[CUE UP: “Zero” by Smashing Pumpkins as Dan Ryan steps out onto the stage and stares into the crowd to a loud ovation.]
DT: Dan Ryan is out here as we come back, and you gotta wonder what he’s up to?
DM: No telling. But his imprints are all over this show tonight. He’s made it a priority to see that everything runs smoothly and the fans get what they came for.
[Ryan makes it to the ring and calls for a microphone as soon as he gets in.]
Ryan: Ladies and gentlemen, tonight we have a very distinguished guest with us. And no, I’m not talking about Irish Ted….
[The camera cuts to Irish Red in the audience, shaking his head with a smirk and roll of the eyes, then back to Ryan.]
Ryan: No, this is a man who has made himself a part of the show several times over the past few months. A man who had the sheer balls to break into this company through a loophole that Paul Freeman left in a standard contract and made a spectacle of himself. And for that, I offer up my respect. So tonight….I’d like a warm welcome for…..HORNET WINZ!!!!1111 HORNET WINZ!!!!1111
[Suddenly out comes running the skinny kid dressed like Hornet from weeks past. He runs to the ring and slides in under the bottom rope, then lets out a blood curdling “OWWWWWWW!!!!!!!”. Ryan winces a bit, but doesn’t move. The kid runs the ropes and trips coming off, slamming face first to the mat, but quickly gathers himself up and stands in the middle of the ring all jumpy. The people laugh.]
Ryan: Yeah…thanks for being here.
[HORNET WINZ!!!11 smiles and gives a thumbs up, then pulls Ryan’s mic to himself.]
HW: HORNET WINZ!!!!! WHOOOOOOO!!!!!
Ryan: [frowning] Don’t do that.
[The kid mouths the words “sorry”.]
Ryan: As I was saying, you are my distinguished guest tonight. As a matter of fact, you’ve created quite a fanbase for yourself. I’ve been getting letters, getting phonecalls all from people eager to meet you. So what I did was conduct a little….oh….private contest so to speak…..whereby one lucky winner would get to meet you live in the ring here at Black Dawn.
[HORNET WINZ!!!111 smiles and kinda gayily hops back and forth from foot to foot.]
Ryan: In fact….
[The crowd just ERUPTS….as a man in a long trenchcoat and baseball cap slips through the crowd and climbs over the guardrail, then climbs into the ring behind the kid.]
DT: HOLY….
DM: CRAP…..
MN: YOU’VE GOT TO BE SHITTING ME!!!!!
Ryan: ….in fact……he’s already here.
[HORNET WINZ!!!!111 looks confused as the man behind him slowly takes off the trenchcoat. The man pulls off the baseball cap to fully reveal what everyone had already noticed….the trademark facepaint, the hair cut close……HORNET.]
DT: THAT’S….THAT’S HORNET!!! THE REAL HORNET!!!
DM: I really REALLY hope that kid has life insurance….
Ryan: Turn around, kid.
[The kid turns around and goes absolutely limp as he stares at Hornet glaring down at him.]
Ryan: Wait, did I say he was a fan? By fan I meant….not amused with your impersonation.
[Suddenly the kid gets a burst of courage and dashes into the ropes and flies at Hornet, bouncing off and catching himself on the ropes, stun-gunning himself in the process.]
Ryan: [Looking at Hornet] Paul? He’s all yours…
[Ryan smiles and climbs out of the ring as Hornet raises a fist and looks into the crowd to a thunderous ovation.]
DT: Dan Ryan has delivered this kid up to Hornet!! Perhaps the biggest star in the history of this sport!!
DM: Oh man….poor poor kid….well, I guess humor only gets you so far.
DT: Hornet over to the kid now and pulling him to his feet….HARD IRISH WHIP TO THE CORNER!!! HE’S CALLING FOR IT!!!!
[Hornet: “OWWWWWWWW!!!!!!!!!!!!”]
DT: HORNET SPLASH!! HORNET SPLASH!!!! THE KID’S EYES ARE GLAZED OVER AND HE’S JUST STUMBLING OUT INTO THE RING AND COLLAPSING IN A HEAP!!!
MN: This isn’t fair!! The kid was just having some fun!!
DM: You wanna be the one to tell that to Hornet?
MN: Uhh…..what? wait….where am I? I’ve been sleepwalking again!!
DT: Hornet over and hooking the legs!!! SCORPION DEATHLOCK!!! SCORPION DEATHLOCK!!! THE KID IS WRITHING IN AGONY AND HORNET IS YELLING DOWN AT HIM!!!
DM: This is wrestling’s version of a spanking, guys. Nothing more, nothing less.
DT: Hornet now releasing the hold and pulling the kid to his feet!! He’s got him by the hair and just tosses him over the ropes and to the floor!! I dare say this is a night this kid will never forget!!
DM: Nor will these fans!
DT: Hornet standing tall in the ring and listen to this ovation!!
[Hornet fetches his coat and climbs out of the ring, walking past the kid and throwing a smirking glance down at him as he walks up the ramp. He pauses once more at the top as the crowd salutes him once again, then goes through the curtain.]
DT: Just amazing, guys! I gotta tell ya, if you told me that Hornet…the real Hornet would be here tonight I would’ve called you crazy. The man rarely ventures out of CSWA, so this is a rare treat indeed.
MN: O-VER-RATED……O-VER-RATED….O-VER…..uh….rated….
DM: Yeah, you’re a one man chant there Neely. I don’t think you’re gonna be able to get that one started.
MN: Kiss ups.