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View Full Version : The Wrestling Chronicle's WNW Report- 12/20/06



Yori Yakamo jr
07-06-07, 10:54 AM
The Wrestling Chronicle’s WNW Report for 12/20
Matt Burke, Reporting

We’re in South Carolineey this week for the dubya enn dubya. As we wheel towards MBE Evolution, there is a lot of fussin’ and feudin’ to be settled, so saddle up, lil’ doggie.

We got some of them fancy credits, crowd shots and flashing lights for y’all. Giddy up!

QH1

I promise not to do the whole show in a bad pastiche of a southern accent, but I think it is safe for me to make a few ‘wacky tobaccky’ references as the Inner Sextum conga lines down to ringside. But it’s an intense and focused conga line. I see we are going with theme costumes this week. Military uniforms. The Inner Sextum is at war! Mind you, the uniforms clearly wouldn’t pass the whole don’t ask, don’t tell thing. What with the cammo dildos protruding, and what not. Yori is on the stick and is calling out PbPro. He wants their blood spilled in the ring. Hopefully that is the only bodily fluids shed in this match. The SEXROBOT(?!) takes the stick from Yori. Oh boy.. He is as fired up as an anatomically correct sex robot can be. A STEAL ROBOYORI’S FRIENDS! ROBOYORI PENETR….ROBOYORI MEANS ROBOYORI SMASH!

A is out now with FF and company. FF says there is no way any of them are gonna step into the ring with a freaking sex robot. A wrestling sex robot, says Yori. Touche indeed. FF says they are more than willing to kick Yori and Justin’s ass all over this hick town, (BOOOOOOO!) but there is no way in hell they are wrestling the YORobot. Justin and Yori conference with the robot, and come to a decision. They say fine, just give them an hour to find a third partner, and they will bring it like it has never been brought in both a wrestling and a sexy way before. Promo is having none of that, though. He says he ain’t gonna be staying in South Carolina one more minute than he has to, and if they can’t find a partner right now, than they will have to wrestle a handicap match. Yori says fine, they will just have to go with plan S. I would gather that is for sexy. But Yori says it means surprise. ROBOYORI removes his robot head…..HOLY CRAP It’s Hida Yakamo!

FF and company go apoplectic. The Inner Sextum head up the ramp full bore, Hida still in the robot costume. A huge brawl breaks out as FF accosts the cameraman and says this match is officially being held under protest. ROBOHIDA tosses Promo off the ramp and onto the barricade and follows with a Somersault Dive. Justin and A exchange hambones on the apron while Yori assaults Ravage with one of his fine line of dildos. Justin and A tumble into the ring and the ref starts the match proper, sort of. Justin whips A off the ropes and gets him up in an airplane spin. After some added hip gyrations, he drops him in a gut buster. Ravage has been busted open now and Yori is just obliterating the big man with dildo shots. He finally breaks the no doubt fine Guatemalan craftsmanship into pieces, but he just starts carving up Ravage as the vampires in the crowd go crazy. Hida has finally gotten the robot costume off and is peppering Promo with about the loudest kicks I have ever heard. Promo goes low but comes up clutching his foot, as Hida apparently left the robotic codpiece in. Nice. He takes it out and smashes it over Promo’s head for good measure.

A ducks a skeetboard attempt from the True Face and just starts unrepentantly stomping down on the face of Justin. Straight up nasty. He tosses Justin from the ring and has a frank exchange of ideas with the ref as FF lays in the fine Emporio Armani leather to the Rated R Popstar. Hida doesn’t like that and goes after his old rival. FF pops his threads and says he is a manager now, lucky for Hida, of course, but that distraction allows Promo to crack Hida from behind with a chair. Then FF takes his shots. The ref promptly throws the whole match out, not that anyone seems to care.

NO CONTEST (5:28 of official mayhem)

Promo lays Justin over the guardrail as A hits a no hands diving guillotine legdrop on the True Face. Sick! They pick Justin up and destroy him with another chairshot. But heeeeeere’s Yori, and he has the BLACK THUNDER DILDO (10” http://www.a1wrestling.com/dc/images/wink.gif out now. Down goes Promo, down goes A. Superkick from FF! Yori drops like a pile of bricks as the crowd boos. FF quickly gathers his men up and they head for higher ground. They promise some sort of comeuppance at some future date as we head to commercial.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

QH2

Back from commercial and PbPro is beating a hasty retreat towards the parking garage. But they find their way blocked by the Gilkinator and the Thrillbillies. Oooooh. Andy says he wasn’t shocked that PbPro was running like yellow bellied suckers, but they ain’t gonna get out of town that quick. Promo says Andy is hardly man enough to do it, even with his hick back-up. Besides, he wouldn’t want to jeopardize his PPV thrashing by taking a shot at the real world champion off the clock. That’s not very good business. Andy says they aren’t here to kick their asses. Promo calls Andy a coward. Andy says we’ll see who the cowards are, because they’re just here to buy some time. Some time for what, Promo asks. We get our answer as Hida, Yori, and Justin come barreling back onto the scene. Oh, we’re not done yet. The brawl spills out into the concession area and Yori takes our next nutty bump of the night being speared by Ravage right into the popcorn machine. Ouchie! A and Hida are just leveling each other with kicks, and lord knows there is no love lost there.

Justin sets Promo for the after party through a craft service’s table, but FF cheapshots him and the two give a modified 3-D to the true face who ends up covered in the very elegant spread, and some wood splinters. The real ROBOYORI arrives on the scene now and his chest plate opens up. It contains the famed cricket bat. Oh dear. Hida just starts blindly swinging at anything that comes near him, absolutely cracking Ravage and A with shots from Yakamocito. Promo finally quells the Asian Wonder with a shot from a metal rod. Who just leaves those lying around? FINALLY, security and Yamada show up to try and break up the mess. FF crows about the cavalry showing up as soon as they start winning. He also wants everyone fired, but as Yamada points out, Yori owns the company, and Hida doesn’t even work here. FF wants Justin fired at least. Yamada says Yori made him like a senior V.P. of sexiness and accounting, possibly accounting of sexiness, or something like that. Anyway, there is way too much red tape involved to can him. FF wants his pound of flesh and Yamada says he’ll take away his V.P. parking space if that will make him feel better. FF says it’s a start. Well Yamada says **** YOU FREAKFISH, He’s not even doing that. FF may not know this, but Yamada doesn’t like him very much. All he is gonna do is stick Ravage and A in the ring with some very angry Thrillbillies at MBE Evolution. So there is another title shot where A can choke in the clutch, just like he did against Yamada. Yamada than translates that for A, who is not that happy. But really, I ask you, when is A ever happy? FF says that was a big mistake, cause in two weeks they will have the tag titles and will be one step closer to total domination of MBE.

Well that was twenty minutes of insanity. And no one does insanity quite like MBE.

We get a respite from the dildo-wielding chaos as Biff Bentley is standing by with PbPro Quintuple Crown Champion Irishred. Biff wants to know what Red thinks about being forced into a battle royale to defend his title. Red says he has overcome long odds before. No one thought he would get to the finals of the MBE cup. No one thought he would beat Ezeki for the title. Hell, no one thought he’d amount to anything in the wrestling world as just a good-looking red-headed ex-con. But here he is, holding five of the most prestigious belts in the sport. And whether he has to go through one man or one hundred. It’s not gonna be that easy to get them off his waist, and his shoulder, and his other shoulder, and his abs, and his left leg. Besides, it’s not like he has to pin any of these chuckleheads, just toss them out of his ring. He had to do that at his bar for years, and he’s gotten pretty damn good at it. Biff wants to know if he is worried about PbPro bringing in any hired guns to get the title off him. Red says he wasn’t until now, way to go Biffy. But that doesn’t scare him. He’s faced the biggest and baddest the sport has to offer, the world over, whether they are named Dan Ryan, Mr. Amazing or Mitsubishi whatever, they will all end up on the ground looking up at the PbPro Quintuple Crown Champion, Irishred. And there is nothing PbPro can do about it.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

A video package airs hyping Jogi Fresh’s return to the ring in Biloxi next week. Good to know they haven’t forgotten about him.

Some PPV hype is up next, focusing on the Andy/Promo blood feud.

QH3

Back to ringside now, as Cool Frank Cutta freestyles his way down to ringside. That’s right folks, it’s time for the MBE well-worn tradition of wacky mismatched tag team partners. An oldie but a goodie, to be sure. Duchess is out next and she looks positively stoked to finally be stepping in the ring with Doc Silver. Or maybe she just overdid the botox this week. I await your angry e-mails now. Jock McCrunk is out now and he is making his triumphant return. CFC doesn’t waste any time, barreling out of the ring with a no hands dive onto the Crunkmeister. Very nice. Vinman gets to sit idly by and twiddle his thumbs some more. Truly he has the cushiest job in wrestling. Doc’s music plays and the champion struts out to ringside. He doesn’t seem to be in any big hurry to help his partner, instead basking in the virulent boos of the crowd. He tiptoes by CFC who is raining down shots on Jock. He shines his belt up and leaves it with the timekeeper with expressed orders to take very good care of it. And….turns around to eat a right hand from Duchess. Eyes on the prize, Doc, come on now.

Duchess whips Doc into the ring steps and follows with a short dropkick. She rolls the world champ into the ring as the ref finally separates CFC and Jock and the bell rings to start the match. Duchess is stomping Doc from pillar to post as Doc asks for a timeout. Then slips an eye poke in there. Good ol’ Doc. Duchess fires right back, though. Not very lady like. Duchess follows with a dropkick to Doc’s knee and Doc falls to the mat. In comes CFC and you know he wants a piece of Doc. Right hand, right hand. Irish whip and a leg lariat knocks Doc to the canvas. Doc rolls out of the ring and starts heading for the ramp. Doc has had enough. Duchess isn’t letting him get off that easily though and she dives off the apron. Doc was playing possum! He catches Duchess coming down with a Euro uppercut. Sick landing for Duch there. CFC protests and Jock jumps him from behind and posts him. Doc seems okay to continue now, and he works over CFC’s shoulder with a shoulder breaker and a keylock. Appearing tonight in the role of Ricky Morton, Mr. Frank Cutta. Doc tags out to Jock who continues to work over poor Frank. Jock with a nice dropkick there to cut off CFC’s comeback.

Well, all good things must come to an end, as a Jock/Doc double team goes array. You’d think with rhyming names they could get on the same page. HOT TAG DUCHESS! Clothesline for Jock! Clothesline for Doc! Jock stumbles into a huricanrana, Duchess hooks a leg for the pin, but Doc breaks things up. They try another double team on the first lady of MBE, but Duchess ducks a double clothesline and catches eat with one foot on a rebound dropkick. CFC pulls down the bottom rope and Jock falls over the top. Doc skins the cat back in, but eats an enzigiri from CFC on the apron. Small package Duchess! COUNTOOOOOOOH THREEEEEEEE!

WINNER: CFC/DUCHESS (9:44 Duchess-> Doc: Small Package)

Doc is not pleased and he accosts the referee as Duchess and CFC gloat. Duchess makes the universal symbol for I’m coming for your belt as Jock makes his way groggily onto the apron. And Doc knocks him back down. He and Dority are on Jock in a flash, kicking the **** out of him. Dority hotshots Jock and Doc throws him into the ringsteps before the ref finally forces them off. Doc grabs his belt and leaves in a huff.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

QH4

We’re back and the Inner Sextum is hanging out in Yamada’s office. Yamada looks less than thrilled at the game of naked pin the dildo on the Thai Hooker. Yamada says Yori needs to get his office back, bad. Yori says he is up for suggestions, as it is getting kind of cramped an unsexy in here. Mostly cause Hida and Yamada just stand there scowling. Yori wants to know why his brother is trying to horn in on his enterprise. That is just like Hida, trying to glom onto his brother’s success. Hida says he has a lot of time on his hands now, wink wink, and he’s not the type to sit around and play golf. He doesn’t even know how to golf. And it’s not like he can find a good pick-up cricket game in Vancouver. Besides, if FF can come back to MBE looking like a mid-level accountant who needs to hit the racquetball court a little more, the bar is pretty low in MBE for the legends circuit, ouchie. Of course, everyone is gonna want to see FF/Hida now, but whatever. Hida wants to know where Justin is, and Yori says he is out preparing for the PbPro Quintuple Crown Battle Royale. Great, Hida says, there’s another title of his that will be devalued. Good to have you back, Asian Wonder. Yori says he should stop moping and join in the fun. Hida says he will have to be a lot drunker before he steps one foot closer to any of Yori’s prostitutes. Yori says fine and declares a PUB CRAWL! And the crew storm out, Hida being thrown over the shoulder of the YORobot against his will. Hijinks ensue, no doubt.

Now we come upon some very sketchy looking ‘ladies’ standing outside Jimmy Donovan’s dressing room. MBE just ups the classy meter every week. It’s like the least ludicrous NFW possible. Jimmy comes upon the scene and immediately goes into what I can only assume is ‘sweet talk the hookers’ mode. They offer him the night of his life if he comes back to their hotel room, I think they may be overselling their wares just a bit there. I might buy into “a night of meager and awkward sexual liaisons where you end up smelling like stale parliaments and Jim Beam afterwards.” Anywhoo, Jimmy is about to grab his coat before Jake arrives and slaps a little sense into the Cowboy. He drags Jimmy off towards ringside as Jimmy tells the ladies to call him. Jake tells Jimmy to remember the plan, whatever that means. Probably something about a plan.

The International Icons are walking! Tumultuous Tag Team Turmoil Tonight!

COMMERCIAL BREAK

We’re back, and here come our newly named International Icons. MBE now has four legitimate tag teams, which has to be some sort of record for the organization. I like these so-called Icons, and I predict big things. Probably because there are only four teams in the division. The almost Thrillbillies emerge to a very warm home state welcome in Greensboro. It doesn’t hurt that Jake comes out in a South Carolina state flag. No siree. Uh-oh, Jimmy lolls out behind with a jug of helpfully marked ‘moonshine’ in tow. Obviously, then plan involved getting Jimmy soused so he could make it through a night with those really skeevy ladies of the night. Come on man, I’m sure Yori can hook you up with far more skilled and marginally less diseased women.

QH5

Jake tries to hold open the ropes for Jimmy, but the Cowboy slumps down against the rampway and refuses to enter the ring. Obviously he is morose over losing out on a night of icky, icky penetration. The match starts without poor Jimmy and Jake is on the bad end of an II double team to start. Jake fares slightly better as he ducks a charge from Fuse and dumps him out onto the apron and then catches Ace coming in with a spear. Fuse goes after Jimmy, but JIMMY HOOKER UP and conks Fuse with the jar of moonshine. Too bad senior referee Lance Thunder is so near-sighted. Jimmy was faking all along. Perhaps the cartoony ‘XXX’ on the moonshine jug should have been a tip-off. Score one for the MBE prop department, I guess. Jimmy is into the ring, and the tide quickly turns in the hillbillies, check that, thrillbillies favor. A double team DDT lays Mason down, but only for two. Jimmy takes over and lets loose with a flip flop and fly. Personally, I wouldn’t want Jimmy’s fists anywhere near me after he grabs his genitals. A big senton flattens Ace, but only keeps him on the mat for a two count. The Ace of Blades is quite the tough bastard.

Jimmy tries to finish things quickly with MORE COWBELL, but perhaps he should have started with just regular cowbell, as Ace ducks and catches him with a pendulum backbreaker. Jake blind tags of an Irish whip, though, and nails Ace with a springboard missile dropkick after Ace delivers an inverted atomic drop to Jimmy. Jake tries to follow with the Cutter from Fort Sumter, but Fuse is back up and pissed. He catches Jake on the top rope and crotches him before steamrolling Jimmy with a spear into the turnbuckle. Mason tries to follow up with a spike piledriver, but Jake backdrops out of it and moves to save his partner, but Fuse catches him in mid-air and brings the spinebuster hurting. He follows with a big knee drop and covers, but Jimmy breaks it up with an elbow drop, The Ace of Blades catches Jimmy with a bulldog, though, and dumps the Cowboy over the top rope, before following with a very nice looking plancha. That leaves Fusenshoff to go for the Domination, but Jake slips out and lands on his feet behind the big man. He hits the ropes and hits The Cutter from Fort Sumter out of nowhere! Swanky! Ace tries to make the save, but dives back into the ring a second too late. The (almost) Billies eek out a victory!

WINNER: DONOVAN/MCCODY (8:12 Jake->Fuse: Cutter from Fort Sumter)

Jake celebrates in the ring, but doesn’t see the Promonator emerge from the back and charge down to ringside with that lead pipe. Whack, down goes the Billie. Promo raises it for some more hurtin’, but COWBOY is on the scene. He spears Promo down and starts beating the crap out of the Underground Icon. Promo finally kicks himself free and heads for higher ground. Jimmy just made a big mistake, apparently.

Biff Bentley is here, with YOUR MBE Evolution control center. On the docket so far Doc/Duchess for the Big Gold Belt, The Billies versus Ravage/A for the Tag Titles, and a Steel Cage grudge match to end all grudge matches as The Gilkinator takes on Promo. That is a very nice top three, I must say. But the real question is, WHERE IS THE LOT?
He promises some top secret information he can only reveal on the MBE HOTLINE. Awesome. They do know the Internet exists now, right? I may have to call up this hotline, though. Only 99 cents a minute, and I am sure late night they have Thai Hookers standing by, if you are into that sort of thing.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

QH6

Oh sweet, we get an Ace Mason spot for the Battle Royale in front of one of those cheesy WWF green screens that says ACE MASON in some ludicrous silver font.. Nice, it’s a montage. It’s The Idiot Fan! It’s the Behemoths! They are coming for your belt Irishred! There are no friends. It is every man for himself. What, no Doc spot? I figured he’d try to horn in and get a completely undeserved title shot and low bridge Red at the same time. I guess even he has his limits, must be slipping in his old age.

Vinman finally does some work this evening and announces that it is time for the PbPro Quintuple Crown Battle Royale. Till goes over the rules. Two men start and every two minutes another man enters. Ten men in all have entered, in the order of the numbers they picked in a…AHEM…completely and utterly unbiased drawing backstage. Vinman announces the arrival of our first competitor, and it’s Irishred! Shocking, really. PbPro is fair and balanced! Red comes out with all five titles, looking about ready to kick someone’s dog. He sloughs the belts off at ringside and limbers up in the ring, ready for some fresh meat to wander into his path. Who is our unlucky number two.

WHOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! The Price is Right music hits and the camera swings around looking for The Idiot Fan. Here he comes out of Section 103. He looks ready to go. He dives under the bottom ring rope and struts around the ring as Irishred bursts out laughing. The smile goes away quick though, as the bell rings and Red starts mercilessly hammering the poor bastard. Irish whip (WHOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!) and the idiot fan eats a samoan drop followed by a guillotine leg drop. Red is a lean mean, fighting machine, tonight. The IDIOT FAN IS POWERING UP!!!! Nevermind, he just got kicked in the nuts. Obviously his powering up does nothing to protect his testicles and make them impervious to pain. Red locks the Fan into the Freebird as IF taps like crazy. The big countdown clock starts counting down and we are about to have our third entrant into the Battle Royale…..

And it’s the youngest Yakamo, Ryuji Yakamo. He is here to take back what is rightfully PbPro’s, says Dr. P, and maybe work his way back into the good graces of his boss who he accidentally defeated at Total Elimination. “It was supposed to be an exhibition, an exhibition.” You can throw pretty much any Yakamo at Red and he will get fired up evidently, as he and Ryuji start pounding the piss out of each other in the center of the ring. Ryuji takes a temporary advantage with a nice series or spinning back kicks, but Red ducks the last one and lands a sickening headbutt right to the bridge of Ryuji’s nose. Sick sick sick. Red adds some boot scrapes for good measure, but finds the Idiot Fan grafted to his back as he sinks the hooks in for a “sleeper.” Red plays along and starts to fall asleep. He raises his hand up once, drops it. A second time, drops it. A third time….no…..RED IS POWERING UP. He runs over to the top rope and dumps Idiot Fan out over his shoulder. Oh well, it was fun while it lasted. However, Ryuji is not amused, and delivers the Yakamo no Knee to the champ. He adds a springboard double stomp, showing he too, can bring the nasty. The countdown clock hits again…..

And it’s the Ace of Blades back for more. As he runs down to ringside, Till promises we will be right back after this commercial break.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

QH7

As we come back, Ryuji and Ace are choking Red in the corner, as the countdown clock ushers in our fifth competitor. Your True Face, Justin Evitable! The cavalry is here, as Justin bails out Red with Euro uppercuts for all. Irish whip reversed by Ryuji, but Justin springboards off the ring ropes and back flips into a super smooth reversed DDT. Quite swanky, indeed. Ace drops Justin with a lariat, but Red catches the Ace of Blade with a fireman’s carry slam. Justin and Red form a temporary alliance and hit a double team wheelbarrow facebuster/DDT on Ace. SYNERGY~! That doesn’t last too long as Red jumps Justin from behind and whips him into the turnbuckle. Justin dodges the charge though and hits the ropes before delivering a lariat to Red. Ryuji catches Justin with a Blue Thunder Bomb and tries to dump him. Ace joins the effort, but Justin clutches onto the top rope for dear life. Here comes number six…

It’s the very beefy Mastodon Monroe. Oh boy, I wouldn’t envy having to get him over the top rope. Mastodon chugs, well, as much as he ever chugs, down to ringside. Everyone stops as he steps over the top rope and immediately dogpile on the behemoth. All four of them lift with all their might and promptly deposit him back on the rampway. Oh well. They all seem to be feeling the effect of the heavy lifting as Ryuji and Red are both clutching at their backs. Back to less organized mayhem as Ryuji delivers a sweet scissors kick to Justin and sets the True face up for his trademark Supernova Bomb (Modified F-5). Justin counters it in midair to a DDT. He truly has a DDT for all occasions. Ryuji is a bit loopy and he walks right into belly to belly suplex from Red. Red and Ace dump Ryuji and turn their attention to each other. Red almost gets tossed but lands on the ring apron. Ace tries to knock him off, but Red drives a shoulder into his gut, and sunset flips in. Ace rolls through and ends up in a belly to back suplex from Justin. Who is lucky number seven…

ROBOYORI! Well, he will be tough to get over the top rope. Man, I could only imagine what would happen were ROBOYORI to get his hands on such a prestigious title. The robot dances down to ringside and stops to kiss some ladies. Very nice. Then he offers to penetrate them, less nice. A redneck boyfriend gets a little uppity and practically breaks his hand on ROBOYORI’s skull, that’s a lawsuit waiting to happen right there. Finally the robot makes it into the ring and declares a dance contest. He busts a move, but when he tries to do the running man, he eats a total elimination from Ace and Red. ROBOYORI DOWN! He tries to hip thrust his way back to his feet, but it looks like the Thai Hooker design team needs to go back to the drawing board again. No idea how they are gonna get that hunk of bolts over the top rope, though. Justin fights for the honor of his fallen robotic friend, dropping Ace with a Spicoli Bomb, before Red rocks the True Face with an elbow shot and follows up with a flapjack right on the robot. Ouch. Justin is clutching his ribs with good reason. Now for number eight…

Cool Frank Cutta is on the scene and he busts a mad phat rhyme, but does he have the flow to be the champ from PbPro. Okay, I promise to never do that again. Frank enters with quite a bit of panache. He spacemans onto the top rope and catches Red with a diving rana. The focus is on the champ now, as Ace and CFC pound Red in the corner. They try to get him over the top, but Red is fighting tooth and nail. Literally, as he is using his teeth and nails quite liberally. A pair of incisors to the forehead of CFC frees him finally and Red almost dumps the Cutta over the top, but CFC swings himself under the bottom rope and through Red’s legs before rolling back into a Boston Crab. I have no idea how he did that, but there ya go. It looked nice. Ace steps on Red’s neck (!) to add the pressure. Ouchie. WAIT A MINUTE! The Robot just deployed some sort of giant phallus and it is erecting him to his feet again. Man, that must be that must be the biggest dick in wrestling right there. Well, the second biggest dick in wrestling. The YORobot steamrolls Ace and CFC and then pauses to do the electric slide up and down their backs. Red slowly makes it to his feet in the corner as we countdown for number nine….

And it’s…Mr. Outstanding? Oh boy, haven’t seen him in ages. I have a feeling this bodes badly for Red. He runs down to ringside, outstandingly of course, before hopping over the top rope and assaulting Red. Hey, he just produced a taser from his boot. He’s shocking the **** out of Red. Justin goes to help but gets stunned himself. The YORobot tries to help but the taser must screw with his wiring as he does the running man super fast and ends up bolting over the top rope and out of the ring, where he promptly lands on his back on the ramp and starts shooting sparks as the Thai Hookers rush out with their handtruck to get him back to the lab. Mr. O! unmasks as Freakfish, again. Not quite the same shock this time…no, no, I think that’s disgust. He puts Red on his shoulders and dumps him over the top before following and eliminating himself. What a piece of ****. Ace and CFC go right after Justin. But hey, with these belts on the line, who wouldn’t? We head out to one more commercial as Till gets all indignant and Dr. P gets all giddy.

COMMERCIAL BREAK

QH8

We’re back and down to our final four, number ten was Ezeki the Sumo, shock of shocks, and a replay package shows him just decimating his beleaguered competition. A huge avalanche splash in the corner for CFC. What a fraud. He stacks CFC on top of Justin and prepares to splash the two of them into a sumo sandwich. NO! Ace stops the mountain of man with an axe bomber. Another knocks Ezeki up against the ropes. Ace charges, but he gets dumped. NO! he lands on the apron. Ezeki pays no mind and continues with his splash. CFC rolls out of the way, but Justin gets squished. Squished and squashed. CFC rolls under the bottom rope and comes back with a chair. Totally legal my man.
Ace, meanwhile is back in the ring and tries to chop Ezeki down with some chops, but the sumo does little more than jiggle and Ezeki fires back with a throat thrust and some Mongolian chops. CFC tosses him a chair, which the sumo catches, bad idea, as Ace kicks it into his dome. Ezeki goes down like a sack of bricks, the chair laying on his head. How portentious. CFC is up top SOMERSAULT LEG DROP. He just cracked his leg on that chair. Ezeki is out. CFC is a nutjob. Ace wastes no time going after CFC’s leg with kicks. The Cutta can barely get back to his feet. Ace slides out of the ring and grabs Cutta’s legs, pulling them around the ring post. He wraps them up in a ring post figure four and CFC is in a world of pain. He can tap, but there is no escape.

Ezeki is slowly up to his feet. He pulls himself up by the ropes and checks his forehead. Yeah, you are bleeding there, champ. You should be paying attention to Justin Evitable. SPRINGBOARD SKEETBOARD! Ezeki tumbles out over the top rope as Justin falls into a heap. I can only imagine the internal injuries he must have. He walks over to the defenseless CFC. He heads up top, but Ace sees an opportunity and gives up the hold to try and dump Justin. The True Face wraps himself around the top rope for dear life CFC tries to help to, but Ace sucker punches him. He has CFC up for a suplex….and over. CFC is out!

Down to Ace and Justin now. Ace rolls under the bottom rope and pulls Justin off the top rope into the ring. He goes right for the Icing Gavones, but Justin pulls Ace’s legs out from under him. Wheelbarrow suplex! Huge counter from Justin, but he can’t follow up. Ace is up first and delivers a snap suplex. Man, the ring just shook with that impact. He whips Justin off the ropes, backdrop attempt, but Justin flips through and lands on his feet. Nice balance from the True Face. He doesn’t even hesitate landing a bicycle kick right on the dome of Ace has he turns around. Asian Wonder like timing on that strike.

Justin has Ace up for the After Party….no he’s just gonna try and dump him. Ace escape! He’s behind Justin. He tries to throw Justin over the top. Justin twists around and out. VMA! Ace is down! Justin has him up. Ace is out! Justin FREAKING Evitable is your new PbPro Quintuple Crown Champion. God helps us all.

WINNER (and new PbPro Quintuple Crown Champion): JUSTIN EVITABLE (29:21)

Justin celebrates like crazy with the five belts as PbPro emerges from the back, a stern look on their face. Though it is tough to take FF looking stern in that costume I have to admit. They get shoved aside though as the Inner Sextum rushes down to ringside to celebrate, man, PbPro just can’t get a break tonight. Well, except for screwing Red over. But everyone screws Red over. That should hardly be the metric of an effective badass. Justin is going to Disneyworld apparently. Mothers, watch your teenage daughters extra close this weekend. Dr. P bemoans the fate of the title as we fade to black.

THE WRAP-UP

Not so much for the wrestling this week. Except the Battle Royale, but that’s a Battle Royale, and it is what it is. Big win for Justin, who certainly deserves it, but I have to imagine someone will step in and give Red a rematch, cause he got screwed hard. Otherwise, everything moves pleasantly apace, though I wish we could see some more hype for the actual main event for Evolution, seems to be a bit of an afterthought so far. Especially now that Duchess has pinned the champ twice. Hida coming back is nice, but I worry about this becoming the Hida and FF show. With their charisma that is kind of dangerous. No Andy this week was kind of odd, but I can only guess he will figure prominently next week in Biloxi.

REWIND AWARDS

MATCH OF THE NIGHT: Doc/Jock v. Duchess/CFC
SPOT OF THE NIGHT: Hida’s robot suit somersault dive
LINE OF THE NIGHT: “This may be news to you Freakfish, but I don’t like you very much. You might even say, I hate your ugly (bleep)ing face. I wouldn’t say that, because I am a respectful Japanese businessman”- The Great Yamada

http://www.mbewrestling.com/fwi/mbe88x31.jpg (http://mbewrestling.com/)