View Full Version : JA vs. Dodd

11-21-04, 02:31 PM
IC title on the line - the war to settle the score!

11-21-04, 03:37 PM
[Fade in:
Sebastian Dodd is gathering up his belongings to clear out of his hotel, he's dressed in his usual non-wrestling attire of jeans, sneakers, and a t-shirt bearing a catchy slogan, in this case "I Need Excederin". He stops what he's doing and gives a brief summary of his feelings...]



And Ratings. I guess that's what it's all about in this business these days, but as long as the people out there are willing to eat it up, I suppose that there will always be a market for Sebastian Dodd vs. JA. I guess there's really not a whole lot to say that hasn't been said between us, is there Champ? You don't like me. I loathe you...

You like to make fun of my name in stupid ways, I like to say that you're a hypocritical hack. Quite the relationship we have. And yet, as much as we detest one another, it seems like, at least in EPW, that our careers will always be intertwined. Wrestlers look for years, and years, and years before they find that one feud that will make or break their career...I'd say that in some ways JA, WE'VE already found ours.

And this grudge match that EPW has signed for the start of their Texas tour...gives us BOTH the chance to get what we want. You have never, ever, in any match we've been in together, found a way to make me submit, to pin my shoulders to the mat. And...in my most important encounter with you, with the Title that I covet, that I deserve, that I SHOULD HAVE IN MY HANDS RIGHT NOW on the line...I failed to pin you...I failed to make YOU tap out. It's incredible to me that I was unable to beat you that day...I don't plan to let that happen again. And while I'll admit that maybe this encounter won't quite be the epic that the fans out there are looking for, I'm still feeling the effects of a concussion, and your knee isn't 100%...well, I'll dare say right now JA, that you and I are going to steal the show.

Sure, I think that you've turned a big mouth and thimblefull of talent into a career here in EPW...but I also am smart enough to realize thanks to Cross that I'm not unbeatable. I'm smart enough to grasp the fact that while I'm technically superior to any wrestler in this company today...that sometimes that technical superiority isn't enough. Sometimes it's drive, determination, and heart...and while your exterior posturings and idiocy would lead me to believe that you're just a shell of a man, a horse's @ss...and a cretin...I also realize that maybe I underestimated your heart JA. And no, I don't expect you to laud me about how you underestimated me, I have no doubt that this week will continue to be a war of words between the two of us, as opposed to a lovefest...allow me to say that you deserve more credit than I've given you.

That said JA...while I am going to give you credit...I'm also going to give you the wrestling lesson of a lifetime. I'm also going to put you on quite a diet...you're going to lose over 10 pounds of gold in one match...even Jared Fogle himself would be jealous of your remarkable weight loss.

JA...I am coming for you...The Messiah of EPW is coming. Cross killed Sebastian Dodd as you knew him...

But come Aggression...I will rise.

Aggression is my RESURECTION!


11-22-04, 06:12 PM
We're standing by in JA's locker room, where the Anglo Luchador stands in front of a giant likeness of the Buddy Christ, IC title strapped around his waist and holding a noose.

JA: You know, I've never once contemplated taking my own life. I have it pretty good. I'm doing what I love, and I'm among the best at what I do. I have a hot, sex-crazed girlfriend. I even have my own Ee-Pee-Dub tee shirt which you can get at fine Empire Pro Events around the country, or for $19.95 plus shipping and handling from the Empire Catalog.

But then, Botsie, I listened to what you had to say, and I grew deeply troubled. I had these thoughts I never had before. It was right at the part where you said that... our careers would be forever... entwined.

I almost lost it. In fact, those words made me think about something drastic, something dire. They made me think of putting this noose around my neck and having Beast pull up as hard as he could.

I wondered, what did I do wrong? Why did I deserve to suffer by facing off against you, Salmacis Dudd, every other week of my Empire career at best? Or better yet, who did you have to blow to keep getting shots against me?

But then I realized something. I realized that the Promo-bot 7500X was malfunctioning a bit, and that there's only one reason why this match was taking place.

Because you are right in one respect. I haven't pinned you or made you submit. I figure once I do that, everyone will realize that you are not nearly in my league and we can both get on with our careers; me with wrestling other top guys around here, and you with annoying people and blaspheming and generally writing your ticket to Hell.

I mean, yeah, who really cares that I knocked you out at WrestleVerse I and made you a non-factor for the remainder of our match with Jonny Commie. Yeah, that wasn't an accomplishment at all. ANd let's forget about last week's Aggression. The only mistake I made was that I pinned the erstwhile Boogie Smallz and added the uncrowned [BEEP] World Championship to my list of titles won instead of pinning you.

No, I guess you, the technologically disadvantaged robot must get off on technicalities. Which is fine. I don't mind proving myself again and again, I mean, what, getting the pin and moving fluidly on a bum knee last week just isn't enough in some people's eyes. By the way, the knee's still a bit hobbled, which ought to make it even more impressive after I keel-haul you on it.

And besides, no one likes a false prophet either. I mean, besides, Priest played that gimmick a lot better than you have before he decided he'd walk out and let the door hit him on the ass. But anyway, no one likes it, especially not my pal Jesus back here. You know, pissing off the Christ isn't the best thing to do, especially seeing all that punishment he can absorb and still get up and kick devil ass. I mean, did you see The Passion of the Christ, Botster?

So while you claim that the old Salamander Dumbb died with your MONUMENTAL OH-EM-GEE CUM FIRST LOSS to Cross, it's clear that the man who is seemingly brand new and not annoying that replaced him may just be the new boss in name, but he's the same as the old boss. Whether it's Kenny Lombardo's Hero or the Messiah, it still stinks like poo to me. And once I scoop that poo up with my Poopah Scoopah and dump it out, then, well, I'll know that I will have proven myself and not have to face you anymore.

That's enough right there to chase my suicidal blues away!

JA throws his noose behind him over the statue of Buddy Christ as the camera fades to the Empire PRo logo.

11-23-04, 08:32 PM
[Fade in:
New York, New York.
Sebastian Dodd is on the steps outside of his apartment complex, looking out onto the streets of New York, he's dressed in his usual non-wrestling attire of sneakers, jeans, and a t-shirt bearing a catchy slogan, in this case "And they call ME boring." He takes a deep breath and begins.]

"I never really expected anything more of you JA. I didn't expect you to give me any kind of credit, I didn't expect you to really do anything other than call me a robot or S...etc, D...etc. Why should I really? As much as you like to call ME repetitive, any of our many encounters, has always involved you doing that. You call me names, and call me repetitive. YAWN. It's all you've got. You're the same one-trick pony that I've said you were all along. As a matter of fact, I'm beginning to think that you shortened from Jerichoholic Anonymous to JA because you couldn't remember what your OWN name stood for. So if it'll make it easier for you, and your limited brain function, you can refer to me as as SD...if that makes it easier. And I can just see it now, that smile creeping across your face, imagining calling me sTd...but if you have to go there...then so be it, I wouldn't expect anything less. But hey...I'm at least smart and humble enough to give credit where it belongs, you have heart.

You are not a tin-man. You are however, a scarecrow. Clearly, you lack a brain. See, while you're out here calling me blasphemous, you yourself are parading around with a "Buddy Christ". A visage of the Lord himself from a satirical movie...hysterical...but satirical, mocking the very visage of Christ himself on the cross as too much of a downer. Now while you think that my calling myself a Messiah is blasphemous, I see it in the opposite way. I see myself as a walking monument, as someone who is willing to sacrifice, work hard, and deal with all of the idiotic insults thrown my way. I am willing to go through anything and everything that you might be willing to throw at me, and I see that as a testament to the Christ himself. Imitation is the sincerest form of flattery.

But that said, JA, I was terribly sorry to hear that you even for one minute contemplated suicide. Believe me, the world would be better off without you, but I, as much as I hate dealing with you, still would hate to see anyone, even you, take their life. I understand that you are in a bad spot, you've got to face me one on one, and you are well aware of the fact that you haven't a chance to beat me. You claim that I'm not in your league...and you are absolutely right. In terms of talent, ability, and intelligence, I am so far out of your league that you probably can't even fathom it. Maybe you're more entertaining than me, but so be it. I'll settle for being in a different league, less entertaining, as long as I can be in a different league, WAY more talented. It pains me more than it pains you to know that our careers will forever be intertwined in EPW, I'd much rather have someone point to a series of technical classics, or a series of interviews featuring intelligent banter between myself and an intellectual equal, as opposed to someone calling me a robot, and me trying to draw something even remotely intelligible out of him. But I digress. I've grasped the fact that the animosity between the two of us will draw ratings, and will garner attention, and as a result will be at the forefront of the industry.

I'm well aware of your knee injury, I made mention of it, the first time around. So don't play the poor me card, and make the excuse right now. I've got a concussion, I shouldn't have been in the ring last week, but I was. So the way I figure it, we're on even ground injury-wise...so it's basically down to two things, heart...and talent. I respect the fact that you've got a ton of heart...but I still don't think that you've got more heart and desire than me. I want that title more than anything I've ever wanted in my life...and you, you just want to continue on with your juvenile insults, and sophmoric humor...hell, you even went out and threw some gay remarks out. That was REALLY clever...who did I have to blow...heh...wow. Hey, maybe next you can tell me I'm retarded...or you can tell me that I'm fat, or stupid, or...well, you get the idea. And that's fine JA...but it's not going to sustain you in this business...

And it's not going to let you retain the IC Title. Because you don't have the heart...or the talent to overcome Sebastian Dodd. You can't take an easy way out and pin someone else. There's no John Marx. There's no Boogie Smallz. It's just you...

And ME.

So come out here JA, and cut your traditional Mad Lib Promo...where it's the same cookie cutter promo it always is, with some new names...and I'm going to refute each and every idiotic part of it, as I always do.

But none of that is going to matter.

What's going to matter is what happens at Aggression...I finally get the one on one shot at the Intercontinental Champion that I earned by tossing YOU over the top rope...and you finally get the one on one shot to shut my mouth. JA, you want to beat me, you want to pin me, and end this association between our careers...


You want to move on past Seb Dodd and move on to "top guys"...


Because I'll put it on the line...we can have it in the contract...if you find a way to make me tap out, if you find a way to pin my shoulders to the mat...for as long as you are the Intercontinental Champion...I will never...and here's the part you'll really like...

EEEEEEEEEEEEVER...set foot in the ring with you again.

And WHEN I win...

You can still have a rematch...because I am a kind...generous...and giving Messiah. See you soon JA...see you soon.


11-25-04, 01:57 PM
Back in JA’s locker room, we see a press table set up in the middle of the room in the ominous shadow of Buddy Christ. Set on this table are two Swanson Hungry Man ® turkey dinners. At one place is a bottle of Yuengling, and at the other is a glass of wine. On camera walks JA and Lollipop both holding onto a wishbone.

JA: Are you ready?

Lolli: Tell me what you wish for first.

JA: That defeats the purpose of it being a wish though. It’s between you and the bone, babe.

Lolli: Come on. Can’tcha just tell me?

JA: If I tell you then it won’t come true.

Lolli: C’mon, I’m sure the fates can make an exception for your girlfriend.

JA: Okay, okay, I’ll tell you after I’m done saying what I have to say babe.

Lolli: Aww, alright…

JA and Lolli both pull back on the wishbone. It snaps, leaving the major part on JA’s side.

Lolli: Congratulations babe. What did you wish for?

JA: Hey, I told you, when I’m done saying what I got to say.

Lolli pouts as JA turns to the camera.

JA: You know what sucks about spending Thanksgiving on the road? Having to eat dinner in your locker room or at some restaurant instead of with your whole family, not being able to watch football with all your buddies and uncles and cousins and stuff and having to steal the wishbone out of Jonathan Marx’s turkey.

But all isn’t lost, as I got some great, great news. Seems like you’re finally getting it, Botster, that I don’t want you around. Write those papers up and lemme sign them, because once I’m finished with you, I never, ever, ever ever ever want to see you in an Empire ring.

Of course, it’s not because you’re annoying, crass, unimaginative and just plain sucky. Wait, yes it is. You are the one wrestler in Empire who doesn’t deserve an ounce of credit. See, I’m all for giving credit where credit is due, 7500X, but I’m not about to throw platitudes down like I mean them when I don’t. I also don’t appreciate fishing for compliments, which is clearly what you were doing. You’re obviously trying to garner some kind of validation from me, but it’s just not happening. I obviously have no respect for you, so why should I even pretend?

And just because I have no respect for you doesn’t mean I’m taking the match lightly. I’ve faced off against plenty of people whom I’ve had no respect for. I beat them too, healthy or bum knee or concussion or whatever. It doesn’t matter. I don’t look for any sympathy cards. I said before, I flat out beat you and Boogie last week despite my knee, and I will continue to work on this knee until it’s better. Unlike you, who masks your incompetence with excuses of being concussed. Seriously Botley, you make me sick, leaning on your injury, blaming your losses on it and then getting rewarded for it. Well, ostensibly rewarded, because if you were going to get rewarded, that means you’d be walking out of Dallas with the title. And that’s just not the case.

What is the case? Well, for one, I don't think Christ is the kind of guy who wants to be imitated. You know, all that talk about false prophets and stuff. Outright blasphemy. But you knew that because I said it before because I'm OH-EM-GEE SOOO REPETITIVE! Still, even if you're not the religious man, I have to laugh that your whole new gimmick is totally because you had to match Cross tit-for-tat and try to out-do him at his own game rather than being your own person, or in your case, your own robot. In fact, the Buddy Christ that I paid good money for at a yard sale that's standing right behind me has more personality than you.

But I guess I was wrong about you, you're not a PromoBot 7500X. No, that just implies that you churn out crappy interviews and soundbites in the most generic format. No, now that I think about it, you're a PromoBot 20000Y Deluxe. You've actually got a mimic function, albeit a crappy one. You have to outdo everyone at their own game, yet it fails every time. Case in point now, you, quoting Chris Jericho and everything... for all the times you faced off against me, you still...

cut to a scene from the Family Guy, the episode One If By Clam where Benjamin Disraeli's sitting at his desk

"Disraeli" ...don't even know who I am.

JA: Heh, awesome job. God, I love Empire's team of technicians.

But back to the matter at hand, Dudd, you still don't know me after all this time, which leads me to believe that either you're not that bright or that you've been wrestling with a concussion your entire career. Either one's plausible at this point. You can still cry and whine about me ripping off Jericho or whatever, but you don't realize what you're talking about. YOu go by a name and an introductory interview I had months ago and *BAM*, there's your material for the next eight months.

But whatever you say about me not knowing my name, which is false, I just choose not to give it out so that I don't get spam e-mails or calls from telemarketers who want me to switch from MCI to Tracfone or some **** like that. Whatever you say about Mad-lib promos... which is a fun concept, I think I'll try it. Alright Lolli, you got it ready?

Lolli: Yeah. Alright... noun.

JA: Brick

Lolli: Adjective

JA: Smelly

Lolli: Proper name

JA: Prince Albert

Lolli: Adverb

JA: Stinkily

Lolli: Liquid

JA: Pee

Lolli: Alright, gonna read it back now... ahem... Sebastian Dodd, I am going to defeat you like a brick, because you are smelly. I'm going to beat you so bad that even Prince Albert won't be able to stinkily save you. Then when I'm done, I'm gonna pop the cork on some vintage pee and celebrate.

JA: Ahh, that was a larf. But anyway, whatever you claim I'm all about, it doesn't matter. I'm going to kick your ass once and for all and finally end this silly charade you've been putting on as a legitimate challenger to me.

And then everyone will be able to give thanks, because I will have properly put you in your place, no matter where they're celebrating Thanksgiving... at home, or in their locker room... *sigh*

Lolli: Aww, babe, dont' worry. At least you got me.... and... Buddy Christ.

JA: Yeah, Buddy Christ makes my day brighter!

Lolli: And waht about me? Hmmm?

JA: Oh, you know I love you babe...

Lolli: Heh, do you love me enough to tell me what you wished for?

JA: Well, I did promise... okay...

JA whispers in Lolli's ear...

Lolli: Babe, that's mean! You shouldn't wish for Dodd to choke on a string bean!

JA: Heh, I know, I shouldn't have to win this match by default. But I didn't wish for that.

Lolli: Babe! You promised!

JA: Alright, alright... I wished for Dodd to actually grow a personality so he could make this match interesting... but I guess now that I told you in front of the camera, it won't come true.

Lolli: Aww, babe...

JA: It's okay... it'll take much more than a turkey wishbone for him to get a personality.

Lolli laughs as they both take their seats to their Hungry Man Thanksgiving dinners. The scene fades to the Empire logo, featuring a turkey dressed in a wrestling singlet.

11-25-04, 03:22 PM
[Fade in:
Sebastian Dodd is in his hotel room watching Colts/Lions...what a mess this game is. Dodd is dressed in his traditional non-wrestling attire of sneakers, jeans, and a t-shirt bearing a catchy slogan, in this case "Bah Humbug...nope...wrong holiday." Dodd is leaning back seemingly paying no attention to the camera crew...]

"Wow...this half is about as lopsided as our match is going to be. You seem to understand sports analogies better than most anything...so here's one. I'm going to whoop you like a Detroit Lion.

Oh, and by the way...

What a whiny b!tch you are.

Thanksgiving on the road is tough my @ss. Get used to it. You get paid handsomely for it...and you're in the best business, in the best federation in the world. I know plenty of people who work on Thanksgiving, and don't get to spend it with their families, people in hospitals, or waiting tables, don't you think that they'd much rather be at home with the family, or the boys, watching football? You really just bother the hell out of me.

But see, for me today isn't Thanksgiving...

Not in the traditional sense.

Thanksgiving for me...that's going to be the second after I beat you at Aggression for the Empire Pro Intercontinental Championship. Thanksgiving for me is going to be the second after I win, and I know that at least until the following week, when we probably will be slated to face each other again, that I don't have to see or talk to you.

I get rather tired of the idiocy and inconsistency in your promotional segments. I really do. So the few days where I get to relax and unwind is a welcome change of pace.

Like...why exactly are you in your locker room right now when the event is days away?

Or how I've got a whole new "gimmick"...and how I'm now a robot with a mimic program. Seems to me that since day one I was here I said I was the best wrestler in EPW...seems to me that I claimed to be a savior who was going to save the federation from people like you, and the idiocy that you bring to the table. I haven't changed. Sure I call myself a Messiah now...made a little correlation between the Bible that Cross likes to thump and what I've been saying all along. Liked the way it sounded...I'm sticking with it. Sure, I made some comparisons between myself and Christ. All absolutely valid. And yes, if there's someone who's footsteps it's probably not a bad idea to follow in...I can't think of a better person. And as for him not wanting people to imitate him...seems to me that the whole goal is for people to be more like him so the world is a better place. So I get the feeling that Jesus doesn't have problem with Seb Dodd going about business the way he does. And if he does may he strike me down right now!



Still here.

Tough break for you JA. But I digress...I like Chris...t You like Chris...Jericho. And as much as you like to claim that those comparisons are out of thin air based on one promo at the start of your EPW career, and a former nickname, I've gone over it about as my times as you've gone over that I'm boring on all the comparisons you can draw between the two of you.

And really JA, if I were a mimic robot...wouldn't I be mimicing you right now?

Shouldn't I be prematurely in a locker room celebrating Thanksgiving with a vapid blonde?

Shouldn't I be calling you Jericho's Assclown? Or maybe Just Arrogant? Or Japanese Airport...since really none of the names you call me have to make any sense...

But I'm not.

Because I'd rather spend my Thanksgiving in my hotel room, I'd rather have a girlfriend that I could speak to without having to explain almost everything I say to her...and your name is JA, whatever it might stand for.

And most importantly...I don't mimic.

[Dodd leans back and changes the channel rather than watch this stupid halftime show.]

"I'll tell you what's rather sad though JA, if I hadn't heard you giving Lolli the words to fit into the mad libs promo...I probably wouldn't have been able to tell the difference between that part of the promo and any of your other promos. Hell, you even managed to call me smelly...after calling me gay...at least it wasn't fat or stupid like I predicted. Childish and idiotic nonetheless. Much like everything else you do...right down to the "I'm rubber, you're glue" style promo. I say that you're giving yourself an out with your knee injury...saying that it'll be real impressive if you beat me in spite of it. Which lets you say well, if it weren't for the knee, when you lose. Your basic retort was "Nu uh...you're doing that with the concussion.". Now I'll freely admit that a week ago, I said that in my current state, stepping into the ring against doctor's orders, that you'd get the win over me, that you'd finally get that elusive pinfall, that you'd go one-up on Seb Dodd with the two of us in the ring. I made a prediction based on a situation. And no lie JA, if you HAD pinned me, or made me tap out, I probably would have been willing to chalk it up that you had the bad knee, I've got the concussion, it's a wash...you beat me. Much like this week, concussion, knee, wash. For whatever reason...I thought you had my number last week.

I was wrong.

You couldn't do it even then. You still pinned Boogie.

And now EPW is ramming that fact down your throat. And it's put up or shut up time for both of us.

You've claimed all along that you're better than me. I've claimed all along that one on one, with you and I in the ring, noone else...you don't have a prayer of beating me.

One of us is going to be proven wrong JA. But it's NOT going to be me.

You can talk about me getting handed a shot at your title this week because I didn't lose last week. I much think of it as finally getting my one on one shot at the IC Title that I EARNED by tossing your @ss over the top rope. The shot that YOU deprived me of by getting handed a shot because you try hard, and you make the fans laugh. The shot that I stole from myself by hitting Marx with a chair.

But there's no Marx now. There's no Boogie.

There's only one thing standing between ME and the Intercontinental Title.

That's you JA.

And this week, at Aggression...

I'm going to knock down that last obstacle. And I'm going to become IC Champ. Come to grips with that now...it'll make the transition easier on you.


11-26-04, 09:24 PM
The scene is the office of Mike, one of Empire's personal trainers. JA is there, holding his exposed knee as Mike examines it.

Mike: It's looking better. I really wish you wouldn't wrestle on it though.

JA: Seriously, I'm fine man. Just ice it up, then tape it up, and I'll be good.

Mike: Alright, alright... lemme go get the ice.

Mike exits as Kenny Lombardo enters with a microphone.

KL: JA, hey, could I get a few words with you?

JA: Kennity, of course you can. What's shakin'?

KL: Well first off, how was your Thanksgiving?

JA: Heh, well, the Hungry Man dinners were surprisingly good, and then we went out for a bit before getting back to our hotel. Pretty good holiday. I realized it's not really what you're dealt with but what you do with it that makes the holiday.

KL: Well, your holiday is over and soon, you'll be in the ring with Sebastian Dodd. Now, he's asked you why you're here at the arena already days before the event, which given your complaints about being on the road, is a legit question. What do you ahve to say?

JA: Well, let me ask you a question, Kenny Kenny Bo Benny. Why are you here?

KL: Excuse me?

JA: Why are you here days before the event? Or Mike, Dan Ryan, Paul Freeman, anyone associated with Empire Pro, why are you here?

KL: Well, because it's my job.

JA: Exactly. Kenny, it's your job. It's everyone's behind the scenes job to be here early to prep the arena, get out some last minute promotions. The offices are here, the trainers are here for guys like me with nagging injuries, the announcers come to practice their feature segments and stuff. Plus the weight rooms here are free, it's easier and cheaper to use the camera crews at the arena, et cetera, et cetera.

THat's why I'm here. I'm here to do my job, to be the best wrestler I can be. Because I'm here taking care of my body and because I'm preparing for the match. I'm showing in my actions what Spatini Dodge just says week in and week otu and what I don't need to say.

KL: And what's that?

JA: That I eat, sleep, breathe and bathe Empire. But that's really not worth saying, because it's better left unsaid. IF you really did embody Empire Pro Wrestlign like that, it doesn't need to be said. GUys like Beast, Christian Sands, Lindsay Troy, Cross, even the Cameron Cruise project... they embody Empire, but you don't hear it ad nauseam. I mean, if El Boto really thought he was like Christ, well, he must have missed the point in the Holy Scriptures. Cuz wasn't it Christ that said in one of those Gospels that the way to pray isn't to go out in the streets and do it out loud, but it was to go up in your room and do it quietly, and that you didn't praise God by screaming it out and not following it up, but you did it by your deeds and actions. So I guess it turns out that 20000Y isn't much like Christ at all. Maybe as much as I'm like Jericho.

KL: ABout that, you accused him of imitating Jericho as basis for you calling him a mimic, but he said he'd be imitating you if he really were. What's your answer to that?

JA: Well, the thing is, Dumm's about as imaginative as a rock. Note, he's been using the same base material, like "JA's only material is to make fun of my name" or "haha, you rip off another wrestler because you suck ell-oh-ell." I mean, and now he's sorta graduated to using some of Jericho's catchphrases and stuff, because he's had the mimic function added. I mean, he hasn't adapted or developed anything else since the first time I met him.

Now, how does this correlate to in teh ring? Well, Dodd's as imaginative in teh ring as he is out of it. He's predictable, and his record shows it. I mean, since that battle royale he won, how many other matches has he won? One. One, against the Muffin Man, and only because he had problems outside the ring and couldn't really show up. Whenever someone gave him a real fight, he folded like an accordion and wound up on the losing side. How he got this title match, I don't know, but I guess someone in management loves him.

Me? WEll, I've gone out and beaten mostly everyone who's been in my path, full health, or on a bum knee. Doesn't matter. I've proven my worth, but somehow because I've never pinned him, Botster thinks that he's somehow better than me. Well, I beat his team last week. I knocked his ass out at WrestleVerse and he was out for a solid ten minutes, but he still thinks he's better than me.

Well, that concussion I gave him has "cost" him all those matches, while I'm still functioning on that knee his boyfriend Sir Bores-A-Lot gave me. So whatever. We got a guy who makes excuses and makes a lot of noise about being everything Ee-Pee-Dub stands for but doesn't bring results, but we have a guy who does what he's supposed to do and just brings it, night in and night out. Who would you pick to win the match?

KL: The latter, but stranger things have happened.

JA: That's true. The Rams forgot they had Marshall Faulk and in turn, kept the Pats in the game until the end when they stole a game they really were supposed to have no business winning on paper in the Super Bowl three years ago. How's that for sports analogies? But then again, the strangest thing hasn't happened yet.

KL: And what's that?

JA: Promo-bot 20000Y hasn't turned into a real boy yet with a personality. But then again, I guess I'll begrudgingly give some credit. If I let the Botster hang around, he may steal the title from me. But I'm no Mike Martz. I'm well aware of all my weapons, and I plan on using them. No way this title leaves my waist.

Because Doddi-al-Fagstain has one thign right. There is no Marx and there is no Boogie. But that only means that the path for me to retain the title will be easier.

Because trust me, there's way more than just me between him and the Eye-See title.

KL: Alright Champ, thanks for your time.

JA: Don't mention it.

Kenny exits while Mike, who was waiting in the doorway the whole time with ice, comes back in.

Mike: Man, bout time you got done. My hands are almost frozen.

JA: Heh, man, just put it on my knee.

Mike puts the ice pack on JA's knee as the camera fades to the Empire logo.

11-28-04, 02:06 PM
[Fade in:
Sebastian Dodd is in the gym of his hotel, he's getting in the final parts of a workout. He's dressed in his usual non-wrestling attire of sneakers, and jeans, and a t-shirt bearing a catchy slogan in this "Substance Abuse." He stops briefly to address the crew.]

"I like to work out in my hotel actually. But what do I know? Nevermind.

Somehow the people like you JA. I'll never understand it. You would think that someone so clearly homophobic as you would have put EPW in an incredibly awkward position with your constant references to gay opposition.

Now I'm not gay...

Not that there's anything wrong with that.

But you seem to think that there is, because you keep using that alternate lifestyle as an insult. Calling Benjamin my boyfriend this time, and something about a "fagstain". I don't even remember the specifics of that one. But the point is JA, you are obviously a homophobe.

Not only that, you're a homophobe who happens to be an idiot about everything else. You continue to use the childish I'm rubber you're glue strategy that I spoke of earlier this week. I say that your material has been limited since day one to ripping material, and calling me stupid names.

So how do you respond to that? You say that I'M the one with no material...and that I'M the one stealing from that wrestler who I'm not going to name *COUGH* JERICHO *COUGH*. Now who's got the mimic function JA? Please. I mean for Christ's...sorry Jesus...sake, go out and come up with something. The fact of the matter JA, is that I have had a ton of different angles I've come at you with, it didn't just start with you being a ripoff with a penchant for name calling. I used to call you a hypocrite, until you got tired of it, and I got tired of your whining. I'm calling you a homophobe now. I've called you undeserving...



That's what you're calling me now. Hmmmm...maybe JERICHO isn't your favorite wrestler. Maybe Seb Dodd is. I mean really.

I say that you have no material...that you're a one-trick pony.

YOU say that I have no material, except to say you only call me names.

I say that you ripoff Jericho.

YOU say that I ripoff Jericho, based on ONE statement...that I prefaced as being for YOUR amusement.

I say that you don't deserve to be where you are...

YOU say that I don't deserve to be where I am.

Hmmmm...coincidence. I think not.

So where does this leave us JA? Seems to me that I'm going to be fighting myself...with three noticible differences. The Doppleganger Dodd has inferior talent to the real one...it lacks the intellect of the real one...and it has the Intercontinental Championship. Which one of these things is going to change?

Now while I could claim that I'm going to beat some sense into you...I can't guarantee that.

And while being in the ring with me could give you a live wrestling lesson, something to pick up and learn from...it's still not going to make you more talented.

But that Intercontinental Championship.

I CAN guarantee that I'm coming home with that. I'm the best pure wrestler in Empire Pro Wrestling today, maybe ever. I'm going to bend you, stretch you, and twist you in ways that you've never felt before. I'm going to make you tap out, or I'm going to pin you, and I AM going to walk out with the Intercontinental Championship Strap.

And when you get to the arena DAYS...WEEKS early next time, you'll have plenty to think about. It's one thing to get to the arena a couple of days before the event...I can tell you I'll be there. But the fact of the matter is JA, Thanksgiving, Hungry Mans in the locker room. That's going to far. I'm THE biggest Empire Pro guy, as much as you like to mock it, I do make EPW my life.

But I didn't spend Thanksgiving at the arena.

I actually prefer to think that the Hungry Mans, and the dinner at the Arena...and "stealing John Marx's wishbone" was, as always with you, for show. Much like that Rams team you like to talk about...the "Greatest Show on Turf"...you're all flash and no substance. That team won on offense, and lacked the defense needed to win the big one. It couldn't stop a 6th round QB playing the biggest game of his life, who should have had more nerves than anyone in that building.

It wasn't Faulk.

They let the kid lead that team to that Field Goal.

Because they didn't have the substance to buckle down in the big one. Much like you don't. You've already excused your knee...and hell, now you're making excuses for my opposition too. Kin Hiroshi had problems outside of the ring...and couldn't REALLY show up.

TOO BAD! Wrestling is a tough business...but I've never let any problems I was having in my life affect my ring performance, and if he did, then so be it. He didn't have the resolve to win.

I do.

And I will JA.

Mark my words. I WILL be the Intercontinental Champion.

And I WILL be the IC Champion at Aggression.


11-30-04, 12:44 AM
Standing by with Kenny Lombardo, we see JA, Intercontinental Championship strapped around his waist outside his locker room.

KL: Alright, we're only hours away from the start of Aggression, but JA has requested some camera time. What do you have to say, Champ?

JA: Well, I had a nice little candid video feature from earlier with me and Lollipop talking, but the tape got eaten. It's been a hard day for me, Kenzo.

KL: We all have them.

JA: Yeah, but as hard of a day it's been for me, it will be even harder for the Promo Bot 20000Y Deluxe, Sabbatical Droid.

Botster, you run your mouth about many things and you spout of several things about JA that may or may not be true. I may be a whiner, I may have an excessive idee fixe on Chris Jericho, despite me not letting it show that much right here, but I'm no homophobe. I guess they installed a new hypersensitive circuitboard on you now.

But still, if one gay joke makes me a homophobe, then I guess several lame attempts putting my name against me makes you a hack to the highest degree. Botley, it was lame the first match, waht makes you think it's not lame now? And as for the Jericho imitations, you've seemed to be doing them more than I have, so chew on that.

And maybe if you wanted to be a Messiah, you'd come to the arena more often. See, Jesus was the Messiah because he was a man of the peeps. You're just a man of the sheep, just like every other hack who wants to make it big by trumping yourself up and being oblivious to common sense. Jesus had the people he was for around him all teh time. You seal yourself off in your ivory tower. Way to imitate him there. See, I know Jesus, and Jesus he knows me, he knoooows I'm right...

piped in cheer for the Phil Collins impersonation

JA: I've read Jesus, I saw him turn water into funk, I have a giant, cartoony statue of him in my dressing room. And you sir, are no Jesus Christ.

What you are is finshed when I'm done with you.

But you should also consider yourself lucky that tape got eaten. Because I don't think you'd have been able to survive my scathign imitation of you.

KL: Alright, strong words from teh Empire Intercontinental Champion. Back to you up front.

Fade to the Empire logo.

11-30-04, 01:41 AM
[Fade in to Sebastian Dodd standing in front of a chalkboard labeled Facts 101. He is dressed in his usual non-wrestling attire of sneakers, jeans, and a t-shirt bearing a catchy slogan...in this case "I like facts." In addition he's also wearing a white lab coat. He slaps a yardstick he's holding against the board and begins.]

"I like to call this segment...introduction to facts 101.

"...if one gay joke makes me a homophobe, then I guess several lame attempts putting my name against me makes you a hack to the highest degree."

Oooooook. Anyone see a problem with that statement? OK, don't all you people out there in TV land raise your hand all at once.

That's a trick question. Because there's WAYYYYYY more than one problem.

First of all...one gay joke...maybe does NOT a homophobe make. Constant references makes you a homophobe. For instance...

"Or better yet, who did you have to blow to keep getting shots against me?"

"I'm still functioning on that knee his boyfriend Sir Bores-A-Lot gave me."

"Doddi-al-Fagstain has one thing right."

Well, that means several things...one, JA can't count. Two JA IS a homophobe...and three, JA likes to hide from the truth. Now the other problem with that statement would be the lame attempts at putting his name against him...

Ooooooook again.

Here's the thing. Sebastian Dodd doesn't do that, as a matter of fact, he discourages it. However JA on the other hand...


"Salmacis Dudd"

"Spatini Dodge"

"Sabbatical Droid"

Now, I know that I've pointed this out before...but saying one thing, and doing another...well, that makes someone...what?

A HYPOCRITE. Now we've been over the fact that JA doesn't care that he's a hypocrite. But I thought I'd point it out again, since well, it was just glaringly obvious.

Now, we have two FACTS about JA. He's a homophobe, and a hypocrite. Let's go a little bit deeper though shall we? What else is JA? Well, he likes to claim that he's not anything like Jericho. We all know that that's not true. We all know that he's little more than Banya from Seinfeld. A hack.

Now I know that JA is seeing this and thinking ooooh, ripoff, he called me a hack, I called him a hack...isn't that him using that rubber glue thing he's been talking about?

No, it's not. Because I called him a hack long before he called me one. And I quote, from a segment in September. "You're a hack. You're no better than that Ovaltine loving comic on Seinfeld, you are a fraud, and a complete hack." Which is yet another example of his not only using the whole I'm rubber you're glue promo style, but also of the fact that nary an original thought ever has crept into the head of JA. What a suprise that he'd take Sebastian Dodd material from two months ago and try to pass it off as his own. And why does he do that? Because it's all he can do is reguritate what's fed to him. And much like vomit itself, the same stuff is in there...and it's way more sloppy. I call him stale, he calls me stale, I say he makes fun of my name, he says I make fun of his...do you see where I'm going with this?

Yes, JA is a complete ripoff hack fraud. As much as he claims to hate Sebastian Dodd, and all I stand for, all he's done since he's met me is fire back at every promo I've had with the same arguements I bring against him...only less intelligible, and surrounded by more flash. So I come off as boring, the fans don't want to listen...and all of a sudden he swoops in with a little bit of panache' and the same things I've been saying about him, and people pay a little bit more attention. The only problem is that he has no basis for his statements...as I've countered EVERY...LAST...ONE. Just like I always do...and I do it with...FACTS. JA likes to fight back against what I have to say by basically saying something along the lines of "Nu uh...you are!". And yet somehow, I'm the guy that the people don't want to hear.

Oh well...you're going to have to listen alot more after I've won the Intercontinental Championship.

And now what have we learned today folks?

We learned facts about JA.

The those facts are Homophobe...Hypocrite...Hack. H...H...H...well, maybe you've found a new wrestler to emulate JA? Triple H, Hack, homophobe, hypocrite. HHH. JA, I've said since the moment I first laid eyes on your segments, and your wrestling that you were little more than a bag of hot air with some catchphrases that the people would ride until they found the next big thing...

Well, maybe Sebastian Dodd isn't that thing.

Maybe Sebastian Dodd is too dull...too boring...

Then again...maybe the fact that I'm not some flashy entertainer doesn't mean a d@mn thing when we get in that ring.

Maybe just maybe, I don't need the cheers of the people in the crowd to let me win a match.

Maybe I can win without people liking me.

And maybe Aggression is my chance to prove it.

Then again...maybe pigs can fly. But the chance of that is about the same chance of me losing that match at Aggression.

Because none of those things are maybes. They are facts. Being flashy means nothing when I step between the ropes.

I DON'T need the fans to win the match.

Aggression IS my chance to prove it. And I WILL. You're going down. You're going down hard. And the ref is going to get to that one two three, or you're going to tap that mat one, two, three time, even faster than I can say...


See ya in the ring JA.