?”

After fighting off the only two people left hanging on to trying to throw Mushigihara out of the ring the giant Asian turned his attentions to the man who had started the uprising against him, Matt Meyhu. Mushigihara yanked Meyhu up off of the canvas and tossed him into a turnbuckle and began slamming fists into his midsection. Across the ring Derecho despite his size deficit was able to gain the upper hand against Jackson and had him backed into the corner opposite of the destruction that Mushigihara was reigning down on Meyhu.

MJ Bell and Ataxia were slowly getting back to their feet and turned right into each other. MJ Bell was ready to fight after being tossed across the ring by her hair and took a huge backhand swing at Ataxia knocking him off of his guard and the two began to brawl when the countdown from the fans began once again.






“What a Great Night” by the Hilltop Hoods got the fans in the Jungle going BERSERK!

T. Gordon: “Entering at number thirty, the FINAL ENTRY into BATTLEMANIA… From North Queensland, Australia… Representing UGWC… ‘THE CYCLONE’ JORDAN KING!”

Jordan King came sprinting into the ring to a huge pop from the crowd.

EGL: “Jordan King is officially the last entry into BATTLEMANIA, but Shawn Hart still isn’t hear yet. I can hardly hear myself above all this noise. The fans are REALLY behind this guy!”

Jordan King slid into the ring and J.B. Ronie grabbed him to go after James Jackson, who was being worked over by Derecho in the corner. Derecho took a walk and got involved with the brawl between Ataxia and MJ Bell. Derecho and Bell bounced Ataxia back and forth between them with their punches.

“The Cyclone” Jordan King and J.B. Ronie each grabbed one of James Jackson’s arms and sent him for a ride into the ropes. When he returned, they ducked their heads and gave him a double backdrop that sent him crashing into the ring steps and then the floor!

T. Gordon: “James ‘Red Duke’ Jackson has been eliminated!”

EGL: “Jackson is out, and he looks like he might be hurt. He took a bad spill into those ring steps and he’s holding his ribs! We need to get him some help out here!”

EMTs brought out the stretcher while the action continued on in the ring. Lots of fans watched on with concern.

In the ring, J.B. Ronie walked up behind MJ Bell, who was still double-teaming Ataxia with Derecho. He picked her up and dumped her over the top rope, much to the dismay of the fans.

T. Gordon: “MJ Bell has been eliminated!”

EGL: “MJ Bell has been in here a long time and she put up a great fight. I really have to hand it to her. But NOBODY is a match for someone who just strolls around the ring, tossing people out! That seems to be J.B. Ronie’s plan tonight and it’s been paying off so far. He’s eliminated more people than anyone else!”

The ring started to thin out with seven people in. This provided a little more space to work in. Jordan King took advantage of this space, driving Samuel Tiberius Tuner II’s head into the mat with a tornado DDT!

Meanwhile, Ataxia took Mushigihara over the top rope with a hurricanrana! Mushigihara spilled to the floor and Ataxia landed on the ring apron, but was summarily knocked to the floor by a charging Derecho.

T. Gordon: “‘The God-Beast’ Mushigihara has been eliminated! Ataxia has been eliminated!”

Jordan King punched Samuel Tiberius Turner II in the gut and lifted him to his shoulders. He swung STT II out and into a neckbreaker.

EGL: “The Cyclone! Jordan King just hit the Cyclone on Samuel Tiberius Turner the Second and he’s knocked out!”

King dragged Samuel Tiberius Turner II over to the ropes and struggled to lift the dead weight. Eventually, he was able to bundle him over the top rope and send Samuel Tiberius Turner II tumbling to the padded mats on the floor.

T. Gordon: “Samuel Tiberius Turner the Second has been eliminated!”

EGL: “There goes Samuel Tiberius Turner the Second, and now things are really thinning out! We’re down to just four left! But wait… What’s this???”

“Nothing’s Gonna Stop Me Now” by David Pomeranz played again. This time, Shawn-Jessica Hart and his half-sister Felicia made their way to the ring. The crowd was booing the roof off of the Jungle. The both came bolting from the back and Shawn slid in under the bottom rope. He went straight for Matt Meyhu, who had been the longest lasting participant so far. Hart fed him a series of punches and then wound up, putting the exclamation mark on Meyhu’s skull with a huge Bionic elbow!

EGL: “El Codo Explosivo! What a Bionic elbow smash to Meyhu’s skull! ¡DIOS MIO! HART ATTACK!”

Meyhu staggered around and right into Shawn Hart’s patented three-quarter nelson neckbreaker (aka a Diamond Cutter).

J.B. Ronie grabbed Hart up into a fireman’s carry, possibly looking for the neckbreaker he liked to use to set up the Rottenbomb. Unfortunately, Hart slithered out of it and into a cutter.

EGL: “And there’s a Hart Attack for J.B. Ronie!”

The EMTs carried James Jackson away on the stretcher to the applause of the crowd.

Jordan King ran into the ropes and came back, hitting Shawn Hart with a flying forearm. Meanwhile, Derecho took the opportunity to toss an unconscious J.B. Ronie from the ring.

T. Gordon: “J.B. Ronie has been eliminated!”

EGL: “Well J.B. Ronie is out of BATTLEMANIA now, but he put in a great performance tonight, racking up five eliminations! That’s more than anyone else! But we’re down to our final four now and it’s Matt Meyhu, Derecho, Shawn Hart, and Jordan King! Meyhu has been in here much longer than the rest of them, coming in at number seven, well over an hour ago!”

Matt Meyhu started to make his way back to his feet. Jordan King spotted him and they started to slug it out. A punch from King! A punch from Meyhu! Another from King! Another from Meyhu! Another from King! And another from King! And another and another and another! Meyhu was getting wobbly and swung a wild punch that missed its mark. King sent Meyhu for a ride to the ropes and backdropped him to the apron on his return.

Derecho and Shawn Hart took up separate corners, watching the action.

Meyhu latched onto the top rope and Jordan King came over to get some more. Jordan King fired off a chop to Meyhu’s chest, and Meyhu fired back. King fired off a punch, and Meyhu punched back. They exchanged chops and punches a few more times before Jordan King finally blocked one of Meyhu’s punches. He capitalized, unloading with a flurry of rapid fire punches to Meyhu’s face! One of Meyhu’s hands lost its grip and he teetered over the edge of the apron.

EGL: “Matt Meyhu looks like he’s ready to fall! He’s come so far, SO FAR, but this could be the end of his dreams of winning BATTLEMANIA!”

Meyhu was reeling and just barely hung onto the top rope. There was still fight in him. He swung a punch that met its mark and stunned Jordan King long enough to get his foothold back on the apron. Meyhu rattled off a few more punches before one wild one missed, and Jordan King caught him with a jawbreaker. Meyhu flew backward, right off the apron and into the guardrail.

T. Gordon: “Matt Meyhu has been eliminated!”

EGL: “I can’t believe it! Matt Meyhu had come so far, and just when it looked like he was battling back, his night at BATTLEMANIA is finished! Jordan King has eliminated the man who lasted longer than anyone else!

”Only three to go! It’s down to Jordan King, Derecho, and Shawn-Jessica Hart!”

Shawn Hart walked up to Jordan King, clapping his hands. He stuck out his hand, open palmed, offering a handshake and apparently trying to cut some sort of deal with “The Cyclone.” When Derecho saw what was going on, he raced to the scene and pleaded with King to side with him, instead. Jordan King looked out at the crowd, asking them what he should do. They booed both options.

Eventually, Hart and Derecho both realized THEIR opportunity, each taking an arm and whipping Jordan King across the ring. On his return, he stuck out both arms for a double clothesline. Derecho ducked and King knocked Hart over the top rope. Shawn had managed to hang on, and only one foot touched the floor. Felicia rushed over, lacing her fingers together, and stuck her hands under his other foot to help him back up. Hart showboated to the fans while Derecho and Jordan King both nodded at one another. They took off running, looking to knock Hart off of the apron and out of the match.

Felicia shouted at her half-brother to turn around, and he saw them coming just in time to drop to his back on the apron. Shawn-Jessica Hart pulled down the top rope, sending both Derecho and “The Cyclone” Jordan King flying from the ring in the process. Felicia quickly ducked out of the way and the duo hit the floor.

The referee called for the bell.

T. Gordon: “Derecho and ‘The Cyclone’ Jordan King have BOTH been eliminated! Your winner of EFG Presents BATTLEMANIA… SHAWN-JESSICA HART!!!”

Shawn Hart stood back up on the apron and Felicia joined him in a celebration Numa Numa dance.

EGL: “I can’t believe what I’ve just seen here! Just when it looked like complete disaster, Shawn-Jessica Hart has managed to win it, and I’m going to be able to eat this month, after all! Well, there’s still one thing remaining. I need to present the BATTLEMANIA Champion with his prize!”

El Gringo Loco got up from his broadcast table and picked up the briefcase, strolling to the ring. He carried a microphone with him and joined Shawn Hart on the ring apron.

EGL: “Shawn-Jessica Hart, you’ve outlasted twenty nine other competitors, the best and most fearless around the world, to win BATTLEMANIA and be known as the most DAZZLING wrestler of 2015! But that’s not all, you’ve also won the contents of THIS BRIEFCASE! On behalf of Guerilla Wrestling and Broadcasting, Inc. and our sponsors,,, and our SEXY and MYSTERIOUS benefactor, it’s my humble and great privilege to wish you congratulations, Shawn-Jessica Hart!

“This concludes BATTLEMANIA! Remember to train early and train often!”

Written by: El Gringo Loco and Jesse Ramey
Match plan by: El Gringo Loco and Keegan