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  1. #1
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    LVW Week 7 - Lucky 777 (7)

    (MUSIC UP: "Signs of Life" - Every Move A Picture)

    (FADEIN: Blue screen, flashy lights bordering all around, House of Blues logo in the middle, with date, time, and lots of 411.)

    MAYES (V/O): “People in the Valley, come join us here at the House of Blues for some Las Vegas Wrestling action! Get your tickets now for our next show by hitting us up on the website listed, by calling 1-702-555-2525, or by showing up at the House of Blues at Mandalay Bay here on the Las Vegas STRIP!”

    "We crowned our first LVW World Heavyweight Champion at Supershow on the Strip I, and he will be in the House of Blues, putting the platinum and diamonds up on the line in LVW's very first one-on-one World Title Match! The fallout from the Supershow all goes down RIGHT HERE! Who will get LUCKY... and who will go BROKE?"

    "Here's the lineup sheet!"


    LVW World Heavyweight Championship

    "Cowboy" JAMES DONOVAN (c) v. "Broadway" JOHNNY DOLL


    Arm Wrestling War

    HANS NOWAK v. OLVIR ARSVINNAR


    #1 Contender's Match for the LVW Las Vegas Championship
    3-Way Match - First Pinfall Wins

    COLT JAMES, "The Man In Black" v. BILL BELLMOTH v. ERIK MATEO

    .

    WEB BROWSER & ELVIS AARON PRESLEY
    v.
    "Hard Hitter" BEN LERNER & JACK HOUSE

    .

    "The Inferno" CARMINE ESPOSITO v. SHADRIC THE DOG

    .

    LEISURE TIME w/ RICKY ZANE

    .

    In Action - EL MAGICK-O

    .

    PLUS MORE!



    "Join us! EL VEE DOUBLE-U... taking it, to the OBSCENE!"


    OORP: Alright, due to the layoff in time in getting SotS I up and all, we'll give this one a little time so people can get their heads back into things. Monday, April 24th, 6PM PST (9 on the East, right at the start of RAW) looks like it'll work. lvw.prez@gmail.com is the addy for all submissions.

    I'll throw a note up regarding the doling out of match-writing tomorrow.

  2. #2
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    LVW Lucky 7's Segment 1

    (FADEIN: The LVW Ring where JEFF MAYES and SIR SIMON SMITH are standing, the crowd roaring with a loud ‘EL-VE-DOUBLE-U!’ chant.)

    MAYES: “We are BACK…And after an EPIC Supershow on the Strip, we have two new champions and a lot of questions to answer.”

    SMITH: “Yeah, like if the Casinos will ADMIT they put the FIX in on the World Title match?! (Crowd boos) Hans had that thing on LOCKDOWN until that idiot Olvir, who I believe was working on behalf of MGM, screwed everything up and denied the Polish War Machine the World Title, and more importantly, Costing ME a huge pay day!”

    MAYES: ‘Oh Brother…Folks, tonight the World Title is ON THE LINE as the New Champion, the Cowboy, James Donovan, takes on the #1 contender to his title “Broadway” Johnny Doll!”

    SMITH: “There isn’t anything to see in this awful match…We can only pray for two career ending injuries.”

    MAYES: “You are a ray of sunshine Sir Simon…Also tonight we have a three way dance between Eric Mateo, Colt James ‘The Man In Black’, and Bill Bellmoth to see who gets first shot at El Gordo Grande’s Las Vegas Championship.”

    SMITH: “Bellmoth will finally get off the losing streak tonight and make a statement that he was ROBBED of that title at the Super Show, and he won’t stand for it anymore!”

    MAYES: “And also new comer Shadric the Dogboy will be making his debut, but he’s got a tough draw as he faces “The Inferno” Carmine Esposito!”

    SMITH: “I thought this company couldn’t get any lower after Web Browser, but somehow, this place has dug up an even bigger loser!”

    MAYES: “Also the LEGEND Ricky Zane” (Crowd loudly reacts) “Will be in the building as a guest on Leisure Time!”

    SMITH: “It’s funny, after mentioning what a disgrace the Dogman, or boy whatever the hell he is, is upon LVW, you mention that we finally have GREATNESS in this company. I mean, Bill Bellmoth is really better then these people deserve…But Ricky Zane…It’s almost criminal to allow these scum to be in the same zip code as him!” (Crowd boos)

    MAYES: “In other, not so good news, Ben Lerner has BACKED OUT of the tag match, so the tag match we had for tonight’s show has been canceled…(Crowd boos, a few profane comments directed at Lerner are heard) and we dug around the streets for an opponent for El Magick-O…But none could be found, but rest assured the murdering magician WILL be here!”

    SMITH: “Hey, there is NO PROOF that he killed anyone at anytime! So really you need to back off that crazy talk bub!”

    MAYES: “Whatever Sir Simon…It is LVW…And it is…NEXT!”

    MUSIC UP: “Two Shots of Happy, One Shot of Sad (Hot Nugget Remix) – Matt Dusk)



    (CUTTO: Slow swooping helicopter shots of the Las Vegas skyline! From the Stratosphere tower, to the east to the Wynn, shooting straight south to Caesar’s Palace, circling all around to point to the south past the Paris Eiffel Tower and the Bellagio…)



    V/O: “TONIGHT, we bring you PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING as it’s never been DONE BEFORE… IN THE CITY OF SIN!”



    “I’M JUST A SINGER…. SOME SAY A SINNERRRRRRRRRR…

    ROLLLLLLLLIN’ THE DIIIIIIIIIIICE… NOT ALWAYS A WINNER.”



    (…The helicopter zooms in on the broadside of the MANDALAY BAY)



    V/O: “Coming to you from the HOUSE OF BLUES at MANDALAY BAY, get ready for the glitz, the glammer, and the gore! Get ready for LAS! VEGAS! WRRRRRRRRESTLINNNNNNNG!”



    (Soft FADEOUT to commercial)

  3. #3
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    LVW Lucky 7's Segment 2

    (FADEIN: The rampway, the sound of dogs barking and howling fills the arena as SHADRIC THE DOGBOY, wearing rags for clothes shambles to the ring, his whole body is covered in dirt. He enters the ring to a generally confused reaction by the crowd.)

    MAYES: “Well folks, Shadric the Dogboy is making his LVW debut, and well, I don’t know what to make of this guy.”

    SMITH: “LOSER is all you can think of really Mayes, come on, this guy is beyond horrible, I hope Carmine retires him!”

    (MUSIC UP: “New York, New York.” By Frank Sinatra as “the Inferno” CARMINE ESPOSITO heads to the ring looking pissed off. Carmine is wearing red knee long tights with yellow trim. JIMMY TWO TIMES follows behind him, wearing a steel gray pinstriped suit fresh out of the 1950’s. CARMINE gets more boos then cheers, from the crowd, with the smarks being on his side.)

    HARWELL: “The following contest is set for one fall…Introducing first…From the circus…Weighing in at 155 pounds…SHADRIC…THE DOGBOY!!” (Crowd still generally confused about SHADRIC doesn’t really react loudly in either way.)

    HARWELL: “And his opponent, led to the ring by JIMMY TWO TIMES…He weighs in at 225 pounds…From The Bronx, New York…THE INFERNO!! CARMINE!!! ESPOSITO!!” Crowd again gives him a loud booing, with smark cheers mixed in.)

    “Your referee for this contest is Brian Puter.”

    (Bell rings)

    MAYES: “Carmine goes right after Shadric and just grabs him in a headlock and starts driving right hands into his face…Shadric staggers into the ropes and Carmine gives him a couple kicks to the gut and whips him to the ropes…Carmine with a backdrop planting the Dogboy!”

    SMITH: “He needs to do more then plant him, he needs to destroy him!”

    MAYES: “Carmine off the ropes and DRIVES an elbow into the chest of Shadric and he covers! 1! 2!…NO! Shadric kicks out! Carmine stomps on him and now picks him up and whips him into the corner…Shadric hits the corner hard and falls face first on the mat…Carmine runs over and covers him! 1! 2!…NO! Shadric kicks out again!”

    SMITH: “Idiot dog, doesn’t know when he’s whipped!”

    MAYES: “Carmine pulls Shadric up and hooks him…GUTWRENCH SUPLEX! Another cover! 1! 2!…NO! Shadric again kicks out! This kid has a lot of guts!”

    SMITH: “And no brains!”

    MAYES: “Shadric now again getting kicked in the head repeatedly by Carmine who pulls him up…SHADRIC BITING CARMINE! And now he’s clawing at his face! Shadric throwing a series of punches at Carmine…Carmine rolls to the floor trying to get away from him…Shadric follows him to the floor and continues to hammer away on him…Wait a second…Jimmy Two Times just grabbed Shadric by the hair to try to get him off his man!”

    SMITH: “And he should, this beast isn’t fit to get his paws on Carmine!”

    MAYES: Shadric chasing after Jimmy now…Jimmy running around the ring…Wait…He’s got a stick…He’s waving it at Shadric…He’s trying to make him play fetch! Oh this is a joke!”

    SMITH: “No, it’s brilliant!”

    MAYES: “Shardic just swatted that stick out of Jimmy’s hand…And Jimmy runs away…Shadric follows…RIGHT INTO A CLOTHESLINE FROM CARMINE! He took Shadric’s head off!”

    SMITH: “HA! Sucker!”

    MAYES: “Carmine now DRIVES Shadric’s head into the STEEL steps! And AGAIN! Just beating the hell out him…He throws Shadric into the ring and now Carmine is going up to the top rope…CARMINE OFF THE TOP WITH AN ELBOW!!!”

    SMITH: “He just killed him!”

    MAYES: “The cover! 1! 2!…3! NO! SHADRIC KICKED OUT! I don’t believe it…Carmine is livid! He’s glaring at the ref…Carmine now grabs Shadric and whips him into the ropes…SPINEBUSTER! Shadric’s head just BOUNCED off the canvas…Carmine covers! 1! 2!…3! NO! SHADRIC KICKED OUT AGAIN!”

    SMITH: “This guy is insane! Why does he bother?!”

    MAYES: “Carmine is just beside himself…He pulls Shadric up…Kick to the gut doubles him over…RUNNING KNEE LIFT! THE I-19! Now he’s stalking Shadric, waiting for him to get up..”

    SMITH: “He only needs O-61 to finish his card I think…”

    MAYES: “Shadric gets up…BINGO!! THE FLYING FOREARM!! CARMINE JUST SMASHED HIS FACE! THE COVER! 1! 2!…3!! HE GOT HIM!”

    (Bell rings)

    SMITH: “That nutjob kicked out at 3 and a half! I’ve never seen anyone even ATTEMPT to kick out of a Bingo before!”

    MAYES: “Carmine noticed that also and he’s PISSED…He pulls Shadric back up…ANOTHER BINGO! This time Shadric is laid out but good…Carmine putting the bad mouth on him as Shadric lays motionless…”

    HARWELL: “Here is your winner…”The Inferno” CARMINE! ESPOSITOOOO!!”

    (MUSIC UP: “New York, New York” by Frank Sinatra as CARMINE gets showered with boos…He exits the ring looking smug as JIMMY TWO TIMES follows behind him also looking cocky.)

    MAYES: “A dominating performance by “The Inferno” here…Fans, we’ll be back with more after this!”

  4. #4
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    LVW Lucky 7's Segment 3

    (FADEIN: The back area, near the dressing rooms, we see MIKEY GUMDROPS standing there on a cell phone. GUMDROPS is wearing a black button up shirt and pants, with his hair slicked back.)

    GUMDROPS: “No, I’m not with Carmine…I had a favor to do for him and that’s it…It’s over…Yeah that joker’s gone…They won’t be seeing him anymore…What…A hooker of yours…Sawed in two? Who the hell? Some guy in this company? Why didn’t you say so? Of course I’ll look into it…”

    (CUTTO: A different part of the backstage area, we see EL MAGICK-O with a giant box with a curtain covering the front of it.)

    EL-MAGICK-O: “Oh tonight…Shall be the night of the grandest of my illusions…Oh I do think the crowd will be in awe of what they shall witness…I shall part the veil of the dead before their very eyes…”

    MAYES: (V/O) “What the hell is going on here?! Fans we’ll get to the bottom of this…Hopefully…”

  5. #5
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    LVW Lucky 7's Segment 4

    (FADEIN: The ring, where HANS and OLVIR stand, they circle each other and a small table where the standard arm wrestling pads and grips are, all three LVW Refs are in the ring trying to keep order while MISS ANN stands outside the ring, with a smug smile on her face.)

    MAYES: “We’re back fans and we’re almost ready for the arm wrestling contest between Hans Nowak and Olvir Arsvinnar…”

    SMITH: “The arm wrestling match between LVW’s rightful champion and the tool of the casino lobby…I used to think Olvir was a pretty cool guy, until it turned out he is just a sellout working for the man!”

    MAYES: “You REALLY need to lay off the conspiracy theories there buddy…Anyhow, the two men are now finally set at the table…They lock up…And now Hans backs out (crowd boos…HANS starts yelling “Stupid Refs not know how to lock hands!”) and now they are talking him into going back to the table…Hans not liking this…Olvir now getting the crowd to clap and rallying them…Finally Hans is back…And they are locked up…HERE WE GO!! BOTH MEN PUSHING AND FIGHTING FOR ALL THEY ARE WORTH…Hans now pushing Olvir over…He’s got a slight edge…”

    SMITH: “CRUSH HIM! BREAK HIS ARM!”

    MAYES: “Olvir now evens it out…And now he’s getting the pressure on Hans…Olvir trying to put this away…NO! THEIR HANDS FLY APART! (Crowd boos loudly!)

    SMITH: “That COWARD Olvir felt Hans overpowering him and let go!”

    MAYES: “Hans was the one in trouble there Sir Simon…”

    (Head Ref CESAR MARTINEZ breaks out a leather strap as the crowd now starts a “STRAP! STRAP!” chant)

    MAYES: “And now the two men are being tied together by a leather strap tied around their wrists…And the refs give them the countdown…And here we go…They lock up…Both men straining and fighting for all there are worth…Hans is again in trouble…Olvir has the upper hand…Hans fighting for all he’s worth…Can he hang on…WAIT! WHAT THE HELL?! A FAN JUST HOPPED THE GUARD RAIL AND ENTERED THE RING!”

    SMITH: “That’s Gloria Sowers-Natch! She’s the leader of those people who hate Olvir!”

    MAYES: “Olvir looks up shocked at that Miss Sowers-Natch is in the ring…HANS PUTS HIM DOWN! That distraction allowed HANS to slam Olvir’s hand down and Hans has won this thing!”

    SMITH: “YES! VINDICATION BABY!”
    MAYES: “Oh give me a break, AND NOW THE TWO MEN ARE GOING AT IT! They are tied together by that strap and now are throwing punches at each other…OH NO! Sowers-Natch just threw a cup full of some liquid into the face of Olvir! Olvir just went down like he was shot…He just broke that strap when he fell…Hans now putting the boots to him as Olvir rolls to the floor and LVW’s staff and doctors are not checking out his eyes.”

    SMITH: “Oh she just threw some water at him, the big baby.”

    MAYES: “That’s why they are currently flushing his eyes out WITH WATER right?”

    SMITH: “Well…Yes”

    HARWELL: “Here is your winner…HANS NOWAK!!!” (Crowd boos, MUSIC UP: “National Anthem of Poland” as HANS stomps around the ring sneering at the crowd and raising his arms in victory.)

    MAYES: “Well folks, the Polish War Machine gets a tainted win in this arm wrestling contest…We’ll be back after this.”

  6. #6
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    LVW Lucky 7's Segment 5

    FADEIN: The broadcast booth, where MAYES and SMITH are waiting for the next match.)

    MAYES: "Fans, up next we'll be having a three way dance for the right to challenge the Las Vegas Champion El Gordo Grande, as Eric Mateo, The Man In Black Colt James, and Bill Bellmoth will be facing off."

    SMITH: "Get it right Mayes, two men will be left staring at the awesome power of a LEGEND in this industry."

    MAYES: "You need so much help...Really you do."

    (MUSIC UP: "Jesus Christ Superstar- Edit" by Andrew Lloyd Webber as a spotlight shines down on BILL BELLMOTH, who's wearing his black windbreaker, black warm up pants and mirrored sunglasses...He pauses for a moment to soak in the crowds boos before he begins mockingly waving at them. After he takes about two steps towards the ring, THE MAN IN BLACK, COLT JAMES charges from the back and clotheslines him in the back of the head, sending BELLMOTH flying, as his music cuts out!)

    MAYES: "FINALLY somebody put this idiot in his place...The Man in Black just stormed out here and put a beating on Bill Bellmoth...Now Eric Mateo rushes to the ring, all three men in the ring (Bell rings.) and we're under way."

    SMITH: "This is an outrage! This cheapshot attack on Bellmoth and now both of his opponents are beating on him, what a joke this is! LVW is nothing but pure corruption and it sucks!"

    MAYES: "Mateo and The Man in Black both beating on Bellmoth...Mateo now slugs the Man in Black with a right hand and another...Mateo whips The Man in Black into the ropes...SIDEWALK SLAM by Mateo, who covers! 1! 2!...NO! The Man in Black kicks out!"

    SMITH: "Get up Bill...Get after these punks!"

    MAYES: "Mateo now pushes The Man in Black into the corner and drives a series of shoulders to his gut...Bellmoth now up and Mateo DRILLS him with a right hand...Bellmoth staggers...Mateo off the ropes...RUNNING SHOULDERBLOCK just splattered Bellmoth on the mat and Mateo covers! 1! 2!...NO! The Man in Black breaks up the pin!"

    SMITH: "Well finally everyone's fighting everyone, in a fair fight these two turkeys can't hold a candle to Bellmoth as we'll soon see I'm sure!"

    MAYES: Bellmoth getting back to his feet...As Mateo and The Man in Black now are trading punches...Both men pause...Look at Bellmoth...DOUBLE HEADBUTT TO BELLMOTH! And Bellmoth drops like a stone!"

    SMITH: "Oh this is just uncalled for, why must they torture poor poor Bill?!"

    MAYES: "If he's so good he should be able to overcome a little problem like a headbutt or two...Mateo and The Man in Black now trading punches...The Man in Black getting the best of it...BEAUTIFUL STANDING DROPKICK by The Man in Black which drops Mateo hard to the mat...Bellmoth gets up...COLT 45 ON BELLMOTH!! THE MAN IN BLACK JUST NAILED THAT TWIST OF FATE ON BELLMOTH AND COVERS! 1! 2!...3! NO! NO! MATEO JUST BROKE IT UP!"

    SMITH: "Whew! Thank goodness, I'd have hate to have seen that fluke move cost Bellmoth this match!"

    MAYES: "Mateo now throws The Man in Black over the top rope to the floor! The Man in Black hit hard...Bellmoth now slowly getting to his feet...MATEO WITH A VICIOUS CLOTHESLINE! HE NEARLY TORE BELLMOTH'S HEAD OFF! MATEO COVERS! 1! 2!...3! HE GOT HIM!

    (MUSIC UP: "Black on Blue" by Kenny Wayne Shepherd as MATEO throws his arms in the air in victory!)

    HARWELL: "Here is your winner...ERIC! MATEOOOO!!!!" (Crowd cheers pretty loudly for MATEO, who celebrates for a few more seconds before he sees EL GORDO GRANDE on the rampway, wearing a black T-Shirt, blue jeans and his red mask...GRANDE holds his wrist above his head showing off the white Gold Las Vegas Championship Bracelet to the crowd and MATEO.)

    MAYES: "And the Las Vegas Champion is getting himself a bird's eye view of his challenge for next week's show...And now Mateo has climbed the second rope and is yelling at Grande...WAIT! THE MAN IN BLACK JUST GOT BACK IN THE RING...RAZOR'S EDGE ON MATEO OFF THE SECOND ROPE!! The Man in Black just PLANTED Mateo..."

    SMITH: "I dunno if he MEANT to distract Mateo or not, but Grande's heading to the back looking pretty pleased at what just happened."

    MAYES: "Well fans...A lot just happened here and we have a title match for next week lined up...Up next, it's Leisure Time with Ricky Zane!"

  7. #7
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    LVW Lucky 7's Segment 6

    GOL: “Welcome…to LEISURE TIME…I am of course, your… gentleman of leisure. And tonight we have a… (GOL gets interupted by “To Mega Therion” as the crowd flips out)

    (Ricky Zane comes out and raises both arms in the air and inhales deeply soaking in the crowd. The music starts rocking and Ricky walks steadfast towards the ring and jumps in over the top rope.)

    GOL: Ricky, hey it’s a plea…(Zane grabs the mic, stares down GOL and starts speaking)

    ZANE: You’re damn right it’s a pleasure, but you also forgot to mention its an honor, a privaledge and the highlight of your life. Now go stand in the corner out of my way and play with your little demonic television thingie and let the crowd soak in what they came here for… The epic that is RICKYYYY ZAAAAANE!!!!. (Crowd boos heavily) I made a declaration when I first showed up here. I stated I WOULD BE CROWNED world champion and it would be here, TONIGHT. Apparently some drooling idiots in the front office thought it’d be the wise thing to actually have subpar talent roll around on a mat until the least incompetant wretch came out on top. And so we have it. Our new champion, Jimmy something…. It really doesn’t matter. Because the crowd DEMANDS Ricky Zane be their champion. They pay good money to see a quality product. And after watching unbearable match after unbearable match they desperatlly need some liquid Zane INJECTED into their lives!!!

    ZANE: It became apparent to me when I was hosting Saturday Night Live promoting my brand new movie COMPLETE DECAPATATION with Frank Stallone and Pia Zadorra that making blockbuster movies and hosting unfunny sketch comedy wasn’t what I was cracked up to be. I’m here to make a difference in peoples lives. Not cutting edge, seat of your pants action flicks. And although I do both better than anybody. I know this is my calling. I can touch more lives embarassing circus oafs in Vegas than I ever could waxing religious with Tom Cruise in Hollywood.

    ZANE: Now, of course Ricky Zane didn’t come to LV.. whatever this company is called to be your run of the mill ham and egger. I signed a lucrative deal, with guarenteed championships and time off to pursue other less hands on ventures. And wrestlers need not be intimidated by the fact I’ll make more this month than the majority of them will this year. I’m here to touch lives and make this fine institution of wrestling a place where the world champion doesn’t have to moonlight as a rodeo clown to pay the mortgage on the outhouse he calls a home. I mean more to this federation than Jesus does to the millions of Muslims worldwide who worship him. But before you declare BLASPHEMY on Ricky Zane I don’t consider myself God, or A GOD, I’m something much more. You can spend forty five minutes to an hour in church listening to some sexless moron drone on about crap that may or may not have happened two thousand years ago. Or you can spend five, ten.. twenty minutes a week witnessing a moment of more than biblical proportions when you see Ricky Zane. Your uncrowned champion, defender of good and all out down to Earth guy. So fans of this mediocre federation I implore you to spend the five bucks, fill this arena, because every week its going to be an awakening, a happening. Every week its going to be more water cooler discussion material. Because you can be touched by the EPIC that is ZANIA!!!!!...

    (Ricky Zane holds hims arms out, tosses the mic to the man of leisure, pats him on the back and walks out of the ring, blowing kisses on his way back.)

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    LVW Lucky 7's Segment 7

    (FADEIN: The back where we see "Cowboy" JAMES DONOVAN, wearing his ring gear, Red trunks with red boots and knee pads. The LW World Title belt around his waist. DONOVAN walks a few paces down the hallway when the camera pans to show JIMMY TWO TIMES and "The Inferno" CARMINE ESPOSITO standing against the wall.)

    TWO TIMES: "Hey kid...That's a nice belt ya got there...Got there...Be a shame if something happened to it...Happened to it..."

    DONOVAN: "All that's happenin' to my belt is I'm handin' it to the ref, beating the crap outta Johnny Doll then havin' it handed back to me...If YOU, or your little STOOGE want to do try something, good luck..."

    TWO: "I was only speaking hypothetically...Hypothetically..."

    DONOVAN: "OK Then...OK Then..."

    (DONOVAN glares at TWO TIMES for a moment before heading towards the ring...TWO TIMES looks at CARMINE with an expression of 'can you believe the nerve of that guy?' on his face.)

    MAYES: (V/O) "Things are heating up in the back, and the World Title is on the line...NEXT!"

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    LVW Lucky 7's Segment 8

    (FADEIN: The rampway, MUSIC UP: "Pretty Vegas" by INXS. The crowd cheers as "Broadway" JOHNNY DOLL heads to the ring wearing long black trunks. DOLL looks serious, but still stops to slap hands with the fans as he gets ready for his World Title shot.)

    MAYES: "Johnny Doll making his way to the ring for what will be the first LVW World Title defense in the history of this company."

    SMITH: "I really don't have a dog in the race here Mayes, Donovan's just a joke, but Doll's so suger sweet he also makes me sick to my stomach...This is like watching a playoff game where your team will face the winner, all you're hoping for is injuries...So really if both these guys leave on stretchers is about the only way I'll be happy"

    MAYES: "You are truly sick."

    (MUSIC UP: "Bat Country" By Avenged Sevenfold as the House of Blues goes CRAZY as "Cowboy" JAMES DONOVAN makes his way to the ring. DONOVAN has a big smile on his face as he swaggers towards the ring. DONOVAN enters the ring and unstraps the LVW World Title from around his waist and holds it aloft in his right hand, prompting a flurry of photos and a couple of room keys being thrown at him...DONOVAN smiles as the reaction as he hands the belt off to head ref CESAR MARTINEZ.)

    HARWELL: "The following contest is set for ONE FALL, with a SIXTY MINUTE TIME LIMIT! And it is for the L! V! W! WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPIONSHIP!!! In the ring first, he hails from LAS VEGAS Nevada by way of New York City, New York! He is the #1 contender...He weights in at 230 pounds...Here is "BROADWAY!" JOHNNY! DOLLLLL!!!" (The crowd gives a respectable pop to DOLL who smiles and raises his arms over his head.)

    HARWELL: "And his opponent...He hails from Enid, Oklahoma...He is the L! V! W! WORLD! HEAVYWEIGHT! CHAMPIOOONNNN!!!!! "COWBOY!!!" JAMES!!!! DON! O! VANNNNN!!!" (The crowd pops big as DONOVAN stretches out using the ropes for help, he looks determined and ready for this match.)

    "Your referee for this match is Cesar Martinez."

    (CESAR holds the LVW World Title belt in the air and then shows it to DOLL before handing it off to the time keeper, the two men circle and the bell rings.)

    MAYES: "The two men lock up and Donovan just SHOVES Doll to the mat...Doll gets up and they lock up again...Donovan gets an arm bar and wrenches the arm...Doll looking for a counter and he reverses...And Donovan reverses AGAIN and sends Doll to the mat...Doll gets back up and Donovan forces him to the ropes...They have a clean break..."

    SMITH: "BORING! BORRRR-ING!"

    MAYES: "They lock up again...Doll with a go-behind...Donovan reverses...Doll trying to fight out of it...BIG GERMAN SUPLEX BY DONOVAN! Doll pops up to his feet in a daze...CLOTHESLINE! Donovan just ran him over! Doll getting back up again...INTO ANOTHER CLOTHESLINE! Donovan picks him up and hooks him...EXPLODER!!!"

    SMITH: "He's throwing Doll around...Like well...A rag doll!"

    MAYES: "Donovan all over Doll here and now he's going for the kill...He's got him up...OKLAHOMA STAMPEDE!! OH LORD HE NAILED IT!!! (Fans counting along) 1!...2!....3! I can't believe it...Just like that it's over!"

    SMITH: "Wow, He beat him so fast I couldn't even get a nap in!"

    (Bell rings)

    HARWELL: "Here is your winner...AND STILL...LVW WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION! "COWBOY!" JAMES! DONOVAN!" (Crowd pops big! MUSIC UP: "Bat Country" by Avenged Sevenfold.)

    MAYES: "I can't believe this...What a stunningly quick victory here for the Cowboy..And he's celebrating in the ring...WAIT! THE LIGHTS JUST WENT OUT...We're in pitch darkness here...What the hell?!"

    SMITH: "Dammit, the internet rumors were true, this place IS bleeding money like a stuck pig...We can't even pay the electric bill..."

    (The lights come back on and EL MAGICK-O is standing in the ring with what looks like a giant box with a curtain hanging across the front of it. EL MAGICK-O has his magic wand in one hand and a mic in the other.)

    EL MAGICK-O: "Behold ladies and Gentlemen...My greatest illusion yet...I shall now defy the Grim Reaper himself and bring back to the Cowboy...His dear, sweet, lost, Fabiola!"

    (EL MAGICK-O waves his arms in front of the box, and the curtain slowly opens, revealing a pale, run down looking man wearing a hooker's outfit with a blonde wig on...The man has a bad 5 o' clock shadow and looks about as unattractive as you could look...He hops from the box and runs towards Donovan, giving him a big hug...Going so far as to wrap his legs around Donovan's!)

    MAYES: "OH...THIS IS DIGUSTING! Donovan now BEATING THE HELL out of this FREAK Crossdresser who just tried to molest the champion...WAIT! EL MAGICK-O JUST DRILLED DONOVAN WITH THAT MAGIC WAND...THAT'S NOT A MAGIC WAND...THAT'S ONE OF THOSE RETRACTABLE BATONS!"

    SMITH: "BEAT HIS ASS! YEAH! Now this is entertainment!"

    MAYES: "El Magick-O has busted open the champion with that Baton...And now he's lifting him up...WORLD OF MIRRORS!!! OH GOOD GRIEF!!! DONOVAN BEING DESTROYED HERE!"

    SMITH: "I love it! Finally something good has happened!"

    MAYES: "El Magick-O now standing in the ring gloating...WAIT! THE MAN IN BLACK IS RUSHING THE RING! THE MAN IN BLACK IS IN THE RING AND HE HAS A CHAIR! El Magick-O leaving the ring quickly...The damage has been done...Donovan is laid out in the ring...The Man in Black now standing in the ring...Pointing at El Magick-O to leave...El-Magick-O is in fact heading back to the locker room, looking proud of what he's done...(EL MAGICK-O raises his arms over his head and the crowd gives him a send off of boos as he heads to the back.)

    SMITH: "Now that is a fine upstanding man and entertainer!"

    MAYES: "You...You are sick...Now the Man In Black is leaving the ring...And he spots the LVW World Title Belt laying on the mat...He picks it up...The Man in Black now holding that belt...Looking down at Donovan...What is he thinking..."

    SMITH: "He hasn't had the kindest of words for our champion, hopefully he'll smash the belt into his skull!"

    MAYES: "The Man in Black now finally just dumps the belt on the chest of Donovan...Earning himself a scattering of boos for it...I don't know what to make of everything that's happened here tonight folks...This has just been a wild ride!"

    SMITH: "I know what to make of it...All of this means James Donovan is a marked man and he's living on borrowed time."

    MAYES: "I don't think I've EVER agreed with you before, but this one time you MAY be right Sir Simon...Folks, we're out of time...We'll be back next week, don't you dare miss it!"

    (The camera pans to the bloody and beaten JAMES DONOVAN who is just now using the ropes to pull himself up.)

    (FADEOUT)

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