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  1. #1
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    Round 1: Eddie Whisky vs. Chris Walker

    Round 1 roleplay goes here. 2 RP limit.

  2. #2
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    Re: Round 1: Eddie Whisky vs. Chris Walker

    Funny thing about Eddie Whisky; what he gets away with in wrestling, he would be arrested for in any other career. Take, for example, his current appearance. If you saw a 6'6" man on the street wearing nothing but boxer shorts and an old-timey leather aviator's helmet, you might simply cross the street, but when you take into account he is one of the participants in ULTRATITLE, you just shrug, and hope his explanation is at least somewhat coherent.
    Eddie Whisky: A conspiracy! And 127 people are in on it against me!

    So... no. Well, let's try to hang on as long as we can.

    EW: I thought that an event as prestigious as ULTRATITLE might have semblance of integrity. But NOOOOO!

    Behind Eddie is a large wall-mounted display of the complete ULTRATITLE tournament brackets. Each wrestler's name has a small portrait of the said wrestler beside such same. Eddie pulls the helmet's goggles over his eyes, possibly so he can look even more crazy as he looks at the brackets.

    EW: Nope, just like how the IWF allows me to keep being robbed in an out of the ring, just as how the GCW tries its best to pretend I don't exist, just like how Lindsay Lohan's publicist insists we are NOT dating, I once again am a victim of a conspiracy!

    Eddie points at few sets of brackets, as though to prove a point.

    EW: See? SEE?! It's all as plain as the mustache on my face!

    To his credit, it is a pretty sweet 'stache.

    EW: While everyone else in the ULTRATITLE brackets knows who they are fighting, the Eddie Whiskys in this tournament are left with just an undefined ghost of a person. And since I'm the only Eddie Whisky in the ULTRATITLE tournament, that means it's a conspiracy to make me lose!

    Eddie waves his hand at the Eddie Whisky vs. Chris Walker slot on the Tournament... diorama? Tapestry? Whatever it is, it's being pointed at by Eddie Whisky. Moving on...

    EW: But what THEY don't know about Eddie Whisky is I - Eddie Whisky - am accustomed to people trying to get me. Chris Walker thinks he's so clever by not letting me know what he's all about in the ring? Well I'm twice the clever you are Chris Walker! Maybe you think I'll have my guard down because I don't know you! Well Chris Walker, I have fallen for that before and I swore to never fall for that again!

    Eddie removes the goggles from his eyes, proving at least that he didn't need them to look crazy.

    EW: What you don't know Chris, is that once upon a time a young boy named Eddie in the magical year of 1979 was just starting his second year of kindergarten. And he was on top of the world because he had himself the greatest thing ever: A t-shirt with the Superman logo on it!

    Eddie Whisky gets a far-away look on his face. If this was a cartoon, you hear flashback harp-y music.

    EW: Oh how happy young Eddie was! He would hold out his arms and go "DUN TUN TA DA DUN!" and through the power of imagination he would be Superman!

    The wistful look becomes clouded as Eddie continues his narrative.

    EW: And what a happy day it was! Eddie was about to embark on his second try at Grade K, and he was really confident he could make it through this time. His Mom and Daddy had misgivings, but poop on them. Eddie had his Superman shirt, and we all know Superman can't fail kindergarten!

    Eddie seems confident in young Eddie's chances, judging by the look he's giving.

    EW: Suddenly! Eddie is on the playground of his elementary school, pretending he is Superman, as he was wont to do, when all of a sudden, a NEW KID~! comes along. He is a nice looking little kid, all blonde-haired with clean pants and store-bought shoes.

    Eddie begins to pace back and forth, sporting what those in the biz might call a "Thousand Mile Stare."

    EW: This new little boy looked like he was the nicest and friendliest boy that Eddie ever met! And Eddie thought himself a keen judge of character, even though he didn't know what that meant. He wanted to be this new boy's friend so badly! So badly he almost wet himself again!

    Eddie stops, and he plucks the name card that reads "Chris Walker" off of the... backdrop? Whatever the hell it's called.

    EW: So Little Eddie said 'what's your name?' and instead of the usual 'go away, smelly!' the new kid said his name! Aaron Parker was his name, and he didn't hate Eddie like everybody else did! 'Do you want to be best friends?' asked Little Eddie. 'Uh okay,' said Aaron Parker his new best friend! It was the BEST DAY EVER~!

    It's not certain how he pronounces the tilde (~), nor what it sounds like.

    EW: Then, because they were the best friends ever, Aaron Parker made a reasonable request: 'wanna trade shirts?'

    Eddie looks at the "Chirs Walker" name plate, then gently returns it to its place on the bracket.

    EW: Little Eddie was reluctant, as he was at this point accustomed to be Superman, but Aaron Walker... Parker. Aaron Parker was his best friend. Also, Chris-AARON! Aaron was wearing a green shirt, and that was his favorite color. So Little Eddie reluctant agreed. After all, Aaron Parker was a nice boy and they were best friends.

    Eddie takes off his aviator's helmet and bunches it up in his hands.

    EW: Not ten minutes later, Little Eddie walked into his new old kindergarten classroom, and was greeted by a great commotion. There was Aaron Parker standing on a desk and hopping to another making WOOSH-ing sounds.


    A snapping sound can be heard. Eddie is gripping his helmet so tightly, the goggles have broken. Droplets of blood drip from his hands.

    EW: Aaron Parker was jumping around saying “I’m Superman! I’m Superman!” And those other idiot kids were all cheering him on, maybe they thought he was Superman! Little Eddie couldn’t believe it! Aaron Walker… Parker had stolen Little Eddie’s chance to be popular! His time to shine! No longer would he be Smelly Eddie who frequently had accidents in his pants! He could have been Superman!

    Eddie tosses away the remains of the helmet and begins to pace back and forth.

    EW: Little Eddie demanded that Aaron Parker give him back his shirt! Aaron Parker was his best friend, so certainly he would let Little Eddie have his moment of glory! But no!

    Eddie kicks through the bracket slot holding the Chris Walker name plate. A large hole is left behind.

    EW: ‘I’m Superman,’ said Chris Walker to Little Eddie. ‘It’s my shirt!’ I said… Little Eddie said ‘no, I’m Superman!’ and he began to cry. He might have wet himself a bit too. I MEANT AARON PARKER!



    Eddie continues to kick the.. whatever the hell it's called.


    EW: But then Aaron Parker said "you're not Superman, you're STUPID-MAN!' And all of the other kids laughed! And then they ALL started chanting 'Stupid-Man! Stupid-Man! STUPID-MAN!'



    Eddie begins to wind down his rage, but continues to hitch and heave, frothing spittle running down his face.


    EW: So then, Chris Walker... the moral of this story is do not think for a minute Eddie Whisky - me - will take you lightly, or think you're a nice guy or try to be your friend!



    Eddie looks at his bleeding hands, somewhat bewildered.


    EW: I! AM! NOT! STUPID-MAN! ONCE BITTEN, TWICE SHY!

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