(MUSIC CUEUP: Detroit Rock City - KISS) DT: They say Tag Team action is a lost art in this business, boys, but tonight AGGRESSION puts that theory to the test.

(CUTTO: The Motor City Maniacs, Ripper Robertson and Madman Max Mayhem running down the aisle, sprinting past the outstretched hands of starry-eyed children, and deeply single guys: The men who stare too long, and say everything with their loud, clumsy footwork in the dead of night. The RCA Dome setting a record for sheer depravity under one roof. Three paces behind the former GXW Tag Team champions, catwalks their manager: Paradise. Beautiful, in an approachable way. The class of lady you'd open a newspaper to see bedding 17 year-old high school students just because her marriage has run the colors of she and her husband together. A desperate wildness flushes in her eyes; she's not short on tales to tell. The Motor City Maniacs hit the ring running, bouncing off the ropes and remembering that 'kick ass' grimace and pose that struck fear in the hearts of tag teams years ago. First match back in some time. The butterflies have made a nest in their bellies, but that's what Mayhem and Robertson missed. The excitement, and the fear of falling flat on their face and having to come to grips with the reality that their careers haven't progressed where they'd thought they'd be now. Paradise tames the ring steps one heel at a time, blushing at the catcalls and cell numbers written on concession stand receipts, crumbled and tossed at her feet like roses for a Broadway Starlet. She hunches her back forward, her left foot stepping through the ring ropes. She stops for a beat when the ropes are even with her crotch. The deprived dream and hide their children's eyes. Most do. For some, it's a rite of passage that their boys see entertainers with shaddy morals clench a six-inch thick ring rope between her tanned thighs. Paradise ends the tease, skipping into the ring, and slapping her boys on the chest. Working the crowd's fucking cake.)

MN: Boy these guys look excited to be here. And why shouldn't they. A week ago they were delivering pizzas. It's been a long time between drinks.

DM: Not for me.

DT: The Motor City Maniacs have a great history, and Ryan Ryan scored a major coup by bringing them into the fold.

MN: Major coup? I've lost you Dave. Last I checked, Papa Johns didn't offer competitive wrestling on their Internet menu.

DM: Better ingredients, better pizza. And the best part is, it's true.

DT: Honestly I do like their new Pan Papa.

MN: And not the least because they're a sponsor, huh Dave?

DM: Pan Papa, wasn't he Paradise's last Dom?

DT: Guys...

MN: I saw her backstage two hours ago doing blowjobs shots with Ryan. I swear it's true. No, seriously, she's a handsome woman. Maybe the kind you take with you to a bullfight, but not necessarily your ten-year high school reunion.

(MUSIC CUEUP: Forever Young - Rod Stewart)

(CUTTO: Joey Melton, in black trunks, knee pads, boots, and a white "Fair is Fair" T-shirt-Helen Slater's Oscar Gunning face melted into the Tee. Kin Hiroshi too thrilled to be with Melton to feel as he SHOULD stepping out to Rod Stewart-embarrassed-confidently leads Joey down the aisle and to the ring. "Forever Young." Cruise didn't appreciate Stewart's opus, nor it's nostalgic spell cast on Melton. Cameron, see he was a selfish bastard. Remixes, and rare B-sides of the "Raspberries", whatever made Cruise cool in the eyes of his blog reading fans is what Melton was subjected to when Cameron drove through the night on long tours. If you can't open up and share Rod Stewart with another man, if you can't TEACH him about music like you would an ignorant soda drinker on fine wine, then there's really nowhere else the relationship can go. The Cameron Cruise Project hit their ceiling somewhere between the Playboy Mansion, and Fred's Diner in Norfolk, where Cruise shook the foundations of the Steakhouse and became the first man to ever eat the 72oz steak in one sitting. The aftermath, the two-hour ride back to their Holiday Inn Express room was the last wedge driven between friends. Melton leaving Cruise at a reststop for four hours, breezily returning at the crack of dawn as they headed to their next gig: The Grand opening of a new Piggly Wiggly in Mobile, Alabama. Fuses were shortened, and, well you know the rest. Melton picks up a mask to surprise Troy with after dinner, and Cruise gets all offensive. "YOU tried to screw me. YOU're a jeal-ass! YOU an old toad! The shame of it is, they're not even fighting over a woman.)

DM: Handsome woman. What are you saying Mike, that she'd fit nicely in a Jersey Diner?

(CUTTO: Hiroshi leap frogging the ropes, coming to rest in the ring in a Ninja ready position. Melton applauds his new partner's agility, stepping through the ropes with his left foot, pausing as the ropes even with his crotch. Joey grinds the six-inches between his legs. Grown men cry. Women fleece the scene. Kids take a mental picture that will last a lifetime.)

DT: Tag Team wrestling at its best tonight! The debut of the Motor City Maniacs, twice over, as they're put smack in the middle of the CAMERON CRUISE PROJECT'S messy divorce.

MN: My card says there are judges. I don't see no stinkin' judges.

DT: They're in a discreet location watching from the back.

DM: That's a nice way of saying, "Shut up Mike, there are no judges, and we pray it Doesn't come to a vote."

DT: You can read between the lines.

(Robertson steps down on the middle rope with his Size Clown feet and morphs from Prince Adam to He-Man, lifting mightily on the top rope, creating a wide opening for Paradise to casually exit through. Melton and Hiroshi seem to be at a difference of opinion. They're choosing to see who starts. Shake, Shake, Shake, Joey throws down two fingers, Kin as well. EVENS. Joey wins, slaps Hiroshi on the back and mouths 'give'em hell.')

DT: Motor City's finest will take on teams of Melton and Kin Hiroshi, and later tonight, Cameron Cruise and Kin Hiroshi.

DM: Outside of the fact that Robertson and Mayhem have two shots at scoring victories tonight and jumping right into the Tag Title scene, Cruise and Melton are also playing for the Championship of each other.

DT: Well-said! The judges hidden in the back are watching these matches closely, and at the end of the show, having rated both performances will call either Melton or Cruise the better performer. These two men, once the best of friends and the greatest tag team I've personally seen in years, have their pride at stake tonight.

DM: Who was the real driving forcing behind the Cameron Cruise Project? That's the issue at stake here tonight. Was Melton right? Did he carry Cruise? Or was Cruise the silent workhorse, who Melton overshadowed?

MN: And will Marlana-Evans-Black ever regain her memory, and recognize she loves Roman Brady most?

DT: Robertson and Hiroshi to start!

(CUTTO: Mayhem nervously sighing to Paradise, who slaps him playfully in the back of the left leg. He's ready for it. Just don't doubt yourself.)

DM: Cruise always started for the Project. I like Joey's strategy out of the gate. Go with what you know. Show Cruise that Hiroshi can fill his role without fail. Like that episode of CHEERS where Norm brought in a monkey to deliver the mail. Classic.

DT: Robertson and Hiroshi lock up! Kin with a knee to Robertson's gut, and now an arm bar!!

JOEY MELTON: (applauding) Get'em Kin! Get'em!

DM: Aside from having to see Kin Hiroshi wrestle twice tonight, I'm excited about this Wrestle Off!

MN: It could be worse: it could've been Cruise wrestling twice.

DM: I hear his best feature are his eyes.

DT: Hiroshi with a forearm over Robertson's right arm!

JOEY MELTON: Break it Kin! Break it! (CUTTO: Melton pulling up his black knee pads. Ready for action!)

DT: Hip toss by Hiroshi! Kin goes up top...FLYING LEG SCISSORS! And he stays with it! Submission hold right here! Melton looks ecstatic!

MN: Come on, Dave when was the last time someone submitted to the leg scissors? Wait, that's what ended your career, wasn't it Dean?

DM: Your momma gave when I had her in the same hold Neely.

DT: Robertson working to his feet. Ripper leaps out of the hold! Standing dropkick! Kin was really nailed with that one!

(CUTTO: A bored looking Melton leaping off the apron, yanking out a strand of his radiant blonde hair and tossing it into the strands. A gaggle of young woman FIGHT over it. Joey BANGS on the ring apron, urging Kin on.)

DT: Ripper ramming Kin's head into the mat like a pogo stick! Hiroshi's stunned!

MN: No, you think? The man's made a career out of passing muffins out ringside to kids, you think he's ready for full contact?

DM: Here comes Melton. Our way. Neely go play in traffic to make room.

DT: Hiroshi whipped across the ring, and off the ropes, POWERSLAM!

(CUTTO: Joey standing next to the broadcast table, being handed an extra headset. A couple behind Neely burn through a roll on their disposable camera, with luck a few shots of Melton will turn out.)

DT: The quick tag to Max Mayhem! Robertson with an arm bar on Hiroshi, Mayhem...on the middle turnbuckle...FOREARM SMASH! That arm of the Muffin Man's could be broken.

JOEY MELTON: Actually Dave he's asked me to let the cat out of the bag, Kin no longer wishes to be referred to as the Muffin Man, but rather, "The Master Of Sexual Ceremonies."

MN: Modern! I like it.

JOEY MELTON: My mother gave that one to me when I was sixteen. It's on rental to Kin. FIGHT'EM KINNY, FIGHT'EM!

DT: Kin again sent hard off the ropes, FLYING LARIAT! Two count! Joey, you almost went a match down right there!

JOEY MELTON: Nonsense Thomas. Kin's merely toying with these two apes. Oddly enough, Mike you may enjoy this, I've been told Robertson and Mayhem used to deliver Pizzas. I knew Ryan was hard up for talent, but I thought he'd at least go back to what worked. Find the same rock Cruise crawled out from under.

MN: That one is in a museum, Joey, if I'm not mistaken.

DT: DDT by Mayhem! Tag to Robertson! Good early teamwork so far.

(Both men send Hiroshi across the ring...)

DT: Hiroshi rolls UNDER A DOUBLE CLOTHESLINE ATTEMPT! DROPKICK ON BOTH MEN!

JOEY MELTON: The Master of Ceremonies in full control. Thomas that's why I'm here, and you're there.

DT: You're a foot from me Melton.

(CUTTO: Hiroshi looks over the ropes, perplexed that Joey's doing commentary.)

JOEY MELTON: Good job Kin! (thumbs up) Show'em that move we worked on last night!

DM: What move is that?

JOEY MELTON: How the hell should I know, I've never seen this kid before today in my life.

DT: An odd strategy if you ask me.

MN: Joey didn't. It worked for he and Cruise. Joey I've been meaning to ask you...

DT: Snap suplex by Hiroshi!

MN: Cruise's media guide biography says he's "Quick witted." When will we see evidence of this?

(CUTTO: Melton slipping a twenty to Neely for using the barb.)

JOEY MELTON: Neely, I've asked myself the same thing.

DT: Backslide pin attempt by Kin! Trying to win the match by himself! ONE....TWO.... (Robertson dives in to make the save.)

JOEY MELTON: Win the match by himself? Hey, who do you think is pulling the strings here?

(CUTTO: A middle-aged fan behind Joey, drunkenly standing out of his seat, asking his friend 'should I?' The old rascal, six-foot, grayish-white beard, with a gray pony tail, downs the last of a beer before laying into Joey.)

FAN BEHIND MELTON: GET BACK IN THE RING YOU OLD (CENSOR).

DM: Yikes.

MN: Mom?

DT: Fans, we apologize for that.

JOEY MELTON: Sounds like somebody's had a little too much. Neely, is that really your mom?

FAN: MELTON YOU SUCK! YOUR SISTER IS A WHORE!

JOEY MELTON: She's colorful. I like her. COME ON KIN! Next gear baby, next gear.

DT: Suplex attempt by Hiroshi blocked! Robertson BELLY-TO-BELLY!

FAN: YOU'RE OLD JOEY! YOU'RE GARBAGE! GARBAGE I SAY! HEAR ME ROAR!

DM: Hiroshi's looked good so far, wouldn't you say Joey?

JOEY MELTON: Who?

(CUTTO: The rascal, foaming at the mouth, pissed that he's not bothering Joey. He grabs the zipper on his cutoff blue jean shorts. He could piss on Joey, but he'd probably have the hell beat out of him for that.)

FAN: I LOVE CAMERON CRUIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIISE.

(CUTTO; Melton angrily turns to the fan, acknowledging him for the first time; A line was crossed.)

JOEY MELTON: Shut it, Alfie!

DT: Tag in to Mayhem, Robertson's got a hold of Kin's legs, SPRINGBOARD ELBOW DROP! What a move!

FAN: CAMERON CRUISE RULES, JOEY MELTON DROOLS!

(CUTTO: Joey cocking his right fist. He's too smart to be goaded into a lawsuit settlement, but it's almost worth the 10k. This guy is inhumane. JOEY MELTON: Get this animal out of here! Get him out!)

(CUTTO: The section of fans around Melton all begin to taunt him, proving that yes, if their friend jumped off a bridge, they would too.)

DT: Mayhem, double ax handle! Tag to Roberston! Off the ropes, DOUBLE FLYING FOREARMS, NO! Kin ducks!

(CLOSEUP: Kin stops and dives for his corner but Melton's not home.)

(CUTTO: Joey losing his cool, forcing a security officer to hold him back.

FAN: CAMERON CRUISE MADE YOU!)

JOEY MELTON: You want a fat lip!? Huh! Do you!?

FANS: (Chanting like they're at a Dodgers game in the mid 80s, and the Mets and Daryl Strawberry have come to town)

CAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMERON.

CAMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMERON.

JOEY MELTON: Damn you people! (Joey kicks at the security railing. Fake kicking a fan's ass usually works, but these dopes don't bite.) Go back to your shanties!

DT: Hiroshi trying to tag! He's desperate!

(CLOSEUP: Kin frantically searching in his corner for Melton's extended hand. Maybe he's blind, Joey's there, he's got to be. I mean, a former Tag Team Champion of the Year KNOWS the rules. When a partner needs 'out', YOU'RE THERE!)

DM: So was Neely's ex-wife.

DT: Joey! I think...

MN: Melton. Melton! Hiroshi. Tag.

DT: Knee to the back, and Hiroshi's sent through the turnbuckle! He rammed that iron post with his left shoulder!

FANS: Who's Melton's daddy? CAM-RON CRUISE!

(CUTTO: With a notepad and number two pencil in hand, writing seat numbers and physical descriptions down. JOEY MELTON: (grabbing a security officer) ALL OF THEM. OUT NOW!)

DT: Robertson has Hiroshi in a powerbomb position...POWERBOMB! Mayhem off the top turnbuckle, LEG DROP!

(HUGE pop.)

FANS: HE'S YOUR DADDY!

(CUTTO: Joey SHAKING an index finger, he means business! JOEY MELTON: Shut it!)

MN: MELTON!

DM: I wonder what the judges will say about this.

DT: ONE....TWO...THREE!! THE MOTOR CITY MANIACS HAVE JUST WON! What a debut here tonight, beating Joey Melton and Kin Hiroshi!

(SFX: DING! DING!)

(CUTTO: The ringing of the bell washing over Joey's back like cold water. He's back in reality. Tell him Kin won, right?)

DT: Robertson and Mayhem will be back later tonight!

MN: Dude, we tried to...

(CUTTO: Joey rushing to the ring, rolling through the bottom of the ropes only to watch Paradise jump in the chiseled and waiting arms of Robertson! Mayhem leaps to the second turnbuckle posing to the fans! Joey yanks the ref into a corner, DEMANDING an explanation. He's told, Kin went down, I counted one, two, three. Called for the bell. Hiroshi kicks the bottom rope and asks Joey 'what the hell? He'd heard Melton was good, no GREAT! He could sue for false advertising.)

DT: We have to take a quick break, but we'll be back! Much more to come!

(CUTTO: The Motor City Maniacs heading back up the aisle, they're 1-for the night, and conserved needed energy. Meanwhile, back at Camp Oops, Melton shoves Hiroshi, screaming at him in old Latin, or some other ancient tongue. Hiroshi won't take the blame. With luck the judges did NOT see this.)