View Full Version : UNLEASHED Feedback Thread

07-14-06, 05:33 PM
The card hasn't gone up yet, but I'll pre-emptively start the feedback thread. Feel free to answer the questions or post your own thoughts individually.

Match of the Night:
Segment of the Night:
Debut (if applicable) of the Night:
Wrestler of the Night:
Surprise of the Night:
Who deserves a push after this card?:
Who needs to "pick up the pace"?:
How would you book the next Onslaught/Aggression?:
Will Siegel finally propose to Steve? :eek::

07-16-06, 12:41 AM

Opening Montage: Awesome.
Gregg Gethard: The New Mister Swerve. I thought our angle was lost. Whenever you get back from Hawaii, we need to CHAT. 4 RIL.

07-16-06, 08:14 PM
No one else can comment on the card? SHAME ON ALL OF YOU!

I'm going to try and do this segment by segment and then answer the questions I had posed before. Depending on the two missing matches, the answers to the questions are subject to change!

A Night at the Opera...or Pay-Per-View

Nice segment with James, Erin and Ryan. So now the zany escapades of Irish and Erin will be the OFFICIAL! zany escapades of Irish and Erin, which I look forward to seeing since I know JI was anxious to start RPing in the fed.

Erin's got to be in my top 5 efed managers of all time, too. Looking forward to seeing what James does with the FW Crowd.

Opening Montage

Like I said in my preliminary comments, I thought this was really well written and a great way to open the PPV. Big ups to Dave (who I'm pretty sure wrote this.)


Frankie Scott/Sargeant

I'll try and remember to review these once they get added in.

Foxx vs. Cruise

The female fans saving Cruise from a bronco-buster awhile back was totally Steve's idea, and since I was writing the match with the booking being what it was, I decided to throw the spot in there. I'm glad that Siegel and Amy ran with it, although Tom thought the spot was "weird." Well Tom, blame Steve! :p

Onto the match: One thing I noticed in the matchwriting itself is the tendency to not have all the pinfalls counted. Toward the end of the match the ONE! TWO! started coming in, but the consistency wasn't there throughout. Good back and forth action between the two, and I like the fact that Foxx ended it with the Vixens Dive. I'd like to see her pushed as a serious TV Title contender, which I'll get to in a bit. I don't think this is the end of the bad blood between Devon and Foxx, but we'll see what transpires in the coming cards.

Melton hanging around by the gorilla position...could we see the Cameron Cruise Project Part II?

The Return of Troy Douglas

Nice segment placement here to break up the action. I was mildly surprised to see Douglas back in EPW, but after realizing that he debuted over in A1E, the surprise kind of weared off. Although "Kashmir" will forever be Mike Randalls's music to me, Douglas comes out, Neely marks out with the MEGATRON! comment and I chuckle a bit.

The Mic Spot: Schinder does a good job explaining the reasons behind Troy's leaving and his reason for coming back. TD's dedicated, he wants the world title. But, we'll have to see if consistency will be an issue this time around, or if Douglas can start from the bottom of the ladder and climb on back up to the top.

JA vs. Hart

Weird formatting here, but nonetheless I was a bit disappointed that Ryan didn't show up during the RP week for the blowoff match for the feud. He had pneumonia, though, so hopefully he'll be back around for the next arc.

The Match: Tom did well considering the no-show and he really writes Neely and Matthews well. One of my favorite parts about Tom's matches for EPW are the interactions between the two because they're so over the top. Some nice spots in this one and a good way to end the feud. I'm looking for JA to get into the main event/world title picture now that the feud with Hart is over. JA/Hiroshi could be a great feud, because the characters are comedic enough to be overly entertaining but serious when it comes down to business. I don't know what to say about Hart, because I'm not sure if Ryan's still going to be in the fed. Aston, let us know!

Melton, Adrian and Lindsay Troy Star In: Rocky Parody #219

Not much to say here since I co-wrote this with Steve, but it was another segment I had fun writing.

For the EPW Tag Team Titles: Blitz (c) vs. The Highland Park Social Club

Shane Carnes wrote this, so it'll probably be a dud.


Given Shane's familiarality with both the HPSC and Blitz, I'm looking for this to be a good one, especially since 6 man tags are a ***** to write.

The Match: Nice job of getting everyone involved and Leonard was great in the weasely manager role. Him taking the pin was the right call. With the HPSC winning the titles I can see a pretty good chase through the next arc with, hopefully, some more interactions from the other teams in the division. Here's a food for thought question, and maybe Phil, Dan or Bill can answer this: will the HPSC be "freebirding" the titles? And will there be a bit of a fall-out between Max and Jecht and their manager? THINGS TO THINK ABOUT!

Another Woman on the Prowl

Nakita Dahaka's in EPW, and apparantly used her signing bonus to hire Bizzaro Troy as a stand-in.

For the EPW Television Title: Mike Evers vs. Adam Benjamin (c)

This match had a lot of build coming into it and I had some high hopes for it, especially since Jeff came up with the idea and planned it all out. I've been impressed with Mike Evers so far and can really only see him going up from here, regardless of a win or a loss.

The match: What a marked difference from the last match I remember reading from John Rivera, which was the tag title match from Russian Roulette last year. I don't know if it's him training to be a wrestler now or what, but this was a nice match to read and a great lead-in to the main event. I almost wasn't a fan of the "dusty" finish, but after re-reading the match, it works. Benji's post-match RP in the Air Time forum leads me to believe that he'll be gunning for the IC title now, and a nice feud with Cruise or Brown would be nice to see. But honestly, I don't think we've seen the last of Benjamin and Evers. Congrats to Mike on the win.

For the EPW World Title: Beast vs. Kin Hiroshi vs. Karl Brown vs. Joey Melton vs. Sean Stevens vs. Lindsay Troy (c)

Since Troy was in this match, I won't go too comment happy on it except to say that Steve Thomas has to be my favorite consistent matchwriter, if not my favorite matchwriter period. Every match I've seen him write has just been great, not to mention FUNNY with his jabbing one-liners and build-ups to punchlines. If you're not a fan of his matches, or even his RPs, then there's something wrong with you.

Great match and a fun read and it was a blast RPing for it, if not a bit stressful.

It's a nice day for a ... WHITE WEDDING?!

Gethard swerved me and everybody else. *shakes fist at Gregg* When he proposed this angle to me back in February (March?) I was all gung-ho about it, but when he announced his retirement I was disappointed that it wouldn't happen. But now it is and I hope you all like it. ;)

Match of the Night: The main event and the TV title match.
Segment of the Night: Not too many on the card, but I'll have to go with the James Irish one.
Debut (if applicable) of the Night: James and Erin's official debut.
Wrestler of the Night: Mike Evers.
Surprise of the Night: Troy Windham comes back.
Who deserves a push after this card?: I could name a few people, but I'll go with Benjamin, JA and Foxx
Who needs to "pick up the pace"?: Cruise. I don't know why, I just feel like picking on Siegel. ;)
How would you book the next Onslaught/Aggression?: I'm not sure...I'd have to think about it. I just reviewed the whole show, what more do you want from me?!
Will Siegel finally propose to Steve?: No, he'll drag out the suspense for another PPV arc.

07-17-06, 12:05 AM
I was really enjoying the card, but then the ending totally ruined it for me.

Mimes shouldn't talk.


07-17-06, 01:02 AM
Mimes shouldn't talk.


"They do, when they're off duty."

07-17-06, 01:15 PM
Another Woman on the Prowl

Nakita Dahaka's in EPW, and apparantly used her signing bonus to hire Bizzaro Troy as a stand-in.

Sorry if I offended Lindz...

Please when you get the chance, check your PM box girl. It entails an apology and explaination. I hope that you will understand and will not hold any ill feelings for what I did.

07-17-06, 02:19 PM
I got it and replied.

Like I said before, it's not a gigantic deal.

07-17-06, 04:18 PM
Match of the Night: As written, I think I was most impressed with the tag match. It made sense and had both teams looking stronger than they have before in EPW.

Segment of the Night: I think the Troy Douglas return - it was the most unexpected segment, and made a lot of sense to happen.

Debut (if applicable) of the Night:

Wrestler of the Night: I have to say either Mike Evers or Foxx. Both came out against tough opponents and pulled out the win, and they've both been plugging away on the undercard quietly.

Surprise of the Night: The return of Troy Douglas

Who deserves a push after this card?: I think Evers is in line for a good push with the belt, with Benjamin moving up to the IC division, and Foxx I think deserves a push up the card a little, especially with a recent influx of talent.

Who needs to "pick up the pace"?: Sorry to say, but I think I do more than most people, lol.

How would you book the next Onslaught/Aggression?: With fluffy bunnies running around kneecapping everyone whilst kamikaze watermelons attack the steaks thrown by Beastlet.

Will Siegel finally propose to Steve? Tune in next week - same Siegel time, same Siegel network!

Though one more quick thing - I understand what you're saying about the Foxx/Cruise match and the pinfall counting. I have a habit of basing the commentators and pacing on matches I've seen - and a helluva lot of them have quick fall attempts as



so it's really just to indicate pace more than anything else ^_^ Not for everyone I'll admit though, lol.

07-17-06, 04:30 PM
Though one more quick thing - I understand what you're saying about the Foxx/Cruise match and the pinfall counting. I have a habit of basing the commentators and pacing on matches I've seen - and a helluva lot of them have quick fall attempts as



so it's really just to indicate pace more than anything else ^_^ Not for everyone I'll admit though, lol.

It just threw me off a bit is all. Keep doing what you're doing Karl. :)

07-17-06, 05:57 PM
I would just like to say great job to John for writting the TV title match. I have gone to alot of wrestling shows, and I could honestly visualize each move as it was read in my mind.

I would like to thank Brunk for allowing me to run with that angle. I truly had a great time with it.

To the handler of Mike Evers, good luck man, an thank you for working with m

07-17-06, 07:45 PM
I really can't comment with the card not fully complete, but I will mention some of the high spots in my opinion...

The James Irish/Erin segment.

The TV Title match.

The hard work of Kane (Adam Benjamin) in the way he pushed his and Evers' angle.

The World Title match in the way that it was RP'd and then written afterward. That and the segment ending the show really made me realize I've got a steep hill to climb.

We all know that match of the card will be Frankie and Sarge though... so it's all good.


07-17-06, 10:16 PM
Match of the Night: I'm gonna go with the main here. I also must say that Foxx/Cruise was pretty darn good too.

Segment of the Night: Joey and Lil' Voltron in the locker room. Seriously, Steve is a genius when it comes to backstage segments. Plus the line of the night:

“Eddy Love was there too,” Little Voltron doubled over. “Didn’t see that one coming. He and Melissa were having problems. She wanted to go back to school, Eddy didn’t know what school was. That sort of thing.”

I spat soda on my monitor when I read that.

Debut (if applicable) of the Night: There really wasn't one.

Wrestler of the Night: Lindsay Troy... really everyone seems to want to shoot her down, but she's still flying. Plus, she retained her belt and got married :)

Surprise of the Night: The EPW return of TROY WINDHAM~!~!~!~!

Who deserves a push after this card?: Melton, Kin Hiroshi, the HPSC

Who needs to "pick up the pace"?: I do

How would you book the next Onslaught/Aggression?: Monkeys, penguins, llamas, pelicans and SNAKES ON A PLANE~!

Will Siegel finally propose to Steve?: Nah, that will be part of the Aggression 50 BONZAI SPECTACULAR~!

07-17-06, 11:24 PM
I'd give specific feedback but Lindsay wouldn't believe I read the card.

Good work from everyone. And thanks to Tom and Lindsay for the compliments. As for why the rest of you haven't complimented me. I don't know. You soon will. OR DIE.

Dun Dun Dun....

I'd also like to personally start the rumor that Cameron Cruise and Joey Melton will reform but under the new name, "Magically Delicious."

07-17-06, 11:38 PM
I'd give specific feedback but Lindsay wouldn't believe I read the card.

*in Chris Benoit voice* PROVE. ME. WRONG. :)

The Guy
07-21-06, 01:13 PM
Before the Show
I really wasn't able to get into this segment this much. Not enough back history for me. I don't know why Ryan would try to play mind games with Irish and such. I guess a normal reader got it, but I was just left wondering what was going on.

I've read up to the tag team match, and thus far this has been my favorite part of the results. That may sound a bit odd, but I feel the main event on a show like this is the most important thing. Moreso when it is one of this size. This segment did a great job of setting up the main event and really getting a first time reader (like myself) pumped up for it.

Foxx vs Cruise
I really wasn't into this match at all. There seemed to be no emotion whatsoever. It was like someone was reading off a teleprompter. This happened. Then this happened. Then that happened. Didn't pull me into the match and make me feel. Which obviously is one of the faults of script matches compared to novel, but I've seen it done script regardless.

He's Back
Too much talk, not enough action to break it up. Gave me 0 personality in that segment. What was his mannerisms? Facial expressions? Reactions to the crowd? What stood out? Did he just stand perfectly still the entire time he talked?

Hart vs JA
I enjoyed it, then again JA is a really good match writer. I can tell he's pulling bits seen in PTC and ACW to really polish his style. The guy is getting better everytime I see him. Good to see him pick up a clean victory and still try and put Hart over despite the no-show.

Lesbian Seagull or Randomly Named Segments
I'm a fan of Joey Melton. Plain and simple. He's funny without being too comical. And despite the laughs he's still able to push a story. Which this segment did really well. It's no wonder the Troy/Melton stuff is high quality when you get two quality writers together. I don't know if they are working as a team in PRIME or if it's just Troy, but that's why I was more pumped about their debut than Ivan's. And as an old PTC guy, that should say something considering Ivan is THE **** in PTC circles.

I'll try and give feedback for the rest of the stuff later. My time has been pressed lately.

The Guy
07-21-06, 01:29 PM
DT: Hey, guys… there’s a match going on. Cameron Cruise releasing the wrist lock, and drives the knee straight onto the arm of Foxx again. He picks her up by the hair, and a hard whip into the corner. Charging in with a clothesline, and a HARD bulldog out of the corner!

The cover…


Foxx gets the right shoulder up there before the count of three.

DM: And Cruise going right back to working on that arm, locking in a hammerlock and using his strength advantage to lift her off the mat! This move puts a lot of pressure on the triceps and wrist.

I'm going to give an example of what I meant about emotion for the Foxx/Cruise match. Here is how I would have perfered to see this piece of the match.

DT: And Cruise released that wrist lock, he’s really pounding on the arm. You can almost feel the tensions in the arm as he drives his knee into the arm.

Foxx screams out in pain, clutching the arm, but Cruise grabs her by the hair.

DT: And a hard Irish Whip into the corner. Look at that impact into the corner! The pain is etched across her face.

The crowd starts to build up a “FOXX!” chant but Cruise looks to silence them by charging in with a Clothesline that sandwiches her into the corner. Bodies slam against each other, sweat flying off, and Foxx stumbles out of the corner.

DT: BULLDOG by Cruise! I think her jaw just jammed up as she landed. That may be a common move, but its effectiveness can not be denied when used by someone of Cruise’s skill. He knew just the right angle to send a sharp pain through her body.

Hooking the leg, Cruise makes the cover…



SHOULDER! Just a fraction of a second before the referee could bring his hand down; Foxx pushes and gets her shoulder off the mat, much to the frustration of Cameron.

DM: Look at the relentless attack by Cruise, targeting that arm again. Hammerlocks may not be as exciting as a Moonsault or Frog Splash, but with his size and strength advantage it is a lethal move that can rip at the muscles.

Adding to the pressure, Cruise arches back and uses the hammerlock to lift Foxx off the mat. The crowd really lets him have it with jeers as a scream of pain rips from Foxx. She had to bite her bottom lip to keep from screaming any more.

DM: Just imagine the pressure that is being applied to the triceps and wrist. Cruise is just systematically taking her apart in this match, and I have to say it is the smart thing to do. Target a body part and never let up until you get the submission.

You can see the difference between the two. You explain WHY the move is applied and for what reason. Then explain the effects of the move, plus the crowd's reaction and the reaction of the person having the move done to them. It really helps to give a full idea of just what is going on. Because a match is more than just "hammerlock to wristlock, float under and a Northern Lights Suplex. Cover. Kickout at two." It's thinking, planning, attacking, and feeling. The announcers, wrestlers, crowd, and even the referee all should be used to best tell the story.

The Guy
07-22-06, 07:07 PM
Alright finished the show.

Tag Match reminded me of the Cruise/Foxx in that I was told what happened but not why or for what reason. I already talked about that, so I don't want to harp on it. Though the ending was smart because now it gives the former champs plenty to work with.

Segment: And we get a new female debut. Looks to be interesting. A female duo could be good.

TV Title match: I liked this a bit more than the other matches because it seemed to have more fire in it. It had that PPV feel. Nice ending as well.

And the MAIN EVENT: Kind of thrown off by the fact that it was in a different format from the recent. I recognized it as the same the NFW uses. Which makes sense because a number of people here are also in the NFW. Regardless of that fact, it was still a very good main event. Glad to see Troy retain, though I didn't read any of the roleplays. Very solid match and easily the best of the show. Nice ending, good spots, everything you could ask for.

Segment: The segment was funny, but doesn't make much sense. I mean won't Troy just file for divorce the very next day? And there was no verbal agreement to it on her part. Well, in the least it will be interesting to see how this plays out. You never know, maybe Troy will find a way to turn this back on Windham and screw him over. Or maybe Melton will get the short end of the stick and we'll see a rehashed WWE angle (I hope not! Melton > Test)

07-22-06, 08:17 PM
Hey Bobby, thanks for reviewing the show. Hopefully you'll be INTRIGUE~!d enough to want to review more. ;)

Segment: The segment was funny, but doesn't make much sense. I mean won't Troy just file for divorce the very next day? And there was no verbal agreement to it on her part.

True but, it wouldn't be much of an angle if this happened. :) I need to get working on some stuff for it but there'll be a method to the madness.

Oh and, regarding PRIME: I've been doing a lot of writing for it, which if you read the shows is why there's more of Troy than there is of Melton. Maybe you can harass Steve into writing more. :p

07-22-06, 09:53 PM
Since when has wrestling ever made sense?

The Guy
07-23-06, 01:54 AM
True, but their writers are also morons who think giving birth to a hand is good television.

I've seen the marriage angle pulled off brillantly. But I've also seen it wasted.

Sadly I won't be able to read EPW on a regular bases (unless of course LoC or ACW turn to crap or I feel you're shows are more enjoyable) but I will keep checking in here. And of course I will always be more than glad to help if I have the free time. I may not always be on aim but I make sure to check my pms at least once every other day.