View Full Version : Jay v Republican

08-17-04, 12:46 AM
All RP for the match between JAY and THE PHANTOM REPUBLICAN at RAUCOUS should be done in this folder. Any RP posted outside of the folder will not count.

The RP deadline is 11:59pm on Tuesday, August 24. Angles should be sent to secandido@comcast.net ..

08-17-04, 09:56 AM
The scene is on the campaign trail somewhere in Phoenix, in the important swing state of Arizona. The Phantom Republican is handing out various Bush/Cheney paraphernalia to prospective voters who pass by. The camera zooms in to the masked face of GOP, who turns his attention from the passers-by to the camera.

GOP: Ah yes, nothing like a rousing day on the campaign trail to get your blood pumping. It's like a shot of pure adrenaline, meeting people and convincing them that four more years of President Bush is the right call, especially over a noted flip-flopper like John Kerry.

God forbid, if John Kerry were ever to attain the most sacred office of the Presidency, who knows what evildoers would be allowed to take over in the Middle East and develop weapons of mass destruction. The construction of those WMDs must be prevented at all costs.

Much like our President is committed to wiping out all evildoers and stamping out their WMD programs, I too am committed to doing that stateside, here in New Era of Wrestling. Fortunately, in my first contest, I am pitted against Jay, a man whose biggest claim to fame is wrestling in a federation which had the word "extreme" in its name. In fact, this Jay, if that is his real name, won that federation's Extreme Championship three times. From this reconaissance I garnered from my intelligence sources, I have learned that this Jay character is skilled in the use of WMDs.

This is not good. We cannot have such loathesome creatures crawling around in NEW like cockroaches while the righteous like myself and other God-fearing Republicans and conservatives must stand by and watch as these vile men and women like Jay perpetrate their heinous crimes against humanity. That is why I will destroy Jay's WMD program, and I will convert him to the side of good.

I have utmost confidence that Jay will not hide in a rathole like Saddam Hussein, but I am fearful that he may employ the help of such rogue nations like Syria or the Palestine Liberation Organization to further his cause. Fear not, because much like the United States military, my arsenal is the best in the world. I will break out the Stealth Bombers. I will employ Star Wars. If needed, I will raise the Terror Alert to Code Red. And if worse comes to worse, I will deploy a MOAB. Nothing will be spared. This is a war of attrition.

Even though Jay has had years in hiding to build up his WMD arsenal, he does not stand a chance. The Phantom Republican knows no fear! The Phantom Republican always gets the job done! And the Phantom Republican shall dispose of all the evildoers, especially those like Jay who harbor weapons of mass destruction.

The preceeding message has been paid for by the GOP fund to re-elect Bush/Cheney and to rid NEW of evil-doers.

George W. Bush voice-over: I am George W. Bush, and I approved this message.

The camera zooms out as GOP hits the campaign trail again. The scene fades to the NEW logo.

08-17-04, 04:08 PM
:::Scene opens as Jay is sitting...somewhere...um...y'know, the scene really isn't important here. So go ahead and come up with where it is. I'll wait. Got it? Alright, the scene opens there.:::

Jay: Mr. Republican...or can I call you Phantom?...you seem to have done your homework on me. That's the sign of a good politician. However, you're making a mistake here...one I'm actually quite shocked at. You have declared war to put a stop to my WMDs...but you have no justification...you have no proof that such weapons even exist! Well, I guess fighting for a hollow reason is something that runs in your party, huh?

Fear not, though, Phantom Republican. Unlike our leader in the Oval Office, you're going to find the weapons of mass destruction you so desperately seek. Despite what you may think of me being in a group with 'Extreme' in the title (actually, they always insisted that the entire word be capitilzed) I do not use said weapons to defeat opponents. I'm not one of those brawlers that bludgeons an opponent to pick up the win. My weapons of mass destruction lie in my collection of moves...a collection you're going to wish that had remained hidden from you.

Actually, I am a bit surprised that you're being so hostile at just our first meeting. There's a presidential election coming up, and I'm a registered voter! I should be getting a button from you, not a flurry of tie-ins of a four-year presidential stint that gives me a headache just thinking about. What kind of politician doesn't kiss ass when something like that is at stake? I could be a major contributor, even, but you've hurt my feelings so badly...maybe Kerry needs a hand, eh?

Seriously, though, we're not playing politics here, Phantom Republican. Come Raucous, we'll see if your missle defense system can stop my weapons of mass destruction...namely a foot aimed straight at your mask.

:::Scene fades.:::

This message was not approved by GWB. Sorry, folks.

08-19-04, 08:56 AM
The scene is Republican HQ in Phoenix. It's late at night, and the Phantom Republican is the only one remaining. He's sitting at a table, drinking coffee and looking over the latest poll numbers. The camera zooms in, and GOP looks up.

GOP: I should have known better.

Rather than trust a harbinger of weapons of mass destruction to come out and freely admit his faults, I should have known that this Jay character would use subterfuge and lies to cover his misdeeds and evildoings.

Even Saddam Hussein wasn't as foolish as to call his S.C.U.D. missiles weapons of mass destruction, yet what Jay has claimed is tantamount to such an egregiously intentional miscalculation. For this, Jay shall receive no mercy. I will not give him the dignity of having inspectors shake him down before the match. It's shoot first and ask questions later. In fact, I think I'm going to make a new amendment to that policy. For Jay, it will be shoot first, second, third, fourth, fifth, sixth and seventh, and then if there are any coherent pieces of flesh remaining afterwards, then I'll think about asking questions.

The Republican Party doesn't deal with red tape and the bureaucracy of diplomacy. Ha, what has diplomacy ever settled? Diplomacy leads to appeasement, and appeasement leads to evildoers getting their way. I don't care if Jay doesn't even have these WMDs anymore. There is no doubt in my mind that if he doesn't have them, he's sold them off to other neighboring freedom-hating wrestlers like El Arco Iris or Jean Rabesque.

I even have documented proof that Jay has bought depleted uranium yellowchairs from Akeem, the African Dream. He has also made in his lab those fire strips and that stuff people throw in the eyes to make you blind. All of this is indisputable evidence from my intelligence reports, and if you know anything about Republican intelligence, it never fails.

So now, in the face of such egregious violations against humanity and decency, I order that Jay hand himself over to the proper authorties, those authorities being the Phantom Republican and his massive arsenal. If not, I will be forced to invade Jay's private airspace by force and bring him to my mercy!

GOP laughs evilly as the camera zooms out and fades to the NEW logo.