TONY FATORA: Th' following tag-team contest is scheduled for one fall!

[The haunting opening notes of "Dark Machine" by Paul Oakenfold cue up, and the lights in the arena go out; the GlobalTron lights up with an image of Christian Sands gazing down from a distance, his face illuminated as if by car headlights through a window. After the first fourteen seconds of the song, a red strobelight kicks in. Smoke machines begin blowing a drifting mist horizontally across the ramp as Christian Sands emerges, striding down the ramp with the mist curling about his feet. He pauses for a moment, waiting; at that, Lindsay Troy emerges alongside him. The two nod to each other and start down the ramp, each vaulting into the ring, Sands over all three ropes, Troy sliding under the bottom. They head to their corner and start talking strategy.]

TONY FATORA: Introducing first, at a combined weight of four hundred and forty pounds... They are the reigning and defending Empire Pro Wrestling Tag-Team Champions of the Worrrld... CHRRRRRRISTIAAAAAN SAAAAAAANDDSSS AND LLLLLLINDSAAAAAY... TROOOOOOOOOOOOYYYY!!!

[As the first chords of Rammstein's "Links 2-3-4" blast out, the lights go out, a red and blue lights pulsing on the stage with the shrill rising betweenchords. As the drum joins the guitars, spotlights fall on the entrance way. As the song gets going after fourteen seconds, pyrotechnics fly from the sides of the entrance, and Blitz stands on the stage. When the words start up, there is another pyrotechnic explosion, and the two men walk down to the ring, Jecht and Max stepping over the top rope, standing in the centre of the ring as another explosion, from the posts, cues the lights to come back up, as the music fades, ready for their opponents.]

TONY FATORA: And the challengers, being accompanied by Leonard Johnson... At a combined weight of six hundred and sixty two pounds... They are Jecht and Max... BLLLLLLLLLLITZ!!!

DT: You have to believe that it's put up or shut up time for Jecht and Max here tonight. These two have tried and tried to get their shot but always come up just a bit short. Tonight could very well be their chance to prove themselves.

MN: I can never get over the huge Final Fantasy X fixation these two have.

[SFX: *DING* - Bell rings.]

DT: And it looks like it'll be Sands starting with Jecht here tonight. You have to think the champions might be treading carefully given the size and strength advantage Blitz bring to the match.

DM: But that's where technique comes in, Dave Thomas. Both Sands and Troy know their technique and they know how to take on opponents of any shape and size. Blitz might be big and loafy, but the champs have the know-how to balance it out.

DT: Circling, and Jecht coming in for the punch... Sands hooks the arm and armdrags him to the mat quickly. Jecht up, looking for a right hand, but Sands ducks back and points at him with a chuckle.

MN: Ha! Playing possum!

DM: There's the mind games coming into play. Sands is trying to get inside Jecht's head, catch him off guard.

DT: Looks like Jecht's a little annoyed as he approaches Sands again... looking for a test of strength. Sands looks to reciprocate... but jabs Jecht in the eye with his thumb, then boots him down to a knee!

DM: Dirty trick by Sands, but VERY effective.

DT: The former World's Champion now going to work on Jecht, pounding on the top of his head with the big right hands. Jecht fires one back - Sands just knees him right in the teeth! Sands backs into the ropes - rebound, and there's the running knee to the head of Jecht, knocking the big man on his bottom - and Sands continues to the opposite ropes, rebounds, and scores with the rolling neck snap!

MN: Man, that was calculated! Sands is picking Jecht apart like mad!

DM: That's the Sands advantage. The man is a calculating machine. He'll set you up and take you down. There's no wasted motion, there's no needless finagling, he just sets you up and tears into you like a rabid dog.

DT: Sands firmly in control here, dropping the big leg across the neck of Jecht. Now scoops him to his feet and whips him off into the ropes - oh, big clothesline on the rebound, but Jecht's somehow still standing! ...Well, not for long, as Sands grabs him by the hair and pulls him up, dropping him with the vertical suplex!

DM: Beautiful suplex, just beautiful. Textbook. Incredibly crisp.

DT: Again Sands bringing Jecht up off the mat - hooks him up, and there's the big Northern Lights suplex. The bridge - no, Max comes in and breaks up the cover before the referee can get to two!

MN: He should use his Omnislash! That'd do it!

DM: No more Final Fantasy for you, young man!

MN: But I want Mithra!

DM: ...You are SO lame.

DT: Sands comes to his feet quickly - WALKS OVER AND SLUGS MAX IN THE FACE SEVERAL TIMES, KNOCKING HIM OFF THE APRON! Turns around - but Jecht is up and Sands walks RIGHT into a HUGE lariat! Jecht scoops up the former World's Champion... rotates a hundred and eighty degrees... wow, BIG body slam from one half of the challengers, and this crowd is beginning to get behind Blitz!

MN: I never woulda thunk these guys would get cheered.

DT: Jecht now on the attack, whipping Sands into the ropes... takes him down with the big boot! Now jumps onto the rope himself... SAILING THROUGH THE AIR... AND HE SCORES WITH AN ASAI MOONSAULT OF ALL THINGS, AND THIS IS A THREE HUNDRED AND FIFTY POUND MAN!!

MN: Well, I'll be damned!

DM: Holy hot crap!

DT: The cover by Jecht! One - TWO - No, Sands kicks out!

DM: That was a REALLY crisp moonsault by the big man, but it wasn't enough to take Sands out of commission.

DT: Either way, it looks as if Jecht is in control here as he makes the tag over to Max. The two big men hooking up Sands - and there's the double suplex! Max with the cover - One - TWO - Sands kicks out, but Max immediately pulls him up and hits the big DDT! Holding on in a front facelock chokeout for a moment, but Sands manages to break free and turn it into a side headlock - Max rolls through, trying for an armbar, but Sands keeps the headlock cinched in, and it looks like he might be back in control.

DM: That was a mistake by Max, Dave. Max tried to get technical, and getting technical with Christian Sands is like coming to a gunfight with a knife.

DT: Sands with that headlock firmly cinched in... now bringing Max to his feet. Max fighting it... BRINGING SANDS UP FOR THE BACK SUPLEX BUT SANDS SWINGS HIS WEIGHT FORWARD AND CONNECTS WITH THE BULLDOG!! And there's the tag to Lindsay Troy... Sands hooking Max by the arms, and Troy pummeling him in the face and chest with big jabs and kicks!

DM: Great teamwork by Sands and Troy there.

MN: ...In bed.

DM: ...No.

DT: Now Troy taking over controlling the much larger Max... hooks him by the head and scores with the snapmare, then runs the ropes and SLIDES back into him with the low dropkick, catching him in the jaw with her boots! Max hits the mat hard and holds his jaw, only for Troy to nail him with the front flip legdrop! Troy to the ropes - ASAI MOONSAULT connects! The cover - One -

TWO -

Max JUST gets the shoulder up!

DM: That was a relentless assault there by Lindsay Troy.

MN: ...In bed.

DM: No! Wrong!

DT: Another kick to the head there by Troy, and now waiting for Max to get up... Jecht cheering on his partner - but Troy RUNS over and NAILS JECHT IN THE TEETH WITH A ROUNDHOUSE, sending him plummeting off the apron! Max to his feet - Troy comes off the ropes and scores with the spinning headscissors! There's the tag to Sands... HE'S GOING UP TOP... AND COMES DOWN WITH THE FLYING ELBOW ACROSS THE THROAT OF MAX! The cover!

One!

TWO!

NO! Kickout by Max!

DM: Resilient, ain't he?

DT: Sands pulling Max up off the canvas... Whip to the ropes - big huge boot by the champion, and Max is reeling here! Sands moves in - GERMAN suplex! And another! Hooks the arms, and the TIGER SUPLEX just ROCKS Max as Sands holds on for the bridge!

One!

TWO!

THRNO! Max gets out of it!

MN: Man! These guys ain't quittin'!

DM: I think Max and Jecht have fires going under their asses tonight. They know this is their chance to prove they're not screwups.

DT: Up comes Sands now, hooking up Max for another tiger... BOOSTS HIM UP BUT MAX HOOKS HIS ARMS AROUND SANDS AND ROLLS THROUGH FOR A CRADLE!!!

ONE!!!

TWO!!!

NO! Sands kicked out! Both men up - CLOTHESLINE by Max connects, and he LUNGES into his corner and tags Jecht in!

MN: OH SNAP!

DT: Jecht in like a house afire - BIG CLOTHESLINE connects! Sands up - Another clothesline by Jecht, and he boots Troy right off the apron! Now scoops Sands off the mat - CHOKESLAM! CHOKESLAM! JECHT IS ON THE WARPATH AND THESE FANS ARE ON THEIR FEET CHEERING!!!

[CROWD: BLITZ BLITZ BLITZ BLITZ BLITZ]

DM: I never thought I'd see that! These people are going wild! They want to see Sands and Troy go down hard!

DT: Jecht waiting for Sands to come to his feet - BOOSTS HIM UP - POWERBOMB CONNECTS!!! LOOKING FOR A PIN - BUT TROY SPRINGBOARDS IN OFF THE ROPES AND CATCHES THE BIG MAN WITH THE HURRICANRANA OFF THE TOP!!!

MN: Wow! That was SLICK!

DM: The referee's losing control of the match!

DT: Now Max in! LARIAT for Troy, knocking her right out of her boots, and now both members of Blitz are up - but Sands is up too and he DRILLS MAX WITH THE BELLY-TO-BELLY SUPLEX, ONLY FOR JECHT TO WHIP HIM INTO THE CORNER AND SLAM HIM! Whips him to the opposite corner! BODY SPLASH! Boosts him up for the JECHT BOMBER - SANDS COUNTERS INTO THE SANDMAN'S CLUTCH BUT HE CAN'T GET JECHT DOWN!!!

DM: Jecht's fighting it off! He won't drop to the canvas!

DT: Troy coming in now! KNEE to the gut of Jecht - But Max grabs her by the hair and slams her down! Punch for Sands! SUPLEX now! Troy up - KICKS JECHT RIGHT IN THE GUT! ALL FOUR COMPETITORS ARE JUST BRAWLING INDISCRIMINATELY AND REFEREE ROSENKRANTZ HAS THROWN OUT THE MATCH!!!

[SFX: *DING* - Bell rings.]

TONY FATORA: Ladies and gentlemen, this contest has been ruled a double disqualification!

DT: This is a damn battle zone! Everyone's brawling - but thank God, here comes EPW Security to break it up. But what a match, guys. I thought Blitz was going to pull it off.

MN: They came closer than I thought!

DT: Folks, we've got to take a break, but when we come back we've got more action in store! Don't touch that dial!

[Cut to a commercial for EPW Aggression 2 on Playstation 2.]