View Full Version : [SSIV] Main Event - TEAM Invitational Tournament Final: Dan Ryan vs. Ulysis Solian

04-29-07, 07:40 PM
For all the marbles.

Mexico City Champion Dan Ryan defeated:
Rob Franklin
Hoyt Williams
The Canadian Loonie
Jason Payne

Boston Champion Ulysis Solian defeated:
Simply Beautiful
Larry Tact
Yori Yakamo, Jr.
Rocko Daymon
Shawn Hart

May the best man win.

No time limit, one fall to a finish. There is no RP limit. All regular rules apply. RP deadline is Thursday, May 10th at 11:59:59 PM, give or take a second.

05-01-07, 05:23 PM
"The following contains material unsuitable for younger viewers, in which case you should feed them their milk and cookies, read them their bedtime stories, and then put their asses to bed. Also, the following people involved were used on camera with permission. See them if you have a problem. Viewer discretion is advised, however, if you don't view this, you're probably robbing yourself of a masterpiece. I'm just sayin'..."

Monday, April 30, 2007
9:27AM EST
Bronx, New York

The camera faded in to an outside shot of a four-story apartment building in Bronx, New York. Laughter was heard from outside before the camera faded in to none other than The Prodigal Son of Wrestling, Wrestling’s Guiltiest Pleasure, the current and reigning Loc Relentless Champion, and one of the two finalist in the TEAM Invitational Tournament…Ulysis Solian.

The camera had an up-close and personal shot of The Spaniard cracking up uncontrollably with a mouth full of milk and Apple Cinnamon Cheerios. His eyes were literally tearing up as continued to laugh his ass off.

Just then, from the blind side of the camera’s eye, Mystique Darkheart walked into, what apparently was the living room, and stood there with her arms crossed across her bosom and her right foot tapping the floor. She then turned her attention from her estranged husband to what was amusing Ulysis so much…

The camera followed the view and showed a Spongebob Squarepants cartoon played on a high-definition television.

Suddenly, Ulysis Solian felt his wife’s presence and looked up at her with soft and gentle eyes…and a matching smile to boot. As he swallowed the mouthful of milk and cereal, Ulysis looked up at Mystique and greeted her.

“Hi Celeste! How the eheheheheheh are you?!” said Solian as he made the sound of a dolphin.

All Mystique could do at this point was shake her head.

“Bloody hell…”

The scene then cut to a montage of highlights, both in the ring and out, of Ulysis Solian from Legacy of Champions with an instrumental version of “Smack My ***** Up” by The Prodigy playing in the background. The typical flashy graphics with soundbites from a few of Solian’s interviews which ended with fans chanting “SOLIAN! SOLIAN! SOLIAN!” followed by Ulysis yelling in another soundbite, “STOP OR I’ll SHOOT!” After this, the logo of the show appeared for about five seconds:


The camera faded back into the living room of Ulysis Solian’s home as Mystique walked over to the television and turned it off.

“Oh come on! It was getting to the end where Mama Krabs hurts her foot and Spongebob, Patrick, and Mr. Krabs thinks she is cursing, only for it to really be the horn of Old Man Jenkins’ jalopy!”

“Do you know where you were supposed to be yesterday, Ulysis?” replied Mystique sternfully.

“Not a clue.”

“You were supposed to be in Las Vegas, gearing up for your Finals match in the TEAM Invitational Tournament against Dan Ryan as you had a press conference to attend to. Luckily, I was able to make an excuse that you were sick and the press conference was pushed to Thursday.”

“You’re a doll, you know that, Celeste?”

“Furthermore, you are also to make an appearance at a press conference in Orlando for a press conference for Legacy of Champions’ Ready? Set? Wrestle!”

“Now listen, sweet cheeks…”

“No!” interrupted Mystique. “You damn well bloody listen to me; I will not put up with any of your sniveling bulls*** while I’m playing surrogate mother to you!”

“Hey!” exclaimed Ulysis. “I didn’t want you watching over me like a damn hawk as I can take care of myself. I think it’s pure bulls*** that Danny Boy tries to pull a fast one on me by sending you of all people to keep me on lockdown.”

“Now, I’m sorry I didn’t make it to Las Vegas yesterday, but I don’t feel like talking to any of the damn media that already has me losing this damn match anyway. The last thing I need is a crap load of distractions ruining my concentration for this match.”

“And do you really believe by watching some children’s show is going to prepare you for Dan Ryan?”

“You’re really overestimating Ryan’s intelligence…”

An awkward pause filled the room for a brief moment.

“Nevertheless, you need not worry, my beautiful wife…”

Ulysis stood up and walked over to Mystique as he tried to caress her cheek with his hand. Mystique, however, avoided the hand like the bubonic plague and her face showed how she truly felt.

“You disgust and disappoint me, Ulysis. If you were only half the man you once were…”

“Okay, I think this conversation’s over now, don’t you?” interjected Ulysis.

Mystique smoothed out her business skirt suit as she looked into Ulysis’s eyes.

“I have arranged for a ticket to Las Vegas for you in which the plane leaves tomorrow at precisely…” Mystique checked her watch. “…ten o’clock AM…sharp.”

“You will touchdown in McCarran International Airport at approximately two-thirty PM and from there, a limousine will arrive, to which will take you to Yorilove.com Place of…Dildos Casino and Hotel.”

“What?! Can’t you put me in a Four Seasons Motel or something?! I’m not staying in a place that has the word ‘Dildos’ in it.”

“Why? Is it because you may be…”

Mystique looked down at Solian’s…package…


Mystique smirked as the camera turned to Ulysis Solian, who also smirked.

“Heh. Last time I checked sweetheart…”

Ulysis Solian leaned in real close to Mystique’s face.

“…I never had anything to feel ‘uncomfortable’ about…isn’t that right?”

Mystique’s expression turned to that of shock as she started to blush a bit. Ulysis Solian turned away and walked out of the living room.

“I’m packing my things! I’ll see you tomorrow in Sin City!” shouted Solian.

Mystique shook a bit and huffed as she stormed out of the living room and out of Ulysis’s home.

The camera faded to an up-close shot of Ulysis Solian, once again sat on a wooden stool with a lit clove in his hand.

“Well, sobrino, you made it. You defeated Shawn Hart once again and are now in the Finals of the TEAM Invitational Tournament. Congratulations are in order…”

“No need to congratulate me, Manny. I knew I was going to win, so it comes as no shock to me.”

“Very well. So, you’re only days and one match away from achieving what you have been set out to do from the very beginning. Are you nervous coming into this match?”

“Nervous? Bah! Rookies get nervous. You’re looking at a seventeen-year vet whose been in the game longer than most. I’ve been in many tournaments and have been in the same spot I’m in right now countless times. What a ridiculous question to ask! You should know better Manny!”

“Well, the only reason why I asked is because of not the match itself…but who you are facing. You do realize this is the Dan Ryan you are facing, right?”

“Oh I know.”

“And you do realize that this is one of the greatest wrestlers to ever grace this sport in the past decade? A dominate wrestler who is currently the A1E World Heavyweight and Tag Team Champion? A man who had once held the CSWA World Heavyweight Championship? A man who…”

“Save the rundown of Ryan’s credentials and accomplishments for someone who gives a f***. Granted, the guy is good…real good. Had it been Jason Payne I was facing in the Finals, I’d know the match was definitely in the bag for me because like Dan Ryan had showed in his semifinal match…Payne is a fluke.”

“But you have to realize something Manny; while the man I’m facing is indeed Dan Ryan, the man Dan Ryan is facing…is Ulysis Solian.”

“Let me break it down for you like this:

Since day one in this tournament, nobody, and I mean nobody thought I’d be in this position. As I climbed my way to the top of the mountain, tooth and nail, there have been people doubted I was going to win. They doubted I was going to beat Larry Tact, they doubted I was going to beat Yori Yakamo, Jr., they doubted I was going to beat Rocko Daymon, and they doubted I was going to beat Shawn Hart.”

“There was but one man who knew I was going to win…”

Ulysis Solian pointed to his own chest.

“You and everyone else have put Dan Ryan on this pedestal and made him into a living god in this sport. That’s fine, the guy deserves it. I have respect for the guy. I think he’s a tremendous athlete and a multi World Heavyweight title holder in numerous promotions.”

“But so am I.”

Solian takes a drag from his clove and exhales the smoke in the air.

“You have to realize something, when it comes to popularity; Dan Ryan beats me by several miles. The fans love him, the promoters love him…our peers love him. They respect the man for what he represents, despite the fact in my humble opinion; he doesn’t represent what this sport is truly about. It’s as he said…”

“He’s just a businessman.”

“Now don’t get me wrong…I’m not going to Jason Payne him here because quite frankly, I couldn’t give a flying f*** about backstage politics. I’ve had my fill of it for years and continue to do so now.”

“Dan Ryan looks out for Dan Ryan and all he wants from wrestling is money, power, and respect….and he’s got it.”

“Money? I don’t care about money because I’m going to make a lot of it and I already have a lot of it.”

“Power? I had the power long before I became who I am today. It’s how I command the ring time and time again, as everyone has seen in this tournament thus far.

“Respect however…that’s something I don’t have.”

“If respect is measured by how many matches one wins, how brutal the matches have been, how many championships and tournaments and awards one has won, then I should have more respect than Dan Ryan will ever hope to have.”

“But that isn’t the case.”

“See, I don’t care about the past accomplishments and championships and so on and so forth, because in this match, what you have, as Tom Holzerman said it best on Epicenter, are two of the greatest wrestlers and legends of our sport today. Make no mistake that this match will go down as one of the epics in all of professional wrestling, not to mention this will be Match of the Year in 2007.”

“Dan Ryan has all the tools necessary to eliminate me and take away everything I’m fighting for in this match. Dan Ryan is simply one of the greatest wrestlers in our generation.”

“But I’m Ulysis Solian. I have just as many tools, if not more, to win this match. And I will keep repeating my Manifest Destiny of this tournament and that is no matter who I was going to face in this tournament…I’m going to stand alone on the mountain. If that means I must go through a giant of a man in one Dan Ryan, well brother, you don’t know me as well as you think you do.”

“There is one burning question I must ask and that is…what if Ulysis Solian can’t beat Dan Ryan?”

“Can’t? There is no can’t in my vocabulary, Manny. You should know this better than most! There is no can’t, there is no don’t, and there sure as hell is no try…”

“I guess what I’m trying to ask is…what if Ulysis Solian…The Prodigal Son of Wrestling…can not overcome the sheer strength and prowess of Dan Ryan?”

“All I have to do is hit Capicooooooooo….”

“But what if that isn’t enough?” interrupted Emanuel.

“Then I’ll get him with the Ce…”

“And what if that isn’t enough?”

Ulysis Solian sighs.

“Fine, if I must stoop myself to that level for a third time in this tournament, then I’ll take him out with the Burning Hammer, something no one can get up from…”

“But what if Dan Ryan does? What if that still isn’t enough? This is the Dan Ryan we are talking about…”

Ulysis Solian, in a bit of disgust, looked away as he took a drag from his clove. As he exhaled a cloud of smoke in the air, he turned and leaned forward, looking toward Emanuel Gonzago.

“Then I guess I’ll do whatever the f*** it takes to defeat Dan Ryan…no matter how much it kills me inside…”

“For everything I have done in this tournament, everything you have seen, the odds that were against me because people like you thought there were no way in Hell I could make it this far, that no matter what kind of abilities I possess that few would dream to have...maybe what you should be asking Manny, as well as everyone else out there who continues to doubt me and my ability is…does Dan Ryan have what it takes…to defeat Ulysis Solian…”

Ulysis Solian turned and stared right into the camera with such intensity, with his clove dangled from the corner of his mouth.






“…do you?”

05-02-07, 10:10 AM
FADE IN.....

A luxury suite at the Bellagio..... (sorry, enjoy the dildos Ulysis)

Dan Ryan is sitting on a long semi-circular leather sofa. A crackling sound can be heard. In front of him, a fireplace roars with a full blown fire. Above it, somewhat redundantly is a sixty inch plasma television......with the image of a fire on it and the volume up a bit, just enough to rival the crackling sounds of the real fire beneath it.

Ryan, for his part sits with one leg crossed straight across the other leaning back and sipping a bottle of water.

There's no one to talk to. Ryan is lonely. No one for you to watch him interact with. He has to speak to the camera directly. Lonely. Lonely. Not really. Just a man, a camera and two fires in a really pretty hotel suite.

Ryan: "So Ulysis, you're one of those people now eh? I think this is some sort of karmic inevitability, the two of us in this position. I know of you and your career very...VERY well. I'm very well versed as a student of the game, and I was always at least a partial admiring observer throughout the years."

"Let it not go unsaid that you were once signed on with Empire Pro a little bit prior to my arrival on the scene as full time owner and head man with the company, but unfortunately Paul Freeman and his lax management skills led you to bolt. Can't say I blame you. You don't exactly see much of Paul making decisions for me anymore, and there's a reason for that."

"But what was I talking about when I said you were one of those people now? Was that some veiled insult? No, not really. Just an observation. You used to be a no frills kinda guy back in the day. Now you do the whole entertainment schtick. Kinda Hoyt Williamsy of you. Although, I'm sure you're a better in-ring guy that Hoyt was."

"Still, it bores me to tears."

"Yeah I know. It's not me that you're trying to entertain. There's more than my smile on the line in this match and it wouldn't be prudent to make that your focus. You know better than that, so what would be the point? Preaching to the choir, that's what it is."

"You've been doing this what was it? Seventeen years? My Ulysis, that's a long long time. I was sixteen years old seventeen years ago, still training in Japan and looking ahead to the future. Can't say really that I could match rings with you if someone were to cut us both open and count 'em. But then again, since when has experience made up for a lack of talent anyway? Especially once you get past the ten year mark. It's kinda like when you're dating. Make eyes at a girl who's sixteen when you're twenty years old and it's illegal. Make those same eyes when she's twenty-six and you're thirty and it's true love."

"We're beyond pulling rank on each other I would think. I'm good. You're good. Let's get over that."

"We're evenly matched enough that I think it would be a humongous waste of time to play the 'I'm gonna do this and I'm gonna beat you and you can't stop me' routine. Simply put enough, one of us is gonna make a mistake eventually and the other will pay the price for it."

"You could save yourself a lot of time and trouble by simply doing as much of a check on my entire career as I've done with yours as well. Don't think you're the first to buy into that money, power, respect illusion. You tried to break it down...valiant as you may be, but faulted as most are."

"I'm a lot more complex than I get credit for, and that's fine. I don't demand credit. I only demand of myself the ability to look at myself in the mirror when my time is up. I'm a businessman yes, and a successful one - but I'm many things more than that. I'm all about myself in the ring and not so much when out of it. I take risks on other people for the betterment of all involved. If my company succeeds, then every person that works for it and in it, in and out of the ring...succeeds along with it."

"I took the chances on the rookies now gracing my shows. I took the risk of putting a woman in position to win a major World Title. I get the recognition I receive because of a tireless work ethic and perfectionism to make myself and others I come into contact with great. I have no disparaging comments to make about you in this regard. Your personal life is your business, and not one I'm as familiar with as I am with your ring acumen. But the credit I receive? I believe I deserve it. I receive respect and am popular among even my peers as you say...because I've always been blunt but honest, painfully so at times - and have always demanded the best of the people who I come into contact with, violently opposing anyone who chooses a path of laziness or of just getting by."

"A lot of people have their words to throw around like last week's garbage. I've always backed mine up, Ulysis. That's why I receive the respect I receive. As for you not receiving it? I'd say that's mostly of your own doing. Your resurrection as a man of the ring has happened mostly in a company that most of this world doesn't frequent. As I wouldn't receive the heavy handed awe if I stepped into your world, you no longer receive it here. You could probably regain it if you wanted to. Just don't bemoan what I have and you don't. The grass is always greener, but you have more than your share of respect."

"As for money? What makes you think that I think of it any differently than you do? I made my millions pretty early on due to solid investments and a pretty good track record in the ring. That I was able to parlay that into a wrestling company of my own should give you some indication of my purchasing power at the time. I wasn't remotely wealthy growing up. It was a comfortable lifestyle in the middle class, first back home in Houston and later outside Tokyo. Money is about providing for my family and ensuring their futures. I've accomplished that, and that's all I need. A man only needs so much money anyway. After a while, it's just for showing off."

"And as for power? Well, would you be so purposely blind as to say that power doesn't come with the territory when you become successful? It's how you use that power that tells the story and defines who you are. You won't 'Jason Payne me', and that's a good call - since Jason was a guy who whined his way to a second shot in this tournament and then accused me of using politics for personal gain."

"That's the popular thing going around these days. It's a form of denial, assuming that I'm successful because I must have parlayed some sort of political influence into opportunities. Tell me how you became so successful, Ulysis. Did you exert undue pressure on bookers and company boards in order to put yourself in a position to succeed? If the answer is no, then don't waste my time by doing me the disservice of projecting it on to me. If the answer is yes, then I simply can't relate to you. I'm sorry."

"It only takes a quick review of my time around the circuit. I've joined more startups without reward than just about anyone I'd wager. I made myself a part of UCW to lend some star power to the proceedings without so much as an ounce of gold demanded in return. I played a part, and helped the entire roster shine and it worked well. I've put myself in the ring in my own company on occasion to help another wrestler develop. You should look at my in-ring record over there sometime. Look it up in the archives. I tend to lose a lot in my own company. I wonder why that is?"

"Power is what you do with it, Ulysis. Don't decry it's existence as evidence that I would misuse it. My lot in life is to act wisely with what I've been given. I'll do that on my own and play the hand I've been dealt and will not for one minute apologize for the status I've attained."

"You would be well served to do the same."

"We are each our own man, Ulysis."

"You would like to wrap yourself in the cozy blanket of your presumed intelligence and aura and tie the same old rhetoric up in a shiny new ribbon and pass it off as something new. But it's just the same old hand-me-down."

"I've heard 'can you get up from this move' or 'can you get up from this move' or 'the question isn't if I can beat you, but can you beat me' and blah blah blah blah blah a thousand times over and no amount of cutesy packaging or charming little logos dropped into your interview packages can change that you're an old school guy bringing an old school argument."

"You see Ulysis, there's the real thing......"

Ryan points a hand toward the fire crackling in the fireplace...

"And there's a reasonably created fascimile...."

Ryan gestures toward the television above it....

"As I said all along, the question is not who can say the same old thing in a more creative new way - the question is who makes the first mistake?"

"I'm not dumb. I wasn't born yesterday. Losses happen, things happen. Even the best lose. I'm confident enough based on my track record, my preparation and my faith in my own abilities that I can absolutely defeat you all things considered. You should feel the exact same way, if you are what you say you are. I'd expect....in fact, DEMAND...as much from another 'legend of the squared circle'."

"So the rhetorical questions? Not necessary. Just prepare. Train and prepare like your life, your very wrestling life and soul depend on it."

"Because you know what, Ulysis?"

"It just might."

"A forced suicide could get awfully....messy."


05-06-07, 06:44 PM
"The following contains material unsuitable for younger viewers, in which case you should feed them their milk and cookies, read them their bedtime stories, and then put their asses to bed. Also, the following people involved were used on camera with permission. See them if you have a problem. Viewer discretion is advised, however, if you don't view this, you're probably robbing yourself of a masterpiece. I'm just sayin'..."

Thursday, May 3, 2007
3:34PM EST
Las Vegas, Nevada

The camera faded in to an outside shot of Yorilove.com Palace of Dildos Casino and Hotel. It then faded to an inside shot of the conference hall, where it was jam packed full of reporters and fans. Standing at the podium already in the middle of a heated speech was none other than The Prodigal Son of Wrestling himself…Ulysis Solian.

“…And let it be said, that no matter what you think the outcome will be, it will remain the same each and every damn time…and that’s me with the Merritt Cup raised high in the air…before I set it down and relieve myself in it while Dan Ryan will be wishing the cup was his open mouth!”

A mixture of boos and cheers filled the conference room as Ulysis Solian stormed off and out of it. The camera cut to a shot of Solian leaving the room, where he was greeted by his estranged wife, Head of Talent Relations for Legacy of Champions, Mystique Darkheart.

“F***ing ingrates! They’ll soon to know who the greatest wrestler in this sport will be by the end of this match.”

“Maybe if you used some more acceptable vernacular, you may be able to win over more people.” retorted Mystique.

“Win over people?” said Ulysis as he raised an eyebrow. “I can care less about winning the fans over with words, as long as they get the message and that is watch me in the ring run through each and every single man they put in front of me and know who the real deal is in professional wrestling!”

“Listen, that is lovely...but I actually wanted to ask you something, Ulysis…something I haven’t asked in a long time…”

“You want a divorce. I already know you want it, and though I don’t want to sign the damn papers…”

“Actually…I want to go on a night out on the town…with you…”

Ulysis Solian took a double take as he quickly snapped his confused gaze at Mystique.

“Say what?”

The scene then cut to a montage of highlights, both in the ring and out, of Ulysis Solian from Legacy of Champions with an instrumental version of “Smack My ***** Up” by The Prodigy playing in the background. The typical flashy graphics with soundbites from a few of Solian’s interviews which ended with fans chanting “SOLIAN! SOLIAN! SOLIAN!” followed by Ulysis yelling in another soundbite, “STOP OR I’LL SHOOT!” After this, the logo of the show appeared for about five seconds:


Camera faded back in to a shocked Ulysis Solian after his wife basically asked him out.

“Okay, back up for a moment. Did…did I just hear you…ask me…”[/i]

“Look, Ulysis, we can fight about the problems we are having during a very important time in your career or we can discuss and solve our problems like two civilized adults over a quaint and lovely dinner. Which would you prefer?”

The Prodigal Son paused a few moments before he gave his response.

“What time do you want me to pick you up?”

Thursday, May 3, 2007
9:03PM EST
Las Vegas, Nevada

Camera faded in to the lobby of Yorilove.com Palace of Dildos Casino and Hotel. The camera showed Mystique Darkheart, dressed in a sexy, black Spanish dress with violets all over it, near the telephones where, instead of having a private conversation with one of them, she was using her own personal cell phone.

“I have it all planned. I keep him charmed for the remainder of this tournament and then it is business as usual.”

“He is smart, but he will not suspect a thing.”

“I understand your skepticism, sir, but you will have to trust me in order for everyone to get what they want.”

“Okay, he is coming. I will talk to you later, sir. Text message me if it is an emergency.”

Mystique closed her phone and as she turned around, she looked baffled as to what appeared in front of her.

“I do hope I am not late, Celeste…”

“N…no…not at all…”

A hand extended toward Mystique as the camera turned around and revealed it to be Ulysis Solian…only he wasn’t dressed in his usual garb and instead, was in a black suit and tie…wearing a matching trench coat and Fedora.

“Shall we go then? Surprisingly, to say the least, there is a lovely bistro in this wretched hotel that I thought would be to both our likings…”

“Y…y…yes, Ulysis.”

The camera faded out on the couple heading out of the lobby, only to fade into a bistro located in the hotel. Shown sitting at a table were Solian and Darkheart as they were enjoying their meal and conversation.

“So, are you nervous about being in the Finals?”

“Not at all. No matter which way you view it, it is a wrestling match at heart. Though to be rather honest, it is not a match to be taken lightly as the competitor I am facing is not one to be taken lightly as well.”

“I noticed some erroneous flaws in Mr. Ryan’s previous statement and…”

“Oh, I already know what they are.”

“Oh…well, if you wish, I can search my database on information pertaining to Mr. Ryan, so it can help you prepare better against…”

Ulysis Solian rose from his chair and tossed a napkin that was on his lap onto the table. He then extended his hand toward Mystique Darkheart and looked down upon her.

“Enough with talk about wrestling. Come.”

“You mean…?”


Without hesitation, Mystique placed her delicate hand on Ulysis’s and he escorted her to the dance floor. Once they reached the center, Ulysis nodded his head to the DJ that was stationed up above. Instantaneously, “Beautiful Liar (Instrumental)” started to play as trumpets and an Indian flute began to start the song. Then, when the salsa beat kicked in, Ulysis took the lead and both he and Mystique began to tear it up on the dance floor. The couple were in sync with one another, as if they have never missed a step. Some of the other dinner guests were clapping and engrossed in the mesmerizing footwork of Ulysis and Mystique. When the music ended, Solian had Darkheart dipped low, only to have brought her back up, where they stared longingly into one another’s eyes.

The camera faded to the couple walking outside in the gardens as Mystique had Ulysis’s trench coat around her. Ulysis had his Fedora lowered as to hide his eyes.

“I must say…you still have it…” said Mystique as she smiled at Ulysis.

“Contrary to what you believe these days, Celeste, if there is one thing I never stopped being, it was your significant other.”

As Mystique threw herself at her husband, her cell phone flew out of her purse and onto the ground. A ringtone sounded from the phone to which Ulysis bent over to pick up after he caught his wife.

“What is this…” inquired Ulysis

“Oh, that’s really nothing…”

But it was too late.

Ulysis opened the phone and saw a text message from Daniel Pierce, owner and CEO of Legacy of Champions.

“’How is it going? Is the plan going along smoothly?’”

Ulysis looked at Mystique, whose eyes had the glow of fear about them.

“Yes, Celeste…is the plan going along smoothly? Are you going to tell me that this…all of this was just a plan to...do what exactly?”

“Ulysis, I can explain…”

“Ah…I get it now. This whole night was devised to keep me in check, to make sure that my spirits are high so that I could not make a buffoon out of myself and a mockery of LoC and anyone else involved…”

“Should I continue?”

“Look! At first it was a plan, but after tonight, with what I am seeing, I…I…”

“No need to make excuses, Celeste…”

Ulysis Solian took off his Fedora and placed it on Mystique Darkheart’s head. He then began to take off his coat and loosened his tie. He placed the tie on top of the Fedora before he ripped the suspenders off his pants. He then pulled his collared shirt from out of his pants, opened up the shirt and popped the collar. He took the ponytail out from his hair and shook his head to and fro. Ulysis reached in the inside pocket of the trench coat around Mystique and pulled out a pack of cloves and a lighter. He took one clove out of the book and flicked the wick of the Zippo, lighting up. He looked down and gazed right into Mystique eyes.

“I guess we were both guilty of lying to each other…”

The Prodigal Son stormed off right after he placed the cell phone in Mystique’s hand. LoC’s Head of Talent Relations looked at the cell phone in her hand and with disgust, threw it down on the ground.

The camera then faded to a close-up shot of Ulysis Solian, doing what he does best.

“So, sobrino, how was…”

“Don’t ask.”

“You know…what happened to me the other night kind of reminds me of what’s happening right now with me in the Finals in this tournament and specifically Dan Ryan’s words.”

“I’m sorry, but I don’t follow…”

“If you listened to Dan Ryan’s words closely and intently, you’d noticed a few fatal flaws in his ‘argument’ against me.’”

“First of all, you noticed how I before stated my credentials on why I am in the Finals in the first place and what did Dan Ryan do? Shoot them down and play them off as nothing because as he puts it, in the end, we’re beyond pulling rank upon one another. And guess what? I totally agree with him one hundred percent.”

“Except he then went on talking about how he too have had his share of failures and how he single-handedly turned EPW around as owner, giving examples of what he does with the day-to-day dealings and so on. Not to mention he goes to great length trying to defend what he does as if…I insulted him.”

“Now, why would a man who is so secure and sure of himself have to explain himself to me? I thought we weren’t going to pull rank. I thought we were above these petty penis measuring contests. It’s not like he’d win that anyway considering Lindsay Troy’s got him beat by several inches.”

“Nevertheless, I just find it funny how a guy who thinks he has the right to compare me to some f***wit that no one is even talking about is acting just like Rocko Daymon and to some extent Simply Beautiful. How you ask? Notice how he downplays what I say and tries to make himself holier than thou. He’s going on and on as if he’s the only one to bust his ass and how he’s the only one to work hard all these years to get his recognition. Oh, and the funny part? It’s my fault that I’m not getting the same recognition as he is.”

“But he is right…this isn’t about who can say the same thing in a new way, because if you look at it, he’s been doing a more bang-up job than I in that regard. This is about who makes the first mistake, right?”

“Except that mistake was already made by Mr. Ryan when he decided to pass judgment upon me already as if he’s the authority on what makes a wrestler and what makes a wrestler respected in this sport. I’ve always said I was respected by the fans. It’s my peers I was never recognized as such because quite frankly...they fear uniqueness. It’s why you can’t really differentiate between someone like Dan Ryan and Kodiak Vic Creed…or Rocko Daymon…or Lindsay Troy…or Adam Benjamin…or Jean Rabesque…and the list goes on and on…and on…”

“Look, this is all completely pointless. You know this, I know this, all the fans out there watching know this. We know how this is going to play out…or how it should play out…”

“I’m supposed to attack Dan Ryan and discredit him, then he comes on television and starts his rebuttal, telling me that I suck or that it’s my fault this and that is happening, then he goes on in an inane ramble about how he clawed and scraped his way to the top of this sport, telling me to prepare and train for him, as if I wasn’t doing that already…”

“And then the process repeats itself until the match happens. But what happens next? We get in the ring and we beat the living s*** out of each other. And what does that signify? That our words have meant completely nothing in the long run. He wins, people aren’t surprised because it’s what they expected. I win, people are surprised, and more and more people start recognizing me.”

“Unfortunately for Danny, he already made that first mistake in trying to downplay me in the present, assuming that I am who I once was in the past, while making himself better than anyone else, especially talking about s*** that has no relevance to this match.”

“I’m tired of the same rhetorical bull**** that has been going on and on in this tournament, at least in regards to me and the wrestlers I had to face. If Dan Ryan wants to read into whatever I’m saying and interpret it to add fuel to his already raging fire, then he can go right ahead and help himself to it.”

“Me? I’m calm as I can be. I’m fully prepared and ready for this match and continue to do so…no matter if I know how the match is going to end…with me getting the deuce. Dan Ryan can downplay it, he can fight it...and fight valiantly he will…”

“It will be all for naught.”

“I just hope, for his own sake, Danny doesn’t twist my words around again, because I’m not going to go on and on about myself like he’s doing. People know my credentials. They’ve seen me in the ring. I don’t need to play myself up to be something huge and something awesome because I’m already huge and awesome.”

“I’ll just leave you on this final note:

Dan Ryan can try to bust my ego as much as he wants…”

“But with the s*** he’s spewing, backpedaling and trying so desperately to play this ‘Anything you can do I can do better’ game, it’s only goes to show that ultimately, in the end, like I’ve done to my previous opponents in this tournament…”

“My words only end up bruising his…”

05-08-07, 11:12 AM
"Where do they teach you to talk like this? In some Panama City "Sailor wanna hump-hump" bar, or is it getaway day and your last shot at his whiskey? Sell crazy someplace else, we're all stocked up here." - Jack Nicholson, As Good As It Gets

FADE IN......

The Bellagio Hotel and Casino, specifically Bobby's Room - The Big Game in a very private VIP area of the Casino. Various luminaries in the executive world are nearby at the main table playing poker, bids going as high as $100,000 a hand. On a raised platform Dan Ryan sits on a long leather couch, roped off from others nearby in the darkened area of the room reserved for spectators willing to fork over the high priced entrance fee. Ryan sips a bottled water and leans to the side, able to speak to the camera pointed at him by a camera man on the other end of the couch. The view is from the side and to the left of the shot we see the poker game continue.

Ryan: "Wow Ulysis, I guess somebody saw Spiderman 3 over the weekend eh? I must say, when I found out we'd be having this wrestling match I never expected to be shown a sequence of Columbo meets Dancing With The Stars meets Alien Symbiote Spiderman, but the cheesy effect of it all I have to say....it's you. It's really you. Nice moves. Next week we do the Rumba."

"It definitely beats the logical circles in which you speak, which pretty well expose you as someone who doesn't belong here. It's a good thing you're a capable ring technician, Ulysis. Maybe you forgot your Parkinson's Medicine, I dunno. I'm detecting a shake in your alterior extremities."

"Ulysis, how does it work? I made the fatal flaw, so I need your guidance. When you accuse me of only wanting money, power and respect and I rebut with actual fact, how is one to respond? Hmm? If you're wrong, and I rebut your claims with cited examples that are easily verifiable does that mean I was insulted? No Ulysis. It means you were wrong, and I corrected you. You've been corrected on your assumptions and nothing more. That's not pulling rank, sir. I'm not sure you even know what pulling rank means, if that's what you call pulling rank. Pulling rank would mean me saying I'm gonna win this match because I've done this....or this....or that...or this and that, etc. What I did was correct an assumption that you made, because you didn't know what you were talking about. That's not insulting. That's just you being dumb."

"As a matter of fact, feel free to back up any of what you're saying or accusing me of with actual....you know....cited examples. Not the ones you make up in your mind or the ones you came up with while in your fedora and trenchcoat masquerading as Dixon Hill on the holodeck, but actual true examples. You have none. Would you like to know why? (Of course you do) Because it was you, Ulysis who made the claims of tournament wins and championships you've won and your manifest destiny and how can I stop you and what if I can't beat you and so on and so on and so on. I responded to questions about specific characteristics that you claim I have. You don't know me though, Ulysis. Not one bit. So I corrected you. Who's doing the d*ck measuring?"

"I'm not shooting down your chances of winning the match. Like I said, you're a good wrestler and I said originally that you'd be as known as I am over here if you had stuck around. But you made your choice and so did I. I'm not apologizing for it, and I'm really not sure why that statement should bother you. You're famous where you are, I'm famous here. The fans like you, whoop-de-doo. Who the hell do you think has been cheering me on to all of my successes over the years, Ulysis? It ain't the boys in the back lining up to buy tickets to see me in the main event. They get to see it for free. This is the second time you've expressed your popularity with the fans and your lack of such from your peers. It's clearly a sticking point for you, so good luck to you on that. I don't even care. If you're upset that I have respect from both? I care even less about that. That seems like your problem to me. I'm not interested in working out your hang-ups in the wrestling ring."

"I also never said I was the only one to bust my ass in and out of the ring, though if you believe I did I'd love to see the proof to back it up. I simply said I bust my ass, Ulysis. Are you so non-ego formed that you can't handle someone saying they bust their ass for a business they love without taking it as a personal affront? I swear you get offended like a woman. Maybe some St. John's Wort would do you some good."

"You take this all as me trying to downplay you, when all I'm doing is discussing the points you brought up in the first place. Did you want to have a discussion or were you just speaking to hear yourself talk? Am I allowed to comment or would that signify 'rhetorical bulls**t' to you? If I say something that sounds intelligent, does that mean I'm condescending just because you seem to be personally challenged by not having anything similarly thoughtful to say in retort? Or does it just mean I'm smarter than you? See, these are the true rhetorical bulls**t questions, Ulysis. There are the questions that don't really matter, but you've put them into play anyway because you have absolutely nothing meaningful to say. So we might as well keep up appearances and go back to basics, eh?"

"I'm gonna win."

"Dan win. Ulysis suxes."

"I'm better. You've never seen anything like me!!"

Suddenly off screen someone screams out two of the most frightening words ever.....


Suddenly a disco ball begins to spin and all of the patrons in the room, sans Dan Ryan begin dancing. The dealer at the poker table leaps up onto the table and immediately segues into some sort of sleek Josephine Baker/Shaft 3 type movements as generic techno blasts through the speakers.

Ryan sits and stares, his mouth agape for a moment, then regains his composure....

Ryan: "Hey, cut that out!!!"

No one moves, as the techno drowns out the voice...

So he gets up, and gets louder....

Ryan: "I SAID CUT THAT S**T OUT!!!!"

Immediately everyone stops in place. They stare at Ryan for about two seconds, then return to their places, continuing their games/spectating as though it never happened.....

Ryan: "...the hell?"

"Where was I?"

"Oh yes."

"No more bulls**t, so there's nothin' left to do but the actual match eh Ulysis? But no more rhetoric from me, since you've outlawed it - you know, right before you guaranteed you'd win the match. Boy, if your logic went around in circles any faster it'd make the Greensburg tornado look like bathwater swirling down the drain."

"But it's okay, Ulysis. You da bomb, man! You rock and all that. Like you said, everyone already knows your credentials. You're the badass. That, and you reminded us about three times. Unfortunately, we're only just now realizing how dumb you are. But for the credentials and all that? I'm actually not gonna talk about mine. Look it up yourself."


"Anytime you have something to say that you can....you know....actually back up...you come see me. Until then, have fun at the dildo palace. I'll be here doing all that rhetorical training I was talking about, and all that actual training that super smart guy Ulysis 'of course I was really gonna train anyway dummy, you is dumb you whore stupid poopy pants, i caught you in a dumb statement (naughty naughty!!)' Solian has been doing."

"Other than that, I'm preparing for my victory dinner. Not too worried about winning or losing this thing, although I plan on winning. I figure if I just throw something shiny on the mat it'll distract you long enough for me to get the pin. Besides, what would I worry about? Suicide is painless."

"Didn't you ever watch MASH?"

Ryan grins as we......


05-08-07, 11:13 AM
bump this reply up

05-08-07, 02:49 PM
"The following contains material unsuitable for younger viewers, in which case you should feed them their milk and cookies, read them their bedtime stories, and then put their asses to bed. Also, the following people involved were used on camera with permission. See them if you have a problem. Viewer discretion is advised, however, if you don't view this, you're probably robbing yourself of a masterpiece. I'm just sayin'..."

Sunday, May 6, 2007
7:14 AM EST
Las Vegas, Nevada

The camera faded in to an outside shot of Yorilove.com Palace of Dildos Casino and Hotel. The camera then faded into the bedroom of the suite that The Prodigal Son of Wrestling, Ulysis Solian. He was shown sleeping in his bed until his uncle, Emanuel Gonzago, barged right in and stared to yell at his nephew.

“What in the hell are you doing still sleeping, sobrino?! You were supposed to be up two hours ago in the gym training and preparing for your match against Dan Ryan!”

As Emanuel turned on the lights, Ulysis’s gut reflexes took a bottle of rum in hand and threw it right at his uncle. The bottle connected with Gonzago’s head, to which afterward he dropped like a sack of potatoes. Wrestling’s Guiltiest Pleasure then stood up from his bed, walked over in his half-sleep state, and turned off the lights. He then made his way right back to bed, pulled to covers over himself, and went back to sleep.

“F***ing wake me up at seven in the morning…” mumbled Ulysis in his sleep.

The scene then cut to a montage of highlights, both in the ring and out, of Ulysis Solian from Legacy of Champions with an instrumental version of “Smack My ***** Up” by The Prodigy playing in the background. The typical flashy graphics with soundbites from a few of Solian’s interviews which ended with fans chanting “SOLIAN! SOLIAN! SOLIAN!” followed by Ulysis yelling in another soundbite, “STOP OR I’LL SHOOT!” After this, the logo of the show appeared for about five seconds:


Sunday, May 6, 2007
4:32 PM EST
Las Vegas, Nevada

The camera faded in to balcony of the hotel suite Ulysis Solian was staying in at Yorilove.com Palace of Dildos Casino and Hotel. He sat in a lounge chair as he looked to be calming himself with pair of Chinese balls in hand. Ulysis stared straight into nothingness as the camera zoomed back, which revealed his uncle, Emanuel Gonzago, sat in a lounge chair next to him with an ice pack on the right side of his head.

“So…Ulysis…something’s on your mind?” asked Emanuel.

“I don’t get it…”

“What is it that you don’t get exactly?”



“As in people who are close to me. Why do they feel compelled to lie to my face and behind my back? I just find it funny that I’ve been nothing but honest to them and they feel the need to pretend to be someone their not.”

“Like for example?”

Ulysis turned to Emanuel with a blank expression on his face.

“Let’s take you for example. You’ve been with me this entire tournament and you’ve done nothing but doubt me, even going as so far as to bet against me when I was facing the Fortune Cookie Dildo Man…whatever his name is…”

“Yori Yak…”

“Whatever. That’s not the point. Then I have my best friends doubting I’m even going to win this tournament. Oh, but that’s not the best one yet! We then have my wife, in cahoots with Pierce, trying to find a way to calm me, as if in some miraculous way I’m supposed to be…Suicide…”

“Though you know…I do try to laugh at it all. It’s just hard to do when you have someone like Dan Ryan whining like a b**** all the time, making assumptions about s*** that just aren’t there.”

“I know this match is wracking your nerves…”

“That’s just it, Manny…I’m perfectly calm. I don’t understand the double standards that go on though. People think I’m pissed off all the time, but I’m calm as calm can be. Yet when I call them on their bull****….’No! No! No! You’re wrong, Ulysis! Totally wrong!’”

“Maybe I should tell you later that we’ve got Dan Ryan’s latest…”

“Fine, fine…let’s get it over with. We’ve only got a couple more days before the match is on. Let’s see what this inflated penis has to say…”

The camera faded to inside the living room where Emanuel Gonzago and Ulysis Solian were watching the television, mainly Dan Ryan’s latest promo. Suddenly, when it was over, Ulysis Solian let out a few chuckles…before he fell to the ground laughing controllably.

“Oh my Dios…sobrino! You okay?!”

The camera then faded to a close-up shot of Ulysis Solian, yet again on a stool, only this time, he was where we last left him…laughing his ass off.


“We can do this another time if you like…”

“No! Hehe….let’s do it.”

“So I take it you heard what Dan Ryan…”

“I didn’t hear…I listened and what I listened to is exactly what I said he was going to go on about like a blithering idiot.”

“You mean about how Dan Ryan is going to keep this charade going by discredit what you said…”

“Look. The guy is the man. I can’t deny that, you can’t deny that, the whole world can’t deny that. When he speaks, it’s prophetic. We’re all supposed to bow down to the great Dan Ryan and follow his teachings and guidance. People are going to look back at the words he and I have spoken and because he says it, everyone will take it as gospel. Meanwhile…my words? They are just empty because I’m, as he so eloquently puts it, am an idiot. I mean, here I am sitting here rambling on, not knowing what the hell I’m speaking about because it’s all nonsense.”

“But when Dan Ryan rambles on with complete nonsense? It has true meaning that could help spread peace throughout this great Earth of ours and end world hunger. Hell, it could probably re-enforce the Nuclear Non-Proliferation Act of 1978 and this whole world can be one big, shiny, happy place…”

“Except I’m not one of those mindless troglodytes that nod their head in unison to Dan Ryan’s crap.”

“The guy is paranoid. Look at him as he goes on and on incoherently!”

“Spiderman 3? Was that even on during the time I was out with my wife, that lying b****? Manny, who plays Spiderman again?”

“I believe it’s the brilliant actor Tobey Maguire, sobrino.”

“’Brilliant’?! Did you just call that robot of an actor ‘brilliant’? He’s as ‘brilliant’ of an actor as Dan Ryan is as a talker.”

“Back to the matter of hand, the point being is the guy is trying to over-analyze s*** when the facts were already there. Dan Ryan just expects me to talk highly about myself, only I’m supposed to back it up. Haven’t I backed up what I said already so far in this tournament? Did I not say I was going to beat Simply Beautiful, Larry Tact, Yori Yakamo Jr, Rocko Daymon, and Shawn Hart?”

“Oh wait…he’s talking about what I’m saying about him.”

“How can I prove that Dan Ryan is a sham, a paranoid f***** who is trying to dumb down this ‘discussion’ so he can understand it…when he’s already proving me right all by himself? I’m like one of those nature show hosts who goes on and tells everyone, ‘Look how the big dumb animal, Dan Ryan, runs his mouth and ends up making himself look more like a fool, because the other wrestlers he’s faced in this tournament were, luckily for him, dumber than he was’. I’m trying to do everyone a service by warning them this is what Dan Ryan does best. Sure the man can wrestle; I’ve never discredited him or his work ethic. I’m just discrediting how he’s discrediting me.”

“The funniest part about all this, despite the one-man comedy act he’s putting on, which is pretty f***ing funny in its own right, is the little witty, sardonic ‘Suicide’ statements as if he was the very first one to do it. What’s even more funnier is the fact I’m supposed to get agitated by it.”

“Yeah, the first few times, it pissed me off. Then the next few times, it just started to get annoying. Now? It’s just plain sad. Talk about a man who is trying to egg me on to bring my past up, as if the past has anything to do with the present and future, which is me winning this match as who I truly am. It just reeks of desperation on his part and I feel for the guy. Dan Ryan needs all the help he can get to get the psychological edge on me, but the truth is, if I’m as retarded as he’s claiming I am, how would any of the mindf***ing he’s attempt actually f*** with my mind?”

“Now, I never claimed to be the sharpest tool in the shed, but it doesn’t take rocket scientist to know Dan Ryan is grasping for straws.”

“But sadly, I know what’s going to come next. He’s just going to continue this charade of his until he’s completely satisfied of his genius. And you know what?”

“I won’t begrudge the guy. I’ll let the guy mock me like the rest have done in this tournament, then when he loses, he can go back home, rest his head in Lindsay Troy’s lap while he massages her testicles as she comforts him, whispering into his ear telling him, ‘It’s going to be okay.’. Meanwhile, I’ll hit a pub with Irishred talking about how we made Dan Ryan our b**** in the ring, before I realize he lost his Heavyweight Title to him and backhand him like the ***** he is. Then I’m going to go on a cross-country tour with the Merritt Cup, drinking all types of exotic beers before I expel them into it.”

“To end this, if I may, Manny?” asked Solian as he pointed to the camera.

“Be my guest…” replied Gonzago.

The Prodigal Son turned to the camera and smiled.

“Mr. Ryan, I felt I needed to address this last little tidbit to you in the hope that maybe…just maybe…you’ll believe me.”

“Anything and everything you have said up until this point or will do so after this has not been taken personally by me. I know with the way my personality is it’s hard for you to decipher what I display is emotional or not. I am emotional, nay, passionate for and of this sport. I live, breath, and bleed this sport. That is not to say you don’t either, because I know you do. It’s why you’re one of the best and I’ve never claimed you weren’t.”

“But you have to understand, your insults aren’t taken personally at all. It’s all ‘part of the business’, right? I know, deep down, in the back of your head, you want to pat yourself on the back for a job well done, but truthfully, it’s not working. Learn from the mistakes made by the people who came before you in this tournament and hopefully, just hopefully, you’ll take me seriously.”

“Despite your arrogance and stupidity…I know I’m in for the match of my life. I know you’re going to beat the living s*** out of me from pillar to post, making sure that I can never overcome your awesome might and that you will be the one to hoist the Merritt cup in the air when it’s all said and done.”

“Unfortunately, I’m very determined that isn’t going to happen. You may want it bad, Dan, but I want it worse. While you believe that it’s about the respect I’m after, it’s more to it than that. It’s about my self worth. It’s about being at equal to you and everyone else people claim to be the best – legends of this great sport of ours.”

“However, after your ‘kind’ words, I’ve come to realize…I don’t want to be equal to you. I want to be better and I’m going to show the entire wrestling world just how much better I am than you. You want me to back up my words? It won’t be with more words, like you’re teaching me, because as you already know…”

Ulysis Solian lifted up his fists.

“…you prove your words with this. I’ve done just that. You’ve seen it, the fans have seen it, the entire world have seen it. I just need to prove my words one…final…time.”

“Spare me your continued ramblings with the false premonition that you’ve already defeated me. All you need to do is come to the ring…and prove me wrong. If you can do that, I’ll be a man and shake your hand, acknowledging that you were the better man…on that given day.”

“But if I win? If I defy all the odds against me and prove everyone wrong yet again? Hopefully you can swallow your pride and shake mine.”

“I expect you to downplay everything I’ve said yet again. Just don’t disappoint me when I expect you to bring your A-game.”

Ulysis Solian leans back and lights up a clove.

05-09-07, 03:10 PM
"The camera fades to inside the living room where Emanuel Gonzago and Ulysis Solian were watching the television, mainly Dan Ryan’s latest promo. Suddenly, when it was over, Ulysis Solian let out a few chuckles…before he fell to the ground laughing controllably."

FADE IN.....

Dan Ryan sits behind a large mahogany desk, specially requested for his suite in the Bellagio, tapping his pen on the surface of the desk and looking concerned. Ryan leans forward, puts the pen down and leans forward with his elbows on the desk in front of him and starts in a hushed tone.

Ryan: "Ulysis, you're losing focus. I'm concerned about you."

"I don't know when it happened. It may have been during that bout of laughing controllably in that last segment, which is really the only way I can describe the physical motion you made. I know you watched my promo, then I don't know what happened. You started chuckling, but then you cinched up like William Shatner having a seizure and just tilted stiffly over on the floor guffawing like a hyena. It was the weirdest thing I ever saw in my entire life - and this is coming from a man who writes paychecks to Beau Michaels."

"I don't know. Maybe that was where it happened, but somewhere along the line you went from a guy who could at least construct proper sentences verbally, if not make much sense doing it, to a guy who has inspired - if these pieces are reaching enough people - a public speaking coach and an English professor somewhere to simultaneously break into tears and console each other, while causing speech therapists everywhere to rush to the phone like Lindsay Lohan to a 'two bags of cocaine for the price of one' sale with visions of dollar signs flashing above their heads in one of those little cartoon dialogue bubbles."

"But that's okay. This isn't a spelling or grammar bee (thank God), so we won't dwell on that. I've become pretty good at deciphering gibberish from my opponents anyway so we're all good. I have wrestled Adam Benjamin four or five times after all."

"You're losing your way, Ulysis. I know I asked you to guide me, and I willingly did exactly what it was you wanted me to do and yet you mock. There's a hole in my heart that can only be filled by you, Solian. You're not completing me like you promised. I thought you wanted cheap rhetoric and baseline insults and now...... you're laughing at me. And not even with me, either. At me."

"Bad form, man. Bad form."

"I'm sorry for calling you an idiot, Ulysis. See, it's a common mistake I make. You're probably not an idiot. You're just not as smart as I am, and that's okay. That doesn't make you an idiot. I need to check myself, seriously. Patronizing people is a skill I've had a hard time learning over the years. Of all the skills I've mastered, that one has lagged behind. You'll have to teach me that one, too - along with proper match promotion. But no trickery, Ulysis. Don't do like last time and tease something, then turn around and laugh at me when I come through. Don't make be get the paddle, young man. You're too old for a time out."

"And you still don't understand me at all, Ulysis. That probably isn't ever gonna happen. You have your preconceptions and you've clung to them, and I guess it's a waste of time to ever prove otherwise. Logic and fact seem to be things that bounce off of you like a bullet off of Superman's eyeball. I've yet to find the Kryptonite to your superhuman ability to ignore anything true and cling to what you want to believe. Rats for me. Where's Lex Luthor when you need him? It's just that....spreading peace in the world and working to end world hunger was so last year. This year it's the AIDS, you see - something that should be near and dear to your heart (there's a reason why your wife coughs so much)....and never mistake my words for having any intention of reinforcing the Nuclear Nonproliferation Treaty. I've always been one to happily endorse the dropping of a bomb or two. Dripping skin.....yummy."

"If you actually were one of those troglodytes that nod their head to everything I say....and by the way, I'm getting sick of em...always on my lawn, pitching their tents, making mudpies, but I digress......you would be in a better place. <s>My voice can't exactly part the Red Sea like Moses, but it could teach you a thing or two about not sounding like a Special Education student in your promotional work.</s>"

"WAIT! I said we weren't gonna talk about your grammar! Strike that last bit!"

"As for your 'Spidey goes Disco' dance number, I wish you hadn't brought that up again. I'd almost completely erased it from my memory. But hell, I dunno. Maybe it was just a coincidence. I saw the film last week overseas working for New Frontier, I just figured you must've been just as lucky. Or maybe you're just not a fan. Either way, that dance bit was smokin' Ulysis. Hang your hat on that one. If it wasn't Spiderman, it may have been Ricardo Montalban in The Naked Gun or a number from the musical version of Goodfellas. Either way, it was bad. Bad bad bad. You're probably gonna get voted off the show for that one."

"I like though how totally awesome you are for all the guys you beat on your way to this spot in the tournament, but the prevailing theory for you is that all the people I beat just happened to suck more than me, or were dumber than me, or whatever. You didn't win a one on six handicap match, Ulysis. Settle down. You got by your people, but it's your ego that keeps whispering in your ear and forcing you to make these bold stroke statements, not me. I have always, from moment number one continued only to rebut your arguments, stupid as they are ....and continue to state simple truths and nuggets of wisdom for you to digest. You kick it all aside, and that's fine with me. We'll still just be the two great wrestlers going to war and doing....whatever....and one will win and one will lose."

"It's all so simple in the end, isn't it?"

"Don't take it the wrong way. I'm just discrediting how you're discrediting how I'm discrediting you. You're a discredit to discrediting."

"Wanna wrestle?"

Ryan mock shadow boxes, then smiles and leans back....

"Dropping little references to your past as Suicide when we both know it pisses you off and in fact you've gone ballistic and destroyed whatever was around you when referred to as Suicide....that's not sad, Ulysis. Children killed in war is just plain sad. People living on the streets with no hope of a better future...is just plain sad. Beast's haircut...is just plain sad. What I'm doing is taking little digs at you. And hell, even if it didn't annoy you - which it does - it amuses me, and really what else truly matters? We already established that all we can do is go to the ring and wrestle the match to settle all of this, so the rest is just window dressing - like that sexy fedora and trenchcoat you sported at Club Solian."

"But hey, my little drops of the word 'Suicide' is no more tiresome than you being the thousandth person to say Lindsay Troy has testicles is it? You're no hypocrite, Ulysis Solian. No sir, not you. And just so you know,for accuracy's sake.... if you're trying to take digs at her because you think there's some sort of romantic relationship there? Wrong Troy, buddy. I married someone else. Lindsay and I, alas are not meant to be. I'll tell her about the testicles bit though. Maybe she'll fall over and laugh controllably."

"I'm also still scratching my head at the one thing you've said all week that has legitimately confused me. I really don't know what Irishred has to do with anything, and I'm quite certain he's never defeated me for any World Title in his lifetime or mine, unless it was on his copy of some video game. Wait, you sly devil you!! This is a trick to get me to talk about my titles and accomplishments, isn't it?? It won't work, sir. Good try though. You're a sneaky bastard, but not sneaky enough. If you wanna go drink with Irishred though, feel free. It has nothing to do with anything, but it may be fun. As a tip to get on his good side, brush up on cow-tipping technique and use the subject of hairy South Dakotan women as an icebreaker....and you're IN THERE!!!"

"If you wanna shake my hand, Ulysis? Far be it from me to be a gentleman. You must know that I hold no personal ill will toward you. I laugh at you, sure. But who this week hasn't? But I'm a sporting sort of guy. I can't be bothered with getting emotionally involved with every loss, so if I should lose this match to you I will happily shake your hand. I do take everyone seriously though, Mr. Solian. Never mistake my jovial demeanor for someone who isn't ready when it's time to do the deed. Like I said originally, this match will not be over something as trivial as that. You should be prepared, as will I. You won't beat me as a result of my not being ready. I won't be bothering myself with learning from the mistakes of the people you defeated though. It'd be more beneficial for them to learn from me, if anything. The mistakes they made, they made when they faced me as well - don't think you're the only one to sweep through the best of the best lately, Ulysis."

"You want it more, right? Well, that says it all doesn't it? If you say it, then so must it be. Or is that really the thing about this week that sums it up properly? How about your declaration that you wanted to be equal to the 'legends' of the sport, but after my words you don't want to be equal anymore, you want to be better than me. You want to prove that pretty badly now don't you, Ulysis? Any lightbulbs going off in your head yet? Choose your words carefully, sport. I couldn't be more in your head if I had a guest room in your cerebrum. I know what I represent to you, just like it always was from the very beginning. I'm the standard bearer and you're the reasonable fascimile."

"Somehow it always goes back to the picture of fake fire."

"You have all to prove and I have nothing to prove. You've said it. I've said it. Only now have your responses and attitude truly proven it true. You want to be what I am. It's okay. Who wouldn't? But if jealousy was what drove you, Ulysis...you should have simply been honest about it from the get-go."

"I'm not downplaying what you're saying, man. It's okay. We just have a different viewpoint on things, and like you say - time to prove it with action and not words. Do you have more bulls**t to shovel my way or are we through with this? I don't know if I can stomach another Suicide note."

"I have nothing but an A-game to bring, Ulysis. Sometimes it's good enough and sometimes it isn't. I guess it's time to go out there and prove it....one more time."

"No more dancing around the issues, eh?

"I'll try not to disappoint you though. I always try to keep my fans happy....."


05-09-07, 03:12 PM
forums = pissing me off


05-10-07, 10:43 PM
"The following contains material unsuitable for younger viewers, in which case you should feed them their milk and cookies, read them their bedtime stories, and then put their asses to bed. Also, the following people involved were used on camera with permission. See them if you have a problem. Viewer discretion is advised, however, if you don't view this, you're probably robbing yourself of a masterpiece. I'm just sayin'..."

Sunday, May 13, 2007
8:32PM EST
Las Vegas, Nevada

The camera faded in to an outside shot of Yorilove.com Palace of Dildos Casino and Hotel before it faded to inside a locker room inside the hotel. The camera made it’s way around lockers until it showed The Prodigal Son of Wrestling, Ulysis Solian, sat on a bench as he was taping up his ankles, preparing for his match tonight against Dan Ryan for the TEAM Invitational Tournament Finals. In front of him, watching on, was his uncle, Emanuel Gonzago.

“Feeling nervous?”


“You ready for tonight?”


“And you’re not concerned as to who you’re facing in the ring?”


An awkward silence fell upon the locker room as Solian started to wrap his other ankle.

“Look, Ulysis…”


Ulysis looked up at his uncle.

“I’m fine. Really, I am.”

“But what about what Dan Ryan said recently…?”

The scene then cut to a montage of highlights, both in the ring and out, of Ulysis Solian from Legacy of Champions with an instrumental version of “Smack My ***** Up” by The Prodigy playing in the background. The typical flashy graphics with soundbites from a few of Solian’s interviews which ended with fans chanting “SOLIAN! SOLIAN! SOLIAN!” followed by Ulysis yelling in another soundbite, “STOP OR I’LL SHOOT!” After this, the logo of the show appeared for about five seconds:


Camera faded back into the locker room where Ulysis Solian stared at his uncle, Emanuel Gonzago, as he started to tape up his right hand.

“Want to know what I think?”

“Here’s how it goes:

You basically have a man who has diluted himself into thinking that no matter what I say is wrong and everything he says he’s right. He’s playing a game where he’s throwing darts at a board and hoping he can hit a bulls-eye if he throws a lot of darts. Unfortunately for him, nothing is sticking because of the fact that everything he’s saying is for his ears only.”

“I’ve said my peace and I’ve stated the truth. I’m sorry if he’s so wrapped up in himself that he has misconstrued some of the things I’ve said. I’ve never claimed that Irishred beat him for a World Title…but he beat him for control of EPW. The only mistake I made was confusing Irishred with James Irish, but does it matter in the long run?”

“You’re probably asking yourself why I am asking such a redundant question and I’ll explain. No matter how much I can speak my mind and be honest with Dan Ryan, no matter how much the answers are true in calling out his true character and his true worth…it will always be wrong in his eyes. I can sit here and tell you Dan Ryan is the A1E World Heavyweight Champion and that he recently, or not, became the WFW North American Champion, and somehow, someway…he’ll say I was wrong and that I’m trying to manipulate him into answering in some way as to get one over on him.”
“Truth is, I’ve already won. Recall what I said earlier about the cycle he wanted to get into with me. He did that. Recall when I said he was going to dispute everything I have said and just ramble on like an idiot because it sounds so good to talk for a real long time. He did just that. So when you take into account all of that, does it really matter what opinion I have in regards to his?”

“Sure, maybe he bought a few more fans with his words and maybe he’s got a legion behind him against my few…is that really going to help him win this match?”

“I know the guy is mocking me and that’s fine. But am I pissed off?”


“Did he end up proving me right all along?”

“Of course he did.”

Just then, a stage hand walked in and motioned to Ulysis.

“Your match is up in ten minutes, Solian.”

Ulysis nodded to the stage hand and stood up.

“Don’t worry about me, Emanuel. I’ll be fine. It’s like I said…I’m pulling out all the stops to win tonight.”

“You don’t…”

Ulysis patted Emanuel on the shoulder and walked out of the locker room. The camera faded to Solian walking backstage, on his way to the entrance stage. He looked into the camera as he walked.

“Dan Ryan, I’m hearing you and I feel you.”

“Unlike you, I’ve never claimed to be the most intelligent man, nor the most well spoken man. I’ve never claimed to be the biggest, or the brightest, or the fastest.”

“But I’ve always claimed to be a man of heart. You obviously lost yours when you were filling it with the bull**** you’ve been spewing over…and over…and over again.”

“Jealousy? Jealous that I’m not some egotistical blowhard who looks in the mirror and tells himself each and every morning that he’s good enough, he’s smart enough, and gosh darn it, people like him? Sorry, I rather be the Special Ed, grammar handicap you’re trying to peg me to be.”

“If this was an essay exam or spelling bee, you would have me beat every single time. But again, last time I checked, this was a wrestling match, not a presidential candidate debate. For a minute, I felt like Mike Gravel while you were Hillary Clinton…not that the comparisons are wrong.”

“When I walk out on that entrance stage in just a few, it won’t matter what was said, because people won’t remember the s*** we were flinging at each other like a couple of monkeys.”

“It will be our actions in that ring.”

“And years from now, when this match is done and over with, you really think people are going to remember me because of what you said? A few years from now, you’ll have a few people standing around the water cooler saying, ‘You know, that Ulysis Solian is one stupid, mean son of a b****…but man would I not be lying if I said he wasn’t one of the greatest wrestlers of all time, the way he beat the living s*** out of Dan Ryan.’”

“Maybe there will be a fan of yours that will respond with, ‘Yeah…don’t remind me. I was the one that had to sit there for hours listening to him talk…and talk…and talk…and talk…about nothing relevant to the match!’”

“…maybe I’m dreaming and maybe it’ll be the truth, nevertheless the point being is this; if you’re looking to piss me off and get me thrown out of my game…you lost once again. Maybe if you actually paid attention rather than hearing what you wanted to hear, you probably would of saved yourself some time with the speeches…and everyone else with the migraines you induced.”

“All I know is when it’s time for me to hit that button, I’m either going to commit career suicide…or I’m going to hold my head up high while you’re left sitting in the locker room wondering what went wrong…and if you paid attention, I had already told you what you did wrong beforehand.”

“I will thank you for one thing though; you did prove to me wrong in one respect.”

“I don’t need your respect nor that of our peers. Just you laying down on your back like the b**** you are for three seconds will suffice. I’ve earned enough respect from my fans. I guess all along that’s who I was doing it for. And from the sound of it…”

The fans in attendance were chanting “SOLIAN! SOLIAN! SOLIAN!” as well as “RYAN! RYAN! RYAN!”

“It looks like they’re demanding our presence.”

Ulysis Solian looked behind him toward the camera and punched a button. He then smirked and paused for a brief moment.

“Looks like it’s time for me to commit….”

Just at that moment, “The Pot” by Tool blasted through the sound system and the camera faded out on Ulysis Solian, The Prodigal Son, Wrestling’s Guiltiest Pleasure…taking a stroll to the unknown…