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HarlemShake
03-08-15, 08:04 PM
While minding my own business, an amusing thought entered the fracas of my mind, like a burly bouncer pressing his way onto a crowded nightclub dance floor to nab an intoxicated frat boy in preparation of tossing him out of the mother fucking club for being an asshole. Why do we park on a driveway, and drive on a parkway? As the bouncer hurled me through the nightclub's door, and my face hit the cold, rough sidewalk outside, I realized that I was stealing material from a popular 1980s comedian by the name of Gallagher. My entire pathetic existence is now rendered completely and utterly meaningless. Hey, look, I found a quarter in the gutter!

Megastory4
03-08-15, 08:23 PM
703

What the frick?

HarlemShake
03-09-15, 12:04 AM
I think that Darth Vader is probably a very lonely man. Is his penis made of flesh, or is it one of the robot parts? It's probably robotic. Is he still a man, then? I wonder if it's detachable. Could he screw himself, then? Is he a hermaphrodite? Alright, so, if Darth Vader can fuck himself with his detachable robot penis, then he's not actually lonely after all. I feel much better. I feel much better now.

Distorted Angel
03-10-15, 09:14 AM
Give this man a medal... And perhaps a lobotomy while we're at it.

Jorden Snow
03-10-15, 05:52 PM
I call shenanigans! I'm not sure on what.. but I call them. In fact, the number is 1-800-GTFO-PLZ!

HarlemShake
03-12-15, 01:15 AM
The other day, I saw a dove sitting on a tree branch. I stood there, weeping openly, staring at this dove. Suddenly, I realized something; the bird was a perfect analogy for the frailty of the human condition. Then, just as suddenly, it was like a playing card turned over on a Blackjack table in my mind. It was like a door being opened, a coin flipped, a light switch turned on. It was like Sylvester Stallone's character in the movie Over The Top when he turned his hat around and he was in full arm wrestling beast mode. This sudden epiphany, which came to me as I stared there making trite and cliché psycho-babble bullshit observations about a filthy pigeon on a twig, was that I am a mindless faggot.

HarlemShake
03-17-15, 11:53 PM
One time I sat on my grandfather's nuts by accident. My grandfather had very stretched-out, saggy nuts. His sack hung below the hem of his stained and foul old boxer shorts, and would sway to and fro between his knees as he wobbled unsteadily down the hallway to perform his weekly bowel movement on the front porch. I murdered our neighbors.