View Full Version : MEXICO CITY: Joe Retro vs. Jeremy Oliver

02-05-07, 08:36 AM
The Old-School Hero does battle with the EUWC up and comer.

First round matchup to be held at the Beard-Eaves Memorial Coliseum in Auburn, AL on Auburn U's campus. No RP limit, RP deadline is Sunday, February 11th at 11:59:59 PM (give or take a second).

02-07-07, 03:04 AM
(The camera finds Jeremy Oliver standing in an empty street on the outskirts of Mexico City. He is facing away from the camera.)

Jeremy: What a dump. Seriously. This is the most dirty, filthy, disgusting country. How is it that ninety percent of the cleaning ladies in the United States come from Mexico but it's capital looks like all the Bibical plagues terrorized it and left it for the demons of Hell to play with? Forget drinking the water. I get sick just looking at the water. Let alone the food. Who's bright idea was it to hold a card in this compost pile of a country anyways?

(Jeremy kicks a rock and turns to face the camera.)

Jeremy: I'm sorry. I'm being rude. Allow me to introduce myself. My name is Jeremy Oliver. I grew up in Winnipeg, Manitoba, Canada. I watched wrestling all my life and I fulfilled my life long dream and became a wrestler myself. I was trained by Bryan Davidson who had a long and successful career in an orgainzation based out of the Northwest Territories. I recently joined the Main Frame brand of the EUWC and in my first match, the EUWC Blood Bath match, I lasted longer than anyone else in that match. Longer than Angel of Death. Longer than Rocko Daymon. Longer than Dan Ryan. I am undefeated in my professional career and I am the premiere athlete in the EUWC. Now, I intend to prove that I am the premiere athlete in the TEAM Tournament.

Which brings me to my first opponent, Joe Retro. Admittingly, I don't know anything about him other than he has chosen a rather silly sounding ring name. Yeah, I know a name doesn't give an indication of what the man is all about. But, I can tell you this, Joe. You have the misfortune of facing me as your first opponent in the tournament. I will also be the last opponent you face in the tournament. You will be the first of six men that I will have to defeat to claim victory in this tournament. My finisher is a concussion-inducing Impaler DDT which I call The Humililator. Those who get in my way get humililated.

But all is not lost, Joe. I have an offer for you. Don't show up to our match. Don't show up and save yourself the inevitable embarrassment and humililation. Don't show up and allow the better man to save his energy and focus on the upcoming matches of the tournament. If you accept this offer, you have my word that I will not speak ill of you or your abilities. I will not drag your name through the mud in future promos because you will have made a decision that will positively affect the future of your career.

However, if you choose to reject my offer, I will have no choice to prove that I am the superior talent. I will have no choice but to live you beaten down, bloodied up, and laid out to count the lights in the ceiling. After that, I will use your name as a conquered enemy. You will be the benchmark until I defeat my next opponent at which time your name will be thrown to the wayside and forgotten by everyone associated with this tournament.

The choice is yours, Joe. The easy way is to not show up and save yourself the trouble of a humililating defeat. However, you can show up and I will decimate you and your chances in this tournament in less than fifteen minutes. And you will learn that I am the absolute greatest wrestler in the business today.

And you will learn that . . . the hard way.

(Fade to black)

02-08-07, 12:44 AM
(Joe Retro and his Old School Manager "Grade A" Gene McKay stand in a back stage interview area with their nattily dressed per interviewer Gordon Solie Jr.)

GORDON JR: Joe Retro, "Grade A", it's been quite some time since we have seen the two of you anywhere near the squared circle.

GRADE A: Too true, Gordo, too true. And it might be a bit longer time til you see it at that.

GORDON JR: How so?

GRADE A: Well it seems that we have received a very kind offer from our scheduled TEAM Invitational Tournament opponent not to show up this week.

GORDON JR: That is true.

GRADE A: And it is an offer that we are inclined to perhaps accept.

GORDON JR: Really now? Is that true Joe?

RETRO: Why, yes it is, Gordon. Yes it is.

GORDON JR: I am not sure I understand.

RETRO: Well it appears that Mr. Oliver - my distinguished opponent - is planning to humiliate and humble me in the ring this week. And we quite simply cannot have that.

GORDON JR: So you are planning just to run away?

GRADE A: I don't think you understand, Gordo. Joe here is an Old School Legend, fans of all ages {from 35 to 82} look up to him and hold him in great esteem as living monument to a bygone era. And there is absolutely no way we are going to let all those people down my having him embarrassed in a match against som wet behind the ears Johnny Come Lately.

GORDON JR: And it won't let them down to see you turn tail and run like a chicken just because one of these new schoolers talks a big game.

GRADE A: Oh no no no, it's not quite that simple. Joe is no chicken

RETRO: I'll have you know that I take my Inside Wrestling: 1978 Inspirational Wrestler of the Year Award very seriously.

GRADE A: It's just that if Olliver is everything he says he is and we are going to be facing the absolute greatest wrestler in the world today - someone that can thoroughly dominate the Champion of Yesteryear without even a moments thought, I am not sure it is worth our effort to battle the inevtatble.

RETRO: All we ask is that he prove it.

GORDON JR: And how would he go about doing that?

RETRO: It's pretty simple really. Back in the days of the Old School, we had something called the Presidents Fitness Challenge - Sit ups, push ups, chin up, jumping jacks, step drills - that sort of thing.

GRADE A: And all he has to do is show Joe that we simply can't compete with him and we will pack our bags and head right on home from Mexico City in defeat before we ever make it to the ring.

GORDON JR: So you want Jeremy Oliver to do push-ups???

RETRO: And sit ups and chin ups and jumping jacks, etc.

GRADE A: Yeah, we figure that during the course of his long career Joe has done well over 2,737,500 push ups; 6,458,000 sit-up, 1,095,000 chin-up, 10,598,000 jumping jacks, and 4,755,284 step lunges.

RETRO: And all we ask is that he beat those figures between now and bell time and he will have proven that there is no way in sweet tarnation that I can compete with him.

GORDON JR: And if he can't do it?

GRADE A: Oh. If he can't do it then that's a whole nother story. Ain't that right, Joe.

RETRO: Darn skippy it is. Is he can't so it then he had better well prepare to fall before the ageless might of THE OLD SCHOOL!

GRADE A: And you can bank that one, Gordo.

02-09-07, 03:06 AM
(Cameras find Jeremy Oliver sitting on a bench in a Meixco City Gold's gym. His shirt is stained with sweat as a towel is draped over his shoulders.)

Jeremy: My first match in the TEAM Tournament approaches and I have finally been introduced to my opponent, Joe Retro. I appreciate your consideration of my offer. Obviously, you didn't believe that my offer was to be taken seriously. The promo you cut was so laced in sarcasm the street value of it tripled. Naturally, I didn't expect you to even consider accepting my offer. Call it making a big statement in my first appearance. Call it insuring I have a serious competitor. Call it whatever you want. You answered and now you know me. Now you know what you will be facing in the ring. And now I know that you've chosen the hard way.

Although I must correct you, Mr. Retro. I may be new to the business but I am not a "Johnny Come Lately". If I'm wet behind the ears, it's because of the sweat beating off my head. But by all means, underestimate me. Underestimate me all you want. I tried to tell you but you, apparently, refuse to listen. Those who underestimate me are the ones who get humiliated. Those who think I am nothing more than a pushover end up getting pinned after a Humililator. I am new but I am not to be taken lightly.

I respect your history in this business. I respect the fact that you have devoted fans. I'm sure every 35 to 82 year old is solidly behind you. But, I'm 26. This tournament is probably filled with guys who are younger, stronger, and faster than you. Experience does play a huge part in this business but there comes a time when experience just isn't enough. Over time, wrestlers grow older and become obsolete. Hopefully, that time hasn't come for you yet. But make no mistake, I will find every weakness, every missed step, and every unnecessary pause you make and I will capitialize on it. The old school's final bell has rung. It's time for the new school to take over. By the way, congratulations on your Inspirational Wrestler of the Year award. I'm sure you earned it. But remember this. The Special Olympics are inspirational too.

(Jeremy stands and walks to the wall. A large white sheet is pinned to the wall. Jeremy pulls out the pins and the sheet falls. On the wall hangs 5 charts. Each chart has a headline with an underline. The headlines are: Push-Ups, Chin-Ups, Sit-Ups, Jumping Jacks, and Step Lunges. Next to the charts hangs a thick black marker.)

Jeremy: The only thing that has me slightly worried is that I perhaps misinterpreted your first promo. Perhaps, you weren't being sarcastic when you said that if broke your records in all of these categories, you wouldn't show up giving me a free ride to the second round. I said before that I would do anything to win this tournament. Whether that means pinning you in the middle of the ring . . .

(Jeremy lowers himself to his knees and then gets into push-up position.)

Jeremy: . . . or do things the hard way too.

(Jeremy starts doing push-ups and counts out loud.)

Jeremy: 1 . . . 2 . . . 3 . . . 4 . . . 5 . . .

(Jeremy continues doing push-ups as the camera fades to black.)

02-11-07, 12:09 AM
(Gordon Solie Jr. interviews "Grade A" Gene McKay as Retro does push ups in the ring behind them.)

GRADE A: Did you hear that, Gordo? Jerry Oliver there says he's no "Johnny Come Lately".

GORDON: Yeah, that's what I heard.

GRADE A: Hah! Compared to The Old School Legend, everybody is "Johnny Come Lately". Have I ever told you about how he dominated his series with Thesz and Lewis?

GORDON: Only maybe 45-50 times.

GRADE A: And we all know that if it weren't for Bockwinkel's cozying up with Blackburn and Gagne for the better part of two decades, my boy Joe would have been at least an eight time World Champ too.

GORDON: 75-80 times.

GRADE A: So when a pup like Oliver starts blabbing about how he's not sure he has a serious opponent - you'll have to excuse me - but we have a little problem with that.

GORDON: Well, he did come across as a bit more respectful this time out.

GRADE A: Damn right, he had better be respectful. Retro has accomplished more on the crapper during his career than this punk has done in the ring.
(turning to Retro)
Hey Joe, how's it going in there?

(Retro smiles and gives a big thumbs-up without even missing a beat.)

GORDON: So what's the deal? Is Retro actually worried that Jeremy Oliver might actually catch up to him before bell time?

GRADE A: Not at all. This is just part of Joe's pre-match routine.

GORDON: You sure about that?

GRADE A: Mathematically speaking you could say it is an absolute certainty. The guy would have to do more than 10 push-ups per second straight through from now until bell time even to get close. And then he'd still have to catch up in the four other categories.

(Behind them, Retro sits through and starts in on a series of crunches.)

GORDON: Good point. So how do you respond to Oliver's assertions that Retro may well discover that he's become obsolete when he steps into the ring this week.

GRADE A: Well, if Joe were a Victorola, I might be worried. If he were an 8-Track Tape or an LED digital watch or a buggy whip, I might have concerns. But there are some things that never get outdated. Things like Gold and Poker and breathing air. Things like Joe Retro. There are some things that are forever, Gordon. And this week, The Old School Legend, will display once more exactly why he is - and shall always be - one of those things.

GORDON: Well, I've heard that Jeremy Oliver is pretty tough in his own right.

GRADE A: Tough? He's tough? Well is he tough enough to fight off all three Moondogs in the ring all at once {and that is with their bones}? Is he tough enough to fight Harley Race to a 2 hour time limit draw in St Louis on Friday evening and then drive through the night to the Cow Palace and defeat Ray Stevens in a Street Fight on Saturday afternoon? Is he tough enough to crush the Crusher, bruise the Bruiser, stomp the Stomper, and choke out The Strangler in successive matches at one TV tape. Because do you know who did all of that?

GORDON: Joe Retro, I am guessing?

GRADE A: Joe Retro did it, that's who.
(Turning to Retro)
Hey Joe, why don't you come up here and show Gordo what we do with wet behind the ears punks?

(Retro kips to his feet and approaches before scooping Gordon Solie Jr. up and Airplane Spinning him for about 20 seconds before depositing him back on the mat and joining "Grade A" Gene McKay back in front of the camera.)

GRADE A: And now why don't you tell the good people in TV Land what comes next?

RETRO: Oh Gene, I think they already know.

GRADE A: Probably so. But why don't you tell them anyway?

RETRO: How about I give them this hint? The answer is as simple as (counting with his fingers) One... Two... Three!

GRADE A: So ask yourself this, Jerry. Wha'chu going to do....

RETRO...When the Old School takes recess on you!?

02-11-07, 05:25 PM
(Jeremy Oliver is sitting on the same bench we found him last time.)

Jeremy: I can't believe I actually tried to do all those excercises thinking that Joe Retro was serious in that promo. You got me, Joe. That's one for you. It's too bad. I was kind of looking forward to bring the charts to the ring and showing you that you came to Mexico City only to have to forfeit. I was about half way in all the categories when I saw your latest promo. I watched it and my heart sank.

I thought you were different, Joe. I thought a man with your storied history would be more creative and smarter than you turned out to be. Instead, you gave me pretty basic promo. "I am the man. I've beaten legends. You're a punk." I really thought better of you, Joe. I never said I didn't respect what you've done in this ring. When facing an opponent with the track record like you have, one has to respect it. You can't go into a match against a Joe Retro and not realize the years of experience that you will facing and the toughness of someone who has been in this business for that duration of time.

I expected great things from you, Joe. I expected more than name dropping. How you were in the ring with like Harley Race, Ray Stevens, and The Strangler. I expected more than the cliched counting of the fingers to represent a three count. Dramatic effectiveness aside, I figured after all your years, you have a different way of saying it. I expected more than a cheesy send off line like "Wha'chu going to do...?" which quite honestly sounds vaguely familiar. I thought that when I entered this tournament, I would be facing guys both young and old who were going to show me things I've never seen before. Reveal truths that have relevance to the match at hand. Hell, I can airplane spin announcers too. You let me down, Joe.

And on top of all that, you still refuse to even consider taking me seriously. I'm not hunting for respect, Joe. I want you to take me seriously because when the final bell sounds, you won't so disappointed or surprised when it's my hand raised in victory. You said it yourself Joe, some things never get outdated. But along with that, some things are just nature. In the deserts of Africa during mating season, the younger lion always challenges the alpha man for leadership of the pride. Sometimes the elder holds on to his position. But eventually the younger is just too strong and claims his rightful, natural place. It sounds cliche, but it's scientific fact.

It's easy to stand in front of a camera and talk a great game. I know that your in-ring game is one of the best. I know that each and every one of the guys in this tournament has an in-ring game that stands above all others. That's why they're here. That's what this tournament is all about. Finding the best of the best and granting the bragging rights forever more. Everyone will bring their best stuff to the ring. But I know that mine is better. You'll be the first, Joe, but certainly not the last. Match time is almost here. I don't think you're ready. And when you're not ready you lose. It's just that simple.

When we step into the ring against each other, Joe, I will beat you. I will advance in the tournament and I will face whomever I have to in order to prove that I am the best of the best.

The old school has past. Recess is over. You're now in the new school. And when you get your final report card, you'll see where you failed. Another life lesson learned . . .

(Jeremy stands.)