View Full Version : LVW Week 2 on KCLV Channel 2 (2)

12-11-05, 02:54 AM
(MUSIC UP: "So Whatcha Sayin'" - EPMD)

(FADEIN: Blue screen, flashy lights bordering all around, House of Blues logo in the middle, with date, time, and lots of 411.)

MAYES (V/O): “People in the Valley, come join us here at the House of Blues for some Las Vegas Wrestling action! Get your tickets now for our next show by hitting us up on the website listed, by calling 1-702-555-2525, or by showing up at the House of Blues at Mandalay Bay here on the Las Vegas STRIP!”

"The lineup sheet for our next card has hit my folder, and I'm here to give it to you!"






"Join us! EL VEE DOUBLE-U... taking it, to the OBSCENE!"


Everyone in the league, here's the lineup - get out there and RP!

Everyone wishing to join the league - read the pimpin' sheet, come up with a wrestler, and send in the bio to lvw.prez@gmail.com and get in on the hottest action on the Strip!

The Great Eye
12-27-05, 06:51 AM
Card would have been up tonight but Paul won 1,000 bucks in a free football pool (Woulda been 3,000 if Vinny didn't get that last garbage time TD) so he's out celebrating...He'll finish editing this thing and have it done tomorrow.

12-28-05, 10:32 AM
(COLD OPEN: The inside of the House of Blues! Strobe lights zoom through the room from the “LVW” Vegas-sign logo above the stage area, and the crowd is going bonkers!)


(The camera zooms through the crowd – same guys in tuxes in the front row as last time, drunks waving from the balcony, an “ELEGANT BOOKING IS HERE” sign hanging off the rafters, honeys in super-tight shirts, fratboys, suits – they’re all here!)

(CUTTO: Shot of the middle of the “FULLTILTPOKER.NET” ring, where the man of slicked-back hair and whispy porn mustache, JEFF MAYES, decked out in his finest Armani stands with mike in hand, gleaming with a big smile, with his broadcast partner, SIR SIMON SMITH, wearing a smooth black jacket and red tie straight from the Forum Shops, holding his own mic and looking at the crowd, shaking his head, holding back a smile!)



SMITH: (Finally cracking the smile) “I can’t believe it, MAYES. One show, a four star review in the Las Vegas Review-Journal, and now this place is a packed zoo! (Pop!)”

MAYES: “Ladies and gentlemen – “

SMITH: “Didn’t you hear me, Mayes – I said a zoo! There’s no ladies or gents, this is a pack of dirty animals! (BOOS!) Who let these strip-card flickers in here?”

MAYES: “You shouldn’t be asking me that, Simon – you’re the one giving them the business!”

SMITH: “Me? I think you got me confused for that country bumpkin Jimmy Donovan. Would a man with (rubs hand against jacket, then flicks his tie) these fine threads be caught dead dealing with those border-jumpers? (BOOS!)”

MAYES: “Well at least you bought yourself something to look decent in this week. Where’s that thrift-shop get-up you had last time?”

SMITH: “(Pointing a stern finger at MAYES) Don’t you mock me, Mayes. The dice landed on point and I went on a HEATER this week. AND I know good taste!”

MAYES: “(Turning to the crowd) LADIES and Gentlemen, we have FOUR big matches for you tonight! (Cheers!) In our Main Event tonight, The Last Goth Monster, Mitch Grey, TEAMS UP with The Living Dead, to take on the Polish War Machine, Hans Nowak, and YOUR (looking at SMITH) bookie’s man, Carmine Esposito!”

SMITH: “Bookie? Stop telling lies, MAYES. Jimmy Two Times is my best friend – my best friend, I tell you!”

MAYES: “Afraid he’ll make you… disappear?”

SMITH: “Stop talking nonsense – if anyone disappeared, it’s Living Dead! No one could find him all week. I bet he’s under 6 feet of desert, in the Mojave!”

MAYES: “ALSO, we have the debut of the man who came here last week for our Grand Opening and caused CHAOS by beating up a LIVING LEGEND of Las Vegas, this city’s very own Wayne Newton! We have the in-ring debut of JACK HOUSE! (BOOS mixed with some CHEERS from the drunkards!)”

SMITH: “Jack House set the cesspool of this city straight on its head! He’s one death dealer you don’t want to mess with, Mayes. He set that blowhard Wayne Newton straight – looked at him EYE to EYE, and snapped his neck in half!”

MAYES: “And finally, we have been promised a special announcement on the FUTURE of Las Vegas Wrestling, and of the FUTURE crowning of our FIRST… LVW World Heavyweight Champion! (CHEERS! As a section of the crowd starts chanting “ELEGANCE! ELEGANCE!”)

SMITH: “Let me tell you, Jeff. The only thing about the future that matters to me is that my paycheck clears! As long as the big man running things can promise me that, I don’t care what he has to say!”

MAYES: “Four matches! Big announcements! Things are starting to pick up here – LAS - VEGAS - WRESTLING! (CHEERS!)”

SMITH: “(Pointing at hard cam) HIT THE INTRO!”

(MUSIC UP: “Two Shots of Happy, One Shot of Sad (Hot Nugget Remix) – Matt Dusk)

(CUTTO: Swooping helicopter shots of the Las Vegas skyline! From the Stratosphere, to the east to the Wynn, shooting straight south to Caesar’s Palace, circling all around to point to the south past the Paris Eiffel Tower and the Bellagio…)




(…The helicopter zooms in on the broadside of the MANDALAY BAY)

V/O: “Coming to you from the HOUSE OF BLUES at MANDALAY BAY, get ready for the glitz, the glammer, and the gore! Get ready for LAS! VEGAS! WRRRRRRRRESTLINNNNNNNG!”

(Soft FADEOUT to commercial)

12-28-05, 10:34 AM
(FADEIN: The FullTiltPoker.net ring, the dapper JERRY HARWELL standing at the ready!)

MAYES: “Welcome back to LVW folks, and NOW… it’s time for the wrestling debut of the self-proclaimed nine-time World Series of Wrestling Champion, whatever that means – Bill Bellmoth.”
SMITH: “It means the man is a legend in the historical annals of wrestling - El Gordo Grande should be thankful to have the time of day to match-up with such greatness!”

(MUSIC UP: “Bullet With Butterfly Wings” – Smashing Pumpkins)

(CUTTO: The Stage – LVW “Vegas-style” logo up on top of the curtain, wide projection screens and sound equipment flanking both sides - EL GORDO GRANDE pops out of the curtain, arms high in the air, the crowd giving him some love! GRANDE adjusts his red mask a bit and heads for the ring, slapping hands with the fans! GRANDE jumps onto the apron, looks into the crowd, and claps his hands, nodding with approval for the ovation! GORDO GRANDE steps through the ropes and starts stretching!)

MAYES (V/O): “El Gordo Grande had an impressive victory last week, and he’s looking to make it two in a – (The lights go out in the House of Blues, leaving it pitch-black!) – what the hell is THIS?”

SMITH (V/O): “Mayes… prepare – for excellence!”
MAYES (V/O): “Oh you’ve GOT to be kidding m-“
SMITH (V/O): “Shhhhhhhhh… (whispering) quiet Mayes, shush.”

(The room remains in silent darkness for a few seconds, camera shifts toward the stage, the crowd getting noisier by the second - )

(MUSIC UP: “Jesus Christ Superstar (edit)” – Andrew Lloyd Webber)

(CUTTO: The stage – lit up underneath the bellowing spotlight, standing in front of the curtain is BILL BELLMOTH - his arms bent to his face, hands fisted up, covering his mouth! BELLMOTH, wearing his black Ultimate Bet windbreaker, his Ultimate Bet cap, black windbreaker pants, and his trademark wrap-around Oakley sunglasses, stands statue-like as the fans give him hell! The music continues to triumphantly blare as BELLMOTH lowers his fists to reveal his huge grin, and then starts pointing to the crowd with both hands, nodding his head knowingly as he makes his way towards the ring!)

MAYES (V/O): “Oh… who the HELL does he think - ”
SMITH (V/O): “SHHHHHHHHHHH! (Whispering) The big man in the back will have your head - you can not trample on a legendary entrance!”
MAYES (V/O): (Whispering, voice laced with disgust) “Should I also avert my eyes?”
SMITH (V/O): (Still whispering) “That wouldn’t be a bad idea, either.”

(BILL BELLMOTH enters through the ropes, and takes off his hat and windbreaker - revealing a black double-strap singlet top, with what looks like a small mic clipped to the left strap! Referee BRIAN PUTER asks for the sunglasses but BELLMOTH swats his hand away, then points at his eyes and then takes the fingers to PUTER’s chest while saying some words. The ref then lets him go.)

JERRY HARWELL: “The following contest is set for ONE FALL. In the ring to my left… he hails from La Chiwawa, Mexico! Weighing in at TWO HUNDRED and SIXTY FIVE POUNDS… ELLLLLLLL GORDO GRAHN-DEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEH!” (Another pop for GRANDE, who looks disgusted with BELLMOTH over the intro, pointing a finger at him, his mouth moving through the mask.)

“AND HIS OPPONENT… He is the NINE TIME World Series of Wrestling CHAMPION! (A drunken “YEAAAAAAH” from the crowd.) He hails… from GREEN BAY, WISCONSIN! Weighing in at TWO hundred and TEN pounds… BILLLLLLLLL BELLLLLLLLLLLLLLL-MOOOOOOTH! … … … … BELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL-MOOOOOOOOOOOTH!” (Jeers for BELLMOTH!)

“Your referee is Brian Puter!”

(HARWELL departs from the ring – SFX: Bell ringing!)

MAYES: “Finally… all the pomp and circumstance is done and we’re going to see if BELLMOTH is worth anything in the ring.”

SMITH: “Sacrilige!”

MAYES: “The two men lock up… collar and elbow tie up. Grande forces Bellmoth to the corner… Puter calling for a break, and Grande gives him one.”

BELLMOTH: “A clean break. Wow. I’m amazed that you’re gonna play me that soft.”

MAYES: “Oh GAWD - he really does have a mic on him?!?!?”
SMITH: “You’re getting first hand insight into the mind of a genius! Be grateful!”
MAYES: “Oh boy. They lock up again and Bellmoth… pushes Grande to the corner, Puter asking for a break and Bellmoth with the cheap right hand! And another! Bellmoth pulls Grande out of the corner and whipsssssss him to the ropes… GRANDE with the reversal – BELLMOTH off the ropes - Grande bends over for a backdrop and Bellmottttttth… Bellmoth stops short?”

BELLMOTH: “My Lord. Look at this! (BELLMOTH with open hands out towards GRANDE) I got like what, one-thousand different moves here? I can DDT the guy, kick him in the face, roll him up… I mean what kind of a fishAHH! (GRANDE stands up and DECKS BELLMOTH with a clothesline!)

MAYES: “And Bellmoth gets what was coming to him! Grande takes his head off and covers… ONE! TWO! NO, Bellmoth kicks out. Grande putting the fists to Bellmoth who scampers to his feet – and DOWN again with a big right hand into the corner! Grande… pointing at Bellmoth and slapping his butt – it may be time for the Burrito Bomb!”
SMITH: “NO! Not to Bellmoth! He’s done so much for this vile sport! Stop it!”

MAYES: “Grande turns his ass towards the corner… (Cheers!) YES! The Burrito Bomb Stinkface!”

SMITH: “This is inhuman! Get health control!”

BELLMOTH: (Choking, gasping noises)

MAYES: “Bellmoth got what he deserved! Why don’t you go suck up to him now?”

SMITH: “You just wait ‘til you get yours, MAYES!

MAYES: “Grande pulls a noticeably pale Bellmoth to his feet, looking like he’s going to throw up – Grande whips Bellmoth into the ropes againnnnnnn… TEXTBOOK DROPKICK! Bellmoth down for the count and Grande covers – ONE! TWO! …NO! Bellmoth reached over and was able to get a foot on the ropes just in time!”
SMITH: “Somebody needs to do something, Mayes – that would’ve been a national disgrace!”
MAYES: “Bellmoth rolling to the floor and he’s shaking out the cobwebs.”

BELLMOTH: “A dropkick? A freaking dropkick? I can’t think of one wrestler worth their weight that would try such a thing. Ryan wouldn’t do it. Manson wouldn’t do it… I mean, God, it’s just bush-league crap I gotta deal with… and the ring positioning! What a joke - like I wasn’t getting my foot on the ropes there. (GRANDE reaches over the top rope to grab at BELLMOTH – but BELLMOTH quickly jumps onto the apron, grabs GRANDE’S head and drops down, driving his throat down on the top rope!) “Wow… I think a third grader would have avoided that spot. How is this guy even in the same ring as me?”

MAYES: “Bellmoth hangs Grande out to dry there and now is back in the ring, hammering away on him – Bellmoth lifts Grande off the mat and DOWN with a backbreaker across the knee. Oh what the hell is he doing?”

SMITH: “Telling him how a real wrestler wrestles!”

BELLMOTH: “You think your hand is good here? Yeah, you got it. (BELLMOTH quits standing over GRANDE and bounces off the ropes, walks back toward GRANDE, then makes a motion like he’s looking at a poker hand.) “Oh, I’m sorry - I misread my hand! I got ya beat! (BELLMOTH drops a fist into GRANDE’S face!)

MAYES: “What the hell was the point of that?”
SMITH: “He Slow-Rolled him! I love it! Isn’t he great?”
MAYES: “I… totally do not see whatever it is you see in this man. Bellmoth with a cover – ONE – TWO …NO! Grande kicks out! Bellmoth looks disgusted with the ref and is giving him an earful!”
SMITH: “Grande was out cold - that was a SAVAGE cold-decking!”
MAYES: “I’m sorry, I can’t understand half the words you’re saying… are you speaking Klingon or something? Bellmoth now stomping away on Grande and pulls him up to his feet… he throws Grande’s arm over his neck, what’s he doing here?”

SMITH: “It’s The Cooler! Grande’s about to go rock bottom!”

MAYES: “Bellmoth… NO! Grande with an elbow! A second elbow! Bellmoth losing the hold… a third elbow and Grande breaks loose! Grande flies off the ropes… misses the clothesline! Bellmoth ducks and grabs the arms and has a BACKSLIDE! ONE! TW-NO! Grande kicks out!”

SMITH: “Oh this ref is a joke!”
MAYES: “Wha… c’MON, what is he doing?”

BELLMOTH: “Look buddy, do you know who I am? (BELLMOTH pointing at himself to PUTER) I can’t deal with incompetence like this! It’s beneath me…FLOOR! I want a new ref brought in here, nowwwwwwhoooooaaaAAAAAAAAAAH-!”


(MUSIC UP: “Bullet With Butterfly Wings” – Smashing Pumpkins)


(EL GORDO GRANDE gets up and start shouting at BILL BELLMOTH, pointing a mad finger at him, then finger-counting “One, two, three” with his right hand before throwing his hands in the air to the cheers of the crowd!)

SMITH: “Someone call the INS and get his papers checked! That burrito-eater just ruined greatness!”

MAYES: “El Gordo Grande STICKS IT to Bill Bellmoth and wins once again! Grande is off to an impressive start in LVW!”

SMITH: “Don’t forget we’re in Las Vegas – a sucker gets lucky once in a while!”

MAYES: “Like YOU.”

(EL GORDO GRANDE hops out of the ring, slapping hands with the railbirds as the camera focuses back onto BILL BELLMOTH, who’s looking irate at ref BRIAN PUTER, and his mic pops back on - )

BELLMOTH: “You didn’t see that? You didn’t see the tights pull? (PUTER shakes his head no, and the crowd turns its attention to the ring and starts to boo!) Oh sure, this kinda place, allowing angle shots and all kinds of other moves… (Crowd starts to get unruly) Don’t worry buddy, you won’t be long for this company with that kinda stuff going on. (The crowd gets rowdy, and starts to chant!) Enjoy working at Fatburger (CHANT: “SHUT THE [BEEEEEEP] UP!” ::clap, clap, clap clap clap:: ) And that punk who just beat me… (“SHUT THE [BEEEEEEP] UP!” ::clap, clap, clap clap clap:: ) …that was just dumb luck! I fight him 100 times… (“SHUT THE [BEEEEEEP] UP!” ::clap, clap, clap clap clap:: ) I win 98 of them, and don’t you forget that!” (“SHUT THE [BEEEEEEP] UP!” ::clap, clap, clap clap clap:: )

(BELLMOTH looks into the souls of the crowd, and covers his ears up, scampering out of the ring to the back!)

(“SHUT THE [BEEEEEEP] UP!” ::clap, clap, clap clap clap:: - followed by a loud cheer as BELLMOTH vanishes behind the curtain!)

MAYES: “Thank GOD!”

SMITH: “Bunch of morons, they just ran off the greatest wrestler of all-time!”

MAYES: “Well the so-called greatest wrestler ever just got BEAT by EL GORDO GRANDE. Folks we’ll be RIGHT BACK!”


12-28-05, 10:36 AM
(FADEIN: The announcer’s desk – JEFF MAYES and SIR SIMON SMITH.)

MAYES: “And we’re back! Sir Simon, our next match here tonight involves a man who DESECRATED a legend of Las Vegas, and says he’s out for more legendary blood – that man being Jack House.”

(B-ROLL: ‘LAST WEEK’ – Highlights of Wayne Newton appearing mid-ring and singing, CUTTING to the appearance of JACK HOUSE and subsequent actions)

SMITH (V/O): “He did this city a service, MAYES! That clown’s been running around saying he owns this town for years – he finally got put in his place!”

MAYES (V/O): “That’s your opinion, Simon! Look at this move – (JACK HOUSE hitting the Cutter maneuver on WAYNE NEWTON) – a devastating move that’ll snap any man’s neck in half, one that Jack House calls BLACKJACK.”

SMITH (V/O): “The house always win on 21, and he’s here to show us that NOBODY can beat the odds!”

(MUSIC UP: “Blackjack” – Ray Charles)

“A lemme tell you people… about this blackjack game…

It’s caused me nothing but trouble… and I’ve only myself to blame… HEY HEYyyy yeah…”

(CUTTO: The stage, and out through the curtain walks out JACK HOUSE to a round of boos from the House of Blues! HOUSE lets air out through his nose, staring down the crowd with his good eye – and his glass eye! JACK HOUSE, decked out in black trunks, boots, and kneepads, muscles rippling, slowly walks down the mini-rampway towards ringside, slow to the pace of the music as the crowd keeps giving him hell! Some poor soul tries to touch him and gets his hand swatted away! HOUSE throws a knee up onto the apron, climbs his way through the ropes, and emerges inside tall and strong, staring straight into the crowd, the glass eye glistening in the lights – WILLIAM SIMMONS is in the opposite corner, doing some weary tap-dance shadow-boxing, a neckbrace wrapped around his scrawny neck!)

SMITH (V/O): “This kid is in for some hell, Mayes!”

MAYES (V/O): “I don’t know what he’s doing here – he nearly got his neck broke in half last time by Web Browser!”

SMITH (V/O): “Lemme tell you something Mayes that nobody knows – this kid’s got an underground NFL picks newsletter, and I gotta say, everyone’s gone broke betting with what he says! He’s gotta be doing this for the baby diapers!”

MAYES (V/O): “Unfortunately I think he’ll be needing one at the end of this match!”

(CUTTO: JERRY HARWELL in the ring.)

HARWELL: “The following contest is set for one fall! FIRST, in the corner to my left… he weighs in at two hundred and two pounds – fighting out of Marblehead, Massachusetts, this is WILLLLLLLLLLLLLLLIAM… SIMMONNNNNNNNNNNNNS!” (The crowd lets out a drunken whoop for SIMMONS, who’s got his head down, still shadow-boxing.)

“And his opponent! (BOOS!) Hailing from the corner of Fremont and 8th Street, RIGHT HERE, in LAS VEGAS! (More boos mixed with some cheers, HOUSE leans against the ropes pounding his chest) He weighs in at two hundred forty seven pounds – he is – JACK - HOUSSSSSSSSSSSE! (The crowd boos some more, HOUSE climbing to the second rope, pointing at someone in the crowd, then to his glass eye!)

“Your referee is Brian Puter!” (HARWELL walks out of the ring as PUTER tries to get SIMMONS to get his head up as HOUSE gets off the ropes and stares down his prey!)

(CUTTO: CECIL PEOPLES with the bell – SFX: Bell ringing!)


MAYES: “JACK HOUSE MEANS BUSINESS! BIG SHOULDERBLOCK on William Simmons! He damn near flipped him inside out!”

SMITH: “Kid can’t keep his head up with that broken neck!”

MAYES: “Jack House, standing over his opponent, measuring him up! This kid is clearly out of it… House lifting Simmons to his feet, and he sends him to the ropes! Simmons off… (OOOOOH!) POWERSLAM BY HOUSE! This should be all over! ONE! TWO – NO! House lifts him off the mat! He’s clearly not done here!”

SMITH: “Somebody call up Gil Grissom, because we’re gonna have a crime scene!”

MAYES: “House has Simmons by the hair, looking at the crowd! He’s now taunting this kid… RIPS off the neckbrace! This isn’t good at all – CLUBBING blow to the back!

SMITH: “He’s dishing out the pain and taking his sweet time doing it!”

MAYES: “Another club to the back! House lifts the kid up… OW! ATOMIC DROP! House has his victim keeled over writhing in pain!”

SMITH: “And ready to face the closer at the blackjack table!”

MAYES: “House stalking around Simmons… House STARING down Simmons… he seems to be saying something to him… uh-oh, he just asked Simmons if he wanted insurance!”

SMITH: “Take it if you know what’s good for you!”

MAYES: “The kid’s looking at him weird - can THIS BE – (POP!) BLACKJACK! BLACKJACK! He just GRABBED his head and SNAPPED his neck in half!”

SMITH: “The move certified by all Legend Killers - Nationwide!”

MAYES: “This was (ONE~!) a fundamental (TWO~!) KILLING – (THREEEEE! – SFX: Ringing bell!)

SMITH: “What a squash!”

(MUSIC UP: “Blackjack” – Ray Charles)

(HOUSE stands up, pounding his chest, screaming!)

HARWELL: “The winner of the match… JACK – HOOOOOOUSSSSSSSE!”

SMITH: “This is a man on fire, Mayes!”

MAYES: “We just saw first hand how much havoc that Blackjack can cause anybody here in LV… wait a second, Jack House is yelling at Harwell to give him the mic – he’s got something to say!”

(JACK HOUSE yanks the mic out of HARWELL’s hand and walking towards the middle of the ring as his music cuts out, puts a couple deep breaths into the microphone, staring at the crowd that’s still giving him static!)


(Crowd boos louder, HOUSE looking back with disgust.)

“Now I’m gonna tell y’all one more thing, and this is for all y’all b*tch-ass so-called LEGENDS here in Vegas, and you b*tch-ass fools here in LVW… go git yo’self some INSURANCE, ‘cause I’ve got the JACK face-up - and the ACE… in the HOLE.”

“I’m checkin’ the security tapes, findin’ the marked cards, and I’m comin’ to put my MARK on (points finger at camera) YOU.”

(HOUSE shakes his head, the glass eye catching a beam of light from left to right to left again.)

“The odds aren’t in your favor, and I’mma comin’ to COLLECT. Be on the lookout, and you best WATCH YOURSELF, ‘cause NOBODY – BEATS – THE HOUSE.”

(JACK HOUSE drops the mic on the mat, and pounds his chest with a snarl at the crowd!)

MAYES (V/O): “Jack House means business, SIR Simon!”

SMITH (V/O): “All the whales and showmen better get a security upgrade – he’s out to break the money-splashing fakers in half!”

MAYES (V/O): “We gotta pay the bills – UP NEXT, we’ve got The Web Browser against the Vegas Cowboy, James Donovan!”

SMITH (V/O): “Get yourself some scotch on the rocks, you’ll need it!”

MAYES (V/O): “Oh boy.”


12-28-05, 10:38 AM
(FADEIN: Ringside at the broadcast table - JEFF MAYES and SIR SIMON SMITH are yapping at each other.)

SMITH: “…Look Mayes, I’ve had about enough of you. You have NO IDEA how good the dice have been to me this week! If you cross the line ONE more time… I’m getting out of here and going to double my bankroll in a few quick rolls!”
MAYES: “I just want to know, are you still on food stamps, or not?”
SMITH: “That’s NONE of your business!”

(MUSIC UP: “All About The Pentiums” – Weird Al)

It’s all about the Pentiums, baby…

(CUTTO: The stage, and out comes WEB BROWSER, walking in an odd shamble, looking as disheveled as ever! One pant leg of his slacks torn off at the knee, the other with holes in it; ketchup stains on his ragged button-down shirt - the crowd rains with boos as BROWSER looks around in horror and confusion, scratching his left arm, taken aback by the scene around him! WEB BROWSER throws a knee onto the apron and crawls into the ring, and goes to the corner, cowering.)

MAYES (V/O): “Web Browser is here, and seems to be… ready… for action.”
SMITH (V/O): “He is also LVW’s most DANGEROUS man!”
MAYES (V/O): “I don’t think ANYONE is laughing about that, especially not that poor kid William Simmons.”

SMITH (V/O): “Who cares, he’s a nobody – a lamb for the slaughter like we saw before!”

MAYES (V/O): “Be that as it may, Browser is taking a step up in competition this week, going against the Vegas Cowboy, James Donovan, who had a Main Event classic last week against Mitch Grey!”

SMITH (V/O): “Donovan got lucky to get out of their alive with a push, Grey had him! He won’t be so lucky here, MAYES.”

(MUSIC UP: “Bat Country” – Avenged Sevenfold)

(The room goes black and red strobe lights shoot out of the borders of the LVW ‘Vegas-style’ logo atop the entranceway! JAMES DONOVAN emerges out to the arena and the women swoon and scream in high-pitched delight! DONOVAN jogs down the mini-ramp and is met up against the rail by a pack of rapid women wearing dental-floss, grabbing at him! JAMES obliges and leans up against the railing, and gets rewarded by getting his face stuffed into some cleavage! DONOVAN is let up for air and breaks himself free, turning towards the ring and diving in headfirst, then getting to his feet and letting out a quick “WOOOOOOOOO!” to the crowd’s approval!)

JERRY HARWELL: “The following contest is set for one fall! Introducing first, in the corner to my left… HAILING from… (HARWELL does a double-check of his cue card, and reads from it) the BENCH, at the BUS STOP, at the corner of Flamingo Road and Koval Lane! (The crowd laughs, WEB BROWSER jerks his head, his eyes bugging.) He weighs in at TWO HUNDRED and FOURTY FIVE pounds… here he is, THE WEB BROOOOOOOOOOW-SERRRRRRRRRRRRR!” (More boos as jeers come from the crowd!)


JERRY HARWELL: “And his opponent, hailing from Enid, Oklahome, but NOW RESIDING RIGHT HERE, in beautiful LAS! VEGAS! (Cheers!) He weighs in at TWO HUNDRED and FORTY SEVEN POUNDS… JAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAMES DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOON-OH-VAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAANNNNNNNNN!” (Crowd pops, with the women screaming over the guys!)

“Your referee is Cesar Martinez!”

(HARWELL leaves the ring. SFX: Bell ringing!)

MAYES: “Browser charges Donovan! A series of right hands! Donovan’s caught off guard! Browser sends Donovan for the ride… HARD CLOTHESLINE! WOW, that got a LOT of Donovan!”

SMITH: “He damn near to his head off with that one! I told you… DAN-ger-OUSSSSS!”

MAYES: “Cesar Martinez checking on Donovan, but Browser not letting him – Browser with Donovan by the hair lifting him up, DRILLS him with another right! Donovan loopy – ANOTHER right hand! Donovan twisting in the wind, Browser loading up- NO! Blocked! (SFX: LOUD slap!) OOWWWWWWWIE! LOUD CHOP BY DONOVAN! (SFX: LOUD slap!) And ANOTHER! And a THIRD! And AGAIN! Browser stumbling backwards (SFX: LOUDER slap!) WOW Donovan LAYING into him HARD!”

SMITH: “No tips for the dealer tonight!”

MAYES: “What? Browser’s backed into the corner – Donovan RIPS off Browser’s shir- (SFX: LOUDEST slap!) Oooooooooooooooooooooo THAT’S GOTTA HURT! (SFX: Slap! And the crowd “WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOS!”) and MORE for Browser! Donovan’s turning his chest into a package of raw meat!”

SMITH: “Donovan’s hitting the skins, that’s for sure!”

MAYES: “And now a HIPTOSS out of the corner by Donovan, and in he comes locking in the armbar! Donovan prefers to try and take control of the match by working over a body part and it looks like he’s gonna do that now.”

SMITH: “And I bet the Cowboy will be back in his room later tonight dropping his pay working the other body parts of the Entertainers of Vegas!”

MAYES: “I… you scare me sometimes, SIR Simon. Donovan working the arm… Browser climbing back up to his feet, BUT Donovan pulls him in for a short shoulder-block! Browser falls, back to his feet again, now an arm wringer by Donovan, bringing Web Browser to one knee- Browser not staying down, Donovan locks the arm behind Browser- SCOOPS HIM UHP and DOWN with a body slam! Web Broswer had his arm locked behind him and he looks to be in PAIN!”
SMITH: “How can you tell? He looks to be in pain all the time!”
MAYES: “Donovan peels Browser off the canvas and locks him in with a bearhug-NO! OVERHEAD BELLY TO BELLY! Browser is flat-out cold! Jimmy with the cover – ONE! TWO! …NO! Kickout Browser.”
SMITH: “Browser hasn’t put up much of a fight here, MAYES. You’d think after having his shirt, one of his last worldly possessions literally ripped off his body that he’d give it more of a fight!”
MAYES: “Donovan to his feet and he pulls Browser up, looking like he’s wondering what to do… whips him into the corner, Donovan follows innnNNNNN- NOBODY HOME! Donovan walks out- KICK by Browser! Oh boy that looked like it may have been just a tad lo- IMPLANT DDT! Browser with the cover – ONE! TWO! …NO! Donovan kicks out!”
SMITH: “Web Browser almost cost this town thousands of dollars in business there Mayes! Look at Donovan writhing in PAIN!”
MAYES: “Browser HAMMERING away now on the downed Donovan! Stomping away at Donovan who’s trying to roll out of dodge with a series of kicks and stomps... Donovan gets to the ropes and climbs to his feet and GETS OFF a HAYMAKER! Browser stunned, Donovan with ANOTHER! And a THIR-NO! Blocked! And-OOOOOOOH HARD RIGHT HAND RIGHT TO THE EYE! Web Browser just caught Donovan HARDWAY with that one, and may have popped a vessel!"
SMITH: "It's getting ugly in there!”

MAYES: “Browser tosses Donovan into the opposite corner, steps back… AVALANCHE! Donovan falls like a sack of bricks! Browser on top for the cover- ONE! TWO! …NO! So close!”

SMITH: “Donovan’s more brave than smart – stay down, before Browser decides to try and break out the Spam Stopper and end his career again!”

MAYES: “You actually may be right about something for once, SIR Simon, although I’ve heard that the move may have been banned – Browser lifts Donovan to his feet and wraps his arm underneath Donovan’s chin – there’s the NEW MOVE! Web Browser has the sleeper locked in! He’s got James Donovan in Safe Mode! (CESAR checks for the choke but clears it, giving a thumbs up) Web Browser is ready to put the lights out for Jimmy Donovan!”

SMITH: “I don’t think THIS beast is exactly what the Cowboy had in mind when he said he was planning to go to sleep with one with the lights off tonight!”

MAYES: “Good GRIEF! Web Browser has this locked in TIGHT, or maybe not! Donovan trying to fight out of this and he… he’s turning into Browser, slowly twisting his head out of the grasp! Browser’s inexperience showing here… Donovan’s twisted his left side into Browser and ELBOW to the gut! Browser’s arms loosening- ANOTHER elbow and Donovan is free! James quickly off the ropes… BIG CLOTHESLINE! Both men are down!”

SMITH: “C’monnnnn Browser!”

MAYES: “Huh, what?”

SMITH: “Can’t I root for Web Browser?”

MAYES: “You got money on him, don’t you?”


MAYES: “Both men slowly to their feet… and Browser is up first! Right hand- BLOCKED! RIGHT by Donovan! Browser- Blocked again! Right by Donovan! Another right! A third! Fourth! Fifth! Donovan runs off the ropes, BIG SHOULDERBLOCK! Browser down and Donovan off the ropes again- LEGDROP! Flyover for the cover – ONE! TWO! …NO! Kickout by Browser once again!

SMITH: “What’s wrong with Browser? Get back to your roots! Remember when you were spiking guy’s heads off the mat like they were basketballs? DO THAT!”

MAYES: “Donovan lifts Browser off the mat and hooks his arm… LIFTS HIM into the air, and is HOLDING HIM THERE! Look at the display of power! (Crowd increasingly getting louder!) I can’t believe he’s got him up for so lonnnnnnng… HYOOGE VERTICAL SUPLEX! All the blood in Web Browser’s head surely popped a vessel! Donovan with the cover – ONE! TWO! THRE-NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! Web Browser JUST kicked out yet again! He’s refusing to give up and cost SIR Simon here a pocketful of money. Donovan slams the may and back to his feet, lifts Browser up to his feet from behinddddddd… RELEASE GERMAN! Web Browser just got folded in half! James Donovan telling the crowd it’s TIME for the Oklahoma Stampede!”

SMITH: “No! I can’t have this!”

MAYES: “Web Browser gets to his feet – Donovan with the scoop and throws over the shoulder, HERE IT COMESSSSSSSSSSSSS- NO! Browser slides off his back! Donovan runs himself into the corner hard chest-first! Donovan twisting out of the corner – BOOT to the gut (The room gets buzzed up!) OH NO! Browser’s hooking him for the SPAM STOPPER!”

SMITH: “Do it!”

MAYES: “But NO! BACKDROP by Donovan! Browser scrambles to his feet, KICK by Donovan, hooks himmmmmmm… SUPLEX- NO! Browser blocks him, and a knee to the abdomen! Donovan keeled over again – DEE DEE TEEEEEE! Web Browser planted him like a tree!”

SMITH: “Grow me some money!”



MAYES: “NO NO NO! Donovan had his FOOT on the ROPES! Cesar caught it and is saying no pin!”

SMITH: “No way!”

MAYES: “Browser’s looking at Cesar bug-eyed and in disbelief, he can’t believe it either, and he’s GOING AFTER DONOVAN! Browser pouncing Donovan with a flurry of lefts and rights! Yanks Donovan up by the hair and SHOVES him into the corner for some more! Donovan’s loopy… Browser grabs the arm and the irish whipppppPPPPP – Donovan bangs into the corner! Browser getting down in a stance, what’s this… Browser CHARGES (POP!) – AND MISSES! DONOVAN MOVED – and has Browser BY THE HEAAAAAAAAAAAAD… (POP!) BULLDOG! DONOVAN COVERS! ONE! TWO! THREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!” (SFX: Bell ringing!)


(MUSIC UP: “Bat Country” – Avenged Sevenfold)

MAYES: “Cesar must’ve missed it, but it’s the referee’s final call, and James Donovan has won it!”

SMITH: “Oh BULL. The foot is on the ropes, it’s still there!”


(JAMES DONOVAN gets to his feet and basks in the cheering of all the babes in the crowd! WEB BROWSER peels his foot off the bottom rope and rolls out of the ring, wondering off listlessly.)

MAYES: “This was a BIG win for James Donovan, who will surely be the one of many contenders for the LVW World Heavyweight Title!”

SMITH: “As long as these referees miss people’s feet on the ropes, and let him cheat to victory, you sure bet he will!”

MAYES: “You got what you deserve.”

SMITH: “Hmph.”

MAYES: “Everybody, coming up next, the BIG ANNOUNCEMENT regarding the LVW World Heavyweight Championship! We’ve got to pay the bills first, be right back!”


12-28-05, 10:40 AM

MAYES: “And we are back! That was one heck of a match.”

SMITH: “That nearly got ruined by having third world labor reffing these things! I admire a man who likes to pull on another man’s tights – “

MAYES: “I always knew.”

SMITH: “Shaddup Mayes! You can talk when you can equal my run at the craps tables of this week – what I was trying to say is that it’s stuff like that that decides a champion or not, and the wetback counting the three needs to get his eyes checked.”

MAYES: “Nice segway – leading to what’s up next, and that’s the special announcement about the crowning of our very FIRST… LVW World Heavyweight Champion!”

SMITH: “The boss is a friend of a friend of a friend of mine, MAYES, and let me tell you – he’s getting my checks cashed, and I know for sure he’s doing something right, because the man’s got a history of unparalleled, brilliant booking – on the horses and in business! The guy didn’t even have to put in 100 matches in the ring, made a name for himself, won a World Title or two, even being the first to win a company’s title himself, so to speak, and was able to retire a rich man, unlike most of the scum in this lifestyle!”

MAYES: “Wow… I thought I was supposed to say that.”

SMITH: “It doesn’t mean I won’t bury him the second he tries to cut off my money for room service!”

MAYES: “Figures. Without further ado, up to Jerry Harwell!”

(CUTTO: JERRY HARWELL, cue-card in hand!)


(MUSIC UP: “The Touch” – Stan Bush)

(Organs!) (The room lights up!)

“You got the touch… you got the POW-ERRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR…


(CUTTO: The stage, and out through the curtain looking like a young Frank Sinatra, whitish/grey hair combed to the side, wearing a cream 5-button pimp suit, pearly white smile on full display – is JAVID DONES! Parts of the crowd roar and let out into a chant of “ELEGANCE! ELEGANCE!”, embracing a now visibly stunned JAVID, who does a bow to the crowd with a gleam of a tear in his eye! DONES walks down the mini-ramp to the floor, soaking in the love, getting touched by the out-reached hands of the fans on the rail, now throwing up a hand and closing it shut into a fist, trying to capture the moment! JAVID DONES walks to and climbs the stairs, giving a wink and a point to the crowd as he climbs into the ring through the ropes, to an even louder cheer from the room! DONES takes the moment and goes to the ropes on the near side of the ring, bowing to the crowd in appreciation… and then to the next side and bowing the same… then to the next and bowing as well as the cheers increase, then once more toward the stage side, coming up to give the crowd a large smile and a big thumbs up! JAVID DONES walks towards HARWELL, who gives JAVID a warm handshake, quick small talk and a little laugh before handing the microphone to DONES and scampering out of the ring. The music fades out as JAVID DONES stands in the middle of the ring, looking up into the balcony, nodding his head looking like he’s trying to hold back some tears as the crowd breaks out into a louder chant of “ELEGANCE! ELEGANCE!” DONES slowly brings the mic to his lips…)

JAVID DONES: (almost whispering) “Thank you.”

(The crowd roars in approval! JAVID DONES cracks the big smile and shakes his head in laughingly disbelief.)


(Another roar from the crowd! JAVID nods in approval.)

JAVID DONES: “Yours truly, with all the warmth in the cockles of (taps chest) the heart, with sincerity… appreciates the astounding welcome.” (Cheers again, and a round of applause from the House of Blues!)

“Alas everyone, we do have business at hand - and that business, is a call to arms – a call to arms that shall ultimately determine one wrestler’s fate, as it once did yours truly’s – a wrestler who shall grasp the opportunity before him, and become… the inaugural LVW - World – Heavyweight – CHAMPION!” (Cheers again!)

“Yours truly stands here before this most elegant of crowds… (The crowd screams in approval!) …to send a message that shall span the landscape of professional wrestling, and be heard by all grapplers through the far reaches of the globe!”

“The message is one of opportunity! Opportunity for growth! Opportunity… for a refreshened beginning! Opportunity… to change the course of one’s career! Opportunity to openly present to the world of wrestling one’s wares in the organization that shall make a mercurial rise in the New Year – a rise emanating from this land, the ultimate land of opportunity, Las Vegas! (Cheers!)”

“Las Vegas is the fastest-growing metropolis in all of the continuous forty-eight states, if not the world - a metropolis befitting a wrestling organization that shall rise at a parallel speed, and in the New Year become the fastest-growing in all the world, LAS! VEGAS! WRESTLING!”


(DONES holds in a good laugh at the chant.)

JAVID DONES: “Let it be known that Las Vegas Wrestling shall not be an organization over-run by egotistical, false general managers and authority figures hijacking valuable camera time! Rather, let it be known that Las Vegas Wrestling shall be an organization where it is the WRESTLER that reigns triumphantly! (Cheers!)”

“Let it be known that Las Vegas Wrestling shall not be an organization heavily populated with the names of grapplers of yore suffocating yet another marquee! Rather, let it be known that Las Vegas Wrestling shall be an organization where newcomers and those seeking to progress their careers shall populate the marquee, and become the future generation of superstars! (Cheers!)”

“Let it be known that Las Vegas Wrestling IS the wrestling organization of opportunity! And that this, this right here before you, IS the opportunity to seize the day!”

(The room ERUPTS in cheer! DONES raises an open palm to the crowd, head slightly bowed, calmly waiting for the room to settle to a lower decibel!)

JAVID DONES: “Today, yours truly comes before you with the opportunity of a lifetime – the opportunity to grasp onto Red Rock Mountain and ascend to the apex of all of wrestling – the opportunity to become WORLD – HEAVYWEIGHT – CHAMPION!”

(The room gets loud again!)

JAVID DONES: “The tangled web we weave shall happen as follows - an allotment of time shall be given so that yours truly’s message shall reach the depths of the earth – but then, at Las Vegas Wrestling’s next show, originating from right here, at the House of Blues at Mandalay Bay (Cheers!)… the prodigious announcement shall be made declaring the participants in what will be a series of matches, all leading to the finale – a 4-WAY, SIXTY-MINUTE IRONMAN MATCH! (Cheers!) The winner of which shall be crowned THE… LAS VEGAS WRESTLING WORLD HEAVYWEIGHT CHAMPION!”

(The House of Blues cheers loud!)

JAVID DONES: “Thank you!”

(DONES starts to walk off to the cheers, but the crowd pipes down, and the smarks start to scream while others wonder aloud – JAVID DONES smiles big, and brings the mic to his lips, chuckling.)

JAVID DONES: “It truly astonishes yours truly, and makes yours truly thankful, and grateful, that people still remember…”

“It’s OVER. (POP!) It’s REALLY, (Crowd chanting along!) REALLY, OVER!”

(The crowd marks out!)

(MUSIC UP: “The Touch” – Stan Bush!)

(JAVID DONES drops the mic on the mat, and climbs out of the ring, standing on the apron, shaking his head at the love!)

MAYES (V/O): “What a speech!”

SMITH (V/O): “I haven’t seen more people in lock-step since I saw the grainy films of Munich from World War 2!”

MAYES (V/O): “You’re unbelievable! What an announcement by the owner of LVW, Javid Dones! We have found out that LVW’s very first World Title Match will be a 4-Way, 60-Minute Iron Man Match, and from the sounds of it, things will be kicking off in just two weeks!”

(The camera stays on JAVID DONES, who has climbed off the apron and onto the floor, now walking around ringside, meeting and greeting with all the LVW fans!)

SMITH (V/O): “It’ll surely be an open field, Mayes – but all that matters to me in the end is that it’s someone I can stomach!”

(CUTTO: “The Inferno” CARMINE ESPOSITO and JIMMY TWO TIMES standing in a hallway backstage. CARMINE is stretching, getting ready for the Main Event, as JIMMY TWO TIMES looks at him with a big smile on his face.)

MAYES (V/O): “Speaking of which.”

SMITH (V/O): “This would be filet mignon!”

CARMINE ESPOSITO: “Oh man, I can’t wait. This is the big time, Jimmy, ya hear? I’m gonna show this whole stinkin’ town of ja-mooks who’s got the calzones to be the man.”

JIMMY TWO TIMES: “Yeah yeah. Go get ready with Hans, willya? I’ll be over in a minute – in a minute.”

(CARMINE leaves, TWO TIMES grinning… until ESPOSITO leaves the view, then a grimace falls on JIMMY’s face as he grabs his cell phone and dials up someone.)

JIMMY TWO TIMES: “Hey hey. … … Yeah, it’s in the bag – in the bag. … … Twenty-five large – twenty-five large. … Excellent, done deal – done deal. … … No, the kid don’t know- hey WAIT A MINUTE!”

(JIMMY closes the cell shut and goes straight at the camera!)

JIMMY TWO TIMES: “Get the hell OUTTA HERE – OUTTA HERE! (JIMMY pushes the camera and knocks it to the floor, leaving the view of the concrete.) I’ll have you buried SIX FEET – SIX FEET UNDER, KID!”


12-28-05, 10:50 AM
(MUSIC UP: “You Gots To Chill” – EPMD)

(FADEIN: Blue screen, flashy lights bordering all around, House of Blues logo in the middle, with date, time, and lots of 411.)

MAYES (V/O): “People in the Valley, come join us here at the House of Blues for some Las Vegas Wrestling action! Get your tickets now for our next show by hitting us up on the website listed, by calling 1-702-555-2525, or by showing up at the House of Blues at Mandalay Bay here on the Las Vegas STRIP!”

“At our next card, we will bring you MORE exciting EL VEE DOUBLE-U action, and the HUGE announcement of the FIRST of many qualifying matches leading to the crowning of our FIRST… LVW World Heavyweight Champion! JOIN US! EL VEE DOUBLE-U… taking it to the OBSCENE!”


(FADEIN: Black and White view of a poker table, straight onto the dealer.)

(CUTTO: SIR SIMON SMITH, drop of sweat sliding down his left cheek, looking down at his cards.

CUTTO: SMITH’s cards of the King of Hearts and King of Clubs.

CUTTO: SMITH looking across the table, then grabbing some chips and saying “Raise”)

(CUTTO: Across the table, MIKE MATUSOW stares down SIR SIMON, peeks down at his cards, looks back up at SIR SIMON, looks down again, grabs some chips – “Re-Raise”)

(QUICK-CUT: SIR SIMON SMITH pushing his entire chip-stack forward.)

(QUICK-CUT: MIKE MATUSOW jumping out of his chair and flipping over his cards “I call!”)

(CUTTO: MATUSOW’s cards – the Ace of Hearts and Ace of Diamonds!)

(CUTTO: SIR SIMON SMITH grabbing his head in disbelief.)

SMITH: “Oh man, I can’t believe this…”

(CUTTO: The table as the dealer brings out the flop)

(CUTTO: Flop of 6 of Hearts, Queen of Hearts, and the King of Diamonds!)

(CUTTO: MATUSOW grabbing his head in disbelief now.

CUTTO: SIR SIMON SMITH jumping for joy!)

(CUTTO: The board, the dealer brings out the turn – the 2 of Hearts!)

MATUSOW: “Yeah! That’s it! C’mon! Give me the flush! One time! Give it to me!”

(CUTTO: SIR SIMON sweating profusely!)

(CUTTO: The board, the dealer brings out the river – the Jack of Hearts!)


(MATUSOW runs around the room, arms in the air, screaming like a mad man!)

SMITH: “Dammit! First the cooler, then the miracle, then the ASS-[BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEP]ING. (SMITH kicks his chair!) DAMMIT!”

(MATUSOW stops in SMITH’s face)

MATUSOW: “That’s RIGHT! You’ve got TINY LITTLE BALLS. (MIKE squeezing his fingers together to show SMITH!) TINY LITTLE ITTY BITTY BALLS. You don’t MESS with ME.”

(The camera lingers on the dejected face of SIR SIMON SMITH)

MATUSOW (V/O): “I’ve got the whollllllllle world, in my hands! I’ve got the whole world in my hands.”

(CUTTO: Wide canned shot of all the FullTiltPoker.Net pros sitting at the poker table, looking at the camera.)

MATUSOW (V/O): “Play With The Pros, at Full Tilt Poker Dot Net.”


12-28-05, 10:52 AM
(FADEIN: Wide shot of the House of Blues, from the balcony.)

MAYES: “Welcome back, and now it’s time for our Main Event! SIR Simon, what do you think Jimmy Two Times has up his sleeve?”

SMITH: “I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

MAYES: “I’m talking about that last bit backstage – who was he on the phone with?”

SMITH: “Look MAYES, the man’s got important business to take care of. That schmuck with the camera had no need to be there overhearing confidential details of Jimmy’s garbage disposal empire!”

MAYES: “O… K, Sir Simon, believe what you want. But now it’s time to get to the ring!”



(MUSIC UP: “California Love” – TuPac)

(CUTTO: The stage, and out hops MC LUSCIOUS BOOTY DIVA X to the cheers of the drunks! DIVA bounces up in down in her pink haltertop and short frilly skirt, leaving nothing to the imagination! LUSCIOUS strikes a pose and points to the curtain for the emergence of LIVING DEAD! LUSCIOUS hops down to ringside as LIVING DEAD slowly creeps his way toward the ring, taking to the stairs to make his way in. LUSCIOUS climbs onto the apron and leans back against the ropes to wild heat from the fratboys! LIVING DEAD goes off into the corner and stands back against the turnbuckle, looking, well, dead!)

SMITH (V/O): “Now that’s a pocket pair I’d like to get my hands on!”

MAYES: (V/O): “You go for the skinny, zombie type, huh?”

SMITH (V/O): “I was talking about MC Luscious!”

MAYES (V/O): “And now here comes Living Dead’s tag team partner!”

(MUSIC UP: “Paint It Black” – The Unseen)

(CUTTO: The curtain and out flies “The Last Goth Monster” MITCH GREY, zooming past the camera and diving head-first into the ring! GREY, in his cut-off jean shorts and ‘Sandman’ T-Shirt, pops up to his feet to a loud mixed reaction from the room! MITCH looks at the ready to go, but then loses the façade and shrugs his shoulders, getting into a grumpy mood.)

(B-ROLL: ‘LAST WEEK’ – Highlights of MITCH GREY v. JAMES DONOVAN, CUTTING to MITCH GREY bringing a chair into the ring and blasting DONOVAN with it, CUTTING to MITCH GREY at the curtain, holding the chair up high!)

MAYES (V/O): “As you see from last week at Grand Opening, Mitch Grey had a great bout with Donovan, but had to go ruin it by NAILING James Donovan with a blast to the head with the steel chair!”

SMITH (V/O): “From the looks of him this week he’s liable to snap again, Mayes! I’d watch out if I were ANYONE in this ring!”

(MUSIC UP: “New York, New York” – Frank Sinatra)

(CUTTO: The curtain as SIR SIMON SMITH whoops it up in his headset!)

MAYES (V/O): “Settle down!”

(Out comes “The Inferno” CARMINE ESPOSITO! His hair freshly quaffed, and gold chains glistening from being freshly polished, ESPOSITO flashes a smile, showing off his flashy nylon white ring jacket, turning to reveal “The Inferno” bedazzlered across the back in red glitter! JIMMY TWO TIMES, in his boss three-piece, comes out behind ESPOSITO, patting him on the back, giving him encouragement! The room giving them no love, they get into the ring, where ESPOSITO goes toward the other corner, and starts chatting up MC LUSCIOUS, who’s not giving him the time of day! JIMMY grabs CARMINE’s face and gives it a gentle tap, and leads him back to the corner as MITCH GREY shakes his head at the scene.)

SMITH (V/O): “Look at’em, Mayes! How can you not love these guys?”

MAYES (V/O): “I’m sure there’s a way, Sir Simon! And now, for his partner!”

(MUSIC UP: “National Anthem of Poland”)

(CUTTO: The stage, and out high-steps MISS ANN, wearing all black and the bug-eye sunglasses, her blond hair frizzled, looking ready for an Eastern European takeover! Her monster HANS NOWAK rips through the curtain, to the boos of the crowd! HANS snaps up the straps on his black singlet with the Polish Falcon Crest on the stomach and they make their way to ringside, MISS ANN grabbing onto NOWAK’s throbbing arm. At ringside NOWAK picks MISS ANN up off her feet and places her onto the ring apron, and then muscles his way up as well and climbs inside, giving CARMINE ESPOSITO a quick look up and down before leaning over the top rope to yell at someone in the front row!)


JERRY HARWELL: “The following contest is SET… for one fall! First, in the corner to my left… led to the ring by MC Luscious Booty Diva X – (Catcalls!) – he hails from PARTS UNKNOWN…. here he is, LIVINNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNG DEAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDD! (The room cheers loud, as LIVING DEAD stands silently.)”

“And his TAG TEAM PARTNER… (Room starts to cheer!) …hailing from BOSTON, MASSACHUSETTS… weighing in at TWO hundred and SIXTY POUNDSSSSS… he is The Last Goth Monster, MITCH – GRRRRRRRRRRREEEEEEEEEEEEEEEY! (More cheers from the HOB, MITCH GREY stretching his arms, throwing his right into the air to acknowledge the crowd!)”

“AND THEIR OPPONENTS! (The crowd turns and boos!) FIRST… Hailing from Brooklyn, NEW YORK… led to the ring by his manager, JIMMY TWO TIMMMMESSSS… he weighs in at TWO hundred and THIRTY FIVE POUNDSSSSSSS… he is “THE INFERNO”, CAR-MINNNNNNNE ES-PO-SEEEEEEEEEEEE-TOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOH! (Louder boos as CARMINE rips off his jacket, JIMMY TWO TIMES climbing out of the ring to the floor.)”

“And HIS tag team partner… (Louder boos!) HAILING… from Bia Rawska, POLAND – weighing in… at THREE hundred and THIRTY pounds… he ISSSsss the POLISH WRECKING MACHINE… HAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHNS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO-WAK! (HANS lets out a loud growl! MISS ANN strokes his arm with her fingernails and then ducks under the second rope to the catcalls of the room and takes the stairs to the floor below!)”

“Your referee… is Cesar Martinez.”

(JERRY HARWELL departs from the ring… and CECIL PEOPLES rings the bell!)

MAYES: “And we are UNDERWAY in the Main Event! It looks like it will be Mitch Grey starting off against Carmine Esposito… The two men circle… and waste no time getting to the fistacuffs! Right! Left! Right! Left! Right! Right again by Grey! A third right! Grey gets the best of it and sends Carmine to the mat! Carmine scrambles to his feet… SCOOP SLAM! Grey yells for Carmine to get up – Carmine back up - and he gets SLAMMED again!”

SMITH: “Get in there and help you big Polish freak!”

MAYES: “Carmine back to his feet again and finally they lock up! Grey takes advantage, and pushes him into the corner – BIG CHOP! (WOOOOOOOOs!) – AND ANOTHER! Grey grabs the arm, irish whiiiiiiiiiiiiP – CRASH goes Carmine into the corner! Carmine limps out, BACKBODY DROP! Esposito somehow to his feet again (OOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!) BUT NO MORE! HUGE CLOTHESLINE BY MITCH GREY! Esposito nearly got turned into a pretzel!”

SMITH: “Someone tell that moron – THERE we go!”

MAYES: “Mitch Grey is feeling daring, as he’s let Carmine get tagged out by the Polish Wrecking Machine, Hans Nowak! Hans in and now we’ve got a war of words – Hans tries a right hand and is BLOCKED and met with a punch in return! And a second! Mitch Grey making punching bags out of the opposition! Grey runs the ropes – and IN with a shoulderblock! Hans is still on his feet and goading Mitch Grey to try it again! Grey off the ropes – SECOND shoulderblock, but the big man doesn’t look fazed! Hans is daring him to do it one more time! Grey off the ropes a third time – shoulderblock again! Hans is loopy on his feet – Grey off the ropes a fourth time… (POP!) SHOULDERBLOCK KNOCKS HANS DOWN!”
SMITH: “He’s only going to knock down that brick wall so many times!”

MAYES: “Grey – No! Hans right back up to his feet! Hans grabs for Grey – waitasecond! Mitch Grey grabs him for… HE’S GOT HIM UP – (POP!) BODYSLAM ON THE POLISH WAR MACHINE! (MISS ANN is stunned on the outside, her mouth agape, as the room gives it up for MITCH GREY!)

SMITH: “Unbelievable! Someone get a fire extinguisher and hose Grey down!”

MAYES: “Hans on the mat CAN’T BELIEVE what’s just transpired! Nowak’s up in a fit of rage but ANOTHER right hand from Grey! Mitch grabs his arm and WHIPS HANS INNNNNNN… FLYING CLOTHESLINE! The War Machine is DOWN again, and Mitch Grey is now going for the cover! ONE! TWO! …NO! Hans kicked out! WHAT a CLINIC being put on by Mitch Grey!”

SMITH: “I can’t think of what can stop this guy… (MITCH GREY tags in LIVING DEAD) on second thought, there we go!”

MAYES: “Living Dead in now, and DROPS the elbow on Hans! These two had quite the controversial ending to their match last week – Living Dead grabs Hans to his feet and hooks him in for… a jaw-breaker! Hans is stunned standing, grabbing his face in pain! Living Dead off the ropes… dropkick to the knee! Nowak falls onto his left knee – Dead off the ropes again (SMACK!) SHINING WIZARD! He clocked Hans in the head with that one!”

SMITH: “Romero’s zombies never moved this fast!”

MAYES: “Mitch Grey is tagged back in, and he grabs Hans’ leg, NO! Hans kicks free and rolls to his corner, and Carmine tags himself back in!”

SMITH: “I gotta wonder if Miss Ann zapped all the energy out of her man before the match, Mayes! It’s all that can explain what’s happening here!”

MAYES: “Collar and elbow tie up – Carmine THROWN to the mat. Carmine quick to his feet and charges Grey and NO GOOD! Mitch Grey knocks him down again! Carmine giving it a third try… TILT-O-WHIRL BACKBREAKER BY GREY! Grey is en fuego! He covers! ONE – TWO …NO! Kickout! My lord! Mitch Grey has just had his way in this match! Grey grabs Carmine and tosses him into the corner and now unloading with a series of shoulders into the gut! Carmine is in a world of hurt! Grey sends Carmine in for the ride… catches hiiiimmmmmMMMMM – (POP!) [BEEEEEEEEEEP]-HOLE SLAM! That’s his finisher! He nailed it!”

SMITH: “You’ve GOT to be kidding me!”

MAYES: “Grey hooks the leg! ONE! – TWO! – TH- HANS WITH THE BIG SAVE!”

SMITH: “Mitch Grey is on as hot of a run as I had with the dive this week!”

MAYES: “Referee Cesar Martinez telling Hans to get back to his corner… Mitch Grey drags Carmine by the hair back towards his corner, and MAKES the tag! Living Dead in, and with an ELBOW! Hard blow to the head, and now he FIRES Esposito crashing into the corner – NO! – REVERSAL! Living Dead head-first into the turnbuckle! Carmine grabs his head and leans him back; INVERTED BACKBREAKER! Dead’s back dropped right across Carmine’s knee and he’s out on the mat… spoke too soon! Living Dead sits up!”

SMITH: “That act won’t last for long, MAYES, I promise you that! The Inferno’s now gonna set him ablaze!”

MAYES: “Carmine brings Living Dead to his feet… punch, and another, scoops Living Dead up by the side… sidewalk slam! Carmine grabs an arm and a leg… dragging Dead towards the ropes? Carmine with a running start to the other end – off the ropes – forward rollllllllll… ROLLING THUNDER! He just splashed Living Dead mid-sit-up!”

SMITH: “That’s I-TALIAN THUNDER to you, Mayes! Get the names of the moves right!”

MAYES: “Well whatever it’s called it worked. Carmine with the cover – ONE – TWO …NO! Living Dead kicks Carmine off, and sits up once again!”

SMITH: “I’m sure Jimmy knows someone with a shotgun handy if it’s going to have to come to that to make the dead man stay down. This guy needs to stop sitting up!”

MAYES: “Carmine… TAGS in the big man! The Polish War Machine gladly comes in and is STOMPING the bejesus out of Living Dead! Hans grabs the head and peels Dead off the mat, stands him up, hooks him in a BEARHUG, and squeezing TIGHT! He did this last week as well, and I’m sure he wants it to finish the job this time!”

SMITH: “C’mon you big dummy, break him in half!”

MAYES: “Living Dead trying to get out of the predicament and – BITING HANS ON THE HEAD! That’s ONE way to get out! Hans lets go and checks on his forehead… looks at his hand, up at Living Dead at anger; GRABS him by the throat!”


MAYES: “Hans has him uhhhhhHHHHHP – CHOKESLAM! Living Dead is plastered! But Hans isn’t covering… he stumbles towards the ropes, and Miss Ann up on the apron, checking on her man’s forehead.”

SMITH: “What if Hans is infected? Will he become a zombie? Will we have to put Hans down before that transformation happens?”

MAYES: “No he won’t you dummy. Hans is in fact NOT bleeding so your fears of impending zombification can be put to rest. And Living Dead just sat up! What will it take to keep him down? Hans turns his attention back towards the ring and grabs him; whips him to the ropes… catches Living Dead, turn and PLANTS a MASSIVE SPINEBUSTER! Hans now standing over Living Dead and smack-talking him!”

(“You stupid! You more stupid then my pet turtle! He better wrestler then stoopid zombie American too!” - HANS)

SMITH: “The zombie’s down for good now!”

MAYES: “Carmine, begging for a tag but Hans is blowing him off, busy giving Living Dead the business! Hans off the ropes, BIG KNEE into Dead’s chest! He lays on top… ONE – TWO …NO! Dead gets the shoulder up! Hans quickly grabs him and lift… back suplex! Hans back to his feet and off the ropes again! (SFX: SLAP) Carmine just made the tag there! ANOTHER big knee by Hans! Hans going for the cover but referee Cesar Martinez motioning to him that the tag was made!”

SMITH: “That’s right, it’s Carmine turn to beat the dead horse. He’s the man to finish the plan!”

MAYES: “Hans up in Cesar’s face, wanting the three count! Cesar admonishing him and finally Nowak heads for the apron, not happy at all! Carmine jumping all around the ring around Living Dead now, and it seems he wants him to get to his feet, and Living Dead is doing just that! Waitasec, Carmine off the ropes – RUNNING KNEE TO THE HEAD!”

SMITH: “I-19, Mayes! Carmine’s ready to finish his card and get BINGO!”

(CUTTO: JIMMY TWO TIMES looking disturbed on the outside.)

MAYES: “That’s weird, Jimmy Two Times doesn’t look all that happy.”

SMITH: “He’s all business when the game’s going on.”

MAYES: “Jimmy… Jimmy now yelling at Carmine to come talk to him, I don’t know what this is about, but Carmine’s waving him off! Carmine’s got his sights on Living Dead… Dead slowly back up to his feet – Carmine off the ropes – BINGO! BINGO! HUGE FLYING FOREARM! Living Dead may be knocked out cold for good!”

(JIMMY TWO TIMES grabs his head, looking in horror!)


SMITH: “Get him out of there!”

(JIMMY TWO TIMES clutches his heart and then wipes his brow)

MAYES: “Carmine can’t believe it, and I can’t tell whether Jimmy was happy with that or not!”

SMITH: “I told you, it’s all business!”

MAYES: “Carmine tags in Hans, and he slaps on a headlock! Living Dead has GOT to have the needle on empty right about now… (clap… clap…) This great crowd here in the House of Blues (clap.. clap.. clap..) they’re trying to bring Dead back to life! (clap. clap. clap. clap. clap to loud rowdy applause!) Living Dead thrusts his arm in the air! This crowd is rallying behind Living Dead – MC Luscious slapping the apron – and he’s getting up! Hans trying to hold on for dear life, and now only has a front face lock in place! Living Dead now PUSHING! This crowd getting louder! Mitch Grey is reaching out! Living Dead getting so-close!”

SMITH: “The dumb Polack is too high up! His leverage is terrible! He threw giant rocks and bench-pressed cars for goodness sakes, and now can’t handle the dead?”


SMITH: “But he’s not the legal man!”

MAYES: “Grey off the ropes – (POP!) TACKLES HANS TO THE MAT! UNBELIEVABLE! Grey up and grabs Carmine… SWINGING NECKBREAKER! Esposito pops back up to his feet and falls against the roppppppeeessssssSSSSS – CLOTHESLINE BY GREY! BOTH MEN SPILL OUT TO THE FLOOR!”

SMITH: “We’ve got pandemonium, MAYES!”

MAYES: “Cesar out to the floor trying to break up the fight! What is Miss Ann doing – JUMPS ON MITCH GREY – (BIG POP from the men!) MC LUSCIOUS IN AS WELL! We’ve got a CAAAAAAAAAAAAAT-FIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIIGHT!”


MAYES: “Back in the ring Hans has Living Dead UP – POWERBOMB! He CRUSHED HIM! Hans covers, but Cesar Martinez is trapped outside! NOW what’s going on? Jimmy Two Times just grabbed bell-keeper Cecil Peoples’ chair and sneaks into the ring with it!”

SMITH: “He wants to get a close-up of the finish and be comfortable doing so!”

MAYES: “I don’t think so! Jimmy motioning to Hans that he wants him to lifts Living dead to his feet! Hans looking at him dumbfounded… but he’s picking Living Dead up! Jimmy’s yelling at him to stand him up straight!”

SMITH: “Jimmy wants one last good close-up look before Living Dead’s taken out to the Mojave for sure!”

MAYES: “Jimmy has the chair and he’s WINDING UP… HE’S NOT SWINGING!”

SMITH: “He took a bad angle, Mayes! He’s not liking his trajectory, it’s just like golf!”


SMITH: “I can’t believe he’s not down! It was even a wooden number, meant to also leave splinters!”

MAYES: “All it’s doing is HANGING on Hans’ neck and he looks like he’s going to KILL JIMMY TWO TIMES!”


MAYES: “He’s doing just that! Hans chasing him and Jimmy scampers through the ropes! Hans makes a stab at grabbing him but misses! Two Times is running all the way out to the stage! (SFX: Flesh on steel!) And Grey sends Carmine crashing into the railing outside!”

SMITH: “The zombie’s alive again!”


SMITH: “Get in there ref!”


(MUSIC UP: “National Anthem of Poland”)

(MITCH GREY slams the mat dejectedly as CARMINE lets go and throws his arms into the air in celebration!)


MAYES: “Hans Nowak has made it one to one on Living Dead! Hans up and running around the ring with that chair still around his neck, and there’s Miss Ann to congratulate her man! But Jimmy Two Times DOESN’T look happy at all! SIR Simon Smith, if I didn’t know any better, I think your good friend Jimmy Two Times was trying to THROW this match!”

SMITH: “You’re delirious, MAYES.”

MAYES: “I don’t think I am! Look at him! He looks like he’s ready to faint! EYE think what that cameraman caught was him making a bet for 25,000 dollars, and EYE think he just lost a big chunk of mob money!”

SMITH: “You’ve got no proof, Mister Conspiracy Theory! It’s people like you coming up with these cocka-maney stories! Oswald acted alone, and Richard Nixon never did anything any other president didn’t do!”

MAYES: “GIVE me a BREAK! LOOK at this! Carmine’s trying to celebrate with Jimmy Two Times and Jimmy’s putting on a fake smile, when he was trying to SCREW HIS OWN TEAM!”

SMITH: “You think that’s fake? That looks like the smile of a proud father after his kid just made it through college! How DARE you smear Two Times with these BASELESS charges!”

MAYES: “Oh, I’m done with you! We’re out of time! Join us next week for the beginning of the road to our very FIRST LVW World Heavyweight Champion! For SIR Simon Smith, I’m Jeff Mayes, we’ll see you next time, GOODNIGHT!”

SMITH: “Only if the dice betray me, otherwise I’m outta here!”

(WIDE SHOT of HANS NOWAK jogging around the ring, soaking in all the heat! CLOSEUP of CARMINE ESPOSITO and a smiling JIMMY TWO TIMES shaking hands, and then ESPOSITO excitedly hugging JIMMY TWO TIMES – JIMMY TWO TIMES now gulping and staring towards the ring with the glare of death on his face!)