View Full Version : WFW Christmas Card: Felix Red's BIG Annoucement, Edmunds Issues A Challenge

01-18-05, 10:16 PM
BRANDON JACOBS: Welcome back everyone, Felix Red and Chris Wink are assembled at the podium, lets send this to the stage for the big announcement!

VIC WATERS: Chris Wink looks like Felix Red’s secret service detail.

JONATHAN MARX: He is just there because management wants to show their full backing of Felix Red’s decision on behalf of the Board of Directors.

(Red is introduced as the new president. His music plays, the seizure inducing whatevertron video plays, and he walks out in a blue suit, a black tie that reads “KILL EVERYONE” in big red letters, and sunglasses. Then he jumps up behind a big podium with a red flag draped down the front; this flag featuring the black heart LOVE logo and the meshed together “F” “L’ “X” “R” “D” symbol. Chris Wink walks out shaking his head behind him sporting an Armani Suit.)

FELIX RED:…(yells) NOW IS THE WINTER OF OUR MOTHER F(bleedp)ING DISCONTENT!!!...I cannot prove a lover to entertain these fair well-spoken days. I am determined to prove a villain, and make these days something besides fair and well-spoken. I’ll make ‘em real real f(bleep)ked up.

I could just ruin everyone who didn’t do what I tell them, but that would be boring. That would be doing only what I said I’d do. My presidency will not be a recording …I will not repeat history’s mistakes. I promise you all, my constituency, my electorate, to make all new all different mistakes. Only in this way, will you be at a loss as to how clean up the mess…

The best problems are the ones designed to solve different problems. The roster’s gotten absurdly huge, and no one’s ever beating Wells or Psycho, so what WFW needs are all new, all different secondary championships.

My first act as president is the establishment of the WFW world tag team titles…(pulls the belts out from under the podium, and tosses them over his shoulders) Which shall be presented, by me, to the winners of the first ever LOVE sanctioned invitational tournament.

As in, sanctioned by the El Oh Vee Eee faction, NOT by WFW.

Each round will have a different set of stipulations, to be determined by the counsel of the Liars Oppressors and Violence Experiment, which will most likely entail whatever best suits us at that moment or whatever we think would be funny.

And while we’re on the topic of stipulations; the winners of the tag team triple threat match later tonight will choose the number one seed in the tournament.

Now enjoy the show, while the forty dollars you all spent to watch is squandered on hookers and coke backstage.

(red smiles, waves, and walks off the podium…)

BRANDON JACOBS: I can’t believe it, finally an honest to goodness World Tag Title.

JONATHAN MARX: WFW has been hesitant to do a tag title in the past because how it worked out in other leagues, but we are going to avoid those pitfalls by having individual singles stars team up and letting them compete for other singles titles while they are champs or competing for the tag titles so it isn’t a matter of the tag titles holding back anyone’s career. The WFW World Tag Titles will enter the cycle with the WFW World Heavyweight Title and WFW North American Title with every third show headlining with a WFW World Tag defense on top of the show. We are going to do everything possible to establish the tag title as one of the premiere titles in wrestling today and maybe just maybe, we can get the world talking about tags once again.

VIC WATERS: It is an uphill battle that is for sure…

BRANDON JACOBS: I miss the good old days of Attack Force and the Blade Runners, I remember when…

(CUEUP: ‘Brain Stew’ by Green Day. The fans in the arena stand and look to the entrance, booing as ‘Simply Sensational’ Sean Edmunds and Sensational Sherri walk through the curtain … Edmunds and Sherri look a bit healthier than usual … with Sherri even beaming.)

JONATHAN MARX: What are they doing here?!

VIC WATERS: Edmunds and Sherri looking more upbeat tonight. I guess giving up Coca Cola can do wonders for a person!

JONATHAN MARX: I’m sure that he meant Coke .. almost as sure as I am that the fans cheer for you when you walk out of the back, Vic.

VIC WATERS: Well at least we agree on something.

(Edmunds and Sherri get to the ring and slide in. Sherri reaches into between her cleavage and pulls out a piece of paper, which she hands to Edmunds.)

SEAN EDMUNDS: Well, well, well. I bet every single person back in that lockerroom is just WAITING for Chris Wink to come out here and strip me of my duties. Well, Chris Wink and the rest of you will have to wait just ONE .. MOMENT .. LONGER.

(The crowd boos as Sherri hops up and down, her breasts flailing in the air.)

SEAN EDMUNDS: You see, I knew there was something I always loved about Massachusetts… (cheap crowd pop) and it’s the ease of which to USE and ABUSE the court system.

(Crowd boos again. Sherri grabs ahold of the mic.)

SHERRI: And we USED, ABUSED and a lot more stuff that rhymes with –SED’ed the Superior Court!

SEAN EDMUNDS: Chris Wink … I want you to take a long … hard … deep look at the television where you may be in the back. SEAN EDMUNDS WILL STILL BE WFW PRESIDENT TONIGHT!


JONATHAN MARX: I thought he was supposed to give up power right now!

SEAN EDMUNDS: Because what I have in my hand, Wink .. is my golden ticket. It REQUIRES that YOU .. as the sole known member on the Board of Directors, to INDIVIDUALLY recount EACH and EVERY ballot in the Presidential Election… and until you can verify NEW results … ‘Simply Sensational’ Sean Edmunds … remains as the LONGEST REIGNING … the MOST AWE-INSPIRING … THE SEXIEST GOD DAMN PRESIDENT TO EVER GRACE WORLD’S FINEST WRESTLING!

(Crowd boos heavily.)

JONATHAN MARX: Well, that’s only because its between him and Wylde…

SEAN EDMUNDS: Don’t adjust your televisions sets … I *AM* this Sensational …. And I * AM* your WFW PRESIDENT!

VIC WATERS: Long Live President Edmunds!

BRANDON JACOBS: Folks, we are going to need a few minutes to figure this all out and give you an update, this commercial break is sponsored by Coca Cola, the, the official Coke of World’s Finest Wrestling!