View Full Version : [WF vs. A-List] Kenjiro Ito vs. The Illustrious Face-Eater - Falls Count Anywhere

08-07-07, 07:25 PM
Group C matchup.

RP deadline is 8/15 @ 11:59:59 PM Eastern Daylight Time. All regular rules apply.

Seymour Almasy
08-10-07, 05:28 PM
"You've got to be joking me."

Sitting in a terminal at Narita International Airport, the self professed Future of Wrestling, Kenjiro Ito, was not a happy man.

Ito: THAT'S THE BEST YOU COULD DO FOR ME? TEAMING ME WITH THOSE SCHMUCKS? I am KENJIRO ITO. The last Jolt Triple Crown Champion! The only Japanese guy in wrestling worth a *******! And you're teaming me with a guy named November, Shawn Arrows, and Onslaught. Did you raid a backyard fed to find these guys?! Kenjiro friggin' Ito, I
WILL have someone's head for this!

Ito's pleasure, however, was about to be decreased considerably.

Ito: Falls count anywhere. Against WHO?! THAT moron? Okay, now I know this is a joke. It's a bad f*cking dream that I'm going to wake up from surrounded by hot American blondes who love the Itocock. There's no way in Hell I'd get booked to face the Illustrious Face Eater.

Silence on the other end of the phone seemed to indicate that this, indeed, was the case.


WIth that, the Bringer of the Ice Age threw his cell phone across the terminal, where it promptly
smacked a five year old in the head. Yes, Ito AIMED for the five year old. That's gangsta, *****es.

Ito: Note to self: Don't hire an agent to promote your career. Agents are dumb. They think signing me up as a member of a team trying to win a cup named after a frog is a good way to resurrect my career. So, now I have to go to Texas, which may be one of three places I hate more than France, to fight a marijuana smoking nutjob out of touch with reality moron in a falls count anywhere match. GOD, WHY DIDN'T I SAVE MY MONEY?! WHY DID I BLOW $2000 A DAY ON STRIPPERS! I COULD HAVE SPENT HALF THAT AND STILL HAD MONEY!

A devilish smirk, though, appears on Kenjiro's face.

Ito: ...because I'm Kenjiro Ito. That's why. Because I refuse to go half-assed when only the whole, fine bubble booty will do! Christ, it's been FAR, FAR too long since I got in a ring and
introduced someone to the Ice Age!

...it had been in PRIME, as a matter of fact. An irony which was not lost on Kenjiro as he rubbed his hands together.

Ito: And it looks like Face Eater drew the unlucky straw for Team A-List. The two gay porn actors got lucky; they're facing Arrows and Onslaught. Mike Wade got to go one on one with a man named the worst month of the year, a month people only care about because it has Thanksgiving so that fat Americans who can't stick to their flavor of the month diet can stuff themselves with turkey, mashed potatoes, and cranberry sauce. While Wade's busy confronting Giblet Man, and Ferguson and Tsonda face the two guys who can't keep a job at a freakin' MOVIE THEATRE, it looks like getting ANY POINTS AT ALL is going to fall upon the capable shoulders of your hero and mine, Kenjiro Ito.

The Bringer of the Ice Age smirks, rummaging through his carry-on bag for his ticket. He holds it in his hands, looking down at it with obvious determination in his eyes.

Ito: Y'see, Ignomionous Cock Gobbler, for reasons unknown to me, you're up towards the top of the PRIME food chain. As much as a win over you means about as much to me as a good crap in the morning, the rest of the world will go "OH EM GEE THAT JAPANESE GUY BEAT THE ILLUSTRIOUS FACE EATER!!! HE R TEH PWN LET US PAY HIM TEH MONIES TO COME WRESTLE FOR US." See, I'm unemployed right now, living off what severance pay I get from Damian Lee ****ing up Jolt Wrestling beyond all repair. Only reason I'm even IN a TEAM event is so that I can kick some ass and make myself worth more money to some other promotion, because this place blows. Who gives a **** about teams? I AM A ONE MAN TEAM OF AWESOME AND WIN. I could take on the A-List by myself in three straight matches and not break a sweat. Fortunately, the virgin in charge of this project pulled me aside and said "Hey, Ito, we can't let you go by yourself, you'd humiliate everyone else too easily!" And so, I was saddled with Shawn Arrows, Onslaught, and November. That's a true story by the way. Go look it up on Wikipedia.

Ito rises, picking up his bag at the call for his gate, and beginning to march over towards it.

Ito: A-List...you're lucky you're facing a team with one superstar and three semen stains on the underwear of the world. You may win the war, but I guarantee you, with falls count anywhere, the Face Eater's losing the battle. Have fun going through the rest of the tournament a man down, because your weed-smoking patsy is going back ten thousand years, courtesy of ITO'S ICE AGE. Take care, girls. See you in Texas.


eating faces
08-16-07, 02:04 AM
<i>Face-Eater: I don't think any of us knew what to expect on our trip to the Himalayas.</i>

The first to pass the peak of the hill, but possibly the most tired, the Illustrious Face-Eater's posture is held in tact merely by his walking stick. As he graces the flattest part of the grassy mound he collapses.

Chandler Tsonda, Danny Ferguson, and his Un****able partner Mike Wade are right behind him. As Chandler and Danny pass their teammate, they both roll their eyes with a look that says they've seen these antics many times before, while Wade carries a genuine look of concern on his face.

"Face, are you alright?!" he yells, tossing his pack to the ground and dropping to his knees. He drapes over Adam Dick with two extended fingers, checking for his pulse in odd areas. "Speak to me, Face!"


"You're the one that drug us here, TEAM captain." Danny replies before taking a sip of his Evian.

"Drugs!? WHERE?!"

<i>Tsonda: He was so desperate; it was actually kind of pathetic. I mean, he couldn't even eat his food. Just because he couldn't get stoned.

Chandler Tsonda leans forward towards the 'Life on the List' confessional camera, as if he's having a personal conversation with all of the viewers at home.

Tsonda: He even asked some guy renting camels out, or whatever the hell they were, if he could hook up a dime bag. I mean, come on?!</i>

"No drugs, Face, just us, the fagot camera crew, and this fabulous view we've got." Wade motions to the glorious horizon in the distance, with the sun hanging low just behind a distant mountain range. Facey looks up at one of the cameramen.

<i>Face-Eater: What can I say? I wanted to get high.</i>

"YOU." The scene cuts wit the Face-Eater shaking the camera, to another feed that captures the entire scene in crystal clear HD. "GIVE ME YOUR ****ING DRUGS. I DON'T CARE IF IT'SECSTACY-MIXED-WITH-DOG-STEROIDS, GIVE IT THE **** TO ME."

"Calm down!" Mike and Chandler both pull Facey off of the cameraman while Danny just watches on disapprovingly.

"If I were captain, we'd still be ****ing marching." He says.

<i>Wade: So Face and Danny are *****ing at each other, right?</i>


"We've got to get through Siwilik if we want to get to Pakistan in time. Now, just like you, I too am not eager to get to that Curry-stained piece of religious Hell but if we plan on making it past those crazy Mongolian bandits of crazy Asian folklore, we'd better get go--"

<i>Wade: And all of a sudden, this voice....</i>


<i>Wade: This voice comes out of no where.</I>

Facey loosens his grip on the cameraman. Wade and Chan loosen their grip on the Face-Eater. They all look around the orange, open sky and the grassy hills they trek across.

"What the **** was that?"

"Don't change the subject!" Danny yells at his team. "Everyone knows that I'm the true captain of this team. If we trusted you, we'd all be millions of dollars in debt by now."

"THAT ONLY HAPPENED ONE TIME! And we all know it doesn't count because it was to Chandler."

Danny replies with a tone that cuts Facey's defense in half like a machete.

"What about that one poker game where you went under eight-hundred grand?"

An awkward silence lingers until Chandler finally pipes in.

"He's right, Face. Even I know not to play a Poker game with Arrows, Onslaught, and Ito."

We fade on that, because Joe is an idiot and only learned of the existence of time-zones just now.

08-16-07, 08:20 PM
Facey's RP sadly doesn't count because it was posted past deadline in response to a non-buzzer beater.

Seymour Almasy
08-16-07, 08:33 PM
Blah. I'm glad you got something up either way, Joe.

Besides, you probably had your fill of the ganja and maybe even went on a date in the past month, which is more than can be said for me.

*bows* We'll have our match one day, good sir.

08-16-07, 08:36 PM
Blah. I'm glad you got something up either way, Joe.

Besides, you probably had your fill of the ganja and maybe even went on a date in the past month, which is more than can be said for me.

*bows* We'll have our match one day, good sir.
Do I smell a rematch at SuperShow VII? ;)

eating faces
08-16-07, 08:45 PM
i will kill seymour almasy...