View Full Version : TEAM SuperShow II: MAIN EVENT - Champion of Champions Match

01-08-07, 06:42 PM
Mr. Amazing! vs. Jake Hix

The Championship of Champions is vacant. Which of these two are hungry enough to take it up?

No RP limit, all stacking rules apply. RP deadline Friday, January 19th, 11:59:59 PM (give or take a second).

01-11-07, 07:42 PM
It has been months since MrAmazing was thrown off of a 20 foot scaffold at the hands of Irishred. He hasn't been seen since. For his first appearance he has chosen to speak from the office of his country estate. Sitting behind his desk he speaks directly into the camera.

The March To Glory.

My triumphant rise to the level of World Champion for the first time in my glorious career.

It doesn't seem right, does it? That I have never been recognized...officially that is...as the best among my peers. Yes, it's been known. Assumed even. But never recognized. Not officially. Not with leather and gold.

For a long time I thought of myself as above such trappings. I've always known of my superiority. I was still a child when I grew comfortable with it. I never needed the respect or admiration of others, especially when those others deserved little to no respect or admiration from me.

And so I came into this sport and accomplished what I set out to accomplish for myself. I made money hand over fist while carving a reputation as one of the greatest to ever don a pair of boots. And when that proved tiresome I bought my own company and made it the greatest wrestling promotion on the planet. And when that grew tiresome I walked away.

And would have stayed away too, if it weren't for this knawing little bug in my ear that was dissatisfied with what I had accomplished. I guess it's what makes me human and keeps me humble. Further, I suppose this is what you people deal with every single day with every decision that you make. No wonder you all look so sad and defeated.

Yes, the piercing screech that this relentless insect filled my head with caused me to re-enter the ring in the hopes of quieting that pest once and for all. And how to satiate such a creature? With Championship Gold.

Imagine my surprise. That which people like you strive your entire lives for as a way to validate your otherwise useless time spend on this rock was something that I found myself hungry for as well. I strongly considered checking myself into a clinic to seek the proper care, but upon further reflection I decided not only to allow myself this fault, but to indulge it. To bask in it and allow the ringing in my ears to grow and amplify until all around me could hear the resounding footsteps of...

...The March To Glory.

It was never a question of if...only when.

D! knew that. He knew that the night he lucked into the greatest moment of his life at my expense. He knew that lightening would never strike twice and even if I were to bleed buckets again and the referee were even half as biased as he was in our first meeting it wouldn't matter. No one defeates MrAmazing twice. And I only say that because it's never happened. D! saw the writing on the wall and he decided to go and find himself another wall to look at. Because even though he left our match The Champion of Champions, he only needed one encounter in the ring with MrAmazing to know full well that he was not cut out for this world. So three cheers for D!, possibly the greatest flash in the pan in history and a surefire hall of famer with a victory over MrAmazing to his credit, tainted though it may be.

And D! wasn't alone. Irishred knew it too. He knew it for 5 months as I destroyed him every single chance I got to lay my hands on him. Better yet, A1E knew it. But for reasons no one even cares about anymore, they just couldn't bear the thought of MrAmazing holding that which they hold most dear. So what did they do? They constructed a 30 foot scaffold and forced me to climb it. They gave Irishred a chance to defeat me without ever having to pin me or make me submit. He just climbed a ladder and let gravity do the work for him. It was the only way that I could be derailed.

But I'm not angry. Quite the contrary. Bully for D! and bully for Red and bully for A1E. It's not every day that someone can get one over on MrAmazing and I'm sure that the memory of those days will keep those men warm on many a cold night to come.

But don't fool yourself Jake Hix. Don't be so foolish as to think that the March To Glory has come and gone. Do not convince yourself that what you have seen others do is actually something that you are capable of.

I no longer have the obligation of A1E to distract me, you see. I am here because this is where my March has ultimately led me. You see, when this all started I wrongly believed that my destiny was to become a World Champion, just like so many common men have become before me. But now I see the error of my ways. No, I am not destined to become a World Champion. I am destined to be officially crowned that which I have been since the day I was born.

I am here to take my rightful place as The Champion of Champions. And don't let that hiccup in the matrix known as D! fool you. His victory was simple anomaly. At Team Supershow II, I will correct things when I put you down and set right all that has been wrong for so long.

At Supershow II, I make my dominance official.

Jake Hix
01-13-07, 01:03 AM
The backstage area was like any of the thousands of others he had been in during his career. It could be called a familiar feeling, but that still didn’t make it comfortable. Whether the locker room of some high school gym when he was cutting his teeth almost twenty years ago, or the plush locker room established for larger events by his company, none of them were comfortable as far as he was concerned. They were a weigh station on the way to your destination, and a necessary stop he simply endured.

He wasn’t in his element anymore. These were alien surroundings with unknown men and women who had really just seen him once or twice. That was the way of the world with all the rival promotions. He hoped to change the fans and competitors perceptions of him here in this venue soon enough.

The Tournament Of Champions had simply been the commencement, a chance for people to take some notice of him in a new world. He had lost though, and losing didn’t always get you the consideration you wanted. He was lucky to get this shot. He wouldn’t waste it. No, the time had come to make sure his name hissed from their lips and hatred from their eyes burned into his flesh. They needed to remember him, to hate him a little bit more than they ever thought they could hate him. To envy the power and position he occupied in a world they could only dream of entering.

He sat down on the steel folding chair, the wrestler’s best friend for resting or attacking, and pulled the black gauze tape out of his bag. He tore off strips of the tape, and placed them on the edge of the counter. When he had enough strips, he set the roll aside and began taping up his right hand. Many times, he would forgo the tape, but he expected a war against Mr. Amazing! this time around. He carefully wrapped the gauze tightly around his hand, checking for the firm flexibility he looked for whenever he wrapped his hands.

Normally, one of his brothers would wrap the gauze for him, but he had come alone tonight. He was alone now than ever before as he distanced himself from his family. The storm of destruction coming for him would only wound them too if they were with him. He could feel it breathing down his neck harder and hotter as each day passed. By separating himself, he offered them a meager measure meant to save his extended family from harm

His enemies had already taken away his friend Stephen…

His brother John…

His lover…

He had given enough over to the darkness.

Stop, quit thinking about it Jake. Focus on the match.

Jake shook off the thoughts, and tried to bring his thoughts back to finishing the wrap. Satisfied with a few more strips over the knuckles, he pounded his fist into his open palm. The wrap was perfection is form and function, just thick enough to protect his hand while still allowing him full use of his digits. The harsh black surface separating the humanity of his flesh from the inhumanity of his deeds was a warning to the world, and Mr. Amazing! in particular.. He began tearing off another series of strips, and then switched to wrap his left hand.

With all the pressure and attention along with all the unknowns he was trying to get ready for, and he found his thoughts drifting back to Tokyo. No matter the pain, the losses and the distractions there was something about the beginning moments that could always captivate the mind. He had spent a few glorious days with her, and he wanted to spend another month, week, day or just a few minutes with her…if she would let him.

Quit going soft Jake. You need to be ready for Mr. Amazing! if you expect to win.

There it was, the animal inside keeping him lean, mean and hungry. He not only wanted to win, he planned on winning. Still, the mind could wonder off because it knew what he really wanted besides a victory.

Tokyo, Japan
December 2006

As the limousine pulled along the roads cast in yellow by the energy savings lights he listened into the report from his friend Robert. They didn’t have any rumors about Sid, and there didn’t seem to be any kind of public movement or activity. Sid Hix, his “supposed” brother, had been possessed or accepted an evil few could bare to speak about. Ever since, as he worked to bring on some kind of new dark empire, he also worked to destroy his family. It was as though he were obsessed with erasing any link to his own humanity.

“So no one has seen him at all, so far he isn’t back?” Making it sound like a trip abroad was so much easier than wondering how his soul would be ripped from Hell and reinstalled back on earth in flesh.

“Nothing Jake, so far we’re in the clear.” Robert assured him. The trace of the British accent he picked up from his days at a British boarding school in Africa as a young boy never completely left. From Africa to Jamaica to Texas, he had lived a life that uniquely prepared him for his holy mission.

Jake knew Robert was only trying to relax him, and it wasn’t working. He would only relax when he was together with her again, now that she had consented to an evening together. “He won’t stay gone Robert. Keep looking.”

“Of course.”

“Thanks, I’ll come see you when I fly back.”

“Talk to you then.” Robert hung up.

Searching the landscape for answers he had been unable to find in his own soul searching, Jake finally pushed aside all the concern and doubts. He had a date to prepare for, and being in this sort of mood would only make him poor company. As the limousine pulled into the drive of the hotel, Jake shook off the lingering sadness.

The flakes were falling, flat and fat as they seemed to float down from the heavens and kiss his charcoal gray suit jacket. He looked up into the sky, a smile gracing his features. He was enjoying the cold, and the falling snow was simply another beautiful compliment to the evening. The driver was still bowed, and rather than making him wait Jake proceeded into the hotel. In the small entryway, he brushed the snow from his shoulders before walking inside.

Receiving head bows from the staff, Jake proceeded up to the front desk. The hotel was warm and inviting, not the most richly appointed in Tokyo but last minute trips limited your options. He approached the counter and bowed his head slight.

“Good evening sir, how may I help you?” The man behind the counter asked in fluent English.

Jake knew he stood out easily as an American, “Yes, I am here to pick up one of your guests, Miss Dawn McFarlane.”

“I will call her room.”

Jake stepped away, and found a little edge where he could keep his eyes on the elevators while still avoiding the foot traffic of the guests. He waited patiently, knowing the evening was full of promise and trepidation all at the same time.

Dawn had already stepped onto one of the elevators heading down to the lobby by the time Jake was stepping away from the front desk. She'd already spent more time fussing over her clothes and hair then she was comfortable with, and refused to give the entire proceeding one more moments thought.

Gingerly she straightened the front of her tunic like top, rolling her shoulders and trying to get a feel for the fabric. With a cheerful "ping" the elevator signaled its arrival and she stepped off onto the main floor. If her height and blonde hair hadn't already made her stand out, the faux-Japanese outfit she was sporting did.

A high collared, tunic-esque top, done in bright red cloth was embroidered all over with golden dragons chasing golden flowers. It cut off about mid thigh, smoothing over a pair of almost skintight black leggings that disappeared into the tops of black, soft leather boots that went up to roughly her mid-calf.

Scanning the lobby her eyes lighted on her date and she started nervously towards him.

She was standing there, in steep contrast to the man across from her. The bright, bold red outfit stood out against his own conservative suit and heavy knit shirt, but as they approached each other there was symmetry of opposites that could not be denied. Jake looked down at her as he approached, his own eyes dancing with excitement as he felt the familiar tension between them.

“Well, to say you clean up nice would be like comparing those paintings we looked at to dung heaps.” Jake looked her up and down, not in a lewd way but simply an overt surveillance of her chosen wardrobe. “Amazing, simply amazing.”

She flushed, a reddish tinge that matched her tunic and set off the golden highlights of her hair. "I feel loud, like I'm sticking out like a sore thumb. You look good, lots more subtle than this thing."

“I think you help balance out my boredom.” Jake stepped up and kissed her gently on the cheek before offering his arm to her. “I don’t mind admitting I am starving, so would you like to go to dinner?”

"Sounds great." Hesitantly she offered out one arm. "What did you have in mind? I know a nice Teppanyaki place..."

“No, something better than that. Have you ever heard of Kaiseki meals?” Jake began leading her outside. As they approached the door he looked back down at her. “It’s cold, snowing even. Do you have a jacket?”

"Snowing? ****. I can go back up and get my duster, it's no big." She turned on one heel and started towards the elevators.

“I have no problem waiting. It appears well worth the wait.” Jake teased.

She flushed again. "I'll be right back."

Dashing back to the elevator she beat feet down the hall when the doors opened on her floor, puasing only long enough to grab her trademark duster and lock the door again. When she stepped from the elevator it was to the comforting swoosh of the coat around her ankles. "Sorry. So what's this...Kaiseki?"

“Are you familiar with the Japanese tea ceremony?”

She nodded, falling into step beside him. "Yeah. Mifune-sensei tried to teach it to me, but apparently I'm too impatient."

Jake laughed, “Impetuousness of youth or something, huh? Well, the meal kind of grew out of the ceremony. You have a tasting menu as it were, where you are focused back on a slow enjoyment of not only the food, but the art of the food with it’s color, presentation and exquisite flavor. This isn’t something you rush, but something you relish each moment. I made a reservation at a restaurant that specializes in the menu.”

“The reason we dressed up is the surroundings are equally beautiful, if not more beautiful than the meal itself.” Jake winked at her, “So you’ll fit right in.”

She blushed again, this time a fiery red. "Don't you think you're overdoing the flattery a little?" It was teasing, said with a light tone.

“I think it’s just the shock of the outfit is all. You know, that night we met at the club you were dressed differently, but it was more of a…an…overt enticement.” Jake opened the door leading to the chilled nighttime air. “I think the surprise of seeing you in the outfit has gotten to me. But you’re right; I shouldn’t compliment you at all. I’ll just treat you with general indifference if you prefer?”

The playful look he gave her as the driver opened the limousine door was too much. He was enchanted, and it showed. He wondered what she might be thinking, this being their first true date although they had flirted for quite some time. There was always the memory of what seemed to almost happen in Las Vegas, but what happens in Vegas stays in Vegas after all.

She snorted, giving him a light punch in the arm. "I'd just rather you not make it seem like such a big deal. I do -occasionally- wear nice things, I just prefer comfortable things."

She started to get into the limo, then paused to readjust her coat. "I'd forgotten how hard it is to get in and out of vehicles in this..."

“Well, if you want me to less surprised, I’ll just have to see it more often.” Jake offered his hand to assist, “Allow me.”

"Thanks." She took it, managing to slip into the Limousine and scootch across on one of the long seats. "Wow, nice. Don't ride in these terribly often."

“When I’m in another country, it’s always a car and driver. In Japan, a limousine works great for when we all go out together.” Jake explained as he slipped inside. The driver moved around and quickly pulled away.

"Ah. I bring my own car or my bike if I can, otherwise I think we just tend to rent something small." She grinned at him, "Most of our partying gets done at home or in the privacy of our hotel."

“Half my life seems to be spent at restaurants and clubs. I end up doing publicity work or arranging deals there, and the food is always great, although it means I spend extra time on the treadmill the next day.” Jake had to admit.

"I've never figured out how you manage it." She said, turning to look out the window at the falling snow. "I can't stand to be around the people associated with this sport most of the time. It's all I can do not to shove a mic or autograph pen down someone's throat."

“I guess I’m used to it because I had so many brothers and sisters growing up, and then there was football. I’m used to being surrounded by people, but then when I get off the road I enjoy the solitude even more than I used to.” Jake looked out the window. “Besides, I made friends in so many cities, the tours are just a way to catch up to people. That’s the only bad part about Global being in Dallas full time now except for the end of the year.”

"I dunno..." She murmured, eyes fixed on the fat flakes zipping by the limousine window. Slowly they refocused and she turned slightly to look at him, hands on her lap.

"Can I ask you a strange question?"

“Yes, this is my real hair, and I’m not a client of the Hair Club For Men.” Jake smirked. “I am an executive though.”

One corner of her mouth turned up in an amused smirk, that signature half smile that had maddened so many opponents. "I didn't peg you for working at a hair company. Feel bad for men who don't have the luscious head of hair you do?"

“It’s tough to be beautiful, but don’t hate me for it. So what’s your question?” Jake leaned back slightly, “Let’s see how strange you can be.”

Setting her chin in her hand, Dawn half turned her eyes back to the window. "Have you ever wondered if you're in the right place? Doing the things you're supposed to be doing? That maybe you've been wrong all along?"

“Remind me again, how old are you?”

She stuck her tongue out at him. "Isn't it rude to ask a lady her age?"

“You told me to quit being so nice, so in this case I am following a lady’s instructions.” Jake looked over at her, “Now seriously, how old are you again?”

She fidgeted a little, knowing she was walking into a trap and there wasn't anything she could do about it. "I turned twenty five in October."

“So fifty then.”

Blinking she turned back to him. "What?"

“Well, if you’re having your mid-life crisis now, then that means you’re going to live to the ripe old age of fifty.” Jake gave a little laugh. “I’m joking, but everyone feels that way from time to time. Hell, I just do this because it’s what I’ve always done, and it’s a great way to let out my aggression without being arrested. I…I looked inside first, and then I looked to a higher power. If I’m supposed to be doing something else, it’ll find me. Besides, I do plenty of good using the name recognition I have, so that helps a little.”

"I...I'm not so sure anymore. I've been trying so hard to live up to the example Dad left behind, trying to be the kind of wrestler he was." She shook her head, eyes gazing blankly out the window. "I just don't know if it's what I'm supposed to be doing..."

“You know, I think all anyone ever wants for their children is for them to be healthy and happy. You slugged me, so I know you’re healthy, and all he would want is for you to be happy with whatever you want to be. If that’s a wrestler then great, do it for yourself. If it’s something else, then be happy there.” Jake offered. “For now, I think he’d want you to enjoy dinner and a date. But that could just be me.”

Grinning she looked over at him, blowing him a mock kiss. "I think Dad might be a little perturbed that I was dating someone his age that he also happened to know and work with."

Jake raised his eyebrow in shock, “How old do you think I am exactly?”

Dawn made a mock thinking face, tapping one finger against her chin. "Oh I'd say you couldn't be a day over...fifty."

Grinning impishly she stuck her tongue out again.

“I guess I do need to see a damned dermatologist.” Jake shook his head. “Let’s just say about the time you were entering elementary I graduated high school, but not THAT long ago. As for your dad, I think he liked me enough, and would have approved. Man, fifty!?! I’m not normally sensitive, but fifty? I’m gonna make the restaurant get me a wheelchair just for that.”

She laughed at that, a genuinely happy sound that drifted through the limo like a melody. Grinning in a satisfied manner she raised on knee and rested her elbow on it. "Heehee, I thought you'd like that. In all honesty I would say late thirties."

“Much nicer. Anyway…where were we?” He looked at her pondering the flow of their conversation. “Right, your mid-life crisis, how could I forget about that? Well, I like the idea that if you don’t know what you want you wonder around for a bit to find it. So just think of this as your wondering days to find yourself.”

"Wondering days eh?" Her chin found it's way back to the hand who's elbow rested on her knee. "I'm in sort of a critical period to be spending any time wondering don't you think?"

“You want me to be philosophical?” Jake wondered aloud. “With everything happening, some religions would say you need to be locked inside a room and given no food or water until the spirits showed you the way. Others would burn you now out of fear. Others would pray with you every single day until you found the answer. My favorite are the ones who say live your life, or laugh as much as possible as enlighten or truth finds its own way.”

“For me, I think maybe you should do whatever your heart calls you to do. If you let fear or being too serious rule you, then you won’t make smart choices. You know who you are inside, even if your brain and fear gets in the way of the truth. So just keep on keeping on.”

A smile worked onto her lips at that, small and sad looking, but still a smile. "I didn't even mean all of that. I meant as far as my life...my career."

Turning away from the window once more she fixed her emerald eyes on him. "NC-17 is the biggest night ever. It represents everything I've come to work for, everything that wrestling means to me...and everything it could cost me."

“Ah, a more practical consideration.” Jake had to think about it. “Does losing mean you aren’t good enough to be champion? Does it mean you’re a failure? I mean, if so then for all last year I was nothing when I got my title taken away, I kept losing tournaments and battle royals. I think you’re going to win, but I might be a little biased. Worst case scenario, I’d still put my money on you over anyone else Dawn.”

"That's part of my problem." She shifted away from the window entirely, her body twisting to face him on the leather seating. "I want that. I want people to see me that way, as the unbeatable force they can rely on...but not at the expense of my relationship. NC-17 is big for so many reasons, and the World Title just ties it all together. Lia and I in the same ring again..."

Blonde hair swung back and forth as she shook her head.

“Yeah, but you won’t be in the ring with Lia. That’s not Lia standing across the ring from you, is it? That’s Shadow ready to fight.” Jake twisted toward her, trying to capture her full attention. “When you step through the ropes, it has to be about the match at hand. I’ve been in the ring with you, her, my brothers, my friends and every time we all knew when it was the match it was all about the match. You have to set the personal feelings aside for the thirty minutes or however long it takes. If your relationship, which just happened to start in this profession, isn’t strong enough then it wasn’t meant to be.”

“Hell, Lia hasn’t had a problem with you seeing me like this. She’s a very smart woman, and she has a much more open view I think. You could kick the **** out of her inside the ring, and if you kissed the bruises for her she wouldn’t think twice because she knows Dawn, but inside the ring you're her opponent Dawn McFarlane.” Jake looked away for a moment before turning back. “That’s what I wanted to think about on our date. Kind of put my own foot in my mouth there, huh?”

Dawn smiled softly at that, reaching up to tap her collar lightly. "Hey, you knew about this when you asked me out."

“Yeah, I just thought maybe I shouldn’t bring up your girlfriend on our date. Just seems poor form on my part, not yours.” Jake shrugged, “I’m going back to charming flattery.”

"Gotta stick with your strengths right?" She winked, looking out the window as the limo slowed. "Is this the place?"

“We’re almost there, we’re going to the rear entrance. And if I stick to my strengths that would be my luscious locks as you said earlier? Not sure I can just sit here and look pretty all night, I can sit here all night, but that’s about it.”

The street wound around the snow swept trees to a private entrance where two men stood watch in front of a brick fence and wooden gate. They opened the door for the guests, and recognized the large man who stepped out with a smile.

“Mr. Hix, welcome back sir.” The man spoke in Japanese.

Jake nodded as he responded in flawless Japanese, “Always good to come back.”

He offered his hand to Dawn, and helped her out of the car. The men opened the doors, and they stepped onto a raised wooden walkway where they could look down at the immaculately manicured gardens. Where normally the delicate flowers would have been a bloom of colors for their senses, here they were boxed in by the piles of snow, but the same snow made the bare trees and fountains even more breathtaking. The limbs were encased in ice, almost frozen in time. The mist settled over the entire scene was owed to the warm water of the fountains touching the cooler air around.

Jake led Dawn across the picturesque landscape onto the main landing. The lacquered wood was deep rose, and the time had only enhanced the beauty of the master craftsman’s work. The sliding Shoji screen was pulled aside, and an older woman came walking out, her heavy black kimono pulled around herself tightly.

“Mr. Hix, we are honored to have you with us again.” The woman spoke in English, her eyes fixed down to avert his gaze. “We have prepared a room for you and Dawn as soon as you are ready. Please, follow me.”

They were led down a hallway with the same wood, obviously lovingly built by someone who wanted the home itself to showcase the commitment to excellence the chefs would be displaying. There were rice paper paintings along the walls as well as sculptures set on raised platforms.

The woman pulled aside the sliding screen, and they stepped inside. Jake came in after Dawn, and slid his arms down as he removed his shoes and placed them on the bamboo shoe rack. Dawn looked slightly embarrassed as she had more trouble removing her own boots in her own clothes. Jake offered a steadying hand as needed.

“May I take your coats?” The woman asked.

“Please.” Jake removed his own suit jacket, passing it along before helping Dawn remove her duster. The woman took the jackets and disappeared.

“Let’s sit down.” Jake offered her the choice of seats. She took the left side of the table. There were padded mats for sitting, and Jake waited as he offered an arm to help her lower onto the mat. Dawn had trouble, but accepted his hand more in gratitude than need. He walked around, and lowered himself down onto the mat opposite her.

There was a small table between them now, as they stared across at each other. Jake looked up, and saw the giant Kanji with it’s inviting sentiment “May food bring you calm and peace”, another indication this was an experience beyond simply filling your belly.

“So what do you think of the restaurant?”

"I wouldn't know that's what it was if you hadn't told me." Dawn was still kind of awestruck, taking in the rich wood of the shoji frames and the contrasting white of the rice paper walls. "I didn't even know places like this still existed but for the obscenely rich."

“Actually, the lunch menu is priced so plenty of the suits can come in and grab a bite, unless they’re still chained to their desks. Dinner though, that’s when they offer these rooms for meetings, or like us, a private dining area for couples. The main room was out front, and it does brisk business as well. One of the little gems I found when I was over here before.” Jake looked around. “I think I come back because in Tokyo, it’s one of the few quiet spots I ever found.”

Nodding in appreciation, Dawn brought her gaze back to his. "I tend to avoid Tokyo for that very reason. Generally when I'm here it's on business or I'm staying with Mifune Sensei."

She trailed one fingernail idly over the table lacquered surface. "He's invited me to come on as one of the school's full time instructors."

“That’s an honor rarely paid to a gaijin.” Jake smiled in his appreciation as the sliding door opened. A young woman came scampering in on her knees, but her kimono never seemed to pull improperly. She reached back out into the hallway and pulled the tray back inside. She came over to the table as Jake continued speaking.

“Does teaching at the school interest you? That would be a big change of pace for you.” Jake eyed the server for a moment before continuing. “Does he know about, your unique…heritage?”

The woman set the wooden tray down on the floor beside the table. She pulled out two porcelain teacups and set them down in front of the couple. She poured a generous amount of tea for each of them before pulling a small stone receptacle where she set the teapot in. She went out silently, following the same formal pattern she had entered with.

"I think he at least...suspects something different. I know he and Lia spoke some about it when she was there, but he won't speak to me of what they said." She frowned, "Not that I think it matters much to him honestly, he's been so good to me ever since we met."

"There's just one problem." She said with a sigh.

“Which is?” Jake saw the concern painted on her face.

"I would have to leave GCW. I couldn't be wrestling full time all over the globe and training full time at the Academy." The frown deepened. "...and I'm more tempted then I thought I'd be."

“Well, and if you’re in Japan full time, then wouldn’t Lia be…” He let his thought trail off. “And of course, I wouldn’t be…”

"Exactly. I'd be giving up a lot to gain a lot."

Jake reached out and picked up the teacup. In his hand, it looked more like a child’s teacup than one for an adult. He took a slow sip of the tea, allowing the warmth to travel through his torso. “That’s a tough decision. What attracts you to the academy?”

"A lot of things. Studying under the master again, teaching, passing on my legacy and my fathers legacy. The solitude some I guess..." She laughed, "I suppose when I compare it to what I'm losing, it doesn't seem like such a great idea."

“I think it calls to the other part of your nature, and sometimes when that hasn’t been nourished as much as the others it’s a strong draw. You see the parts of yourself you’ve been neglecting.” Jake took another sip of his tea, finishing the serving. “Nothing wrong with that, but you have to decide which is more important. Not an easy choice, but why not wait until you’ve had a full career?”

"I guess I'm just...uncertain about my career right now." A wry grin flashed his way, "Doesn't that seem ridiculous? I'm poised to go into one of the biggest matches of my career, with almost everything on the line...and I'm questioning my place."

“No, not ridiculous at all. At least not depending on which personality I’m talking to, huh?” Jake teased. “Have some tea, it’ll help warm you.”

"Hey, there's only one of us in here." She replied with a wink, lifting the tea for a sip.

“And what fine company she is.” Jake looked over to the door, knowing they would be coming in soon. “Have you ever eaten a Kaiseki menu before?”

"I've never even heard the word before. What is it?"

“I think this is going to something you’ll always remember. Kaiseki is a meal designed to touch each and every sense. It started with the tea ceremony, and used to be a very simple, vegetarian meal served with it. From there, it grew into a much more robust and refined meal. The entire goal is present the food, the meal really, in a complete way. There’s fourteen courses in the entire meal.” Jake began to explain.

“We’re eating fourteen courses!” Dawn seemed shocked. She had been through seven course meals, but fourteen was unheard of in her experience. “That’s a lot of food!”

Jake stifled his own laughter, “You afraid you’ll gain an ounce or two?”

“Are you calling me skinny?”

“I’m just saying your figure isn’t something you need to worry about.” Jake defended himself quickly.

“It’s not the last meal you’ll ever eat. Think of it more of a taste of life, a little sliver of the delicacies to delight you, not completely overwhelm you.” Jake assured her. The screen opened, and the woman returned with a black tray covered with food and two sets of pale green chopsticks. “The food will be almost as good as the company. I’m glad you accepted my invitation Dawn, I really am.”

The woman set two small ceramic cups down for each of them, and then the ceramic pot filled with the house’s best sake. She wiped away a couple of small spots from the tea, and then left them again.

Before them on the tray, the starters were arranged more like artwork than food. Dawn looked down, “That’s beautiful.”

“They know what they’re doing. I haven’t seen it this beautiful in a very long time. Back home, this is overlooked a lot of the times.” Jake began explaining the dishes to Dawn, unsure if she would recognize all of them. “The shiizakana is basically the appetizers as it were, and it’s served with warm sake. Uhm, this looks like a great assortment of food. That’s dried mullet roe with daikon radish, salmon roe with grated yamaimo potato, flounder, marinated in kelp, mountain caviar, dashi gelatin, stuffed shiitake mushrooms, gingko nuts in pine skewers, rice cracker coated shrimp, and deep fried snap peas in sesame sauce.”

“Mullet roe? Not the hairstyle I hope." She flashed a wink and popped a snow pea back, eyes fluttering closed as she made a contented noise. "Mmmm...now that's good."

“I never knew it was a hairstyle. Like a redneck with crap in his mullet maybe?” Jake said as he lifted the chopsticks, and expertly snatched a shrimp. He enjoyed the texture and slightly sweet flavor. “I’ve been hungry all day, and this looks like a promising start.”

"You need better company." She said, deftly popping back another snow pea. "I'm sure they would say that the tempestuousness of my thoughts will disrupt the balance of the food."

“I doubt that, it simply adds another layer to the senses, don’t you think?” The tempting looks he gave back to her were just as “disruptive” under her theory.

Clapping a hand over her mouth to forestall any explosion of half chewed food, Dawn laughed and managed not to make a mess at the same time. When the snow pea was safely devoured she mock glared, pointing at him with her chopstick. "You sir, are a shameless flirt.”

“I won’t disagree with that.” They continued in light banter and flirting as they finished the first tray of food. Jake poured sake for them both, being frugal to ensure they could enjoy the entirety of the meal. Just as they were finishing, their server returned with another tray. This one was small and simple, pale green with pickled ginger in one corner and fresh wasabi in the other with four pieces of sashimi arranged with expert care. She traded out the plates and left.

Jake was pleased, “Toro, my favorite, and some ebi to go along with it.”

“I'm nervous I guess." She half blurted out, trailing the tip of one chopstick through a small bowl of sauce. "I can't get it off my mind. Like I'm sleeping, breathing and eating NC-17 right now."

“That sounds like you’re underage trying to sneak into a movie you shouldn’t be seeing.”

A derisive snort met that comment as she snapped up another morsel with her chopsticks. "More like trying not to sneak in or out of the main event. This is practically my one year anniversary in GCW, I want it to be huge."

“Yeah, the one year is the time to make the impact. That’s when I took the second World Title in Global, so I know exactly what you mean.” Jake dropped some of the ginger and wasabi atop his sashimi. He picked the entire piece up, “If you can get past fighting Shadow, you can win it.”

He took the entire piece in his mouth and let the fatty tuna almost melt. He slowly chewed then took it into his belly, “It won’t be easy, but you can do it.”

"I've done it before...just..." She shook her head, lips pursed. "Three ways are a big weakness of mine. I have a harder time keeping track of both people and it really shows once I get out there."

Jake had to cover his mouth to avoid spitting out the sake he had just taken in. He wasn’t trying to go there, but it was too difficult not to considering everything. He began adding wasabi to his small soy sauce bowl and covered it, “I’m, yeah…I’m sure you’ll do fine. We all struggle in those, but you do the best you can.”

Blonde bangs parted as she looked up, a mischievous gleam in one eye. "Thinking of a different kind of three way dance Mr. Hix?"

Giving him innocent eyes she took another sip of her tea.

“I only think of pure things, Ms. McFarlane.” He didn’t add that was purely delightful and purely mischievous. “Seriously, it won’t be easy considering who you’re fighting, but you can still take them.”

They were wrapping up the sashimi when their server returned with the kuchitori, or side dish. They had a sweetened bean paste in front of them, “You can never really get this in the states, not of good enough quality. Some ingredients just don’t translate across the oceans. The bean paste is never the same as it is here.”

"Amen to that. When Mifune-sensei visited he said the same thing. I've had some not bad stuff out in Vancouver though, at some of the Chinese markets." She paused, chewing thoughtfully before speaking again. "What would you do...in my shoes."

“Not go back to those markets, maybe?” Seeing her smile at his teasing, he was filled with a sense of relief and happiness. Everything was going well, and better than he thought it would have. “I would simply do my best in the match, and then keep on in your career. I’ve been in the business longer than I should have, and you could have a heck of a run and be done by the time you’re thirty. There’s plenty of time for the rest of your life.”

A soft smile slipped onto her lips. "It sounds so simple when you say it."

“Concise maybe, but I know it isn’t easy for you.” Jake replied, watching her to see what she might betray in her thoughts. He did worry about her, and she seemed to have the weight of the world on her sometimes. He knew better than anyone how that felt.

"You remember that painting you showed me in Nevada? The one of the guy on the dock, with chaos on both sides?"

“I remember.” A simple purchase a long time ago, and it help more meaning to him personally than artistic or financial value. He still remembered their time in Las Vegas well. “I still have it hanging.”

"I guess I feel kind of like that. I want this and I want it bad, I can feel it right down to the pit of my stomach. There's just...other stuff involved."

“There always is. I don’t know what the best choice for you is, and I certainly have my own motives.” Jake thought to Spain. “Do you remember the picture I showed you in Spain? The one with the rifles aimed at the men for execution?”

"Yeah, the one that was supposed to be inspiring right?" Her voice contained a certain degree of derision, being as she didn't find it inspiring at all.

“Inspiring yes, but also showing the tension in a dynamic way. You can see the choices out in front of you, but there’s still lots of tension no matter what you do. If you believe in fate, then your response is sealed. So if you believe in fate, don’t worry so much, just accept it.” Jake explained, “If you don’t believe in fate, and I don’t, then make the decision your heart says it should make.”

"Sea bass eh? I'm not a big fish person but...first time for everything. Gambatte" She used her own spoon to retrieve a slice, popping it into her mouth. It was clear, however, that her attention was elsewhere.

Like the contrast of the stark, cold snow falling in the night around them compared to the fine artistic flair of the Kaiseki, her mind was awash with conflicting wants and desires.

The legacy of her father loomed large, made that much more achievable by a chance to truly live up to his name...contrasting the doubt and uncertainty she had over facing Shadow once again. Aimlessly she stared into the falling snow, each snowflake like it's own possibility in her mind…

“What are you thinking about Dawn?” Jake wondered where she had allowed her mind to wonder off to, but he was afraid of what the answer could be because their relationship was still in a delicate stage.

"What am I not thinking about might be a better question..." She sighed, toying with one piece of sea bass.

“Who’s going to win the National Title Game in College Football?”

"That would be one of the things I'm not thinking about" she said, making a face.

“Then we’re making progress.” He smiled softly, knowing she was not completely comfortable even though she wanted to be here with him. “How about we talk about something else? Since talking about you hasn’t worked, what about me? What do you want to know about the enigma that is Jake Hix?”

Grinning she set her elbows on the table, resting her chin in her hands. "Hmmm, open access to Jake Hix hmmm? That's a broad field..."

“You didn’t just call me a broad, did you?” Jake shook his head. “You wouldn’t let me get away with calling you that.”

He finished his soup, enjoying the full flavor of the traditional broth.

Jake Hix
01-13-07, 01:09 AM
Double Post. Sorry

01-18-07, 05:22 PM
I think I've been insulted.

No...no, that's not it at all.

I KNOW I've been insulted.

Jake Hix. Be careful what you wish for. Because you are about to see your dreams come true. You heard me right. I'm about to make your fantasy a reality. Because as near as I can tell you've got your mind on other things, Jake. You're sitting around daydreaming about God knows what instead of focusing on The Champion of Champions match at SuperShow II. Not that I blame you for trying to find a happy place before I slam you headfirst through the windsheild of reality, but Jesus Christ, Hix, you were already going to be defeated by me but with this lack of respect you're showing me I have half a mind to make it hurt.

Now I'm not going to sit here and try to wrap my little old head around whatever it is that has you vexxed, Jake. Frankly, I don't care. I know that you're a well rounded and emotionally layered individual that has so much more going on in your life than just wrestling and that sometimes you just need to sit there and tape up your fists while you gaze dramatically off in the distance and think about just how complex you really are outside of the ring. That's great Jake, really it is. I'm happy for you that you lead such a complete life. But, see, here's the thing - wrong place, wrong time.

Hi - I'm MrAmazing - the guy that has the pleasure of mopping the ring with those rugged good looks of yours this week. So do me the common ****ing courtesy of choosing any time but now to sit there like a brainless bag of goat **** and reflect on the other aspects of your life, because seriously, no one cares. There are people that have paid good money to see you attempt to wrestle me and in a few days they are going to get into their cars and drive to an arena where they will squeeze their fat asses into seats that aren't meant to support their girth while they pay 45 dollars for 3 hot dogs and a beer and they are going to want more from their investment than you are currently offering. Granted, you don't have nearly enough to make the whole thing worth their while, but that's where I come in and overcompensate yet again for the shortcomings of my opponents.

Here's the deal Jake - I'm sure you've got some issues that you're trying to sort through and that you just need some time away from the ring to feel and act like a normal person. I'll let you in on a little secret - we all need that from time to time. It's sort of part of being a human being. The problem is that you have apparently decided that your alone time and your time at the office can overlap, and that might work for you on someone else's watch, but this week you've just proven that you have a lack of respect for your opponent. Now sometimes that might not be such a bad thing, as you seem to be a guy who knows his way around a weight room and a ring, but this week your opponent happens to be me, and whether you can wrap your head around it or not, I'm not quite as forgiving as everyone else. In order to have a prayer of competing with me you were going to have to be on your absolute A-Game this week Hix, and youv'e already shown me that you're not. Now the hardest part of this whole match is going to be decided which move in my vast arsenal to employ in your defeat.

And when I'm done with you, whatever you've been so wrapped up in all week, well you'll have PLENTY of time to devote your full attention to that Jake, because you'll be in no condition for actual in ring activity. I'm sure that'll come as a huge relief to you, because it's painfully obvious that your head is simply not in the game.

Jake Hix
01-19-07, 05:31 AM
The camera opens up to Jake Hix sitting on the bench in his locker room. He smiles as he grabs his black “Big Dawg” tee shirt and pulls it on over his naked torso. Jake shakes his head.

“Mr. Amazing! it seems I should call you psychic boy, knowing what I’m thinking. You truly are an amazing man it seems. You seem annoyed there A-Boy. I mean, is it an inferiority complex that drives you to react so strongly when the entire attention of the world isn’t focused squarely on you? I guess maybe momma let you suck at her nipples until you were five or six with how damn needy you are. That left plenty of psychological scarring for all of us to suffer through. So I don’t lay all the blame for your pathetic behavior on you, momma has to shoulder some of the blame.

Let’s talk about truth for a few moments A-Boy. Many individuals are capable of handling many thoughts running through their head at one time. This may seem foreign to your one-track mind A-Boy, but it works for many of us, so don’t be alarmed. You see, I’m not worried about facing you A-Boy. There’s no fear running through my veins, no cold sweat breaking out and I never felt the sudden urge to pray for an answer. No, your concern for the fans is almost touching. You think you deserve any respect from me A-Boy? What have you done you earn respect from me? I’m not asking for any respect in return either. I don’t ask for respect, I take respect. I’m going to take that respect from you inside the ring. I’m going to bounce you like a damn superball, and then every single fan in the world will have their money’s worth. I’m going to pay the ultimate favor to the fans and break your jaw so they don’t have to listen to the constant stream of bull**** spewing forth from it.

Now, that was a lot of words to throw your way A-Boy. With your simple focus, you may not have understood everything I said. I’m nothing if not an effective communicator, so let me try and get it down to a level of sarcasm and simplicity even you can understand. To do that, I’ve made a little video just for you.”

The image of Jake Hix fades away.

The feed cuts over to a very bright and neon filled world.


The words ring out in bright neon as the introduction music millions of children around the world, and likely A-Boy, are intimately familiar with. Elmo comes prancing onto the screen.

“Hello boys and girls. Elmo wants to do something special today. We want to talk to a wrestler. Who should it be?” Elmo asks.

Behind him, two windows come up. The pink window features the picture of Mr. Amazing! looking proud and arrogant. The green window shows an equally arrogant Jake Hix.

Elmo looks back and forth then points to A-Boy, “I don’t want to talk to THAT guy. Let’s talk to Jake Hix!”

The two pictures disappear, and Jake Hix comes walking onto the scene. The camera has to pull back considerably to fit both Elmo and Jake in frame. The Big Dawg give Elmo a sinister smile.

“Welcome to Elmo’s World Jake Hix!” Elmo says as he keeps looking the man up and down. “You’re a giant!”

“That’s what she said Elmo.”

“What?” Elmo looks at the camera confused.

“Nothing.” Jake snickers. “Now Elmo, I have a special game for you today. We’re going to play word of the day.”

“Elmo doesn’t want to play word of the day. Elmo wants to play…” The fuzzy red puppet begins.

Jake leans down ominously, “I said WORD OF THE DAY. Get it?”

Elmo swallows a gulp of air in fear, “Word of the day.”

“Right, now our word of the day today is amazing. Say it with me Elmo.” Both of them look at the camera, “AMAZING!”

“Good, and do you know what a synonym is Elmo?”

Elmo looks confused, “A synmononymsiom?”

“Elmo, listen carefully, a synonym.” Jake pats him on his head roughly, “No wonder you and A-Boy get along. You see Elmo, a synonym is a word that has the same meaning as another word. Like joy and happiness. So today, we’re going to talk about synonyms for amazing.”

“Oh, okay!” Elmo seems excited. “Elmo loves synmononymsioms!”

“I’m sure you do. Now, when we think of Mr. Amazing! we have to think about synonyms. So another word for amazing is astonishing.”

“Astonishing means amazing?” Elmo asks.

“Right, like it’s astonishing Mr. Amazing! thinks he has what it takes to beat me inside the squared circle. That’s just astonishing he could be that dense Elmo.” Jake grabs a chair from the side and pulls it out. He sits down to make it easier for Elmo to talk with him.

“Oh! Yeah! Elmo gets it! What other synmononymsioms are there?” Elmo looks up eagerly.

Jake slaps the back of Elmo’s head, “Synonyms Elmo, synonyms. Now another few words are astounding and awesome. It’s astounding A-Boy has his head so far up his ass he can’t view the awesome sight that is Jake Hix. If he wasn’t so amazing, he wouldn’t be astounding the world with such flexibility and would understand he’s going to broken like a twig.”

“You can’t say that word on Elmo’s World!” Elmo’s mouth is agape in shock.

“What? Astounding?”

“No! You can’t say ass!” Elmo throws his hands over his mouth after he realizes he said it.

“Elmo, another synonym is bewildering. It means so amazing as to confuse, and I’m bewildered you cans ay the word when I can’t. That doesn’t seem fair.”

“Elmo didn’t meant os ay it!” He protests.

“But you did. The Parents Television Council is going to be all over you now Elmo.” Jake thought about it for a moment, “And do you know how breathtaking it is to see those uptight homemakers and goody goodies get all wound up about this stuff? See, breathtaking is another synonym.”

“Elmo’s gonna need a lawyer.” Elmo looks up to the camera sad.

“A whole army of them. Exceptional lawyers.” Jake watches Elmo carefully.

Elmo’s face brighten, “Mr. Jake, is exceptional a symnonym?”

“No, but it is a synonym.” Jake still can’t believe the damn Muppet can’t pronounce the word. He feels like he’s talking to A-Boy. “It’s extraordinary a brain stuffed with red cotton can recognize that. Now, let’s talk about some others beside exceptional and extraordinary.”

“You see, when A-Boy and Jake Hix step into the ring, it won’t be an easy match. I’m not saying it will be, but I still plan on winning Elmo. Let’s count how many synonyms I sue describing the match, okay?”


Jake looks away from the moppet into the camera, “In an incredible and thrilling encounter, the wrestling world will finally see the spectacular display of prowess they’ve been waiting for between Jake and A-Boy. With his retarded strength and single-minded knowledge of holds, A-Boy will put on the type of stupefying display of moves that no doubt cause hair-raising excitement in the crowd! The heart-pounding and spine tingling efforts will all be for not! It will be inconceivable to A-Boy that Jake Hix with his three basic types of moves will defeat him. In a stunning display of strikes, suplexes and submissions Jake Hix will come out victorious once again. The wrestling world will wake-up to the startling realization that even thought A-Boy talks a lot of game, he ran into the impressive physical specimen he was no match for at all. And the magnificent power and cruelty of the Big Dawg will win the day.” Jake Hix pauses for a moment.

“Now Elmo, how many synonyms was that?”

Elmo is scratching his Muppet head, “I don’t know!”

The Count comes walking onto the screen, “That was eleven synonyms!”

Jake and Elmo laugh as the Count walks off screen.

Jake’s face turns dark and serious for a moment, “All the games aside, it’s going to be miraculous if you walk out of the ring A-Boy. You’ve got some impressive skills, but even a fantastic display of your abilities won’t mean anything against me. You will find it all wondrous as you try and figure out what happened. Instead of worrying about my mental well-being, start worrying about your own physical safety. Once the bell sounds, you’re going to end up like every single other man to stand across from me. I’m going to take you down, break you down and make you my *****!”

Elmo’s face is in shock, “You can’t say that on Elmo’s World!”


“*****!” Elmo throws his hands over his mouth again.

Jake slaps the back of Elmo’s head, “If you can say *****, then so can I!”

The Count comes back out, “That was three *****es!”

“Count, what about Mr. Amazing! who we’ve been talking about?” Jake reminds him.

The Count considers the point, “That’s four *****es then!”

“Very soon, it will be.” We see Jake’s smiling face as the camera fades to black.

Elmo’s World Recap
22 Synonyms
4 *****es
And soon to be ***** for life…Mr. Amazing!

01-19-07, 06:08 PM
MrAmazing leans on his desk, his arms folded and a bit of a perplexed look on his face.

Well, I guess now we all know why Jake doesn't talk so much. Do yourself a favor big man, go back to the locker room and find some kind of sporting equipment to surround yourself with or put on your grotesque frame so that you can avoid the embarrassment of actually having to speak for yourself. Someone will be by in a little while with a plate of meat for you to knaw on while you wait for someone to put your leash on and guide you to the ring. In the meantime there'll be a camera man there to put up some fancy lights and get some beautiful b-roll of you staring at shiny things so that you can go back to looking serious and introspective in the hopes that we can all forget about that unfortunate abomination you just unleashed upon the world.

In all seriousness Jake, that was terrible.

I blame myself. If I had known that you were such a thin skinned panty waist I wouldn't have made you cry like a little girl with a skinned knee with all of my nasty words. Good thing I was SO off the mark calling you out for having your head in the clouds when you should be concentrating on the match. Glad I didn't strike a chord with that one and send you in to a foul mouthed tirade which ended in the unfortunate injury of an innocent puppeteer. It's ironic that you would choose to focus your anger on a muppet when it's your strings that are so easily manipulated. I'm sure you didn't get that. Pay someone to explain it to you.

Of course, there is the fact that I'm absolutely REELING from the crushing blow dealt when you decided to come up with a clever nickname for me. A-Boy. Come on Jake, you don't have to hit to hurt. Have some compassion man. You know damned well that my name is not A-Boy and is in fact MrAmazing. My feelings? Crushed. But you don't care, do you? I'm trying to remember when I have faced such an intimidating opponent. We all tremble at the sight of your path of destruction. Sticks and stones and felt and buttons lie strewn in your wake! Will the madness never end?

Oh wait. It will. When I shove my boot down your throught and scrape you off of the bottom of it on the ring steps at SuperShow II. Perhaps some lucky ringside fan will plop part of you in a bag and take you home as a very special souvenir, considering I leave a big enough chunk behind after I am done with you. Regardless, rest assured, you're probably the single most pathetic excuse for a wrestler that I have ever had the displeasure of stepping into the ring with and to think, they are actually going to give me a Championship for beating you. Fortunately it won't take me long to get the whole damn thing over with and then you'll be just like everyone else that has come before you - broken and forgotten. Hell, maybe afterwards I should take a vacation in your home fed and bring my three neices along to beat whoever it is that you've bested to earn your spot here. I'll take some pictures for the boys back home because, seriously, no one is going to believe this.

Jake - simply put - I'm better than you. I know that might sound lacking in the drama department, but I'm a sucker for the classics and you can't argue that they never go out of style. And hey, you don't even have to be a psychic to see where this is headed.

So maybe you can get someone to dress it up for you and you can bring Fozzy Bear in to deliver the message if that's what rocks your socks, but the content will say the same. And while you're busy trying to take my respect Jake, I'll just take the win and be done with you.

MrAmazing has taken his jacket off and unbuttoned the right sleeve of his shirt, rolling it up to the elbow and revealing his trademark tattoo of his mother on his forarm.

Oh, and if you really have an issue to take up with my mother Jake, well trust me, you're going to get your chance.

MrA! pulls a familiar looking contraversial forearm pad and slides it up over his arm. He smacks it hard and the sound echoes in the room.

See you in Austin, Big Dawg.

Jake Hix
01-19-07, 07:14 PM
Out in the hallway, various workers pass by the man seated on the folding chair. Jake Hix looks up at the camera waiting for the workers to pass by. “Yes Mr. Amazing!, you’re absolutely right. We should all bow down and kiss your feet for being honored with your presence. How dare anyone ever try to even speak with you or do anything different. What was I thinking? I should have known I could not compare to the incredible Mr. Amazing!. I am a simpleton, with simple needs and simple pleasures. Your deep arrogance comes from a wellspring of skill and talent I could never understand. The simple complexities of your name astound and confuse me on a regular basis. How dare I call you another name, with more than one meaning, since I could never be on the same level as you are. I should just pack up my suitcase and not even bother to go to the ring.”

Jake Hix hangs his head low as he continues, “You should be my idol. I should accept that you are the bar set for us all to reach. I too long one day to sit behind a desk, and talk and talk and talk. I just want to always be behind the desk, sometimes sitting on the desk, or at least generally be around the desk. Alas, that was far too complicated for me. I ordered the desk, a nice beautiful one made of oak. Unfortunately, I was a poor planner and organizer. The desk could not arrive in time, so I had to cancel my order. ”

Jake begins motioning all sorts of construction directions until he shakes his arms in frustration. “My other option was jumping down to Wal-Mart, Target or Ikea to buy a desk. One of those build it yourself desks with all the screws and widgets and thingamajigs and watchamacallits. Far too complicated for me to handle, so instead I came out here with a folding chair.”

“I know I am not worthy to even be compared to you. The originality and high brow humor of using a plate of meat for me to “knaw” on and needing to be leashed and guided to the ring since my nickname is the Big Dawg is certainly worthy of your name.” Jake shakes his head in agreement as he smiles at the camera in respectful awe. “That set the entire intellectual crowd on fire. Your wit knows no bounds. Then as if I was not shamed enough, you point out my playful banter involved me abusing puppets. I am so ashamed of myself I am almost weeping.”

“Since none of this makes any sense to me I will get Smokey the Bear to come in and explain it since everyone else is busy. He will explain how you can just lit a fire under my ass because you’re pathetic!” Jake stands up and walks right up to the camera.

“Great, another soliloquy from your desk. You can keep talking and talking, but it’s just vacuous verbosity. I kept hearing the tales of Mr. Amazing! being incredible, but I don’t see it. I just see some of the same **** recycled over and over. I’m just waiting for your tired ass to drop a “Watcha gonna do, brotha” on me before this whole thing is done.” Jake mocks flexing his guns to demonstrate the cliché.

“Don’t like Muppets and puppets? Too bad your youth was so disappointing. Still like them, always will. Hell, maybe I should take you down to Sesame Street and teach you the ABC’s of kicking some ass. Wait…no desks on Sesame Street, so you’d never come down.” A shrug of disappointment seems to sadden Jake as he frowns. He points at the camera with a little half smile, “Gnaw…G-N-A-W, on that for a bit you prissy *****. You should have paid more attention to Sesame Street because then you could say and spell!!! You seem to think I’m a H-I-C-K hick and not a H-I-X Hix. The difference is one has a redneck and one is going to break your neck.”

“I’ll give you the respect as a top opponent from the reputation, but I’ll take what I want in the squared circle. So step out from behind the desk and let’s go at it. You’re not better than me, Hell, you can’t even say gnaw right. All you are is afraid.”

Jake cocks his head sideways as he continues, “That’s right A-Boy. You’re just scared and running your mouth as quickly as you can because you don’t want to run your ass down to the ring. It happens I guess, but eventually you won’t be able to run anymore. You’ll be cornered and facing the fear you harbor inside. You’ll have to be in there one-on-one with me. I know you won’t ball up in the corner A-Boy. No, you won’t fall into the fetal position. You’ve got too much arrogance to think you need to do that even as the fear overwhelms you. So you’ll come out to fight, and then you’ll be put down for the night. That’s the simple truth”

Jake holds his arms out wide, “Come take what you can get, because all I’m passing out is punishment and your comeuppance. So like grandma always said, go pick a switch and come take your medicine.”

If you can read this…

You’re Already My *****!