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Trejo Jesus
02-23-07, 02:59 PM
Well, TEAM has it so I thought it couldn't hurt in here. I won't provide a format to follow since people answer this sorta stuff with their own ideas in mind. Just a few suggestions/ideas will follow, but you can give as much or as little feedback as you want according to how you think about things. I'm about to go on lunch break at work (WOO! Lunch!) so I'll do it myself when I get back.

Who/what met your expectations?

Who/what surprised you?

Who/what could have been done a little better?

Consider that there aren't actual brackets ready yet, are there any matches that you'd like to see in the next match? You don't have to assume match winners, this can account for everybody in the tournament.

Trejo Jesus
02-23-07, 05:13 PM
From a general standpoint, you can

Rocko Daymon vs.Arson Zanders

Arson took the initiative, which as a newcomer to EPW is very respectable. I thought that he made his points forcefully, though his speech pattern is kinda hard to pin down. He shifts gears a bit too much; while it’s true, people can be complex and not talk the same way all the time, it usually benefits a character to become more familiar to the viewing audience by achieving no more than two “styles” of talking, which can then be blended. I detect 5 in Zanders that interweave through each other: Cocky Zander, Loud Zander, Funny Zander, Marginally-Serious Zander, and Zander the Killer. Ones doesn’t have to be predictable in a promo, but at the same time it is a sort of comfort to the audience to have some vague idea of what to expect. Side note: How can you fight in *almost* eight countries? Which territory was in question?

Double-posting aside, Rocko probably still made his effort too long. His was like two roleplays merged into one; either to make up for Zanders having two up before him, or for the fact that if Arson didn’t reply, Daymon would only have been able to put up one within the rules before the deadline was up. In either case; it wasn’t bad… if Rocko’s on-camera effort was done sooner, and the travel and promo sections were split into two RPs, then it would have been more effective IMO. That it does go on for a little while, even if it doesn’t drag out excruciatingly long, it’s still the case that if something takes too long to get to the end, then the overall effect of what is said or done is diminished (since there’s more time to mess it up/make people forget because of new stuff taking place). Two smaller, more prompt RPs would have been a better option here if he was time-capable of doing so, but the one RP was pretty good on its own.


Beast vs. "Extremely Bisexual" Beau Michaels

If I were to mark anything against these two, it would be to say that, for Beast, he allowed Beau Michaels to determine too much. Acknowledging and playing to your opponent is one thing, but Beast essentially allowed EBBM to control the entire tone of the promos. Beast almost certainly gets harmed by his inability to shut down Michaels, instead playing his game but with less in the way of visual gags. Beast probably gets away with it just fine most of the time, and his RPs were clever for what they were. Taking nothing away from the quality of the writing, the intangible here is that Beast was clearly the “follower” in the contest, even if he did put up two RPs in a row.

As for Beau, his is an issue of longevity; there’s only so many ways that he can keep playing suggestive sight gags before the crowd gets desensitized. That’s nothing on him in the short term because he completely owned the gimmick this time out. And, while playing in that way, he also has the smack-side of it down pat. He’s not necessarily making incontrovertible arguments at every turn, but that he was able to put up a superb argument-based promo for his second effort, making up feasible talking points just based on the imagery in the RP… that’s pretty respectable.

It comes down to trying to impress yourself onto your opponent. Beast nearly played the cool humorous Batista role, but when dealing with such an attention-grabbing personality as Beau Michaels, Beast almost looks passive. What would have been a winning effort in another match on the card is, perhaps, is my prediction for Beau’s advancement in the KotC.

"Triple X" Sean Stevens vs. "The Dark Phenom" Nakita Dahaka

It didn’t really seem like either person brought their ‘A’ game. Sean Stevens might’ve been more focused on advancing in the TEAM tournament. Meanwhile Nakita Dahaka could be in other feds besides EPW and UCW that I’m not aware of. Nakita used more visualization and tried to set the scene more; Stevens was straight to business. Sean was probably playing it safe quite a bit, while Nakita was doing it as well but not to the same extent. I’d have liked to see something risky and eye-opening from Stevens; he used the expected arguments, but his approach was more conservative than I figure the character to be. As for Nakita, I think there’s a decent line between an okay amount of lyrics in an RP and using too many. Her UCW roleplay was just fine; in EPW she probably relied too much on the lyrics to break up the promo and help set the mood. If they gave this everything they had it could’ve been something, but as it was they just made it passable.



More to come, heading on home now.

RStrawsma
02-23-07, 07:47 PM
Thank you for your criticism; I've rarely have opportunities to hear back from other roleplayers who give me ideas and tips on how I can improve. I'll keep your advice in mind in the future.

EDIT: Damn... I didn't even notice the double post. How in the hell did that happen?

Sorry about that, everyone.

Arson Zanders
02-23-07, 11:40 PM
Thanks very much for the constructive criticism, Trejo. I did re-read my RPs and I found the same thing that you were saying - basically that AZ sort of flip flops between characters. The original intent of the first rp was supposed to be comedic/a satire, sort of a play on Daymon's name. But as I kept writing I sort of flipped back to the "serious killer" AZ just like you noted.

I think part of it is that I haven't quite nailed down what I went AZ's predominant personality/persona to be and so I got this mix in the first rp. In the second rp I tried to better focus who AZ is, and after re-reading it I think I did a better job of staying in one focus. But I whole heartedly agree with you that the first rp was a little all over the place and I'm definitely trying to better convey who AZ is. I wanted to do a little more with the second rp, but I was trying to wait for Daymon to reply so I could play off what he said, but I had to rp soon because I actually thought the deadline was coming up sooner than it was and I knew I wouldn't have any time to rp when the week started.

In reference to Daymon's rp, I really enjoyed his actual on screen reply to me. I got a good feeling for the character and I thought his replies to what I said were spot on. I would have loved to have gotten a chance to reply to that promo. I would have to agree with Trejo that I thought all the extra exposition with the traveling and dialogue with the second character was a little too much and distracted from the on screen stuff directed at AZ. I sort of just skipped all that stuff and went straight to the promo where the good stuff was. Still, I thought it was a very good rp and I got a great sense of Daymon's character.

I'll also post my thoughts on some of the other rp's that I browsed. Overall, I thought they were all very good and Beau's rp was one that really sort of stuck in my mind because the imagery was done very well. The only thing would be finding different "scenarios" for playing off his demeanor.

EDIT: on a side note, I actually caught myself writing 'almost eight different countries' during my rp and thought I had edited it but it looks like it slipped through. Chalk it up to AZ's lack of education! =P

Hell_Fighter
02-24-07, 01:56 PM
From a general standpoint, you can

"Triple X" Sean Stevens vs. "The Dark Phenom" Nakita Dahaka

It didn’t really seem like either person brought their ‘A’ game. Sean Stevens might’ve been more focused on advancing in the TEAM tournament. Meanwhile Nakita Dahaka could be in other feds besides EPW and UCW that I’m not aware of. Nakita used more visualization and tried to set the scene more; Stevens was straight to business. Sean was probably playing it safe quite a bit, while Nakita was doing it as well but not to the same extent. I’d have liked to see something risky and eye-opening from Stevens; he used the expected arguments, but his approach was more conservative than I figure the character to be. As for Nakita, I think there’s a decent line between an okay amount of lyrics in an RP and using too many. Her UCW roleplay was just fine; in EPW she probably relied too much on the lyrics to break up the promo and help set the mood. If they gave this everything they had it could’ve been something, but as it was they just made it passable.




WOW...Thank you very much for providing the feedback man on my thread. Like Ryan said, its always good to see how other people view your work and how they respond see my rps through their eyes. I appreciate that I am welcome all feedback.

I guess I was trying to do "too much" I was trying to take so much into account and maybe I didn't focus on one thing at a time. I was trying to progress the Nakita/Frankie Scott program (because that feud is not over yet as there are still things planned) plus trying to play off of Jay's rp of Sean.

Yeah I can see how I did too much of the lyric thing. I totally understand that. Thanks for bringing that to light.

Thank you for your time, and I will do my best to get up my views on this thread with my respective feedback whenever I have a free moment.