View Full Version : [NEW vs. NFW] Tact and Hart vs. Prof T and Yori

08-07-07, 07:23 PM
Group B matchup.

RP deadline is 8/15 @ 11:59:59 PM Eastern Daylight Time. All regular rules apply.

Yori Yakamo jr
08-10-07, 03:44 PM
"Yori, time to wake up."

"Oh Smitty, I just had the most terrible dream."

"What was it. Did Apeman Hitler and Ron Popeil imprison you in an underground lair and force you to leap into various fratboy virgins, helping them to finally get laid, and then leaping you out before the moment off climax?"

"No. I dreamt I was in a tag team with Professor Tremendous and the univers exploded due to our sheer awesomeness. I was left alone, floating through space, with only my robot dog, YORIPUP to comfort me."

"You didn't sodimize the dog, did you."

"No, fortunately also floating through space with me was a copy of THAI HOOKER MONTHLY. April 2002."

"A good month."

"A very good month. But you are teaming with Professor Tremendous."

"Oh. Well, watch out for universe-sized explosions."

"Will do."


Yori is eating breakfast with the gang.

YORI: Man, I don't feel so good.

SMITTY: I told you not to eat that second bowl of Yori-os.

YORI: But Smitty, the adult in me loves it's healthy oat crunch. And in the kid in me loves it's maple glaze. And the fact that it's poured into Thai Hooker breast milk.


YORI: I know, sexbot.

SMITTY: Okay, Professor said he would meet us at noonish for a training and strategy session.

YORI: I can believe Craig Miles is making me team with STOOPID Professor Tremendous. I hate him.

SMIITY: Yori, you have to be an adult about this.




YORI: Seriously, why couldn't I team with Mittens. Mittens understands me.

SMITTY: Mittens is a bad influence on you, Yori.

YORI: That's not true! We have fun together.

SMITTY: Just the other day I had to bail you out of jail after Mittens told you to kick a crippled midget in the nuts.


SMITTY: And then you tried to light him on fire!


SMITTY: I always knew furries would be the death of you. I just figured it would be Almasy.


SMITTY: Well, he is.

YORI: Why can't I team with El Tremendo, like last year. Those were good times.

SMITTY: Because you are on TEAM NFW this year.

YORI: Well, balls.

SMITTY: Now finish your grapefruit.


SMITTY: Jesus ROBOYORI, what did you put in his coffee.


SMITTY: Well, that's normal at least. I don't know why he is acting like a little baby.

YORI: Hey, I'm the number one contender to the Team Champion of Champions title. I should be able to put in my own team. It would be TEAM YORI. It'd be me....ROBOYORI. YORI XVIII, intergalatic time and space pirate...and Mike Randalls.

SMITTY: Randalls is already the coach of TEAM NFW.

YORI: Why won't Randalls tag with me? He's better than that smelly Professor Tremendous, and he is better at killing highly evolved apemen. Who I imagine we will be wrestling at some point in this tournament.

SMITTY: Actually, you are fighting TEAM NEW, the defending Dupree Cup champs. A tag team called Tact and Hart

YORI: Those don't really sound like apemen names.

SMITTY: I would imagine they are probably not apemen.

YORI: That's too bad, cause one of the few things Professor is good for is fighting apes...and being a BIG MEANIE.

SMITTY: Are you still upset that he beat you for the CSWA championship, twice?

YORI: It's not fair, I should be CSWWhatever champion.

SMITTY: Well, your claim is no less legitamate, really.

YORI: I don't even like NFW anymore. So phooey. I go to the office and there is all these weird people who just sort of sit around playing snood or talking on their cellphone and they don't laugh at my joke about the Thai Hooker, the Rabbi, and the terminating dildo army from the future.

SMITTY: I thought that was the Green Rabbit's prediction of your doom?

YORI: Well, I think it's funny. People nowadays just don't understand humor.


YORI: See.

SMITTY: Look, NFW has been very good to you. They've given you free air time to hawk your dildos, they've set up a Sexual Harassment Defense Fund in your name, and you have free wifi in your locker room. Plus a nice selection of scones.

YORI: Well, I do like scones.

SMITTY: There ya go.

YORI: And free internet porn.

SMITTY: Doesn't everybody.

YORI: All right. I will do it. BEWARE TEAM. AGENT YORI IS ON THE CASE. A CASE OF SEXINESS...and some wrestling. I will team with my archenemy to defeat an even archier enemy. THE APEMEN OF NEW.

SMITTY: They are not actually apemen.

YORI: That's not what Hida said in his most recent text.

SMITTY: Christ, speaking of bad influences. You need to stop listening to that old bitter coot.

YORI: That's right. I succeed where he fails. I will bring the Dupree cup home, and then he can drink the bitter taste of defeat from the moonshine I brew inside of it.

SMITTY: Well, it's good to have goals.


08-15-07, 12:41 AM
(Professor Tremendous sits at a hotel bar drowning his sorrows in bourbon. A new bartender comes on shift, he counts in his register drawers and then heads right over to the Prof.)

BARTENDER: Hey pal, why the long face?

PROF: Because life sucks.

BARTENDER: I see. Want to talk about it?

PROF: Nah.


(The bartender starts to move away unitil the Good Professor leaps up and grabs him my the collar - pulling him close.)

PROF: Do you know who I am!?

BARTENDER: I...uh...?

(Prof releases him and slumps back onto his bar stool)

PROF: Or more like who I was. You see, two weeks ago I was somebody. I was a champion. Okay, I guess technically I still am a champion. But two weeks ago I was the leader of the greatest crew of Wrestlng Talents ever assembled on one globe. I had a team. I had THE TEAM. The Team Tremendous. I had a midget. I had a goat. I had a sycophant, and and olympic medalist, and a tidy giant, and some other guy. I had it all!

BARTENDER: So what happened?

PROF: I lost it, of course.

BARTNEDER: Well, obviously. I meant more specifically.

PROF: It was all my fault. I mistreated them. I took them for granted. And then - when I needed them most - they turned on me and clobbered me with an entire row of folding metal chairs.

BARTENDER: Isn't that always the way?

PROF: Isn't it.

BARTENDER: It sucks to lose it all.

PROF: Well, I didn't lose "It All." I mean I am still the CSWA UNIFIED* Monkey World Heavyweight Champion of the World. But I guess I could have shared a bit of the glory. I guess I could have tossed them just the meagerest of bones every now and again.

BARTENDER: I guess it could be worse though, right?

PROF: I can hardly see how.

BARTENDER: Well you could be getting teamed up with Yori Yakamo.

PROF: True that.

(The bar phone rings and the Bartender goes to get it. Prof downs another shot of bourbon. The bartender returns.)

BARTENDER: Excuse me sir. Are you Professor Tremendous?

PROF: I am.

BARTENDER: Bad news. That was some guy named Miles from New Frontier Wrestling. Apparently I spoke to soon. You are scheduled to team with Yori Yakamo in the Dupree Cup competition against the NEW Team of Larry Tact and Shawn J. Hart.

PROF: How can that be? I don't even work for New Frontier Wrestling.

BARTENDER: Apparently you signed a contract with them the other night during a drunken bender in Tuscaloosa.

PROF: Damn. I knew nothing good could ever happen in Tuscaloosa. Damn Greyhound and their "You may only deficate in our specifically designated area" policy.

BARTENDER: Ha ha. You have to team with Yori Yakamo.

PROF: Come now. It can't be that bad.

BARTENDER: No? I mean the guy runs around with a sex robot and a dude named Smitty. I mean how lame is that?

PROF: Well, at least we have an easy match this week.


PROF: Darn straight we do. I mean, The Good Professor has never lost to a bunch of new guys ever.

BARTENDER: No. Not new. NEW.

Wait a second. Did you say Yori Yakamo runs around with a robot?

BARTENDER: Yeah. A SEX robot.

PROF: And what's Asimov's Second Law of Robotics?

BARTENDER: "A robot must obey orders given to it by human beings except where such orders would conflict with the First Law," of course.

PROF: Which means a robot would never turn on its master during the middle of a Tournament of Champions match.

BARTENDER: Certainly not.

PROF: This is perfect.


PROF: I need to find a way to get that robot.

(Prof bounds up from the bar stool. He smooches the bartender on the forehead and heads for the door.)

BARTENDER: But what about Tact and Hart?

PROF: Let them get their own robots.

BARTENDER: Oh. And you bill?

PROF: send it to the Miles guy at New Frontier.

(Prof Exits)

08-15-07, 01:39 AM
Fade in...

On a TEAM logo, bolstered around it by a circular caption for the 2nd Annual Chad Dupree Cup Tournament. Zooming out, we see this logo displayed prominently on a royal blue backdrop, at the top of the shot. Standing below it is a man wearing an ankle-length, black leather coat, boots, and leather pants; a brown dress shirt, the first few buttons left undone; and fingerless black gloves. His golden blonde hair falls to either side of his face, framing it down to the chin, while his eyes are covered by transparent blue-lensed, silver-framed sunglasses. Glinting in the bright light of the studios is a title belt, resting on his shoulder. The stoic expression of Larry Tact stares back at us, standing with the TEAM FREE FOR ALL~! Championship in his possession.

LARRY TACT: "I'd like to take a few minutes to comment on the last SuperShow, that being SuperShow Six, and the match I took part in. A match that, honestly, I didn't expect to know all about until I experienced it... that match being, of course, the Free For All Championship Royale. However... that will have to wait for another time."

"You see, while I'm pleased with where I ended SuperShow Six... I've already sacrificed enough time on other matters than what lies ahead for me, this week-- that being the Dupree Cup. Through my silence, it seems I've unknowingly followed on the path of quite a few others, maybe concentrating a little too hard on the physical preparation. But if there are two things my team should already know-- and my opponents will soon find out-- it's these..."

"Larry Tact does not follow; he leads."

"And... silence does not mean neglect. I will step into the ring, this match, ready for nothing short of victory, and to make a statement as to the status of Team N.. E.. W."

"In fact, why not begin there, because quite frankly... it seems we've gone from Underdogs of 2006... to Underdog reigning Champions of 2006."

He runs a hand through his hair in thought a couple times, paused in consideration.

"I may not have taken part in active competition for Team NEW last year, but make no mistake that I appreciate what was achieved. HAL, Chaos, Mr. Entertainment, and MWG... they all knew their roles and played them out to perfection. They knew it didn't make one single difference whether they were known, or not... if they were viewed as 'superstars' or not. All that mattered was what they brought, and how they put it together. That's why this TEAM tournament truly speaks to the name of its host. And despite nobody seeing it coming, they plowed through to victory, claiming the inaugural Dupree Cup spoils."

"This year, only HAL returns, and suddenly we're pidgeonholed as some sort of underdogs again? It's like claiming LSU doesn't stand a chance of making the BCS again, this year, without JaMarcus Russell-- false! But then... how much stock can you put in what the media and oddsmakers say? Just look at last year's Dupree Cup..."

"Point being, while the names have changed, the threat has not disappeared. And this round, New ERA of Wrestling is going to make a statement with their matches. We have enough motivation going in as defending Champions, but now the fire has been stoked all the more. And I, for one, don't intend on relinquishing what was worked hard for to obtain."

His expression a bit calmer, more casual, he adjusts the FFA~! title with a shrug of the shoulder.

"And this week, I find myself in a situation somewhat comparable to last week. I'm in a match with unknown opposition-- at least, in terms of in-ring encounters-- and an unfamiliar partner. Not that we don't have our history, Shawn. We're no strangers to crossing paths and frequenting similar circles... wrestling circles, that is. I can't say I've taken that plunge into the dark beyond, and allowed myself to enter your... recreational circles. This match isn't likely to change that, either. However, in my eight-plus years at the professional level, I don't believe we've tag teamed together...."

He pauses suddenly, and clears his throat.

"That is... I don't believe I've been asked to partner in your tag teaming endeavors...."

He stops again, then shakes his head and waves a hand dismissively.

"You know what? **** it. This is going to be innuendo city no matter how tactfully even I try putting it. So I'll break it down like this... when we're around similar grounds, we spend more time smacking each other around than agreeing on anything. And to tag with you now, fresh off one of those encounters, at WrestleStock... well, it isn't exactly an easy transition. But given the unlikely circumstances that occurred in our match at WrestleStock... and the unlikely pairing we've found ourselves in this week... it almost seems fitting."

"And to go with it, an equally odd pair of opponents. Team NFW has served up the likes of Professor Tremendous... and Yori Yakamo, Jr. Now, I've never had the chance to face off against either of these two, but I've gotten in a bit of CSWA, MBE, and NFW events. And while I prefer HIDA~!...(momentarily flashes a thumbs up)... to Yori, myself... it'll be dildos and sex toys, this week."

"Which may account for Hart's silence, as well...."

Scratches his chin.

"... Yeah, I think that pretty much does account for it. And I'm not quite sure why MWG isn't here, now. But no matter! Because fortunately, this match is under standard rules. And that suits me fine, cuz this match will serve as something of a novelty for me."

"I've kept out of all the madness of the NFW, despite it's impressive roster and feats. That doesn't man I've turned a blind eye. I've kept tabs on some of the happenings there, including those in the rise of Yori..."

Pauses, then just shakes his head.

"But it's one thing to see it. I look forward to this match, not least of all because... I want to put to test what all the fuss is about."

"You can only learn so much about someone from watching from the outside. When you jump into the mix, it's quite another story. And there's a little extra something, too, when dealing with 'celebrated stars'... 'top dogs' of the circuit."

"Not to mention, taking on two of Team NFW, and putting them down for the three, wouldn't be too shabby a way of kicking off Team NEWs Championship defense."

He concedes a small grin.

"Conversely, I doubt they've got a clue about me, which seems to place me as the wild card of a match. But like I said at the start... it doesn't matter much whether someone's a 'superstar' or a nobody to the masses. All that matters is how you apply yourself, and fill the role, that your team requires of you."

"I've got plenty I could say about myself, where I've been, what I've done... but why bother? I don't need to take any of that into this match, and tell it to two people who honestly probably couldn't give two ****s. Just like I don't need to know the true origins of Roboyori, or some such tidbit."

"What matters is the bell ringing... creating an opportune chance to strike... three slaps of the mat... and one more ring of the bell. Blood, sweat, sex toys... they're all good show, I suppose, but in the end they're all just play-ins to what is coming. Even our match is only one piece of the bigger picture surrounding us... New ERA of Wrestling versus New Frontier Wrestling. And I'm ready and capable of taking point on this team, and making the loudest statement of all this week...."

"So Yori, Professor... you bring the antics and the routines. Bring the flashy show for everyone."

"We'll take home the victory."

Fade out.

08-15-07, 10:52 PM
FADE IN: Shawn Jessica Hart, PhD., his illegal migrant sidekick, Mr. Morales, and his pet burro, Jaime, are standing by at the food court.

HART: "Yes, I'd like a medium Julius Original."

STONER JULIOSO: "Yeah, OK... and umm.... fer yer friends?"


HART:"5 Piña Colada Juliuses and an order of chili cheese fries."

Suddenly Hart comes to a startling realization.

HART: "Is that right? The plural Juliuses? Or is it Juliusi?"

STONER JULIOSO: "Ummm, like... I'm not really sure, dude."

HART: "PSHHH!! You're the Julioso!! Is it Juliuses or Juliusi? Or mebbe some other name? Like a SCHOOL of fish. A SCHOOL of Julius.... ya know what I'm sayin'?"

The attendant is utterly perplexed.

STONER JULIOSO: "You're total will be uhhh... $13.08. It'll be ready in..... a few minutes."

The Phenom raises his fist triumphantly to the heavens.


CUT TO: Later that day. Morales is polishing off his cheese fries, Jaime is on Piña Colada numero cuatro, and the man of the hour is slowly picking at his classic Orange Julius.

HART: "Not since I discovered I was teaming with Larry Tact have I tasted such sweet, citrussy goodness. Ya hear what I'm hollerin'?"

MORALES: "Si. Si señor."

SJH takes a large gulp from his frosty beverage then looks into the hard cam.

HART: "Tact, you hit the nail right on the head. We've gone 'round and 'round this Nancy Pelosi-CRAZY industry together for years, but in all our travels... we've NEVER had the opportunity to join together as the one, single, united, glowing, mirrorball force of awesomeness and cheese we were DESTINED to become. Sure, much of that is due to our difference in opinion. The company we keep. The fact that I only find man on tranny sex to be quasi-experimental. But nonetheless, I've always liked the cut of your jib. You're a man's man. One of God's true soldiers. An Al Gore in a hopeless world where Karl Rove clones run amok."

JAIME: "*EEEEEEEEEE-haaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaawww...*"

HART: "Sho'nuff n(FCC)gga! Hit me with some skin!"

SJH extend his hand, which the donkey wipes his Julius-laden snout upon.

HART: "And so it has come to pass that the TACT-man, He's gonna kick yer ass, that's a FACT-man, takin' a bite out of jobbers like his name is PAC-MAN... and the greatest sensation to hit this great nation since Abraham Lincoln's Emancipation Proclamation, have joined forces against the Evil Leaper, Yori YACKKK-anal and Professor Horrendous in a bitter, brutal battle to the death!"

Morales is awe-struck.

MORALES: "¿Al muerto?"

HART: "Si."




Morales passes gas.

MORALES: "..."

JAIME: "..."

HART: "Yyyyyeah. So watch out, Yori. I'm comin' tah getcha!"