View Full Version : [CD] Hail to the Chief, baby

08-09-04, 07:58 AM
GOP is standing on the steps of the Capitol

The Phantom Republican: So, here I am, New ERA of Wrestling, a fresh day dawning like the sun rising above Capitol Hill in the morning. Reminds me of 1994 when the Republican Party swept through Congress and purged it of its filthy Democratic influence. Then, six short years later, we purged them from the White House and elected George W. Bush.

Such shall be the same here in NEW. The time will come for all the luchadors and the pantywaist high-flying girlie men, as our upstanding California governor would say, to be thrown out of the ring like a bill for Universal Health Care gets tossed out of Congress. On the same note, those big slugs who have athletic ability comparable to the moral fiber of Bill Clinton will be purged too. Much like my constituents in this building are dedicated to tax cuts, only the strong and nimble will survive my lax cuts.

Those evildoers who can only win by using weapons of mass destruction will fall under my wrath as well. I will hunt them down and unilaterally destroy them. They have no place in GOP's wrestling ring.

I have a vision for a stronger, united NEW where all the fat is cut. If I have run up a deficit of goodwill with the leftist bastards here, then so be it. Only through strong defense spending (of time in the gym) and the systematic elimination of all the Democrats, liberals and Communists can NEW grow strong. I want to do that.

And if you are not with me, if you are not a Republican, hoping for a better, stronger NEW, then you are a filthy Democrat... no, a filthy, dirty Pinko bastard in my eyes. I won't tolerate that, and you'll be the first on my hit list. I'll drop a MOAB on you so quick you'll be knocked out before you can say "Ronnie Reagan."

Make no mistake about it, New ERA. This is a new era. An era of conservatism, trickle-down thuganomics and of The Phantom Republican. shape up, or I'm gonna ship you out to Iraq.

GOP laughs as the camera fades out.