DM: I'm not sure who this Dis in, but the man's got some serious talent both aerially and technically. I almost wanna see him move to the PPV with the title shot just so I can see what this man is made of.
DT: Take it away Tony!!
TONY FATORA: Th' following contest is a semifinal matchup for the Russian Roulette Tournament!
[Cue up: "Lose Yourself" - Eminem. The crowd's reaction is mixed as Adam Benjamin walks out onto the ramp, littering the front rows with 'BENJAMIN FOR THE GOLD' flyers.]
TONY FATORA: Introducing first... He hails from the United Kingdom... He weighs in at two hundred and forty-five pounds... ADAAAAAAAMMM... BEEEEEEEN-JAMIIIIINNNN!!!
[Cue up: "Hallowed Be Thy Name" - Iron Maiden. Parting the curtains with one arm, Dis stalks out onto the ramp to the loud mixture of crowd cheers and jeers. He tucks his hands into his pockets.]
TONY FATORA: And his opponent... He hails from Wisdom, Montana... He weighs in at two hundred and fifteen pounds... DIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSS!!!
DT: Both competitors standing at the Russian Roulette wheel, and it looks like it's Dis who's going to spin first here tonight! And there he goes! Spinning...
[The wheel spins and screeches to a halt on...]
PUNCHES BANNED
DM: I didn't even know that was ON there.
DT: And there you have it, folks - punches are BANNED in this match, and anyone caught throwing a punch will be disqualified!
MN: What? No punching? Weird!
DT: Benjamin up to the wheel.
[Smirking, Benjamin takes ahold of the wheel and spins it. It whirls and whirls before finally slowing to a stop on...]
TABLE MATCH
MN: DIIIIIIIIS!!! GET THE TABLE!!!
DT: Now THERE'S an EPW first! We've never had a table match before! Both competitors heading down to the ring as we get this contest under way!
[SFX: *DING* - Bell rings.]
DM: And you can see the stagehands setting up those tables at ringside, Dave Thomas. The first person to put his opponent through a table will advance to the finals.
DT: Dis and Benjamin going for the lock-up... Benjamin with the go-behind, and there's the hammerlock, which Dis counters to an arm-wringer... Benjamin with his own arm-wringer now... Dis flips out of it and clips the leg of Benjamin, looking for a Boston crab, but Benjamin makes the ropes.
MN: Why do they call it a crab, anyway? It doesn't even look like a crab.
DM: ...Yeah it does. Kind of.
MN: Kind of isn't good enough, DEAN!
DT: Benjamin moving back to the center of the ring. Here's the tie-up again, and Benjamin immediately with the headlock takeover. He's got the side headlock cinched in... Dis bridges up and looks to turn it into a BACKSLIDE - Benjamin flips through, and there's the quick snapmare! Looking for the headlock again...
MN: ENOUGH WITH THE HEADLOCK!
DT: -Dis flips Benjamin over his shoulder, now locking in that Fujiwara armbar, but Benjamin fights to his feet. There's the reversal and the hammerlock by Yours Truly. Dis trying to fight out... gains some momentum and drops to his tummy, sending Benjamin to the canvas with him, and now Dis is looking for the anklelock.
DM: The pace of this match might seem boring to a lot of people out there, but to those of us in the know this is a chain-wrestling CLINIC. Just LOOK at the smooth transitions these guys are pulling out. They're taking any opening they can find to try and dig themselves a foothold.
DT: Dis looking for that anklelock - Benjamin rolls through with the drop toehold and is looking for the side headlock again, going to the neck. He's got it... Dis fighting out, though... Dis to his feet, and THERE'S the back suplex to Adam Benjamin!
DM: There. Opening.
MN: Benjamin made a mistake that time!
DT: Dis bringing Benjamin to his feet by the hair... Reels back for a PUNCH BUT STOPS HIMSELF... Instead the knee lift to Benjamin, and the body slam rocks Yours Truly!
DM: Close call there for Dis, Dave Thomas. He would've been disqualified had he thrown that punch.
DT: Looks like Dis is firmly in control of this matchup as he picks Benjamin off the mat... Whips him into the corner and scores with the body splash! Now the big Northern Lights suplex out of the corner! Benjamin is reeling, and Dis is heading to the floor to grab the wood!
MN: It's table time!
DM: Might be a little too early for this...
DT: Here comes Dis with the table now... Sets it up in the corner and goes to pick up Benjamin but BENJAMIN WITH THE JAWBREAKER! Dis is stunned - and Benjamin NAILS him with the big DDT!
DM: See, Dis spent too much time getting that table! Gave Benjamin the break he needed to recover!
DT: Benjamin now, picking up Dis by the mask... Goes to wheel him towards the table but Dis puts the breaks on! Benjamin trying again - reels Dis in, and there's the TILT-A-WHIRL SLAM!
MN: Ooooooooh, spinny.
DT: Benjamin looks to be in the driver's seat now as he drops a knee across the sternum of Dis. Picks the masked man up again... whips off into the ropes and swings behind him, and OH WHAT A HUGE GERMAN SUPLEX! Benjamin holds on - ANOTHER GERMAN SUPLEX ROCKS DIS! STILL GOT THE ARMS LOCKED - A THIRD GERMAN SUPLEX AND BENJAMIN FINALLY RELEASES!
DM: OUCH! Dis' neck has got to be KILLING him after those BRUTAL Germans!
MN: Benjamin was throwing Nazis!
DM: ...
MN: You SAID brutal Germans!
DM: I hate you.
DT: Benjamin going to the outside now... grabbing a table from the floor. Chucks it back into the ring and it LANDS ON DIS' BACK! OW!
DM: Whoa-ho-ho! That was a BRILLIANT move by Benjamin!
MN: FALLING TABLE! WATCH OUT!
DT: And here comes Yours Truly, picking up the table and beginning to set it up in the center of the ring... he's got it! Sets Dis up... Could see a BODY SLAM THROUGH THE TABLE - NO, Dis floats out behind Benjamin and NAILS him with the inverted DDT!
MN: Ooh! That had to sting!
DT: Both men coming slowly to their feet... BENJAMIN LOOKING FOR A PUNCH BUT STOPS HIMSELF - BUT DIS CAPITALIZES AND SCORES WITH THE JUMPING DDT!
DM: OW! Benjamin almost forgot, and the hesitation cost him big!
DT: Now the momentum shifts back to Dis! The masked man bringing Benjamin to his feet! Whips him into an empty corner - Benjamin stumbles out and gets NAILED with the belly-to-belly! Benjamin up again - POWERSLAM by Dis, narrowly missing the table!
MN: Came within INCHES!
DM: That could've been over right there, Dave.
DT: And Dis bringing Benjamin to his feet again... Setting him up for a POWERBOMB... BRINGS HIM UP... GOING TO PUT HIM THROUGH THE TABLE... BENJAMIN FLOATS THROUGH AND LANDS ON HIS FEET, BUT DIS JUST DDTS HIM TO THE CANVAS!
DM: Ooh! That was VERY close to being over, but Benjamin countered and forced Dis to drill him in the other direction!
DT: Again Dis pulls Benjamin off the canvas... Whips him off into the ropes, but Benjamin DUCKS the leg lariat! Benjamin on the rebound - HEADSCISSORS BY DIS TAKES BENJAMIN TO THE MAT!
MN: Oooooh! Nice!
DM: Benjamin's in REAL trouble!
DT: Dis eyeing that table now... Calling for a FLAPJACK! Whips Benjamin off into the ropes again - Looks to catch him - OHMYGODBENJAMIN PULLS THE SHINING WIZARD OUT OF NOWHERE!!!
DM: DIS TELEGRAPHED IT! HE SCREWED HIMSELF!!!
MN: IT'S SO DONE!!!
DT: Dis is LIMP here! Benjamin setting Dis up in the headscissors - Calling for the POWERBOMB! TRYING TO PULL DIS UP BUT DIS WON'T BUDGE!
DM: He's trying! He's... GETTING IT!
DT: BENJAMIN GETS DIS UP - DIS FLOATS OVER AND LANDS BEHIND BENJAMIN, BUT BENJAMIN CATCHES HIM WITH THE KNEE TO THE GUT! WHIP INTO THE ROPES BY BENJAMIN! LOOKING FOR THE POWERSLAAAMMM - DIS SNEAKS BEHIND HIM - WAISTLOCK - GERMAN SUPLEX BY DIS - AND BENJAMIN CRASHES THROUGH THE TABLE HEADFIRST OUT OF NOWHERE!!!
[SFX: *DING* - Bell rings.]
DM: That came out of NOWHERE!
MN: WHOA!
TONY FATORA: Here is your winner, advancing to the finals of the tournament... DIIIIIIIIIIIIISSSSSSSS!!!
DM: Mystery Man does it again!!
DT: You may get your wish, Dean as Dis takes care of former Intercontinental Champion Adam Benjamin, but he'll have to get past Clapper first.
DM: Clapper is absolutely tough as nails. It's gonna be an interesting clash of styles next week in San Antonio.
DT: We've got to take one last break, but when we come back - Cross! Beast! One on one! NEXT!
[Cut to a commercial for Dingle Berry Muffins.]