View Full Version : VERSUS 02: Team VIAGRA vs. Urban Legends

01-21-13, 07:44 PM
It's a rematch from VERSUS 01 but this time it's in the first round of the Unified Tag Team Tournament.

Roleplay deadline is Sunday, January 27.

Note: RP-based matches aren't usually on VERSUS, but trying to get the tag tournament moving, so including it here.

01-26-13, 02:09 AM
(In the locker room of Cricket Arena. BOOGIE SMALLZ sits on a bench, sadistically grinning to himself, as MALCOLM JOSEPH-JONES paces back and forth in front of him, sharing the same grin.)

MJ2: "Can you FEEL it, Boog? We got this. We got this in the BAG."

BS: "I'm feelin' it...but if there is anything I've learned in this industry...it's one match at a time. I know you're hungry...hell, I am too...hungrier than a hostage. But let's not get ahead of ourselves."

MJ2: "Ahead of ourselves? Nah, man, listen - we are in the SPOT right now. You and I know we can beat the hell out of these two midgets because we already DID it. All we gotta do is make it all formal, you know? Get that pin. Then it's on to the next one, and the next one. And you know the plan then."

BS: "Oh, I most definitely know the plan from there. But listen up for a minute. (Smallz stands up and looks his new partner in the eye.) On paper we have the ability to beat any team on any night, but that was our first match. We got a little carried away...we got a little overzealous and lost our cool. We gotta be able to channel that ish properly...learn to adapt as a team. I know it's not your thing, but this situation is different. You gotta trust me."

MJ2: "You know I trust you, Boog. One of the only dudes in this business I think I CAN trust. You know why? Because you and I KNOW what this can lead to. You and I KNOW we can wreck the hell out of the perfect little bubble CSWA's made for itself and show them ALL what happens when greatness refuses to be held down. Urban Legends ain't a gimmick - it's a FACT. We're here to KILL the hell out of all their pretty little preconceptions of what makes the world turn."

BS: “By turnin’ their world upside down and makin’ a statement right out the gate. Tonight…we got a lot accomplished. I put my past in the CSWA in my rearview mirror and in all the chaos…I found some clarity. As much as I wanted to distance myself from the tag team scene, this collaboration of ours makes perfect sense. Boogie Smallz or MJ2 will never get a World title shot here any other way. So by us formin’ this unit…once we win and defend the tag titles…they can’t stop us from gettin’ our just due.”

MJ2: "And tonight, I set a precedent. A precedent of what MJ2 is gonna bring every single NIGHT in this company. I found my roadmap to the future. You and I have the power to take what is RIGHTFULLY ours, and there ain't no one around who has the power to stop us."

BS: “The only one that can beat us” (Holds his hand up to his chin and thinks about it.) “…is ourselves.” (Smirks.) “Team VIAGRA…they got to be the unlucky recipient of what the Urban Legends movement is all about. Apparently, we didn’t get the job done in deliverin’ that message. The next time we cross paths, I got a feelin’ they will hear us…LOUD AND CLEAR.”

MJ2: “We’re gonna smash ‘em…we’re gonna break ‘em…we’re gonna mug ‘em…we’re gonna pin ‘em. Chew ‘em up and spit ‘em out, because you and I CAN. Because you and I got things to DO here. Ain’t no time to sit around messin’ with these fools when we got bigger things on the horizon. We are STALLIONS, brotha, and there ain’t nothin’ that can be done about it.”

BS: “Jack Harmen and Tony Davis…as much as you want to think you two are a tight cohesive unit…our match revealed that you two aren’t always on the same page. I’m not tryin’ to start nothin’….or plant seeds of doubt…that’s not the type of guy that I am. But it looked like your communication may have broken down. Maybe it’s just my imagination runnin’ wild, but Tony Davis came across like a jealous man…an envious tag partner. Jack Harmen was about to do his High Flyin’ thing and bust a move of some sort on me…and Tony Davis totally cock blocked him.

Could it be because Harmen teams up with somebody else in NFW? Maybe it’s because he was in the Final Four of the Ultratitle? I mean…maybe I misread that…I could be wrong.”

MJ2: “Don’t matter. Not a bit. The only reason Harmen got that far in that tournament was because he didn’t face you or me – bottom line is, we’re the now, we’re the up-next, we’re the SHOW. Tony Davis can act as butt-hurt as he wants – it doesn’t change the fact that he’s not winnin’ this for his team. He doesn’t have it in him. Harmen doesn’t either. Not to take anything away from the man, but the fact is he’s going to have to go through two brick walls of black anger to win the match. YOU know, and I know…that ain’t HAPPENIN’.”

BS: “Team VIAGRA, you two have probably had ish handed to you your entire career. You’ve probably lived the good life, never facin’ a force like the team standin’ before you today. In my opinion, you got off easy tonight…the next time…you won’t be so lucky. The URBAN LEGENDS are goin’ to use you as an example for the rest of the teams in the CSWA. A warnin’, if you will, for what happens when you get in our way on our path to destiny. All you are is a steppin’ stone, a startin’ point, a launch pad for the next dynasty this organization is about to enter.”

MJ2: "Some people hear Urban Legends, and they don't believe the nightmare that's starin' them in the face. We're here to tell you, when it comes to us? You better..."

BS: (slight chuckle to himself) "BELIEVE 'DAT!"

(Fade to black.)

01-27-13, 07:48 AM
JACK HARMEN (O.S.): You talk about TRUST?!

(FADEIN: The CSWA flag waves in the background. JACK HARMEN is in the foreground, just his head in frame as he stares at the camera. Over his right shoulder is his partner and brother-in-law, TONY DAVIS, dressed in a classic wrestling singlet. Over his left in the far background is their manager and Harmen's prize protege, Mary-Lynn Mayweather wearing her trademark skirt suit and carrying a clipboard.)

JACK HARMEN: We are Team VIAGRA. We trust each other implicitly. We've been partners across promotions, across time and space. Ten time tag team champions. A decade plus partnership. Brothers in arm and brothers-in-LAW.

(MARY-LYNN MAYWEATHER holds up her clipboard, which contains some legal papers.)



(Harmen steps back from the camera revealing his patented Straight-Jacket themed Baseball style“Lunatic” jersey. He slaps Tony Davis on his chest.)

JACK HARMEN: I'd trust this man with my life, the life of my kids, my family, the WORLD if it came to it.There's no one else in this plane of existence I trust more than the original Degenerate, the Destroyer of Heat, Two Tone Tony Davis.

(David reaches out and grabs Harmen by his shoulder.)

TONY DAVIS: Jack. My rapping career is dead and buried. I have nothing left in my life besides this sport... oh! And...

TONY DAVIS (Simultaneous): … plowing your sister.

JACK HARMEN (Simultaneous): … plowing my sister.

(Mary-Lynn frowns and squinches hernose.)

JACK HARMEN: We get it Tony. We got it a decade ago when that joke was fresh. But listen, MJ2 and Da Boog want to stop our dream, our GOAL of holding CSWA gold. Tony, you got into this sport in 1996. What was the one fed you wanted to hold a championship in growing up?


JACK HARMEN: CSWA. And you know the first national fed I followed religiously?


JACK HARMEN: FWO. But CSWA was a close second. So I look at the Urban Legends, CSWA mainstay Boogie Smallz and his partner, the rookie Malcolm Joseph-Jones, and I ask.

(Harmen RUSHES up to the camera,grabbing it by it's sides.)


(Harmen lets go of the camera, letting his head tilt back in an evil cackle. Harmen looks down at his straightjacket baseball jersey quickly before looking back to the camera.)

JACK HARMEN: Cause I ride the CRAZY TRAIN EVERY DAY! Zero to Sixty like the speed of sound, I go from Harmen to Harming Men! I eat PEOPLE for breakfast and PLANETS FOR DINNER!

(Mary-Lynn Mayweather holds up a tablet, which shows a quick animated Monty Python inspired video of Jack Harmen eating the UNIVERSE.)


(She backs off as Harmen retakes center frame.)

JACK HARMEN: What are you going to do against two men who are CERTIFIABLE? Cause I'll tell you what, when I first teamed with Davis in 2000, HE was the crazy one. I looked TAME in comparison. But it cost us matches. His desire to be impulsive, hap-hazard... it was self destructive.

(Davis lowers his head to the side, acknowledging it as fact.)

JACK HARMEN: You kind of saw a bit of that in our first clash. But Tony, he's been chained and caged for far too long. There's a limit to how long you can mute the roars of a lion before he tears apart your remote control, eating your chair in the process. That's my fault. That's why Davis was taking these occasional unwarranted risks.

(Harmen's eyes go wide. He's SCARED.)

JACK HARMEN: But the last time this started happening? The last time I saw the fire in Tony's eyes like I do right now? He crippled and MAIMED an entire federation. He TORE APART puppies. He FEASTED on the BLOOD of the WEAK. And he laid WASTE to my HOME.

(Harmen turns to Davis, reminiscing with a smile.)

JACK HARMEN: We fought like MORTAL ENEMIES...So knowing what I know of the pissed off and enraged psychopathic version of Tony Davis... knowing that's the man that's got his eyes set on the Urban Legends?

(Harmen smiles.)

JACK HARMEN: REALLY glad to be on the other side of that this time. I can't wait to just sit back, pop some popcorn, brew some tea and BASK in the never ending violence.

(Harmen laughs.)

JACK HARMEN: What can I say? I have a fetish for blood!

(Jack Harmen backs off, so Tony Davis can take center stage. In the background, Mary-Lynn Mayweather starts going over the itinerary with Jack.)

MARY-LYNN MAYWEATHER (softly in background): So you got that summons for crashing your car into that old folks home.

JACK HARMEN (softly in background): I told them I was aiming for the prison!

(Tony Davis walks to the camera. He takes up just about the entire frame. He gently places his index finger underneath the camera's chin, raising it to meet his eyes.)

TONY DAVIS: So what makes this tournament ANY different? Empire Pro, set in a cage. Ultratitle, one hundred twenty eight men. Here? Eight teams, seven matches, one champion.

(Davis smiles.)

TONY DAVIS: After three short defenses? The Unified Championship.

(Davis' eyes go wide.)

TONY DAVIS: Cause Boogie, this is JUST... ANOTHER... way for you to be DISAPPOINTING! Like how you ALMOST reformed your classic tandem with antithetical elements Inferno Fire, and then SHATTERED the dreams of a bunch of twenty year olds. How DARE you. I would NEVER do that to Jack. And Jack has NEVER done that to me. We are partners for life!

(Harmen shoots Davis a look. Davis rolls his eyes.)

TONY DAVIS: For all the times that I've tried to rip his head off... And viz a vi he trying to my head off and DRINK my blood... I have NEVER disrespected him.

(Davis' eyes narrow.)

TONY DAVIS: Malcolm. How long will it be before Boogie does that to you?Disrespects you and has you ATTACKED?! Ten years? A year? Next week? Or will it be the next time you DISAPPOINT Boog as much as BOOGIE does the WORLD?

(Davis smiles.)

TONY DAVIS: Do you trust Boogie MJ? Really? After ONE DAY?! Or do you HOPE, do you pray, do you WISH...

(Davis inhales.)

TONY DAVIS: MAYBE. I can trust him...

(Davis backs up a step.)


(Davis takes another step back as Harmen climbs onto his back.)

TONY DAVIS: But we're family.


(Davis raises his arm. Mary-Lynn Mayweather adjusts her glasses as they pose.)

TONY DAVIS: We are Team VIAGRA. And we will SHATTER your reality. But it's not OUR fault.

(Davis smiles.)

TONY DAVIS: We told you to take the blue pill.


01-28-13, 12:03 AM
(FADEIN to Boogie Smallz at his home gym, reviewing the latest promo from Team VIAGRA as he jogs on a treadmill. The promo ends and Boogie hops off the machine. Smallz pulls up his laptop and converses with Malcolm Joseph-Jones over Skype.)

BOOGIE SMALLZ: Did you hear these two?

MJ2: Yeah…they actin’ like a couple of fools. Tryin’ to intimidate us? (Laughs.) Man…someone needs to let them know what time it is.

BS: Don’t worry…we’re just the people to snap them back to reality.

MJ2; If we don’t SNAP their NECKS first!

(Smallz sets his laptop next to the camera and lets the Skype feed broadcast to MJ2 as he addresses Team VIAGRA.)

BS: Pride…dignity…self-respect. These things are the drivin’ force, my motivation, the catalyst that feeds the fire within to make this run in the CSWA different from what I endured in the past.

Harmen and Davis can’t judge me. You two have to walk in my shoes and follow the same footsteps that I did to even image what it’s been like for me to become the man I am today. Try sellin’ your soul for the opportunity of a lifetime. Try tourin’ around with the CSWA in the Partridge Family bus, dressed up in bellbottoms and a butterfly collared shirt, gettin’ people to sign a petition outside of arenas for you to get what you know inside your heart that you have earned…a shot at the tag team champions. All while accompanied by a midget for a manager. See how that feels…then come talk to me. Havin’ the fans and management treat you like a joke.

I didn’t have the luxury of showin’ up in a time machine and comin’ out with the World tag team titles wherever it was that you guys started. I actually had to fight and earn the opportunity. And even then, it wasn’t enough for Uncle Chad to book the match. In his eyes, I was just there for comedy…so I had to subject myself to some demoralizin’ and humiliatin’ ish in order to get a fair shake.

And since then, I worked long and hard to erase what Chad Merritt created…to make a name for myself outside of the company that tarnished my image. Some said it couldn’t happen…that I would forever be linked to my past and what I was as one-half of the Disco Express. But I didn’t wanna hear it…because I knew that I could change that.

If you want to bring up my old tag team partner and what we did to him at Versus, knock yourself out. MJ2 doesn’t have to worry about that. He’s not a degenerate…he’s not just in it for the money. He actually has his own set of values and principles. He sees the big picture and Inferno doesn’t have that ability. And when we do win the World tag team titles, he has the goods to actually succeed. He has the tools to be a World champion. Inferno just cares about his payday. He knows his physical limitations…and becomin’ the UNIFIED World champion was never in the cards for him.

Do you think it’s a coincidence that I returned to the scene for the Ultratitle and re-sign with the CSWA…and MJ2 shows up shortly after? I have news for you, this ain’t no fly-by-night operation. I was workin’ with MJ2 for the past year gettin’ him to launch his career. What…did you think he just showed up as a rookie off the streets with no trainin’? I won’t take all the credit, but I shared a few things with him in order to get him prepped for this moment.

Formin’ a tag team didn’t happen off the bat. It wasn’t until the CSWA announced that they were reopenin’ their doors and that the tag team champions could earn a shot at the UNIFIED World title after three successful title defenses…that this unit known as the Urban Legends was formed. And win…we will!

Team VIAGRA…you two already got a small taste of what we’re all about. Don’t make the mistake of takin’ us lightly. Crackin’ jokes and slappin’ each other on the back will only end up gettin’ you HURT in that ring. Our first match had nothin’ on the line, it was meaningless…just a tune-up for the next battle…the site of your demise.

If EVER you needed a time machine…it’ll be after this match! But unfortunately for you two…you can’t rewind the clock…you can’t reverse the inevitable…you can’t undo what is already destined to be. The future of the CSWA is the Urban Legends and no alteration of space and time can stop us from achieving our goal.


(Boogie takes the camera and turns it to MJ2 on Skype. The scene shifts to the other side of the video feed. Joseph-Jones is wearing a simple black dress shirt with rolled up sleeves, electric purple suspenders, and oh-so-stylish browline glasses. He sips on bourbon on the rocks as he speaks.)

MJ2: “Tony, your wife tastes like Honey Nut Cheerios and your ‘fire’ is a sham.

I don’t believe for a SECOND that you’re some sort of unstoppable crazy train. You see, even though you’re an ignorant fool whose partner chose to ignore who WE are…I know all about you, Tony. You’re a fraud. An almost-was. The weak link in Jack Harmen’s B-Team. And the two of you wanna sit there, with your almost-competent lawyer friend, throwin’ in our face that THIRTEEN YEARS AGO you were somethin’ special?

Please. I know what happens to you when the bright lights are on you, Tony. I know how over-eager you get, how much you’re tryin’ to escape the shadow your partner’s cast over you. When you go crazy NOW? Thirteen years past your best days? You lose. Not just lose, either – you get HUMILIATED.

Your problem is, Tony, that you’ll never be a Harmen. EVER. You’ll never have his pedigree, you’ll never have his accolades, you’ll never be as good as him in the ring even though you so badly wanna be. And that tears you to pieces, don’t it? It gnaws on your inside like bad sushi…the fleeting idea in the back of your head that his sister is your consolation prize for doing a big pile of nothing with your life and dragging your friend down, and the only way you could have ever come CLOSE to Harmen is by taking your wife’s name when you got hitched. You see, everyone KNOWS Jack Harmen. They know that the High Flyer, as geriatric as he is now, can still draw dollars and do good business. Even though he’s lost at LEAST two steps, the fans still dig him, and we all get it. But YOU?

You’re a waste of space who doesn’t DESERVE to be in the ring with the Urban Legends.

Boog and I, we’ve been a well-oiled machine LONG before now. This ain’t our first rodeo. So go ahead, Tony – come at me. I triple dog DARE you.

We all know how that’ll work out, don’t we?”

(Malcolm laughs to himself before turning off his computer. Cut to black.)

01-28-13, 05:03 AM
(FADEIN: Team VIAGRA, at the Odessa Wrestling Dungeon, are watching two students do battle with former protege's the Disposable Heroes. Ed and Ken Day are in the midst of mat wrestling, as Ed is being outshined by the collegiate athlete. Davis slides in the ring, breaking them up.)

TONY DAVIS: Listen, a more skilled grappler would be able to twist themselves out of that hold, your grip just isn't tight enough Ken.

ED: That's what she said.

TONY DAVIS: Really? Really?

ED: She said it.

(Davis rolls his eyes. Harmen slides in the ring and smacks Ed in the back of the head.)

JACK HARMEN: Go. Get out of my ring.

(Ed reluctantly exits, as Ken follows suit. Their tag partners drop off the apron as they begin to work with heavy weights and punching bags. Tony Davis and Jack Harmen stand in the center of the ring.)

JACK HARMEN: The Urban Legensd obviously don't know the history of Team VIAGRA.

TONY DAVIS: I mean, look at us. We're called VIAGRA. We were NOTHING but dick and fart jokes until we MADE something of ourselves.

JACK HARMEN: This guy over here was going around selling a product called NADS.


JACK HARMEN: We accidentally killed Abe Lincoln.

TONY DAVIS: The old guy from the Gremlins movie warned us about disrupting the past.

JACK HARMEN: I think you almost became my grandfather.

TONY DAVIS: Your grandma was smokin' Jack. What can I say? The dick wants what the dick wants.

JACK HARMEN: So when the Urban Legends come out here and try to say WE don't know what it's like to be JOKE characters, managed by MIDGETS and FORGOTTEN, I just say one thing.

(Harmen smiles.)

JACK HARMEN: I wrestled a cardboard cut out of Bob Saget. And Patrick Ewing somehow got the win.

TONY DAVIS: I called Capital Punishment a turtle raper, and that's ALL he's remembered for.

JACK HARMEN: Well it's hard to forget that someone fucked a turtle.

TONY DAVIS: That's the best part! He never ninja fucked a turtle. NEVER! But that's all anyone remembers of him.

JACK HARMEN: And Boogie, the only thing people are going to remember you for after Versus, is your boogie shoes.

TONY DAVIS: Disco Smallz likes to boog-a-loo.

JACK HARMEN: Cause when we face off at Versus… y’know what? FUCK IT. You’re going to win at Versus. But MJ2’s never gonna wrestle again because I’m going to SHOOT HIM IN HIS FACE! You want to tell me my SISTER tastes like Honey Nut Cheerios!?!

TONY DAVIS: When she CLEARLY tastes like Fruit Loops.


TONY DAVIS: Mmmm… juicy artificial strawberries.

(HARMEN clenches his fist.)

JACK HARMEN: But Joseph-Jones is a DEAD MAN WALKING! No one may comment on the sweetness of my sister’s…

(JACK shudders.)

TONY DAVIS: Sweet sweet strawberry patch. And MJ? NO ONE makes jokes about fucking my wife but ME! I’m ALLOWED TO!


TONY DAVIS: Well you haven’t stopped me yet.

JACK HARMEN: I’ve TRIED. For YEARS. But you don’t listen.

TONY DAVIS: Yeah. I just couldn’t get into Homeland either.

(HARMEN sighs, slapping his head in frustration.)

JACK HARMEN: At Versus, it’s not about winning or losing anymore. No. It’s about BLOOD BLOOD BLOOD. I will straight turn your foreheads into MT. VESUVIOUS.

(HARMEN turns and shouts off screen.)

JACK HARMEN: HEY MARY! Cancel all plans! Prep my defense! I’m going to go on a MURDER SPREE!

TONY DAVIS: Oooh. Can I join?

JACK HARMEN: Of course you can my sister fucker. Of course you can.

(Jack Harmen extends his hand to Davis, and the two shake.)

TONY DAVIS: You know where this hand was an hour ago?

(Davis winks. Harmen retracts his hand and rushes off to find the nearest hand sanitizer dispenser.)


(Tony Davis pulled out a box of strawberries from his back.)

TONY DAVIS: I love me some strawberries.

(FADEOUT as Tony munches away.)