View Full Version : Matthews/Southern (w/ A.Douglas) vs. Hornet/Melton (w/ L.Troy)

11-20-03, 05:08 AM
Stipulation: B.Y.O.B.

11-21-03, 01:48 PM
{{...FADE-IN: Various clips from WEEK 6 of CRASH TV play on a wide-screen TV....}}

[H'WOOD: "...lets face it the Ultratitle is driving Southern out of his mind..."]

[SOUTHERN: "...fans are wonderin' what tha' HELL is wrong..."]

[WILDSTAR: "I don't know what's happening with Shane Southern's mind right now."]

[WILDSTAR: "He's made it abundantly clear that he's willing to risk the price of losing everything, including a family life, to feel the reward in winning the Ultratitle."]

[H'WOOD: (V/O) "Well he's losing his mind, I don't care what you say."]

[O'CONNOR: Southern now looking down at the unmoving body of Chris McMillan, and now he glances back at Douglas who's smiling like he just pulled off the biggest coo in the history of the sport.]

[H'WOOD: He may have. Many, MANY people have tried to lure Southern to the dark side, I think Aaron Douglas may have done what they couldn't.]

[O'CONNOR: "...I sure am disappointed in Shane Southern."]

[RICE: "WHY SHANE WHY!?!?!?...]

{{...CUT-TO: Shane Southern, sitting in the dark, the only light is from the TV playing the clips of Week 6. Southern's dressed like he hasn't changed since he left the arena after CRASH. He's wearing a grey sweat suit, and is sporting Three-day facial hair. His long, brown hair is a mess on his head, and his eyes are a weary window to his tortured self. Perhaps most disturbingly, a dented steel chair sits in front of him, gripped by his right hand....}}

SHANE SOUTHERN: " I don't expect ta' hear from you Chris, I expect our friendship is probably over...I can't blame you really, I'm not tha' man you were friends with. I'm ah' worthless shell of that man...I GAVE UP bein' that man, I sold mah' soul for a SHOT at fools gold, n' now I gotta' live with tha' results. "

" Alotta' people are askin' WHY. WHY would you do that to yer friend? WHY would you sell out n' become Aaron Douglas' flunky. {{...Southern sighs and looks down at the chair...}} If you only KNEW why, you wouldn't be askin' tha' question. MY life, it's not ah squeaky clean choir boy life. I've done things I'm not proud of, I've been in places I don't wanna' go back to. I THOUGHT I had put all of that behind me. But I suppose you can never out run yer past. Somewhere down tha' line, some computer nerd with WAY too much time on his hands will find out, n' all you worked for, yer WHOLE LIFE is fer nuthin'. "

" Aaron Douglas, you're ah' worthless piece of crap. You've taken part of mah' self n' used it fer your own gain in this sport. What I do, EYE do. I don't get other people ta' do it FOR me. I turned on Chris because it's what YOU wanted. I'm not gonna' let you tarnish what I've accomplished in this sport. I'm NOT gonna' let you cast a shadow on all tha' good I've done. Right now, I may be doin' a good job of that mah'self, but I'm tarnishin' tha' PRESENT, not tha' past. As soon as tha' Ultra-title is done, I'm walkin' away. "

{{...Southern pauses for a moment in deep thought, takes a drink from the can of Budweiser sitting next to him, and continues...}}

" That's right. This is it fer me...tha' ULTRA-TITLE will be mah' LAST stand. This sport be DAMNED. It's not worth tha' pain anymore. It's not worth MY SOUL. So Aaron, I'm gonna' do what I have ta' do ta' keep yer ass quiet fer a few more months, then...you can tell tha' WORLD fer all I care...'cause I'm OUT. "

{{...Southern rises and stares deep into the camera...}}

" Hornet, Melton...in reality this really should be ah' barnburner uva' match. N' I apologize fer not givin' it tha' attention it deserves. Hornet, you n' I don't see eye ta' eye on ah' lotta' things, but I think that maybe if ANYBODY can understand, it's you. "

" Don't get me wrong gentleman. I'm prepared for this match. I'm workin' hard, n' I'm comin' ta' dish out ah few' ass whippin's....mah' PARTNER included if he don't mind his Ps and Qs. But I don't feel tha' need ta' examine strategy, I don't feel tha' need ta' hurl insults back n' forth. All I feel tha' NEED ta' do right now, is cause as much PAIN as I'm feelin' mah'self. "

" That's bad news fer you guys. "

" I'm comin' fer some more points gentleman, TRY n' stop me. "

" Party's Over. "

{{...FADE OUT as Southern drops the chair on the floor and walks away...}}

11-22-03, 08:12 PM
(Fade-in: Joey Melton standing in a posh hotel-room, hair immaculately combed, and wearing a suit that would rival Armani's winter fashion line. Lindsay Troy is in the background, applying eyeliner. The bandage is off her eye, but it's not looking entirely good. Cover-up works wonders, though.)

MELTON: Aaron Douglas?

(Melton laughs)

Is it just me or was that unmasking about as anti-climatic as Deidre Hall taking a bump on Friday’s DAYS OF OUR LIVES? Now, millions of us are supposed to be on suicide watch for two days while we ponder if Deidre’s really leaving DAYS, if Marlena is packing up and moving to the next world. But, before we start arranging our album collection in autobiographical order as a tribute to John Black’s wife, we know good and well the time and effort is wasted. She’ll pull through. Sure, she’ll never be the same, how can you be after a close call, but Mrs. Black is going nowhere. Lesson here: stick with killin’ extras or young studs with a real future to progress to.

Applied said logic to Douglas.

You lose fifty percent shock value by bringing in a mug most of your audience has never heard of. Nice sell though by the team. It almost made my dead mother watching at home, sit up in her coffin and take notice.

As I said when the masked killer was running loose only two weeks ago, I don’t care. So, Douglas, you crawled out of the same hole Matthews has to resurface. That’s beautiful. Here in the NFW, they can oversell things because of the scant national coverage. But there are some of us who know better, and I’m one of them. Forgive me if the walls of my world aren’t collapsing from shock. I was expecting more. And as is the theme of your pitiful career Douglas, you failed to deliver. Nice to see some things never change.

(Troy walks to Melton, impatiently tapping her left foot. He could go on for hours; she knows it.)

Bring your own bag? Lovely. I bring her every week. I look forward to seeing what’s brought by the rest of you this week, as I have my doubts that it can top the sweetest pair of legs in Florida and a tight....

(Troy cuts in front of Melton, shooting him a look to kill.)

Troy: AS for you, Shane Southern, I was sincerely hoping to meet you under more pleasant circumstances, but given the current situation, there aren't much pleasantries to be had.

I was hoping that our first meeting would have been a little calmer than this. Y'know, shake hands, shoot the sh*t, that sort of thing. But instead of meeting you face to face, my face almost met the steel chair you held in your hands.

Is that really any way to treat someone that you're meeting for the first time? I thought that southern men had a little more class than that. Apparently I've been spoiled by the company that I keep.

I've heard a lot of stories about you, Shane, and there's probably more that I haven't heard. But never once did I think that the stories that were told to me would turn out to be nothing but falsehoods.

So what are you now, Shane? A puppet to the man? I'm sure that when Matthews and Douglas jerk your strings it sends a nice little tingle through your body, but whatever it is that they're holding over you must be pretty bad that you can't even stand up for yourself.

(She waves her hand, dismissively.)

But I digress. Your past is of no consequence to me. But what is of consequence to me is paying you back for that little stunt you tried to pull.

I honestly don't give a damn about any sanctions that "The Committee" decided to put on me, at least not this week, because anything goes. Ya'see, I've got a few things lined up for you Shane, because I think you're a little b*tch who's playing tag-a-long with a couple of sh*theads.

Trust me Shane, it takes a b*tch to know a b*tch.

And Aaron Douglas...I don't know who pissed in your cornflakes, but since you had the audacity to mess up my beautiful face, I ensured myself the opportunity to mess up your ugly mug.

I already talked to Craig Miles, and he was kind enough to grant me my proposal.

At the All-Star week, you and I are going to have a little tête-*-tête in the ring, and I assure you, that when you walk out of the arena that night, your face will be a demented cubism creation that will rival Pablo Picasso's work.

Thus far, you have been adrift in the sheltered harbor of my patience, and I don't see the seas becoming any calmer in the near future.

(Melton winks and Troy, elbowing her lightly to the side.)

MELTON: She’s always got a mouthful, that’s for sure. (Troy’s blood boils: strike two.) The party’s never over, Southern. Not for me anyway. While you and Matthews put your submissive heads together to decide upon the weapons of mass destructive, do yourself a favor and drop the other bag you carry over your shoulder. That damn chip that no one is buying into.

Poor Shawn Southern’s lost his scout badge. Douglas is a horrible, horrible creature. Southern, we’re not auditioning for a church play every week out here. The unwed pregnant mothers who support you, realize this, as do the cancer patients who were told by Make’a’Wish: Meeting Michael Jackson’s no long a viable option. Point being, we weren’t stupid enough to buy into the “new” Shawn Southern, the one who stopped gambling and swearing like a sailor. I know it felt great, son. Walking into a high school gym to meet two hundred strong here in the NFW, believing you were a hero, buying into your own lie that the paper used to construct life-size Shawn Southern posters wasn’t wasted. So you woke one day and realized the ‘aw shucks Jethro act could earn you free p****. I don’t hold it against you for taking advantage. Dry your eyes though. Hypocrisy doesn’t become you. You’ve been the same heavy drinking, barely legal bedding good ‘ole boy you were when you broke into this sport. Only difference is you started winning. And winning is a cure for all ills, even those leading you to hell.

Blame Douglas for being the top if you want. That’s cool. But stop cutting the “poor me” promos and expecting the world to give a damn, because it doesn’t. The irritants that clean your merchandising off the shelves don’t do it thinking they’ve found a father figure. The do it because their own fathers are even worse. You’re the lesser of two evils Southern. Bonus points to Aaron for attempting to make you understand.

Hornet...we’ve driven the same road for 15 years now. Despite what we think about each other, we both know the only thing these jokers have on their side is the recent lunar eclipse.

Rare occurrences.

That’s the hope you have boys of beating God’s second hand picked couple, first being Adam and Eve. Like Marlena dying. It could happen. But, those betting on it need money to lose, and a strong stomach.

(Joey eyes Troy.)

Anything else?

(Lindsay’s mouth opens, but Melton quickly covers it with his left hand.)

Apparently not.


11-23-03, 03:51 AM
(FADEIN to 'Showtime' SHAWN MATTHEWS, sitting in his expanded hotel room.. sipping on a Captain and Coke. Matthews is wearing a pair of Adidas pants and a Hollister t-shirt. He's rockin' out the five-o'clock shadow, and has a backwards Chiefs hat on his head...)

SHAWN MATTHEWS: "So finally, let the truth be told. After all of this time, since the start of this tournament, I've been talking to someone on the phone... and it just so happened to be Aaron Douglas. A man who had faith in me, a man who knew that I had it in me to win the Ultratitle. At some point in time, he had more faith in me than I had in myself. You see, when the draft was held last summer, I didn't even want to be a part of the NFW. Heh, I barely wanted anything to do with professional wrestling anymore. I was sick of it all, and ready to move on in my life. Everyone looked at me as a NEVER-WAS, and they didn't want me to succeed. It got to a point, that I believed the hype. I BELIEVED... that I wasn't fu**in' good enough to make it in the NFW. There was Shane Southern, and he was the BEGINNING, and he was the END... as far as the NFW was concerned. I couldn't beat this guy. Hell, I didn't even deserve to be on the same card as him. That was the thinking of the NFW. Hold down the people who had the most to say about how much the league SUCKED A D*CK! I didn't really have any other reason to bash the league other than the fact that I didn't have a chance. No one wanted to see Shawn Matthews succeed in the NFW, because this was the biggest league in the world... well, besides the CSWA."

(Matthews sets down his drink, and stares into the camera...)

SHAWN MATTHEWS: "For the past several weeks, I've wrestled the BIGGEST STARS IN THIS SPORT... EVER! Shane Southern, Joey Melton, Hornet... and honestly, I haven't done too badly for myself. I've got 40 points, and I'm second place in my division to Jean Rabesque. Well you know what I have to say about Jean Rabesque? He can go f**k himself! This week, I'm in this match... and looking back at the beginning of the NFW, no one would have ever picked this thing to happen. I'm not just some accessory in possibly the BIGGEST MATCH in the new NFW.... I'm a PLAYER! This week I team up with Shane Southern, and we're facing Melton and Hornet. The three guys who made me strive to win the Ultratitle in the first place... we're all in the same match. I didn't stick around because Mike Manson was around. I didn't stick around because I knew Dan Ryan was getting wins left and right. I stuck around because of these three guys. While I hate each and every one of them, I also respect them. Hornet and Melton... and I'll never admit this again, but they're two of the guys that made me want to be a professional wrestler. I saw all of the fame and the notoriety that they received because of their accomplishments in the CSWA. Aaron Douglas, he was the first of SEVERAL... to have FAITH, IN ME!"

(Matthews picks his drink back up, takes a sip, and then sets it down...)

SHAWN MATTHEWS: "No one's ever given a DAMN, about Shawn Matthews. Everyone has always wanted to see me fail. Story of my life. No one wanted me as a champ, in any capacity. Well times have changed, and I'm older and I'm wiser. Aaron Douglas made the smartest decision of his life when he helped kick-start the SHOWTIME EXPRESS! You see, because I'm going to OUTSHINE Southern... I'm going to OUTSHINE Hornet... and last but not least, I'm going to OUTSHINE Troy Melton. People who are just getting back into watching wrestling... they're looking at this match, and wondering exactly why Shawn Matthews is even a part of it. Those who have been keeping up with the NFW, though, they KNOW... with all of their G*D-D*MN HEART... that Shawn Matthews DESERVES to be in this match. And as much SH*T as Hornet and Melton may talk, they know that I belong here too..."

(Matthews pauses, looking choked up... then gets his act together..)

SHAWN MATTHEWS: " Shane Southern, you're my partner against Hornet and Melton. I don't like you, Shane. As a matter of fact, I may even like you less than either of those guys. But we're a team, and our goal is to win the match and get the points that matter in the whole thick of things. You're struggling right now, man. You can't deal with the fact that my boy, Aaron Douglas, is using you... but at the same time, not even believing that you are his meal ticket. He believes in me, not you, Southern... he knows who his champ is, and it's the guy who's looking at you right now. Week Seven, the NFW's going to see something, that should've been obvious from the start. I am the man, I am the best... and I AM, ALL THERE FU**IN' IS!"


11-23-03, 10:49 PM
(FADEIN: Hornet is once again in his Greensboro, NC home, but not in the media room or the gym. This time we get a glimpse of part of his bedroom. Hornet is lying on a larger-than-king-sized bed. He sits up.)

I hate to be the one to break the news to you Shawn, but there's still nobody that gives a damn about you. You're right, you're in the biggest match the NFW has had this season... but the fans are still singing that old song from your favorite TV show: "One of these things is not like the other... one of these things is totally different."

Glad to hear you're real goal is to 'outshine' a man who isn't even the sport right now. Or were you planning to go 'outshine' Troy on the set of his current movie? No, I guess you'll just have to deal with the old-timers, Joey and I.

What's it like knowing that the only man to have faith in you in the world is putting on an act just to get back at me? Has Aaron told you about how I used him as my own personal punching bag, and then used him as my own personal lackey?

But that's what you're good at, isn't it, Shane? It's the one thing in life you're world-class at... being a lackey. How sad is it that you have to go and find someone to have faith in you, because you don't even believe in yourself.

I'd hate to be in your shoes, "Showtime." Your partner can't stand you, you've got two men who don't care whether you live or die as your opponents. Your 'faithful friend' is out for himself... and if he makes a wrong move, you can kiss your shot at the top spot goodbye.

You went for the big splash, Shawn. You went for the 'Showtime surprise,' which was so predictable that I had an old friend at my back ready to jump in, and Joey and his girl Friday were right there too. And let's be honest, if even Joey can see through a plan, then it was really, truly bad. You went to make the big wave... but all you did was put yourself between the unstoppable force and the immovable object. Add Joey and Lindsay to that, and you've got a touch of crazy and a woman scorned.

Remind me never to stand within a hundred feet the next time you come up with a plan, okay?

(Hornet stands up from the bed and walks to a nearby closet. He turns to the side, his hand on the doorknob.)

It's okay, though. I find the best plans are the simple ones. You know what they say, don't you? How there's nothing that hasn't been done before in wrestling?

(Hornet opens the door and steps into the large, walk-in closet. He's lost in the darkness of the closet for a moment, but apparently knows what he's looking for. A moment later, half of his face appears out of the shadows.)

Sorry, Shawn... but since Krusher had to bow out, I guess you'll be the lucky recipient. If you're dumb enough to show up.

Just remember though... when you're reminded about how you force me to take care of business... remember that it was just that, business. It's nothing personal.

See you soon, Shawn.


11-23-03, 11:12 PM
(Hornet has made his way downstairs inside his home. This time he's standing in front of an open refrigerator. As he closes the door, he picks up a glass or orange juice, apparently freshly-poured. He takes a sip as he looks at the ever-present camera.)

You're right, Shane, a lot of people are asking why.

I'm not one of those people.

And right again... I may be one of the only people around that can understand.

But that doesn't mean I sympathize.

(He takes another sip.)

See, here's the problem, Shane. You talk about not wanting to tarnish the past... so you're going to get out... after another nine or ten matches.

You feel like you're under Douglas' thumb, that he's holding something over your head... but you come after ME with a chair.

You're a hypocrite, Shane. You want me to sympathize because I know what you're going through, but you want to walk over me to stay in first place. You want to stop Douglas from revealing your deep, dark secret... but instead of going after him, you've decided you're just gonna disappear.

Something doesn't add up, Shane.

But just in case you're being honest here... just in case you're confused and a little misguided, let me give you some advice you didn't ask for.

Whatever it is... whatever is was... it's not worth giving up everything you've worked for. It's not worth giving up everything you are, no matter what people will think. Because if you give in this time... there will be another time... and another. It never gets better, Shane. And in the end, all the secrets come out anyway.

Look at me... what has gone on in my life in the last ten years or so that people don't know about by now. My relationships, my one-night stands, my addictions and crutches, my fears and shortcomings... they're all out in the open. Hell, that's what guys like your partner and his not-so-mystery man are trying to hang their careers on.

It's not worth it, Shane. Not unless you're ready to give everything up... everything.

(Fadeout as Hornet holds the half-empty glass over the sink and slowly pours out the rest of the contents.)

11-25-03, 01:07 AM
(FADEIN to 'Showtime' SHAWN MATTHEWS, walking around a local mall. He finally walks into a candy store, and looks around... he sees three children, smiling and laughing. There's no adults to be seen.. Matthews walks out of the candy store, and sits on a bench...)

"It's like a guilty pleasure, isn't it? These kids have no concept of the big picture. They don't realize that when their neglective parents finally catch up with them, will they be in trouble. The sugar rush now, and the joy of spending their parents hard-earned money on a few minutes of bliss. It'll all catch up to them in time, though. Their parents will scold them, and even give them a slap on the wrist for their indiscretions..."

"That's how you view me, in your eyes, Hornet. You see me as a gleeful child, excited that I'm in one of the biggest matches in my career. I look at the man who will be standing next to me, and it's Shane Southern. A legend in his own right. He's held titles all around the world, and he's done it with pride... until now. Just like each and every one of those parents who will show disdain to their children, it's the same way that the fans view Southern now. He did a few wrong things here and there, and he's getting more than a slap on the wrist for it.."

"I don't trust him for a minute. I know that as soon as he'll make the tag to me this week, he'll slap me across the face with a chair like he did the last time we stood face to face. That's all well and fine with me, because I know where he stands. I don't know exactly what Aaron has on him, and frankly I don't care."

"But getting back to you, Hornet, I know exactly where you stand. You're looking at me like I'm some sort of AS**OLE kid, who's curently enjoying his sugar rush. Well I've got news for ya, Hornet, that's not the case. I didn't just so happen to end up in this match. Look at the standings. I'm still fighting for the top spot, and we're almost half-way through."

"Most people figured that I was going to be the guy who led guys like YOU, guys like MELTON... to a lot of points. I'd be the guy who'd be pinned, week in, and week out. Well I've got news for you, Hornet, YOU'RE FU**IN' WRONG!"

"And your buddy, Melton... he can blow me, too. I've taken each of you, hell... all three of you, to the limit, Aaron Douglas or not. The Showtime Express sure as HELL, ain't gonna be stopped any time soon... especially by a slew of has-beens."

"Week Seven, all three of you see that I'm as real as they come. And if this is all a FLUKE, I dare all three of your G*D-DA*N ASSES to PROVE ME WRONG!"


11-25-03, 04:52 PM
{{...FADE-IN: Shane Southern is sitting behind a large oak desk. He's dressed in camouflage clothes and hat. His "office" is decorated with various hunting, drinking, and wrestling photographs as well as a few stuffed deer heads. There is a stack of mail a foot tall sitting in front of him and it looks like he has just started going through it...}}

SHANE SOUTHERN: " On probation huh? Well fergive me fer not respondin' sooner, but huntin' season just started this past Saturday n' I been in tha' woods ferra' few days...got back to mah' ROOTS so ta' speak. I come home, n' find out I've been put on probation. {{...waives the paper in front of the camera...}} NFW, you can take yer probation n' shove it up yer ASS. Fer all I've done fer this federation, fer ALL tha' butts I've put in tha' seats, fer ALL tha' GOD <BLEEP> MONEY I made you, n' I get treated like sh<bleep>. You SEE what's goin' on here, yet somehow you think putin' me on some kinda PROBATION is gonna' stop it? {{...shakes his head and laughs...}} You have no idea. Craig Miles, Sully ... you've lost touch. You've forgotten what made tha' NFW great, n' it's gonna' cost ya' in tha' end. "

{{...Shane shrugs, wads up the "notification" and tosses a hook shot into the waist basket across the room...}}

" Go take a long run offa' short bridge boys, I could care less ah'bout yer PROBATION. Strip me of five points, TEN...hell I'm STILL gonna' be there in tha' end...I'm STILL gonna' take home tha' Ultra-Title, n' there ain't ah' DAMN THING you can do ta' stop me. "

{{...Southern POUNDS the desk with his fist, then gets an almost blank stare on his face. He shakes his head in frustration before taking a LONG drink from a Budweiser can sitting on the desk...}}

" Ya' know, tha' more I think ah'bout it, yer probably right Joey. I never really changed. I'm ah' back-woods Southern boy raised on tha' street of N'Alwins. I drink, I cuss, I spit, I fight, I SAY what's on mah' mind weather ya' wanna' HEAR it or not. I'm not a role-model, I'm NOT somebody people should CHEER for. I'm a sun-uva-b<BLEEP>tch Joey, n' that's never changed. But what HAS changed is tha' fact that now, winnin' matches takes more than it did a year ago. Steppin' inta' that ring takes MORE effort. Not 'cause I've lost ah' step, but because tha' competition has changed. I can't expect ta' be who I was, n' still win. People like YOU...people like Shawn Mathews, Aaron Douglas, n' COUNTLESS others won't allow that. "

" You know tha' old sayin'...you gotta' fight fire WITH fire?....Well it's never been more TRUE that it is RIGHT here, RIGHT now. Only if ya' play with fire often enough, sooner or later, yer gonna' get BURNED. I got burned by Aaron Douglas. He's gotta' hold on me that I can't explain right now. What I can say is that it's no longer FUN for me anymore. It's not worth havin' ta' beat up yer friends ta' get ahead. It's not worth doin' tha' biddin' of Aaron Douglas. Hornet, I can see where you're comin' from...n' yer right too. I am a hypocrite. I talk a good game...but in tha' end, I'm gonna' do what it takes ta' win. "

" It's hard ta' explain, even to mah'self. I'm stayin' here for ONE reason Hornet, and that's ta' win tha' Ultra-title. Ya' see, in tha' long run, once I'm gone from this sport, ten, twenty years from now, people will forget what Aaron Douglas has over me, they'll look back on a great career, capped off by an Ultra-title win, n' they'll know that I was somethin' special. But if I stay, I become somethin' different. People begin ta' doubt who I am, tha' WRESTLER I've been all these years becomes discredited and people start ta' wonder who I truly was. Tha' Ultra-title win then becomes buried under all tha' speculation and wonder. "

" I will say THIS Hornet, if I had WANTED to hit you with tha chair, you'd have quite tha' bump on yer head right now. That goes fer YOU TOO Troy. I've got nuthin' against EITHER of you...in fact, I've got tha' highest amount of RESPECT fer ya' both. Yer were simply in tha' WRONG place at tha' WRONG time. Troy, you've associated yerself with Melton, by choice or not, n' THAT makes you fair game if you stand in mah' way. You can think what you wanna' think MISS Troy, but that don't make you right. N' ta' tell ya' tha' truth my QUEEN, you've got no business callin' me a tag along when yer carryin' Joey Melton's bags. Pot. Kettle. Black. End of story. "

" But hey, all this, in tha' grand scheme of things, doesn't matter much. We still gotta' match ta' wrestle. Shawn Mathews, while not tha' sharpest knife in tha' drawer, is one HELL uva' wrestler, n' right now I'd say we got one HELLUVA' good chance at beatin' you boys. I'm lookin' fer a few points here, n' I'm gonna' take 'em any way I can get 'em. See you boys, and LADY, in tha' ring. "

" Party's Over. "

{{...FADE OUT...}}

11-25-03, 10:44 PM
(FADEIN: Joey Melton in front of a tattered blue NFW backdrop, open-mouthed and aghast at the range of Matthew’s stupidity.)

MELTON: Matthews, I keep asking myself if you can possibly be as dumb as you let on, and just when I make a favorable ruling, you open your mouth.

Let me school you on a sad little fact here: the smart ones have already dropped out.

There's a general misconception floating that the NFW's version of the ULTRATITLE has sufficient substance. Let's be real jackass, Eli Flair is at home while the f'king Muffin Man fills in. At the rate people are accepting better offers, Miles will be forced to hold the Final Four in two weeks. By process of elimination you may be there, but said feat won't earn you a spot at the cool kids' table.

The reality is, you need this Matthews. While the rest of us either need to keep busy while we dry out, or as is the case with Dan Ryan, can't say no. Ryan does birthday parties for crying out loud, and his attendance in the NFW is supposed to mean what? That your life isn't a ****ing waste?

Sorry son, you need to look deeper than the giddiness of conversing with Aaron Douglas, and amassing a hand full of points in a half-ass version of the UTLRATITLE.

Okay I’ll say it if it’ll spur you on to cutting better promos.

Yes Shane...you belong here.

Yes Shane, you’re a man amongst boys.

Yes Shane...you took me to the limits.

And yes Shane...there’s considerable sarcasm in the tone of my voice right now.

You earned entry into this tournament the same way Marx, or ****ing Poe did. Better applicants refused to reply. But congratulations you said yes, and here you are a step away from being completely deluded. It’s kind of a reoccurring theme to your life, is it not? Out of the business you find humility and peace, while inside of it you stick a pole in your ass and tell anyone who will listen you’re the best damn sodomizer in town.

Oh sorry. That sorta didn’t make any sense did it?

We’ll call it my allotted “Matthews Moment” and move on.

Point is irritant, self-publishing is passe. Your bitter, grunge man gimmick is old. But again congratulations, Miles is a retro loving freak. You’re one man’s guilty pleasure, Shane. That’s the hook you hang your hat on every night.

I stepped out of our last match on the notion that, if Troy comes around quick enough my chivalry might have gotten me laid. I gave up a p*ssy, for p*ssy. Sadly Troy has standards. You weren’t the ***** I wanted that night, but Shane...just for you, just to validate your worthless existence I may, and I say may because I refuse to plan ahead, put down the drink for one night and tear into your ass.

For one night, and one night only I’m going to take this joke seriously.

Bring your momma’s best bag *****...because I’m about to make a man out of you.

And the first step to that is learning how to take your ass kickings well.

“Please and Thank You” will do just fine.


11-25-03, 11:21 PM
(FADEIN to 'Showtime' SHAWN MATTHEWS, at a local Gold's Gym. We see him put up 3 reps of 400 pounds, and finish off. Matthews sits up on the bench, and stares into the camera...)

"Ah, Joseph, there you are. After days of silence, you finally decide to show your ugly mug... and all you have to talk about is me! I should feel fu**in' honored. "Arrogance" Joey Melton, worrying about me... never thought I'd see the day."

"However, he won't admit that right now. He makes it sound as if the Ultraititle really means nothing to him, never did. RIGHT! I don't believe that for a second. I don't care how old or decrepid a man may be... why would you ever give up on wanting to win the big prize one more time?"

"It doesn't make sense, Joey, and neither do you. Since the start of this tournament, I've been persistent in keeping up with the Joneses, you might say. I haven't backed down, and right now I'm in second place in my division... where are you, Melton?"

"In time, people grow up... people move on. You think I'm coming out here, as some slacker loser from Generation X? You really need to open up your eyes, son. Now while I still may curse a g*d-d*amn blue streak up and down the NFW... and I may still be, well... an as*hole, it doesn't mean that 'Showtime' Shawn Matthews hasn't evolved over the past several years. Hell, over the past several weeks, even."

"Honestly, I don't give a damn if Troy Windham is making a movie, or if he's waiting in line at the Salvation Army for his Thanksgiving dinner. The only thing that matters to me is the Ultratitle. Aaron Douglas may have instilled this, or maybe I just came upon it myself. Bottom line, I walk out of week seven with a whole lot more points than Hornet or Melton... and that's all there is to that."

"Oh, and Melton... here comes the part that I know you've been WAITING for. I've been saving it for a while... the big catch phrase... Week Seven, I BREAK OFF you and Hornet. Why? WHY?! Because I am, BEYOND the SHADOW OF A DOUBT... ALL THERE FU**IN' IS!"


11-25-03, 11:42 PM
(FADE IN: Joey shaking his head.)

MELTON: I'm trying, Hornet. You see me trying. Leading that horse to water, but dag gum it Matthews just won't drink.

You're right Shane, winning the NFW's version, beating the ****ing Muffin Man 2 out of 3 falls in the finals in a "Fear Factor Rules" match would be the crowing achievment in my career.

I was so blind not to see it before.

And yes Shane...

...there's still sarcasm in my voice.

And this is the part that you've been waiting for, where I tell you to pull your head out of your ass.

Maybe you read at a 6th grade level...so I'll try and break this to you via examples, pie charts, and bar graphs.

Let's say...there's a baseball strike next year. Okay. Still with me?

The season is played with replacement players.

Right. Hang in there buddy.

162 games, and two rounds of playoffs later, we get to the World Series.

Now...here's the deal, irritant. Is it still the World Series?

That's right.

In name only.

In place of GUNS, Randalls, Flair, and the men who have made wrestling in the last ten years, we have Marx, Cruise, and yourself.

You're taking the jobs other men can do better. But those men passed, citing checks that actually clear as one of many reasons for saying no.

Yes Shane...I'm here.

I crossed the quality picket line, because well....call me a romantic at heart, it keeps me closer to the woman of my dreams.

Poison Ivy.

Maybe one day, if I can hold off the rampaging force that is Shane Matthews and win the ULTRATITLE '03...I can prove my quality and earn her hand in marriage.


Yes Shane....

You should get the idea by now.


11-26-03, 02:07 AM
(FADEIN to 'Showtime' SHAWN MATTHEWS, standing in front of an NFW South backdrop...)

"You really don't get it, do you, Melton? Come out here time and again, call me SHANE... see if I care. It's the only trick that you've got going in your book."

"Try to bring out the Shawn Matthews that these people have all come to grow and to hate." (laughs)

"Try to tip off the man who flips out at the drop of a hat. That whole anger, and that whole hatred is so deep-rooted in my personality that it's bound to happen sooner or later. All of the tricks with the midgets, and the footage of never-was Quarterbacks, and I'm gonna flip my FU**IN' LID!"

"WRONG, MELTON! I've got it all under control this time, and this thing is bigger than Aaron Douglas talking to me in a cell phone."

"Joke all you want to, but you're not in this battle just for sh*ts and giggles. You do want the Ultratitle, and you damn well better believe that I'll do EVERYTHING in my power to make sure that your pipedreams DO NOT, come to fruition."

"The GUNS, Randalls, and Flairs... they chose to not take a part of this tournament, but it's still the biggest prize in the sport. Did anyone expect the Marlins to win the world series this year, managed by a guy who's closer to his deathbed than most cancer patients."

"You're not here to finish second... neither is Hornet or Southern. You're here for the Ultratitle, and that's all there is to it. So am I, Melton. Am I doing it for support from the CSWA'ers around here, thinking... maybe if I win this thing, I'll get a contract with the CSWA. I don't give a DAMN about any of that."

"Week Seven, you stand next to a man who you've traveled up and down the roads with, for several years, Hornet. I stand next to Shane Southern, a guy who I don't like... and I'll tell him that to his face. But, I do respect him. However, it's that hatred for each other, that will keep us divided as a team. You guys, you've got the decided advantage... but even at that, I like our odds."

"I'll fight with Shane Southern, as long as he knows that when this match is over, we go our separate ways. And he may be a hick, but he's no stupid jackass."

"So are you done, Melton? Or will I need to come out here and contradict everything you've said?"

"And just to keep you going, should I bust out a catch-phrase? Nah, I know you're waiting for it with bated breath. Instead, I'll just give it to you after I pin your shoulders to the mat for the 3-count..."

"Cuz I SWEAR, on everything that is sacred... that you will not beat me. Not now, not ever... JACKASS!"


11-26-03, 09:19 PM
(FADEIN: Melton laughing.)

By all means Matthews come out here again and contradict me.

(Melton doubles over.)

It's really quite entertaining.

Or maybe...

...you can just CHOKE ON IT, YEAH!

Geez...man...I've seen thick in my life but you take the f'king cake.

So Shane Matthews is the first man in this business to ever have an anger control problem. How will we all cope?

Do you even know what business you're in? Are you that blind? But no...let's all fear little Shane Matthews blowing his lid. I've beat 7-foot, 350 lb. bundles of joy, with an attitude you can't knock down with a stick in less than ten minutes. Forgive me if I'm not fully grasping the significance of Shane Matthews' anger unleashed.

You're nothing to me, Matthews but a bitter young man who's pissed because he keeps ignoring the "Do you need to add 3-4 inches to your penis?" emails.

If your life is that bad, dude...hit the link and add the length.


11-27-03, 05:47 PM
Fade-in: Lindsay Troy's den, where she's sitting in a large, overstuffed chair enjoying a glass of Cabernet after the Thanksgiving festivities.

Boys, we're not playing very nice, now are we? I'm not feeling the holiday love from any of you. Looks like you guys are going to have to go in time out.

First of all Shane, I'm not your anything, so kindly refrain from referring to me in the possessive tense. Secondly, EYE don't have a choice in the matter of managing Melton. EYE have a contract, and a witness, and as much as Joseph gets under my skin (and believe me, he does), I'm not about to have the NFW hound me even further than they already are with a breach of contract charge.

Besides, at least I can write Joseph off on my tax returns. I think helping a poor, unprivileged man reclaim his life constitutes a charity case, wouldn't you agree?

You sir, on the other hand, do have a choice of being associated with Matthews and Douglas, do you not? You're lackey state is one of choice, or did I see someone else on Crash TV telling Aaron Douglas that he'd screw over a good friend just so Douglas wouldn't blab whatever information he had.

You may respect me, and I may respect you, but that's as far as it goes. I don't know you, and with your recent change of attitude, I don't want to know you. So keep your idle threats to yourself, Southern. If I'm in your way, I dare you to remove me. And if you do happen to remove me, I'll get back up and block your path again, just because I know it'll irk you right to your very core.

Secondly, Shawn...aren't you ever the ****ing apple polisher. Do me a favor, and keep your sexual innuendos to yourself. There will be no "breaking off" of anyone or anything. Such mannerisms are better saved for events that take place behind closed doors with the lights turned out.

I'll do whatever I have to do to ensure that you walk out of week seven with jack sh*t for points. All's fair in love and war, right? No sanctions this week.

You're right about one thing though...all this is bigger than Aaron Douglas talking to you on a cell phone, because now I've got a bone to pick with three guys instead of just one.

And what a fun night this is going to be.

So don't forget to bring your party hats. This shindig is going to be one that none of you are going to soon forget.


11-28-03, 12:54 PM
(FADEIN to 'Showtime' SHAWN MATTHEWS, standing in fron of an NFW backdrop...)

"Lindsay Troy, I wish you'd keep your nose out of this thing... because you stand no place being involved in this situation. If you keep sticking your nose in my business, I will not only break you off, but I will treat you like the cheap slut you really are.."

"Whether or not you want to stand by the side of Joey Melton is beyond me, I could really care a less. Whether myself or Shane Southern wants to be involved with Aaron Douglas or not, well... you'll all find out the truth some day..."

"The fact of the matter is that when all the chips are down on the table, *I* am going to be the one who cashes in around here. I'm going to walk out of that tag team match with all the points, and you're going to wish you'd be by my side, Lindsay."

"But I'll give you one thing you're right about. Joey Melton is definitely a charity case, and I want to wish you luck... because he talks a big game, but he can no longer back it up. You'll see that during Week Seven... I will exploit all of his weaknesses."

"And Hornet, Hornet... where are you, my man? Enjoying the holiday season a little too much? Eat a little too much turkey, and sleeping on your couch? Well, I'm sure we'll hear from you again sooner or later, and I can't wait!" (laughs)

"Shane Southern, you best make the right decisions, and stand next to me... or you'll pay the same way that Hornet and Melton will. Week Seven, I prove that I'm not only bigger than this match... that I'm bigger than this WHOLE DAMN FEDERATION!"


11-29-03, 03:39 AM
Fade-in: The backseat of a limo, where Lindsay Troy sits, accompanied by a bottle of Evian and classical music.

What do we have here? The human ego trip is at it again. All sound and fury that signifies nothing.

That's what you are, Matthews. The sheer knowledge that Aaron Douglas is associated with you automatically makes this whole to-do my business, since he was the one who attacked me in the first place.

I wish for a lot of things. For example, I wish you had a f*cking brain in that empty head of yours. But, you don't see my wish being granted, do you?

Resorting to the "cheap slut" line, how characteristically grade-school of you. If you're going to insult me, next time at least make a somewhat better attempt. Rehashing the same dishwater-dull, bland vanilla yogurt style of finger pointing and name calling gets ever so dull.

I'll stick my nose wherever the hell I want, and isn't that just too bad for you. I'd rather be assigned to 10 Joey Meltons than to one of you, because at least I know that somewhere in the depths of Joseph's mind, the man has a clue.

Whether you want to be associated with Douglas or not doesn't make a difference. The fact remains that you are, and while you are, that doesn't sit very well with me.

Before Week 5 I didn't have a clue who Aaron Douglas was, but now that I do I'm going to personally see to it that my memory of him is erased by erasing him. Permanently.

And I think I'll do the same to you, Shawn. Maybe Shane too, if I'm feeling particularly inspired.

In the background, the melody of a ring tone is heard. Troy reaches across the seat and picks up her cell phone.



Well, if it isn't Mr. EB himself.


Well, of course I'd be interested in this business deal. Please, go on...


11-29-03, 04:41 PM
(FADEIN to the backseat of a 1969 Camaro, where 'Showtime' SHAWN MATTHEWS sits... with a 40 and Kid Rock's song, "Cocky" playing in the background...)

"See, Lindsay... while you sit in the backseat of limos, I live it up like I deserve to. But how fitting is it, that you're sitting in the backseat of a car.."

"I heard that's how YOU get a "head" in the NFW, if you know what I mean... yeah, I'll resort to those tactics, 'cuz that's exactly at my level."

"I never claimed to be a wrestling genius, so I think it's pointless for you to come out here week in and week out, and point that out. But I'll tell you what I am, ONE HELL OF A WRESTLER! Joey Melton can doubt it all he wants to, but all of his tactics haven't secured him a win over me..."

"Speaking of Joey, where's that dou**ebag been lately? I really don't feel like wasting my time talking to you, because you're a non-factor in this match, whoever it is you have on your cell phone... I'll MAKE SURE, that you're a non-factor in this tag team match."

"Why don't you run back to your boy, Joey, and tell him that he's running out of time. It's almost time for him to be humiliated again by one of the greats in the NFW, 'Showtime' Shawn Matthews. He's got no other choice, Lindsay, and neither do you. It's time that you both just come to accept that..."

"And getting back to what I was talking about earlier, just remember, princess... you can't resist the SEXUAL TENSION that has formed between the two of us. Deny it all you want to... call me a clueless JACKASS, but I know it and so do you. You want me. That's what this is all about. And deep down, Joey Melton wants you. That's where all of this jealousy began.."

"Well if you're lucky, Lindsay, and I doubt you will be.. you'll get a shot at this backseat, and you definitely better believe I'll bring my bag." (laughs)

"So are you going to come, or what?" (Matthews continues laughing...)

"You know you want it, Lindsay.. you just need to live for the moment."

"Women don't belong in this sport. They belong in the damn kitchen, barefoot and pregnant. So if you want me to talk to you with some respect, leave... leave now. And send your boy, Joey, next time to talk to me... because frankly, I'm sick of hearing from you.."

(FADEOUT, as a hot brunette steps into the car wearing only a pair of "fu*k-me boots")

12-01-03, 11:29 AM
{{...FADE-IN: Shane Southern is standing in front of an blue NFW backdrop...}}

SHANE SOUTHERN: " Ya' know, it's funny. I've sat back tha' last few days n' watched tha' bit<BLEEP>es fight, n' at first, it was very entertainin', but now, after hearin' tha' same ol' crap over, n' over, n' over again...it's gotten stale. So insteada' hidin' up n' my tree stand, scoutin' that twelve point I saw last weekend, I figured I'd climb back inta' reality n' maybe Mathews, Troy n' Melton will realize that this match ain't ah'bout who's Dumb, n' who's dumber...it's ah'bout ONE thing, ... tha' next ten points. "

" Mathews can argue that he's due n' Melton's past his prime, Melton can argue that Mathews is stupid, which I don't totally disagree with, n' Troy can argue ah'bout all tha' things that gets her panties inna' wad....but ladies n' gentleman, this ain't Oprah Winfrey, this is than IN, 'EF, FREAKIN' DOUBLE-YA, n' like it er not, until I've been kicked out, this is MY back yard. Once I step inta' that ring, Aaron Douglas can go <BLEEP> himself, he doesn't control what goes on between tha' bells. N' from now on people, THAT'S what matters most. I've only gotta' few more matches left in this sport, n' you can bet yer daddies money that I'm gonna make every damn last one of 'em count. "

" Yer all talkin' about things you don't know ANYTHING about. Troy says I have a CHOICE in what I'm doin'...yet she knows NOTHIN' about my situation. Clearly Troy, you're willin' ta' do ANYTHING ta' stay in tha' NFW,...I'm no different. I just want a few days more in tha' sun. I just want ONE more opportunity ta' get at tha' prize, ONE more chance ta' realize tha' dream. N' when I do, I can leave this sport with a clear head. Can YOU say tha' same thing Troy? Can ANY of you? {{...shakes his head...}} N' YOU Mathews. I'd be damn careful ah'bout tha' way you talk ta' me. I've dented yer head last week, n' you can be DAMN SURE I'll do it again this week if you want it. "

" I'm a man with nothin' ta' loose now people. I can go all out, n' if I fail, I fail. It can't be any WORSE than what's waitin' fer me if Aaron Douglas succeeds. If you wanna' try n' tear down Shane Southern fer that...be my guest. I'd LOVE ta' see you try. "

" N' now back to yer regularly scheduled programmin'."

" Party's Over. "

{{...FADE OUT...}}

OORP: Sorry about that lack of RP on my part guys. Work is HELL. -Jason

12-03-03, 02:33 AM
(FADE IN: Melton.)

MELTON: Oh come on Shawn..

It's about so much more than the next ten points.

Don't cheapen this watershed moment in wrestling history.

It's about...society man...yeah and how we all relate to it.

It's about...a piece of us, maybe...the right piece....the bit of goodness in us all that hasn't been drowned in the sheer awfulness of the pomos I've been forced to watch here lately.

No Southern..it's not about ten points.

It's about...surviving.

Getting through this week, in hopes that next week's replacement actually has wit and full use of his first language.

It's about...the party Shawn.

May we all pray that the party is in fact not over, that it never ends.

It's about...each and every one of us being there, together, while Strife and Matthews reunite and begin making sense together. For, two heads are really better than one.

Miles knows this.

It's why we're random teaming.

But in classic Miles fashion he got it wrong.

It's about...the sigh of relief I'll experience when it's gotten right.

Ten points.

If that's all the ULTRATITLE is to you, you don't derseve it. At least, not this dumbed down version.


12-03-03, 09:11 PM
Fade-in: Lindsay Troy, sitting on a couch in a dressing room somewhere within the Paul Tsongas arena. Joey Melton is nowhere to be seen...and maybe that's not such a bad thing?

Look Shawn, as much as you like to think that I'd be attracted to an apish neanderthal who hasn't stepped out of the Dark Ages, I'm sorry to have to inform you that I'm not.

But good for you, you've apparantly found someone who is. Cute shoes, too. Did she buy them at the dollar store on the corner where she works?

Let me remind you that the only reason Joseph didn't beat you a few weeks ago was because you had Aaron Douglas run down and beat the crap out of me. Somewhere in the depths of Joseph's being, the man found he had a heart after all.

Too bad Aaron couldn't finish the job. I'm still here, aren't I?

I'm nobody's messanger. If you want to waste your time telling Joseph that time is running out for you, you go right ahead and be my guest. Just don't start whining when your "warning" falls on deaf ears.

If there's anyone I "want" in NFW, it's Aaron Douglas, and I don't mean that in a twisted sexual way. I want to break his impertinent little neck and place his skull on a silver platter.

Your prattle wears on my patience, Shawn. I think you'd do well to crawl back to whatever rock you slithered out from before you get yourself hurt.

And Southern...

she chuckles

...I get where you're coming from. You're here because you want something. That's commendable, I assure you.

I'm chasing a dream of my own, the aspects of it I don't feel as if you're worthy enough of a person to elaborate them to. Let's just say that you and I aren't so different after all, Shane. At least, not in this particular respect.

Maybe for you this match is about 10 points. For me, it's not. For me, it's for something completely different and at the other end of the spectrum.

So Shane, you prance on down to the ring and you try and get those 10 points. As for me, I've got my own mission that I'm carrying out.

It's just too bad that the possibility of you getting in my way has increased.