View Full Version : Republican v Hayze

09-21-04, 12:44 AM
All RP for the match between THE PHANTOM REPUBLICAN and ALISTER HAYZE at RAUCOUS should be done in this folder. Any RP posted outside of the folder will not count.

The RP deadline is 11:59pm on Tuesday, September 28th. Angles should be sent to secandido@comcast.net ..

09-21-04, 09:34 AM
The scene is a wharf out on San Diego harbor. On the pier stands The Phantom Republican, dressed in a knit golf shirt, dress slacks and his GOP mask.

GOP: If there's one thing I hate more than a Democrat, it's a dirty, filthy hippie.

Out here in California, I find myself surrounded by such vile scum, those who promote the destruction of family values through promiscuity and rampant drug use, those who eschew hygiene, often times sleeping in their raggety tie-dye shirts, not showering for days. If I could shove all the hippies into a boat and ship them all off to live with their commie cousins in Cuba, I would in a heartbeat.

That is why I find that I must win my next match at all costs, for I am up against a disgusting hippie. Allister Hayze represents everything that is wrong with NEW Era of Wrestling. Reference his last match on Raucous, where he blatantly tried to lock lips with the Vice-President of this company in order to gain an advantage. I would imagine how horrified his wife might have been, but knowing that he is a hippie heathen, he probably has no wife and just carouses with whatever groupie he can find in the various cities he goes to. It's a good thing his deception cost him. You should never sleep to get to the top. Respectable men like myself and Dick Cheney, we use our shrewd business sense, if you know what I mean. Heh.

A stand must be taken for morality and justice in NEW Era, and that stand shall be taken by me, Gordon O. Powell, the Phantom Republican. Much like Arnold Schwarzenegger has begun to take this once proud state of California back from its state of liberal lunacy into the compassionate conservative fold, I shall begin to purge NEW Era of the hippies and the communists and the foreigners. That purge began with the punishment of Jay last week for his unlawful possession of Weapons of Mass Destruction, which even though I found none on him, I am assured that he indeed possesses them in rathole somewhere. Probably.

But that purge shall continue this week, as I will destroy the hippie influence that Allister Hayze exerts on the Coalition of the Unwilling NEW superstars.

GOP looks off into the distance as the scene fades to a "Phantom Republican For Bush/Cheney '04" logo. A voiceover of the President comes on.

GWB V/O: I'm George W. Bush, and I approve this message.

Fade out.

09-24-04, 03:45 PM
<I>We fade in on a familiar looking van, tooling down the highway. Inside, we find our hero, Alister Hayze, confidently manning the driver‘s spot, eyes on the road ahead of him.</I>

<B>ALISTER HAYZE:</B> You know, all my life, everywhere I go, there’s this stigma attached to being lil’ ol’ me. When I was fourteen, sitting in the basement, I was a slacker. When I was sixteen, riding around in my dad’s van, I was a druggie. When I was eighteen, working with Benito Mendoza and training to be a wrestler, I was crazy. And when I was twenty-one, running the gamut of the wrestling world, and stomping each and every opponent I came to, by the way, well, then I was a hippie. A nobody. A loser.

That’s why I came here, because of that stigma, that curse, if you will. That’s why Alister Hayze decided to enter the <b>New ERA</b> of wrestling, because it’s very clear that for my best days to come, I will have to leave that past behind me. I have to forget about two failed promotions, both of which featured me as a central player. I have to ignore the fact that I was always the guy that came up short, always the guy that couldn’t quite make it. I was always one step short of where I wanted -- where I needed -- to be. So I come here, and I’ve done alright for myself, I think. I’ve come up this far, and yeah, it’s not where I want to be. Not yet, anyways.

Because here’s where we hit the problem, kids. Here’s where we reach the crossroads. It is the New ERA for Alister Hayze, with a new fan base, with a new locker room, with a new boss…and the problem is that to each and every one of them, to the fans out there, to the boys in the back, to Jean Rabesque, to Chaos, to Madonna Wayne Grossard, and to Juliet Marceau…to all of them, Alister Hayze is just a nobody. A loser. And I can take that from the locker room, no problem. I mean, I can put them on even ground with me, I can face them in the ring and show them just how frickin’ great I really am. And the fans, the fans will come along, because they can see me face those boys in the ring, they can watch me prove myself to the wrestlers, and then they too can see the light. Like I said, no problem. But it seems that no matter what I do, no matter how I go out to prove myself, there is a certain fine-looking lady watching from a high penthouse tower that still looks down at Alister Hayze and sees a nobody. A loser. But it’s time that I change all that, it’s time that I prove myself once and for all as a somebody. As not just a man, but The Man. As not just an up-and-comer, but the star of the 21st century, as the star of this New ERA of Wrestling. It’s been hard, I’ll admit, but I think I’ve got it, I think I know exactly how to strut my stuff and show the whole world -- including that certain foxy lady in charge -- exactly why you should never stop watching Alister Hayze.

But she’s not the only person that needs to start paying attention. She’s not the only one that believes all the old hype, all the stuff that the curse of Hayze is associated with. It seems a Mr. Gordon O. Powell believes all this crap, that I’m a no-good, unwashed, unintelligent, tree-hugging hippie. He looks at me, and he judges, just the same way that they all did. He sees someone that stands for everything that he hates. Let me tell you, Gordie, Mr. G-O-P, I am something you hate, because I’m someone who’s gonna go farther than you, who’s better-looking than you, who’s just plain better than you. And all this is possible through the miracle of life, pal. That’s just the way I am, Gordie, and no amount of shrewd planning or scheming is going to fix it. You might be the Phantom Republican, the representative of the great G-O-P, but I’m Alister Hayze, the Right Reverend of the Church of 901, and I’m here to make a believer out of you! I’m here to show you, through trial by combat, exactly how damn good I really am. And the only thing worse than the humiliation you’ll suffer after I pin your shoulders to the mat for the 1-2-3, is the piece of knowledge that will haunt you in your sleep for years to come. The closest you’ll ever come to greatness losing to me. The best your ever gonna be is a nobody. A loser. And me? I’ve only yet begun to shine.

<I>Fade to black.</I>

09-24-04, 11:20 PM
We're back on the wharf, where GOP is now standing on a clipper ship.

GOP: This is low, Hayze. It's bad enough that your leftist hippie ways are continuing to subvert the good citizens of New ERA, but now you're trying to inure me into your twisted cult? Pathetic!

This country was built on Christian moral values. It's bad enough that we have the Catholic Church with their boy-fondling bastardization of the Christian faith and these Eastern religions that promote touchy-feely wishy-washism, and on a side note, it's a wonder that John Kerry isn't a dyed in the wool Buddhist as well as a filthy Democrat, but now, we have what amounts to a sick cult? Hayze, you disgust me. What are you planning on doing, force feeding me Kool-Aid? Hypnotizing me? Your Cult of 901 - I refuse to dignify it by calling it a church - is just another example of people turning their backs on God and worshipping themselves. I bet you went to a school where they took prayer away. It really shows.

I don't have to do more than look at you to realize that you're a bottom-feeding scourge on society. Look at you whining and complaining about being judged, if you don't like it, do something about it. You can start by taking a shower.

While you whine and complain, I am going to cut the fat and slash through you like our PResident is going to slash through taxes WHEN he's reelected. If you don't like it, you can go back to your van and cry and probably smoke some hashish like the hippie you are.

Although, I am feeling a little magnanimous. I am willing to free you from your evil and twisted hippie influence. After I am done beating the holy hell out of you like Ronald Reagan beat teh holy hell out of Grenada, I will, at no charge to you, deprogram you and make you a member of the Republican Party, replete with your own wardrobe, a haircut and business cards for your new position as a junior VP for Halliburton.

What do you say, Hayze? This is about as magnanimous as us Republicans get. If I win, I will give you all of that, at no cost.

Because it will be a small price to pay to straighten out another member of the dregs of society.

GOP stares off into the night sky as the scene fades to the Republican Party logo.

09-28-04, 02:29 AM
<I>In a rather familiar scene, we find our hero Alister Hayze parked on the side of the highway, late at night, a portable halogen lamp the only source of light in the back of the van.</I>

<b>Alister Hayze:</b> Your twisted values aside, Gordie, what makes me such a bad guy, huh? Sure, I’ve had my checkered past. I’ve done my share of drugs. I’ve…*ahem*…”gotten intimate” with quite a few ladies, no questions asked. But that’s in the past. Despite what you seem to think, I take a shower fairly regularly. I brush, I floss, I take my vitamins every night. I do everything that our favorite golden god Terry told us to do, way back when I was just a little boy. It all sticks with you, man, the values that the TV taught you then.

But here’s the thing, G-O-P. When I got older than eight years old, I went out into the big, scary real world, where things work a little differently than how Terry told us. Because I did floss, I did take my vitamins. I even prayed, every night, just like man with the receding-hairline mullet told me to, and yet it still didn’t matter. Why? Because, despite the fact that I acted just as I was instructed to, Kevin Shelton, the school bully, he beat me up, just the same. He gave me a fat lip, and a black eye, and he took my lunch money. Every cent of it. And I just didn’t get it, because Terry told me that all I needed to be just like him, to be big and bad and golden and wonderful, all I had to do was floss, and pray, and yadda yadda yadda. Understandably, I was confused. And so I went back to the altar, to that amazing device called television, and I waited for Terry to come on, so that maybe I could understand where I had gone wrong.

And then I got it. It wasn’t something that he said, it was something else. It was what he did that caught my attention this time.

Even though all he ever talked about was prayers and good health and obeying your parents, Terry never – not <I>once</I> -- did those things he was talking about. He was busy throwing the big boot up, dropping the leg, ripping the cheap little T-shirts off. He was busy kicking ass.

So now I realized. Now I got it. It wasn’t all the high talk that I heard. It wasn’t doing as I was told; it was doing as I <I>saw</I>. Fighting was how it worked. Fighting, with everything that you had, that was how you won fights.

I realized that what I had in spades was fire. Kevin Shelton got popped in the face, and he didn’t try taking my money again. My dad felt like taking the belt to me, I stood there instead of cowering, and I took the belt rather than the beating. From that day on, I fought for what I have. Those are my moral convictions. Those are the ideals of 901.

So let’s here the fans sing out the testimonials for you, Gordie! Let’s here the fans scream, “I was there when Alister Hayze cracked a bottle over that guy’s head!” Let them shout, “I was there when Alister Hayze took a face full of fire and still kept going!” And let them ring it out, that they were there in San Diego when Alister Hayze took the high and mighty Phantom Republican and showed him what really matters in this world. Let them cry out, “I saw Hayze pin GOP, I was there!”

There are no high ideals of righteous that can stop me, Gordie. They don’t work. What works is my way – and that involves doing everything that you can to take what you need. What I need is for the world, for the locker room, for Juliet Marceau, to remember just how damn good I am. And you and all of your principles certainly aren’t going to stop me. Save your haircut and your suit, because this –

<I>He tugs on his shirt at the “901” label.</I>

<b>Hayze:</b> This is what I wear. This is what I believe in. And you are nothing more than another testimonial waiting to happen.

<I>Fade to black.</I>