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Yori Yakamo jr
07-06-07, 10:01 AM
A video package airs, set to “Glory is Yours, Vengeance is Mine”, recapping the AJ/Andy feud, it ends with a split screen of AJ and Andy’s bloody bodies from weeks one and four.

Lights. Pyro. MBE Theme. It’s Show time!

TILL: Ladies and Gentleman, welcome to MBE Awakenings, live from the sold out Hartford Convention Center in Hartford, CT. It’s MBE’s triumphant return to PPV and we have seven blockbuster matches for you tonight, including a main event four years in the making. I’m Tillrules and along with my broadcast partner Dr. Phantasmo I will be bringing you all the action tonight. How is it going Doctor?

DR.P: Well, I finally get to get a word in edgewise, how magnanimous of you, Mr. Rules. I think we can expect nothing but excellence as long as I am even tacitly involved.

TILL: Humble as always, good doctor. Let’s kick it up to ring announcer Vincent “Vinman” Taylor for our first contest.


MATCH ONE- THE WEB BROWSER V. JOCK MCCRUNK

VINMAN: The following contest is set for one fall with a fifteen minute time limit.

“Scotland the Brave” plays over the PA system and Jock McCrunk emerges from the back in kilt, bling and with pimp cane. The crowd seems pretty into him.

VINMAN: Introducing first, from the Glasgow Ghettos, weighing in at two hundred and thirty pounds, JOCK MCCRUNK!

TILL: We’ve seen Jock so far as part of Jogi Fresh’s posse, but he makes his in-ring debut here at MBE Awakenings. Quite the stage for his first MBE match.

DR. P: Well, I may dislike Jogi Fresh and all his associates, but I have to give any man respect who is secure enough in his masculinity to wear a skirt.

TILL: That’s a kilt, Dr. P. The traditional garb of the Scottish male.

DR. P: I don’t care what you say, Till, that’s a skirt.

The music changes to “All About the Pentiums” as Jock limbers up in the ring and starts removing his layers of chains.

VINMAN: And his opponent, from Seattle, Washington.: he weighs in at two hundred and forty-five pounds. THE WEB BROWSER!

TILL: Another man making his MBE debut tonight. Not much is known about The Web Browser, hopefully he is as good in the ring as he is with HTML.
DR. P: Perhaps you should leave the witty remarks to me, Till, as your feeble brain seems somehow inadequate for the task.

TILL: It’s a pleasure working with you, too, Doc.

The bell rings and the two men circle each other cautiously. Collar and elbow tie-up and Browser overpowers the smaller McCrunk and backs him into the turnbuckle. The ref administers a five count, which seems to confuse Browser, because at three he breaks the hold and celebrates like he won the match.

TILL: Browser seems to have a limited grasp of the rules of wrestling. Not that seems unusual in MBE.

McCrunk hits a running elbow strike out of the corner and knocks the pudgy IT man to the mat. A showboating legdrop follows and Jock covers.

1…

Browser kicks out.

TILL: Well, at least he knows how to kick out of a pin.

DR. P: Not that I would ever question the wisdom of our fearless leader Yoshihiro Yamada, but where did he find this guy?

McCrunk follows with a backbreaker and slaps on a Muta lock, stretching the back of the Browser out further. The ref calls for a break, though, as Jock begins to stretch and contort McCrunk’s face and jaw.

TILL: Jock trying to inflict maximum pain there.

DR. P: A man after my own heart.

Jock lifts the larger Browser up for a shoulder breaker, but Browser wriggles free and lands behind McCrunk where he delivers a competent looking belly to back suplex. Browser is up first and drops some elbows across the knee of Jock, on the last one he scissors the knee and starts to stretch the ligaments.

TILL: Browser smartly attacking one of the points of balance.

Jock frees himself with some elbows to the back of the Browser’s head. Browser’s irish whip is reversed, but Jock sets himself too early and Browser catches the Scotsman in a DDT. He covers.

1…

2…

Jock kicks out.

TILL: Jock almost got caught napping there.

Browser goes back to work on the knee, laying it over the bottom rope and landing a hip drop. He goes for a second one, but Jock spins out of the way and rolls up the surprised Browser

1…

2…

Browser kicks out.

Browser is up first and looks for another DDT, but Jock twists out and hits a roaring elbow, felling the computer expert. Jock takes a moment to shake out his hurting leg before resuming his assault with a series of vicious looking headbutts. Browser tries to find cover, but gets caught in a northern lights suplex with a nice looking bridge.

1…

2…

Browser kicks out.

Jock rolls through into a mount position and starts raining down punches on Browser. Browser covers up as best he can and actually manages to sweep the smaller Jock and ends up in his guard.

TILL: Jock probably wasn’t expecting any MMA knowledge from the Browser.

DR. P: Obviously The Browser has been illegally downloading Pride matches off the internet. For shame!

Jock tries for an armbar, but Browser flings him into the turnbuckles to force a break. Web Browser measures Jock for his picture perfect dropkick, but finds nothing but air.

TILL: That was surprisingly nice looking.

DR. P: Assuming it has actually landed.

TILL: Let’s take babysteps for the Browser.

Jock is up and snaps the Browser over his head and down to the mat with a Fisherman’s suplex.

1…

2…

Browser kicks out

Jock hypes the fans up, as he waits for the Browser to get back to his feet. Jock fires off a pimp slap, followed by a kick to the gut and then his signature PIMP SMACK!

TILL: Pimp Smack! That has got to be it.

DR. P: All those years in law school finally paying dividends, eh Till?

Jock covers.

1…

2…

3!

WINNER: Jock McCrunk

TILL: An impressive debut for Jock McCrunk.

DR. P: And the Web Browser will live to fight another day, so it’s a win-win. Or a win-lose. Whatever.

TILL: Truly, you are a scholar, Doc.

MATCH TWO: ‘El TERRIBLE II’ SERGIO PEDROZA v. ‘COWBOY’ JIMMY DONOVAN

"The Beast and the Harlot" begins playing as Jimmy Donovan appears from the entrance, wearing his usual attire consisting of black speedo tights and a cowboy hat.

TILL: Our next match is about to be underway as Jimmy Donovan is making his way into the ring. He will be taking on the son of spanish wrestling legend Diego "El Terrible" Pedroza, Sergio Pedroza.

Dr. P: Oh I can't wait to see this, Till, this is a lifelong feud between these two.

TILL: What?

Dr. P: Don't you remember the Spanish/American war, Till? Surely you haven't forgotten your own history, it's a regular Cowboys and Indians matchup...except the Indian is actualy a mariachi, or a bullfighter.

TILL: Oh stop it

Jimmy Donovan enters the ring, removes his cowboy hat and tosses it to the ring crew and warms up a little as "Cancion de Mariachi" hits, the crowd reacts a bit to him both negatively and positively, he makes his overly dramatic appearance from the back and takes his time getting to the ring, playing to the crowd a bit getting their mixed reactions

Dr. P: Esto estará en el igual tremendo

TILL: When did you learn spanish?

Dr. P: I studied abroad, too bad thats the only phrase she tought me

TILL: Oh lord, well, all ready I can tell that anything can happen tonight here at MBE's first Pay Per View since the rebirth

Dr. P: I wouldn't be surprised if an asian prostitute came out of nowhere and started beating on the referee

Sergio Pedroza jumps up to the apron, grabs the ropes and sommersaults over the top rope into a quick pose as Jimmy Donovan stands just opposite of him, hands on hips staring at him, Sergio gets up from his pose as the ref calls for the bell to begin the matchup.

TILL: And our match is underway

Sergio and Jimmy Donovan begin circling each other, sizing each other up, quickly going into a tieup, Jimmy is the first to act putting Sergio Pedroza into a headlock, Sergio quickly counters his headlock with a wristlock, Jimmy isn't having any of it and manages to counter into his own wristlock, Sergio grabs for his arm trying to get out, manages a forward roll, kips up and reverses the hold into a hammerlock, standing switch by Jimmy Donovan into a hammerlock of his own, Sergio tries to grab the hair of Jimmy Donovan, can't seem to find it, reaches between his legs and grabs Jimmy Donovan's leg, yanks him to the mat and quickly applies a spinning leglock on him, manages to keep the hold for a few moments but Jimmy Donovan is quick to the ropes to break the hold, both men quickly get to a standing position as the fans quickly show their appreciation.

TILL: Beautifuly executed technical wrestling, this is looking to be an exciting match so far

Dr. P: You know, I've been thinking, if Yori Yakamo has a Thai Hooker Marching Band, Sergio Pedroza should have a Señorita Mariachi Band

TILL: Can you focus on the match at hand please?

Sergio and Jimmy Donovan size each other up again and go back into a tie up, Sergio gains the upper hand and applies a headlock on Jimmy Donovan, Jimmy is quick to release the hold, whips Sergio Pedroza to the far ropes, Jimmy ducks down looking for a back body drop but instead, Sergio Pedroza goes back to back with Jimmy Donovan, flips over him, Jimmy Donovan spins around and is cought with a quick dropkick to the face as Jimmy quickly rolls to the outside to gain his composure. Sergio isnt letting up as he quickly runs over to the far ropes to gain momentum, jumps up to the top rope and suicide swan dives into Jimmy Donovan, both landing on the mat to the outside. The fans show their appreciation, chanting "El Terrible! El Terrible!"

TILL: This match has taken to the air folks! Serious suicide dive by El Terrible Segundo! I don't know how smart that was this early in the match cause that could have done as much damage to Sergio Pedroza as it did to Jimmy Donovan.

Dr. P: Oh come on now, he is the Cadillac of Wrestlers, it'll take alot more than just a suicide dive to dent his quarterpanel

They both manage to make it to their feet and are now beginning to trade lefts and rights, left from Jimmy Donovan, right from El Terrible, right from Jimmy Donovan, right from Sergio Pedroza blocked, Jimmy Donovan grabs Sergio's arm and whips him into the steel steps hard as he crashes shoulder first into them. Jimmy turns the tide as he picks up Sergio Pedroza and throws him back into the ring, Jimmy is quick to follow and quickly administers a leg drop on Sergio's throat, Sergio gasps for air as Jimmy puts a couple boots into him before dragging him back up to his feet. Jimmy grabs Sergio's arm and begins to irish whip him, instead turning it into a disgusting shortarm clothesline that takes Sergio off his feet, doing a sommersault before landing on his back.

TILL: Oh my! Jimmy Donovan just took Sergio Pedroza's head off! This could be a quick end to Sergio's night, he's going for the cover!

1...

2...

KICK OUT!

Sergio kicks out, Jimmy seems a bit displeased that his night isn't over and drops a knee on Sergio's forehead before dragging him up by the hair, spins Sergio around, grabs him into a waistlock and delivers a massive german suplex that sends Sergio rolling backwards and onto his back, Jimmy administers another legdrop to the back of Sergio's neck before going for another pin attempt.

1...

2...

KICK OUT!

TILL: Another 2 and a half count for Jimmy Donovan, Sergio is not going to make this easy for Jimmy at all.

Dr. P: I told you, a rematch from the Spanish/American war, every Texas Militiaman's wet dream is coming true tonight.

TILL: I wouldn't count Sergio out yet

Dr. P: I would, I think Jimmy Donovan is President Bush's enforcement of the anti-immigration policy

Jimmy is getting a bit upset now that Sergio is not staying down, drags Sergio up again one more time and readies him for a bulldog, gets a running start but Sergio quickly pushes him to the far ropes and jumps up, catching Jimmy Donovan into a Hurricanrana, Sergio is quick to showboat the hurricanrana after performing the move so suddenly on Jimmy.

TILL: That's just not smar, he should be capitalizing after taking a few whacks, Jimmy surely hasn't taken enough of a beating yet.

Dr. P: Yeah, but it looks good.

Jimmy is up relativley quickly and crawls over to Sergio who is finishing his pose, turns around and catches a shoulder from Jimmy Donovan into the abdomen, Jimmy wraps his arms around his waist and hoists him up over his shoulder, Jimmy has him Stomach to Shoulder now, jumps up, spins him around on his back and hits a nasty sitout backbreaker on his shoulder, a resounding "Ohhhhh!" can be heard from the crowd.

TILL: Oh my lord! I think he just parylyzed Sergio Pedroza with that move!

Dr. P: I am officialy calling that move the Brokeback Breaker, I want all royalties for any mention of it.

Jimmy rolls on top of Sergio for the cover.

1...

2...

thr...NO! KICK OUT!

Sergio manages to get a shoulder up but at Jimmy's dismay as he was sure that move would end his night, Jimmy slams his fist into the mat, gets up, rolls Sergio onto his stomach and drives knees into his back, one after the other looking to take advantage of that move. Jimmy grabs Sergio up by his hair, whips him hard into the far turnbuckle and sets himself up for the rough missionary, launches himself at Sergio Pedroza, jumps up into the air but Sergio ducks underneath, spins around and manages to catch both feet at the same time, Jimmy is now stuck with his body parallel to the ground, hands holding onto the turnbuckle, bewildered look on his face.

TILL: This does not look good for Jimmy, Sergio managed to reverse the Rough Missionary, what does he have planned for him.

Dr. P: Perhaps a Ferocious Fellatio?

TILL: A what?

Dr. P: Hey, I'm on a roll using my creative genious to give these names some flair, someone has to do the dirty work around here.

TILL: right...

Just then, Sergio pulls Jimmy Donovan off the ropes and hits a standing dropkick to Jimmy's face as his bodyweight brings him down. The fans give out another "Oooo!" for that maneuver.

TILL: Oh my lord he just took his head off!

Sergio manages a pin

1...

2...

KICKOUT!

Jimmy gets the shoulder up as Sergion plants a few boots and positions him near the turnbuckle, Sergio grabs the turnbuckle ropes, jumps up and quickly manages a sommersault splash on Jimmy Donovan, going for another cover.

1...

2...

KICK OUT!

Jimmy manages another shoulder but Sergio showboats one more time to the crowd, resting on one knee spreading his arms out wide, whipping his head back and staring to the ceiling in one of his famous dramatic poses.

TILL: Cue the dramatic pose from Sergio Pedroza, he almost makes this look scripted.

Dr. P: Like an old fashioned bullfight, I am almost ready to see him introduce the spears.

Jimmy gets to his feet and tries to capitalize on the moment, bounces off the far ropes as Sergio turns around and uses his quickness to dodge under the oncoming lariat, both men go to the far ropes, run back towards each other, Jimmy goes for a jumping lariat this time but Sergio manages to sidestep, jump in the air and hit his Jumping Enziguri connecting to the back of Jimmy's head. Sergio does not go for the cover, instead goes to the turnbuckle and sits on the top and waits for Jimmy to stumble to his feet, Jimmy has his back turned at first but turns around to see a diving Sergio Pedroza, connecting a Tornado DDT leaving Jimmy dizzied and on his back, Sergio now goes for the pin.

1...

2...

KICK OUT!

Jimmy again gets his shoulder up and sergio plots his next move. Sergio drags Jimmy up and irish whips him to the far ropes, Jimmy comes back and is met with a spinning backbreaker, Sergio goes for another pin attempt.

1...

2...

KICK OUT!

Sergio doesn't waste any time to pick up Jimmy Donovan and attempts to irish whip him to the ropes again but is reversed and is sent to the ropes, comes back and ducks a big boot to the face, stops in his tracks and waits for Jimmy to turn around, delivers a quick boot to the midsection, grabs his head and lands a spinning neckbreaker, Sergio then grabs Jimmy's arm and applies a sitting armbar on him trying to make Jimmy tap, the ref is at Jimmy's face asking him if he would like to submit, Jimmy isn't giving in.

TILL: Jimmy is in the middle of the ring and has nowhere to go, it's either tap or find some way out.

Dr. P: No kidding, Till, are those REALLY his only options?

Till stays silent as Jimmy is trying to stir a bit, finding any way to reverse the move, slowly jimmy is getting to his knees, Sergio looks a little perplexed as the fans are cheering Jimmy on to get up, Jimmy is now on just one knee and Sergio is actualy almost on his back now, still trying to keep the hold applied but has lost all leverage, Jimmy musters up all his strength, uses his free arm to hoist Sergio up and powerbombs him flat on his back, both men are now laying in the middle of the ring, the ref begins his standing 10 count..

1....

2...

3...

4...

5...

Sergio is stirring

6...

Jimmy is stirring

7...

Sergio is up to this feet first and flips over the top ropes to the outside as Jimmy is now on one knee trying to catch his breathe, Sergio is fumbling outside and is grabbing a steel chair and rolls back into the ring, the ref sees this and is beginning to protest it as he and Sergio are now exchanging words, the ref grabs for the chair but Sergio is not letting go, still mouthing to the referee, Jimmy makes it to his feet and rests against the ropes as a figure emerges from underneath the ring, dressed in a pink mini skirt, stilletto heels and blonde hair.

TILL: What the heck? Someone just came out from under the ring! wait a minute, that looks alot like Juen Lee from the Sheffield Wednesday Lot, and he's dressed like a hooker!

Dr. P: Called it

Juen gets on the apron and sticks one leg through the ropes towards Jimmy, showing off a little leg, Jimmy is quickly mesmerized and stumbles over to Juen Lee, not even realizing who it is til the last moment when Juen Lee reaches under the mini skirt and grabs a soccer cleet, and conects fiercly with Jimmy's forehead sending him stumbling about the ring grabbing his head, Juen tosses the cleet and makes a quick exit to the back as Sergio conveniently gives up his argument and the chair, holding his hands up defensively at the ref proclaiming him to be right, dashes over to Jimmy, grabs his head and hits a running diamond cutter.

TILL: SPANISH INQUISITION! The ref did not see Juen lee's interference allowing Sergio Pedroza to capitalize effeciently, This should be it! he's going for the cover!

1...

2...

3!

WINNER: EL TERRIBLE II

Sergio quickly gets to his knees and showboats one more time on his
victory over Jimmy Donovan, shoves the ref's arm out of the way and rolls out of the ring, and strolls to the back talking to the cameraman about how magnificent his performance in the ring was, Jimmy is still slowly coming to after taking that hit from Juen Lee, a little dazed and unsure as to what happened.

Dr. P: Nobody expects the oriental hooker!

TILL: I think you have that phrase wrong, Dr. Phantasmo, it should be Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition.

Dr. P: No, I expected it, but I don't think anyone expected Juen Lee
to come out dressed like a woman of the night.

TILL: Point taken, folks, this Pay Per View is getting more exciting by the moment, and boy do we have a match coming up for you, the "True Face" will be going one on one against Doc Silver in a first for MBE, a Dildo on a Pole match, heated words have been exchanged by these two and I think this is going to get a little...well...interesting might be an understatement.

Dr. P: Well, we just saw a man dressed in drag beating up a Cowboy with a soccer cleet, we might as well keep the ball rolling and conveniently follow this match with Dildos and a member of the Innner Sextum.

MATCH THREE- DILDO ON A POLE: DOC SILVER V. “THE TRUE FACE” JUSTIN EVITABLE

TILL: The sounds of Shirley Manson and company fill the Convention Center, and that can only mean one thing. Doc Silver is in the building.

DR. P: Finally an MBE superstar worthy of word of commentary from yours truly.

The crowd boos lustily as Doc Silver, accompanied by his personal bodyguard Dan Dority and personal lacky The Green Machine, makes his way to ringside.

TILL: The rules for this one is simple, ladies and gentlemen. There is a 7” Yori Yakamo Special Edition Sex Toy hanging from a post above the far turnbuckle. Whoever gets it, gets to use it.

DR. P: Personally I am disgusted that Doc Silver, a man of unassailable integrity, a legend in every federation he has stepped foot in, has to be subjected to the ridiculous and perverted whimsy of our drug-addled ownership.

TILL: Yori does sign your checks, last time I checked.

DR. P: Perhaps, but do you really think he is currently sober enough to listen to the broadcast.

TILL: Well, it is after ten in the morning. So touché, I guess.

Doc conferences with his entourage, pausing to exchange some words with a teenager in a slightly faded“True Face” t-shirt in the front row.

DR. P: Obviously someone spent their welfare check on that ticker and can only afford clothes from the Salvation Army. Doc is probably just giving him some prudent sartorial advice.

The lights go out in the arena and “Vicarious” begins to play. Justin Evitable promptly emerges from the back with a train of Russian strippers with ROBOYORI bringing up the rear with some particularly lewd dance moves.

TILL: Well, never let it be said that Justin didn’t know how to party.

DR. P: I don’t think it was ever said that he knew how to wrestle either.

TILL: I just hope he didn’t bring those girls across state lines.

Justin begins to sodomize the turnbuckles as the crowd eggs him on. Doc has had enough, though, and, as is his modus operandi, pearl harbors Justin before he can even pantomining tag teaming one of the strippers with ROBOYORI. The YORobot and the girls beat a hasty exit out of the ring as Doc lays the boots into the surprised Evitable. The lights finally come back on, and senior referee Lance Thunder calls for the bell. Doc takes a moment to remove Justin’s sunglasses and stomps on them for good measure.

DR. P: Well Justin’s out the ten bucks he spent on those in Times Square.

Doc whips Justin into the ropes and catches the beleaguered True Face with a knee to the solar plexus. Justin flops to the canvas and receives a lightning fast elbow drop from Silver. The cagey veteran covers immediately, grinding the bridge of Justin’s nose for good measure.

1…

2…

Justin kicks out.

TILL: Doc said that he wouldn’t use the dildo, and so far he has shown no interest in it.

DR. P: A consummate professional, Doc Silver needs no foreign objects to get it done in the ring.

Doc drops a pair of knees across the forehead of Justin Evitable. An Irish whip is reversed, but Justin sets himself too early and eats a faceful of canvas from a modified rocker dropper.

TILL: Justin hasn’t been able to get it going so far.

DR. P: Well, given his associates it would probably be too much to ask for him to drag himself away from the hookers and blow and maybe hit the gym.

Justin kicks out of another pinfall, but quickly finds himself on the uncomfortable end of a camel clutch.

TILL: Doc continuing to wear down Justin. The camel clutch is one of my favorite control holds. It is difficult to escape, and keeps your arms free to add some painful flourishes, as Doc is doing with those cross faces across Justin’s neck.

Justin maneuvers his legs towards the edge of the ring and drapes an ankle over the bottom rope, but not before Doc has delivered a dozen or so shots to his neck. Doc picks Justin up rudely by the hair and whips him into the corner. A running shoulder tackle finds nothing but air, though as Justin dodges out of the way. He drops Doc with a belly to back suplex and takes a few moments to recover, rolling his neck to get some of the feeling back. He goes after Doc, but gets a thumb to the eye as Silver quickly regains his bearings. Doc pulls Justin’s legs out from under him and tries to turn the true face over into a Boston Crab, but Justin grabs Doc’s head and flips him over in a small package.

1…

2…

Doc kicks out.

TILL: Justin almost stole one there.

DR. P: Doc is far too experienced to be fooled by such an amateurish move again.

Doc lays the boots into Justin some more, but when he tries to corral him, finds himself in another small package.

1…

2…

Doc kicks out.

TILL: You were saying.

DR. P: I was just talking about how Doc is incredibly resilient and always finds a way out of dire situations.

TILL: Right. You do know these things are recorded on tape.

DR. P: I would hope there to be a record of my unquestioned brilliance and insight for posterity’s sake.

Doc is showing a bit of frustration now and tackles Justin and begins choking him with his forearm. He hides it from the ref for a few seconds, but soon enough the ref administers his five count. Doc breaks it at 4.9.

TILL: Doc’s blatant breaking of the rules gets fairly tiresome, wouldn’t you say Doctor P?

DR.P: I wouldn’t even consider saying something so foolhardy and factually incorrect. But to each their own.

Justin struggles for air by the ropes, and tries to get to his feet as the ref and Doc have a frank exchange of ideas about the rules governing the grappling arts. Doc finally moves towards Justin and gets a shot to the gut. Another follows before Doc drives a knee right into the face of the kneeling true face. Justin goes down hard, clutching his neck. Irish whip attempt, but Justin blocks it and hits an enzuigiri. This time it is Doc flopping to the canvas. Justin is up first this time and catches Doc with a sleeper slam. He covers.

1…

2…

Doc kicks out.

Justin senses a chance to GO FOR THE DILDO, and he takes it, climbing to the top turnbuckle. Dority is up on the apron in a flash, though and grabs Justin’s leg to stop him. The ref gets him off the apron, but the distraction lasts long enough for Doc to deliver a low blow from behind.

TILL: Justin may need to save that dildo for later, as he could be out of commission for a bit after that shot.

DR. P: Well, I am sure I can satisfy all those strippers with nothing more than my wit and wisdom.

Doc has had about enough of Justin Evitable and sets Justin for the River. The True Face has the wherewithal though to shove Doc into the turnbuckle. Doc turns around right into a spectacular flat-footed Frankensteiner from The True Face. He reaches back and hooks Doc’s legs.

1…

2…

Doc kicks out.

Justin flips Doc onto his stomach and procures his own camel clutch, and adds some pelvic thrusts for good measure.

TILL: An unorthodox hold to be sure, but one that will no doubt raise Doc’s ire to the boiling point.

Doc slips out of the hold and double legs Justin from behind. He starts driving elbows into the back of Justin’s head. Justin clamors to the ropes, but Silver continues his assault. The ref tries to break them up and Justin pulls Silver through the ropes and out to the floor.

TILL: And Justin drives Silver into a tactical mistake. Though he took a bit of a beating to get there.

Justin follows Silver out with a pescado and flattens the veteran on the mats outside. He’s on the wrong side of the ring, though, and Greenie is able to distract the ref long enough for Dority to hotshot the woozy Justin on the guardrail. ROBOYORI is quickly to the rescue though, as he flattens Dority with a robotic clothesline. Greenie cowers by the ring steps as ROBOYORI does the hustle.

TILL: The ref has had enough and he is ordering everyone to the back, even the strippers.

DR. P: The robot has ruined it for everyone. No surprise that the automaton version of Yori has no respect for the rules, I suppose.

TILL: Yes, clearly Dority and Green Machine were just innocent bystanders.

ROBOYORI leads the train of Russian Strippers to the back in a conga line, Dority and Greenie put up more of a fight, but even they eventually head off to the back. Meanwhile, Doc has rolled Justin back into the ring and slapped on a stretch plum, to further try and weaken the true face’s neck and shoulders.

TILL: Justin is in a world of pain here. Doc’s been singularly focused on his neck for most of the match.

The pain is clearly etched on Justin’s face, but he struggles to try and make the ropes. Doc wraps his free arm around his throat to keep him from the ropes, though, and Justin slowly heads to dream street. The ref checks his arm…

Once….

Twice….

Justin’s arm darts back up.

TILL: Justin still has a bit of life left him.

DR. P: Which will quickly get snuffed out by the wrestling godhead that is Doc Silver, no doubt.

Justin frees his arms and unleashes some elbows to Silver’s midsection with both arms. That loosens his grip enough for Justin to twist around and hit a desperation release Northern Lights Suplex. Justin collapses to the canvas along with Silver.

TILL: Both men are down for the count.

Silver is up first. He whips Justin to the ropes, but Justin ducks a lariat and springboards off the far rope. He does a moonsault and DDTs Silver in one motion as the crowd leaps to its feet in appreciation.

TILL: An amazing move from the Rated R Popstar.

DR. P: Sheesh, and you accuse me of reading the wrestler’s own copy.

Justin’s wearily drags himself over to Silver and drapes an arm across his foe’s midsection.

1…

2…

Silver gets a shoulder up.

DR. P: YES! Doc Silver shows that he is simply too much of a competitor to be felled by a fluke maneuver from an inferior opponent.

TILL: It’s almost like you have money on Silver.

DR. P: I would have, but I couldn’t get odds better than 3-5. Even Vegas knows Silver is the man to beat.

Justin rolls to the ropes and pulls himself up to his feet. He points to the dildo and the crowd encourages him to go after it.

He climbs up the turnbuckles and reaches for the sex toy.

TILL: He’s almost got the weapon of mass perversion, and also probably some destruction.

DR. P: No! The cagey Doc Silver slams Justin back to the canvas with a powerbomb.

Doc deposits Justin right on his injured neck. Doc leans into a cover and puts his feet on the ropes, for balance, no doubt.

1…

2…

TILL: No! Justin is out at 2 and a half. Doc will have to do more than that to put away The True Face.

Doc looks up at the dildo, but decides to just kick Justin in the mush a few times.

TILL: Doc still a little unsteady on his feet, that DDT took a lot out of him.

Doc goes for the River again, but Justin counters with a lung blower.

TILL: Justin has Doc well scouted again. Say what you will about his choice of lifestyle or associates, but Justin has raised his game in recent weeks.
Justin shoves Doc off him and covers.

1…

2…

Doc kicks out.

TILL: If Justin had a little more left in the tank, he would have hooked the leg there and maybe sealed the deal.

Justin is back to his feet, and beckons Doc to get up as well.

TILL: He’s looking for the VMA

DR. P: Silver reverses. THE RIVER!

TILL: No, Justin counters. Skeetboard! Silver is down. This could be it.

1…

2…

DR. P: Silver’s leg is on the bottom rope! What ring presence by Doc!

Justin is in shock, that Doc kicked out, but quickly gathers his senses and heads up top for the dildo.

TILL: He’s got the sex toy.

Justin waits until Doc reaches his feet. He leaps off the top and bashes it into Doc’s head.

TILL: Whoever had 14:24 in the Doc starts bleeding pool, you are a winner.

DR. P: This is a disgraceful turn of events, Doc Silver to be defeated…

1…

DR. P: By such a shameful tactic. It makes me reconsider my entire career in wrestling broadcasting…

2….

DR. P: Doc kicks out, my god, Doc kicks out! He is not human.

TILL: Doc’s resilience is legendary, and he is showing why.

Justin slaps the mat in frustration, but signals that the party will be over. He sets the barely conscious Doc into the pumphandle position.

TILL: It looks like Justin is going to add an extra bit of humiliation here, he’s turning the dildo’s vibrating feature on. Thank God we are on PPV

DR. P: Have I mentioned how much a disgrace this whole proceeding is.

TILL: Once or twice.

Justin turns it on, but suddenly is jolted back to the mat. The dildo drops harmlessly to the floor. Justin begins convulsing.

TILL: My god, what happened?

DR. P: If I were to hazard a guess Till, I would say that perhaps Yori shouldn’t have moved his dildo factories to Guatemala. Far inferior craftsmanship, not to mention lax industrial safety standards.

Doc is a little shocked as well, but he quickly rolls up the convulsing Justin.

1…

2…

3!

WINNER: DOC SILVER

TILL: In an ironic twist of fate, Justin is felled by the very weapon that was about to win him the match.

DR. P: Silver once again proving that he is by far the man to beat in MBE. A triumphant win for the odds on favorite to be YOUR first World Heavyweight Champion.

TILL: Whatever you say Phantasmo.

Smitty and company attends to Justin while Doc jaws with the fans on his way to the back.

TILL: Folks, we have the PBPro Quintuple Crown Championship Match up next, it should be a doozy.



MATCH FOUR: PBPRO QUINTUPLE CROWN TITLE MATCH: IRISHRED v. EZEKI THE SUMO (c)

“Bad Company begins playing over the sound system, and the multitude of MBE fans stand up to salute one of their favorite native sons, Irish Red.

TILL: Say what you will about his tactics, say what you will about his personal demons. Irish Red embodies the spirit of Message Board Entertainment as well as any superstar that has passed through these halls.

DR. P: No wonder the company went under.

Red jumps down off the ramp to slap some hands and pose for some pictures. Even sign an autograph or two.

TILL: Red is a true man of the people.

DR. P: Perhaps he should be focused on winning the most prestigious title in wrestling. Or maybe he just knows he has no chance and is trying to get a photo op in before a true wrestling legend mangles his face beyond repair.

Red hops up onto the ring apron and climbs the top turnbuckle to salute the fans one more time, but their attention is quickly diverted to the entrance way as red smoke fills the rampway. The music changes to “Shinsekai” by Minako Honda and a line of attendants parade out from the back, each carrying one belt that comprises the PbPro Quintuple Crown title. They are followed by Ezeki’s seconds, Jaguar Mask and Ryuji Yakamo, each wearing PbPro gym shirts. Finally, the champion himself emerges wearing a matching red kimono and half dragon mask.

DR. P: Ezeki is a true legend of the sport and a Japanese national hero. I will enjoy nothing on this momentum evening so much as him flattening Red into a little American pancake.

TILL: There can be no doubt that the Quintuple Crown title has one of the proudest lineage in the sport of wrestling. It’s former champions read like a who’s who of international superstardom. The Great Yamada, Hida Yakamo, A, Bobby Rodriguez, and Ravage, just to name a few. And it was Ravage who Ezeki beat for these very titles in an epic encounter last winter.

DR. P: And Red will soon be just a footnote, another title defense that cement Ezeki as one of the greatest champions of all time.

TILL: Well now that the largest champion in the world has finally made it to the ring, I will turn the proceedings over to MBE ring announcer Vincent “Vinman” Taylor

VINMAN: The following contest is set for one fall with a 60 minute time limit and is for the PbPro Quintuple Crown Championship and will be officiated by PbPro senior official Hiroshi Sakamori. To my left stands that challenger, standing six feet tall and weighing 235 pounds. He is a former MBE Extreme champion and was the runner up in the 2005 MBE Cup. He hails from Yankton, South Dakota. He is IRISHHHHHHHHHHHHHH REEEEEEEEEEEEEEED!

And his opponent, hailing from Fukuoka, Japan. He stands one hundred and fifty five centimeters and weighs in at 250 kilos. He was a Yokozuna for over seven years and now stands in this ring as the PbPro Quintuple Crown Champion. This…is… EZEEEEEEEEKKKKKKKKKIIIIIIIIIIIIIIII!

TILL: We’re ready to go, and you can feel the electricity in the air

The ring attendants clear the last of the streamers out of the ring and the two men go face to face in the center of the ring, Red already jawing with his opponent. Ezeki piefaces him and knocks him to the canvas as the ref is going over the rules. Red gets right back to his feet and back up in Ezeki’s grill.

DR. P: It is worth mentioning that Red refused to take part in the traditional reading of the proclamation and photos with the belts. Once again showing his disrespect for PbPro.

TILL: Red probably just wants to get down to business.

DR. P: Way to tow the company line, partner.

TILL: And the same for you there, sporto.

The bell rings and Red charges into a collar and elbow tie-up. Ezeki casually flings him to the canvas.

TILL: Perhaps not the best strategy by Red.

Red is up again and just starts laying the lumber into Ezeki. The sumo absorbs a series of right hands, before casually piefacing Red once more.

DR. P: Red has no idea what he is getting into here.

Red is up again, but this time it is Ezeki who charges at Red, driving the MBE superstar into the corner with a series of sumo slaps. Red has to retreat to the safety of the ropes, and Ezeki halts his assault, grinning from ear to ear.

Red is furious with himself and charges again, Ezeki prepares for him, but Red slighs through the sumo’s massive legs and ends up on his feet behind the champion. Red starts peppering Ezeki’s thighs with kicks. The sumo winces with each blow but fires back with some leg kicks of his own, the impact of which takes Red down to one knee, where Ezeki knocks the former extreme champion to the mat with a chop that echoes through the arena.

TILL: Perhaps Red underestimated Ezeki a bit.

DR. P: Was that so hard to admit Till?

Red scoots out of the way of a massive elbow drop and lays in the leg kicks again. Ezeki fights through the shots and Red barely escapes a takedown, using the ropes to force a break.

TILL: The last place Red wants to be is under that mountain of a man.

DR. P: The last place Red should want to be is anywhere near the sumo grand champion. Period.

TILL: Red has been stymied in his efforts thus far, but I think it is you who underestimates the fire in the belly of one Irish Red.

This time Ezeki adds a huge slap to the face as he breaks in the ropes. Red is momentarily stunned and a moment later, enraged, he starts slapping Ezeki and the two stand toe to toe in the ring. Red gets the far worse end of the exchange, and is soon being driven back into the corner with more sumo slaps. He gets hooked and tossed to the mat in a modified judo hip throw. Ezeki attempts the first pinfall of the match.

1…

2…

Red kicks out.

TILL: It warrants mentioning just how much more difficult it is to get out of a pinfall when you are under a man of Ezeki’s size.

Ezeki stands up and delivers a kick square between Red’s shoulder blades. Red is slower to his feet this time, but manages to avoid a charge from Ezeki. The giant sumo crashes into the turnbuckles, and Red fires a dropkick at his knee. It hits the mark, but Ezeki stays on both feet.

DR. P: I suppose Red can take a moral victory away if he just gets Ezeki off his feet. Better men than he have tried and failed.

Red is barely back to his feet before Ezeki has him locked in a bear hug, he throws Red around like a rag doll as the Mafioso struggles for oxygen. A few elbows to the head don’t alleviate the pressure so Red resorts to a shot to the eyes, deftly out of the ref’s line of sight, of course.

DR. P: This is a travesty!

The attendants complain as well, but the ref can’t call what he doesn’t see, and Red presses his momentary advantage, viciously attacks Ezeki’s knee as the sumo tries to regain his vision in the corner. Ezeki sidesteps another sliding dropkick, though and Red slides out to the outside. Red tries to pull him out, but the sumo barely moves, and shoos Red off with a kick of his boot. So Red reaches into the first row, grabs a beer and tosses it at the champion.

DR. P: This is a disgrace. The referee should disqualify Red immediately.

The ref is prepared to do that but Yamada steps in and quiets the commotion and sheepishly tells the ref to let it continue, much to the dismay of the PbPro officials he is sititng with. Not so much to Yori, who sits next to him, passed out and drooling on his clip-on tie.

Ezeki, meanwhile, is furious and has followed Red to the outside where the two begin to brawl.

TILL: Ezeki foolishly playing right into Red’s hand here.

The ref administers his twenty count, as mandated by PbPro regulations, but neither combatant seems to have any intention of returning to the ring. Ezeki tosses Red into the barricade and lays in a flurry of punches to the midsection. The sumo begins to tire a bit though, and Red goes on the offensive now, firing some short knees to the champ’s dome. He whips Ezeki into the ring steps and charges delivering a giant dropkick to the knee of the champ, sandwiching it against the metal. Red rolls into the ring to break the twenty count and waits for the champ to gingerly reenter the ring. Red continues his attack, laying in the kicks to the knee of the sumo and dragging him into the middle of the ring where he applies a spinning toe hold.

TILL: Red with the right idea here, keep the big man off his feet. Ezeki has had knee problems in the past. In fact, he had ACL surgery in 2004 shortly after retiring from sumo competition.

DR. P: You are completely ignoring the blatantly illegal actions of the challenger.

TILL: I’m not ignoring them, but it’s Irish FREAKING Red, what did you expect, Dr. P?

Ezeki reaches for Red, but the challenger remains just out of reach. He finally breaks the hold with a parting stomp and a double bird. He hits the far ropes and baseball slides into the champ’s knee once more. He slams the knee to the canvas with authority and heads to the top rope.

TILL: I wouldn’t call it rare to see the Mafioso head to the top rope, but it’s certainly not common.

Red waits for the sumo who tentatively gets back to his feet. Red is poised to fire off another high impact drop kick, but the champ steps forward at the last second and takes Red’s head off with a lariat as he flies towards him.

TILL: MY GOD! Red’s head was quite nearly removed from his body there.

DR. P: Well, Ezeki would have been doing all of us in the wrestling business a favor if he had succeeded

Ezeki drops to one knee, obviously in a fair bit of discomfort, but he quickly rolls Red onto his back and covers.

1…

2…

Red kicks out.

DR. P: Impossible! Red was clinically dead for a moment there.

TILL: Well, as anyone who has followed MBE knows, you may well have to kill Red to keep his shoulders on the mat.

Ezeki is sufficiently disgruntled by the near fall and expresses his concerns to the ref that the count may have been made with a lack of due haste.

Red is on dream street, though, and offers no resistance to a brutal running powerslam from Ezeki. Ezeki doesn’t stop there, though, delivering a second running powerslam, splattering Red on the canvas. He covers.

TILL: Red looks done for.

1…

2…

TILL: Ezeki picks Red up off the canvas. What arrogance from the champ. He may be making a huge mistake.

DR. P: More likely Ezeki feels like he hasn’t punished Red enough, obviously he can finish off this upstart whenever he feels like it.


Ezeki draws his hand across his throat and spits on the beaten carcass of Irish Red. The crowd boos him lustily, but Ezeki pays them no mind as he scales the turnbuckles. The buckles bend perilously, but manage to support the sumo’s formidable girth.

TILL: This is uneccesary! Ezeki is trying to end Red’s career tonight.

DR. P: Disrespect has it’s price, Till. Red knows that as well as anyone.

Ezeki leaps off the second turnbuckle, looking for a huge splash, but at the last second Red rolls out of harm’s way. Ezeki crashes to the mat, creating a permanent dip in the ring.

TILL: Red moved out of the way! That must have been pure instinct!

Ezeki is clearly shaken and the punch drunk Red beats the sumo to his feet with the aid of the ring ropes. He charges the sumo and just unloads everything he has in the tank. Chops, right hands and elbow strikes by the bunches. Ezeki is slowly getting rocked. Red starts adding some MMA style standing knees and the sumo.

TILL: Red looks to being going for a KO.

DR. P: I wish him good luck with that. He will need it.

Ezeki fires back with some sumo slaps, but he is clearly getting the worst of this exchange. Red can’t get him off his feet, though.

TILL: The crowd is going bonkers for these two superstars just beating the hell out of each other.

Ezeki finally just spears Red, carrying him straight across the ring into the far turnbuckle. Red slumps in the corner, and Ezeki just begins to stomp away at the former extreme champion. The ref tries to interject, but Ezeki refuses to cease his attack. Finally, the ref puts himself between Ezeki and Red, which is not the place you want to be, as Red fells them both with a desperation low blow.

DR. P: What are these shenanigans! Red needs to be disqualified!

TILL: Ezeki should be dq’d first for not breaking while in the ropes. I would think a man of your encyclopedic wrestling knowledge would know that little arcane rule, Doctor.

The PbPro contingent is in a frenzy. Yamada is trying to calm them down and says he will go to the back and get another official immediately. In the chaos, though, someone spills a drink on Yori, and he shoots awake in his seat.

Meanwhile, back in the ring. Red has climbed to the top rope and delivered his signature Cold Shot to Ezeki. He rolls the big sumo over and goes for the cover, but there is no one there to make it.

TILL: Wait, Yori Yakamo has entered the ring. He’s counting the pinfall.

DR. P: Since when is that drug-addled pervert a licensed referee?

The PbPro contingent realizes what is happening a second too late.

1…

2…

Ezeki kicks out.

The PbPro officials exhale and immediately go to work trying to remove Yori from the ring. Jaguar Mask and Yori’s youngest brother Ryuji try to drag him from the ring. But he holds onto the bottom rope for dear life. Yamada emerges from the back with an MBE referee, but his face quickly turns to horror when he sees the goings on. Red meanwhile has Ezeki locked up for another Cold Shot. He drives the sumo to the mat just as Yori manages to slip free from the PbPro contingent, who are left holding his pants. Pantsless Yori slides over to make the count.

1…

DR. P: Dear god, no.

2…

The entire PbPro contingent, plus Yamada, dive into the ring to try and stop Yori

3!

But they are a second too late.

WINNER (And new PbPro Quintuple Crown Champion): IRISHRED

Yamada rushes down to ringside to confront Yori, he grabs the mic.

YAMADA: *******it Yori, you are not an MBE referee, you can’t just count pinfalls. I, on behalf of PbPro, refuse to recognize this title change. Now go put some freaking pants on.

The crowd responds quite negatively to this proclamation

DR. P: Finally, Yamada restores some order to the proceedings. We are so fortunate to have such a wise and just leader.

YORI: But Yamada-san, you said only a PbPro referee could officiate the match, and I started out as a PbPro referee, remember. I renew my license every year, just in case. So I think Red is the champion now. PLEASE DON’T HIT ME!

The Crowd explodes as the PbPro contingent pitches a fit.

RED: You heard the man, Yamada, hand me my belts, all five of them.

YAMADA: Well, MBE refuses to recognize this title change either, Red.

YORI: No, I think we do. I mean I just made the pinfall count and everything. And I’m the owner, so….RED IS THE NEW CHAMPION! NOW GIVE ME BACK MY PANTS!

The crowd explodes as the PbPro officials accost Yamada, while Yori slips out of the ring with Red and the belts.

TILL: Well, that was quite the match.

DR. P: This is a dark, dark day for wrestling.


MATCH FIVE: PROMO V. JOGI FRESH

TILL: Back to in-ring action, and it is a grudge match weeks in the making between Promo and Jogi Fresh. Ever since Fresh came out and interrupted Promo’s press conference the two have been taking every opportunity to try and punk the other.

DR. P: ‘Punk?’ Did I just wake up in 2003. I hope I did, because at least then I had a competent play by play man working with me.

TILL: I thought you were too distraught over Red winning the Quintuple Crown Title to keep doing commentary.

DR. P: It is a travishamockery, that is true. But we must soldier on.

TILL: I figured that was too good to be true.

“The Champ is Here” begins playing and the crowd comes to its feet for the arrival of His Freshness.

TILL: Jogi has become quite the favorite of the MBE faithful in the last few weeks with his big wins over AJ and Andy. Wins that have to position him well in the upcoming MBE World Title Tourney. In fact, this match could be an early preview of the finals.

DR. P: Blasphemy! No way Jogi makes it out of round two.
TILL: Care to put a small wager on that, Doctor.

DR. P: There is no room in a scholar’s life for vice, young Till.

Jogi finally emerges from the back, much to the delight of the crowd. He walks to the ring, supremely focused, and flanked by his cadre of associates and hype men.

VINMAN: The following contest is set for one fall with a thirty minute time limit. Introducing first, accompanied by the Entourage, from the A-T-L- Atlanta, Georgia. He weighs in at two hundred and sixty pounds. His Freshness! JOOOOOOGI FREEEEEEESH!

DR. P: Look at that coward, bringing reinforcements to a one on one fight.

TILL: Yes, because Promo would never take a liberty in the ring.

DR. P: Glad we agree.

Jogi consults with his boys then removes his boxing robe, handing it to the timekeeper for safe keeping, who Jogi shamelessly flirts with. He stands at attention, peering down the ramp way, waiting for the arrival of Promo.

TILL: And here he his, the last linear world heavyweight champion of MBE.

DR. P: Such legalese. He is your world champion and mine, Till. Just admit it.

TILL: He gave up his right to that belt the minute he tossed it down and walked out of here.

The crowd remains on its feet, but their cheers turn to quite virulent boos as Promo emerges from the back to the strains of “I Stand Alone” and indeed the champ does stand alone, as he walks to the ring unaccompanied by his tag partner AJ Cirrus, but accompanied by the MBE World Title, which hangs from his waist.

VINMAN: And his opponent, from Philadelphia, PA. He weighs in at two hunudred and sixty five pounds and is the last recognized MBE World Heavyweight Champion. It is the Underground Icon! PROOOOOOOMOOOOOOOOOO!

DR. P: See, a real man fights alone. And doesn’t need a theme song to tell him he is a champion.

Promo reaches the end of the ramp, and orders Jogi to back off so he can enter the ring. Jogi actually holds the rope open for Promo and tells him to come on in.

TILL: And the mind games start early.

Promo walks all the way around the ring and enters through the ropes on the adjacent side. He spits in Fresh’s direction for good measure. That brings the entourage onto the apron, but Fresh calms them down and begins to limber up.

TILL: Fresh finally gets Promo in the ring one on one. Heck, anybody finally gets Promo in the ring one on one.

DR. P: Be careful what you wish for, Till. All Fresh won was the honor or being Promo’s first victim.

TILL: If you say it, Dr. P, it must be right.

DR. P: I believe you may have been mocking me there, Till.

TILL: A terrible accusation, Dr. P.

The bell rings and the crowd remains on its feet, clapping in time as the two men feel each other out. They nearly lock up, but Promo backs off into his corner, to the annoyance of the masses in attendance.

They circle again, get one hand into a knuckle lock, but Promo drops his grip and backs off again before they can lock in another hand. More boos from the capacity crowd.

DR. P: Promo, a true ring tactician, feeling out his opponent for weakness.

They circle again. They get a hand locked in again, but Promo fires off a kick to the midsection as Fresh tries to get the other hand locked up. He steps under into an arm bar and torques it for good measure.

DR. P: Now that is how you play mindgames, Till.

TILL: I’m probably just too stupid to realize it.

DR. P: Probably.

Promo keeps the armbar cinched in tight, and fires off some short kicks to the ribs of His Freshness. Fresh grabs a single leg to counter and runs the ropes. Promo stays down and Fresh leaps over him, hits the far ropes and runs into a hiptoss attempt from Promo. Fresh blocks and turns it into a hammerlock. He rides Promo to the mat and switches to a headlock.

TILL: Nice chain wrestling from Fresh and Promo early.

Promo powers up to his feet and leans against the ropes for support. He tries to send Jogi off the far ropes, but Fresh bares down tightly on the headlock. Promo stops short and picks him up for a belly to back suplex, but Jogi shifts his weight and takes Promo over, holding onto the headlock, flummoxing the champ.

TILL: Jogi getting the best of Promo in the early goings.

Promo powers back up to his feet and tries to shake Fresh off again, but Fresh continues to wrench the hold. Another belly to back suplex works, but Fresh still keeps a grip onto the headlock. The crowd is quite appreciative of Jogi’s tenacity. Promo is not, though and gouges at the Fresh one’s eyes, out of sight of the ref. That earns him some freedom. He whips Jogi off the far ropes and catches him with a tilt a whirl backbreaker. Promo covers.

1…

Fresh kicks out.

TILL: It is going to take a little more than that to put away the Fresh one.

DR. P: Yes, but Promo has established that he will go for pins early, and keep the pressure on Jogi. This match will be as much about mental endurance as it is physical endurance.

Promo slaps on a ground abdominal stretch and shakes the neck of Fresh violently to add pressure to the hold.

DR. P: Promo has his knee planted square in the back of Fresh. The Fresh one is not going anywhere.

Fresh’s turn to show his strength as he powers up to his feet and frees himself with a hip toss. Promo is up quickly and eats another hip toss. To his feet again, Promo avoids the hip toss, and spins Fresh into a backslide.

1…

2…

Fresh kicks out.

TILL: Impressive agility from the big man.

Both men are to their feet quickly, and meet face to face in the center of the ring. After some jawing, Promo hits the ropes and lays into Fresh with a shoulder block. Fresh holds his ground, and Promo invites him to take his best shot. Fresh obliges, hitting the ropes and then Promo with tremendous speed, Promo is backed up a step, but stays on his feet. Fresh tells Promo to take his best shot. Promo puffs up his chest, pokes Fresh in the eye and then hits a running jumping shoulder block that knocks the Fresh one to the mat.
DR. P: Brilliant tactical maneuver by Promo.

TILL: Obviously the Web Browser isn’t the only MBE superstar unfamiliar with the basic rules of wrestling.

DR. P: If you ain’t cheating, you ain’t trying.

TILL: I didn’t think a man of your intellect indulged in clichés

DR. P: I prefer to think of it as a classic.

Promo locks the Abdominal stretch back on, and throws some short elbows to the ribs for good measure.

DR. P: Promo is tenacious. He is fighting like he has something to prove. Even though, as champion, he has nothing to prove.

TILL: To you, maybe.

Jogi powers back up, more slowly this time, though. Promo blocks the hiptoss though, so Jogi twists underneath to free himself. He hooks Promo’s arms and takes him down in a backslide of his own.

1…

2…

Promo kicks out.

TILL: That was a little close for comfort, you still with me Dr. P?

DR. P: Promo, showing a flair for the dramatic. I always liked that about him.

Promo is up. Fresh is up. And the two just start exchanging elbows. Fresh gets the better of the exchange so Promo fires off a knee to the softened up ribs of Fresh. That drops Fresh to one knee. Promo goes for another eye poke, but Fresh has it scouted, and blocks it, before raking viciously at the eyes of the champ, much to the crowd’s delight.

DR. P: Hey that’s patently illegal.

TILL If you ain’t cheating…

DR. P: Shut up!

Jogi is in control now, and after a stern warning from the referee, peppers Promo with a series of rights and lefts, while the champ struggles to regain his sight. Promo covers up marginally well, but stumbles into an overhead Tazplex. Jogi covers.

1…

2…

Promo kicks out.

As soon as Promo kicks out. Jogi locks on a head an arm choke.

TILL: Uh-oh, the champ is in trouble.

DR. P: That’s illegal. That’s a choke.

The ref does investigate, and finds that Jogi’s arm is over Promo’s jugular, he forces a break, much to the annoyance of the entourage.

DR. P: Save that for the octagon, Iceman.

Promo retreats to the corner and tries to catch his breath. Jogi meets him there with some serious stomps, as the crowd counts along. Irish whip to the far corner, but Promo dodges a big splash, and Fresh’s ribs slam into the turnbuckles. Promo takes immediate advantage catching Fresh with a 360 degree German suplex, that lands Fresh square on his injured ribs. Both men are down and the ref administers his ten count.

1…

2…

3…

4…

5…

Promo stirs

6…

As does Fresh

7…

8…
Promo pulls himself to his feet

9…

As does Jogi

Promo charges and drops Fresh with a clothesline. Fresh gets back to his feet, but is easy pickings for an airplane spin slam, as Promo modifies it to drop Fresh straight down on his chest. Promo covers.

1…

2…

Jogi gets a shoulder up.

DR. P: That was three, come on ref! Do your job.

TILL: I think your contract does prevent you from so openly rooting for Promo.

DR. P: I am rooting for a real champion. I am rooting for MBE. Promo is MBE

TILL: Well, I think I may just have to vomit now.

DR. P: By all means, I can handle things down here.

Promo looks for the FADEOUT, but Jogi gets a hand up to block it. Promo tries to power it on, but Fresh manages to toss Promo to the mat to escape the hold. Promo foolishly charges back in, but runs right into THE FRESHNESS! Fresh falls back clutching his ribs, but finally sits up into a cover.

1…

2…

Promo gets a shoulder up.

TILL: That slight delay in pinning Promo was just enough to let the underground icon escape.

DR. P: Not to mention the man is a wrestling machine who cannot be defeated by mere Jogi Fresh.

Fresh goes for the Freshness again, but Promo kicks free. The champ looks for another clothesline, but Fresh ducks. The fresh one spins around and locks on a rear naked choke. He adds a body scissors for good measure.
TILL: Promo is in deep trouble.

Promo is able to carry the weight of Fresh on his back, but is clearly fading fast. He just barely make the ropes, and, in fact, literally collapses against them. Fresh tries to drag him back to the center of the ring, but Promo clings to the ropes for dear life.

TILL: What a coward!

DR. P: What a wrestling maestro!

Fresh lays in the boots, but the ref backs him off, this gives Promo a chance to reach into his boot and pull out a metal chain.

TILL: Oh come on, what is that doing in there.

DR. P: It’s for comfort and style, no doubt.

Fresh shoves the ref out of his way and looks to renew his assault on Promo, but walks right into a chain-assisted uppercut from the champ.

DR. P: Ah, Fresh is out! Promo is clearly the better boxer.

TILL: Ugh, what a disgraceful turn of events.

Promo dives on top of Fresh for the cover, judiciously hiding the chain in his tights.

1…

2…

TILL: Jogi kicks out!

DR. P: No!

The crowd stamps their feet and the entourage pounds on the apron, trying to get Jogi back in the match. Promo hoists Jogi to his feet and goes for the FADEOUT once more. Jogi uses his last bit of energy to fire off some elbows to the midsection of Promo. He gets some distance from the champ and fires off some left jabs before crushing Promo with a right hook. The champ drops like a sack of potatoes.

TILL: He did it! Promo is out!

Fresh drops to one knee, clutching his head. He instinctively stumbles to his own corner and gets fanned off by the entourage as the ref administers a standing ten count on Promo.

1…

2…

3…

4…

5…

Promo rolls to his stomach

6…

He reaches for the bottom rope

7…

8…

He pulls himself to one knee.

9…

He is up!

The ref checks Promo, but determines that he can continue. Promo stumbles into the FRESHNESS, but counters with an enzuigiri. A subsequent replay shows the chain wrapped around his bootlaces. Fresh drops face first to the mat.

TILL: Come on ref, put on some eyeglasses.

DR. P: I think the referees in MBE should be commended for their hard work and dedication, not criticized by armchair officials like you, Till.

Promo leaves nothing to chance, though, putting the limp body of Fresh on the top turnbuckle, before hitting a massive, flipping PROMOPLEX. Depositing the Fresh One on his injured ribs one more time. Promo crawls over and makes the cover.

1…

2…

3!

WINNER: PROMO

TILL: Well it took two shots with a metal chain, but Promo survives a match with the Fresh One. You have to give credit where credit is due, though, Doc. Fresh wrestled more than well enough to win.

DR. P: I have to do no such thing. Clearly Promo proved to be the superior athlete heading into the MBE World Title Tournament. Perhaps Fresh will think twice next time before interrupting our true World Champion.

MATCH SIX: MBE WORLD TAG TEAM CHAMPIONSHIP- DUCHESS AND IRISHRED V. THE THRILLBILLIES

(to be added shortly. Your winner, and new MBE World Tag Team Champions…. THE THRILLBILLIES )

MATCH SEVEN: LAST MAN STANDING MATCH- “CANADIAN THUNDER” A.J. CIRRUS V. ANDY GILKINSON

VINMAN: Ladies and gentlemen, it is time for the main event! The following contest is a LAST MAN STANDING MATCH! The only way to win is to incapacitate your opponent for a standing ten count. There is no time limit. Your referee is senior MBE referee Lance Thunder.

“Highway to Hell” starts to play and the Emperor of the Gilkination, Andrew Gilkison makes his way to the ring.

TILL: Folks, this is a main event literally years in the making. The bad blood is finally going to boil over tonight at MBE Awakenings.

DR. P: I look forward, as to wrestling pundits across the globe, to AJ Cirrus finally ending Andy Gilkie’s career once and for all. Frankly, if I never have to see another Gilkison wrestle again, it will be too soon.

VINMAN: Introducing first, from Las Cruces, New Mexicio, weighing in at two hundred and eighty-seven pounds. This is ANDY ****ING GILLLLLLLLLLLKIIIIIIIIIIIE!

TILL: Andrew Gilkison, Mr. MBE to the core, he was there at the beginning and he carries the MBE banner to this day, I can think of no one I would rather see main event our first PPV of the new era.

DR. P: Let’s see, Spoiler, Hida Yakamo, PILE, Maggot, Bobby R, The Idiot Fan…

TILL: Would you stop already.

Andy slaps some hands down at ringside before sliding into the ring. He leans against the ropes and waits for his opponent to appear.
“Frgt/10” hits on the loudspeaker and the crowd readies their soda bottles and middle fingers for the arrival of Canadian Thunder.

VINMAN: And his opponent, from Thunder Bay in Ontario….Canada. He weighs in at two hundred and fifty pounds and is the last recognized MBE Unified Champion. He is A. J. CIIIIIIIIIIIIRUS!

AJ makes it about three quarters of the way down the ramp, before he realizes that Andy is steamrolling towards him. The Gilkinator leaps onto the top rope, and then quickly leaps off, flattening AJ with a huge crossbody.

TILL: What dexterity from the Gilkinator. And this match is underway with a bang.

DR. P: Way to wait for the bell, man of the people.

Gilkison is on top of AJ and rains down punches and hammer fists. AJ tries to protect himself, but is clearly getting pummeled. Andy leaps to his feet, dragging AJ up with him. He whips the former Unified champ into the ropes and delivers a huge back body drop that lands AJ flush on the unforgiving ramp way.

TILL: AJ should be looking for the first bus back to the border, if he’s smart.

DR. P: The Canadians are a fine, industrious people Till, and they are certainly not afraid of a Gilkison.

Andy sets AJ for a suplex on the rampway, which AJ desperately tries to block. Andy powers AJ up, but the Canadian Thunder has enough presence to twist around and land behind Andy. He quickly doubles over Mr. Gilkison with a low blow.

TILL: AJ wasting no time taking a shortcut.

DR. P: Anything goes, Till. This is the match Andy asked for.

Andy drops to his knees, and quickly is sent the rest of the way to the ground, as AJ snaps off a short dropkick to the back of Andy’s head. AJ collects the Gilkinator and rolls him into the ring. He hits a slingshot leg drop on the prone Gilkie.

DR. P: Now A.J. will take us to school.

A.J. lays in a few stomps to Andy’s neck and head before locking in a half crab. He torques Andy up almost to a vertical position.

DR. P: As Sartre would say, Andy is learning that Hell is other people. Or, specifically, AJ ****ING CIRRUS

AJ asks Andy to quit right then and there, and make it easy on himself. Andy responds with a particularly colorful string of expletives referring to AJ’s mother, sister, aunt and dog. AJ flashes murder in his eyes and gives up the hold, instead dropping a flurry of knees and elbows to the back of Andy’s head.

TILL: A vicious assault from the former Unified Champ.

DR. P: A vicious assault from the Unified Champ, indeed.

AJ picks Andy up, whips him off the rope and catches him with a running knee lift and stops to soak in some boos, before driving the heel of his boot across Andy’s nose and eyes.

TILL: AJ is clearly in his element, now, a no rules free for all.

AJ picks Andy up again, but his non chalance, allows the Gilkinator to catch AJ by surprise with a European Uppercut. A second follows, stunning AJ. Andy spears the former Unified Champ to the canvas and rains down some blows of his own. His recklessness proves his undoing though, as AJ hikes his legs and locks in a Triangle Choke. Andy is caught off guard and begins to turn a rather unpleasant shade of crimson.

DR. P: AJ showing he is a jack of all trades, master of most.

Andy rears back with his last bit of strength and picks AJ up into a powerbomb position. He lays out and drives AJ neck first into the turnbuckle with a modified powerbomb. AJ breaks the choke, and slumps down in the corner as the crowd chants Andy’s name.

TILL: Andy finds a way out and strikes a big blow against AJ.

Both men need a few moments to recover, but Andy is on the offensive now, dropping AJ with Samoan drop before hitting a fierce running leg drop right across the champ’s throat. Andy wastes no time setting AJ for the Andy Bomb.

TILL: Andy wants to make short work of AJ.

DR. P: What does he have a hot date or something. Cause that seems unlikely.

Andy hoists AJ up, but Mr. Canadian Thunder alley oops himself out of the hold and he lands standing behind Andy, a mule kick to the unmentionables, drops Andy to his knees once more. AJ casually swings around and hits a roundehouse kick to the back of Andy’s head. He order Lance to make the first count of the match.

1…

2…

3….

Andy is stirring

4…

5…

Andy is to one knee

6…

Andy is up

TILL: What a cocksure little bastard.

DR. P: AJ works the count, gets a breather and gets into Andy’s thick skull. What’s not to love?

AJ wastes no time, and gives Andy no opportunity to collect himself, knocking the Gilkinator out of the ring with a dropkick. AJ follows with a huge suicide dive, sending both men into the barricade. The ref has to use his count once more.

1…

2…

AJ is stirring

3…

4…

Andy is stirring

5…

6…

AJ is up

7…

8…

Andy is up.
TILL: A little close for comfort there, perhaps.

AJ retains control, whipping Andy into the ring steps. Andy knocks the top step off and it is clear now that he is bleeding from the back and neck.

TILL: Andy in a bad way early on, here.

AJ corrals Andy by the barricade. And tries to deliver a hot shot, but the larger Andy wriggles out and slams AJ’s head into the barricade. Again. And Again. The crowd starts counting along and they get all the way to ten. AJ stumbles about and walks right into a belly to belly suplex from the Gilkinator. AJ bounces rudely on the thin mats outside the ring.

TILL: Andy is on the attack now. Things do not bode well for Canadian Thunder.

Andy pulls up the mats at ringside and rubs AJ’s face into the concrete. The blood begins to flow from the former Unified Champ’s head and mouth.

DR. P: This is inhuman. This is barely even sport. This is…

TILL: Exactly the match AJ accepted.

Andy sets AJ for a piledriver on the exposed concrete. AJ grabs onto Andy’s leg as tight as he can. Andy brings down the axe handles to try and soften up AJ some more. He goes for the piledriver once again, but AJ has enough fortitude left to block it AJ tries to reverse it into a back body drop, but Andy nimbly lands on his feet in a stunning display of balance. AJ swings around for the low blow, but this time Andy is prepared and catches AJ by the ankle.

TILL: Uh-oh. AJ could be in for some payback.

AJ begs for mercy, but Andy is having none of it, he sweeps the other leg and drops AJ onto his back. He asks the crowd for their opinion. They concur: Give him the business. Andy stomps down on AJ’s groin. Then he does it again, and then he drops a headbutt down there as AJ screams in agony.

TILL: Andy is fired up.

Andy heads over to the timekeeper and borrows one of the steel chairs.

DR. P: This is completely unnecessary, Andy Gilkison is nothing more than an animal.

Andy strides over to AJ, who is bloody and begging for mercy. He tries to crawl away from Andy, but there is no escape. Once, the steel chair is driven into AJ’s back. Twice the steel chair is driven into AJ’s back. Andy rolls AJ up against the ramp way and places the chair over his head.
DR. P That sick animal.

With a running start Andy sandwiches AJ’s head in between ramp and chair, with a little help from a sliding dropkick from the Gilkinator. AJ slumps over in a mess. Gilkie waits for the ref to count, the crowd counts along.

1…

2…

3…

4…

5…

AJ stirs

6…

7…

Aj is up to one knee

8…

9…

AJ IS UP!

DR. P: That beautiful Canadian bastard still has some fight in him yet.

Andy attacks immediately, but runs into a desperation stungun. Andy’s head crunching against the rampway.

TILL: Both men are bleeding from the forehead now, and my god what a gusher Andy has going!

AJ takes a moment to regain his bearings but seeing the nasty gash on Andy’s forehead he is revived. Like a shark that smells blood, AJ goes in for the kill. He punches at the cut furiously, and when that does not provide the blood flow he desires, AJ begins biting at it.

TILL: You want to talk about a sick animal.

DR. P: Turnabout is fair play, Till.
Andy drops to the mats and AJ rakes his boot across the cut as Andy’s face is just covered in the proverbial crimson mask. AJ picks up the discarded steel chair and begins choking Andy with it. The blood continues to flow as Andy struggles for air.

TILL: This has turned into nothing more than a barroom brawl.

AJ measures his man, waits for Andy to get to his knees before delivering a hellacious chairshot, right across Andy’s skull. The impact is so strong, that the rebound yanks the chair from AJ’s grasp. Andy crashes up against the barricade. The ref begins to count.

1…

2…

3…

4…

5…

6…

Andy stirs

7…

Andy begins to pull himself up

8…

9…

Andy is up.

While Andy was trying to regain his feet, AJ procured a table from underneath the ring. He sets it up by the rampway and drags Andy back into the ring. He sets the enfeebled Andy for his signature rolling Germans. One lands, two lands.

TILL: No, Andy is fighting it. Elbow to the face, another. Andy reverses.

Andy fires off some Germans of his own. One. Two. Three. Four.

TILL: AJ is just getting tossed about like a rag doll.

Andy doesn’t have quite enough energy for a fifth though and the two land in a heap in the middle of the ring.

DR. P: Andy has lost too much blood. Now is the time to strike, AJ!

AJ is in a bad way himself, having just been on the more painful end of four german suplexes. The ref starts his count.

1…

2…

3…

AJ stirs

4….

AJ is up to one knee.

5…

Andy stirs

6…

AJ is up. And he pulls Andy up as well. AJ whips him into the near turnbuckle and delivers a high splash. Andy peels out of the corner and lands face first on the mat. AJ drags him off onto the rampway and signals that it is time for the Thunder Clap, with the table sitting ominously below them.

TILL: This is insanity!

DR. P: This is awesome!

TILL: He could end Andy’s career!

DR. P: We should all be so lucky!

Andy struggles to block it. AJ gets halfway over, but finds himself staring at the ground. Andy has a leg over each shoulder, and he is not letting go.

TILL: AJ is in big time trouble!

DR. P: Fight it AJ, fight it!

Andy slowly turns around and faces the table, before dropping AJ down off the ramp and through the table with a whiplash slam. A thunderous explosion of wood precedes a ‘Holy ****’ chance from the audience. Andy collapses on the rampway in exhaustion.

TILL: That has to be it! AJ is OUT!

1…

2…

3…

4…

5…

6…

7…

AJ stirs.

8…

AJ stumbles to the barricade.

9…

AJ IS UP?!

TILL: IMPOSSIBLE

DR. P: AMAZING! AJ CIRRUS IS A MACHINE NOT A MAN!

Andy is shocked as well, but shock turns to anger as he takes a running start and leaps off the ramp at AJ. RIGHT INTO A STEEL CHAIR SHOT.

DR. P: AJ just leveled Andy with that chair!

TILL: A terrible turn of luck for the Gilkinator.

1…

2…

3…
AJ is up

4…

5…

6…

Andy is up.

Kick to the gut. THUNDER CLAP!

TILL: Andy’s head just bounced right off the exposed concrete.

The blood wells up on the hard stone as Andy lays in a growing pool of his own viscous. AJ struggles to his feet and grabs the ref by the shirt, telling him to count that bastard down.

1…

2…

3…

4…

5…

6…

Andy rolls to all fours.

7…

8…

Andy is on his knees

9…

ANDY IS TO HIS FEET!

TILL: Neither man seems human. They are driven by a hate for each other so great that pain seems only a minor obstacle.

DR. P: That was almost poetry, Till. But the point is, ANDY IS ON PERFORMANCE ENHANCING DRUGS.

TILL: This is a real sport, Till. This isn’t baseball or something. The only drug Andy is on is vengeance.

Having failed to finish each other off with their big bombs, the two men just stand nose to nose and start punching each other in the face. The blood flows, the crowd goes bonkers, the announcers are speechless. Andy tosses AJ up against the barricade, more punches rain down. AJ switches positions and fires some short elbows. He adds some knees and a three elbow combo that drops Andy off his feet. A savate kick follows, sandwiching Andy between AJ’s foot and the barricade.

TILL: Andy has clearly lost a ton of blood, and it has to begin to affect his stamina. He may be on borrowed time right here.

AJ goes back under the ring and produces another table and a can of lighter fluid.

TILL: Oh no, he can’t be thinking…

DR. P: Light the bastard on fire AJ! Do it for Canada!

AJ sets up the table and pours out the lighter fluid. He calmly walks over to Vinman and borrows a cigarette and a lighter.

TILL: God have mercy on both their souls.

AJ takes a long drag of the cigarette before putting it out on Andy’s forehead. Andy screams in agony.

TILL: What a sadistic piece of trash.

DR. P: Hey, this is the match Andy wanted.

AJ casually flips the lighter on and lights the table ablaze. He drags Andy up to the apron.

TILL: Things are looking bad for the Gilkinator.

AJ procures the double underhook. He hoists Andy up.

DR. P: A LITTLE NORTHERN EXPOSURE FOR ANDREW GILKISON

TILL: NO! ANDY ESCAPES! He’s on his feet behind AJ. He doubles him over with a kick to the gut. HE’S LOOKING FOR THE ANDY BOMB!

Andy gets AJ up, but the former Unified champ brings down a series of fists to Andy’s cut, the blood flows into Andy’s eyes and he has to drop AJ.

TILL: AJ escapes by the skin of his teeth, and the table continues to burn.

AJ looks for the Northern Exposure again, but Andy twists out of the double underhook. He spins AJ around.

TILL: GILKIMISSION! GILKIMSSION!

DR. P: NO! NO!

Gilkie positions AJ just right and unleashes his alpha and his####, the Gilkimission-plex. AJ crashes through the flaming table as Gilkie lays splayed out on the apron

TILL: DEAR LORD! AJ WENT HEAD FIRST THROUGH A FLAMING TABLE

DR. P: NO! NO! NO! This can’t be happening!

Gilkison pulls himself up to feet by the ring ropes and stands over the burned body of his opponent. He counts along with the crowd and the referee.

1…

2…

3…

4…

5…

6…

7…

8…

9…

10!

WINNER: ANDY GILKISON

TILL: He did it, Andy did it. He exacted his revenge on AJ Cirrus.

The crowd goes into apoplexy as stage crew arrive with fire extinguishers clear off the last of the flames followed by a band of officials and paramedics to check on AJ.

TILL: What a show folks, join us this Wednesday for WNW live from Philadelphia. The title tournament begins! What a show! We’ll see you on Wednesday!

Andy’s bloody smile is the last image of the broadcast, as the copyright logo comes on the screen and we fade to black.