View Full Version : [CD] Bravo...

01-29-04, 12:30 PM

A smallish, plump white man in his mid-40's walks past the camera. He's wearing a rumpled suit and talking on two cellular phones at once. He looks not unlike Jerry Krause and Roseanne's love child...and about as athletic. In the background we can see steam coming from the shower. finishes the calls then hangs up and turns to the camera. He flings tiny droplets of spittle at the camera while he speaks.

Bravo...bravo Mister "Cross" (he makes little quotation marks in the air with his fingers.) Excellent work. Now why don't you SHUT UP for a second and let me tell people about what's really important. You see...while I didn't have much time to read your entire "bio"...or listen to much of what you said...a CROSS is a religious symbol. A SIGN of people's FAITH...if you will. So maybe you will understand that I come here today as a PROPHET...a man who has SEEN the light and has come to tell others all about it.
But what I peddle is NOT "FAITH." On the contrary my foolish ally...it is the TRUTH. Because I am SPORTS AGENT EX(spits)TRAORDINAIRE Mark Pool. And I represent the GREATEST ATHLETE on the face of this stinkin' earth today. An athletic...SEXUAL...physical...inteLLECTUAL...psyc hological... mythological and pedagogical SPECIMEN. Mr. Cross...you should get down on your KNEES and thank your PAGAN GOD that he has blessed you with your partner this evening. Because he CAN AND WILL carry your no-talent ass all the way to the top.
A master of grappling. He has ELEVATED this sport of sweaty neanderthals to an ART...and he works the mat like DA VINCI worked a canvas. And in fact...he is quite an accomplished painter himself. He is even a musician...the man who TAUGHT SIMON COWELL how to tell a good s(spits)singer. Yes...Cross you ignorant nincompoop...I come here today to announce the arrival of the one...the only...the RENAISSANCE MAN. And after he kicks Doc Silver and Cane's asses with wrestling ability...he will make you wash his feet in front of the masses. And you will gladly do so...because you WILL BE IN AWE.
Get READY worm...because nothing I say can PREPARE you!

Both of Pool's cellphones go off again...to the respective tunes of "The Ride of the Valkyries" and "The Blue Danube." He answers them simultaneously.