..:(- Title | Rated R Debut
..:(- Location |Detroit, Michigan

RP Here!

|Rated R Thoughts| Yep. I’m here. I’m finally here in UCW! Which is a lot better than that shithole EBWF. Even if the same guy does own it. He must have acquired a few brain cells if he decided to bring me over here. I’ve arrived here in… Detroit Michigan? Again? Weren't we just here? What the fuck is with this? I mean really, we have Alex Shelley and the boss from the same city and nobody gives a damn that we're constantly in their hometown. Well how often do we get to go to Toronto? Yeah, hardly ever, that's right. Seriously, I'm going to get with Trish and tell her to throw a bitch fit about this one, we deserve a damn show in Toronto. Yeah, I’m in a triple threat match at Wrestlemania for the UCW Title. Yeah, Ken Kennedy and Carlito come out of the wood work, but I've been here for years, and never really lived up to my full potential, but that's because like everyone, I was held back by Christian. Pompous ass... well lucky for me Shane McMahon got me my job back, and then I ditched him. I figure I'm better off without him. I mean I totally reek of awesomeness. Yeah, so totally. Not to mention that... wait... is that Christy Hemme...?

Christy Hemme: Edge, if I can have a word with you. You represent UCW tonight, what caused you to make the switch.

Edge: Boredom.

Christy Hemme: You're bored with the current EBWF product?

Edge: I'm bored with that friend stealing, piece of crap, Wes Ikeda. Dude thinks just because he has a heart attack he can leave the company to Eric Bischoff, who will all but forget to advertise my match at Wrestlemania, why, because its a UCW match, and nobody cares about UCW, but Sean Waltman, and God knows I don't like him... so whatever.

Christy Hemme: But why don't you like Syxx?

Edge: Because I'm Edge, and I simply don't like anyone. Haven't you gotten the memo Christy? I don't even like you. I hate red heads. Everytime I think of a red head I get repulsed. A woman had to be attractive and blonde... kind of like me.

Christy Hemme: How does it feel to be going alone instead of working with a tag team or stable like you have been in recent years.

Edge: Are you kidding. I was rolling with hangers on by the names of Mark Jindrak and Shane Helms. I hardly think anyone knows who they are... Mark Jindrak is that guy who did a whole lot of nothing all his career and Shane Helms is the guy that's... well know one knows what he's doing... maybe Evan Karagias knows... I hear those has beens share an apartment.

Christy Hemme: Your thoughts on Carlito?

Edge: Who? Oh that brillo pad I'm facing. If you pour water on him his hair oozes blue, it's actually very entertaining. How do you get Carlito to instantly freak out? I have the solution, the way to beat him is by running around the ring, holding your ass, and yelling Donde esta el bano?! It's gonna blow would work too but I don't speak much Spanish... so... right about Carlito. I don't know where he comes from, or what his wrestling background is, because let's face it I don't pay attention to anything other than myself. I learned that from Christian, and that kind of paid off in the end. That whiny little leech is finally gone. I was getting so tired of going out into the woods with him, and burning down bingo halls, and acting a straight up fool. *He paused.* Yeah, so what I said it. Carlito reminds me a lot of Christian. He's arrogant, he thinks he's better looking than Edge, he's from another country... *He raised an eyebrow* Okay, so maybe that's a bad point, but really... Carlito has no accomplishments to speak of. Which brings me to Ken Kennedy, not that you asked about him, but really... who is this guy, he's like a misplaced ESPN announcer. He's seriously on steroids too. I mean look at him. He's from Wisconsin too... Wisconsin, it's the state single handedly responsible for the obesity problem in America. In fact it is my belief that the great state of Wisconsin and the dairy farmers therein should stand up and apologize for their cheese, and the Packers... because seriously, what have they done lately? Christy... I'd love to sit here and chat some more, but I need to go for a walk, you know... clear my head.

|Rated R Thoughts| Or get away from this bimbo, either she's not very good at asking questions... or I'm really good at talking. So what is there to do in Detroit I think I'll go outside and see what the hell is going on. There aren't too many people milling around out here. What in the hell is there to do... what the fuck is that? Is that a giant... yes... Hmmm... Detroit. All kinds of statues of dead guys on horses and then this thing... right here outside the arena... this giant fist. The Joe Louis Fist... just a big sculpture of a hand out here in the crime capital of America. Violence is okay kids! Be like Joe! That is a statue of a giant fist I wonder, is this an exact replica of Joe Louis' fist? Did they use him as a hand model? Or are they lying and this is just some random person's hand, which would make it a whole lot less cool. I'm bored. I'm freakin' bored. What am I gonna do all night before the show starts? Do these lame ass Detroit fans even know they are supposed to come to the arena early so they can sit through a rated R promo? I saw Shannon Moore at the Slammy Awards... man he's such a fag. Almost as gay as his ass buddy Jeff Hardy. Oh, Jeff Hardy... dontcha wish your girlfriend was hot like me?! HAHA... okay glad I thought that instead of saying it, because maybe Shannon Moore isn't quite that gay after all. So I should ask the girl in wardrobe what the R on my vest stands for. My name is Edge. Maybe she didn't know that when she made my vest. I hate stupid wardrobe girls anyway. They're always trying to measure my inseam. It's not any different then it was last week sweetheart, and you don't make my pants anyway... yeah that's right. I got these pants at some trendy place. I heard Lita shops there too, but I've only met her once, and I've definitely never had sex with her... wait... why did I think that... Wes gay... Lita... gay sex... ah, it's all making sense now. Oooooh... is that my ass in that store window. That ass is Rated R... for ravishing. Unlike that... girl over there... Rated R for Repulsive. Ewwww.... People better be fucking glad I don't say half the things I think, because they would be in a world of trouble if I did. What is that tingling sensation in my pants... oh... my phone's vibrating. It's my friend Mark. He totally reeks of awesomeness too.

Edge: Hey Mark Tremonti what's up?

Mark Tremonti: Adam! What's goin' on man?

Edge: Nothing. How could there be. I'm in fucking Detroit!. Did you call to continue our incredibly intense conversation about why Gibson totally kicks the unskilled ass of Paul Reed Smith? You just don't like Les Paul's because you can't spell Henry Juszkiewicz.

Mark Tremonti: I'm from Detroit... there's a whole lot to do there, and I don't like Les Pauls because they play like shit compared to the PRS, you know this. You've played both, how can you possibly dispute it, man?

Edge: Henry Juszkiewicz. *He paused.* Hey I get to face Carlito and Ken Kennedy tonight! It's a world title shot! Could PRS make you a finish that looks like a championship belt. It should say EDGE on it. That would be flippin' sweet!

Mark Tremonti: Paul can make you a finish with anything you want on it. *he paused as well* Well... he does have his limits. I wanted him to make one with a picture of Scott Stapp being beaten with a guitar, but he refused. Something about alienating the fans or something. What the hell do Stapp fans know about guitars anyway?

Edge: Scott who? Look, my match! You got to watch it. You're going to watch right?

Mark Tremonti: You know I'm all over that shit, man. You've got them in the bag. I saw Carlito at a show a few months ago and he's probably the most uncoordinated man I've ever seen in the ring. Just be careful, man, it looks like he gets pretty sloppy out there sometimes

Edge: Yeah, the last thing I need to do is hurt my neck... or hurt anything for that matter. You don't keep all the groupies happy being a hurt shmuck.

Mark Tremonti: Believe that... I mean... wait...

Edge: Hey TREMONTI! I'll be myself next time we talk man. Just right now... new place, boring place at that. Big match... lack of friends. It's kind of... well you know I get goofy, and act a little to much like Edge and little less like Adam when I get... *He chuckled* the butterflies. Thanks for the theme music again... and I'll come to Florida and hear the new shit soon. Cool?

Mark Tremonti: You better get your ass down here soon. One of these new songs, the title we're kicking around right now is Bitch Slap... seems like it might be a candidate for a new theme song for ya. You've had Metalingus for a little while now, might be time for an overhaul soon, something to go along with that Rated R Superstar thing.

Edge: There you go again Mark. Always looking out for me. Bye man! Even though Wes Ikeda is a dirty rotten friend stealer.

Mark Tremonti: Hey... Wes is a good friend of mine, and he gives the band tons of exposure. Not to mention that he jams out like no other non musician I know...

Edge: Hey, I play a mean guitar...

Mark Tremonti: Okay, okay... you do, but Wes isn't a dirty rotten friend stealer... Myles! Myles! Put down the peanut butter. SHIT! Adam I got to go... talk to you soon.

|Rated R Thoughts| I hang up my phone. That Tremonti. Such a good guy. Good friend to have. Weird though, I thought Myles was his lead singer... maybe that's Austen... I'm confused. Although, lately I've realized that doesn't take much. Carlito, Kennedy... they're going down... and I'm going to be the new UCW World Champion. Well, I guess I better get in the arena. I'll be lucky if there are all of 2 fans in there to hear my promo, but hell it'll be Rated R... for Unedged... DOH! Thank God I'm not talking out loud again.