View Full Version : MEXICO CITY 2nd: [3] Joe Retro vs. [11] The Canadian Loonie

02-19-07, 04:54 PM
Joe Retro defeated:
Jeremy Oliver

The Canadian Loonie defeated:
Sean Stevens

Second round match-up to take place at Beard-Eaves Auditorium, Auburn AL, Auburn U. RP deadline is Sunday, February 25th, at 11:59:59 PM, give or take a second.

02-20-07, 11:36 PM
Fou and the reporter from Southern HIX-TV stand in the hallway of the hotel while shouting, laughter and music can be heard coming from Loonie's room.

Reporter: Let's get this interview started. My first question...what is going on in there? It sounds like a party.

Fou: Indeed, it is.

Reporter: A party to celebrate Loonie's victory over Sean Stevens in the first round of the tournament?

Fou: That and Loonie's freedom.

Reporter: Loonie's freedom? Please explain.

Fou: He's a free man. All of the charges from the incident at the clothing store prior to his match with Stevens have been dropped.

Reporter: Wow...how did you manage that?

Fou: Well...the owner of the store agreed to drop the charges if Loonie autographed the damaged items and auctioned them off. The proceeds will be used to repair the store...and with Loonie advancing in the tournament, he is slowly regaining his fan support, so the autographed items could earn the store owner a large amount of cash...possibly even more than the damage is worth.

Reporter: And as for the woman from the pawn shop?

Fou: May she rest in peace.

Reporter: She died?

Fou: Yes. The sight of Stevens being pinned by Loonie was too much for her heart to take. Right after the match, she left the arena, called 911 on her cell phone...complaining of serious chest pains...and was pronounced dead in the ambulance.

Reporter: That's so sad.

Fou: Yeah. I never understood what she saw in Stevens though. The guy is just so pathetic. Did you hear about the comments that he made before his match with Rob Franklin?

Reporter: No.

Fou: Stevens spent more time taking shots at Loonie and talking about their match than he did hyping his match with Franklin! This was Stevens' opportunity to re-enter the tournament. Why he would risk losing that opportunity by focusing on the past instead of preparing for the future...I just don't know.

Reporter: Speaking of the future, Loonie faces Joe Retro in the second round...

Fou: Retro is a blast from the past.

Fou grins and the reporter rolls her eyes.

Fou: Retro and Loonie...both veterans of MBE.

Reporter: Have they wrestled each other before?

Fou: I don't think so. If they did, it wasn't significant enough to remember. However, this match coming up...very significant. Losing, for Loonie, would mean the end of his farewell run in the business and the return of his retirement...but it would be a fitting end to Loonie's career and Loonie would be satisfied with it.

Reporter: He would?

Fou: Definitely. His first match ever was against an MBE superstar. Winning the tournament would be Loonie's perfect goodbye, but if that doesn't happen, the second best thing would be a match against one of his MBE colleagues.

Reporter: So you're saying that regardless of the outcome, Loonie will be happy with how this match ends?

Fou: Correct. Of course, Loonie's going to do whatever is necessary to win, but knowing that he will be content with the end result...let's just say that the pressure to perform well isn't a concern with this match. His mind is clear and focused. No tense feelings. No stress. Can his opponent say the same? Retro, unlike Stevens, comes from the same place that Loonie did and knows what Loonie is capable of. Loonie's unorthodox style makes defeating him a very difficult and unpleasant task.

Reporter: That is one task that I would never want to take on...

Fou: Me either...and that is all the time that I have for this interview. Would you care to join me at the party? We can do another interview afterwards.

The reporter nods, then instructs the camera crew to stop filming.

02-22-07, 12:46 AM
(A rather cheesy looking "talk show" set: Joe Retro and his manager "Grade A" Gene McKay sit in front of a banner reading "The Retro Zone". Gordon Solie Jr. has the night off.)

RETRO: Hello Sports Fans!!! I am Joe Retro!

GRADE A: And I am "Grade A" Gene McKay.

BOTH: And Welcome to THE RETRO ZONE!!!!!

(The wait for the applause.)

(...and wait...)

(...and wait...)

(Finally Retro speaks)

RETRO: Okay. Good to see you too. Our first guest tonight is MBE's oldest fan, Robbie Arrrrrgh.

(Some randon Kinks song plays.)

(...and plays...)

(...and plays...)

(Finally some 80-something year old guy with a long white beard wobbles in an a cane and takes the seat across from Retro and "Grade A".)

RETRO: Hey Robbie.


RETRO: I said "Hey Robbie"

ROBBIE: What!?

GRADE A: Turn of you hear aid, Rob.

ROBBIE: Oh...right.

(Robbie Arrrgh reaches into his ear and adjusts something.)

ROBBIE: Oh that's better. So what was that you were saying?

RETRO: I was saying "Hey Robbie."

ROBBIE: Oh. Hey Joe.

RETRO: So how long have you been a fan of MBE?

ROBBIE: Since before there was an MBE. Golly, I remember when The Russian Lion George Hackenschidt had that classic series agaist Tornado DDT and Doc Awesome that ended up with Paco piledriving Chief Jay Strongbow through that Modle T ragtop.

RETRO: Wow. That's quite along time.

GRADE A: And why don't you tell us your fondest MBE memory of Joes oponent this week, The Canadian Loonie.


GRADE A: The Canadian Loonie? The former North American Champion? MBE's first Lord of the Boards?

ROBBIE: Sorry, it's not ringing a bell.

GRADE A: Made his debut by retiring Mr 500, Tommy C? Had a classic series with Hida Yakamo?

ROBBIE: Oh yeah, and he had that bloody MWM Back Alley "Mugging Match" against Jimmy Irish.

RETRO: No. That was IrishRed.

ROBBIE: Nah, then I don't remember seeing him. And if I did, he not have had much of an impact on me. Because I remember MBE's great moments like a schmendrick remembers every last detail of that AD&D campaign he DM'd where the Mage's Guide tried to conquer Arkania only to find themselves felt by the Half-Orc thief with nothing to his name but a singing dagger and an invisibility cloak. And then the Barbarian Bards arrived just in time to help him stave off the vile plot of the Cult of Lothcan before he was named the first non-Dwarvish King of the Iron Mountains!!!!

RETRO: Wow, That sounds nerdly.

ROBBIE: It totally was.

GRADE A: So, back on topic. How do you figure this loonie guy will do against my guy Joe?

ROBBIE: He doesn't stand a chance.

GRADE A: And you are the expert, right?

ROBBIE: Yes, I am.

GRADE A: Thanks Robbie
(To Retro)
Do you want to do the honors, or shall I?

RETRO: Why don't I do it this time?

(Retro reaches under the table and pulls out a coconut. He leaps over the table and smashes the coconut open on Robbie's skull. He then grabs Robbie and hurls him through the Retro Zone window before he and Gene McKay both turn to the camera.)

GRADE A: You see that Looney Toons. That's what happens when you cross The Old School. And even when you don't for that matter.

RETRO: And I pity the Fou that get's between me and my Merritt Trophy destiny

GRADE A: Well said, Joe.

RETRO: Thanks, G.A.

02-22-07, 03:00 AM
Loonie is decorating his hotel room with items from the past, including a disco ball, lava lamps, vinyl records and photos of legendary deceased celebrities. Fou enters the room and clears his throat to get Loonie's attention, but Loonie doesn't respond.

Fou: Loonie?

Still no response.

Fou: Loonie?

Loonie still doesn't say anything, so Fou nudges Loonie's leg with his foot. Loonie finally acknowledges Fou's presence.

Fou: We're filming.

Loonie: Who is our cameraman?

Fou: Don't you recognize him? He's the only job applicant that successfully completed all of your tests.

Loonie: Impossible! He shouldn't be out of his coma yet! Hehahohu!

Fou: Nevermind that. What's up with these decorations?

Loonie: Aren't they far out, man? Hehahohu!

Fou: Sure, but what are they for?

Loonie: When I asked you about my next match, you said to me...and I quote..."It's retro this week".

Fou: Uh, Loonie...

Loonie: This is just the start...my ring attire will consist of platform shoes, a fleece vest, a mini-skirt, a baseball cap with the original Toronto Blue Jays logo on it...and, of course, one leather glove. Hehahohu! Won't I look groovy, baby?

Fou: Loonie...there's something that you need to know...

Loonie: I also got some classic wrestling tapes so I can study up on what wrestling was like before the invention of the hardcore and high-flying styles that I've mastered. Hehahohu!

Fou shakes his head in disbelief.

Loonie: I think that I've got everything covered. This whole theme week concept is brilliant. Do you know what I'm going to do next?

Fou: I can only imagine.

Loonie: I'm going to make a list of themes and present it to the powers that be around here. Wouldn't it be awesome if we did a food week?

Fou motions the cameraman to stop filming, then heads for the door.

Loonie: I want to wrestle in hot liquid fudge. Can my opponent stand the heat? Hehahohu! No, a better idea...chunky peanut butter. That way, if my opponent craps in his tights, no one will know...or how about salsa? I'll bring the nacho chips...

The screen fades to black.

02-25-07, 01:42 AM
(Retro and "Grade A" Gene McKay stand in a TEAM Interview area with their pet interviewer Gordon Solie Jr.)

RETRO: Wow. Did that guy just say he wanted to wrestle in Hot Liquid Fudge?

GRADE A: Yeah, I believe he did.

RETRO: Man. That's just goofy.

SOLIE JR: I believe the term you are looking for is Loony.

RETRO: No. George "the Animal" Steel was loony. Exotic Adrian Street was loony. The Von Erich family was loony in their own particular way. And none of them wanted to wrestle in scaldling hot chocolate syrup or any other ebible substance.

SOLIE JR: You do realize that he wasn't saying that he wanted to wrestle you in all that stuff. You, he wanted to wrestle in a fleece vest and platform shoes.

RETRO: Sure, he may be talking only about silly clothes and 70's gimmickry this week. But you heard him - he sounded damn serious about moving into food stuffs next.

SOLIE: And that really bothers you, huh?

GRADE A: Gordo; I think what Joe here is trying to say is that perhaps there should be some very real health and public safety concerns about letting a guy as certifiably insane as the Canadian Loonie character anywhere near a wrestling ring.

RETRO: Yeah, like this whole Chunky Peanut Butter thing. What about fans with severe peanut alergies? One mistimed suplex and Little Johnny could end up in a state of advanced anaphylactic shock.

GRADE A: And that's sometimes something that not event a hospital visit from an Old School Icon like Joe Retro can fix.

RETRO: This lunatic must be stopped before he kills again.

GRADE A: And I say you are just the Golden Era Throwback to do it.

SOLIE JR: Guys, is there any indication at all that he has actually ever killed anyone at all before?

RETRO: Even so. That just makes it all the more important that I stop him before his rampage starts.

GRADE A: Exactly Joe. You have to defeat this Canadian Loonie. You have to knock him out of this tournament before he can cause any more harm. You have to do it for the kids.

RETRO: Yes! For the Kids!!

02-25-07, 05:58 PM
Fou and the reporter from Southern HIX-TV are standing in the hallway of the hotel. Just as Fou attempts to speak, the reporter raises her hand and stops him.

Reporter: If it is alright with you, could I interview Loonie this time? I have no problem with asking you questions...however, I've been trying since the beginning of this tournament to get a few words from Loonie and the only opportunity that I've had so far was cut short by the incident at the clothing store.

Fou: Now is not a good time.

Reporter: Why not?

Fou: This whole Retro thing has Loonie really confused...and I mean really confused. Even more confused than he usually is, if you can believe that. Adding to his confusion is the Academy Awards.

Reporter: The Academy Awards? How so?

Fou: Turner Classic Movies is currently airing nothing but Oscar winning films from the past. Loonie came across TCM last night while channel surfing and hasn't stopped watching since. He says that it's helping him get into the Retro state of mind...or something like that. I don't remember his exact quote.

Reporter: I still want to speak with him.

Fou: It's not a good idea, in my opinion, but since you're insisting...

Fou enters Loonie's hotel room, grabs Loonie by the arm and drags Loonie from the television to the hallway.

Reporter: Hi, Loonie.

Loonie: Hello, gorgeous.

Reporter: Oh...thank you for the compliment. Are you looking forward to your next match?

Loonie: You betcha!

Reporter: Well, your opponent seems like a mentally conflicted individual. At first, he didn't believe that you are worthy of remembering or even acknowledging as part of MBE's history, but now...you are an extremely dangerous threat to everyone around you...in his opinion, that is. What do you think about that?

Loonie: Frankly, my dear, I don’t give a damn.

Reporter: Uh...that's your reply?

Fou: You heard what he said. Next question please.

Reporter: Ummmm, okay. Since you don't want to discuss your opponent's comments, why don't you tell me something about yourself that not many people know?

Loonie: I'm an excellent driver.

Reporter: Thank you for sharing that. Is there anything else?

Loonie: I have a head for business and a bod for sin.

Reporter: Okay...thank you. My next question...being a pro wrestler, you travel a lot. What is your favorite way to travel?

Loonie: I'm an excellent driver.

Reporter: You said that already.

Fou: This was a bad idea...I knew it...

Reporter: No...everything is fine. Let's continue...

Fou: Maybe this really should wait until another time.

Reporter: Absolutely not. This has been the hardest interview for me to get. Now that I've got Loonie here, I'm not going to blow this opportunity.

Fou: Alright.

Reporter: Please remind me of where we left off.

Loonie: I'm an excellent driver.

The reporter looks down at the floor and moans, then looks back up.

Fou: Don't say that I didn't warn you.

Reporter: Listen...this interview is continuing whether you like it or not.

Fou: Fine...ask another question.

Reporter: Alright. Loonie, with your career coming to an end following the conclusion of this tournament, what would you like your fans and fellow wrestlers to remember about you?

Fou: Retract that question. I know what he's going to say.

Reporter: What?

Loonie: I'm an excellent driver.

Reporter: How is that related to wrestling?

Fou: Well, he does enjoy grabbing his opponents and driving them into things...

The reporter covers her face with her hand.

Fou: You shouldn't have asked a question that he could answer with that phrase.

Reporter: That's it! This interview is over!

Fou: Are you sure?

Reporter: Yes!

The reporter turns around and begins to slowly walk away.

Reporter: Unbelievable. After everything that I've done and gone through to get this interview...placing phone calls, writing letters, sending e-mails, traveling far distances, almost being attacked...I finally get my chance and nothing good comes from it. There's no doubt that I'll be fired for this. What am I suppose to do now?

Loonie: Why don’t you go haunt a house? Rattle some chains or something.

The reporter yells at the cameraman to stop filming, then takes off running out of the hotel.

Loonie: I'm an excellent driver.

The screen fades to black...