View Full Version : PORTLAND: Shawn Jessica Hart PhD vs. Decapitator Diamond

02-05-07, 08:44 AM
The EPW Television Champion will tangle with the former NAPW superstar.

First round matchup to be held at the Galen Center in Los Angeles, CA on U of Southern California's campus. No RP limit, RP deadline is Sunday, February 11th at 11:59:59 PM (give or take a second).

02-10-07, 07:39 PM
FADE IN: SJH, PhD., is standing by with the EPW TV strap around his shoulder and half a bottle of $500 French mousse in his hair. As the camera locks in on his mean muggin' face, the Phenom glares back at it with all the faux intensity and bad ass mojo he can muster. Looming large behind him is the TEAM logo. Booming through your speakers is his voice as he elaborates on just what it is that logo means to him.

HART: "If I've said it once, I've said it a THOUSAND TIMES; Shawn Jessica Hart, PhD. loves him some T-I-T!!"

Say wha??

HART: "For years and years and, well... OK, maybe not years and years, but ever since I was invited to participate in this zany shindig a couple a weeks ago, the Phenom's been beaming like the brights on his '85 Maserati and itchin' like a rancid case of mutant crabs from HELL to get into that squared circle and show the WORLD that nobody dominates the T-I-T like the Prime Minister of Gettin' Sinister!"

Hart takes a step back in a moment of reflection.

HART: "While it's true that I recently suffered a setback in NEW and lost my beloved Heavyweight title, the fact remains that I'm the KING of the small screen and a HEAVY favorite to not only entertain the bejesus out of each and every person to behold my in-ring prowess and microphone magic, but a dead-on lock to capture the hearts of 'rasslin fans everywhere as I juke and jive my way from round one on up through the finals. Y'see, throughout all the ups and downs, one thing has remained constant: my fans. I'm not talking about the bandwagon Bettie's that love me one year, hate me the next, switch to MMA the year after that, then return to the sport with a newfound love for Beau Michaels... Nah... I'm talking about that small section of HART-broken Phenom fans that have been with me through thick and thin, for richer or for poorer, for better or for worse. The name of the game here is TEAM, and in this tournament, on Shawn Hart's All-Star roster, you guys are my sixth man!"

SJH does his best Sammy Sosa 'big-ups' to his teammates.

HART: "So, as I step in for my first match with Ass-kicker Amethyst... errr, Masticator Marble... errr, Idiosyncratic Iron Pyrite, I step in with a will and determination NOT ONLY of a man who holds EPW gold, NOT ONLY of a man who once laid claim to the title CHAMPION of aaaaaaaaall EARTH, but of a man who knows that regardless of how things go, his homies got his back!"

Hart cracks a smile.

HART: "Diamond, don't get me wrong... I'm not unfamiliar with your work, and I'd be CRAZY if I said I didn't respect NAPW, its history, and what it stands for, but as far as this T-I-Tty's concerned, I will not be deterred. I'm a man on a mission; out like John Ameachi to debunk the doubters, derail detractors, and dedicate victories the millions, nay... HUNDREDS of little dudes nationwide who spend their hard earned allowances each and every day for jiggy Shawn Hart action figures, t-shirts, and/or anything else that translates to royalty checks for yours truly. Without their support, I may never have known the joys, the JOVIALITIES of all of life's little lovlies... beer, broads, and Botox injections..."

The EPW TV champ grins yet again... notice the silky, wrinkle-free complexion!

HART: "Bottom line, SJH is a GIVER... not a taker, so you can bet your bottom dollar that, for the better part of the next couple months, I'll do my darndest to take it to the house like Marvin Harrison and give a little something back to my ever-growing legion of Softcore Soldiers. Heh, and if I happen to capture top honors, cash in on resulting endorsement opportunites, and recconnect with some of the big wigs in the biz in the mean time... well that would just be ICING on the cake!! .....KA-CHING!!!"

The Prime Minister pauses momentarily.

HART: "Was that out loud just now?"

Why yes, yes it was...

HART: "Eat my shorts, all-seeing eye!!! And as far as the other guys in the field are concerned, the whole lot of you can kiss my gritz!! In this tournament, you JACKHOLES or nothing more than mama's lumpy potato mix. You might not belive me now, but after Double D gets some of this man gravy... it's gonna be clear like Crystal Pepsi that NOBODY manipulates the T-I-T like me, regardless of how hard it might be! The steak n' eggs of the situation here is that Shawn Hart's HAWT and you guys are NOT. Period. Sure, it's cliche, but so is the whole heretical 'Anyone can beat ANYBODY on any given day' nonsense that half of you have probably made your mantra. Like it or not, the smart money's on me. Call Jimmy the Greek if ya want... this one's a LOCK! Diamond, you got next. About 63 others will follow suit. Buuut for now, the PHENOM... has left... the BUILDING!"


02-11-07, 02:24 PM
Fade in.. Diamond sits in a comfortable chair, in a small little motel room. He is wearing today, a plain white lucha mask with a red streak through it. He is wearing a suit, but with a gym bag close to him. It must be Sunday, Feb. 11. He is in Portland. It doesn't really matter. The only reason he remains in North America is to wrestle for TEAM. He peers at the television screen. It is in the last few moments of Shawn Jessica Hart's promo towards him. Diamond leans forward, folds his hands in his lap, and smirks.

Diamond: Your quite a character Shawn. And kind of remind me of a younger version of myself. Young, brash, cocky and you got quite a sense of humor. So here it is Shawn, my rebuttal. A year ago, I might have had something to say that would be similar to your grammar and phonics.

He settles back in his chair.

Diamond: But I left this place, did you know that? I left NAPW and my partying days behind me. I went to Japan. Of all the places, Japan! And I studied and trained in fierce dojos for weeks at time. Non-stop work-out, can you imagine that? I suppose you can't since your too busy looking at barely legal girls all day.

Diamond turns off the television, having been fuzz for over a minute now.

Diamond: You say you will win. I say nay. I retract your statements, and ignore them. For I do not fear you lowly fans or your lack of skill. I have gone too far and have sacraficed too much. This is my time to shine Shawn. And if you have a problem with words, then I will show you through actions.

Diamond straightens up a bit, acting more serious.

Diamond: Shawn, I have no doubt in my mind that I will defeat you today and continue on towards my eventual win in this tournament. So with all that you have said, and all that I have said. It comes down to who is better in the ring. You...or I. And I have full confidence in my abilities against your juvenile slang and gimmicks. It starts now Shawn, don't forget that you were the first.

Fade out while Diamond stands and walks out the door revealing the Portland skyline and a rental car waiting for him...