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View Full Version : The Wrestling Chronicle's MBE Report- 8/22/07



Yori Yakamo jr
08-26-07, 12:49 AM
THE WRESTLING CHRONICLE’S MBE RECAP

“Wednesday Night Warriors”
Live on ESEN from the MBE Arena in Binghamton, NY
8/22/07
Matt Burke, reporting

Lord of the Boards is a scant few weeks away, and here we are LIVE at the MBE Arena once again. They are announcing the show as a third straight sellout, but my sources say about 500 tickets were still available for the show. The walk-up usually isn’t very good, since it is a small building, but who’s to say. Yori is obviously from the Japanese school of wrestling promotion where everything is No Vacancy. Tough to say why. Doc has been a surprisingly resilient draw as champ, but the loss of MBE arena favorites like Red, Andy, and Duchess over the last few months has to make a dent in the old school fanbase. It’s been a bumpy ride over the last year in general, really. Heck, the only people on the card tonight who were on the redebut show a year ago in this same building are Doc, Mac and Hoss Garrison.

I closed the LOTB semifinals poll on the website and hour ago and you, the fans, think we will see Justin Evitable (54%) vs. Jeffrey Roberts (77%) in the finals. That would be a hot match-up, especially after the free body modification Justin got last week at the hands of the clinically and criminally insane one. Speaking of J-Rob, kind of a weak batch of e-mails suggesting a new nickname for him. Note to Dan in Arizona, The American Alien is already taken. Yeesh. Keep ‘em coming.

No Promo on the show this week. Hey, at least they aren’t advertising him only to have him taken off the show by a sexbot clad Doc Silver. Cause that wouldn’t be very nice of them. Anyway, way to promote your PPV main there, guys. This is the one PPV where you could usually get away with just selling the LOTB final, but it isn’t 2001 anymore.

On a more positive note, Jake McCody and Nate MacNally should both be ready to go for the PPV. That’s real Nate MacNally, not Butter Nate MacNally, who I can only assume has adorned various crumpets the last few weeks.

Lights. Camera. Crowd Shots. This is WNW.

A MESSAGE FROM THE CHAMP*

We flash to the MBE Video Screen (nee tron, brought to you by Glacieau Vitamin Water) and everyone’s favorite adorable asshole, Mr. Promo is on the screen. He says that he knows all his real fans want to see him out there tonight, but wait a minute, there aren’t any real MBE fans at the arena. They’re all a bunch of ingrates. Real MBE fans know that Promo is the world champ. Real MBE fans know that Doc is just a pretender, a has been, emblematic of everything that is wrong with MBE right now. More than that, he is a common thug. A buffoon who stooped to petty assault last week that sullied whatever meager legacy he may have left in the sport. His lawyer has suggested he have no contact with MBE or Doc until he works out his latest lawsuit for these unsafe working conditions. So there is no way he is showing up at WNW this week, or at the Lord of the Boards PPV. Vociferous boos for this. But now Yori appears in the upper corner of the screen. Yori says this ‘new-fangled’ picture in picture technology actually works. Promo tells the boss to stop cutting into his TV time before the ratings plummet. Yori says, wait a minute he is the boss. Promo should be in the upper corner and he should get the whole screen. And thus it is done.

Yori says everyone is tired of Promo. They already have a blowhardy bastard for a world champ, they don’t need two of them having legal slapfights over the title. So Promo will show up at Lord of the Boards with the real title, and they will settle this miss. Or else Yori will sic his legal team of Promo, and he has a feeling they have way more experience in personal litigation than Promo’s…allegedly. He tells him to pack his bags for New York City before he makes it a lingere match in pudding…with dildos…and psychedelic drugs on a pole…or…hang on... he’ll be back later. Not covered in pudding and on psychedelic drugs...probably. He tells everyone to carry on.

THE NIGHT OF THE LIVING DEAD…SOCCER HOOLIGAN

The Biffster is with Mac and Zombie Nate MacNally, who is under the ubiquitous motorcycle helmet. Biff asks how Nate is doing and Mac says he is fit as a fiddle. A zombie fiddle? He’ll be back to his old boisterous self in no time. All right then. Now about his match with Scott, who he assaulted last week. Such a nasty word, that assault. In a Sheffield pub, that wouldn’t even qualify as a friendly. But these American buggers are all a bunch of ninnies. Oh look at me, my head, it’s a bleeding. I’m going to go cry to Mama Yori and get me a match with the big bad Lot. Biff asks if Mac has his panties all in a twist because the Wednesday are already in the relegation zone in the Championship league. Mac doesn’t know, is Biff such a pill lately, because he’s slowly being phased out by a hot little red-headed number. Biff says he has an actual degree in journalism, and is not sleeping with Promo. Mac says that’s not what it says in the men’s room stall at the Arena. Biff is not happy. Nate pops his motorcycle visor and whispers something to Mac. Yeah, that was a good one, mate. Ah, it’s good to be back to normal.

‘PHENOMENAL’ FRANKIE SCOTT v. MAC FORREST

Hey, some wrestling on a wrestling show. Imagine that. The hooligans’ hooligans begin to chant along…and here’s the Lot. Mac and Nate are out, sort of…Nate almost veers off the ramp and has to be directed in the proper direction by Mac. Maybe if he didn’t walk around in the motorcycle helmet all the time his peripheral vision would be better. Hopefully he’ll be back to normal soon, because if I have to recap one more Mac singles match I may take up fly fishing or something. The Phenomenal one is out next. Curious to see how he does in his official MBE debut. He certainly has breakout star potential, no one doubts that. MBE could use a signature face outside of Justin Evitable, too.

Mac offers a handshake to start. Scott offers his right hand. To Mac’s jaw. The hooligan goes down and we are under way. No fair play there. Some more rights follow. Irish whip and a big Japanese arm drag for Mac. Scott is fired up! Fireman’s carry puts Mac back on the canvas and the phenom follows with a jumping leg drop. Mac rolls out of the ring for a breather and a pint with the Lot’s Lot up front. BEER POWER! Back in the ring, but it goes about no better as Mac walks right into a Juvi Driver for two. Mac says this is all a misunderstanding and then pokes Scott in the eye. Commence the punching! Mac steps on the back of Scott’s knee and lays in some short rights to the Phenomenal one’s cranium. A knee lift puts Scott on the canvas, but Mac whiffs on a running splash.

Scott is up first and catches Mac with a crisp Russian leg sweep. He floats over for the pin and that gets two as well. Irish whip is reversed and Scott ducks an elbow, but spills over the top rope that is conveniently held down by Nate MacNally. Some gentleman he is. Am I right, or am I right? Mac distracts Ref Yakamo with cries of bollocks, while Nate posts Frankie into the ring steps. The Gentleman rolls Scott back in and Mac is on the case, with a backbreaker and a variation on the bow and arrow hold, that involves chanting. Mostly about United Scum. Scott makes the ropes to force a break, and Mac adds some parting stomps. He elbows the phenom into the corner and lays in some euro uppercuts before whipping Scott to the far post. Blind charge hits(?!) and Scott flops onto the canvas. Mac rolls him over and covers, but only gets two. Body slam for Scott and Mac heads up top…He could be looking for the Sheffield Squash! AND THAT’S A MISS! Scott gets his knees up, which may not have been the best strategy, but I suppose it is better than letting a 230 pound drunk Brit land on top of your chest. Scott clutches at his knees while Mac is laid out calling for Mum, or Nate’s sister, or somebody. Mac is up first, he whips Scott to the ropes, but Scott reverses it…Mac bounces off….MAXIMUM RIDE! A Tilt a whirl piledriver OUT OF NOWHERE. Scott covers. Put it in the books!

WINNER: ‘PHENOMENAL’ FRANKIE SCOTT (4:47: Maximum Ride)

Well, the was a brisk opener. But hey, it’s Mac, what can you really expect? Strong win for Scott who will hopefully move on to non-drunken British opponents with four moves in their arsenal next week.

THEY’RE WACKY! THEY’RE MISMATCHED! THEY’RE TAG PARTNERS!

Dority and Greenie are loafing around Doc’s locker room. Dority sleeping, Greenie putting some in some hushed wagers on preseason football over the phone. Doc comes up behind Greenie and tells him never to take the over in preseason and Greenie jumps with a start. He jumps even higher when he sees PTSD at Doc’s side. Doc berates his compadres for their slackerdom of late. Where were they when Doc was getting punked by Promo and his precious, legitimately earned world title stolen? Loafing around and spending Doc’s money on midget strippers and three team summer league teasers, that’s where. But no more. Doc has a new partner now. He doesn’t talk much. He doesn’t eat much. And he likes to hurt people. Which is more than he can say for this bunch of ingrates. Greenie blubbers as Doc tells them to get out of his sight. They will have to earn his loyalty back. Dority is more non-plussed and tells Greenie that this happens like once a month. So calm down. They’ll go to Denny’s and wait for Doc to cool down. Or the new guy to turn on him, whatever comes first. With Doc’s henchmen replaced, the champ asks PTSD if he wants a drink.,.or...something…never mind, just go stand in the corner. PTSD obliges.

LOTB SEMIFINAL 1: “INSERT NICKNAME HERE” JEFF ROBERTS v. GENERAL MAYHEM

It’s time for our first semifinal match in the 2007 LOTB tourney. Roberts had the easy road, getting a bye to this spot, but he faces a tough customer in General Mayhem, who has looked strong in singles competition so far. The fair General is out first and is all business tonight, not even stopping to chide the hooligans in the front row to make something of themselves. Some heated words between him and Roberts last week, and frankly it wouldn’t shock me if Roberts went all Pyle on his ass. No, not PILE, Pyle. Roberts is headed out now and he is taking his sweet time…in fact he sits down on the rampway and opens a Twix bar. Mayhem is having none of this and walks out to him and orders him into the ring. Yeah, that goes over well. Roberts asks Senior Ref Lance Thunder if he has called for the bell yet. Lance says not until he gets his ass in the ring. Roberts shrugs and BLASTS General Mayhem in the balls. That was full on boot to testicle action. The crowd likes that, actually, but then, who doesn’t love a huge nutshot. Well other than People for the Ethical Treatment of Testicles.

Roberts drags the prone Mayhem into the ring behind him and Lance sighs and calls for the bell. J-Rob hits the ropes and hits a running soccer kick to Mayhem’s face as the General rises. Roberts keeps running and adds a jumping knee drop across the forehead. J-Rob puts Mayhem down with a belly to back suplex and gets a two count. Mayhem hasn’t gotten anything going since his testicles got punted. Irish whip and Roberts puts Mayhem down with a diving clothesline. And now he’s biting his arm…charming. The crowd likes that less. J-Ron hops over the top rope. He slingshots back in….somersaults…but the leg drop whiffs as Mayhem rolls to the ropes and out of the way. That has to smart a bit. Roberts is up first…but Mayhem ducks a superkick and catches Roberts with a clothesline of his own. Mayhem is pissed. He hoists Roberts and drops him with a double arm suplex before he just starts kicking away at Roberts’ midsection. A fist drop and a cover gets two. Mayhem tugs at Roberts arm with a fujiwara armbar and it’s his opponent’s turn to feel some pain. Roberts, of course, seems to be enjoying it, but even he sees the need to get to the ropes to force a break.

Mayhem gets Roberts to his feet and works an arm wringer for a bit. Irish whip and Roberts eats a powerslam. Mayhem holds for the cover and gets two and a half. He grabs the mount and starts raining down punches on Roberts. Roberts covers up and makes the ropes, Mayhem is slow to break and Roberts kicks him off and then launches himself at Mayhem. THEY ARE THROWING BOMBS! Mayhem gets the better of it, dropping Roberts with some short knees and a couple shots to the kidneys. Vertical suplex and Mayhem gets two. I’d say maybe Roberts underestimated Mayhem a bit, but that would presume that I would even hazard a guess at what goes on in his head. Mayhem tries for a piledriver, but Roberts clutches at his leg. Roberts gets a double leg trip and jumps up before driving both boots in between Mayhem’s shoulder blades. This is a fight, pure and simple. Roberts hits the ropes and bludgeons Mayhem with a baseball slide dropkick. Roberts springboards…MOONSAULTOH! Roberts covers…..2.9! As crazy a bastard as he may be, Roberts is still one of the most graceful high flyers I have ever seen.

Roberts has Mayhem up…he’s looking for a powerbomb…maybe…NO! Mayhem counters with a back drop. Roberts is up, and he eats a high kick from the General. That was a resounding thud. Mayhem is dragging Roberts towards the turnbuckle…could he bethinking about the SHOT AT DAWN…He is…He pulls Roberts up…BUT ROBERTS LEAPS OUT AND LANDS STANDING ON THE TOP TURNBUCKLE! Freaky. Mayhem is a sitting duck…SHOOTING STAR….NO! Mayhem avoids it! He wastes no time pulling Roberts to the center of the ring…INDIAN DEATHLOCK! OLD SCHOOL IMPERIALIST SUBMISSIONS! I don’t think those are screams of pleasure anymore. Roberts’ leg BOUNCED off the canvas with that miss and now he is paying for it…Roberts claws to the ropes and makes it, but he has a pronounced limp now. Mayhem attacks Roberts with low kicks and stomps down on the injured leg. Irish whip into the corner…but Roberts avoids an avalanche splash….He gets behind Mayhem…..GERMAN SUPLEX HOLD! But Roberts can't hold the bridge and Mayhem is out at two and a half. Roberts needs to put Mayhem away soon. He tries for another German Suplex…but Mayhem reaches through and grabs Roberts leg out from under him…he turns to twist him into a reverse spinning toe hold, but Roberts reaches up and hooks Mayhem’s head….INSIDE CRADLE….2.9! Mayhem escapes!

Mayhem knocks Roberts to the canvas with an axe handle blow and looks for a belly to back suplex…Roberts slips out…RELEASE DRAGON SUPLEX! YEEEOUCH! Huge counter from the insane one. Roberts limps to his feet…he’s heading up top…that might not be so good for his knee. Roberts tries to jump up, but his knee isn’t cooperating and he has to climb up slowly. Mayhem is there to cut him off! Mayhem tries to toss him off the top, but Roberts has his legs wrapped around the post. He kicks Mayhem off…JUMPING DDT! MAYHEM’S SKULL IS DRIVEN INTO THE CANVAS…that has to be it…NO! 2.9! Mayhem gets a shoulder up. Roberts is pissed! He limps back to his feet. He’s gonna try for the Lyger Bomb….that seems unlikely. Yep, his leg gives out and Mayhem lands on top. Mayhem slowly gets up to his feet… He’s looking for the Shot at Dawn again…he drags Roberts over to the ropes….Roberts kicks him off…he rolls back to his feet…SUPERKICK! He nearly beheaded Roberts with that. Roberts drags Mayhem to his feet and CRUSHES HIM with another release Dragon Suplex. He positions him perfectly near the turnbuckle…the insane one is up top….SHOOTING STAR GUILLOTINE! Roberts screams in pain and clutches his knee, but the damage is done…Roberts rolls on top…hooks a leg…and THAT’S IT. ROBERTS IS ONTO THE FINALS!

WINNER: JEFF ROBERTS (13:02: Shooting Star Guillotine)

Roberts refuses all help from Ref Thunder and limps to the back on his own. Weird match as it was tough to have much of a rooting interest. The crowd responded okay to the big spots…and of course to the groin punting, though. Roberts has to be the favorite to take the title, but seriously, where are all the babyfaces at…I can’t live in a world where Doc is more likable than TWO opponents.

ONE ON ONE WITH ONAN

A clearly enthused Taylor O’Halloran is with the Ultimate Adonis. Onan wants to know why she is in such a mood when she gets to be in the presence of a man such of himself. Or perhaps she is suffering from the PMS. O’Halloran is offended by such an accusation. Onan says there is no shame in spontaneously ovulating when confronted by the Ultimate Adonis. He has the perfect cure for the cramping…it’s in his pants…This could end badly. But no, it is just a copy of ‘Adonis Abs,’ Johnny Onan’s new workout video. Okay then, I carry ‘Matt Burke Teaches Wrestling Snark’ in my jeans as well. My Bad Idea Jeans. Anyway, people think Johnny is just a one trick pony. And while his arms alone are impressive enough on their own to make women swoon and men question their workout regimen, Johnny is gonna prove that he is the total package. Model. Wrestler. Adonis. Fitness Video Superstar. And now, Lord of the Boards.

PTSD/DOC SILVER v. ‘WILD CARD’ JEFF HAWKINS/HOSS GARRISON

Time for some tag team action as the Tex-Mex Billies take on Doc and Petey. I wonder if Doc has jumped the shark now that he added a lovable sidekick. Well, loveable compared to Doc at least. I know Jake came out of the ladder match with some fairly serious injuries, but it has kind of thrown the tag division into disarray. Not that they had any ready-made challengers anyway. Not the Thrillbillies are out first. Hawkins showed up two weeks in a row. Well, good for him. Hoss stops at the entrance way and waves out Jake McCody, who comes out in street clothes to a nice ovation from the MBE faithful. Jake accompanies his tag partner to ringside, and we await the champ. Doc comes out now, looking positively naked without the world title around his waist. He does bring out Petey, though, who looks positively bemused at the response Doc gets from the crowd. Petey just steps over the top rope, annoying Doc, who is apparently used to having the ropes held open by his henchmen. Petey does go right after Hoss though, dropping him with a big boot while he is talking to his partner. So he’s got that going for him.

Wild Card takes some shots at Petey, but quickly finds himself off the canvas, driven down with a Samoan drop. Doc finally makes his way through the ropes and rushes over to stomp away at Wild Card. That’s our Doc. Hoss is up now and spears Doc to the canvas as Ref Tuss desperately tries to get some control over the situation. Petey peels Hoss off his partner and presses the Billy over his head….holeee ****. He drops Hoss throat first across the top rope as Tuss decided he is better off ushering Doc out of the ring than his partner. So it’s Hoss and PTSD to start. Irish whip and Hoss eats a BIG TYME sidewalk slam. Doc calls for the tag and Petey obliges. Doc makes with the stomping. He gets Hoss up and delivers an atomic drop as Doc reaches deep into the bag of moves. Bulldog is less successful as Hoss shoves him off and is PISSED OFF. Doc gets trampled by a running shoulder block. And Hoss UNLEASHES the flurry of Hansen elbow drops. He grabs Doc by the legs and hoists him for a wheelbarrow suplex. That gets two. Wild Card wants in now, and we get some SWANK DOUBLE TEAMS, as Hoss hits Doc with an inverted atomic drop and Hawkins springboards in with a dropkick to the back of Doc’s skull. Doc crumples in a heap. Another two count.

Hawkins chops Doc into the corner. Irish whip is reversed, but Hawkins dodges a blind charge and catches Doc with a neckbreaker. Another cover, but Petey breaks this one up by lifting Hawkins off by his waist and slamming him into the turnbuckles. Well, that was emphatic. Hoss is not pleased and tries to join the fray. Ref Tuss holds him off as Hawkins stumbles into a Doc low blow, followed by a DDT. Doc goes back to playing dead as Ref Tuss turns around. Doc makes a HERCULEAN crawl to the ropes, than decided to forget it and just roll over and make the tag. Petey is in and drives his knees into the kidneys of Hawkins. He lifts Hawkins into a bear hug and shakes him around before driving him into the unfriendly corner and adding some shoulder blocks to the ribs while Doc chokes Wild Card with the tag rope. Doc tags himself in and adds some kicks to the gut. Wild Card slumps over and Doc rakes his boot across his opponent’s face. Doc tries a suplex, but Wild Card twists out and gets a reverse roll-up for two. Doc is displeased and DROPS Hawkins with a superkick as he gets up. Doc needs a breather and pulls out a straightjacket choke. Tuss asks Hawkins if he wants to call it a day, but Wild Card says ‘no dice.’ He powers up, but Doc puts him back down with some knees to his back. Hoss has had enough and steamrolls in with a Crimson Nose Job for Doc, which SHOCKINGLY does not immediately bust the champ open.

Petey is in now, as it is breaking down. Ref Tuss tries to restore order as Hawkins catches a kick from Doc, spins the champ around and pulls the LONE STAR FLASH out of nowhere. Okay, now Doc is bleeding. Hawkins covers….NO! Petey breaks it up. Hoss is on Petey in a flash and starts throwing his hemimakers….but Petey blocks the third one. Hoss ducks a lariat…and lets loose with the headbutts. Petey is caught off guard and gets drilled with about a half dozen, and he is reeling, CRIMSON NOSE JOB! Petey is down. Hoss heads up top as Hawkins blocks a Doc DDT and puts him down with a Northern Lights Suplex….No! Doc is out at two. He’s signaling for the Blackjack! Hoss leaps off the top….KNEE DROP MISSES! Petey rolled out of the way! Hawkins has Doc up…BLACKJACK! THE CHAMP IS DOWN! Hawkins cover…1….2…..NO! Petey makes the save. He’s got Hawkins in the Full Nelson and he is working the hold like a bastard. He lifts Hawkins up and runs across the ring with Wild Card in the Full Nelson, slamming him chest first into the turnbuckles. Hoss is up and lifts Doc for the DIXIE DRIVAHHHHHH…..NO! Doc slips out….GERMAN SUPLEX! OUTTA NOWHERE! Hoss is down! Doc tags in Petey and slumps in the corner. Petey hooks Hoss’s legs. He turns the champ over…It’s the STRESS DISORDER! PTSED has the cloverleaf locked in….and Hoss is tapping.

WINNER: PTSD/DOC SILVER (PTSD->HOSS 10:22: Stress Disorder)

Petey isn’t breaking the hold and Jake is in the ring now to help his partner. Doc cuts him off. ACE’S FULL STUNNAH! What a bastard. Jake goes down clutching his neck. Hawkins is on the scene now and he flies in with a cross body on Doc, and he lays in the rights on the mat as Doc covers up. Petey gives up the hold and removes Hawkins from Doc. He locks the Full nelson on again and tosses Hawkins around like a rag doll before heaving him across the ring. PTSD hoists Doc over his shoulder and carries him to the back…umm…okay then. Where’s the Bodyguard theme when you really need it?

Fun little brawl. I like this PTSD/Doc team, even if it is really, really weird. Hope Jake is okay as he got up really gingerly after that stunner. Hoss is pissed off. Hawkins is pissed off. You haven’t heard the last of this, I have a feeling. Petey is still a scary mother****er. And with Doc supplying the brains, could be seriously dangerous.

TO THE CONTROL ROOM

The Biffster is in the MBE Control room with YOUR Lord of the Boards rundown. September 9th, live from the Hammerstein Ballroom in New York City. Jeffrey Roberts has punched his ticket for the Lord of the Boards finale, and he will face either Justin Evitable or Johnny Onan in the finals. Also, for the world title, to settle the question of who the real world champion is once and for all, it will be Doc Silver against Promo. Just announced by Yori earlier this evening (hopefully before the pudding and drug bender) will be Frankie Scott and Jeff Hawkins against The Sheffield Wednesday Lot in tag team action. And since both PTSD and General Mayhem have wins over Hoss Garrison on the last two shows, they will get a shot at being named number one contenders to the World Tag Team Championship as they take on ROBOYORI and a partner to be named. (Okay, so maybe he was on drugs for that one). Plus, there will be more in the coming days. Well, I would hope so, Bifffarooni.

TEMPORARY TATOOS

Justin is sitting in front of the camera looking more sullen than usual. He says usually he is a happy go lucky guy, in it for some wrestling and sexy parties. He’s proven that he can hang with the best in MBE now, but then Jeffrey Roberts had to go and ruin his fun. He tried to brand him like cattle last week. Fortunately for him, Yori knows some good plastic surgeons. Granted, their area of expertise is elsewhere, but Yori assures him that their won’t even be a scar left when they are done with him. Not a physical scar, perhaps. The last man that tried to carve him up like Thanksgiving turkey isn’t in the company anymore, and Justin is a big reason for that. Once he’s done with Johnny Onan tonight, he’ll be coming for Jeff Roberts at Lord of the Boards, and victory their will be doubly…sweet? Awesome? Sextastic? We’ll never know cause Jeff Roberts comes out of nowhere and CRACKS a chair over Justin’s skull before he can finish his sentence. The sick bastard isn’t done there as he PILEDRIVES JUSTIN ON THE CONCRETE! That is just unseemly. Jeff grabs intrepid MBE cameraman Charlie Hustle by the collar and drags him off to go hide, because THEY are coming. Whatever big boy. He kicks some stuff off that is blocking a storage closet and they go and hide as you hear medics tend to Justin. Suddenly Jeff realizes he’s not alone. It’s THAT 70s TEAM and they are still in the closet from a month ago. Jeff wants to know how they are still alive and commends them on their survival skills. Fortunately the closet stores Tab and circus peanuts and they have survived on them for the last month. Jeff says he would have been more impressed if they ate their own arms off or something. Boogie says when they get out of here they are gonna kill the Thrillbillies. But he’s gonna take a shower first, cause he’s kind of grody.

LOTB SEMINFINAL 2: ‘THE TRUE FACE’ JUSTIN EVITABLE v. ‘THE ULTIMATE ADONIS’ JOHNNY ONAN

Time for our MAIN EVENT for the second spot in the Lord of the Boards final. Well, assuming Justin can make it out now. Yikes. One thing you have to say about the J-Rob, there doesn’t even seem to be a perverse logic to what he does, but he does seem to have fun doing it. Well, Onan is out first with his usual pomp and circumstance. I suppose his narcissism prevents him from caring about Justin’s predicament, or even possibly being aware of it. It doesn’t seem to have impacted his meticulous robe selection procedure, at least. Justin’s music starts playing, but there is no sign of the True Face. Onan is growing impatient and tells Ref Thunder to start his count. The chorus starts up, and finally, Justin emerges to big time cheers from the crowd. He is cradling his neck in one hand as EMTs try to work on him or get him to return to the back. Justin shrugs them off and charges down the length of the rampway. Onan is out to meet him, not even carefully removing his robe before laying in the rights. It’s a slugfest on the ramp, and somehow Justin gets the better of it. He clotheslines Onan over the top and into the ring, before springboarding in with a GIGANTOR TORNADO DDT! Justin wastes no time going for a quick cover. No! Onan is out at two. Justin struggles back to his feet…he’s measuring Onan…SKEET…NO! Onan ducks….He reaches back….HANGMAN’S NECKBREAKER! Ouch! Justin is down hard. Onan takes a moment to shake of the cobwebs and makes with the stomping.

Onan has Justin up now and clubs him in the neck and upper back with some forearms as Justin crumples back on the mat. Onan shrugs and poses for the ARROGANT COVER~! But Justin kicks out at two. Onan follows with a smooth legdrop across the throat. He locks in a neck vise and Justin is screaming but won’t give up. Onan switches to a sleeper on the mat and this match may not be long for the world. Thunder checks on Justin, but he won’t let his hand drop even once and he finds the ropes with his left leg to force a break. Onan beckons the True Face to his feet, taunts him even, as the crowd boos. Don’t forget Justin took a ****kicking at Singled Out from Petey to even make it this far. Justin gets to his feet but gets nearly beheaded by a lariat from Onan. Onan covers…2.5! Onan is a little annoyed now and hoists Justin for a hanging Vertical Suplex. He holds Justin up for what seems like an eternity, but out of nowhere JUSTIN COUNTERS WITH A SMALL PACKAGE….2.9! Onan barely escapes. The Adonis is up to his feet quickly and stomps down on the face of the True Face. He whips Justin off the ropes and catches him with a SCHWEET dropkick. Adonis does a little catwalk for the crowd before dropping a knee across the throat of Justin. He covers….Justin BARELY gets a shoulder up!

Adonis goes back to the neck vise as Justin squirms for the ropes. Those forearms are not to be trifled with, though. They can pop the head off a sexbot after all. Justin makes the ropes again, but he is clearly seeing the effects of his injuries now as he just sort of slumps against the ropes. Johnny Onan has had enough, and the Adonis signals for the HEADLOCK FROM HELL~! Justin is to one knee…Onan is stalking him….HEADLOCK FROM…NO! Justin counters immediately with a HYOOGE BACKDOP DRIVAH! That must have been pure instinct! The Adonis is down, Justin is laying on the mat as well and Thunder starts his ten count. Justin is to his feet at eight! And he is measuring Onan…SKEETBOARD! Justin cracked Onan with his signature kick! He covers….2.5! It’s not enough to keep the Ultimate Adonis down. Justin tries to follow up with another SKEETBOARD! ONAN CATCHES HIS LEG! JUSTIN DUCKS A CLOTHESLINE! He swings around Onan and schoolboys him….2.9! Onan escapes another flash pin from the True Face! Onan is up first….dropkick misses! Justin sidestepped it! He PUNTS ONAN RIGHT IN HIS MILLION DOLLAR MUG! Onan is down…and Justin is heading up top…He looks a little wobbly, like his equilibrium is shot. Onan is feeling is contorted nose and he is NOT HAPPY. He rolls to his feet and he crotches Justin on the top turnbuckle. Justin just took too much time getting up there. Onan is following him up into the hig rent district. Ruh-Roh Raggy. Onan is trying to lock Justin in for a suplex, while the True Face tries desperately to block it. Justin frees himself…and goes to the eyes…Onan is blinded….Justin shoves him off the tope rope and Onan lands on the canvas…Justin is up on the top turnbuckle….DOUBLE STOMP! He crushes Onan’s rib cage with both feet! Justin picks Onan up…..VIDA INFRA…NO! ONAN BLOCKS! He falls back and Justin’s face CLANGS against the top turnbuckle. Justin snaps back into a heap….he falls through the ropes and out to the floor. That may be his saving grace as Onan is still a little loopy.

Onan gathers himself and rolls out under the bottom rope to get Mr. Evitable. Justin is only up to all fours by the time Onan gets to him and he is returned to the mats with a few stomps. Onan has other plans, though, as he hoists Justin up over his head in a Military Press and walks him towards the barricade. Justin sense what is coming, though, and wriggles free, landing behind the Ultimate Adonis. He shoves Onan into the barricade and tries for a German Suplex on the floor! He can’t seem to hoist him. Too much weight or not enough gas left in the tank. Take your pick. A few elbows to the injured neck frees Onan and the Adonis turns the tables. He grabs Justin by the tights and sends him head first into the barricade! Yeeouch! Mindful of the ref’s count, Onan quickly rolls the True Face in and follows himself. He goes for a quick cover in the ring…NO! Justin gets his foot on the ropes. Onan is a little annoyed at himself, or maybe at Justin. He can't stay mad at his beautiful visage, anyway, and he drags the True Face to the center of the ring and locks on a sleeper. There is less fight in Justin this time as he weakly kicks towards the ropes. The crowd tries to rally the True Face, but there is not much fight left in Justin. He goes limp and Ref Thunder has to check on him….there’s one hand drop….two…..Thr…NO! Justin gets his hand up, and he deposits it right in the eyes of the Adonis! And again! Onan breaks the hold and tries to rub his eyes. He is pissed! He grabs Justin by the hair and yanks him to his feet….VMA! VMA! JUSTIN WITH HIS WHIPPERSNAPPER STUNNER OUT OF NOWHERE! You have to give the kid credit, he is fighting with everything he has. Justin collapses on the mat. He slooooowly rolls over and drapes his upper bodv over Onan’s. Ref Thunder counts….2.99! Onan gets the shoulder up! That deflated the crowd who popped HYOOGE for the VMA!

I don’t know if Justin has anything left, but he is to his feet first….He measures Onan….VIDA INFRA! Justin is feeling it! He is heading up top. I don’t know about this one….A little pelvic thrusting…SHOOTING STAR PRE….NO! ONAN rolls out of the way and Justin goes SPLAT! Justin is on the canvas and he is out…I guess he had to go for the home run there…but he is out of it. Onan is up…He’s not wasting any time. He gets Justin up…HEADLOCK FROM HELL!!! JUSTIN IS SCREAMING IN AGONY! Well, that woke him up. Justin is trying to lift Onan up for a backdrop anything, really, but Onan is ready for it this time and has his weight spread pretty good. Justin flails for the ropes but Onan just locks it in tighter….THAT’S IT! JUSTIN IS TAPPING! ONAN IS ON TO THE FINALS WITH AN ASSIST FROM JEFF ROBERTS!

WINNER: ‘THE ULTIMATE ADONIS’ JOHNNY ONAN (16:35: Headlock From Hell)

Johnny Onan drops Justin to the canvas and basks in the less than friendly afterglow from the MBE faithful. The EMTs are back out to check on Justin who gave it his all, but was fighting from behind the whole match thanks to that nutjob Roberts. Justin is put in a neck brace and rolled onto a stretcher as Onan collects his robe and Till tells us all to buy the PPV.

Good match, all things considered, with Justin throwing everything he had at Onan, but Onan playing it smart and coming out on top. Onan is maturing quickly in-ring as his skills and psychology catch up with his obvious charisma. He might have been able to beat Justin at 100 percent, but we won’t know yet. I don’t know what to think about the Roberts assist. Maybe Roberts wanted to face Onan, or maybe Roberts is just a violent sociopath whose motives are completely inscrutable. Yeah, I’ll bet on the latter.

TO RECAP

Interesting show all in all, built around the two Lord of the Boards semis, both of which were strong matches, even if Mayhem/Roberts suffered a bit from the lack of anyone to cheer for. Roberts/Onan is an…odd finals match-up, but they are both clearly talented and deserving of their spots, shenanigans aside. Tough sell with four unlikable guys in the top two matches and nothing else officially announced for Lord of the Boards. I don’t predict a great buyrate, especially with the challenger not on the show this week. I’m sure they will announce some stuff coming out of this show for the PPV, but weird build-up this whole cycle. I guess they are still getting their bearings, and they’ve had a lot of debuts. MBE has delivered on all their PPVs so far, so we’ll see if they can do it again. I’ll be back tomorrow on the blog with ratings, fallout, rewind rewards, and perhaps a pretty big scoop heading into LOTB. See ya then.