View Full Version : WEEK 10 - SHANE SOUTHERN vs. EDDY LOVE

03-12-04, 03:59 AM

03-16-04, 11:40 AM
{{...FADE-IN: The locker room area just after CRASH. A camera is focused on a nameplate on a door that reads "Shane Southern". The door opens and Vivian Ryconick emerges dressed in the same clothes from Crash....}}

VIVIAN: " I don't think he wants to talk now guys. "

(The door opens again and Southern emerges behind Vivian dressed in street clothes. Both knees are draped in a heavy duty black knee-brace and his forehead is bandaged, a little blood beginning to seep through.)

SOUTHERN: " 'S OK Viv. Could ya' go get tha' car? I'll just be a sec. "

(Vivian smiles and nods, then lifts up on her toes to give Southern a peck on the cheek. Southern watches her go, then lifts the gym back up on his shoulder)

" First of all ... congratulations Deac. That's tha' first Iron man match I've ever lost. I can honestly say, you were tha' man ta'night ... Ya' know Deac, it was kinda' fittin' that on tha' night I confessed mah' sin to tha' world, I cleansed mah'self by goin' thirty FULL with tha' seven-foot mute freak. Yeah, tha' result wasn't what I was hopin' for, but I'm makin' no excuses. I let mah'self get distracted by that little weasel Shawn Mathews, n' you did tha' same thing I woulda' done ... you took advantage of it n' won tha' match. "

(Southern shakes his head and takes a swallow of water from a bottle in his left hand)

" See that's what I've been tryin' ta' do these last few months. That's what tha' fans, n' tha' announcers, n' even some of tha' boys in tha' back don't understand. If ya' let people like Shawn Mathews take advantage of ya' ... no matter how good you wrestle, no matter how good people think you are ... you're still gonna' get beat. Ta'night, I let mah'self slip back into tha' old Shane Southern mold. You see where it got me. "

" Maybe now people will understand. "

" Then again, probably not. "

" But that's neither here nor there. Next week ... (Southern flashes a crooked grin) ... Eddy Love.

(Southern reaches in his gym back and pulls out Eddy's mink coat and puts it on. He then reaches in and grabs Love's sunglasses and puts them on as well)

" Ya' know Eddy ... ta'night, I think we caught a true glimpse of who Eddy Love really is. You talk a good game ... hell, yer one of tha' very best at it. But when push comes ta' shove ... when it's time ta' put up or shut up ... Eddy Love runs like ah' scaled dog with his tail between his legs. "

" You walk ah'round here claimin' ta' be tha' TRUE Southern dandy ... tha' man that represents what tha' SOUTH is all ah'bout. Well in mah' experience, tha' SOUTH has never backed down from ah' fight. "

" But hey ... now you've got somethin' ta' fight fer. (Southern spreads his arms and turns in a circle) Maybe ah' little motivation 'eh? We all love somethin' in life. Now Eddy ... you get ta' fight fer what YOU love ... "

" Yer image. "

" Come on down Eddy. We all know you love yerself ... n' yer IMAGE ... enough ta' fight fer it. Problem is buddy ... yer fightin' ah' guy that's given up on his IMAGE. "

" I'm takin' you down Love. ... n' then you ... just like so many before ya' will understand tha' catch-phrase ... "

" Party’s Over."

{{...Southern smiles...then walks off. The camera follows him to the waiting car driven by Vivian. The camera stays on the car as it drives out of site ...}}

03-19-04, 02:21 AM
(Eddy Love is in his media room looking out over the Blue Ridge Mountains. He is barefooted wearing a lavender two piece pajama set and drinking champagne from a crystal flute.)

I despise a thief….. I abhor a thug and bully ….. And a coward who prefers to sneak up on someone instead of meeting him face to face is no more than garbage waiting for the proverbial janitor to sweep it to the street.

Shane Southern is now some big man, huh? While Eddy Love is selling Southern‘s own federation, eloquently speaking pertinent truths about the New Frontier South division and everyone involved in what will be it’s thrilling second half, Shane Southern charges the ring, attacks me in my street clothes, steals my thirty five thousand dollar mink coat (sips from his champagne flute) and puts himself in the unenviable number 2 spot on the Southern Dandy’s, note to Shane not the TRUE Southern Dandy’s, but THE Southern Dandy’s “things to do” list.

What was so important that Shane could not wait until The Blue Ridge Bomber’s allotted interview time was over?? What could cause Louisiana’s own slice of American Pie to allow Aaron Douglas to make him such a bad man?? What blockbuster announcement have the NFW fans waited weeks to hear???

Stop the presses, a professional wrestler has allowed his life on the road to put a strain on his family, two people involved in the business have succumbed to those lonely nights on the road and began sleeping together, AND Shane Southern is not man enough to keep his wife happy.

(Love shakes his head in disapproval)

What’s next Shane, you storm the ring during the Main Event to declare there is no Easter Bunny?

(Love’s face reveals his delight in the analogy)

Then Shane, as if you hadn’t become enough of an automatic gag reflex, you go out and tank to the freakin’ Deacon. When you lose to that Mute freak, we all have to listen to the sound bite that’s been replayed weekly for eight years. The sound bite that says the fact that he’s a full seven foot of ugly, that he was born possibly with more natural strength than one hundred percent of humanity that proceeded him, the reality that even at his size he is a world class athlete and that all this played no part in his victory. Shane, you forced me to hear again how all the Deacon’s victories are not even slightly accounted for by his physical attributes, but are instead a direct result of the Faith of Chris Shepherd. Of all your transgressions Shane, that one pisses me off the most.

While that disconcerts me the most, Shane my favorite is you getting on TV with that Fog Horn Leg Horn imitation and declaring that when push comes to shove, Eddy Love runs from a fight. You see Shane, I am not a street fighter. If I had chosen to be then I believe no one on my streets would be safe, but I chose a more lucrative path. Eddy Love is a grappler, a ring tactician. I don’t have to stand and fight for a coat, even a forty five thousand dollar coat, that some common thief has chosen to pilfer. Shane, each man’s definition of a fight probably varies a bit, but what Eddy Love doesn’t run from is a chance to show unequalled skill at holding the world’s greatest athletes’, and occasionally a no talent hacks’ shoulders to *MY* canvass for the count of three.

On the Crash TV replay, I listened to Wild Star call Shane Southern arguably the greatest wrestler in the world today. I’ve heard the experts say that the NFW Ultra Title will come down to Mike Manson and Shane Southern ( Love runs his left hand through his hair then shakes his head allowing it to once again fall perfectly just beyond shoulder length) BUT I got news for the experts Shane, the Ultra Title ain’t no life time achievement award.

Shane Southern was in the right place at the right time. A top draw in a region, that was able to take itself national. That doesn’t make Shane Southern a great wrestler and it certainly doesn’t make him the greatest wrestler in the world today. I’ve scouted Shane Southern….. Above average speed and agility…. Slightly below average strength….. Good mental preparation, great toughness ….. When fatigued a bit sloppy in execution….. And the most limited technical repertoire of any wrestler I’ve ever seen that called himself a main event talent. I’ve walked past more skilled men than you Shane, looking for a match. You’re a hack, Shane, and no matter what you’ve done for this company Quentin Sullivan or even Craig Miles if he’d stuck around will not just hand you the Ultra Title….. and you sure as hell ain’t got what it takes to win it.

So Shane, I think that what will educate you the most is 30, 45 minutes, maybe even an hour of matching skills with Hurricane Eddy Love, a prototype endurance athlete, a tactical perfectionist and possessor of ARGUABLY the greatest in ring cognitive skills in the history of our sport. When that lesson is over, Shane, you will know that I’ve been to every fair ground in every county around the South…… and WHEN HURRICANE EDDY LOVE GOES TO THE FAIR…..

( Love stops shakes off the thought and places his glass on the table talking at, but no longer to the camera)

You know I heard Shane’s line about Eddy Love like so many before him will know the meaning of Shane’s catch phrase, and it made me reflect on my own tag line and to a night 8 years ago on the eve of my winning the CSWA World Title. Of all the proverbial teddy bears that Eddy Love has taken home no opponent knows the sport better than that Damn Hornet, ARGUABLY the greatest opponent I’ve ever faced. On that night, That damn Hornet gave a list of accomplishments and beaten opponents that I almost certainly will never wrestle long enough to equal, but when he finished listing those accolades he looked in the camera and you could feel he was looking right into my eyes and he said “but that doesn’t matter to you does it Eddy, nothing matters to you until I show I can do it against you”. It was a motivating and humbling moment for me….. He was right nothing he had done did matter to me, but the fact that he knew it and the way that he said it, well it sent chills up my spine.

Since that night Shane, I’ve put together a list of accomplishments and beaten opponents that you almost certainly will never wrestle long enough to match and yet you dismiss me (pumps thumb at chest) the Lake Hartwell Heartthrob, as if I’m worthy of no more respect than your average opponent. And then Shane you declare that like so many before me, Eddy Love’s Party is over. (Love’s breaks into a smile not of happiness but of amazement)

Do you know Shane Southern, what party you have declared over??? An eight year orgy of excess and success with a who’s who of party guests. Kevin Powers and Eddy Love went on a year long bash featuring weekly double digit figures of title defenses and quadruple figures of empty beer bottles. Troy Windham and Hurricane Eddy routinely did week long fiestas featuring 10 shows in 9 cities with more pleased women than you’ve ever met, more or less played a part in their pleasure. Kin Hiroshi learned the all night, every night muff diving party was better than every muffin he ever endorsed while he helped me and the Super Sports Network stars force Extreme Wrestling International to seek Global Extreme Wrestling to absorb them rather than watch while we ran their inferior style of wrestling from the Sports network.

So Shane if you do end *this* party then there will be no ARGUABLY to put before it…. You will be the greatest party pooper of all time. I suspect however Shane, that on Sunday morning you no longer have my coat, but instead a vast supply of new knowledge.

When the sun comes up Sunday, Shane, you will know “like so many before you” that when Eddy Love was young he drove his bike off the highest ramps. The Southern Dandy has made love to the finest ladies and I’ve laid down with a few tramps. Most of the greatest men I’ve ever known, have never called me anything other than foe. I’ve had business deals with men I consider evil, and I’ve called a few scoundrels friends…but most undeniably (Loves does not smile but his face brightens with a glow of ecstasy and content) ….WHEN YOU ARE HURRICANE EDDY LOVE, THE SHOW GOES ON FOREVER AND THE PARTY NEVER ENDS.

03-19-04, 11:48 AM
{{...FADE-IN: Shane Southern is standing in front of an NFW ULTRA-TITLE backdrop. He's dressed in jeans and t-shirt. He's holding Eddy Love's mink coat...}}

SHANE SOUTHERN: " Mah, mah Eddy ... that speech was ... well, there just ain't any words. A man like you ... I mean, geezus, you should be writin' speeches for tha' president of tha' United States 'er somethin'. I mean, how could ah' good 'ol boy like ME, expect ta' match wits with ah' guy like you? I mean, I'm a dumb ol' hick right? I'm a guy that ain't had HALF tha' experiences of good ol' Eddy Love. (smirks)

" Give tha' high n' mighty crap ah' rest will ya' Ed? My cow died last night so I don't need your bull. You can sit in that "media room" n' spill that garbage ah'bout me bein' ah' thief all night ... but YOU know, n' EYE know, n' tha' NFW SOUTH fans KNOW that you left that ring faster than ah' cat jumpin' out ah' washin' machine. ... n' be damned what you left behind. N' ya' didn't leave 'cause you were in street clothes, it whatnt 'cause yer a wrestler, not a street brawler, it was 'cause you were scared sh**BLEEP**less that I was gonna' put mah' left boot ah'bout three inches up yer nose. "

" But make no mistake ah'about it Ed ... I don't think yer some two bit hack that just climbed out ah' hole somewhere. I KNOW who Eddy Love is. I KNOW that yer one HELL uva' wrestler. Hell, I can even ADMIT that you've done more in this sport than me, beaten bigger names than me ... n' quite possibly even partied a little harder than me. But ALL that Eddy don't mean JACK **BLEEP** when you step into tha' ring with me. LISTEN to yer own words. Where you were when Hornet uttered that phrase ... that's where I am now. Until you prove ta' me ... INSIDE that ring ... that yer better than me ... it don't matter how many eloquent speeches you make ... it don't matter how many insults ya' throw out ... it don't matter how many legends you've ran with ... you've got ta' be yer OWN man ... n' go up against one of tha' best damn wrestlers in tha' WORLD ta'day. "

" Now, I can hear it now ... how can I possibly say I'm one of tha' best? I lost ta' Deacon. I've lost ta' Dan Ryan ... I've lost ta' other men ... n' I'm sure as HELL gonna' loose again. What makes me top notch is ah' combination of it all ... I put it ta'gether for tha' COMPLETE package Eddy, but that's somethin' ya' clearly don't understand. Cause ta' listen ta' yer little evaluation of me...it's CLEAR you've paid exactly ZERO attention ta' what type of wrestler I actually am. Speed. It's above average...strength, ABOVE average ... technical ability? I can go with tha' best of 'em. But what makes me complete ... what makes me BETTER than most ... what makes me BETTER than YOU ... is DESIRE. NOBODY wants ta' win more than me. NOBODY puts it ALL on tha' LINE each n' every NIGHT ... regardless of opponent ... like I do. I LIVE n' BREATH this sport ... n' that makes me more dangerous than you can POSSIBLY imagine. "

" But not only that Eddy. Now I've found out something ah'bout mah'self. NOW I KNOW who Shane Southern IS. I don't have ah'lot ah' CRAP rollin' ah'round in mah' head ... n' pretty soon, I'm gonna' FLUSH those pieces ah' crap named Shawn Mathews n' Aaron Douglas, right down tha' toilet where they can be amongst friend n' family. Ya' see, tha' ONLY thing that's been holdin' Shane Southern back ... is Shane Southern. I've ALLOWED mah'self ta' be distracted by people that aren't worth mah' time n' energy. I've ALLOWD mah'self ta' become somethin' I'm not ... but now ... things are different. N' believe it or not, it started with tha' match with Deacon. "

" Yeah, I lost tha' match. But I showed tha' WORLD what kind of WRESTLER I am. I showed tha' WORLD that once Shane Southern ELIMINATES tha' distractions, he's tha' best there is. Come CRASH Eddy, I'm gonna' make SURE, one way or tha' other, that Shawn Mathews ain't out there. N' then ... you can rest assured of ONE thing Eddy. I'm not gonna' be tha' guy you've heard ah'bout. I'm not gonna' BE tha' guy that's gonna' stand by n' LET things happen ta' him. Douglas and Mathews will get what's comin' ta' THEM ... just like at CRASH, yer gonna' get what's comin' ta' YOU. "

(Southern picks up Love's coat off the floor and hangs it on his arm)

" You want this back? I'll be in tha' ring at CRASH. N' weather ya' like it or not ... if it's a travesty or not ... come CRASH, I expose you for what ya' are. I END Eddy Love's party n' show you that tha' NFW is Shane Southern’s yard, n' HERE, yer just another guy lookin' ta' steal mah bone. "

" N' I HATE it when people try n' steal mah stuff."

(Southern flashes a cocky grin)

" Party's Over. "

{{...FADE OUT...}}

03-23-04, 06:48 PM
(Eddy Love is in his private gym, leaning over the ropes wearing wrestling trunks and a “what’s not to LOVE about nfw” T-Shirt. The shirt is dripping with sweat and his nose is dripping prespiration, but his hair is bone dry and sprayed to golden perfection.)

Let’s keep things straight here, Shane, you’re the one calling yourself a hick. Some of the wisest people I’ve known could be referred to as hicks, so don’t act as if I don’t speak the dumb southern bit. Usually the dumber the country boy sounds the faster he’s picking the pocket of Joe Fancy Business Man with his Chapel Hill Diploma. Shane called Shane a hick. Eddy called Shane a hack of the no talent variety. Only one letter off but worlds of difference in meaning, Southern Boy.

Eddy Love run for President, huh? Smartest thing I’ve heard you say, Southern. I know I’d carry the deep South better than The Drinker and the Massachusetts Liberal. I mean let Eddy Love wrestle Jack Shirack, Yassir Arrafat and Ariel Sharon in a triple threat handicap, winner gets control of the others' people. After I whipped them all, I’d give France to the Palestinians for a homeland. Then the Jews would only have towel heads around them that they’d already crushed so badly it’d work like my Labrador’s invisible fence and next time the Germans decided to conquer the world they’d at least have some fightin’ sons of *****es on their border instead of grown men cooking their soldiers crepes as they claimed their women, yea crepes, which is homo for thin pancake.

But I digress, let’s face it Eddy Love talking about being President is about as silly as Power Master feeling the Power of shozbot, Lady Freedom mutating into a Super Heroine or Lindsey Troy claiming to have more money than Calvin’s Momma. Plus there’s no way I could take the pay cut that comes with going from King of the Wrestling industry to President of the United States. So let’s get back to the point at hand, Shane Southern’s back yard and this Mah Bone he thinks I’m trying to steal.

First off Shane, I don’t know what a mah bone is but if it’s something that you own, then Eddy Love almost certainly has a bigger one, a faster one or one from a more expensive mah bone store. As for the NFW being your back yard, Shane, well at one time it was, my man….. You had you, and Cuba’s national jack ass, and Ryconick and Manson and few other good small time wrestlers and yall ran around and bit each other on the ankles and sniffed each other’s ass and you stomped your little foot on the ground and kicked them in the chin, Shane, I’m sure it was a happy pack of dogs……. Problem is boy, Miles took down your fence and in walked the big dogs like Joey Melton and The Southern Dandy on the South side and Avery Prosser and his pack of rotweillers on the North and now, big dog, you’d be better off keeping your skinny little keister on the porch than trying to claim my New Frontier South as your back yard. The name’s the same Shane, but New Frontier is an upgraded product that has way outgrown your skill level. Aaron Douglas was the only thing that was ever big time about you and you kicked him to the curb.

Your little scouting report correction was pretty much just a home town version of mine. Your thoughts about how you match wits with me pretty much echoed my evaluation, I agree you‘re a half wit. So basically all I took from your eloquent rebuttal was what is a mah bone and what the hell are you putting a cat in a washing machine for. It’s funny Shane, I can’t tell if you think you are among the elite in this industry or if you think that this run at the Ultra Title is your chance to be among the great of my sport. You supply a list of pinfalls you’ve suffered in the last few weeks that’s just about as long as my 8 year list of defeats and I feel like I’ve let my fans down losing that many times while those Eddy Love Lovers look on. Then in your next breath you tell me how your desire makes you better than the Blue Ridge Bomber himself.

So let me offer my opinion in case the term no talent hack fell on deaf ears, boy…… enjoy your last nights as the favorite son of *MY* South, enjoy wearing Hurricane Eddy Love’s mink coat, ‘cause you’ll never be man enough to fill his shoes. At Crash TV, you had better bring a little more than the desire to kick me in the face, Shane, cause it’s not gonna be quite that easy. Pack your midnight snack, maybe even breakfast, boy, ‘cause as always all night is all right for Hurricane Eddy…… and when you’re Hurricane Eddy Love THE SHOW GOES ON FOREVER AND THE PARTY NEVER ENDS.