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View Full Version : "The King of Neckbreakers" Jason Hawkins



jsykes24
12-05-17, 06:56 AM
Handler Information

Name: Joshua Sykes
Email Address: sykesjosh99@gmail.com
Best Way to Contact You: Email
eWrestling Experience: Not much honestly outside of a stintnin BCW for the last two years
How did you find DEFIANCE? Just surfing the web for anything wrestling related when I came across this gem of a fed.
Are you willing to write matches? Yes definitely

Writing Sample: For my sample I decided to write an original promo with the topic being “Jason Hawkins” absolute need to join Defiance:

Jason Hawkins steps out of red and black charger, a pair of white buffs with diamonds in the side of the frames adorning his face. His manager, Marty Jets, hops out of the backseat, opening the door for the red bone in the passenger seat. Jason walks around to her side of the car, putting a hand around her hip as they walk towards the object that has his upmost attention, the fist of Joe Louis. Jason turns back around to face the camera, his throwback pistons starter jacket is unbuttoned, revealing the matching Andre Drummond jersey underneath. "You know I love my city. I put asses in the seats in my city, I tore down every house you can think of right here. Detroit been good to me all my life. From the moment I knew I had to start throwing hands just to keep niggas out my pocket, I've ran shit around here. Now all of a sudden niggas trying to tell me I'm getting too comfortable. They like Jay you not growing, you ain't faced the best yet, you gotta see what's out there. As if I've ever been the type of dude to grow complacent. As if it matter who else is wrestling where. Now I hear all this chirping about Defiance. Defiance is the best promotion in the world. You haven't made it unless you made it in Defiance. All this hemming and hawing shit that I'm sick of hearing." He pauses as the woman next to him pulls a pack of Newports out her purse and is about to pull one out of the pack when he slaps it abruptly out of her hands, staring at her with utter disgust, before stomping on the pack without breaking eye contact. Finally after a long pause, he slowly turns back to the camera. "So since everybody wanna tell me I ain't been nowhere, I'm here to personally thrown down the gauntlet to any so called wrestler in this company. I'll be in that ring every night. I ain't going nowhere, I got nothing but time. And I guarantee anybody that's stupid enough to step between these ropes while I'm there is going to get the paws put on them. And that's on god my nigga.

Wrestler(s) Information
Ring Name: Jason Hawkins
Height: 6’2
Weight: 230

Hailing From: Detroit, MI

Alignment:Heel

Gimmick: I would say he’s les of a gimmick and more an outrageous persona. He’s based off of some of the great Detroit rappers(Payroll.Royce, Eminem, Calicoe) He’s extremely obnoxious, full of himself and overbubbling with almost irrational confidence. He’s usually surrounded backstage by a different girl every other week and his manager Marty Jets, a skinny greasy haired white guy who's usually smoking a Newport. He wants to win as many titles as possible, his obsession with flossing gold causes him to attack any champion he thinks isn’t showing him the respect he feels he deserves. He rarely cheats,only doing so under the most dire of circumstances. He is known to talk allthroughout his matches, a way of getting in his opponents head. Also comes outto a ridiculous list of nicknames, some valid and some ludicrous.

Wrestling Style: His style is a mix of British and Japanese strong style, with a bit of luchador thrown in. His mash up of styles is a way of being as unpredictable as possible, a factor he’s proud of that helps keep his opponents on their toes.

Three Weaknesses:1. He’s full of himself to the point in cancost him big matches.
2. Spends far too much time overlooking opponents sometimes
3. On the rare occasion he cheats, it tends to backfire but he stubbornly never learns his lesson

Three Strengths: 1. His mat skills and chain wrestling are top notch
2. Blinding speed and overwhelmingly strong for his size
3. Freakish athleticism, like if Russel Westbrook decided to wrestle

MOVESET

Ten regular moveset moves:

1) Swinging neckbreaker
2)Ravishing neckbreaker
3)Ripcord clothesline
4)Ripcord knee strike
5)Brainbuster
6)Springboard crescent kick
7)Snap Dragon Suplex
8)Straight jacket german suplex
9)Leaping neckbreaker( Basically a reverse rko)
10) Canadian Neckbreaker

2-5 trademark moves:

1) 7 Mile stomp (springboard curb stomp to the backof head)
2) Ripcord DDT
3)Ushigoroshi
4) Standing enziguri
5) Springboard elbow drop

1 Finishing Move: Joy Road (Ripcord snap exploder suplex)

MDK: B.Y.L.U (Boss your life up) Reverse rolling cutter( Think Cody's crossrhodes)

Ford
12-05-17, 10:49 AM
I like the idea of an obnoxious rapper played seriously. I also like a heel that tries to cheat on occasion but is so bad at cheating it doesn't work lol.

But is your space bar broken? You're missing formatting randomly in your writing.

Plus, your promo is pretty bare bones, dialogue only, no scenery, no setup, just a dude talking. Is this a letter he wrote? Is he standing in front of a Defiance flag? On the streets of Detroit with a mugging going on in the background? Doing a youtube Vlog? What's he wearing? Where's he at? Who's with him? What's his expression, does it change as he talks? Action and description helps a scene breathe and tell a story, rather than just be words on a paper strung together.

A triple snap dragon suplex? Half your moveset could be considered finishers, with another three or four MDK level moves. What, are you tryin' to kill dudes dead? :-).

Might I also suggest a hype man manager? Really play into the rapper gimmick? You've got an entourage, you should just have a featured entourage dude.

Just suggestions. Recommend cleaning up some things and tinkering with your sample a bit -- before I'd weigh in further with a yes or a no.

Roland
12-05-17, 02:39 PM
Yeah I agree with Tom. I like the concept of the character and the bio reads well. Definitely potential, but for the role play/promo if you can set it up a bit more, create a context for the interview and an environment, etc, etc, I think that would definitely help. Or if you happen to have an old match you've written. You have my interest, though.

User Poets
12-05-17, 08:05 PM
Going to echo the others. I like the concept and I think there's some really good potential, but I'd like to see a more fleshed out writing sample before I say yes.

jsykes24
12-06-17, 03:15 AM
I typed it in word and idk what happened with the formatting. I'll adjust and resubmit if that's ok. Sorry, I'm new to this

jsykes24
12-06-17, 03:38 AM
I made some modifications to the original proposal and fixed the weird spacing error. Thanks for the feedback guys!

Chris Ross
12-06-17, 07:09 PM
Also I might add it might not be a bad idea to look through other characters' move sets just to make sure you're not copying anyone by accident. Chris Ross for example has a curbstomp for his finisher.

Also I agree an entourage would be awesome for a character like this.

Stalker
12-07-17, 10:56 PM
Going to go out on a limb here and say yes, but I do have some suggestions. Firstly, if you could redo your mindset on the character and make him into a FACE. I think firstly it would be doable and secondly we are in serious serious desperate need of faces.

Secondly, I don't think some of the words that you used in your writing example are technically allowed for a wrestling promotion, even one that appears on Hulu.

I am saying yes regardless just because I am a fan of those who adjust based off of what's said on their applications. But I still would suggest if you can reevaluate your character and make him possibly a face.

Roland
12-08-17, 12:11 AM
^ I will echo the above. Definitely need faces with lots of UTA heels right now. Depending on what's pending, might even be able to slot you in to some of my late plans since a spot could be open. Anyway yes from me, because of the commitment to work on the app.

jsykes24
12-08-17, 06:40 AM
I will adjust the above once again. Any tips for how should I approach the character as a face? I read the latest episode you guys put up and had an idea as to how to work him in as a heel, but as a face I was thinking maybe treat him like early Rock in his first (non-Maivia) face run? Cocky badass with a moral compass that tips towards the good side. You guys feedback is amazing

Stalker
12-08-17, 08:23 AM
Make him into a crowd pleaser. He's already got that vibe as someone who has an entourage, make that entourage a constant crowd hyper. 'He does it all for the fans.' Spit rhymes, break necks, win championships. He doesn't cheat because he doesn't have to, his game is that much 'FIRE'. His gold chains represent the love of his fans which he'll do anything for. Because without them he's nothing. (Just off the dome concept)

MikeyUnlikely
12-12-17, 06:44 PM
Hey man, I appreciate your applying to DEFIANCE. That's awesome! Your app however is not very good. Your writing sample isn't very good either. DEFIANCE is one of the top angle feds on the interwebs to be honest. I think you need to gain more experience before you "dive into the ocean" so to speak. IMO you need to flesh out the writing more. Add spaces to your sample (line breaks) and even then when you space it all out.... it still doesn't tell us much.

I've edited your sample below, to include how we format things, to give you a better idea of how we write. and what we're looking for.

__________________________________________________
Jason Hawkins steps out of red and black charger, a pair of white buffs with diamonds in the side of the frames adorning his face. His manager, Marty Jets, hops out of the backseat, opening the door for the red bone in the passenger seat.

Jason walks around to her side of the car, putting a hand around her hip as they walk towards the object that has his upmost attention, the fist of Joe Louis.

Jason turns back around to face the camera, his throwback pistons starter jacket is unbuttoned, revealing the matching Andre Drummond jersey underneath.

Jason Hawkins:
"You know I love my city. I put asses in the seats in my city, I tore down every house you can think of right here. Detroit been good to me all my life. From the moment I knew I had to start throwing hands just to keep niggas out my pocket, I've ran shit around here. Now all of a sudden niggas trying to tell me I'm getting too comfortable. They like Jay you not growing, you ain't faced the best yet, you gotta see what's out there. As if I've ever been the type of dude to grow complacent. As if it matter who else is wrestling where. Now I hear all this chirping about Defiance. Defiance is the best promotion in the world. You haven't made it unless you made it in Defiance. All this hemming and hawing shit that I'm sick of hearing."

He pauses as the woman next to him pulls a pack of Newports out her purse and is about to pull one out of the pack when he slaps it abruptly out of her hands, staring at her with utter disgust, before stomping on the pack without breaking eye contact.

Finally after a long pause, he slowly turns back to the camera.

Jason Hawkins:
"So since everybody wanna tell me I ain't been nowhere, I'm here to personally thrown down the gauntlet to any so called wrestler in this company. I'll be in that ring every night. I ain't going nowhere, I got nothing but time. And I guarantee anybody that's stupid enough to step between these ropes while I'm there is going to get the paws put on them. And that's on god my nigga."

__________________________________________________ _________

All I read is "I live in detroit, I'm a gangsta, and Dammit I'm over" There's a ton to improve on, add some character depth, WHY do they do the deal with the cigs? Why do we already know who he is if he's a one town player? Why does he act the way he acts? There's so much to expand on here. My vote is no. I don't think you're ready.

DEFIANCE is full of people who know the hobby, and plan out 3 months + storyline at a time and drop matches and segments in no time. You've edited this sample twice and it's still not really up to par. My vote can be changed to a yes, I'm not a dick I promise, but I need to see something I would be excited about seeing in DEF. We used to cater to the "elite" and lately it's been "New App! LET EM IN!" I need to see more.

Macc
12-18-17, 10:03 PM
Eerily similar to a character I once handled in NFW. From the nickname, to the stiff style to hometown. Crazy.By no means claiming anything isn't original, I am just blown away in the similarities. I based my character of of Taz's ECW style and did a lot of my promos in that vein. Best of luck to you getting him off the ground! These guys will lead you in the right direction, be open to their advice and put in the work and it'll pay off!