DT: Alright guys, it's time for our main event, and I for one, am excited. MN: Why's that? We're not the ones who are going to call it. They're probably going to wheel out Kayla Wilson and Sal Scantlin any minute now to replace us.

DM: Neels, Neels, Neels, just stop it. It's my job to be edgy, and that's not edgy... that's just... Clapperesque.

DT: Ooh, can he come back with a comeback?

DM: Dave, go back to your Surge.

DT: *whimpers* Okay.

(Cue up "The Wind Below" and enter Ken Cloverleaf to MASSIVE HEEL HEAT~!)

DT: The crowd doesn't really like Kenny.

MN: And I just don't know why. He's a former Champion, and he's pulled off the greatest dupe of all time!

DM: No Neels, he was just piggybacking off Lindsay Troy, and I don't think she quite liked that.

MN: Yeah, well who cares what she thinks, she's a woman.

DM: Mysogyny much, Neels?

(Cue up "Ppr:kt" and enter AJ Cirrus to more massive heel heat.)

DM: And now, the boring Canadian.

DT: Wait, we signed Jean Rabesque?

DM: Wrong one. I forgot there were more than one.

MN: You stop besmirching the good name of AJ Cirrus. He is one of the most talented guys in the business.

DT: That is true, Mike. Cirrus coming here is a big coup for Empire.

DM: Yeah, if you think that branching out into the sedative market is a good idea.

MN: Well, it can't be any worse than your shilling week in and week out.

DM: Hey, if you could make an extra 200 bucks a week hawking sweet, delicious Florida oranges, you would too.

MN: Bastard.

DT: Be nice, Mike.

(The heels are in the ring. Cue up "Damn," enter Sensational Steven Shane to a nice pop.)

DT: And will you listen to the reaction to Sensational Steven Shane for his first in-ring appearance in Empire Pro?

MN: No. Bastard.

(Shane gets to ringside. Cue up "Jesus Walks," enter Cross to another pop.)

DT: And the number one contender to the Empire Pro Title is coming down to the ring now.

DM: This ought to be interesting. Even though Cross and Lindz are bestest friends in the whole wide world, they're still slated to face each other at Black Dawn for Troy's belt. There could be some awkwardness here.

MN: Yeah, and I hope it explodes into a preview of Black Dawn. That and allowing Kenny and AJ to win.

(Cross is at ringside now. Cue up "Money, Power and Respect, enter Lindsay Troy, EPW World Championship around her waist. Mixed reaction, mostly cheers.)

DT: And now the Champion...

DM: Mixed reaction for her too.

MN: Pansies! Get off the fence and boo her!

DM: Why Neels? Because she dared to help out a friend?

MN: Well when that friend is Cross, then yes.

DT: Alright, everyone's on the apron and we can start the match. Ken Cloverleaf steps in the ring for his team and Steven Shane will start out for his.

(DING DING DING)

MN: Am I the only one who thinks this isn't fair?

DM: YEs, now pipe down.

DT: Shane and Cloverleaf circle each other in the ring here. These guys have a lot of history. They're former best friends, A1E Tag Team Champions and now...

DM: ...and now Cloverleaf doesn't want any part of Shane. He just done tagged out.

DT: And now AJ Cirrus steps in the ring.

DM: Ooh, and I thought Cloverleaf was big and bad and wanted to teach Shane a lesson.

MN: He will, just not now.

DT: Cirrus and Shane lock up in the middle of the ring and Cirrus with a quick knee to the gut. Shane's doubled over, Cirrus with a clubbing axehandle blow to the back of the head. Shane on all fours and now Cirrus stomping on Shane's back, forcing him down to the canvas.

MN: Canadian superiority, shown once again.

DM: The match just freakin' started, Neels. Why don't you save the hyperbole for the end?

DT: Easy fellas. Cirrus with a reverse chinlock on Shane. The Sensational One's wiggling out though, he's to his feet, the chinlock now becomes a side headlock. Shane now pushes Cirrus off him. Cirrus off the ropes with a shoulder block, Shane down to the canvas again.

DM: I think Shane wanted to take out Cloverleaf so bad that it put his guard down when Cirrus came in the match.

DT: That sounds like good analysis, Dean. (DM: Of course it is) Cirrus with the half-crab now, wearing down the Sensational One.

MN: Wearing him down and wearing him out. OH CANADA!

DM: Shameless, Neels. Utterly shameless.

DT: Be nice, Dean. Cirrus lets go of the hold and now he's stomping on Shane's left leg, the leg he had that crab on. Shane holding his leg gingerly.

MN: Canadians are known for working a singular body part to perfection. Did you know that, Dean?

DM: You've been reading "Wrestling for Dummies" again, haven't you Neels?

MN: Hey, it's called "The Idiot's Guide to Wrestling" and it's a damn good book.

DT: Cirrus with Shane's legs in a wishbone set up, and now he drops the elbow right across Shane's thigh! Cirrus with the cover, hooking Shane's left leg, but no, a kick out right as the ref counts two.

MN: He's very precise.

DM: And boring. I'd have gone for the nad-shot but that's just me.

DT: Easy fellas, Cirrus Doesn't want to get himself disqualified. Cirrus picks Shane up and Shane hits him with a left hand.

MN: Closed fist! Closed fist!

DT: ...and another left, and now he's running the ropes... no! Cirrus counters with a drop toe hold right on Shane's bad knee! He's back to work with that half crab, and things really aren't looking good for Sensational Steven Shane.

DM: He needs to tag out.

DT: Well, it looks like someone wants to tag in, but it's not from Shane's team. Ken Cloverleaf is begging for Cirrus to tag him in.

MN: Yes! And finally Cloverleaf can show the whole world that Perfect is better than Sensational.

DM: Well, it's easy to do that when you're beating on a guy with a bad wheel.

DT: Cirrus breaks the hold and now he's asking Cloverleaf if he really wants in. (Cloverleaf nodding excitedly) And now Cirrus tags him in.

MN: This is gonna be great!

DT: Cloverleaf struts into the ring over Shane who's got the bad wheel. And he's mocking Shane, this crowd is letting him have it.

MN: These people wouldn't know greatness if it came up behind them, pulled down their pants and stuck its d...

DT and DM: FAMILY SHOW!

MN: ...dime in their back pocket!

DT: That was disturbing, but not as disturbing to Shane as he'd be if Cloverleaf gets him in the Texas Cloverleaf here.

DM: Well, not if he keeps taking his sweet time.

DT: Cloverleaf has the left leg and he's just mocking Shane.

DM: I wouldn't do that. I mean, it's not like Shane is totally out of it here.

MN: Well then, why is he acting like it?

(The announcers are silent as Cloverleaf bends down to grab Shane's right leg and Shane boots him in the face.)

DM: I think you just saw why. POSSUM KINGDOM~!

DT: Cloverleaf reeling back while Shane slides over to his corner and tags in Cross! Cross in like a bat out of hell, right hand, right hand, right hand! Cloverleaf's down on the canvas, and Cirrus charges in the ring, but Cross with the back body drop over the top rope! Cloverleaf up and charges in, Cross right there with a spinebuster, Arn Anderson quality!

DM: You were right, Neels. That WAS great.

MN: Shut up.

DT: Cloverleaf back up to his feet, holding his back, but Cross will not relent, Northern Lights suplex for a cover...

...one...

...two...

...but Cloverleaf kicks out.

DM: Cross is a house on fire here, a bat out of hell, an insert-your-own-wrestling-announcer-clichè here.

MN: Yeah, he's also a real bastard too.

DM: Stop hatin', Neels.

DT: Cross grabs Cloverleaf to his feet by his shorthairs and whips him hard into the ropes. Cross goes in for the Hornet Splash, but... no! Cloverleaf moves, cackling all the while, but...

(SLAP!)

DM: Sweet sassy molassy~!

DT: Lindsay Troy just tagged herself in!

DM: I don't think Cross liked that, but Lindsay's in there. She's one spunky little fireplug.

DT: Troy in with Muay Thai kicks to Cloverleaf's ribs! The former A1E Champion is reeling! Back off the ropes he's stumbling towards Troy and... SNAP HURRICANRANA from the Champion!

DM: They call that a Frank'n'Parsons down in Greensboro. But I prefer Bush's Franks'n Beans. Mmm, mmm tasty. Secret family recipe too.

(A basset hound jumps on Dean's lap.)

DOG: WOOF!

DM: Awww, good dog, Duke.

MN: I hate you Dean.

DM: Aww Neels, don't be hatin'. It's only Duke.

DT: Troy now goes down (MN: Giggidy giggidy giggidy) but... (Cloverleaf thumbs Troy in the eye) awww, c'mon ref, do something!

MN: He is, he's looking away while Cloverleaf uses the oldest heel trick in the book! BOO-YAH~!

DT: Cloverleaf escapes back to the corner and tags in AJ Cirrus. Troy's still holding her eyes, and now Cirrus comes in... could we see the Cyclone here?

MN: I hope so!

DM: Cheerleader.

DUKE: WOOF!

MN: Get that damn mutt out of here!

DT: Cirrus has Troy on his shoulders... no! Troy slinks out... REVERSE UNDERHOOK DDT!

DM: Heh, she ain't just the Champ cuz she's a pretty face.

MN: She's not pretty. She's got manhands!

DT: Troy's up and she's putting those boots to Cirrus' gut. Cirrus is on the mat holding his chest and now Troy's signaling to the crowd...

DM: This could be good...

DT: STANDING SHOOTING STAR PRESS! Holy crap, now THAT'S athleticism! Cover...

...one...

...two...

...Cirrus kicks out.

MN: Canadians don't let glitz and glamor win them over.

DM: That did not make any sense, Neels. I think you need your head checked.

DUKE: WOOF!

DM: And Duke agrees.

DT: Troy is up and she's got Cirrus in place for the FInal Jud... NO! Cirrus counters with the back body drop!

MN: Oh Canada!

DUKE: Grrr...

MN: Hey, tell that mutt not to growl at me.

DM: Then stop being such a tool.

DT: Guys, we have a match! And Cirrus just tagged in Ken Cloverleaf!

MN: Get back at the bitch!

DM: Dean, that's not a nice thing to say about a lady.

MN: Lady, schmady.

DT: Cloverleaf grabs Troy by her hair up to her feet and whips her off the ropes... BIG lariat off the Irish whip! Cloverleaf relentless, going back down and grabbing Lindsay's hair... Lindsay with a strike to Cloverleaf's chin! She's up with another one! And... oh come on, Cloverleaf's got a hold of the ref now.

MN: Well he should get him to pay attention to those damned closed fists that Lindsay's throwing.

DM: Yeah, I agree, if by closed fist you mean completely legal open palm martial arts strike.

DT: Lindsay is barking at Cloverleaf and... oh no! Cirrus has Troy by the hair! He's bending her backwards over the ropes and... club to the chest! Troy is down and Cloverleaf lets go of the ref.

DM: What a big baby.

MN: Hey, he was only trying to get justice for himself.

DT: Cloverleaf now going back to work on Troy. He's got her in the camel clutch.

MN: Just like in my fantasies.

DM: You are vile, you know that Neels?

DT: Cloverleaf's got that move locked in and he's nodding for Cirrus to come in. Cirrus puts his foot in the ring and now here comes Cross! Cirrus steps back on the apron and the ref's restraining Cross... oh no.

DM: Idiot. Cross fell for the oldest trick in the book, and now Troy's getting the stuffing beaten out of her by two guys.

MN: Hey, it's not their fault they're craftier than foxes.

DT: The ref turns around and now Cirrus scurries out of the ring. Cloverleaf turns the Champ over and covers...

...one...

...two...

...but Troy kicks out in a close call. Cloverleaf drags Troy to her feet and he's got her up in a vertical sup... NO! Troy slips behind him! Cloverleaf turns around... kick to the gut! DDT to Cloverleaf! Both are down and crawling to their corners!

MN: C'mon Kenny! Get to your corner!

DT: They're crawling, crawling... Cloverleaf tags in Cirrus, but Troy just tagged in Steven Shane! Listen to this crowd explode! Right hand, right hand, BIG RIGHT UPPERCUT from Shane to Cirrus! Cloverleaf hops in the ring, but he's cut off by Cross who tackles him over the top rope! Two on one brawling on the outside, Cirrus and Shane on the inside. Shane's whipping Cirrus into the corner, and he comes in with a Hornet Splash! And on the outside, Cross' got Cloverleaf open for a free shot. Troy winds up for a superkick... CLOVERLEAF SLINKS OUT! TROY JUST NAILED CROSS WITH THAT SUPERKICK! Cloverleaf up, but Troy catches him with a roundhouse kick that sends him to the canvas. She's over to check on Cross.

(On the inside, Shane is doing the ten-punch on Cirrus while this is happening. The exchange on the outside ends just as Shane is done with Cirrus on the inside.)

DT: Back on the inside, Shane's got Cirrus up, he's behind him and... CALIFORNIA DREAM! CALIFORNIA DREAM! Shane just nailed Cirrus with that sleeper drop! He covers...

...one...

...two...

...THREE!

(DING DING DING)

DT: Shane is celebrating on the inside, but it's the outside that matters. I don't think Shane knows his partners were in that altercation.

MN: Well, nailing Cross was the best thing that broad did all night.

DM: Neels, that broad has a name, and she could probably kick your ass too.

DT: Cross is coming to, and OH MY! He just shoved Lindsay Troy as she was attending to him! Cross to his feet, Lindsay right in his face! I think Shane noticed it now! He's on the outside, trying to get between them... but the Champ and the Number One Contender are ready to go at it! I don't think Shane can keep them apart for that long.

DM: Well he's doing his damned best to.

(Suddenly a dry ice effect appears on the stage, and as it clears Dis 3 stands cackling with a mechanical voice down at Lindsay Troy, who turns and seethes – getting angrier and angrier. In a flash of light, the smoke reappears and Dis 3 is gone – leaving only the smoke behind.)

DT: Now here comes the roving band of refs through that smoke as Troy turns her attention back to Cross... this is tense, you can cut it with a knife! Oh my, they're staring a hole through each other! Two best friends, and that title between them! Oh my, this can't be good! We'll see you next week! EPW AGGRESSION, the last one before Black Dawn...

(Fade to the Empire Pro logo and copyright info.)

FIN