View Full Version : MEXICO CITY REGIONAL FINAL: [1] Dan Ryan vs. [11] The Canadian Loonie

04-01-07, 04:32 PM
RYAN defeated:
Rob Franklin
Hoyt Williams

LOONIE defeated:
Sean Stevens
Joe Retro
Karl Brown

Match to take place at the Palacio de los Deportes in Mexico City, Mexico. RP deadline is Sunday, April 8th, 11:59:59 PM EDT, give or take a second.

04-02-07, 05:43 PM
Loonie paces while Fou checks his e-mail on his laptop. After a few seconds, Fou notices the camera and approaches Loonie.

Fou: Loonie, we have to do this. You promised me that we would.

Loonie moans and continues pacing.

Fou: Loonie, you lost a lot of fan support during the first two rounds of this tournament...partly because of bad moves that we made. With your shocking victory over Karl Brown, that support has returned. Our inboxes are flooded with e-mails, several bags of mail have been delivered over the past couple of days...your fans are back and you owe it to them to thank them in a nice way. Remember what you told me...if you were able to regain your fan support, you'd publicly respond to the fans' e-mails and letters. Now is the time to do it. The camera is already rolling. Lets begin.

Fou opens an envelope and takes the letter out, but before he can read it, Loonie snatches it from him.

Loonie: I just can't let it go. It keeps occupying my mind and the more that I think about it, the more upset I become.

Fou: What is it, Loonie?

Loonie stops pacing, then silently shakes his head.

Fou: Did it bother you when Steve Murray said that you're a Cinderella story? If that's it, I don't consider that to be a big deal. Steve doesn't think that you resemble Hilary Duff or that you'd dance with a prince...although, you did dance with your former interviewer, Fred E. Prints Jr., several years ago.

Loonie looks directly into Fou's eyes.

Loonie: I told you before...it was a costume party and I thought that he was someone else. Do not mention it again...and my anger has nothing to do with Steve Murray.

Fou: Well, is it the VH1 thing?

Loonie turns away and doesn't make a sound.

Fou: Just because you've been invited to appear on The Surreal Life, it does not mean that you're over the hill or refusing to accept that your 15 minutes of fame expired long ago.

Loonie looks back at Fou.

Loonie: Tell those suits at VH1 to send the invitation to Lady Rebellion...if they can find her. They should try checking prisons and rehab centers first.

Fou: So that's why you're unhappy?

Loonie: No.

Fou: Is it because of the newspaper article that compared you to Sanjaya?

Loonie: No.

Fou: Because of the woman in the hotel lobby that mistakenly referred to me as your son? Loonie, that woman is half blind, at least 75 years old and had a t-shirt that said I Love Dan Ryan. Doesn't the shirt alone put her mental state in question?

Loonie: That's not the reason...and I'm not discussing it anymore.

Loonie exists the room and slams the door behind him. Fou stares at the door briefly, then glances back at the camera.

Fou: Looks like the e-mails and letters are going to have to wait. There's a bigger situation to deal with right now. Who or what is possessing Loonie's mind? I'll be back with updates as I investigate this story.

The screen fades to black...

04-04-07, 02:50 PM

The ancient city of Teotihuacan, less than an hour from Mexico City. The sun beats down overhead, as Dan Ryan walks slowly down the Calles De Los Muertos toward the Pyramid of the Moon. There are tourists milling about, sparse on this day but occasionally seen in the distance on one of the two pyramids snapping pictures or simply taking in the view.

Ryan bypasses the Pyramid of the Sun, explained to him by the visitors center attendant as having the less strenuous climb and heads directly North down the avenue, arriving at the base of the forward tier structure of the smaller Pyramid of the Moon. He looks up, seeing the steps, some as tall as three and a half feet each step and begins his climb - the stress of the climb audible throughout his speech...

Ryan: "So Loonie - have you ever wondered why some of us fly under the radar and why some of us seem to be on the lips of everyone no matter what they do? Inevitably there are those who unexpectedly lurch forward into supposed greatness while others seem destined for it from the very beginning."

"You've managed a string of impressive underdog victories thus far. On the other hand, I've turned back some underdog attempts at victories in my own journey through the tournament."

"And so - here we are."

"It's been a long time since anyone could ever say that I was not expected to excel. Indeed, if I'm to lose - ever - it seems like a disappointment to people who follow my career. I'm expected to be the best, the most dominant, the most likely to impose his will on the proceedings."

"And - I usually am."

"But I never fly under the radar. No, I generally make a beeline for the toughest road possible and overcome it. I race to the most difficult mountain available...." (Ryan pauses and looks up the steps on his way to the top of the pyramid) "..and I climb it."

"I've faced my share of comedians masquerading as wrestlers in my time. It seems everywhere I go there's someone whose inability to make a name for themselves by sheer force of talent alone is masked by an overdeveloped need to entertain with funny skits and cute TV bits. In fact, I've faced more than my share lately. But the farther I go in this tournament, the more talented I expect my opposition to be. And the more I look at you, the more I see where those you managed to defeat failed."

"They weren't good enough."

Ryan smiles and chuckles to himself...

"You were expecting something a little deeper than that weren't you? I'm sorry, Loonie. There are never any other acceptable excuses to losing. If ever I've lost a match, it was because I wasn't good enough that day. Life is a simple thing to understand when you get right down to it. There are equally other concepts to consider as well. One of these is that I am good enough to beat anyone on this planet on most nights - not that I will - but I am able. Many men would pretend to say this, but I've made a career proving it."

"All three of the men you've managed to get past in moving into this position learned this concept slowly, but they learned it well....and in time - they took it to heart."

"Can I be defeated? Sure. I have been. At one time James Irish made a name for himself as the first man to defeat me two times in a row. He managed to beat the odds and take the spotlight for something that had never been done. But the odds - they have a way of catching up to you. Put in some time to see where my issue with James stands today for an illustration."

"I'm that good, Loonie. It's not just something to say. It's a sad reality for you."

"If you have something to say that has bearing on this match, please say it. Likewise dispense with the theatrics of pretending anyone gives a sh*t what you're upset about. They're as worthless as the money which bears your namesake."

"As for me, this tournament has more in store for me than to banter with the likes of you - though the inevitability of more is unavoidable. In the meantime however.....you'll have to excuse me."

"I've almost reached my destination...and I hear....the view is lovely at the top....."

Ryan smirks one last time into the camera as he approaches the top and stands, looking over the valley toward Mexico City and breathes deeply....

FADE OUT......

04-06-07, 01:29 AM
Fou is in Loonie's hotel room surrounded by telephones. The cameraman clears his throat to let Fou know that filming has begun.

Fou: Welcome to my makeshift Loonie call center. Ever since Loonie walked out during our argument, no one has seen or heard from him. The hotel staff informed me that Loonie immediately fled the hotel that day and has yet to return. TEAM management left several voice and text messages on Loonie's cell phone, but Loonie hasn't called back and there's fear that Loonie is no longer in Mexico and/or the tournament. I too am concerned. If anyone has seen Loonie or knows where he is located, please call 1-800-SAW-LOON immediately.

The phone number flashes across the bottom of the screen.

Fou: Whether or not Loonie's match with Dan Ryan will happen, only Loonie knows that at this time. I am confident that Loonie will be back for the match, as ducking a challenge...well, that's something that Loonie just doesn't do, but considering the drastic change to his behavior lately, nothing is guaranteed. However, what I do know is that if I were Dan Ryan right now, I would be very worried. This is only the second time ever that I have seen Loonie abandon his goofy antics and become a totally serious individual. The first was right before he won the inaugural LOTB tournament in MBE, which no one expected him to win due to the other participants being top-notch competitors. Becoming serious allowed him to overcome challenges that even he didn't think that he could conquer. As difficult as it is to defeat him when he is being eccentric, that is nothing compared to dealing with him when he shows his serious side. Defeating him when he's in that state of mind is a task that no one to date has been able to complete. Dan Ryan, prepare to be unprepared. Loonie is a puzzle that only a few have figured out how to assemble...and those that were successful did so when Loonie was his silly self. The mystery that he has become over the past few days contains no hints, so regardless of how ready you are, come match time, should ithe match actually occur, the pieces of the puzzle may not fit for you, no matter which way you attempt to put them together. Furthermore...

One of the phones rings and Fou quickly answers it.

Fou: Hello...you have reached the Loonie call center. This is Fou speaking. What information do you have?

Fou listens to the response, then motions for the camera to be turned off as he pulls a tissue out of his fanny pack.

Fou: Dead? Are you sure?

The screen fades to black.

04-08-07, 08:43 PM

A suite at the Sheraton Centro Histórico - Dan Ryan sits on the balcony overlooking the downtown district below. Ryan leans back, looking out into the sunset with sunglasses on and a drink in his hand which he sips from time to time throughout the segment.

Ryan: "Sometimes people get the wrong idea about me - or about circumstances, situations and the like."

"When this tournament began it was assumed that I had a clear shot to at least the round of sixteen, and I did in fact get there and beyond but the road was a lot tougher than some may have expected. Along the way I've faced an up and coming rookie, a well known talker from another company than those I compete for and last week - a man on the verge of making a big name for himself."

"But I made it through somehow."

"The misconception is that I don't intend to work hard, or that I intend to have everything handed to me on a silver platter. History, however has shown that everything I have achieved that has been worth having has been faced head on in the most trying situation possible. I've always wanted it that way. I expect, need challenge. I don't want anything handed to me ever. Respect is a side effect of being man enough to say what you want, and then going and getting it."

"Another misconception is that change for the sake of change is good. In fact, change for the sake of change has always appeared to me to be a sign of insecurity. My tactics have changed very little from match to match with the lone exception being the study of my opponent before and during the match itself. Still, I am as confident as ever and continue forward just as I always have."

"The biggest misconception - the one that Loonie and his little agent Fou have bought into is that I in some way will be on my heels unprepared for the likes of a 'serious' Loonie."

"To the contrary, it is Loonie who will need to be worried about what he will do with me, Fou. Do you think he's the first 'comedy' guy I've had to go up against? Do you know me at all?"

"Apparently not."

"I don't have to be prepared to be unprepared, Fou. You might wanna tell El Canadio Serioso to get his ass in gear and prepare for me, not the other way around. I'm always ready, and I think that between you and I - if we're going on who has the most experience with success in the ring, I'll be taking my own counsel over yours, Foo....or....Fou....whatever."

"In a nutshell, all you've bothered to even say to me this week is 'Oh, you're right he is just a comedy guy, but look, he's serious now! He is the r0x0rs and you are teh sux! Booyah! Score! Beat that!' "

"Okay Fou, I will. Like I do with anyone else - I go into the ring, I toss him around til I get bored, I spike him on his head, I pin him - period."

(Ryan points toward the sunset) "You see that? That's your boy's time in this tournament. The sun is seriously setting on the Loonie. And yes, that seriously sucks."

"Tell your little 'where is the Loonie' story over in MBE somewhere where someone might seriously give a damn. I'm all storied out over here."

"I'm glad you were able to make a decent showing. Another Cinderella up against that midnight deadline."

"We all really enjoyed your time here though, Loon."



04-08-07, 11:59 PM
A single black casket sits in the middle of a cemetery late at night. The moonlight shines down onto the casket, making it glow. One man, dressed in a hooded robe that covers his face, slowly approaches the casket and places one of his hands on top of it. He then turns his head towards the camera, but his face remains hidden.

Man: Loonie was my only best friend and vice versa. From the moment that he entered my life and I entered his, both of us remained loyal to each other. We shared the good and bad times. Every victory for him was a victory for me and the same can be said about defeats. One admired trait that Loonie possessed was his ability and willingness to do whatever necessary to entertain the fans, placing no boundaries upon himself and doing what he felt that he had to do, no matter how foolish or unintelligent it may make him look. Perhaps if the rest of the world obtained the desire to satisfy others at the expense of themselves, the planet that we live on would be a more peaceful and pleasant place to live. The loss of Loonie only puts us one step backwards from that goal. What makes this loss even more difficult to swallow is that it didn't have to happen. Those responsible are the same people that Loonie tried so hard to please. All that he wanted was one last successful run before he took his final bow. Is that too much to ask for? What seemed like a reachable goal became enormously difficult, party due to his opponents, but also the fans, who proved to be the most fickle group of human beings that this business has ever seen, far worse than all of the evil villains that wrecked havoc in the ring since the beginning of time. Immediately following the airing of the botched video tape prior to the first round of this tournament, the fan support quickly ceased to exist. Just as Loonie needed his fans more than ever before, they were not there for him to lean on and feed off of as he faced the obstacles that tried to prevent him from grabbing one last piece of glory. At first, the quest to regain the support that meant so much to him was important. However, all of that changed when the one person that Loonie always trusted and often relied on did to him what the fans had done.

A hearse pulls up next to the casket. The man enters the vehicle, then exists with a tombstone in his arms. Fou's full name is on the tombstone.

Man: Fou...the most loyal member of Loonie's support team and his closest, dearest friend...until now. Moments before the toughest challenge that Loonie had been faced with, Fou questioned Loonie's integrity and passion to compete. He allowed himself to buy into what was being said about Loonie, proving himself to be fickle, just like the others that abandoned Loonie during the low periods of his life and career. Capital punishment...the result of this ultimate betrayal. Loonie then realized and had to accept that he himself was the only individual that he could truely trust and depend on. Losing everyone...that sucked the enjoyment of being Loonie completely out of him. No longer did he want to be himself...and the demise of Loonie soon transpired. From birth to passing, only I can claim to be the one person that he trusted and did not betray him.

The man leans down and as he places the tombstone on the ground, his robe sides off of him, exposing a white suit and revealing his identity. He is Loonie.

Loonie: The Canadian Loonie of the past is no more. With the defeat of the unbeatable Karl Brown came the resurrection of the fan support...but I do not crave it anymore. Thus far, I have remained undefeated in this tournament, despite the lack of cheers and backing from the viewing audience, and my mission to conclude my phenomenal, yet often controversial career with a major bang will continue with and/or without them. Whatever reaction is given to me by the fans in the future, it will have no impact on my actions, as I won't intentionally concede to their requests ever again. Opinions other than mine will not matter. The people ended my fun...now I rob them of theirs.

Loonie begins to leave, then slowly spins around to face the camera.

Loonie: One more thing before I depart. Dan Ryan...our perceptions of ourselves, each other and our match could not be any more different than they already are. To you, we may simply be the person that will advance and the person that won't. One man is a stepping stone...and the other, a roadblock. I perceive things from another point of view. My eyes see you as either the individual that will lose and cause the match to become additional evidence that I do not require the fans rooting me on to survive in this industry...or the individual that will win and send me back to the private sector, away from the people that I no longer wish to entertain. Both outcomes satisfy me. Win or lose, a smile engulfs my face when our match has ended.

Loonie smirks, then turns and walks away as his original entrance music, the theme from Halloween, plays loudly and these words appear on the screen: