View Full Version : MILES on the beach

02-21-02, 07:13 PM
(FADEIN: 'COCKY' CRAIG MILES standing outside in the sun at a San Diego beach. He's not wearing anything, but his yellow-shaded oakleys and Hawaiian printed style swim suit that goes below the knees. It looks like he just came out of the ocean 'cause his hair is slicked back. The quintissental Newport cigarette dangles from his lips...)

MILES (in baby ga-ga voice): "Did little Cwissy and little Simey see somethin' they didn't like yesterday? Oh...and now they have a wittle, little itty-bitty plan to make it alllllll better..."

MILES takes a huge puff on the cigarette and tosses the cig into the sand...

MILES: "There's a sayin' you two Brits better get accustomed to before we spill more of your blood than an Exxon Oil Tanker in Alaska. 'You make your bed, you lie in it.' See, what that saying represents is that if you're gonna come out and cost a Professional a match, we're not gonna come on TV and whine and cry about it. No, very COOLY we're gonna stick it to 'ya where it hurts. If the CS Express didn't want a PROFESSIONAL answer from Anniversary, they shouldn't have stuck their noses in what's NOT their business. See, what their business should be is staying back at their Florida retirement home and not preventing the fans, contrary to your beliefs, from what they wanna see - GOLD AROUND OUR WAISTS. See, there's two strikes on your respective bodies right now. The first strike came when Raw Deal decided to save your butts from Total Recall. The second strike was when the CS Express aided your escape from a PROFESSIONAL COURTESY. See, this ain't 1984 boys. The fans don't want to see two pretty boys like the CS Express or Simply Stunning prancin' around like little fairies and dispensing goody gumdrops to every sex starved, fat, obese woman on this planet. This is 2002, boys. The fans want to see a REAL team like THE PROFESSIONALS walk down that ramp and wipe whatever prissy smile you got right off your face. Only we don't stop there. At Primetime, you're gonna bleed like stuck pigs and cry like the Nancies you've always dressed up at home as..."

"Now, I don't know where you two started thinkin' that yer all tough and (BLEEP), but I think the shoe better be on the other foot before you start callin' anyone a CO(BLEEP) sucker. Last time I checked, The Pros weren't the team talkin' ambigously about hittin' those clubs. What kind of clubs, boys? We've heard the scoop on your club wardrobes. Nothin' but construction outfits, sailor outfits, indian headdresses. I won't even ask nor imagine the pains your posteriors must wake up with in the morning. And honestly, it's neither here nor there 'cause not that there's anything wrong with it, but you two ain't nothin' but a pair or prisses beggin' to get smacked around."

"Now don't get me wrong, I think its great the CSWA hires minorities like yourselves. But that doesn't mean you get to go back on your word for what this match was all about in the first place. See, the point of this ROOFED CAGE was to have a match that didn't require plans or interference. Of course I should've realized you two would never be MEN, so if you wanna play games - LET'S PLAY BALL PROFESSIONALLY. You think you can one-up THE PROS? You think you outwit, outclass and outsmart the two men that drop science harder than Einstein? Listen girls, what you're walkin' into in San Diego is a MAN's game. And if you two are MAN enough, you'll leave Raw Deal, the CS Express and whatever dollhouse plans you've got back in the U.K. But since its obvious that you two becoming MEN was decided genetically a long time ago, or so they say...then let's PLAY THE GAME. Whatever you got 'HOT PROPERTY' and the 'COCKY' one will have one more for ya'. Whatever you bring the INNOVATOR and DOMINATOR will bring back harder. Whatever shot you take, we're gonna smack back harder. This ain't no Suicide Squad you're walkin' up against, and this ain't no mid-card talent either. I've worn so much gold yer moms wanted her mouth capsized by me. As for 'HOT PROPERTY', I hope you *DID NOT* just call him mid-card. (MILES shakes his head) 'Cause that just means you're in for a world of pain, girls."

"You talk about what the fans want, like you have a tab on what's HOT and what's NOT. The only thing you two keep tabs on are each other's nutsacs bein' inside some yellow-toothed greased up Brit's mouth. What you've known all along and what the world realizes is that THE PROFESSIONALS are where it's at. We're Coke Classic and the New Generation all rolled into one fine refreshment. WE'RE COOL, WE'RE BAD and after Primetime, no matter what fruity drink concoction you try to make, WE'RE GONNA BE GOLDEN."